welcome to "red eye." i'm greg gutfeld. the rest of the new jersey state troopers like to call me the fairfield flasher. andy, what is coming up on to night's show? >> here i go again on my own, america. our top story, the oscars, who will win? who will lose? who cares? and does smoking pot make you represent at work? and what happens when we send bill schulz to toy fair? unfortunately he is here to tell us about it. >> thank you, andy. >> today is friday. >> yes. >> and tomorrow is saturday. >> yes. >> and sunday comes afterward. >> why are you doing this? >> doing what? >> rere-- reciting the lyrics to the awful rebecca black song. >> i don't know what you are talking about. >> okay. >> gotta get down on friday,

go away. >> let's welcome my guests. fox news channel anchor patty patti ann browne. and he holds the patent on partying. oh i missed him. and he is maiden tierl of paste and sadness. it is bill schulz. and he is so sharp that ninjas fling him at their enemies. next to me, kurt loder. his new book is called the good, the bad and the god awful. it is about bill schulz's three nipples. and our new york times correspondent, good to see you, pinch. >> inning rid -- ingrid riel yells profiles the city in belgium. the piece reminds me of something, quote, una-panuna una-panuna-bunga. and loosely translated that

means i would like some mayo with my fries please. sorry, it is the only belgian i know. >> well let's move on. can they give an award without us getting board? yes, it is oscar time once again, and people all-around the world will be waiting breathlessly on sunday for the nightmare to end. what can be done to make the show more fun? well bloomburg writer, if that is her real name, offers suggestions to reverse the trend of the broadcast's dwindling viewer ship. first, kill everyone. she suggests splitting the best picture category into two segments. one for movies that sell pour than 10 million tickets and others that sell for less. she notes this would mean the films people actually saw like harry potter that was about a gardener who has a hair problem, "rise of the planet apes" and" bridesmaids" would be a part of the show. and splitting the category would allow for tiny yes, sir films would be recognized like

"the artist,"" money ball" and my perm favorite" puffer fish versus the laser" the unauthorized true story. >> that's his best role. i am a fan of a lot of his work. andrew, i have to say you are the most positive person i know with the exception of john mayor. you love everything. can you possibly defend the oscars? >> yes, what i see about it, it is like a bondage situation. you are going to be sitting whether at home or actually in the theater. and you are going to sit there for a longtime. you are going to get bed sores and chair sores and couch sores. but it is that time when you lay your head so the pillow or armrest and it starts to grind into the side. there is a numbness there, but it is all worth the pain. you build it like a badge of

courage in your soul and you hope you have some kind of -- >> if you survive it, it makes you stronger as some philosopher must have said who i can't remember. >> mr. loder, is virginia correct that more people would watch it if they cared about the movies nominated? >> i think so. what is extremely close and loud and incredible, and why is that on the list? i have three people who saw it and they all hated it. >> it had a great title. >> slebt of the -- excellent. >> i haven't seen the movie, patti ann browne, but it is probably interesting. is it possible there is no way to make the oscars interesting? remember when they had a group of midgets hosting the show in the 1980s? that was fan it is fantastic. >> i actually find the oscars to be highly entertaining. these actors suck at going live. they are so used to rehersing and being filmed and edited. they are terrified on the

stage and can't read the prompter and it makes me feel very smug. >> it is all about -- it is basically three hours of self-esteem class for you. >> it is not so smooth without a hundred takes, huh? >> pab saying it is all about me, who cares about the oscars? i get it. bill, will you be watching this year's oscars the way you usually do through the window of an apartment and the alley you live in? >> yes and no. i am staring at my neighbor, boxcar oscar. short of hiring simon coul and a bunch of panelists to judge the nominees as they reenact their scenes there is nothing you can do to make these oscars more enjoyable. and hotel for dogs was not nominated. i realize that it came out in 2009, but that movie tran sends years. >> it is true. sometimes i think that movie was made in the future, and the time traveler had one choice. he says "i am going to keep bringing it back."

he could have cured cancer. "hotel for dogs" is the movie that will cure everything. i will start with you, kurt. what should win the best picture and you can't say tree of life. >> i think it is a great movie. i am amazed that "young adult" was not nominated. >> i did not see. it -- i did not see it. i heard it was good. >> i just don't get it. >> i think the silent movie will probably get it. >> you liked "tree of life." i felt it was a grad school exercise in meta physical exsew sten shallism. it was done bay a professor who wanted to get lucky with a co-ed. >> and what was wrong with that? that was a mistake. >> andrew, i don't know if you follow movies closely. i assume you do. >> of course. >> any best picture pick, and the movie you wish was nominated? >> tin-tin.

>> as opposed to "war horse." >> i don't recall the title being that long. >> "the adventures of tin-tin." >> when i look at tin-tin, i am creeped out how the human characters are approximating it too close. >> the art of uncanny. they look better than any human i have ever seen. so i am saying thank goodness i don't have to look at one other human being again on that big screen. that's a lot of space to fill. >> the closer they get -- what is it, the uncanny valley? >> yes. >> it unnerves you. what will happen when they have sexy chicks done like that? will that be better or worse? >> better. >> really? >> it is all better. >> i thought uncanny valley was a video. and that valley was uncanny. >> pab, how about you? what are your picks? >> have i a six-year-old son. >> stop bragging. >> i saw "pus and boots" and that was the only movie i have seen. i liked it, so that's the only vote i have.

>> was that a cartoon? >> "new year's day" didn't make it. >> it not only super seeded what what -- the questions valentine's day was asking, but it was in and of itself a tour de force. i am going with hsd as a write in candidate. hotel for dogs is due. also a great movie, dark horse. >> i only saw two of the movies "midnight in paris" i thought it was over rated. >> it is good. >> there were a lot of political digs in there i thought were weird. it didn't fit. you can tell woody allen is getting cranky. and to make owen wilson act like woody allen is weird. he is a good looking guy, but they said put him in khakis and walk like this. >> isn't it great though? woody allen has come to his senses and casted owen wilson

as woody allen so we don't have to look at woody allen. i don't like you woody allen. >> you know what should have been nominated? "the debt." it was a jewish movie, israeli movie. it was a good one. i like "source code." i thought "source code" was fast and fun. and i like "drive" because the first 10 minutes of" drive" were amazing. the rest of the movie was -- >> and where is ryan gossling this year? last year was here year. he was in "crazy, stupid love." it was hysterical. >> ryan gossling is scarlet johansson without the make up. she takes the stuff off. >> that explains it. >> a few layers of spanx too. >> sean penn was surprised that first night too. from movies to memos. they want to shut the spicket. they want to avoid sin when

talking about jeremy lin. writing in a media advisory, quote, aaja has noticeyed factual inaccuracies about jeremy lin's background and alarming number of references that rely on stereo types about asians or asian-americans. the group lists danger zones starting with a slur that got an espn headline writer canned. but other stuff to keep clear of? food. take out boxes of imagery. martial arts, you are writing about a basketball player. his skills with tie quan dough. do not refer to lin as grasshopper. i like using that word. it is everywhere. and finally, by the way, i don't even know if anybody has actually done this. this is why they are giving people bad ideas. me love you lin time.

obviously that's ridiculous. >> somebody else must have done it. >> andy will google it. you know who is blissfully unaware of insensitivity in the world, a puppy who dreams about running. >> that is amazing. the stuff they are talking about makes a lot of sense. and it makes a lot of sense when you talk about what just happened with ben and jerry's. at ben and jerry's we just found out came up with a taste the linsanity. in the original concoction of this vanilla and licci honey flavor they put in bits of fortune cookie. and then they realized the mistake and replaced it with

waffle cone. so even ben and jerry's which is the most politically correct company on the planet makes these mistakes. are these just -- but aren't these racial mistakes, or are they just -- they picked fortune cookies because that's a chinese food or part of what you get with chai niece food. >> first of all, they are not chinese food. they were invented in america. and they are made right across the way here in brooklyn and in queens, right by the big cemetery there. you can smell them by the city view hotel there. next time you get a fortune cookie, they are not chinese. they are american. >> i want to know why you had to use the city view motel. >> that's a landmark. >> that's the only reason you wept there was to smell the aroma. >> i was there for -- well, let's move on. >> much like lin, this is a chinese thing that was made in america.

one more time. mmmm. >> what do you make of the advisory? is it valid or does it make the advisory board look humorless? i think they are dumb jokes. >> it is always nice to be leaned on by special interest groups. they have a point here. if your grand father was born in highland it doesn't make you irish. jeremy lynn was born in california. he was an american. i don't get it. >> that is a great point. the organization has a point. he is an american guy and these are silly jokes. pab, when i was a kid we used to buy joke books. there was a polish joke book. i would go to macy's. they were dirty jokes. you could not do this. they would have a caricature on an italian or irish or polish. is it good we are moving away

from this thing? >> it is. >> i know you are racist, but i am hoping you will know how to answer this. >> the question is that was the motivation with these journalists really racial or was it more just sloppy. this association is asking these sports writers to avoid lazy, trite, sloppy, stupid jokes. that's pair bread and butter. basically they are asking these journalists to discriminate against lin by treating him differently and using whatever silly analogies they can come up with. >> bill, when you were hired, i read the entire handbook for dealing with sequential huh maf raw diets. it didn't help. >> there is only 12 of us. we don't need an entire book. >> and the fact that i read it after i hired you. >> well, i can put it on your desk. i think the asian defamation society has to be really powerful. you have the italian american society having to deal with

eight years of the sopranos and doing nothing. >> it is true. the sopranos was such a great show that you didn't take it seriously because it was so well written. the jokes were so stupid and bone headed and it is like, it is not that. >> sports writers. >> people thinking they are funny and they are not. >> that's the story of "red eye." >> yes, exactly. can't get to the third story. coming up, probably something. yes, most likely, not nothing. first, does smoking pot every day make you less motivated at work? ask patti ann browne. >> guests on "red eye" will receive a complementary hub cap and other prizes.

note, other prizes are also hup hup -- hub caps.

is cannabis bad for business? it is according to a new study from mind blowing studies incorporated that found it is tied to less motivation at work. researchers came to the conclusion after surveying1500 norwegians. i would like to survey 1500 norwegians over a 25-year period, but that is for another time. the author of the story can't prove tab it is due to the drug's affects or if the fans of pot are more likely to loaf. and people could be unhappy with their jobs and turn to marijuana. i am guessing it is one or none or all of those reasons. that's why we are going to discuss this in the -- >> lightning

roooooouuuuunnnnnnddd. lightning round. >> curtis, what are those things you can go one way or the other way? >> that's true. this just in smoking marijuana causes snacking spikes. shocker. >> why do you think they had to do the study? >> a government grant. >> yes, that's all you need. pab, are you high right now as we all know. do you find yourself less motivated to comment on the story? >> yes, i guess you expect me to say something witty, but by the time i got around to it it was 4:20 in the afternoon and i couldn't careless. >> you are the party hardest inker ever. i love it. >> nice reference to 4-20 by the way. >> these guys argue that experimentation which by the way i don't believe in in their youth would not lead to long-term affects. would you buy that? >> i wouldn't know much about this topic in general.

there is a conspiracy out there to not only make people use this drug, but convince them it makes them lazy when it is the opposite. it is a side affect of having done the drug. i wouldn't know anything about it. >> by the way, if you want to learn more about andrew wk and not knowing more about the study, google his name in high times interview. >> i am on their daily website. i was one of the founders. i was the one that interviewed you. good memory. >> that's when we first met. >> this is the problem. none of you have any coherent information. >> i didn't file it until 2002 of. >> they were so surprised you handed it in early.

they were like, oh, we didn't even know you did this. >> i still haven't got paid for it. >> they don't even know they have it, but you can ask for money and they will pay you for it. >> i ended up smoking the story. >> all right, prompter person. so this week a boy's high school soccer game in california lasted two days, yes, twice the normal length. the match -- soccer humor doesn't go over well. bishop of la jolla and san diego crawford ended in a 3-3 tie, but after 21 rounds of something called penalty kicks there still wasn't a winner and the game was suspended due to darkness. it resumed the next day with 29 more rounds of kicks before la jolla brought an end to this awful, awful nightmare. kurt, does this prove once and for all that soccer is not a sport? anything that goes on that long is a hobby. it is like knitting. >> if they will continue to do this they should switch over

to cricket and we can all fall asleep. >> cricket goes on to are a week jie. five days. >> there are no insects involved in the game. i thought that was a stupid joke when i was saying it, but i said it anyway because frankly i don't care. pab, you have a son, as you bragged about many times with all of us childless couples here. are you planning on steering your precious son away from soccer if you know it will cost him two days of his existence? >> he plays a little bit now. >> oh brag some more. i bet he is really good too. >> how much does he bench press? >> not that it matters. >> you have to expose them to everything. to me it proves what we already knew is soccer is a fundamentally flawed and boring game. anything that could produce a two-day tie needs a change to the scoring methodology. >> they should just change the name of soccer to 0 at half. an -- andrew, you are incredibly positive so i think

you like soccer, but should we just ban it? >> i played soccer growing up. it works your crafls, hamstrings. your rare muscle there on the side, you want an activity that gets people going. if it lasts two days all the more better for the exercise. >> it is not exercising if the penalty kick. that's why they should call it penalty kick. i played soccer for eight years and my butt got big and never went away. look at it. i have a very firm glute. the game lasted eight years. they cut me though because i broke my foot. it is a story you need to know. what do you make of soccer? you don't play any sports. >> yes, i do. >> i am on a football team. it is touch and co-ed, but football is played. i don't want to lift the

curtain of behind the scenes of "red eye," but every once in awhile we will do a story and our producer will give us information that could help progress the story. in this case our producer literally goes into my ear, they should use hands. that's a contradiction i would like to use. there you go, they should use hands. that's why we have the peabodys that we do. >> if you use your hand it is rugby. >> or football american style. >> we get a lot of letters when we bash soccer from fans who like it. do you have a comment on the show? i played soccer. i can talk about it. >> >> nor muss glute. >> i am building my calves. >> e mail us.

it is red eye at fox news.com. to leave a voicemail 212-4 212-412-6060. >> it is brought to you by pittsburgh, the second largest city in pennsylvania and the second largest in the united states. thanks, pittsburgh.

welcome back.

let's see if we got anything wrong so far. how are you doing? >> good, greg. settle down of the. >> i am excited. it is friday. i can't wait to get out at 4:15 a.m. and hit the town. go crazy, hang out. >> straight to the clubs. >> you know it. they are waiting for me. they keep my private booth warm. >> the after hours clubs are great. >> they are fantastic. >> the oscars are like a bondage situation, but there is no safe word which is the problem. >> yes, yes. right. safe words. >> greg, the philosopher that says what doesn't kill me makes me stronger is -- >> i know. i was pretending to be stupid. sometimes it is hard to tell. >> it is definitely hard to tell. >> nice pronunciation. >> i am joking. hard to tell.

>> sometimes i get confused. >> i took a little german in high school in college, pab. >> you took a little german, where? >> pab, you said you found the oscars entertaining because they suck at going live. why don't they memorize their lines? that's what they do for a living. >> i don't understand it either. these so-called actors fall apart. they must get the lines in advance. >> they do. i understand -- i understand they can't read the prompter. that's not what they do for a living. they do memorize lines for a living. >> can i point out, you know an award ceremony, they change everything up until the last minute. >> he is siting in a giant nest and dropping down like fortune cookie slips with jokes. >> unbelievable.

>> i am america's bad boy. >> you get a pass. >> really there is nothing they can do to make the oscars more enjoyable. what they can do is stop talking about awards, make up, sound,ett ditting,ett set raw. >> i think i speak for every sounded for in america when i say, "f" you. >> it sounded good when you said it. >> thank you. that was my impression. >> we may edit that sound out. that said the academy's line on this all branches are equal so they will never do that. what do you think should win best picture? and please say "tree of life." >> "tree of life." be sure not to watch it on your ipad. >> i watched it on a big screen tv and it took forever. >> that's my over looked movie. >> melancholy" i watched it

once and then watched it again and i thought why am i doing this? >> i don't know if i would have watched it again. >> "lawrence of arabia" i can watch it anytime. >> does "medicalmelancholy" have a scene? >> i would see the crap out of that. >> i saw "the debt." "source code" was good and" drive" was over rated. >> it was the best 15 minutes of film of the year. >> and albert brooks got sly over looked. he should have been nominated for supporting agoer it. dark dark supporting actor. joy he always gets screwed. >> in the planet of the apes? great movie. >> he was more lifelike than james franco was.

bill, "hotel for dogs" came out in 2009, so not eligible for these oscars. >> asian-american journalists guidelines. somebody held up a sign saying "we love you lin time." >> i stand corrected. >> my favorite part is this one. they say food, is there a compelling reason to draw a connection between lin and for fiewn cookies? is in the majority that means no. which means sometimes there is a compelling reason. andrew you are correct in that fortune cookies don't exist in china. they are now mainly an american thing, they actually probably originated in 19th century japan. >> you have taught me once again, andy. >> it wasn't until world war ii that chinese owned

manufacturing were making the fortune cookies and that's because we put the japanese bakers in interment camps. >> i want to know in your research on wikipedia, did anybody create new fortunes or repsych kill old ones? >> i don't know. >> it is not really your fault. >> it is not interesting to me either. people who smoke pot are less motivated at work. it is shameful for the f-20 joke. -- 4-20 joke. >> you are a journalist. >> not a sports writer. >> maybe i miss heard this. you said you think there is a conspiracy that makes people think doing pot makes you lazy when it is a side affect of the drug. >> the conspiracy is to make people think you are lazy. but it doesn't it makes you

motivated and animated and excited. it is much like i am doing now. that's the conspiracy. >> he scares me. >> we got it. >> high school soccer team, honestly i didn't pay attention to soccer because it is so awful i tune it out. >> it is a fun game to play. >> dpr game to play. horrible to watch. make the nets bigger. >> says the nascar fan. >> or get rid of the goalies. one or the other. >> that seems a bit violent. get red of threm. >> just remove them from the team or was i? >> i have to tell the story bever i go. i have the i phone 4s which you can talk on.

but it accident low activates and it happened to me. instead of just turning it off i said go away. it started to do its spiny thing and it came back and the voice said, i'm sorry, i don't have a phone number for andrew wk. true story. i. >> you are serious. you are not making fun of me or siri? >> it must have heard go away as andrew wk. >> okay. i have his phone number. >> i don't want either of you to have the phone number. >> you might want to change your e mail address while you are at it. >> i am done. >> i think you should give it it off. you think i am kidding because i am not. they are disgusting. all right, andy, go away. the eu is projecting a

mild euro zone recession. what does that mean for you? beats me. instead what -- what do they have to say? nothing when they tell you sharing is for losers, kids. >> guests will receive a guided tour with the action brothers. they have been training together for 15 years and their mission is to show you a good time every time.

easy bake ovens make me pretty barbie, betsy-wetsy, a knife. are things of today on par with my old favorites? we sent the journalistic equivalent of a sock monkey over to see why anyone should care about the toy fair. there will be a freakish man child that strangles them with a rope. >> hi, america. welcome to the 2012 toy fair.

let's go have some fun. >> all right. we just got to the toy fair and first thing's first. i am getting my fabulous on. that comes in the form of glitter tattoo. doness duncun, tell me -- denise duncun, tell me about this. >> they last three to seven days and are water proof. you have hundreds to choose from and you can actually go home and apply yourself. >> isn't it more fun to apply with a partner? >> yes. >> are you going to let me do it to you? >> please. >> some favorites, the unicorn, hearts, ferries. i loik this one. it is on my hands. >> you had me at unicorn. >> and your unicorn.

>> oh yeah. >> they have all of the uh ven yes, sirs from the marvel universe including thor. thor can you be more aryan? that is a big no from this blue eyed bastard. you are a biggot. something popular when i was a kid, we are at the where's waldo exhibit. i found him and he was really hiding. we haven't seen waldo in awhile, but it looks like he has had some surgery. i believe he is on hormones right now. i support your right to be wandal. times have changed of the they have some awesome figurines over here. let's see if we can get a t rex. mr. t rex, what do you think about the current situation

with iran. >> it goes to show you that iran is always going to be iran. and if israel wants to be israel they will have to go in there guns a blazing. >> that's a good point. but aren't you worried about nuclear armageddon? >> i am already extinct. >> t rex, keep on, brother. >> the tea party has gotten into the toy business. we have a founding father bobblehead in the form of george washington. it is our 21st president. i can't tell a lie either, you are adorable. i was very impressed with this particular booth. this is a new toy called the hudson news. look what kids are playing with these days. this is the economist. how to set syria free? and demi's desperate spiral. uh pierntly kids are --

apparently kids are interested in drug-addicted cowers. >> it was as awesome as expected. what i learned what is old is new again. >> sbt that right sock monkey? >> it sure is, bill. what was the big tacked away? >> the greatest generation of the history of generations. my little pony, star wars, rainbow bright, all of this stuff is back again. it is huge. it is like it never went away. >> like herpes. >> what was your favorite toy growing up? >> the exploding ken doll. it was a one time thing. >> what about you, pab? i imagine it was envy or fear. >> i liked the paint by numbers because you could make this masterpiece and nobody

had to know you were cheating. >> deceitful. >> you would think it would be something education will a. makes me sick to my stomach. i hope i never have daughters. no, kidding. >> you can have mine. >> andrew, something tells me you still play with toys. >> yes, matches. and then i thought about this lighter. and several variations. i still play with them today. >> good for outdoor joints. >> outdoor locations, exactly. >> my favorite toy was a slinky which is what i called my mom's old lingerie. >> i was going to say my favorite was hot wheels which is what i call fever blisters. i couldn't afford silly putty and made my own and called it

angry putty. i don't know what i am doing right now. i am spreading out the time here. all right, time to take a break. but don't go anywhere. i said so.

should he be flogged for sawing logs. after off duty new york cop was snapped taking a nap on the subway with gun in plain view by an occupy wall street protestor who e mailed the photo to the cops' higher ups. the snitch, martin bezee, i don't like him already, later tweeted the pick along with the following smug report, quote, nyc cop sleeping on f train with weapon. i reported his vacation docked. if you see something, say something. despite not being on the clock and headed to security where it is sanctioned by the force, he was slapped with a command discipline. so hooray snitches. for a theatrical out take, let's go for a peek.

sphwhie santorum is right -- santorum is right. this country is going to hell. when a bird and a cat are bonding like that. he was right, wasn't he? he was right. kurt, okay, i get it. the guy was sleeping with his gun. but this guy is an f-ing snitch. well, he is a snitch. wake the cop up. >> true, you could do that. by now you would think the ows people would be happy to see all of the cops go to sleep. >> andrew, what do you make of this? i get it, but if he wasn't

sleeping he wasn't working hard enough. there is a soothing quality to it. this cop is pushing it. he deserves a little extra. >> the other guy was not uh -- was dmot asleep. >> docking is vacation time is only helping the problem. >> the guy -- pab, he wasn't working at the time. this guy has been awarded several citations for bravery. he busted a rapist. what has this other jackass done. >> he does two jobs, a security, catching z's between the two. he is one of the 99%ers. if anything it should show the common gnat between the occupiers and the cops. he hates him because he is trying to enforce the pesky laws. i think it was the wrong thing to do. the gun should not have been out there.

>> how many times have i fallen asleep here on the table without know ?g -- knowing. i am armed. bill, i know you are sympathetic to the protesters, but this guy is a rat. >> anybody would can keep angry bad ladies or disenfranchise crack heads i am all for it. i am team dirty hipy on this one. i only want the holes on my person. i don't want anymore. >> here is the thing. you have to question the intent of the protesters who hates cops. i assume they hate cops because people have been harassing them. he was not concerned about bill's health. me saw an opportunity to take a picture. he meant to hurt his police

officer and his family. it wasn't i worry about the subway. he screwed the cop over because he could. maybe he doesn't want to get shot. that angers me. >> in a few minutes i will be out on the subway with my gun. that's what i do. i roam the streets at night trying to solve crime. we will close things out with a post game wrap up with tv's andy levy. he is his own crime. go to ks fox news.com/red eye.

don't forget you can watch us on saturday at 2:00 a.m. eastern time, an hour earlier, 11:00 p.m. paw typhic time. a new "red eye" returns on monday. guests are dana perino, jill done son and skunk baxter.

let's return to tv's andy levy for the post game wrap up. >> thanks, greg. andrew, about to kick off a world tour type thing? >> yes, thank you for asking. my band and i are going on a headlining tour around the world. especially the united states of america. and we start on march 3rd. andrew wk.com has the information. >> excellent. >> kurt, what are the best and what are the worst movies in the theaters right now? >> i like "chronicle." it is a rip on the teen super hero thing. "in darkness" which is a concentration m cay p thing. camp thing. it is really good. the worst movie i haven't seen has got to be "phantom menace3d." it was bad the first time. it is just taking us deeper into something that was bad. >> that's a 20th century fox production so i think it is pretty good. back to you, greg. >> sorry,