>> glenn: tomorrow, i want you to join me for a special town hall program. i'll be in pittsburgh, talking to people there. talking to you about dealing with unemployment, how to maintain the dream. and the hope of america. how do we go from broke to a republic? lead the world out of welcome to "red eye." it is like i am ledge end. tv's andy levy is still recovering from his wild night out celebrating national feline awareness day. so the cia guy is filling in. so, what's coming up on tonight's show, my friend? >> we are still going with that story? good, i'm glad you covered that for me. thanks, greg. our top story, do you want to join a new political movement of those who call for saville tee and mutual respect? me neither.

and she wants everybody to leave her poor son alone. she is apparently still in the treasure trove from her own mother. she still sleeps with a binky. our allstar panel will discuss the angle and finally, should you only be allowed 20* vote if you own property? some say no, but me and my big house in connecticut, we say yes. >> your big house should have like four or five votes it is that big. >> if by big house i mean -- >> i know what you mean. i am here with the conservative political commentator and the columnist and author. she is so hot that hot tau muhammad alis -- tamales are called anne coulter tau -- tamales. if he was a ride in disneyland i would wait two hours to ride

him. and my repulsive sidekick bill shultz. and next to me is none other than bill widdle. if fierce intelligence was a ketchup bottle, i would bang him. 1k3* he is a goon -- and he is a goon, and good to see you, pinch. join me at the 21 club. wait, i forgot, he isn't whated. definitely don't meet me at the 21 club for con grat law tore efforts. wink. >> you wink with your mouth. >> yes, and not with my eyes. can't blink them. it is a serious disorder. i wouldn't make light of it. >> it is more dribble about league civil. it seems msnbc's host thinks he has the answer to what is wrong with american politics. and that answer is more v neck sweaters. actually it is worse.

he will appear at the debut event. later this month he was injod by michael bloomberg, joe lieberman, christie todd witman and other incredibly dull people. what is the message of this news fest? don't be so mean you big mean knees. nancy jacobson launched it. we are not labels. we are people. is this a song lyric? we believe bipartisan ship is destroying our government. we may disagree on issues, but we do so with saville tee 1k3 mutual -- saville tee and mutual respect. screw you. now i am cranky. maybe this will make me feel better.

>> that's civil. it is strange, but civil. >> and this seems right up your alley. how come you were not speaking at this event? >> i don't know. >> i think they are pushing their dark horse and they will take them by surprise, lamar alexzander. >> you know, he is so out of my consciousness, i can barely remember what he looks like. it was like the father of the waltons, right? >> you know why they call him the dark horse, right? he is hung like one. >> after the talk i had with you, bill about these jokes, within three minutes. >> i will call you bill. where was this group -- like the whole eight years bush wasn't when people were calling him hitler? >> they did the same thing. why do we want labels? it is always the liberals andthe progressives that don't want labels. when conservatives are having

a political argument, it is who can be more conservative. you are not a real conservative. but when you deal with liberals, how real are you? let's not lose any labels. we don't know why we have to resort with labels. >> they would replace if with progressive, and they don't like that either. >> he may not be a true one in any sense of the word. he is a florida republican. they are wonderful. i have seen you in v-neck sweaters. >> no politics. but certainly a lot of other things. >> the people who don't want labels. i was in california for the recent denial, but jerry brown was running like i'm going to be tough on crime. i'm going to cut spending. i am the most conservative man on the ticket. and he is the biggest liberal that ever lived. they don't want the label

because they know the label was plutonium. >> the people who lived there the last 30 years have no memory of who jerry brown is. they don't even know who linda ron stat is. i'm sure this is some event you would firebomb. the call for saville tee now, it is the guy who starts the fist fight and then when he gets pummeled it is like, can't we talk this out? you see the footage of other countries where the parliament has brawls and fights. as an american we get so jealous when we see that. we need more duals. duals would be fun, and that's what i call it. >> shouldn't this be called we got spanked .org? >> it is against spanking. it is vaguely gay. >> first, none of them held up. none of h makes any sense. second of all, i hate clubs, mostly because i hate clubs.

you disagree, but you will defend it because it is part of the club. >> you said none of the arguments held up. >> it is stupid. it is slightly boring, but that's the problem. it should be more boring. sound bites are interesting, but they will not get anything done in this country. >> one last thing, it is always interest interesting when they stake out their position. it is like that episode where they call a beige alert. if i shouldn't make it through this, tell my wife i said hello. >> that is a good . you know who wore beige, the nazis. >> what kills me is it is a fake construct. this is a response to the tea parties. when a media group is forming it can't be grassroots. >> right. and joe is right. it is right after they passed

the most left wing legislation in the history of america. >> let's everybody be civil. >> now let's talk. >> isn't that it? to tell us we are all idiots? >> this is their way of saying i don't have to make a stand. you guys are so stupid. >> it is not about making a stand. >> you can be conservative and it has not been restored no thanks to you, john stewart. >> they are not affected by any emotions. >> every time mr. spoke is in charmg -- in charge, things go wrong. you don't want that intellectual -- you want a guy in the gold velour. >> it is don't ask, don't tell. >> one last point before i move on, i am jealous of him because this joe is mourning joe because he can't get canned. they have to find another joe.

>> do you want to know a fop fact? it was called morning joe before he was signed on as a regular host. you know who hates that co-host mica. >> because good morning mica means something different. >> i had a good morning mica yesterday and i am still limping. >> i did one in holland and it cost -- >> it is legal there, right? you don't even have to do it under the table. >> i want to change the name of the show tonight time greg. and that is also a sex act. and it is a plea for mommy because her son is on the run. yes, the mother says it is her son's arrest, and does not want him, quote, hunted down in jail. there he is holding up something. the band issued a red notice to nab wikileaks. his mother runs a puppet theater, worth noting.

the whereabouts are unknown, but he did an interview on skype with time magazine and said hillary clinton should resign. i believe we have a clip from the interview. >> that is pretty insicive. >> the former arkansas governor mike huckabee waited on the wiki mess saying what ever government leaked it is guilty of treason and anything less than execution is too kind a penalty. and then he added bill shultz sucks. >> we go way back. >> no, no, no. if bradley manning is found to be guilty -- was he a private? >> corporal or private. he is not on the chairman of the joint chiefs of staff.

>> if he releases information that gets agents killed, u.s. operatives killed he is responsible for that. i think the biggest problem here is if you don't punish people to some degree, but if you don't punish people, then there is no harm in releasing these things. and every time we look across the board we see all of these cases, north korea, iran, they don't get punishment for their actions and they keep doing it. is treason a crime, yes or no? if it is, it needs to be punished and we are not punishing these people. we are laughing at them. if you don't punish cheaters, cheaters have a reward for cheating. >> that is so true. and that's true in life, anne, and that's true in life, anne, what do you think? is it as bad as people think? i love sarah palin and what she is doing now. i don't want her to run for

president because i want her to keep doing what she is doing now. which of the presidential candidates would enforce the treason laws and there is only one. i think sarah palin may do it. but i think assange deserves the ultimate penalty and that is his own show on prime time msnbc. >> then wikileaks would never have come out. >> wouldn't he be embarassed by his mom? it is like he is doing something cool, and then his mom goes, oh i'm really worried. don't you hate that? >> his mom reminds me of my mom. the whole don't hunt down my son, mom. she is just like that except there is no don't. >> that's because you made off with her medication, her prescription medication. >> she snorts her aterole. joe, what is your take? >> i think mother running a puppet theater in australia is probably the best description of someone's employment. i would love that on my business card.

>> i checked and it was assange. why do d-bags look like d-bags? he looks like the guy who would answer the door in a turtle neck and nothing else. >> have you tried the assangy? >> when he was questioned about this he says, well, just because you are powerful doesn't mean you make the laws. and hillary clinton doesn't make the laws, but apparently he does make the laws. there are laws on the books for what is treason and what is a crime. people like this say you have no right to say that's a law, and then therefore they say they will be the determinant of what the law is. the arrogance is unbelievable. >> i don't care how concerned his mom is. what about the moms of the soldiers and the people put at risk. >> his mother is leaping out

to defend him like this, well you thought he would be beaten up in prison before. >> sex crimes in sweden, i was not aware any sex act in sweden was a crime. whatever he did was awful. >> it must have been awful. >> do we have time for the greg-alogue? it is a bristle of brilliance on a tooth toothbrush of tau dreeness. so for thanksgiving i went to berlin and it had nothing to do with hormonal treatments. there was a time when east germany existed. it is real artifacts from clothes to coffee. you can go through closets and walk through a concrete living room and fiddle with an idle pressure cooker. it is like crawling through sean penn's brain. it is the worst car ever made. sadly there is no thing such as a nutribond.

and of course there is gdr's only microchip. it cost 100 dimes more than ours which was already an antique. the east german leaders beamed with pride even though it never got made. but the museum is more than a commentary on life without aspirations. it is a salute to capitalism. from every corner you are told why the economy failed and why nothing worked and how a desperate people craved western goods. who is at fault? the culprits are obvious, but the big ones, unions. the lie of socialism, and the government controled them through the bullying power of unions. they were allowed to engage in slothful incompetence. so you had money and nothing to spend it on. the museum visitors loved this grim world. to them it was a carnival freak show. the two-headed rabbit and the bearded lady and joy behar. i may say socialism belongs in

that group. if you disagree with me, you sir are worst than hitler. you know what scares me is the people in the museum were laughing at all of this and reading the explanations, but we will vote whatever way they went that might have supported unions or any of these policies. that's what drove me crazy. >> you really need to see socialism to understand how amazing america is. i did a video on american exceptionalism. usa-number one. but if you get down to. it the united states produces more science than the next six countries put together. the top 50 movies are american movies. economically we have 23% -- depends what movies you are talking about. >> we produce three times their gdp. five% of the population, why? the things we believe in generate wealth and success and prosperity. people who live here and grow

up here have no appreciation of it. i think every american should have to take the tour or at least watch you take the tour and get appreciation for how remarkable it is. >> to your point, they have the museum of communism, and it is about soviet area czechoslovakia and the conditions and everything. i am looking at all these horrible things and the stuff these people went through. i think thank god for the billionaire save yes,avior of democracy. without him they would still be mired. >> shouldn't all-americans go there? >> you can't find a better example. you have a country that was broken and you had -- here is the eastern block side. misery, the country falls apart and another country where they are able to become wealthy and happy and

overweight and make disgusting pour gnaw pornographic films. >> you know what it is like, it is the highlights. if you were to set up an experiment, it would be better than that. >> you know what is amazing, i was smoking cigarettes in bar had. >> yes, that's true. and it is also true, but it is amazing how counter intuitive capitalism is no matter how many times we run the experiment, you have to explain to people all over again how the government providing healthcare isn't going to make it cheaper and better. >> you know what the problem is, too many troubles. >> you have to make -- it is hard for you, bill. >> even in the time of east germany they still lived better than bill. so what are the health benefits of smoking crack

cocaine? bill will return to talk about his new book, the health benefits of smoking crack cocaine. are tsa pat-downs another part of the homosexual agenda? that would explain the makeover i got at j.f.k. you have to admit i look de wt b lish:

it is no new hats for our nation's bureaucrats. in an earth to reach uh across the aisle to republicans, the president has ordered a two-year kibosh on any pay hikes. they saved $5 billion over two years. so is this a good thing or is is sub hub countered a good thing? they found $5 billion equals

.3% of the $1.3 trillion deficit from a single year in obama's budget. it is nothing more than good pr or as hot air .com calls it, the lowest hanging fruit in the bipartisan orchard. >> that was an intern. >> for more on this we go live to our political correspondent. not so funny when that is not a doorstep. >> they got like $500 of doggie doors. >> you know for like christmas they end up playing with the box? some say he is copying clinton's try an giew lags approach. -- try an giew --

triangulation approach. a, what is that? and b, what is that? >> you measure the angle to the mid-point and then you can determine what the other point is. >> is that what he is doing? >> no. this is the smartest politician who has ever lived. you do the math on it as somebody did and it is .00166 of the total deficit for next year. so he really has two hard core base el -- elements left. he is talking about freezing the salaries to save 3% of 1%. this is the smartest politician. he is poking the stick in the eye. the only people left in the world to support him. >> but you can argue that he is trying. look, he is doing something. >> yes, and he is annoying government workers. they interrupted his midmorning nap and this would not help the deficit. this is what liberals always say.

everything we want to cut, oh, that won't affect the deficit. the only thing that will affect the deficit are the two things we can't cut. well, okay. then there is nothing we can cut. >> they should just cut the jobs and not the pay. >> i like the video clip. i think we actually saw people rubber stamping the paperwork. i think we witnessed the rubber stamping. >> that wasn't star footage. >> they are stamping them down to the bone. you can talk about it not being a lot of money. >> this is like four steps before you could get to the good start. we try to do this and a lot of other things. >> we froze your wages, and now we pay more. >> a, what am i doing here? and b, i don't think obama is worried about the union for the fact they will not vote for any alternative.

and by saying that, he is worried about the unions. i don't think he is worried about that. >> i don't either. >> why is it a freeze? why not a cut like everyone else is taking in the recession? >> that's a good question. that's a question mike baker can ponder. do you hate him really? do you have a comment on the show? e-mail us at fox news .com. and to leave a voicemail call 212-462-5050. still to come, the half time report from mr. mike baker. he's a great guy. >> tonight's half time report is sponsored by billy hobby. it strikes most people as trivial or boring. thanks, silly hobby.

welcome back. let's find out if we have anything wrong so far. for that we go to mike baker who apparently is on some phone. he is somewhere. >> well, i'll call you later. where are we in the show? >> we are doing the half time report. >> have we got stuff for the half time report? because we have two on -- two shultz i will go with shultz and widow.

shuldz? >> yes. >> you said you could not attend my nondenominational at the baker this year. >> not doing it. >> but apparently you are good with dinner? >> yes. >> i guess what day and where should we book a table? >> what art of arbie's and any day are fine because i got no friends. >> apparently you have done nothing for the half time report. >> maybe it is because you have done such a fine job. >> now you will make your plans with all of us? >> let's go with a random sampling of things that were said during the no labels movement discussion in the a-block. anne you refered to lamar alexzander. you said every time spock is put in charge of the

enterprise everything goes wrong. i don't know what that has to do with the no label movement, but the first episode air date of november 17th, 1966 and it was part one and part two. claiming to receive a message, spock diverts the enterprise to star base 11 and he was severely injured. he continue edz his deception and uses falsified orders to take it to the ship. leaving cap tin kirk in -- captain kirk behind. they trail and eventually catch up to the enterprise. he orders spock to trial and he uses the event as his defense. and then the following week he details the events of the case. >> could you repeat that? >> my . being,-- my point being, things didn't always go

wrong when spoke was in charge. -- spock was in charge. >> christopher was the greatest captain of all time. >> look at this, it is the half time current events. >> nice. bill, you are up first since you were already on the camera. th past week we celebrated thanksgiving in a tradition dating back to 1863 when lincoln first set aside a holiday forgiving thanks. this past thursday, what was the score of the jets-bengals game? >> this is the worst half time i have ever seen. do not answer. >> we have five questions each and each is worth two points. who threatened to uh. light their neighbor to the south. ? >> kim jong-il. >> one crazy spot. ahmadinejad. >> we have it going on, b, a

rebellious idea or c, sentras are bringing sexy back. >> and which state representative may or may not have been in vietnam? >> kristy mcdonell. >> and in a recent interview which high ranking u.s. official should resign? >> first, with all of the star trek talk, shockingly i am the least nerdy person. i think it was hillary clinton. >> nice. mark kirk is the new senator having won an election by the seat health by whom? >> that would be jets 27-bengals 18. >> actually it was 26-10, but you were close. chicago has two baseball teams. which is bill's favorite? >> i think it is the white sox. when did the cubs, that's a clue, first win the world series? >> no, you were correct. >> and complete the last line to the mega hit "boom, boom, pow." >> pass.

>> boom, boom, pow. you did horribly, joe. anne, we finish it up with you. a 19-year-old somali naturalized citizen was arrested in portland for what reason? >> he refused to go through the airport security pat-down. >> no, he wanted to blowup a crowd at the christmas tree lighting. you missed that one. which musical act has had more hits than reputable poll keepings, the beatles or the cast of "glee"? >> wait, did you say julian asange wants to retire? >> just because they are 0 for 2 -- >> god forbid you refer to the stories you did -- >> can we get back to star trek? >> name the two remaining beatles. >> are we still on me? >> >> yes. >> the two remaining beatles? >> yes. >> did george harrison die?

>> i don't like the beet sells. i prefer the rolling stones. >> i have two questions left. president obama says he will put a two-year freeze on what? >> we just talked about that. >> and so? this is a tis. -- a test. >> and so it will be cuts by 20% federal salaries. >> and mr. freeze was the arch nemesis of which super hero and justice league member? >> i have no idea what you are talking about. >> okay. we don't have a tie. it looks like bill is the winner of this week's famous half time current events quiz. >> that's like saying you were not around during a natural disaster. >> greg and i didn't get to play. >> i wasn't home when the crazy man son family came up and shot everybody i loved. i was out at the playground. >> back to you, greg. >> go away.

to another story. a bunch of weird owes. the strangest cia agent ever, if he was one. >> i am starting to think he was maybe a birthday clown or something. he is. he is a birthday clown. does your ballot get bent when you only pay rent? the tea party nation resident dropped this patriotic bombshell telling the nazis at mpr, quote, the founding fathers put certain restrictions on who gets the right to vote. but one of those was you had to be a property owner. if you were a property owner you had a vest vested stake in the community. property owners have a little bit more of a vested interest in the community than nonproperty owners. the only people not allowed to vote here is bill shultz which we can all get behind. let's go to our fox news political strategist, weird, white creepy things.

>> does that look more like "the view"? >> so true. >> it is interesting barbara walters what is out again. >> somewhere there is a castrated snowman. it is a fact people with private property care more about their private property than those who rent crap. >> okay. >> you would compare a public bathroom to a private bathroom. >> i would agree if someone takes care of your housing, you don't treat it with as much respect. we are going to the original

definitions. it is a time when you couldn't vote if you didn't have property. other people were considered property. i don't think there is a real movement to head back to those days. >> and there is one glaring mistake with my private-public analogy. you know who takes good care of private property are maids. i have been proven wrong here. what do you make of this? crazy idea? >> that particular version of the idea is crazy, but the idea behind it is sound. the whole point of restriction of votes. they said the problem with the democracy was sooner or later they can vote money out of the treasury. >> when half of the american population doesn't pay taxes, they have no disadvantage whatsoever. and it is not coming out of their pocket. i don't believe they need property to vote. that's not very american these days, but i do think everybody

needs a skin of the game. when you talk about raising taxes, and it will hurt as much as the evil rich. that's what was behind it. they didn't want people voting themselves out of the public treasury. >> you can't argue with that, anne. on a scale of awesome to super awesome, how awesome is it? >> there was a big problem. it would mean george is getting to vote. >> defender of democracy? >> i am closer to bill's idea so we get 10% of your arby's sandwich. >> seriously we should not vote when you get more than you are paying in. that means all federal employees and that means everyone on welfare and that means farmers getting subsidees. when you are voting to take money from your fellow citizens, that's a problem. >> bill, you do own the refrigerator box you live in. you theoretic could vote. >> i mortar -- mortgaged up to

the end of the box. >> we all got caught up in that. you have have gone for the smaller box. the real estate agent -- or the guy that worked at office depot was like -- okay, coming up, bruce willis is dead. tired of being called john mcclain at airports. but first, in australia, a man married his dog. in other news, i am heading to australia. finally a country who gets me.

well, he had the itch to mary his bitch. of course, i speak of him and his female dog. they tied the knot in a lovely ceremony. in his vows he told the labrador, quote, you are my best friend and you make every part of my day better. the groom also reassured friends and family attending the ceremony saying, it is not sexual. it is just pure love.

translation, i can't wait to go home and have sex with my dog. i kid. i kid, i hope. actually we must discuss this in our lightning round, aka, stories we sort of like, but not enough to include earlier in the show, but wanted to talk about them so let's quickly do them now. >> there is nothing wrong with this at all, right? >> well, if he was having sex with a dog, the marriage will put an end to that. the fund mental problem is does the dog get his problem and when the dog dies, seriously, if you want to make a point out of this, does this ever end? marriage is supposed to be -- >> i'm sorry. >> she has a headache. >> whatever makes you happy, right? >> well, you know -- >> i love the discomfort this story causes.

>> i think it is better than living in sin. >> have i to agree, i don't think the dog will be wearing white at the ceremony if you know what i'm saying. >> what is confusing if he gets in a fight with the dog, he won't be in the dog house. he will be in the human house. >> man's best friend with benefits. >> does it inspire you to go ahead and marry the snapping turtle i have seen you with. >> short', yes. now long answer, a wild dgoate my baby is no long a euphemism. and at a store where they sell crap, inmates made by hand. they make license place, purses, key rings, jewelry boxes and toilet wine openers. it goes to victim rights.

and inmates -- or victim rights groups. is that okay? >> we are the first civilization in history that has gotten rid of the idea of restitution. it used to be that when you were found guilty of something, your primary purpose was to find restitution. if you could do something to make up to that person you made it up to them. you made good on it. all prisoners should have to work. all of the money -- not some of the money, but all of the money should go to the family they injured. they have to work for the time in there. they should pay it to the people. >> it was a seinfield episode. >> you know what is funny, let's face it, they are making crap for the fairs. am i right? who needs a wallet made out of tandy leather. >> i am with bill. i want this em to work. -- them to work. i don't care what it is.

and there is less time for jail rape which is aer serious issue. >> joe, who wants a gift by a crappy -- a crafty rapist? >> you know what, this lovely key ring was made by a multiple murderer. >> the princess making key rings has an irony to it. >> you have to check out the cat tau log. i got my mom a nice garlic press. >> shultz, you have been on many con -- congigal? >> i have conned many a jew. >> that's exactly what i meant. >> we already have somebody

made by -- i i can't follow the story. sorry, jews. i will try not to con you. coming up, another edition of death to story.

we are getting ready to sing. to the left. >> ♪ don't you wish your girl friend was hot like me ♪ ♪ don't you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me ♪ don't ya? ♪ don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me ♪ ♪ don't ya ♪ now old school kick. ♪ kick ♪ >> you don't have to sing. you can. if not just breathe. >> to answer your question, yes that is cardioke. you are all invited to my place to do some after the show. but there will be no music and i will be nude. before we go to the break, it is time once again to play my favorite game, guess the

story. see if you can figure out what is going on in this clip. obviously this takes place in sweden and i am thinking a biker gang. what is going on there? >> the little girl on the bike was pointing to where the serial killer had run and she was describing to the tv camera where he went. >> what do you think?

>> it is breaking footage of the north invading south korea. they have 3500 tanks and they have no money. the tanks just sit there. >> the girls are deadly. what do you think? >> i don't know, but i am not buying meth from those bikers again. >> i think that is india's hell's angels and we need to out source our own quick. they look like wooss. >> move that back down please. i don't even know what it is. it was a school in ibd -- india and they gave kids motorcycles to practice tricks with. but they don't have driver's licenses or permits, so the teachers didn't want to film. that's why the woman showed up and said, you can't be filming this, sir, leave. she has no idea it is now on "red eye" and she is world famous. >> i want to go to india. and i want to wear the dress. >> the food kills my stomach though. we'll talk about that later in the break. we will close things out with a post game wrap up.

who knows? maybe they will still be here. go to foxnews.com/redeye.

back to mike baker for the post game wrap up. >> thank you, greg. and tonight's big current events winner is bill widdle. and do you think the procedures rolled out lately are a part of a homosexual agenda? >> i know it has been alleged, but i get the fax to my home office every day and this was not on it. >> and joe, going from that, how are you celebrating your big birthday? >> last year i promised myself if i got into tip top shape i would wear a very small speedo at hot yoga class tomorrow. , but i will wear it anyway. >> is that part of a homosexual agenda? >> it is more of an informal collection of people. >> and bill --