greta wire.com. open thread. go there now. [laughter] ♪ >> hello, everyone. i'm your minuscule motor mouth greg gutfeld along with the coolest democrat, bob beckel. it's 5:00, coming to you live from inside the world's largest pinball machine in new york city. this is "the five." the show is packed tighter than barney frank's luggage. let's arm relative truth, america. "the five" starts as soon as i end this unnecessary sentences. according to politico, president obama's worst critic is actually obama himself. wow. how refreshing. so counting obama, that's exactly one critic of the president in the mainstream

media. the website points out that obama's self-critiques began early in his term, a notable departure from his predecessor, george w. bush. so true. bush had no had interest in himself, but for obama thinking about obama is a full-time job. then adds, obama supporters see the public self doubt as proof of the president's honesty. even when the president admits he's imperfect, that makes him more perfect. it's like when you're asked to name your biggest fault in a job interview and you say sometimes i care too much or people say i'm a perfectionist, or i can only squat thrust 400 pounds. i said that when i interviewed at jam jamba juice. still didn't get the job. obama says shovel ready was not as shovel ready as we expected. you can tell how obama is torturing himself with introspection as he eyes the

putts on the 18th green. bob, you have to admit, that was a big, slobbery kiss for obama, wasn't it? >> that was one of your better reads. first of all, it was only last week on this show, maybe two weeks ago, y'all sat around and said, obama blames everybody else for his problems. dada dada. look, here he is, taking credit for his problems, and now you dump on it. what's the deal? >> that's a great point, but we needed a segment. we conveniently forgot about last week and did this segment. dana, would bush or a republican get this -- >> probably depend on who's writing it. george bush at every press conference would be asked, don't you hate yourself? how can you sleep at night? there was never going to be enough self-flagulation for them

to be satisfied. >> here's the thing. i guess you could say that president obama is a beta male, because he's not afraid to be self-deprecating, but the last beta male we had was jimmy carter. >> and obama is doing worse than jimmy carter. you don't want to be compared to jimmy carter. new numbers show that obama has the lowest rating of any president in the history of gallup ratings. it goes back a while. nixon 50%. reagan 54%. obama is at 43%. by the way, truman 54%. and remember he's patterning his campaign after harry truman. i thought i was obama's worst critic. >> truman, you said 54%? >> at this stage in his

presidency. >> you're thinking of "the truman show," which was a terrible movie. >> all cute when he says, i'm my own worst enemy, i have to own up to my mistakes, except that he's put $5 trillion on to the national debt in three years. if you extrapolate that over -- >> how many times do i have to explain it? >> explain it, bob. >> if there had been a president obama, there had been a president mccain, it would have been $3 trillion in increases in entitlements and the national debt. >> however you're wrong with your numbers once again. president mccain or president conservative may have stopped adding to the national debt. >> you can't stop adding -- can you stop paying interest on the national debt? >> absolutely not. >> can you stop paying social security payments? >> you can reform social security. >> oh, okay. now you're talking about reform. >> yes, bob. that's okay to do.

do you think obama is his own worst critic? >> no. i think eric is his own worst critic. >> i want to bring in governor christie. mont he tore into president obama. he basically he blamed the super committee's failure to reach an agreement on president obama. we have tape! >> listening to the spin coming out of the administration about the failure of the super committee, and if the president knew it was doomed for failure, so he didn't get involved, then what the hell are we paying for? it's doomed for failure, so i'm not getting involved? what have you been doing exactly? when you're president -- it's not good enough to say i'll get it done after the election. >> dana, is he kind of sore that he didn't -- i can't believe i said sore. that's like an archie comic. you can see christie being sore about something, that he didn't enter the race?

>> no. i think he's proving, if it continues on this way, he'll be mitt romney's best asset in the campaign if he's going to campaign for him. >> if i could just say, the guy didn't have the guts himself to run. if you don't have the cajones to do that, go back to new jersey and make that state worked, which is floating, not because of anything christie did, but because of stimulus money. christie, if you're not willing to get up and run, don't criticize. >> you're not running either. >> i can't run. i got a record. >> that's true. >> governors make critical statements all the time of the president. he commissioned his own commission that he did nothing on. he's made no effort to reform entitlements, made no effort to balance the budget, a campaign promise in 2008. he's ducking for cover, because he knows if he jumps into a fight he'll get hit and he can't afford to -- >> outside of george bush, can you name me one of these republican candidates for

president who's come up with an entitlement program? >> paul ryan. >> paul ryan is not a presidential candidate. >> not yet. >> by the way, he had one that was going to cut $6 trillion. >> excuse me. he's not running for president, unless he's running for the we can is in club. he's -- for the kiwanis club. >> why do you our checkbook in your hand? you're spending money like a drunken sailor. >> he doesn't. >> you're saying he's from jersey, but he took unions in the room and said, look, we're going to reform pensions and benefits and bring the state back to health. he's doing that. what's obama could do but refuses to do. >> he canceled the tunnel to new york, which was smart. i'm for that. i think this makes a lot of sense. this guy is vastly overrated. >> that was stimulus money. >> it was before the stimulus. you know the thing that i come back to, you say gingrich has a

plan for entitlements. i haven't seen it. maybe it's not out there. forget ryan. he's not running. >> forget that -- >> i said he's not running for president. i'm asking you to tell me, name me one significant statement that's been -- >> gingrich and -- >> on entitlements? >> yes. >> what are they? tell me. you can't name them because they don't exist. >> it does exist, but we don't want our time talk being it. video was obtained, exclusive video, of illinois senator barack obama back in 2006, talking glowingly about reverend jeremiah wright. i did this for you, bob, more. >> the title of the book, some people have noted that i actually viewed that line in a speech that i gave in 2004 democratic convention, but i tell you what, i'm confessing to all of you here today, this is a

big crowd, 2,000 people, i'm confessing in front of the tv cameras, i actually stole this line from my pastor, jeremiah "ajeremiah a.wright jr. >> he's confessing he stole the titlechi which i thought was the title of a girl's diary. does this matter now? >> it probably doesn't matter. no, probably not that much, although for people not inclined to vote for obama again, maybe anybody that's on the fence, it does take a look at maybe the media will not protect president obama as well as they used to. >> oh, yeah. >> if the democrats try to make mormonism an issue, do they want to have this pastor debate of where obama got his religious beliefs and where -- >> sorry, all i can say is "the

five" deserves a lot of credit for breaking this incredibly new news story. this has been only around for about eight years. give the producers credit for digging this up. it's a shot at obama. admit what it is. it's a shot at obama. >> if we found out that no not t gingrich's spiritual advisor was david duke -- >> what's next? >> so what's the point? >> the point is we got to go to a break. >> yeah, okay. >> probably a good idea. >> you sure we don't have older obama tape? >> bob, we can't find older tape of obama. he didn't exist before 2005. why are democrats featuring andrea tanteros in a 2012

campaign ad? we'll show it to you next. and bob told me before the show he's looking for a pantsuit for his pet iguana. if you have suggestions, email us. he's adorable. >> he is. ♪

♪ >> welcome back to "the five." newt gingrich has been taking heat for immigration comments. last night o'reilly asked him about the border. take a listen. >> would you put a border from brownsville to san diego if you were president? >> yes. >> okay. >> absolutely. >> but you support a registration of illegal aliens? >> yes, i would support a universal registration of those who are here illegally. >> sanctuary cities, what do you to them? >> we'll propose a bill to cut off funding to any sanctuary city or sanctuary state. they get no money of any kind

from the federal government, period, as of that moment. >> what do you think, greg? >> he's got his opinions. >> i'm for a border fence, but to keep the attractive immigrants in, based on my immigration policy of good-looking people. the thing is the problem with newt he's so full of himself he needs two heads. he carries one around in a duffel bag when this one is full. no matter what he says, people get like more newt. >> he has an answer for everything. the question about the fence is a good one. a lot of these immigrations are really good, and it was great that o'reilly was digging deeper, getting him on the record. that interview probably helped newt gingrich on the immigration front, i would think. >> well, okay. and bob, i'm not really sure exactly -- that 25-year number that we've discussed, i went to newt.org and looked for, couldn't find it there. i'm confused about where he's going with that. o'reilly wanted to nail him down as to where he was on scare on y

cities, would you pay -- he said no. >> let's start with bill's question about a fence from brownsville to san diego is impossible to build one. >> why? >> because you have to go over mountains and have to go through the big bend. that's okay, that's fine. if you build a 12-foot fence, we'll invest in 13-foot ladders. the point is gingrich is showing courage on this. i think he answered those very well. i don't know about newt.org, because there's so many of them, but he has said, when he originally announced it, he said 25 years -- he made it very specific. he added one other thing to it which was each city would have their own group, a council to decide who stayed and went. >> could you imagine the political shenanigans with something like that? >> how can you prove you've been here for 25 years? here's my phone bill, 25 years old. really? >> it's a better strategy that's

out than what we're seeing now, and he's one of the only ones that has the guts to come out and say it. if you like to eat at restaurants? >> yes. >> okay. i would say most restaurants in this city, all the other cities across this country -- >> i'm the only one here at this table that says send illegal immigrants back, people who have broken the law. >> as great as it sounds to gop primary voters, what every candidate wants to say, but they don't have the guts to come out and -- >> is newt gingrich jumping the gop field, saying, here, i'm -- >> there's something to be said about it. one reason why -- by the way, the reason you do say it, you only want to bend to os and talk to -- oz and talked to the wizard. it would cost somewhere near $30 billion to send them back. >> just out of curiosity, what was the last stimulus plan, $860 billion, so your number,

$30 billion -- >> that means you have to find them. if you looked at your gardeners, you'd probably find them. george bush made a point, he got 44% of the hispanic vote. if the republicans cannot get north of 25% of the hispanic vote, they cannot get elected president of the united states. impossible. so the question for newt is, do you play that idiot tancredo game -- >> tancredo is a purist also. >> he's not in office anymore, first of all. and secondly, president obama is losing hispanics, not because of the immigration stance, but economic policies. there's a chance that a republican, if they're able to message it, could win. >> dream on, dream on, dream on. >> let's go to the next segment. take a listen to o'reilly grilling newt on pelosi, on

global warming. >> what was that all about? >> well, i've said it's one of the dumbest things i've done in recent years. it was an effort on my part to say that conservatives are concerned about the environment. we have better solutions. i actively oppose cap and trade. i testified against it the same day al gore testified for it, but the commercial was just a mistake. >> what do you think so? >> i love that he owned up to it. it was dumb and move on. he didn't try to defend it like most politicians do. newt gingrich is banking on a primary schedule that looked like an ekg meter. there could be an extended primary fight. if mitt romney doesn't win early, someone like newt gingrich could last. states like arizona, that have primaries in february, these positions that we argue about every day on "the five" could happen. >> the schedule favors gingrich, because after new hampshire you head south. south carolina, then flew flori,

all through south, oklahoma, the super tuesday states. romney will have a difficult time beating gingrich in these states. he'll start to win as you start to move north, the midwest, upper midwest, moving east. could be an extended primary season, and i think gingrich by doing this, you all passed over, he said i want people to know that republicans care about the environment, too and not all of us are flat earthers who don't believe in grand slam. >globalin global warming.>> thee followed what the democrats did, and found their obama. instead we're going back to the old school. there's going to be dozens of these things popping up with gingrich. >> i'm not here to bash newt, by the way. i think i'm done bashing every gop up here. i'm done. you can talk about these subjects, trash newt, trash mitt. newt is a brilliant guy,

smartest man in the room. is this enough to move him away from the pelosi, whole global warming issue? >> i think the person that is going start bashing gingrich is perry, because if you -- he's got a lot of money. he's got that big pac, and you might start to see some attack ads against newt, because if you think you could come in second or third in some of these states you don't necessarily want to go after the frontrunner, you want to go -- >> one piece of inside information, perry is in money trouble. he's blown a lot of his money. the burn rate is $500,000 a week. he's in financial trouble. >> and he needs a lot of 21-year-olds to vote. >> and quickly, rom didid say, first time his campaign has said, we will win iowa. we'll make an effort in iowa. >> that's a very important point. can we talk about that when we come back? >> romney, great hair. newt smart man. rick perry, created a lot of money. pro-gop guys. >> i never would have known.

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♪ >> welcome back to "the five." right before the break, we were talking about something that was in a significant development today. andrea, walk us through. what did the romney campaign say today about iowa? >> they acknowledged iowa, said thethey are going to win iowa, which is huge, because they were ignoring iowa. they didn't want put all their chips on iowa publicly, and fail, and be hurt going into new

hampshire. that's critical. newt gingrich has forced them to be competitive, to come out and make a play for the state. it's huge. it's really big. >> you wanted to make a point? >> the biggest political story around, that's been overlooked, the fact is not only did he ignore iowa e stayed away from the ames straw poll. he made it clear that he did not consider iowa to be part of his game plan. now all of a sudden it's down to two people in iowa. he's got to compete. he had 25% of the vote in the caucuses in iowa in 2008. i think what you're going to see now is putting massive amounts of money in there with the hope that he can pull off an upset in iowa, go on and win new hampshire, and then, maybe then, he becomes the prohibitive frontrunner and wins the nomination early. i don't think that's going to happen. i don't think that he can go in there and buy that thing off in this short a period of time. the fact is, he had no choice. that's the other thing. he had no choice. how does a frontrunner stay out of iowa when there's nobody else but one other person running? >> i'll quickly point, he does

need to win these early states. that's his strategy. >> that's true. >> he has to win these. >> he can't win in south carolina. >> what do you think if you're a romney, gingrich, or even perry, trying to go forward, what do you think the most important issue is on their minds? is it the economy? >> i think it has to be. they're similar on other issues. they've both come out with the immigration thing that -- you know, they'll take shots at each other. i think i has to be the economy. of the two, mitt romney's got a 59-point plan. newt's is cohesive, his plan to bring jobs back to america. fantastic plan. it's very cogent, believable. >> the intensity factor behind the immigration factor is higher in iowa than other states. >> doesn't matter, between the two of them -- >> it favors the gop right now. one of the things happening in iowa, before we continue to talk

about a mitt/newt issue, there's a group that's for sarah palin, that's actually put money where their mouth is, run this ad, asking her to run. >> we will not solve our economic problems in this country until we confront the crony capitalism of our permanent political class. this is socialism for the very rich and for the very poor. but it's a brutal form of capitalism for the rest of us. the challenge is not simply to replace obama in 2012, the real challenge is who and what we will replace him with. >> i think that was a fife, like a musical instrument. fife fans, don't write in. this is basically a reflection of dissatisfaction at what people are looking at in the field, but it reminds me of people that get upset when their show got canceled, whether it's "star trek" or "freaks and

geeks." they can't let it go. they do letter writing campaigns. you've got to move on, people. there are other candidates out there. >> look, the conservative movement is looking for sarah palin to jump back in. clearly she can't get in in primary states, but could get in in caucus states. >> they're a month late. >> why is that a waste of time? >> there's no way she can get in. >> not only that, but to make a point -- >> i don't want her to make a point at this point, because we will lose. >> that may be the worst political ad i've seen. she's got a 70% negative in the country, eric. that's more than i've got. >> there's a reason why the leader, the alleged leader, mitt romney, can't get over 25%, because the conservative voice is looking to get behind someone they would get behind her. >> she falls behind him in the polls when she was talking about going in.

>> one of the reasons this is even coming up is because of something like this. we teased this earlier, where andrea features in a dnc ad against romney. >> oh, yeah. good. >> who is this guy? can you trust him? >> i've never support the president's recovery act, all right, the stimulus. no time, nowhere, no how. i think there is need for economic stimulus. >> preserve and protect a woman's right to choose. >> the right next step in the fight to preserve the sanctity of life. >> he was pro-choice, then pro-life. >> andrea. >> did they ask permission, andrea? >> they did. i don't know what the dnc is thinking about me. >> we'll run that a lot, but i'm going to suggest they put the republican consultant underneath there. >> it does show that the democrats are more mother's day about romney than anybody else, trying -- more worried about romney than anybody else, trying

to attack him. >> mitt romney did save the olympics, am i right? >> yeah, maybe. >> just putting it out there. >> american airlines filed for bankruptcy, and are unions to blame? we'll debate that next on "the five." >> oh, of course. ♪ new york and "the

five." ♪ >> our new executive producer here is an oklahoma guy, and i've been making fun of that song and him. i give him a lot of credit. well, he's from oklahoma, he probably didn't know better, but he put it up there. welcome back to "the five." american airlines filed for bankruptcy. why? high fuel prices, bad management, lousy schedules,

inferior planes, and they say labor issues. eric will blame the unions of course. i'll go to dana first. dana? >> you don't think i'm going to blame the unions? >> i certainly hope not. >> i agree on the bad plane thing. they have some of the oldest planes. if i have to travel american airlines i embrace for the experience. they were trading today at 25 cents. the value of the company is worth $83.3 million, which i think the united states government spends in about half a second. >> your brother is an airline pilot. is he with continental? >> yes. >> what do you think about this? >> i think airlines have done this before. i think they're following the lead of northwest and delta and united did this before. they do this because they don't want to pay pensions and they don't want to pay, so they scoot out. what's interesting, the executives make sure they get their bonuses. >> exactly right. >> you're right, the point about the planes is dead on. they fly these old md-80s, which can't be helping.

today we saw the ceo step down. i wonder if he'll ask for a big bonus. it's not the pilots union because of the railroad labor act. they don't have the power to strike and take these -- >> of course not. it's a scab move by management to rip off their money and leave poor laborers there with the -- >> pilots make nothing to begin with. they have our lives in their hands, but -- >> they have the coolest job. wherever they go anywhere, they go, yeah, i'm a pilot. they walk into any bar, no competition. we're heaving out one part of this. forget about the unions, but talk about the fuel costs, that have a lot to do with our environmental policy. we just pushed off the xl pipeline is not going to make flying cheaper, but breaking the contract with the unions cheaper for american airlines. they would save $600 million if they were just paying what the other airlines are paying, but they don't. basically what it is, the union model is so broke, it drives business to be uncompetitive,

and then drives business into bankruptcy. >> wait a minute. will you educate him. >> southwest is doing well. southwest pays their pilots fairly. southwest is flourishing. >> they don't charge for baggage fees, everything else. >> andrea said the rest of the guys went into bankruptcy to scab out the unions. that's the reason they're doing it. we'll turn to another subject. >> wait, wait, wait. is there a way that management can form unions in order to tell workers what to do? >> no, they couldn't, because they'd have to work if they did. one of the great american legislators has announced today he's going to retire. barney frank from massachusetts, i think, one of the all-time great house members, is out. he mentioned his thoughts about the 2012 presidential election and the munchkins. >> for those who think maybe this is a signal that you don't think the democrats are going to win back control of the house in 2012, your response would be what? >> that i wish we could talk substance sometimes in the

media. i know that's against apparently the rules. no. i'm making a personal decision here. this doesn't mean we're not going to take back the house. in fact, i think we're likely to win this seat. >> you know, i meant -- he didn't mention the 2012 presidential race. he was talking about the chance, which, by the way, the democrats getting, i thought was impossible three weeks ago, redistricting in the courts has changed that, got a shot at it. don't you think barney frank will go down as one of the great legislators of all time? >> one of the most interesting legislators. one of the worst legislators of all time. >> what? >> we have a bite of barney frank in 2003, basically saying, i don't think -- we'll play it. let's take a listen. >> i do not think we are facing any kind of a crisis, that is in my view, fannie mae and freddie

mac are not in a crisis. we see pressure generated in part by exaggerated fears of a financial crisis. >> unfortunately exaggerated fears were wrong. you were wrong, barney frank. that was at the beginning of the crisis which ended up costing americans $2.5 trillion in home values, bob. i wouldn't call him great. i'd call him a dummy. >> i think that if there's one thing he had back, it was his association with fannie mae, i agree with you on that, but he was the cosponsor of one of the great bills to bring corporate america finally out of the illegal area they play in. >> houses tha how's that workin? >> working fine, getting big banks under control. >> okay. you blame corporate america when corporate america does something bad, but now you say corporate america is doing well because of dodd-frank. which wins it? >> i think corporate america is doing well. they have more cash on hand that -- they're sitting on it or shipping it overseas. >> can i make a prediction?

where do we see frank going? i see a memoir in eight months called "being frank." do you like that? >> yeah. >> he'll talk about being gay, his struggle with his wait, opening up a bed and breakfast, but there's no breakfast, only beds, and -- >> please, please. that was a little nasty, i thought. >> nasty? he's going on vacation. >> excuse me. >> what's up with this gun club offering pics with santa and machine guns? i'm sure the nra is behind that. we'll tell you moments from now. bang-bang! ♪ we know a place where tossing and turning have given way to sleeping. where sleepless nights yield to restful sleep.

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♪ ♪ >> is this spring? >> welcome back to "the five." when you think of christmas, you think of reindeer and elves and snow and christmas trees. when you think of santa, do you think of machine guns? they do in scottsdale, arizona, where you can get your picture taken at the scottsdale gun club

with not just santa, but, yes, ak-47s and your entire family. now, this idea is getting a lot of controversy. greg is giving it's a thumbs-up. one of the pictures we couldn't run showed a family with guns. i'm very pro-gun. >> what do you mean you can't run it? >> we can run the one picture. >> so what. >> they're posing with the cameras, because they have children in them. >> so what. >> they're little kids, and one husband has the gun pointed at his wife's head and they're laughing. >> i can't believe you're saying this. >> hold on. you should not be joking about guns with little kids and pointing them at someone's head. go ahead, greg. >> i like this. obviously the guns aren't loaded. i like it, because it scares the hell out of visiting europeans who already think we're crazy people. they go, oh, my god, we're never invading this country. also it's a reminder to all you occupy wieters, if there's a

revolution, the other side is better armed. >> we have better weapons? >> yes. >> let's arm all 6 and 7-year-olds. that would be great. is it santa's responsibility to arm them? my idea about bullying, if every kid in schools carry loaded handguns, you have no bullying. >> stop it. we had this discussion earlier. just because someone has a right to hold a gun doesn't make them violent. >> they don't have a right to hold that gun. >> guns don't kill people. it's the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be -- >> what was the militia? do they have a militia? >> one of the quotes from one of the gun club members was, it's all for fun. whether you're a gun advocate or not, you can have fun with it. i thought we're not supposed to have fun. >> look at that goober there. >> i'm partial to the christmas cards that have the family pet on them. >> yeah, exactly right.

>> if it was you, it would be a playboy postcard with a little girl -- >> did you see that goober standing there in the picture, the gun guy? this is what i'm talking about. it's christmas, it's santa claus. >> here's the point about guns. you try to train children about the safety of guns, make it part of the family. >> those are bazookas, greg. >> that's not a bazooka. >> the second one was. then machine guns? >> they had their pick of a vast array of fully automatic weapons. >> it was so popular last year, they're doing it again this year, and another one december 10th. >> and then the grenades. >> a lot of these families hunt together. it's good family togetherness. it reaches responsibility. you're looking at me like -- >> are you kidding me? that's the biggest reach i've had. are we going to shoot bambi? how about we shoot all the reindeer? we can shoot all the reindeer. >> have you ever eaten reindeer?

it's fantastic. >> oh, it sucks. >> i had reindeer pizza when i was in finland. i enjoyed it. >> you know what else families do together? >> you hit me. >> i didn't hit you. it was a loving tap. we have to move on. in doylestown, pennsylvania, you can't put up color lights. 200 households, only a couple dozen responded, that's the problem, a lot of people didn't respond, a lot of houses didn't want blinking lights or colored lights. >> this was something like larry david on "curb your enthusiasm" would institute in his neighborhood. >> i decorate every year. i decided to do it. i have something lake 60,000 lights in my house. i'll bring you my video. >> you're one those. >> they're colored and white and red and they're yellow.

red for my communist friends. >> you're not green? >> no, we don't have green. green is a lousy color for -- >> environmental, bob. >> no. these are l.e.d. lights. >> oh, okay. are you going to get a christmas tree for your apartment in new york? >> i'm not going to get any christmas tree that's not real. have you seen these things out here in new york? they look terrible. >> the christmas trees? >> they look like they're from the jersey shore. >> i wonder what's going to happen after christmas, what do you do them? >> what's wrong with "jersey shore"? >> they're fake. >> an angry alec baldwin is now unhinged on twitter. we have more on that in moments. ♪ daddy, come in the water!

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a anywhere? >> anywhere "town hall" is sold. >> can i see the middle? >> there was an article, done back in june. >> you got a centerfold? let me see. >> don't bring that up. >> can i talk about what happened last night? alec baldwin went on twitter and

started raging against everybody and anybody. it got nasty. i want to read a couple tweets. first one do you have it up there, people? there you go. what does this one say? i can't read that. >> i assume you can right off your write wing dry-cleaning bills. clearly he's doing a ambien or whiskey. get this. he's making fun of a twitter of doing 15,000 tweets and having only 1500 followers. what kind of celebrity would make fun of -- >> only thing more swollen his face is his ego. >> this is dana in iraq with her dates for the prom. >> that was in anwar province.

>> it was? >> yeah. >> alec baldwin is a -- wants to be mayor of new york, though,. >> yeah, right. >> i find him absolutely entertaining when somebody else is writing his script, but this shows you, as andy levin has said about baldwin in general, makes you appreciate the writers of "30 rock." >> yeah. >> anytime he's without a script writer, he's a mor moron. >> most celebrities are when they have brilliant lines in movies that everybody likes and quotes, they don't write them. they just show up and read them. >> it just shows you twitter is evil, because if you have a few glasses of," thiwine, you have t it down. >> put the blackberry down, on the other side of the room, or turn it off. >> i just want to say, i write my own stuff. >> i know you do, bob. that's why we love you. that's it for "the five."