did we survive the great depression. what did we learn? this thursday you will get some of the answers. make sure you join us. for every last episode, from new york. i am bill o'reilly and " red eye" 1,000 episodes. you can take this either two ways, that either the united states has degenerated where anything can be on tv. i don't think so. i think the "red eye" crew has that formula. they have it going on at 3:00 in the morning. congratulations. i don't know what else to say. >> that's all you need to say, bill. welcome to "red eye." i'm greg gutfeld. winner of two tonys this week and three hectares.

let's go to andy levy for a pre game report. what's coming up tonight? >> and you are welcome for a thousand shows, america. yes, it is the 1,000th episode of "red eye" and we will have reaction from around the globe if by globe you mean the news corp building. and candidates square off in new hampshire. they will have their own debate. they will be much better looking about it. and finally, are single sex dorms the answer to curtailing drinking and hooking up? some say yes, but college students say, hey, don't be such a square daddio. >> thank you, andy. >> happy 1,000th show, greg. and thanks for telling everyone you couldn't do it without me. >> i haven't told anyone that. >> well thanks for telling some people. >> i haven't told anyone. >> thanks for thinking it. i have never thought it either. >> this is awkward. >> yep.

let's welcome our guests. she puts the 10 in news 12. i'm here with new york reporter lauren sivan. she is so adorable that strawberry short cake sleeps in a lauren sivan t-shirt. and she is hotter than a campfire under the sun, ann coulter. she is columnist and author. her latest is "the untold story of mindy kohn." just kidding. and he managed to decompose without dying, bill shultz, still here. and he is so sharp that congressman wiener uses him to man scape his problem areas. sitting next to me, rob long and the man who launched ricochet .com. and he is still around, but belongs underground. good to see you, pinch. >> what is this guff i am hearing about 1,000 episodes? is this supposed to be an achievement what, what? call me when you reach 55,436 volumes. and every one of my issues

featured actual news. count it, pinch out mother f-ers. thank you. >> you got wasted. >> yes. >> you did. >> by a talking paper. you just sit there and take your medicine. >> all right. >> all right. >> okay. >> okay. >> stop it. the moon landing, who shot jr, the last "mash," the premiere of" alf" where does the 1,000th episode of "red eye" rate in the tv mile stones? i tell you better than all of those mentioned combined. but that is one man's humble opinion. jim norton weighed in and bill shultz hit the street to gauge public euphoria. sadly he came back. >> congratulations for 1,000 episodes and still having managed to have less of an impact than the paul reiser show. perhaps it is because the host can barely be seen over the table or the rest of the on air staff has the charisma of a petri dish. but the news is good. fox is not ready to promote

the show, but they will stop denying it is actually on the network. anytime you need me, i will be here. unless of course hannity needs me which means i will step over your dead bodies to accommodate him. a thousand many more whatever you say, yuck. >> so "red eye" 1,000 episode, how do you plan on celebrating tonight? >> not. >> what do you mean? >> i am not going to. >> because you are in mourning you work nights and will miss it? >> i hate that show. >> what is 1,000? >> "red eye." the show "red eye." you have been on it a couple times. >> i don't remember that. when was i on that? >> what are you doing there? >> the better question is what don't i do there? i am the man of all seasons and i am the co-host and you can congratulate me because i deserve it. go ahead, congratulate me. >> okay. >> what are your thoughts on the 1,000th "red eye"? >> who are you? security! >> "red eye" 1,000th

episode. how do you intend on celebrating tonight? >> what is "red eye"? >> "red eye" with greg gutfeld. >> i haven't seen it. >> what? >> who is supposed to win? >> huh? patriots. >> listen, bill shultz, "red eye"'s 1,000th show, ever think we would make it that far? >> i am not really sure where "red eye" is, but are you the new intern? i have kissinger tomorrow. can you read this and tell me what i need to know. >> can i skim? >> do not skim. >> "red eye" with greg gutfeld, 1,000th episode. how do you intend on celebrating tonight? >> i am not celebrating at all. i don't know anything about it. >> so, and yes it is me, "red eye" charles, 1,000th episode and you have been on a lot of them. what are your thoughts? how will you celebrate? >> what? >> "red eye." >> visine. >> do you know what "red eye" is?

>> it is that show on in the middle of the night, fox newschannel. >> a lot of goofing around and that guy that summarizes the show and makes fun of everybody on the panel. >> he sucks, right? >> yeah, he does suck. >> what time do you plan on watching it? >> when it goes on. >> which is? >> 10:00? >> bye. >> bill, "red eye." >> who? >> "red eye" 1,000, what are your thoughts? >> bill? >> billy, billy jean king. you are billy jean king, oh my gosh. could you sign my ball? >> who do i make this out to? >> captain awesome. >> say "red eye"! >> "red eye." >> no, "red eye." >> "red eye." >> close enough. you're welcome, america, you are welcome. tune in. >> you know, bill, the interesting thing about "red eye"'s 1,000th show is the show has officially lasted longer than your predicted

life expectancy. we thought you would be dead by 2008. >> this is a huge show and not because of this episode thing you are talking about. this is the first time my man on the street has been the lead story. and we have a bunch for a float. >> an interesting float if that is what you are calling him. >> anne, the first time you watched this show you hated it, didn't you? >> intensely. the first six months. i almost watched it the same way -- today i watch msnbc, and then it grew on me. and i can't miss it now. >> it is like a horrible, incurable fungus. you are a tv guy, rob. you are involved in "cheers" how much better is" red eye" than "cheers"? >> they are hard to compare. you know in the 60s when those monks would pour gasoline on themselves and light it on fire? >> yeah. "red eye" is a little better than that. >> good. i take that as somewhat of a compliment. lauer, two words.

-- lauren, two words. you were no "red eye" in the old days. did it harm or help your career? >> well, greg, i am no longer a full time employee at fox. >> so answer the question. >> you put the dashes together on that one. imagine i would make a name for myself. thank you, "red eye." >> you actually gave up yoga after that, didn't you? >> yeah, i gave up a lot of things, greg, and i stopped taking orders from you. >> well, the reason we are here is our fans. we have an incredible fan base. the most intense group of people on the planet. we owe it all to them i think. >> they are intense. >> shall we do some news? >> nah, i want to talk about the fans. i am all about the people. >> did you pick up on any of the fans when you run into them? do you ever sleep with them, bill? >> no, but here is the problem, i literally pick them up. i will grab them and hug the

crap out of them. a, they run away, and b, they say they are no longer a fan. so it is reverse gorilla marketing there. >> yeah. to the greg-alogue. it is a basket of brilliance on a cycle of psychosis. so the republicans are desperately trying to figure out how to beat obama. look at the economy. it is scare yes, sir than kathy griffin's spanks. a crappy dollar and rising inflation is all bad news. the problem with bad news is that people hate it. i am reminded of the good friend that says who ever you are dating is bad for you. you don't want to hear it. you say, wait, he is my friend. that's why i am telling you this, i am trying to do a favor for you. the republican party has to be the close pal, and they need to tell america it is time to cut them loose, but they need to be smart. obama needs to say to america,

look, i don't blame you for falling for him. look at him. charming, smart, amazing abs. but the media pretty much set you guys up. it is not your fault. they loved him so much. they wanted you to love him too. really, america, you were really down when you met him. in a way he got you on the rebound. we've all been there. but you have to ask yourself, are you really any better off than before him? i don't think so. and i know he got bin laden, but if sean penn got him, i would love him too. but it doesn't mean i have to marry sean penn. so maybe it is time to move on. you can't just wait for someone better to come along. that's not fair to you or to him. and believe me if you break up with him, i'm sure you would be fine. there is always current tv. if you disagree with me, you are a racist homo fob. -- homophobe. >> all right, so seven republicans gathered for a debate on monday night, and boy was it debatey. what did we learn?

michelle bachman has filed the necessary paperwork to run for president. and she likes collars. she is amazing. and we learned that mitt romney is comfortable with the front-runner's role, maybe too comfortable. and we learned tim paw 11 tee prefers to go after opponents when they are not no the same room. and we learned cnn's john king grunts a lot. but maybe the most interesting thing we learned came from palenti when king asked him if he prefered coke over meth. >> coke. >> wow. >> he's old school and i dig that. actually that answer came during a reoccuring segment that king called this or that in which the candidates were asked stupid questions. he fired off the this or that questions all night. 1k3* he was kind enough to string them together. >> leno or conan? >> probably leno. i don't watch either, sorry. >> elvis or johnny cash?

>> that's really tough. that's really tough. both. >> dancing with the stars or american idol. >> american idol. >> blackberry or iphone? >> blackberry. >> deep dish or thin crust? >> deep kish dish. >> spicy or mild? >> spicy. absolutely. and by the way, bruins are up 4-0. >> cope or pepsi? >> -- coke or pepsi? >> coke. >> that helped. nice work, cnn. i know who i will vote for. i assume you were sober enough to watch the debate. what was your assessment? >> well, i go back to the greg-alogue. you know, if i am dating a bad guy and my friend is telling me to break up with him because i am broke and he keeps calling me fat i am not going to leave him for tim palenti. i need something else. i need a rebound. i don't know that i found it there last night. >> nobody there, no mr. right

or mrs. right for you. >> michelle was probably the closest one. >> what specifically do you need? >> we can talk after the show. >> is it unappropriate to do that? >> usually bill does that under the table. >> rob, who won? who lost? who disappeared? >> i actually think tim palenti disappeared. you can't take a shot at a guy on sunday newschannel and then see him face-to-face saying, i didn't mean that, man. i think john king lost big. this is a really stupid debate. even for cnn, this was pretty bad. >> they had a lot of bells and whistles. ann, did you like john king? >> i thought he was great and especially when michelle bachman delivered the jokes. she says, i didn't realize it but john king has three sons in the military. those questions were god awful. and i believe that john king had nothing to do with it.

i think someone at cnn was setting him up and making him ask these stupid questions, and i call on anyone at cnn who knows who made john king ask stupid, pointless questions that made everyone look bad to tweet it to us. >> who won you thought? >> kris, kristy. >> that's true. he was like the elephant that wasn't there. >> i also think he was sitting there eating a giant meatball sub saying, this is ridiculous. >> the problem is they wouldn't let him bring the meatball sub. >> can we stop with this humor? he is big boned, and he is quite a leader. i have to tell you i was watching it and i couldn't handle the john king. he would ask me a question and then say, okay, okay, okay. it was weird. it was as though he was on some kind of strange drug. >> i was going to say asprin, but that wouldn't work either.

>> that is strange. >> who is going to beat obama out of that? >> out of that pile? >> that's a great word for it. >> that's what it is called. a pile of gop. that's the correct term for you. kris kristy would have blown everybody out of the water beforeitt romney didn't do anything to hurt his chances. >> i think people are making fun of this lineup because it is early and also the media doesn't have the strange new respect candidate that moves to the middle or to the left. they are all conservatives pretty much. so they like to make fun of them. i don't think cane did that badly. he got a lot of grief for that one thing he said. >> i thought they all did fine. i just don't think you can win from the house of representatives. really we are just looking at a few of the candidates on the stage there plus chris

christie. >> what about palin? who scares the most? >> i think they just hate her the most. gyre speaking of which. pre -- -- >> speaking of which. >> my talking points memo is bachman cane, unbeatable. >> you have bachman who has a tea party. i read that's important. and you have cain and he has the six cheese wisconsin pizza for everyone. so you have your pizza and you have your tea party and unbeatable. i hope they don't take on obama. can't emphasize that enough. >> i am hungq. i like thinking about dominos. >> here may be the greatest interview ever. a newscaster tries to tell the dalai lama a really, really old joke. >> to the dalai lama walks

into a pizza shop. > a pizza shop and says, can you make me one with everything? >> do you know when i mean? can you make me one with everything? i knew that wouldn't work. >> i love that because even though before we do an episode of "red eye" when i had the feeling something wouldn't work you never listen to it. you never listen to it, you still do it. stay the course. >> you just keep going and keep digging. you have to keep digging. >> was that a good idea? was that a good ged to tell

the joke? >> that was a fabulous idea and i didn't know who that was. >> it is the dalai lama. >> he's adorable. >> are you sure it was not the actress linda hunt? >> she only plays men. was that inappropriate? >> you have to go for it. but i think the dalai lama heard that before. >> i think he was being like, i don't get it. tell it again. i don't get it. >> blondes have heard every blonde joke. lawyers have heard every lawyer joke. >> and he probably thought, you know it is a hot dog joke. it is not a pizza joke. it is about going to the hot dog vendor. >> why am i talking? coming up, do the poor taste like chicken? ann coulter discusses her new book "i eat poor people." i know. and can a wiener be a boob or can a wiener be an ass? surprise, a wiener can be both.

is the pervy pole an a hole? anthony wiener is seeking treatment, but for what? we don't know. experts interviewed by politico say they could suffer from a butt load of conditions, their words, believe it or not including narcissism and compulsive obsessive disorder and none of the ills comes with a quick fix. it requires months, weeks and months and years of one on one therapy. that sounds like fun. depending on how much of a jerk he really is. experts say it is going to be a long hall. that was mean, expert. meanwhile, weaner is attempting to seduce a woman on-line.

>> you know, that's where you go, thank god we invented glass. that would be a perfect ad for a glass company. take that from me, glass, you are lucky it was there, baby. >> they are so cute when they have yet to discover fear. >> oh look, he is smiling at me. rob, is there a rehab for narcissism? >> if there was we wouldn't have anybody in the house of congress or on television, greg. let's be honest. >> unnecessary. and yet fact -- factual. >> you know, there is nothing that is needed to be rehabbed for.

he is a creep and a pervert. he needs to be a real man and flirt with a woman in real life and then he would be a bad husband. >> write a column in hustler. >> get a cartoon. get something that fits your perversion. and can he blame a personality disorder on a problem? is he going to adopt a therapy culture and then get out of this alive? >> apparently i already saw it. i linked to it on my web page. liberals have gotten to the bottom and they attribute the sexing to the fact that, yes, anthony wiener is so hot. thank you, normal people. >> it is so creepy. he is the guy and he is doing the strip tease. it is so weird. >> for some. >> i keep forgetting where i am. >> lauren, this is the funny part about this. he goes into therapy and comes back and doesn't resign, that means he hasn't been cured because if he was cured of the narcissism and weirdness he would have to resign.

>> look, greg, being in love with your mirror is a condition that can be treated then march me to the nearest clinic. unless the treatment involved taking away a camera phone, what are they going to do for him? >> i think they need to force him to grow out his hair everywhere and just get him on the gym and make him -- have him get a real job or something. again like i said he could work at bally's and be a personal trainer. do they work? >> no, and it cured me of my narcissism. you have to look at the man in the mirror. i am sick of disorders. the one thing i will say he has a disorder of is body dismore physical disorder. -- dismorphic disorder. i have seen the pics. have i better abs. i proved it because for the next 30 seconds on my twitter page you can compare and contrast, and then it's off.

>> i don't think those are abs, bill. i think those are track marks. >> it was a bag full of potatoes. it is a way to ruin it for me. >> those are scabs. >> all right, do you have a comment on the show? e-mail us at fox news .com. and to leave a voicemail on my direct line call 212-462-5050. still to come, the half time report from tv's andy levy. a tragic figure in the world of tv. >> tonight's half time report is sponsored by scooter dog. the canine made famous for his numerous appearances and unmistakable talent. thanks, scooter dog.

welcome back. let's find out if we got anything wrong so far. for that we go to andy levy. hi, andy. >> hi. so greg. >> yeah. >> i don't know how to say this so i will just say this. i did research during the first half of the show and crunched some numbers. turps out tonight's show is number 999. >> really? >> yeah. >> how did we screw up? >> i don't know. but tune in tomorrow, america. >> do we do this all over again then? >> no, we will just do one tomorrow. >> rerun. >> you asked where the 1 thousandth episode ranks in television mile stones and you used examples like who shot jr?

alf and the moon landing, but those were all fictional shows. >> good point. >> everything is done on a sound stage, andy. >> that's how it works. >> alf is real. >> watching you on that thing you called a float, put me in mind of a gay pride parade for some reason. >> that dude thinks you should be fired. >> i am glad you did. >> put it up on-line. >> not a fan. and there were people behind him cheering. >> was there really? >> yes. >> and did you really hate red eye when you first saw it? >> yes. >> but the first few months did suck. >> i wouldn't say six months, i would say four months. >> i don't know, what do you think? >> i don't know. i would say five months. >> this is like your parents

discussing how ugly you were as a baby. >> but then look at me now and i am beautiful. >> i am beautiful. >> but all of the swans used to be ugly ducklings, andy. >> maybe when you can't run a show you can run one of those early shows to prove to the viewers right there. >> i don't think there is any reason to show them when they run like the first memorial day. >> no, i'm sure those don't exist anymore. >> was that four months or six months? >> it was like four. >> okay you win. >> is it okay if we use better than when those monks in the 60s used to pour gasoline on themselves and set themselveses on fire? >> absolutely. >> you got it, baby,. >> andy, next ad campaign? >> i was hoping somebody would catch that. i believe we have an old clip of you doing yoga.

do we have that? i am now told we don't have it. >> what a shame. what a shame. >> i apologize, lauren. >> apologize to your fans, andy. greg you assume that lauren was sober enough to watch the debate. in a thousand episodes that's probably the funniest thing you have ever said. >> lauren, you said michelle bachman is -- it would be a rebound person for you. >> she was the best looking in my book. >> do you want to go on and talk more about this? >> we can talk about it off camera, if you would like. >> sorry, viewers. >> anne, you said you think chris christie won the debate. but a lot of people seem to think other people who were not there match with rick

perry. >> possibly. >> that's good news for aerosmith fans, right? >> yes. >> no, andy, are you confusing -- >> what did i do wrong? >> rick perry was the center for the golden state warriors. >> oh, okay. i got that wrong. >> win, win, win. >> greg, you said herman cain got grief for that thing he said. >> yes. and by the way it is helpful for viewers at home. >> is sends them back to the internet, andy and that's a tool. >> is that how it works? is that what he meant when he didn't have muslims in his government, did he mean just the ones who wouldn't kill us? >> yes. >> way to take a bold stance. >> i think you needed to clarify, right? >> i guess so. did any of the other candidates come out against that? >> can i defend herman cane here? he is going to take the position of the most beloved democrat in history and throw

them in internment camp. >> that would have gone over well. >> you should not be managing herman cain. >> or anyone else's for that matter. >> and i disagree with them both. >> but i do think it is good he wouldn't have anyone in this government who wants to kill us. good for him. >> and they should take an oath. >> some kind of loyalty oath? >> yes. >> you would think that is a good idea. >> we did that in my tree house over the summer. >> i know. i signed. >> we used salamander blood. >> yes, we did. and then we drank it. >> but you still left me there and went rollerskating. >> first of all, i am not a salamander, and second of all i am hurt. >> you are a salamander, and it was supposed to hurt. >> i take issue with you. >> ed morissey says it is time to dump the debates. is he right sf. >> not at all. this is when people get to know who the candidates are and see them. if we dump the debates what

would people write about on the internet? that's all we got. >> the whole internet would shut down. >> 30% of it. the other is netflix streaming. >> and sending penis pictures. >> that's right. >> news anchor tries to tell a story to the dalai lama. i am with you. he is just screwing with you. >> he submitted his position as political leader like a couple months ago. but he doesn't care anymore. >> he is phoning it in. he is just phoning it in. >> i was out with the llama in like 1987 and he tells the filthiest jokes. he makes gilbert god -- gill gilbert godfried sound like him. >> he has good stuff. >> and total racist. >> andy. >> what's up? >> why do you say such things? >> it is wrong.

>> you will have to apologize. >> the dalai lama. i don't have to apologize. he didn't understand what i said experts say they can suffer from a butt load of conditions, their words. >> what ever wrote that did you wrong. we need to get all of them together. we need to use the cafeteria because there are so many. >> or a closet. >> are you infering somebody's sexuality? >> no, i was just implying. >> here we go, here we go. >> yeah, i would have been implying that you would have been infering. >> thank you. i forgot that you still have your grammar hat on. >> yes, i did. it is very pointy. >> yes, it is. >> and lastly, lauren, you said if being in love was

looking at yourself in the mirror is a condition that requires treatment point you to the clinic. can we tell you why she is really here tonight? >> lauren, lauren, everybody here loves you. and i think everybody would like to say something. >> i am both an enabler and a dealer. >> lauren, you -- your addiction has affected me in a following number of ways. >> one time -- >> one time you parked my car in the middle of the street with the keys still in it. >> to be fair we thought more people would show up. >> it turns out that they just want you to be drunk all of the time. >> you are more tolerable that way. >> they only love fun lauren. it is not the real lauren. >> no, it is not the real lauren.

they hate the real lauren. >> thanks, guys. >> you think the fern in the corner is lauren. that's the problem. >> is that a metaphor? >> no, it is not. >> are we done here? >> yeah, we are done. >> go away, andy. >> should the homely be allowed to breathe? she discusses her book, hi, ugly people, stop breathing already. >> seriously. >> but first, the bride has a change of plans. well hugh has a change of diapers.

he is saying no thank you to the hanky pangy. i speak of the catholic university john garvey who explains why the school is going back to single sex

dorms. the reason? he says study shows not only does more sex happen in co-ed dorms, but more binge drinking. and so they will be assigned with the change extending the following year. this is interesting. meanwhile, in a related story, all rising sophomores at the catholic university has transferred to florida state. let's discuss this in -- >> lightning under rough. -- lightning round. lightning round. >> lauren, assuming you were sob neither college, do you agree with this change? to prevent people from -- >> yes. >> i mean, anyone been to an all girls catholic school? i don't think that is going to work. >> not allowed. >> those girls are frisky. >> but they are frisky in a good way. they don't go all the way and that's important. anne, do you have a point? >> ce-ed -- co of ed dorms lead to problems.

>> they should be connect cked.-- connected. for example, i think women and men should work out in different rooms, but hot tub in the same place. we should be able to wake up in our own area and shower in our own area and go to the bathroom in our own area, but connect for the hooking up and the drinking. >> i like that. that's my life, actually. >> rob, where do you stand on co-ed dorms. >> i haven't been able to think of anything since hot tub. >> none of these apply to you. >> i went to emerson college and they had co of ed dorm rooms. and being this was a musical theater school, 50% of the population thought it was disgusting, greg. they were against it. >> i love when you mention emerson. then we get letters that complain. >> go lions. >> monday airbus unveiled a plane of the future which should be ready by the year

2050. some of the features, relaxation with fully stocked bars. it is transparent. vitamin enriched air and its trans lieuent is skin that lets passengers see outside the playing with sound. it is horrifying. >> yes, laugh all you want. i don't want to see outside. >> yes, and birds flying in and hitting the propelers. but now they will be able to charge for the vomit bags. >> very good, very good. >> what are the chances this happens? >> zero chance. it is not going to happen. you can see by looking at the cartoon they are showing, that doesn't look real. >> it doesn't look real. >> that might be nice. you can't have anything nice. >> we can't after what you have done. >> it looks like a floating theater. it scares me, lauer. by 2050, you will be 98. >> in my prime. this looks a lot like andy levy's rompus room.

we are wearing harnesses, but it is very similar. it is very similar. >> and he has the cats coming down from the top. >> that's right. >> it is like dancing in front. >> you can wear them on your head. >> you won't be alive this time next week. so it is pointless to you. >> yes. but i do have one thing i love. you being miserable. and normally when you are flying you have your wine glass in one hand and you have your ambien in your mouth and the pea stain on the -- pee stain on the side of your mouth and when you look outside, none of that will help you, none is going to help you. >> it is true. >> anyway. i don't mix ambien with wine. i am not that dumb. >> beer. >> okay. 25-year-old crystal harris called it off with hugh hefner. he tweeted, the wedding is off, crystal has had a change of heart. what do you make of this? >> maybe she got tired of introducing herself to him every 15 minutes.

it was literally a picture of a ray sin. i don't know what that was. ladies and gentlemen, i will be here all week. >> and he is 85. don't you think she a dumb move on her part? she wouldn't have to wait that long for the will. >> i know. and just when you think there is going to be finally a wedding with a happy ending. >> exactly. it is a tragedy for all of us. >> if they can't make it -- >> who can? >> no hope for love. >> he will marry the standing lamp next to his daybed next september, so he is happy. >> as a former playmate, what do girls do after they break up with hef? >> leave and cry and move into another apartment, but it is one bedroom and very crowded. you know the original tweet before they edited it was the wedding is called off. crystal has sobered up. you can get as many of millions of dollars from galum from "lord of the rings" but you still have to sleep with

gaulm from" lord of the rings." >> check out the pod cast. there is a new u.n every day, except -- new one every day, except for today. click on "red eye."

as you know this is the 1,000th episode of "red eye" and we couldn't have done it without the hard work of our robots. we thought we would ask what their favorite part of the show is. >> greg, our favorite part of the show has nothing to do with you. we think the half time sponsors are clearly the only highlight of this nightly train wreck. in fact, the rest of the robots and i have prepared a money taj -- montage. can we roll the clip please? >> tonight's half time report is sponsored by baby chee that yous. hall day penguins, rockets, volcanoes, the white key we, pointy boots, innovation, microwaveable pizza, wrestling, toilet, 1991, power walking, donuts, catapults, potholes, ted the inappropriate turtle. thanks, ted the inappropriate turtle. >> you know, we have some of the most colorful sponsors. >> we really do. >> you don't see that on hannity.

>> and some of the most contagious sponsors. >> and i am proud to say i let them fester. why get rid of something you love? don't set them free. and of course we couldn't leave out the best fans in the world. we asked the "red eye" viewers what they will be doing to celebrate tonight's 1,000th show. and here is what you said. pack your -- sleep like i did for episodes 1999. why mess with success? congrats. >> kind of a jerk. >> i will take "red eye" and shout griffins suck. that's delightful. and to celebrate the 1,000th episode i will be watching and burning videos of kittens. i am watching upside down in a mirror laying on my right side with one eye closed. i might put on the tv on the left side real close. a man after my own heart. and he is spending the money

in the spiritual home. you know the secret knock. trevor fulton writes, lotion, lots and lots of lotion. don't know what that means. cats politics writes, i watched the 1,000th red eye cur under roughed by cats -- surrounded by cats. and here on the tiny island nation of hawaii we will sacrifice a virgin to the gods in "red eye"'s honor. >> i think we will close things out. what do you think? we can do the show all over again. we will close things out with a post game wrap up from andyly levey. to see clips of recent shows go to foxnews.com/redeye.

you guys done talking over

there? they are still talking, by the way. >> i will be appearing on hannity on wednesday at 9:00 p.m. eastern time. tomorrow on the next "red eye" return appearances from mike baker and relationship columnist diana falzone. boy, are they hot? >> what are you laughing about? time to go back to andy levy for the past game wrap up. >> just lies. >> how is the book doing? >> well, we will find out in the next couple days, but i think it soared to the top after last week's appearance on "red eye." >> lies. >> lauren, i hear you almost went skydiving last weekend? >> yeah, but the weather was lousy. plus i wanted to be strapped to you when we jumped out of the plane and you didn't show up. >> but you could have gone with your mom. >> she loves skydiving.

where am i? how do i put this on? it never gets old, does it? >> no, it doesn't. >> love you, mom. >> lauren, had i known you wanted to be strapped to me i would have showed up. you have to tell me these things. >> i will put that in the chain mail. >> you have to tell me these things. >> obviously we have to spoon feed everything to you, andy. >> the lack of sexual tension between us is amazing. >> zero tension. >> you can cut it with a knife, a butter knife. >> who did the fine folks at ricochet think won the debate? >> thank you. it is a fast growing conversation all across the country. >> how do you know that? >> michelle bachman. >> go to ricochet, it is a great place. >> i am talking about the clothes downtown.