answers. i think tiffany, maybe next week we need to do a question and answer show and concentrate on the audience. maybe next week. from new york, good night, from new york, good night, america. captioned by closed captioning services, inc welcome to "red eye." it is much a do about nothing, if by nothing you mean the weird odor emanating from my basement. now to andy levy for a pre game report. what's coming up on tonight's show? >> president obama slams mahmoud ahmadinejad's suggestion that 9/11 was an inside job. plus, are british toddlers a bunch of racists? why not, everybody else is. and is the state of florida declaring war on chocolate milk? of course not, but that's how we in the media like to label things. >> thank you, andy. >> i i shall sake thy bones out of thy garments. i apologize for nothing. >> your brain is as dry as the remainder of a biscuit after a long voyage.

>> i love you too. >> let's welcome our guests. she is sexier than a pillow fight in the shower of a women's prison. i am here with lauren sevant. she is so hot the sun wears lauren sevant block. and a first time guest, john philips, the host of "the john philips show" after john philips in los angeles. he knows talking bike i know stalking. it is true, i am outside chet's window every night. and bill shultz, he stinks of sausage and pornography. and next to me, mike baker, former cia operative and the president of diligence. he is so tough leather jackets wear him to look cool. and his op-ed page is filled with rage. it is our new york times cory spawnent did. good to see you, pinch. >> check out the op-ed. shut up, let me finish. discussing how madonna is the ultimate feminist.

personally i think she is a harlet with a side order of tramp. >> good job there, champ. mahmoud was rude and didn't even get booed. he was reportedly greeted with some applause when he entered the u.n general assembly on thursday, and applauded again even after claiming most people believe the u.s. government was behind the attack on 9/11. we weren't, right? president obama responded calling the crack pote comments hateful and inexcusable, and then adding his beard is ugly and he smells like fish. so on friday the harry hump defended his logic in an interview. >> you punished americans well, but you insulted millions and millions of american biz claiming the u.s. government had a hand in 9/11. scwiet frank -- quite frankly, sir, how can you say such a

nuty thing? >> would you address your own president the same way? would they ever allow you to? >> in terms of that remark, sir -- in terms of those remarks -- >> you probably didn't read the full remark. >> what evidence do you have that the u.s. government is responsible for 9/11. >> you are not even allowing me to respond. >> go ahead. >> and you insult me as well. >> do you believe the government had a hand in 9/11? >> i did not say -- give an opinion of my own. i actually suggested a fact-finding group and mission be formed to delve into the truth. >> it was amazing. after that happened eric sean lept from his chair and just tore his hair off. >> i knew it! i knew it! >> actually, we ran into mahmoud after hi u.n speech.

watch. -- right after his u.n speech. watch. >> he is delightful. >> that is like giving my 1-year-old, sammy, a bath. the same sounds he makes. >> that dog is cute though. >> no, no, your baby is hideous, mike. >> all right, and so now the truth is out. >> you may be beautiful, but your off spring are grotesque. >> somebody change the -- changed the tele prompter. you are trying to destroy me! mike, we were talking and let

us continue. why is this guy allowed an international stage to deeply offend americans? i get it. he is allowed to speak. but at this point, it is like somebody coming into your party and crapping on your sofa. >> it is like the guy everybody waits for to come in and crap on your sofa. this is why we tolerate the u.n general assembly. it is not the traffic which we all enjoy. we all love the extra traffic. we love the fact we are spending hundreds of millions of dollars for the police during the course of this thing. but really what we want is we want the crazy psychotic guest spots of the world, and there are not many left, come in here and say some crazy stuff. people were disappointed. the other day when he made his first speech, all of the pundits say, he kept it in check, quite reasonable. well, that's because he was waiting to cut loose today, and he didn't disappoint. this is what we love about him. >> lauren, what did you make of this? you make a lot of things. >> you do. >> i am a craftsman.

it almost seems like this is exactly what obama needs and wants at this . -- at this point. maybe they worked this out together. 2* could be orchestrated. he could have said, look, i am taking a lot of heat. do your usual nut ball routine. i can come out against you and gain back -- >> what you are saying is ahmadinejad's speech was an inside job. is that what you are saying? >> i am just looking for the truth, greg. i am putting a few options out there. >> you know what the truth is? my apartment. >> john, welcome to the show. >> thanks for having me. >> like the tie. >> thank you. >> should the u.n create a fact-finding mission? >> i think the place he did it was part of the problem. if you come to new york and you are gonna do a 9/11 with an inside job conspiracy theory, the proper place to do it is the set of "the view." where he did it was a problem.

i am from california. coming from new york you have to dress a different way because you people dress so differently. i feel out of place. i didn't bring my arm -- my army fatigues. >> yes, that is living in the east village. >> bill, you were actually at the assembly during the speech. you didn't just applaud, you cried. you slept with him, haven't you? >> no, i cried because i was drunk. i was tailgating before beforehand. it went to my tear ducts. >> here is why i wrote snf on your prompter. look, i like silly things. i like nice things, i like fun things. mahmoud is neither s nor n nor f. he has proven that today. snf, people, snf. mike, you have a cia bract ground and law enforcement background. i want to ask you something. >> i don't have a law enforcement back under grow,

but let's run with it. >> okay. you have a background in dancing and pottery. >> okay, sorry, sorry. >> remember when the guy threw the shoe at bush. >> sure. >> in america say if let's say this guy gash -- let's say it wasn't sean, but me doing the interview. i'm sitting there and i got up and punched him in the face. , right? what would happen to me? >> you would be brought up on charges. >> charges of awesomeness. >> yes. you would be given a medal, but in fact you would be charged with assault. they probably would not be able to mound a df in your honor. jay say it was the 1940s. -- >> say it was the 1940s and hitler visits your campus. wouldn't you say i would risk punching him in the face and going to jail? wouldn't you risk that? >> you know, this is a

fantastic question. if hitler showed up and you were to put a bullet in hit leback then, what would be -- hitler, back then, well, you probably would be sent away, but you would be treated well on the inside. >> you are messing with a lot of stuff. >> you know there is a movie with ashton kutcher it says if you kill hitler it is like butterflies die. >> what this comes down to is i throw a mean brunch every sunday. i make a great cheese omelette. if you make fun -- if you are at my brump and make fun, i am kicking you the "f" out. this guy has basically come to new york, come to our studio apartment and made fun of our cheese omelette, let's kick him the "f" out. >> i made fun because i couldn't identify the cheese. he said it was human cured cheese. >> it was a little man made. and you enjoyed it.

>> i think that was unnecessary and i uh poll jiedz for that comment. -- and i apologize for that comment. >> if he says our government is behind 9/11, why can't we say things like i believe ahmadinejad kills babies and eats them. why can't we say things like that and disseminate it? >> in fact he does kill babies and eats them. you look at the interview and he did a great job trying to keep the guy on track. but you look at this and you suddenly find that he is able to deflect the criticism. and everything they do that is incredibly psychotic in iran, and he is able to make it -- well, i'm just saying there should be a truth commission. >> it is morrell tiffism. he is taking advantage of left wing relativism. >> and this is why president

obama shouldn't meet with him. facts mean nothing to the guy. my advice is the same advice as going on the bill marr show. >> the frustrating thing with him is nothing ruffles his feathers. it does not matter what you say to him. he is in the permanent state of perk set. -- percocet. >> how dare you impugn the name of per cassette? >> close to home alert. i'm sorry. >> it is the only thing that schemes me sane. >> from insane slobs to green jobs. the obama administration has created over 200,000 green jobs. i am sure you are thinking, wow, that's a lot of people working on wind farms and leb pro con lawn mowers. it is a good thing you are pretty. as byron york reports, he has been trying to figure out exactly what kind of jobs the

administration considers green and what he has learned will blow the mind out of your clap. despite spending hundreds of millions of stimulus dollars on green jobs the government doesn't even have a definition for what the hell a green job is. and a labor department promg jekt that is working on -- project working on finding green jobs says jobs like financial analyst and public relations and buyers and news reporters should be considered green. it is enough to make a cat fall asleep in his orange juice glass. >> that's a crazy, stupid cat. i love you. lauren, how can you claim to create something when you don't even know what that something is? >> well, they mention

correspondence and reporters in this article that the administration is claiming they have created green jobs for correspondents. perhaps they are just acknowledging that reporters like myself have taken many strides to become more green. for example, i now use both sides of my notebook. i went from spray tan to roll on. something all of us can actually do, this is yellow -- if if it's yellow, let it mellow. >> bill says, if it is brown, run out of town. >> to another town that i can make brown. >> exactly. mike, should they just concentrate on jobs in general and screw this whole green job thing? clearly it don't work. >> i was hoping that bill would continue with that dr. sues-like rip. >> the fecally-centered seauss. >> here we have the labor department unable to classify what a green job is.

i would like to send this conversation into a look at why the federal government is incapable of running anything sufficiently. that is playing a role in how we are growing the government. at the end of the day what they are saying is anything that doesn't require the digging of coal or the production of oil or props putting a bolt in a truck at a car manufacturing place, we just finished smoking some weed, effing else is a green job. >> that's a green job smoking pot. >> we have to add that to you baker's list of smoking 345r7b8g -- of smoking. >> didn't we all know in our hearts it was a total scam and we were going to pay for it? >> no. if green jobs are gonna happen, they are not going to happen because the government is creating regulation. we have decided to come up with automobiles. ford did that because there is a demand. people needed a place to put

their pictures of jesus. we didn't ban horses and buggies. >> that will take it back. >> repulsive sidekick is are cked a green job. >> the greenest job. i walk to work ef day. >> i live on top of a recycled heap. and on weekends i wear old newspapers like diapers. i'm the greenest mother-fe. you are welcome, america. >> thank you. >> i am just waiting for you people. >> like my diapers. from losers to more losers. actress lyndsay lohan is headed back to jail after a failed drug test. a los angeles judge order or so. it will be the third trip

filed after she was arrested twice in 2007. but who cares about all that crap? i want you to look at the mug shot. that is quite possibly the best she has looked in five years. she looks -- that is the greatest mug shot ever which leads me to this fact that jail makes women look hotter. you don't believe me? let's see her first mug shot. and now this is a couple months later and gradually getting better. now this one from july. >> it is working. >> back to the one from today. >> by far the best. >> i'm telling you. >> bill, here is the story, here is the problem. >> why is she going to jail? >> why are we tar meanting this girl -- why are we tormenting girl that likes to party?

she will get hit on, by me. >> are we supposed to believe that? >> the best mug shot, that should be an ad campaign for like the thing that leads you to this. it should be, cocaine, it is what is for dinner. >> cocaine and anphetamine, it makes your hair shiny and your eyes sparkling blue and your lips so full. >> got codeine? >> if i go to jail i want to look like nick nolte. >> very attractive. >> no way, nick nolte was doing the [bleep]. >> she has more mug shots than head shots. that can't be a good benchmark. >> what i think we have going on is who ever is handling her publicity, her agents have probably been working with her as time has progressed. when they put you up on the wall and they get the camera around there and they take the picture, you need to duck down and focus on where the lights are coming from.

i think she has got a little coaching over there. >> i want to reenact the cleavage shot. >> for the sake of keeping my job, i will say doing drugs is bad. doing things under the influence of -- that is awful and she deserves to go to jail. i hope she doesn't die because i'm sure inside all that there is a very nice person. glad i got that clap out of way. what is it like to be a teenage girl trapped in a man's body? mike baker explains what plagued him for decades. first, are all british babies racist? stick around and find out. i am mailing it in at this point, people. f@@

is the uk turning into the ukkk? and are there evil racist babies to blame? you bet your burning cross they are. at least according to the race relations act. more than a quarter million british kids were accused of racism since the edict was passed in 2000. it forces educators to rat out kids as young as kinder gardeners for using the racially insense sensitive language. the babies are not those babies. says a senior advisor to london's baby bigots, teachers are required to report abuse of kids as young as three resulting in a massive increase of cases. we need an army of experts to manage race relations from cradle to grave. let's look at the one of the youngest offenders now.

say what you want about it hitler, but he does sleep through the night. we can make fun of england, but there is a lot of racism in our country. have i been going to a lot of baseball games. i think i saw another one and this is happening everywhere. everywhere i am seeing this, what is going on with you people? it is only happening at baseball games. >> mostly cubs game. >> isn't this why you advice at this time england in the first place? >> how dare you? >> this poison has not only gone to their babies, but also the nation's pet community. i have a couple pictures that may interest. -- that may interest you. it is an awful, awful, awful

cat. can we go to the second one? this is called confederate canine. you know where it was risen? evening land. -- england. this is actually a private get together i had last weekend. this has nothing to do with race i pet, and i will say the guy on the left is mike baker. he had a lovely -- we had a lovely time. >> 300,000 race is -- toddlers are racists in the uk. what do you make of this? >> i think if mel gibson taught us anything, they can bounce back after accusations of racism. but once they face accusations of beating up your girlfriend they don't have much. >> they are too young to do that. >> we don't know. i think results taught us you need a good mug shot too. >> crucial. >> is this a dumb act or dumb

kids? >> how can you tell if the kid is racist? is it daws they don't order chocolate milk? is it because they don't believe the mary poppins is el salvadorean. >> well, everybody knows they can't fly. >> both of your babies are not only hideous, they are violently racist. how do you deal with this? how do you deal with your violently hideous baby? >> every day i come down the stairs wondering the same thing. and it haunts my nights. i can't believe i'm on a national tv that called my kids hideous. >> i'm sure there has to be a lawsuit in there somewhere. honestly, you hear about the story in the uk and you think,

okay, so we've got a big socialist government growning under the weight of its own regulations and programs and that's the uk. i am not talking america. i don't know where i am going with this. oh! oh! before the show started you said don't do that thing where you bring up a topic and then trail off and then say, i don't know what i am doing. >> not only did he do that, he went back to explain it. >> and you said your son asked to stop getting salute in the green room. >> bring people in to understand so it is not an inside joke. >> he is a terrible father. we have to move on. do you have a comment on the show? like mike baker is a racist?

red eye at fox news .com. to leave a voicemail my direct line call 212-462-5050. coming up, the half time report from andy levy. >> they are brought to us by portraits. thanks, portraits.

welcome back. let's find out if we've got anything wrong so far. we go to andy levy. >> andy, did you catch the game last night? he dropped the flap on the candle. >> i have it dvred? i haven't watched it yet. do not tell me who hurls the fastest garment. do not. i do not want to know! >> it ain't over until it spluges. > great, thanks. unbelievable. president obama calls the suggestion that 9/11 was an inside job. -- inside job unbable. -- unbelievable. >> you don't get the anchorman reference? >> no, i'm sorry. no, i don't. >> wow.

>> you know what, you are snf. >> mike, you mentioned all the traffic that comes with the u.n general assembly being in session and the fact we have to pay for police for overtime. have you also noticed the hookers jack their prices up? >> that's a trick question. no. >> actually, it was a trick question. >> i do like that. >> you are johnny on the spot. >> i really am. >> you might say baker pays women for sex. >> and probably produces hideous children with those hookers. >> also, mike, i agree. it is disappointing he didn't bring the crazy when he rolled into town. he is so much soxier when he is crazy. >> who cares about him if he is not?

we are paying for psycho. >> it is true. >> lauren, you mocked president obama foregoing after ahmadinejad, but i feel like of all the things ahmadinejad has said, this is not in the top 10 of crazy. >> no, no, of course not. this is the warm up for whatever else he has planned. all i'm saying is it is a blessing for obama. >> can i just jump in and say this is why chris christie would about be an awesome president. he would live for this sort of thing. >> he would just eat him. >> to be fair, he told eric sean he doesn't know if 9/11 was an inside job. he is just asking the question. greg, i think he meant to say, he was evading. >> i think i started for five seasons on "law and order."

>> i did not know that. were you law or order? >> i was both. it was the very end of the show. >> you played a gavel. , got vandalized. >> that was on the fly too. greg, it is not if you hill polit -- $not if you kill hitler it is butterflies. it is butterflies if you kill hitler. >> they are so cute. by the way, byron, you work my second favorite york, i love michael york. >> how about a york peppermint patty? >> hey, a-holes what about new york? love the town you are in. >> bill, we have to put mike's marijuana on his real, because the cia loves that. are we pretending he was in

the cia? >> but, but you know we don't have to pretend he loves him some weed. >> it is a whole new chapter in my life. >> so you have a pothead, a liar, a racist -- >> now if you spent more time doing that and less time dawking about racist. >> first of all, bill, when you have your furry nazi get togethers, are you not supposed to tell who is under the costumes in the ib pitcher. -- picture. >> john, you president worked to know how they can tell if these kids are racist. my guess is they are repeating things their parent say. the kids don't even know what they are saying. >> they are too young to blame it on the tea parties. >> n john, do you have ugly kids you know about? >> mike, after gregory feered to your kids as hideous and

racist. i can't believe my kid was on a show they called them racist. what did you have to do with them? >> the only other thing they hate more than racists are koreans. this is me not saying anything. >> thanks for coming, drive safely. >> during my next appearance i will bring pictures from my kids and showing how beautiful they are, and a statement from the aclu, the most open-minded tots you will ever meet. >> i was done like 23 minutes ago. >> go away. well, it hepts all that is good, just and holy in our great nation. i speak of highway best stop bathrooms. sadly once considered banning

from the public schools, the florida board ofen location, my least favorite, is moving forward with a plan to eliminate most beverages except water. low fat milk and virgin blood. under the plan high schools can sell diet sodas and other low-cal drinks. ie, things that don't taste like anything. one poured member claims, quote, we probably have a million overweight or obese children in our schools. the clock is ticking in terms of personal health. shut up you nanny-faced creep. >> for mow we go to the world's most handsome man.

>> i love that. that guy is the r50e8 thing. -- that guy is the real thing. lauren, chocolate milk is the only milk that real people drink. this is insane. who drinks regular milk? it is tear afnlt. >> i know. most kids don't drink regular milk. that's why they put chocolate in it. what is a bloody mary. if the bloody mary didn't have vegetables i wouldn't do it. >> i am that way with celery or vodka. -- of vodka. >> what is crit stall meth without the mes. >> and you can't do coke without the baby laxative. >> it makes it seem like you have a lot more than you do. and everybody is happy about that.

>> and it makes you thinner. >> john, isn't this an attack on happiness? >> it is. and i have to say in our era of tolerance, banning chocolate milk is lactose intolerant, and they should be ashamed. maybe i am old-fashioned. if your comid is a disgusting tub of goo, shouldn't you tell your kid? >> exactly. good point. nothing like low self-esteem that causes people to lose weight. i know that for a fact. balker, you have obviously children -- >> yes, we know. this cuts to the core. basically what the government is saying, you cannot make the decisions for your kids. they can. that is an underling theme for our stories. and in months to come. every morning around 6:15 a.m., when my racist bass tared tumbles down the stairs, what they want more than

anything other than maybe burning -- you know, and they want coco milk. they want chocolate milk before they can get on with their pitiful racist lives. that's all i have to say. >> last word to you, bill. you actually make your own chocolate milk using pond water and dirt. >> that's why i don't like it. it never tastes as good. i have to say i was at baker's place, and they take these tongue depressors and turn them into crosses and set them on fire. i won't even let the neighbors over because they are so ugly. >> we can't get play dates organized. do you have an ugly, racist job? e-mail us and we will set up a play date with mike baker's ugly, racist children.

coming up, another addition of "red eye." get your copy now. it is beautiful. it is the bible of unspeakable truths. find it at your nearest bookstore or order through amazon .com.

all right. so how much can i bench press? how does my skin say so smooth? why report i living in john stocil's mustache? these are things i ask myself while weeping quietly. now it is time for you to ask "red eye." you can ask any question about the show or life you wish. and then we kill those viewers if we don't like the question. most came from an internet destination called twitter. check it out if you would like to participate in future ask red eye segments. this is to all of us.

it sound like a conversation at a public. are you improve actors or do you drink to get an affect? we are neither actors nor drunk. this is pure, honest to god incompetence. >> in toronto we were in a group called "the improbable dream." we had some training from that, and we call on that as the needle rises. >> h is one for bill -- this one is for bill. who at fox news hates you the most? >> and i get to answer this? i have the answer, but i will let you go. >> everyone is exceedingly nice to us to our stunning surprise. there is one who is an iewfl -- an awful human being. he is a despicable human being. >> that was the wrong answer of the i was going to say the people at fox news that hates us the most is maibt nenes. >> that's -- maintenance. >> that's true. >> if you have ever seen bill's desk, it is disgusting.

>> as much as they hate us, they enjoy the bottle. >> and it is job security for them. >> they staffed up. >> qek for mike baker -- question for mike baker. what kind of race -- > we often talk about that. it is a shifting landscape. they are young so they don't all of the races yet. >> and the people at home should know mike during the break was saying his daughter likes" red eye" almost as much as she dislikes black people. now let's go to the first question from wherever we are. go? >> i am outside and found a "red eye" fan. this is jeff from tallahassee. >> hey, would people be surprised by how much goes into making the show each night? >> so, sen that willly would

we be surprised -- would they be surprised by how much goes into making the show each night? >> i would think they would be surprised the fact that anything goes into making it. actually we put a good 8-hour day into this show, right? >> we absolutely do. that question answered something for me, where my bin del was. >> how did security let him in? >> can i throw in a quit comment? as an outsider, outside the scope, i can't hang out with them because i apparently smoke all their weed. but i would say they work incredibly hard. i have had the good fortune of sitting in on a few of the occasions where you are putting the show together. it is a lot of work. don't let this fool you. >> i don't think a racist could do that any better. >> let's go to another fan

from outside. >> i found another fan. this is jeff from tallahassee. >> how do your fellow employees treat you guys? >> well, i think they treat us quite well. >> the ones who don't know who we are treat us better. and then there is a lot of shuning. >> it is enjoyable to take the elevator with governor huckabee. years ago he was a presidential nominee and now he has an office near me. >> you know what else is enjoyable is a ride with and h rhymes with john gibson. goy -- >> eon, going on and on about his latest book. i think we have another fan outside. >> i got another question from a fan. this is jeff from tallahassee. what is the best thing that has happened to you because of

the show? >> the best thing that has happened to us because of the show? >> i can answer that. there is one good thing that happened to me. one good thing. i was there to see anne coulter and a group wanted to go to a club and i was wearing flip-flops. but one of the guys was a "red eye" fan so i got to go in the club with my flip-flops. >> i will get you. >> and the best thing is the fans. >> that is true. >> you know, we don't get -- you know, we are not mobbed wherever we go, so it means something when people come up to us and talk to us. >> oh, i thought you meant the fans on our desk. >> yes, those racist fans. >> the only downside we found was john gibson and the one fan from tallahassee. he's a jerk, but the rest -- >> and john gibson.

don't get me started. we are still rhyming, right? we are taking a break. more crud when we come back.

and now another exciting piece of news. if you like news, it is about

dolls. mattel unveiled the latest barbie doll. it is called news anchor barbie. she is assembled with a microphone, reporter's notebook, news camera and power pink suit and a gun. no, just kidding. of course, it raises the question, and i will ask lorn this question bo she is a female newscaster. is this an appropriate message that we should be sending to young girls that they can actually attain work in the world of gorpism? -- journalism? >> i bought into that lie, obviously. i love how well it turned out for me. this is not new. tv news barbie came out in 1985. and that is why i am here today. she was a day tonight barbie. that meant she had an office outfit for the day and you flipped her skirt inside out and she was dressed lie a

whore. >> you have to be excited because next year they are coming out with racist barbie. your kids would love it. >> except they are boys. i'm sure, what the hell? they will probably be playing with dolls. news anchor barbie, it is a set up line and a dlif reall in one. >> that's why fox news should hire this girl because she has got the most fair and balanced rack i have seen in my life. >> yawn, comments? >> only one today. >> the mayor of los angeles hasn't had sex with. >> we will close things out with a post became wrap up. to see recent shows go to foxnews.com/redeye.

back to tv's andy levy for

the post game wrap up. >> i am so tired of these illegal dolls coming over here and having anchor barbies. not cool at all. >> somebody tells me that that was a tweeted joke. >> it might have been. >> lauren, i thought you were launching a new website. what's the holdup? >> mb bought lauren sevant .com. i'm hoping what they plan to do is on the up and up. i have to find another name for a new website and i am having trouble. i was going to ask my twitter friends if they had ideas. >> for $28 you can get my kids' website domain name. i have racist kids .org. if you want to buy it see me after the show. >> i don't know if that's something she want to promote. >> i don't know if that's the image i want. >> andy? >> i think we are out of time. >> wow. >> how about that? >> i was checking my dvr