can i see the poll now? >> eric: no time. >> andrea: no polls for you. >> eric: thank you for watching, everyone. see you tomorrow. welcome to "red eye." i'm greg gutfeld. two-time winner of the sexiest late night talk show host, the shirtless munchkin division. you can see the trophy once i get it removed. let's go to tv's andy levy for our pre game report. hi, andy. what's up on tonight's show? >> thanks, greg, and please keep your pants on, america. our top story, some stores are planning on opening at midnight on black friday. does this make them a target for petitions? the pun i refuse to apologize for. does it matter what time the stores open now that occupy black friday is planned? we will sort out the facts and thrown them away. and an on-line retailer says sales of anti-obama

merchandise are four times greater than pro obama merch. are we that much closer to impeachment? happy last new show before thanksgiving, greg. >> do you have any plans? you know i will be in town, and me and a few other fox friends are going to have dinner in hell's kitchen. i would love for you to join us. >> my plans are money of your business that i can figure out. >> i was just being nice. >> i they. -- i know. it is easy to tell because you are not good at it. >> that was a lousy pun by the way. >> i don't even get it. >> go away. >> fine. let's welcome our guests. well, she is so adorable that if you looked up adorable in the dictionary you would find a picture of a kitten, but that kitten would be holding a picture of fox newschannel anchor patti ann browne. i am not going anywhere. just keep the camera there for awhile. and he knows foreign affairs like i know awkward stairs. i would like to welcome a first time guest, robert

morrow. national security analyst for the christian action network. and on thanksgiving he is considered the bird of the shelter. my repulsive sidekick, bill schulz. and he is the funniest guy we could find on short notice. sitting next to me -- >> i live in the building. >> the comedian sherrod. and he is a total commi used as origami. happy pre thanksgiving, you jerk. >> don't celebrate that. you killed the indians. take a began der at adam sternberg's art and leisure story on the muppet movie offering. or don't. that type of puppet tree is right above mimes and below spit takes when it comes to bankrupt art forms. the hand goes up kermit's pooper, the string is the thing, y'all. pinch out. >> nicely done. >> thanks. should they have the right to open at midnight? well, some say no way.

this week target, the corporation, not the round surface you shoot at to test accuracy, received a petition signed by 190,000 people. let me put that in perspective. that's two times -- >> sais sasaki scatch won. >> the reason the retail store soaping at midnight on black friday, ie thanksgiving night, the petition was the result of an effort started by a nebraska employee who said the opening time interfered with thanksgiving family gatherings. target claims the decision to open at midnight was not one they took lightly, and that on the busiest shopping day of the year, it is imperative they be competitive. set up spokesperson, quote, the decision to open at midnight was not one we took lightly. that is the busiest shopping day of the year, and it is imperative we be competitive. jeez, lady, i just said it. get it together.

meanwhile, other copycat petitions popped up on-line targeting kohl's best buy and macy's and wal-mart. >> that gets the . across. -- the point across. sherrod, isn't every friday black friday for you? >> i try to make it that way. >> you go to a store and you shoplift. >> five finger friday. here is the thing with corporate america pushing all of these gifts on us and destroying thanksgiving. that's what they are trying to do. >> don't we need that? our economy is in trouble, sherrod. >> we don't need people not with their families. what is this, china? >> you say that about everything, even when you are in china. >> maybe. i go to china and say, where did all of these chinese people come from?

>> they are trying to take away thanksgiving. let christmas be christmas. we can't take over -- like black friday will become black thursday, and then it will be thanksgiving eve and then it will be black thanksgiving eve, eve. >> and then everything will turn black. >> that's what they want it to be. it will be 12 chirstmases a year. one every year and they can sell all year long. we have one baby jesus, and so we will have one christmas. >> pab, what do you think? here is my feeling. i think target thinks they are doing america a favor by starting this early because then we could help with the stock market. i think that's what it is called. you get the gift of money flowing in the economy, or are they sensitive to their -- i'm sorry. >> employees? >> yes. thank you. >> why did you lose your train of thought there, greg? >> i have a lot of chores at home. >> i don't really think that

they are opening early to help america. but i do think they are concerned about their bottom line. times are tough right now, and it is important for these companies to start turning a profit over the holiday season. we work a lot of holidays here at fox. i worked a lot of thanksgivings. >> me too. >> i am torn. i feel like if you have a job, unemployment is high and you shouldn't complain about something like this. but there is a part of me who feel we have pushed it too far. do people really have to shop at midnight? do you have to drag people away from their families to shop? why do people want to go to the stores at all? >> how dare you? >> ryan, both of these people i think are being disingeneral us with about thanksgiving. who wants to be at thanksgiving with their family, really? >> no one wants to be at thanksgiving with their family. this person is just wrong because they don't know how to celebrate thanksgiving. on thanksgiving you are thankful for being in america. you express your thanks for being in america by working for corporate slave masters. >> there you go.

>> you want to be with your family on thanksgiving because that's the one day you give them. otherwise if you didn't have thanksgiving you would have to give them another day during the year. >> that's true. it does serve its purpose. >> there is christmas. >> i turn muslim on december 23rd. then i don't have to give gifts. it is a true story. >> bill, who is to blame for all of us, really? >> i don't get this. everybody has to work a holiday at some point in their life. it is not that big of a deal. for all of those people who say, i don't want to work on thanksgiving or i will be tired the day before. there are a million unemployed people who would love to take their place. and they are also targeting gap. can we call gap what it is? white friday. >> they are trying to compete with everybody. target is trying to compete? people are competing with you. rut problem. mom and pop shops don't open on those days and you open to make some money. >> speaking of mom and pop

shops, talk about over rated. you walk in there and they are always out of stuff. why? mom and pop are out of inventory jie. i never bought one mom or one pop. either they are bruised or some of them are limbing. -- limbing. >> mom and pop are what they call bodega stores. they jack up the prices on everything. >> they call you by name. >> they kail you by name. -- they call you by name. >> mamasita. from black friday to blacker friday. yes, the good folks who brought you occupy wall street are trying to organize an occupy black friday protest of their own. according to stop black friday .com the idea is to occupy large chains and publicly traded retail. hit the 1% where it hurts, in the wallet. the group says they aren't

occupying small businesses. instead they single out abercrombie & fitch. i have never been there. amazon.com, home depot, toys r us and wal-mart among others. obviously there are no hard working people employed at places like those, so they won't be affected, will they? meanwhile,-- did i just say in while? some found another target for their rage jie. before i came to school today i had coffee. >> what a bunch of racists. and finally in the usa today, surprisingly most americans don't care one iota about the occupiers. i don't know what an iota is.

they said they are neither supporters nor opponents of the occupy movement and there is an increase in those who approve of the way the protests are conducted. it is an increase of 937%. we asked some protesters to comment. >> what are you doing? >> bill, do you remember when that happened with your brick? >> those kids are never heard from again. kids, you can trade in for more. >> is occupying stores like wal-mart the best way to get americans on your side? i am guessing yes. >> i don't know. some thought they had it tough with the cops and the pepper

spray. they have no idea what they are up against trying to stop these black friday shoppers. it keeps them from their black screen tv's. >> they got in front of me and they are between me and a mesh halvsie. >> you just want the mannequin. >> that's true. they are the only things that love me back. do they fail to see ordinary hard-working americans work at these stores? and they are talking about boycotting. >> this just shows how dumb they are. they will be targeting the dollar tree. so if they shut that place down they will star of themselves to death. that's all they can afford. >> i have never been to a dollar tree. i hear it is nice. what is it like? >> what a place. >> how much money did you get for that? >> $75. >> good for 75 trees.

>> if you like toys r us, and employ ease still get paid. they don't work on commission. you are not really hurting the working people. you are hurting the company. >> i would have to say if you don't hurt the company they don't make a profit and they don't invest and they don't hire more. >> that's for next year. who cares what the next year has to go through? >> i would protest about the backward r. what is that teaching our children? the r is not facing the right way jie. have you ever seen geoffrey the giraffe? creepy. >> most people don't give a damn about it. this will put the final nail in the dirty fecal encrusted coffin. >> come on now. i have seen you taking a large circle around the talking point.

it is an interesting take. i like the fact that obama shrugged that off. how cool did he look under the pressure of the mindless occupy yes, sirs? can you picture president cane not getting be fud deled? president romney maybe, but only if he doesn't malfunction. >> i am giving you total credit for turning that into a bass republican. >> i felt my need to. >> this is the thing that all democrats are going to have to deal with. the fact is they endorse a movement and lets not get into the amount of crimes and those issues. >> stop it. >> 300 crimes, rape, assault. >> i live down there. >> yes, but you are usually the culprit. >> maybe.

>> look, it gets me to my last point. i will go to one of you because you will agree with me. here is the thing, they said they are not targeting small businesses. but they are. the areas they occupy have caused undo damage and all of the restaurants and food carts. >> collateral damage. more collateral damage. >> they are going down for the bigger concern. >> what happened to you? that is an anarchist. >> it goes to the poll you have shown has gone way up. maybe not 900%. people are getting fed up. >> i want the camera angle of when they were kicking them out of the park. and then a bunch of other guys

cleaned it back up. i had yet another friend who has a cop that's a friend who directly told him he is taking homeless people up from central park. he is saying go over and sleep at occupy because they won't arrest you there. >> that's true. >> you can sleep in due caw tee park -- ducati park. >> i had a tough time telling the difference between the protestors and the homeless people. i saw a dude with a dirty shirt questioning "i want change." >> you will see the one guy protesting demanding free housing, he will be trying to score free weed off the guy protesting vietnam still. it doesn't make a lot of sense. >> it is a grab bag of weirdness. will i get through the next story? from black friday to blacking out friday. according to the latest gal lop poll we are all stupid drunks.

america is drinking at a level not seen since the late 70s. not 1970s, i am talking 70ad. >> 64% of our citizens admit to a little. and it places our parting at a 30-year high. and look no further than empty audiences. says one consultant, people have lost their jobs and had more free time. >> the state most likely to be inebriated, 3.8 gallons of liquor per person. live free or pass out, am i right? we asked a resident to show us what booze means to him.

>> bill, are you still in touch with carl? >> carl is not only still occupying wall street, he is 28 years old. 28 years old. stay off the hooch, kid, stay off the hooch. >>pab, have you been drinking more? and if so where? >> no comment. but they said the heaviest drinkers are in new england and the far west and the plain states. aren't those the through states? >> they are drinking out of guilt for boating in a secret muslim. >> there is no secret about it. >> what do you think of this, the economy sucked so does the correlation make sense? >> i actually saw another survey that shows the percentage of americans who are waking up with jenna tale yaw drawn on their foreheads

has reached another 25-year high. >> it never happened to me growing up. it didn't happen to me until later. >> i hated you, emerson college. i hated you so much. >> here is the thing -- you know what i think? they are getting confused. we have an aging population. my theory is as you get older you drink more until you can't drink anymore. that's what i am finding. >> you top out? that's why it goes up. >> i think more kids are drinking. i don't think they see any problem with drinking and smoking. i think they are doing it more than the 50s and 60s. i think the kids #r* helping us out. thanks for do ig their share. >> they were helping us. >> is this wynn of the stories you have no interest in? >> no, i don't have a vested

interest at all. one of the pry private things is the deep south are not the big drinkers we think they are. my people, the midwest, are. it makes sense. we get cold. basic cable only gets us so far. in tennessee they have to wait until he comes home. really? lrts. -- all right. >> we have to take a break. what is it like to be super cute and awesome? patti ann browne discusses her new book "it is okay." but first, is that the guy named mitch? "red eye" political reporting at its bers. -- at its best.

so, what exactly did mitt romney recently reveal about

his younger days 1234* probably he tried something dangerous like a mcrib. but also according to an upcoming issue of "people" the haircut once smoked a cigarette. the fact that the former governor is a mormon is not the only information in this hard-hitting interview. some highlight, the current music on romney's play list include the eagles, the beatles, roy or bo son -- orbison, randy travis and the killers. he likes playing scrabble and angry birds on his ipad. as for youthful experimentation, he said, i tasted a beer when way i was a wayward teenager and never did it again. >> that's wayward. there was that minor catastrophe to duck world.

>> oh my god. >> and a boat comes by and smashz them. >> isn't that weird? when mitt gets nervous he gets an accent. pab, can you trust a man who never had a drop of booze? or could you trust him with your life? >> i don't know. i'm pretty disappointed, actually. he tried the beer, but i guess i can let him slide. he tried the cigarette. i can let him go. what will we hear next? he stayed up 5 minutes past his bedtime? we have to draw line. >> jimmy carter got he had impure thoughts. >> the peanut dude. >> yes. ryan do you think this information helps or hurts pill.

-- or hurts him? >> it hurts because it shows how he is trying to look normal. she keeps going around saying i've got the moves like jagr. i said, no, that's got to stop. >> maybe she said i have the movements like jagger. >> the weird thing about it is movements by jagger sounds like moves like jagger the song. >> that's what he is actually saying. that is like kevin federline. >> he is in maroon 5, right? >> i like them. i like romney. he is a smart dude, a handsome dude, but he is a dark. he is a dork and show it. i don't know what is going on in massachusetts, but -- >> what is wrong with being

square. obama was elected because he was hip, right 1234* look where that got us. >> we need a man of the people, who knows anger and knows the taste of whisky and the foul odor of a -- i don't know, dead body? >> the foul odor of a dead body. so what you are saying is you want trump to run? i don't even know what that means. bill, you have never had a drink of anything nonalcoholic. >> obama is not admitting to do anything short of heroin. talk about a candidate americans can identify with. seriously talk about it because we are not doing it now. do you have a comment on the show? e-mail us at red eye at fox news .com. and to leave a voicemail it is

212-dash we haven't theyked those in ages. i guess i should start listening to them. i was busy with the other show jie. oh, the other show. >> i made new friends, pab. >> we do all sorts of things. we are going to dinner. >> i wish i could afford dinner. >> i will show you the pictures. >> maybe i won't. still to come, the half time report from an -- andy levy. not invited. >> it is brought to you by the small penguins who grow to 12 to 13 inches and found on the coastline of new zealand. thank you blue penk inwins. -- blue penguins.

welcome back. let's find out if we got anything wrong so far. for that we go to andy levy. >> hi, greg. >> how are you? >> fantastic. don't care really. can't even look me in the eye. >> i have an idea and i know i will forget about it. >> unbelievable. i knew i would forget it this morning. >> buy cream cheese. >> worker proas testing black friday start agent midnight. you said it was signed by 190,000 people. to put it in perspective you said two times --

>> saskatchewan. >> i was talking about saskatchewan, new jersey. >> i had no idea you were going to say something like that when i wrote that. >> by the way you just smoke -- spoke you would know that. >> you said you wanted 12 days of chirstmases every year. >> there are already 12 days of christmas though. >> yes, but one for every day. >> pab, you said you don't think the stores are opening early to help america. can you just keep your cynicism off the show, please? >> it is not cool. greg, you said no one wants to be with their family on thanksgiving. and ryan you agreed. i just want to say i am looking forward to spending thanksgiving with my family. >> here we go. >> i am two for two on predictions. >> you can't say that you are

two for two without proving. you have to tape yourself in a bathroom saying this is what is going to happen. >> unlike you i don't need to tape myself in a bathroom. >> why a bathroom? >> don't ask that question, patti ann. please, don't ask that question. >> bill, you said there were a million people willing to take the place having to work at midnight. well should we protest because we are in tough him and times? i will go norma ray. you do that anyway. you are a freak. said i agree, certain things should be protest edz. >> working at midnight on thanks -- thanksgiving night? >> and i assume they get paid over time? do they not. >> it still sucks. >> you suck.

>> greg, you complained about mom and pop stores jacking up the prices. yes they have to charge more because they can't buy in bulk. that's why they under cut these stores. they can drive them out of business bus they are big, evil corporations at low prices to people. >> you know when you make your inventory order, more than one can, so i need to feed a family. one hand is not going to do it. >> i love watching you bo -- bodega to bodega. some things that are supposed to be in the frige are not. mom and pop, you don't care. >> i feel like you are talking about something else now, greg. >> occupy plaque blank friday. -- black friday. you said if they shut down the

dollar treat they will starve to joke. -- will star of to death. why are they aimed at lower income people. >> they are rt pa of the 99% which we know from what they say is very poor. they can only buy stuff from the dollar tree. >> but look at me. >> shouldn't these people think it is good a company can make it into the fortune 500 for selling everything for $1 or less. >> yes, very appreciative of that. asking questions like that gets you into trouble. >> what is mandarin for not american. >> and you need one of the temporary attacks for the pro -- promotion. >> and we need to explain to bill schulz because you could buy 75 trees for that.

they don't sell trees at the dollar tree. >> you could go in there and buy a try of dollar bills. >> you remember the scene in " seven" where they come upon the guy who is almost dead and needed to be preserved? they needed the air fresheners. >> greg, you would boycott toys r us for the backward r. stupid occupy yes, sirs are boycotting the company. >> they wrote me a letter once. they said an areg cart i had -- articles i had done, they told me it was wrong. i used an r back -- back ready what. >> the hecklers you called

mint less, a mu minutes after the heckling he said, quote, you are the reason i ran for office. i i guess i showed you. just sit there and take it. >> i guess i won't be taking my bonus, but you will. great. >> alcohol use. pab, you mentioned most of the heaviest drinking is done in the lone star state. >> i am actually surprised at hex next. >> i know. >> have i to drive a lot. people from texas, that don't stop them. >> i am not sure. >> remember last week obama talked about america and we have gotten lazy and soft. sherrod you said they can get whisky cheap in tennessee because that's where it was made. actually over here dry county. right next to that county is a

mess. it is a lick rishy mess. >> pab, you said romney would try to be here and you asked what is he going to do next. maybe drive from boston to ontario with the cog on -- with the dog on the roof of the car. ryan you said romney -- actually it means you are handsome. you said him bragging about playing angry birds is like saying moves like jagger. >> have you ever seen the video for that? >> it is a self-absorbed pieces of tripe. >> we have been politely asked not to play that music. >> we can talk about how

crappy it is. >> you said romney seems square. we need a man of the people. he plays angry birds. >> an -- angry birds are for old people orchids who wear helmets. >> i would never. >> i am done, greg. >> thank you, andy. coming up, jimmy fallon is dead -- tired of having to listen to the roots every night. get a new band, you will feel better. what happened to michele bachmann, and why? those two questions will be answered in the following segment by me, maybe, who knows?

was the drummer wrong to play an insulting song?

did i read that wrong? >> no. it rhymed. >> on monday, michele bachmann appeared on "late night with jimmy fallon" a tv show, a nice one in fact. but they had a choice for the congresswoman's entrance music. the song is titled "lying [bleep] >> please welcome to the show, minnesota congresswoman michele bachmann. >> so on tuesday, the band leader apologized saying in a statement, quote, the performance was a tongue and cheek and spur of the moment decision. how could that be if you are in rehearsals? i feel bad if her feelings

were hurt which is why he tweeted it beforehand. that was not my intention. >> i believe him. >> i don't. >> let's discuss this in the lightning roooooouuuuund. lightning round. >> beautiful. pab, jimmy fallon has apologized on twitter which i think is good for him bad for twitter. he said i am honored michelle bract man was on our show and sorry about the intro meth. i really hope she comes back. should he have apologized? should jimmy fallon be i'm impeached? >> i don't remember voting for him. >> i don't either. >> it is possible he had no idea the band was going to do this. it seems the band wasn't going to do this so they did tweet about check out the thong. >> apology from quest love about no i will harm or

whatever was meant. you wanted people to know about it and you rehearsed the song. i like the idea. if you are going to say something negative, it is like having you on red eye and you are here and i do somethingment to embarass you. >> every day. >> that's the nick. -- that's the thing, they are sending out sig signals. that's the first time we pick etd up on it. he apologized and the rest of them, chicken george. >> chicken george recently dropped out. >> i don't think anybody under the age of 30 catches any of those references. >> i have no idea what you are talking about. >> you are under 30, right? >> 25. >> nobody is 25.

>> that's a fake age. the year no one was born. >> what do you make of this? would they have done this to a democrat or a liberal? i am trying to figure out what the title means. i don't get what that means. >> sherrod can explain that to you. bill, i don't know. i thought it was a pretty gutless move. (

>> there is an interesting point. i was talking about it with a friend of mine last night. he says he happenings out with his liberal comedians and they say stuff all the time. they live in the world. they don't think it is bad until afterwards .'s. >> boycotts are a bad thing. middle america likes the product of nbc sells. they can get them powered. might have been dumb, but it was brave. >> it was not brave. the only thing that was brave was going into the green room and seeing michele bachmann saying i don't like your stance on gays. i don't like the organization you are linked to about whanging gays into -- changing gays into straits. >> why is one mutually exclusive from the other. >> if they only did one -- they could get fired jie. there is no song that sounds

like that. what song is that? >> love stinks. i don't know. we have to take a break. coming up, another story or maybe something else. we will find out together. that's what the show is about.

welcome back. what's up with anti-obama shirts? they are selling -- well, actually they are. anti-obama merchandise outsold pro obama merchandise at the on-line clothing store, cafe .com -- cafe press .com. they claim the election meter successfully predicted obama's victory in 2008. aren't people buy political shirts whether they are weird to begin with. >> i put them up there with the pac man people. >> did you wear an obama shirt on "red eye? >> i have to because i am black and everybody had to wear one during the campaign. once you get u.n -- get one

presidential shirt you don't buy more. when you dpet your obama shirt, you don't buy more. it is not time for 2012 yet. >> is this the tea leave we can read. does this have a pro -- predict tiff value? >> forsake argument, yes. >> it did say obama the shirts are being sold at a much higher rate than mccain in 2008. and then obama won in a land slide. i will hear countless commentaries. >> you know where they end up, south america. we send them abroad. >> and isn't that the real message this holiday season? >> you see somebody with an l t-shirt on now. >> pab, this is the richest irony in the obama america?

people can't afford to buy obama shirts. >> is that the problem? are the pro obama shirts more expensive than the anti-obama shirts? >> i didn't do the research. >> they accurately predict eld the last two elections based so the shirt sales. so there must be something to it. >> i don't believe you. >> there is a bit of a lag. herman cain shirts have been selling, but you can see with the polls going down we will see that slow down. >> but if they throw pizza hut as well. >> godfather pizza, bill. >> they are all the same. >> no. racist. they are all the same. >> when i look at pizza, i don't see toppings. >> bill, what is worse, a grown man wearing a president t-shirt or a grann man wearing his jersey with another man's name on it? >> you were wrong about

sherrod. he was not wearing an obama t-shirt. he was wearing an i am obama t-shirt. they never thought he would be in the building. >> we will close things out with a post game wrap up with tv's andy levy. and to see clips of recent shows foxnews.com/redeye.

back to andy levy for the post game wrap up. >> where can people read your articles about national security? >> go to my website which is world threats .com and the website of the christian action network which is christian action .org. >> pab, big thanksgiving plans? >> i am going to the parade for the first time. we won the raffle otherwise i wouldn't go because it is too

crowded and crazy. and then i am hosting from dc12 to 1:00. >> sherrod, what do you have? >> i am going down to north carolina to see my mother and family and grandfather and all of that in north carolina. and then i am going to aed withing on saturday with my girlfriend. exciting. >> any shows coming up? >> and the lottery show tonight at 10:30. i mean last night it was last night. what a show it was last night. it was fun. all my friends. >> bill, anything you want to plug? >> i will be at the thanksgiving day parade as a float and then taking to sherrod to a wedding. and i was told he was excited. but it looks like i was wrong, andrew. it looks like i was wrong. >> men will say anything sometimes, won't they? >> it is unbelievable. >> he lied we will good when it was just him and me. >> back to you, greg. happy thanksgiving. >> thank you. happy thanksgiving. patti ann browne, always a delight.