>> greg: it's welcome to "red eye." i'm greg gutfeld. let's go to andy levy for a pre game report. andy, what is coming up on tonight's show, old sport some. >> get a room, america. coming up on the big show, is president obama spending most of his time in office personally killing owls? the shocking story that i am not at all over selling. and is one out of every 10 wall street employee a vicious murdering psycho path? a stunning report that again i am not at all over selling. and finally a new york nightclub owner fined because he wants to hire a female hoss tess, but is there any other kind? >> thank you, andy. >> hope you had a good leap day. >> i did. me and my seven-year-old wife went to dinner jie. leap day is her birthday? >> yes. >> so she is 8. >> what? >> people still age if there is no leap day. >> i don't believe that is

true. >> it is. >> are you sure. >> yes. >> i have to make a phone call and get her out of second grade. >> do away, you twisted little freak. >> i shall. let's welcome our guests. she holds six different patents on cuteness. i am here with dana perino, press secretary and one of my co-hosts on "the five." he is so rugged that sand paper uses him to smooth wood. it is terry stafford, u.s. army member and wimp. and they are naming a string of hepititis after him, bill schulz. and he is funnier than a clown's head stuffed in a woopie cushion in a mime. jim norton and his latest cd you must buy. it is called despicable. and he is a talking rag who makes you gag. our new york times correspondent. good to see you, pinch. >> uh-huh. uh-huh. well, you know what they say. motherhood is a full time job. mark con sway los did what?

you have a husband and a chef in one. okay, we have to go to break. when we come back, mark harmon with ncia. sorry, my tv easy for told me alec baldwin co-hosted "live with kelly" and i am prepping for my invite. if that man bear is snagged by it, i surely can, by gum. i don't misery gist at all. miss regis at all. >> not at all. did losing them both slow santorum's growth. mitt romney went two for two winning primaries in arizona and michigan. as expected romney won arizona big. this is a fox news alert from america's news headquarters. i'm andy levy. a stunning story developing in new jersey. reports coming into the fox newsroom that jersey shore star snooki is pregnant. they say despite her recent denials, the reality star is roughly three months pregnant. the post reporting mtv has

gone into crisis mode as the one-time music network is trying to find out how snooki's condition will affect the jersey shore spinoff. and fox news obtained an exclusive image of the fetus. already got a tramp stamp. awesome. this is fox news alert already in progress. >> i don't think we can stick with the primary stuff with this news. it is a huge, huge story. dana have i to go to you first. obviously she is a inning -- she is a single mother. will this stop her from entering presidential politics ? >> it would not disqualify her, but what is a tramp stamp? i never heard of this in my life. >> that's a tatoo a woman gets on the lower part of her waist. on her back. >> often referred to as a bull's eye. >> i never heard of this. >> wow. i love dana perino. >> we are right off to a

start. >> jim, the world will not be the same if she is off the market. you must be crushed. >> i am. and mtv is panicking because they will have to spend twice as much on alcohol. i just don't see her stoping drinking. by the way, gray is great with my pale scifnlt i look like a giant toe. >> i actually find it sin tau lating. i suspected it she was presenting nebts. pregnant. i interviewed her and i cried and the front of her shirt got wet. >> speaking of which you had her on the opi expe anthony show and i want to show some footage talking about this. >> today snookie from "jersey shore" was on and she confirmed she is indeed not pregnant. it was right there on our show. >> so she lied. >> she did, yes. but she lied to everybody. it was not just us.

normally we get the scoop. >> we do get the scoop. that is true. >> and you let us down which is kind of sad and disappointing. terry uare in the military and a green better ray, how are the soldiers going to be affected by this news and will it affects our policies in the middle east? >> it is tough. we hillary move a carrier group from the gulf. in addition i hope she has a baby girl and names her adam levine. that would be a good name. that's all have i to say about snookie. >> bill, your area of expertise is alcohol. how is this american hero, and she is an american hero, how will she manage not to drink for the next -- how pregnant is shea, three months? for another six. >> the europeans drink while they are pregnant and new jersey is nothing if not european. so i feel she will continue. when i first heard she was pregnant my first thought was in which breast? and my second thought was how

could this icon, this -- the best selling author, this sort of hero to our entire generation lie? how could she lie? >> i think this is really going to affect her following. she had a huge fooling. following. >> here is the thing. i know you are interested in this topic. her boyfriend -- >> what gave that away? don't you think the real winner here is her boyfriend by impregnating her? it is like winning the lottery. it is like an nba groupy hooking up with a professional player and getting presenting nents. you never have to work again. it is not like an nba player though. the guy impregnated the basketball. >> if they get married they could get a divorce in 71 days and break the record that kim kardashian set when she got divorced after 72 day when's she was married to that guy chris humphreys who happens to

play basketball, i think. >> very good. >> your knowledge of pop culture is getting very ged. >> it is getting better. >> i am impressed. the tabloids are working. >> i want to wrap it up, jim. isn't this proof that snooki can have it all, a career and motherhood? >> she does. i am just waiting for her album to break. i'm sure it will be terrific. we interviewed her, and i found myself much more sexually attracted to her than i would have thought and seemed. >> i like snooki. >> she seems like a nice lady. >> she probably is a nice girl. >> i think she has a big heart which she should get checked out. >> you don't want to mess around with that especially when you are pregnant. from one nocturnal animal to another. should the animal get in the way when it comes to birds of prey? should they freak over tiny beaks? they are trying to save the spotted owl, seen here, by killing the larger, more

aggressive rival, the bard owl. the plan would set aside a habitat for the spotted owl survival while allowing logging to reduce the risk of wildfires and create jobs. officials say hundreds of owls will likely be killed by shotgun quote, we can't ignore the mounting evidence that the competition is a major factor in the decline, and we have a clear obligation to prevent the distinction and help it rebound. a clear obligation, how compassionate. how are the owls taking the news? he is not taking it well, but then again i don't know how owls take things. i don't spend a lot of time with them, i will be honest. i am ignorant of owl culture. you hate owls. you said as much. so you must take this as good

news. >> when i was a little girl my mom actually had lots of -- she had this owl decorations thing going on. we had an owl cookie jar. we had owl everything. it started coming back into fashion now. what is surprising is the administration did not go the extra step which is the most obvious thing that this is the quality of the chinese. we are competing too much with the chinese and therefore the owls are having a problem. that would have given them total cover on this ridiculous policy of the. >> we are all for evolution, if the smaller owl is smaller and weaker, maybe it should die. >> that's what happens. this is what happens when the government gets involved -- no, i don't know. you could say maybe the owls have a lot of republicans in their midst. maybe some know where president obama's birth certificate is and somehow they are disappearing. >> wow. that's beautiful. >> i don't even know where i am right now. >> that's what happens when

you get involved. you introduce a fish into the thing and it kills something else. >> jim, we are saving a bird by killing another which reminds me the self-help book you have to crack a few eggs to make an omelette. >> that was more of a pamphlet. look, i like owls, as we all know. >> your owl block is fantastic. >> yes, i know. >> really unneeded, by the way. >> completely not needed. we got it. >> now it is the o-word. but i -- i really do. i like animals, but i am tired of the spotted owl. i am sick of hearing the obsession with this stupid nature hates it. nature sent his cousin and we

are killing the assassin. i hope the spotted owl somehow develops a disease and we all die from it. wretched, and all of you die from it. >> are we allowing the spotted owl to live because it is cuter? >> it is only the cute things. >> you never hear about the condor. >> it is like a spotted owl, but bald. >> part of me is like, it is our fault initially that the spotted owl is in danger, and we took its natural habitat. >> to build stuff. >> to build stuff. and we have already hurt the endangered animal and that's when it redeems. and who doesn't love owl on owl violence. >> and they are turning their necks around. my problem is since when did

they get so smart? who decided owls were so intelligent. >> they are wise. >> because they look like that? >> i stair at people for hours. >> and manufactured this whole thing. they say, let's see what we can make the humans do. this is how ridiculous the government could get. they planned the whole thing out. >> do you think the spotted owls and the barn owl are in on this? >> i didn't even know they speak the -- the english. >> i like how they are based on good intentions. >> it is how they defend attacks in the middle east as well. >> interesting point. >> if obama does it, then it is okay. if president bush recommended this policy, we would probably be hearing screeching all over the country. >> nicely done.

a little owl talk. >> i do have to say the impressioning thing is you mention killing birds and i pulled up a local example. i think it is rare you get a chance to use the cully -- the sully. >> are you absolutely right. from owls to howls, has the happiest place on earth declared a war on girt. they opened an epcot exhibit called habit heros. the bad guys real like frys. virtuous characters like calli-stenics and will power is buff. glut and lead bottom are ugly and obese. many were uh febded. -- were offended. i can't believe somebody thought it was a good idea to pick up the bullies left off. and another blogger said the

disney fat shame ride. and claims she cooperate stop the tear when's she first heard about it. they closed the exhibit three weeks later for undisclosed maintenance. let's go to japanese cat watching star wars for the first time. what do you have for us, jc. >> he is so disappointed with the phantom men nighs. manace. should you be reminded of your flaws? what if they directed rides at you. >> then anybody who picks up a man in a dress and pretends they don't know the man in the dress is the villain. you know what i am say ?g. >> he is misunderstood. >> they have to speak to their

manager and i don't have one. i have a box cuter. >> transgendered matterhorn. >> everybody is bleeding and wallets missing, wonderful ride. >> what is worse, disney for ruining obese children's vacations or the wining of the disney children? >> i am tired of both. i was thinking disney could go off the rails now. instead of it is a small world we have it is a surreal world. >> or it is a fat world. >> kids heads getting cutoff and women getting stoned and people coming out saying, why am i here? >> disney is supposed to be a place where you get away from it all you can get away from being told how fat you are and you go to disney world and that's the ride of the. >> you as a child weighed over 450 pounds. >> it is a remarkable

transformation. >> it really is. you know there is a war on fat kids and it isn't fair. >> it is i defend the fat kids because they are the happiest children on earth. >> you used to work at habit heros, but you were fired. why? >> i was a character called smack attack. >> i would warn kids against the evils of heroin. i built a $5,000 habit a day and they started pelting the kids with needles to drive home the point it was bad for them. a couple got stuck and the moms were done. >> do you ever go to the fair when they have the kid who is damaged by drugs in the sideshow? you never seen that? >> did you ever go to the fair and you lost me. no, i haven't. >> i love the fair. >> who doesn't?

>> did you ever eat hay on a date? >> there are 12 million americans who are considered obese. the truth is they don't stay obese. fat kids grow to be skinny kids. and worry about the skinny kids because generally they are soulless. >> let's not over look the fact that this park has a restaurant where every single thing is at least 20,000 calories or more. funnel cake is a condiment. >> i was on a year ago and there was a story about fat kids. we thought we don't like chubby kids, and we were the standout. >> i will say the war on fat kids is in affect and i am leading the way. coming up, what is it like to be capable of killing everyone and everything? we will discuss terry's new book "i can strangle you with my left ear." first, is wall street full of psycho paths? better question am i full of

goobers?

if it is money you chase, are you a mental case? according to a report one out of every 10 is a clinical psycho path. i love the swimsuit issue. a financial psycho path can present as a perfect well-rounded job candidate, manager and team worker because of their destructive characteristics are particularly invisible. she is not refer together patrick bateman behavior. a psycho path can be bright and charming while having a tendency to lie and an inability to feel empathy for others. also a psycho path is more likely to take dangerous risks which on wall street can lead to big rewards. speaking of living the good

life. >> that might be the greatest thing i have ever seen. you look like a psycho path. does it bother you you aren't one? >> no, and it bothers people on wall street yelling, buy, sell, buy, sell and i have no idea about it. i thought it was a lot harder. i want a sociopath. i don't want a guy with a conscious. times are tough and people are losing their homes. i want somebody who will step over the body to get apple stock. >> dana, is this another attack by an academic

sociologist or whatever journalist on the rich and successful? >> journalists are trying to figure out wall street. why do they make the smart decision and go to finance and i wept to journalism. now they are living the high life and i am sitting here writing about how they are a psycho path. how did this happen? it comes out in the studies we talk about then. >> that's so true. here is the thing, they have not done this on occupy wall street. you know it must have been 50%. he was scary and then you find out christian bale is like that. >> 25% of actors. >> nobody like that in the entertainment field at all. >> the more success you have, the more freedom you have, the

more demanding you have. >> and by the way i go back to the politics -- the envious academic. bill you tried to invest major belly button lint in a mutual fund and they denied. it. >> well i have to bleep that because it is on going. they had another study out that said the more money you have, the more likely you are to behave in unethical way. this is not a good week for the rich and successful. having said that, i would trade my worst week to have one of their better weeks. or my best week for their worth week. >> i am striving to be a psycho path. >> you are not quite there, bought they are working on it. >> they have the ability, some of these guys, to disregard -- they don't care if they gut a company and they liquidate it. there has to be a certain mentality that allows you to do it. that said, money can't buy you happiness. go to break.

>> actually he was right. we had 30 seconds left and now we are out. he is running the show. i don't even need to be here. i can just leave. i'm america's bad boy. do you have a comment on the show? e mail us. it is red eye at fox news.com. to leave a voicemail call 212-462, -- 4625050. >> tonight is sponsored by polar bears, the world's largest cor gnaw sror adapted for cold temperatures. thanks, polar bears.

welcome back. let's see if we got anything wrong so far. for that we go to andy levy. hi, andy. >> hi, greg, how are you? >> great, thanks. >> snooki is pregnant. have to commend you for your decision to dump out the politics and cover this breaking news. >> one thing i learned while working for fox news, sometimes you have to go where the news goes. >> absolutely. >> and we were being pulled into the snooki story. you can't fight the tide. >> it is what the people want. >> it is like a rip tide. you have to be dragged out and drowned in the news. >> okay. sometimes you worry me, greg. you mentioned snooki lied to

you, but to everyone. to be fair, it appears she may have lied because she was less than three months pregnant and she doesn't want anyone to know. >> you and i can both be correct. i wasn't questioning her motives. >> i wasn't saying that you were not incorrect. i was agreeing you are correct and this is why possibly she did that. >> it makes me feel mature. >> i will say something at half time and you can say that. >> police. please. >> when you heard snooki was pregnant and in which breast? >> neither do i. looks like she is having

i have never seen him. >> she is hiding her pop culture. >> you mock the snooki stuff, but are you all over the federline stuff. >> i have a photographic memory so i have things i found on the front cover of "people" magazine. >> obama's plan to save the spotted owl and shooting barn owls. you mentioned the fish and wildlife director says the competition from the bart owls is on decline and we have to do all we can to stop the extinction. this is natural selection. i thought progressives were pro science. >> they are true to the fact they are anti-competition. >> that is true. but they are supposed to be pro science. >> this is definitely against science. >> this is not harry potter. >> agree to disagree? >> no, i agree 100%. if an animal can't fetch me slippers, wipe it off the

planet. >> there is one thing though. the agriculture department kills thousands of wild animals each year like with the bart animals to protect livestock. i am thinking the whole point is we can eat the spotted owl. >> tasty. it is like chicken. >> i think that would be cool. >> i don't think there is any culture that eats owls. maybe that's why they are all smart. >> they are all eye. it is like jelly without the sugar. >> they would just sit and stair at you. >> you asked why wisdom is associated with owls. the greek goddess athena was often portrayed with an owl as a companion. the owls have tiny pea brains. >> really? >> they are not smart at all. >> now we know what andy did today. did you do a wikipedia search

on the owls ? >> everybody thinks i use wick caw peaked -- wikipedia. >> andy in a weird way is our owl. >> yes, but with a pea brain. >> he has big, sad, blank eyes. >> and like an owl you wear a tie. you think it makes you look smarter. >> people think because i am looking at them i am paying attention to them. but i am not. >> when you go to his apartment, he does rest on a perch. jay greg, you have never and will never be in my apartment. >> i have been outside. it my friend. >> that's why you will never be in it. you said some barn owls have knowledge of where obama's beret certificate is. shame on you for making this joke. the fact that the president of the united states was born in kenya is nothing to laugh at.

>> it is the truth, sort of. >> you said you are tired of the spotted owl which is how i feel about pandas. >> they are an over rated bird and we spend too much time obsessing over the spotted owl. i hate it. >> agree to agree. >> is that an impression of a drunk al gore? >> owl gore. oh! >> copy write that asap. she is quick. >> dana, you said disney is supposed to be a place to get away from it all. and in fact the woman who wrote the article she wrote it and says disney should see obese children aspirin successes and pirates and as beautiful. and future customers. the same author points out that childhood obesity is a

serious problem that can play a term in health -- play a role in health term approximate. >> sure. that's what it is supposed to be. you can go both ways over the weekend fnlt. >> i go both ways a lot. >> yes, i said it. >> i am just saying. i am tired of not saying. >> you were talking about your coffee. sometimes it is black. >> no, i am not. >> he hasn't asked me how to get in there. >> greg, skinny kids are not generally soul less. don't say things like that. >> yes they are. >> some of us were. nottule -- not all of them. >> skinny kids don't have a dislike for foodment they sometimes have a high metabolism. i don't operate in cause and affect, andy.

>> is that your word for the real world? >> i imagine the truth. >> yes, that has happened. >> one-10th of people on wall street are psycho paths. i have been asked to point out he is not a psycho path. and jim you look like a psycho path, not a nice thing to say. i don't know why you thought it was. >> i will say that i just started weight watchers and i want to eat greg's glasses right now. >> they are only 35 calories. >> i am starving. >> terry, you said sarcastically that there is nobody like that in the entertainment business. i would guess it is a lot more than 1 in 10. >> it is probably wift. >> at least. >> and lastly, and i guess i learned something. i always thought psychopathic meant you could read crazy people's minds. now apparently when people say

this to me it is not a complement. >> it is not. >> cool. >> i'm done. >> apparently. way to end on a high note. and. >> and katy perry is dying her hair, magenta. stick with one color, katie. what a world we live in.

is it bias or bogus? a new york nightclub owner is facing a $7500 fine because he wanted to hire a female hoss tess. he turned away a man who applied for the job. a dude named daniel applied to greek guests at the vodoo lounge and said the position was strictly for women. it turps out he is a tester from the human rights commission, what ever that is and filed charges against the club for violating gender neutral hiring laws. they said it is the most

absurd waste in the world. we should discuss this in the -- >> lightning roooooouuunnnddd. lightning round. >> do you feel bad for this club owner? of all of the things to get busted for, this is lame. >> especially when there are ecstasy and poppers. we only have one outfit and this is what they have to wear. certain comedians may have frequented the establishment. >> dana, should there be cases where the laws don't apply like in every hostess job? >> i think that is a great idea, jim. be careful what you wish for. let's show these people because what happened is exactly what they wanted to happen. they want to be able to file a

lawsuit. they will have to hire a lawyer and that's how they make their money. >> this is harassment. it is now legal harassment. they knew that they were -- terry you bounce. would it be weird to hire lady bouncers? >> bouncers, no, but door people -- the girls are some of the meanest, cruelest door people you would want. if you want that policy, get a chick. >> mean girl. >> if you want 20* mange a -- make a girl mean hand her a clip board. and then they look down the clip board like this. they going like this. you are not on the clip board. you give a guy an earpiece and he acts like the secret service. >> there is a human rights commission for this stuff? >> every time i give a clip board to a girl they club they do lines off of it. >> you are also gender neutral. you have ever thought of, working for the city as an under cover tester? >> this is silly.

can we agree that some jobs are for women. some be gentlemans are just for men, being president of the united states. can we all agree that this is how we are wired. men should do stuff with their brain and women should clean up after us when we are done. i think it is a better planet. >> i can't improve upon his reasoning. the master of the boston red sox says the decision to ban booze in the locker room. it was revealed players were drinking during games they were not participating in last season. he said he didn't consults with any players before making the announcement. bill, surprised pitch they had story. why is it important? >> one is they are adults and why shouldn't they drink? even after the game happened

they are still there and in uniform and on duty. 19 other clubs do this. the one that does president make the most sense, the range ares -- the rangers. in i were josh hamilton, wouldn't i rather they have been to the clubhouse because everybody is looking at me because i ruined their fun because i couldn't control myself. i feel like it is a reverse poll see. i hate the red sox so you be lobar. so sober. >> these guys are technically still at work. should they be allowed to drink at work hours? >> is that work? seriously, you get paid to do that you get paid to play a game you wanted to play your whole life, and then you don't have to play it -- i think it is going a little too far. it is weird to tell players you can't do it. >> where is the human rights

commission when it comes to this sort of thing. baseball is intrinsically boring. they designed it to be boring as a form of punishment to children. won't the drum players make it more interesting? >> i think so. there is nothing better than a loaded player. i think it is amazing the country is shocked that baseball did a pr thing. what are the odds of that? maybe 100%. everything they do -- here is balloon day. everything they do is public relations. >> bat day was a horrible thing. >> i got rabies. >> remember batting glove day? >> when you were at home you hated bat day. >> show them how many you can carry without your hands. >> oh dad. >> terry, what do you make of this 1234*. >> have i nothing. >> you can't keep saying i have nothing. >> is this the third time i have said that?

>> let him drink, that would be funny. "bad news bears." >> if you actually searched for it -- >> i'm just phoning it in. >> you can't say that. guests aren't supposed to say that. >> i just said it. >> look, there are pitchers who pitched no hitters while on acid. >> vita blue. >> doc ellis. >> what the heck are you people talking about? >> if there was a woman on we could talk about things i would know all about. wait a second let me go to my list of stories. josh hamilton, is that -- >> we talk about snooki, spotted owl -- >> wait a minute. >> christian bail. joan what more you want. >> you pitched the owl story

and you liked the wall street story. >> i pitched that story about the lifetime channel, but we didn't get to it. have to take a break. more stuff is coming up. something i think you will like.

so as many of you may know dana and i work together as co-hosts of "the five" on fnc. what you might not know is this isn't the first time we have worked together. >> that's true. we actually got our start in tv together as hosts of the local morning show "good morning daytona." that was before the days of dvr's and youtube. we thought the clips were lost until now. >> that's right. a long-time daytona resident found an old vhs tape of the show while cleaning out his basement and he was kind enough to send us the tape. >> we need to wish somebody a happy birthday. >> i love this part of the show. >> agnes calf vaw gnaw turned 102. kind of sill fish lasting that long. a burden to others.

>> let's say it is 90 degrees outside and you are carrying your clothes in a satchel, that's exhausting. it is much better to wear the clothes, four or five layers when going outside. >> and then you can keep tieing them around your waist. >> and there is a myth about hydration. it is one of the worst things you can do in the heat because you constantly have to find a bathroom and can be in a hurry. >> it is amazing what you can learn on good morning daytona. >> it is a lesson about cold and flu season, and it is about calling "the herd." that's what my grandmother said. the reason you have cold and flu seen is to kill off the week. thng she was right goes bless -- god bless her. >> what are your plans for

this weekend? >> i was going to drive down to the local butterfly festival there and a festival that happens this time of year when the weather gets nice. you can see a lot of the butterflies. >> how do you see the butterflies while they are moving around? >> sometimes they land and you can look at the designs. they don't livelong. a couple weeks or so. if this festival is a very important part of our comiept i try every year. >> i heard the best part is the butter fly festival is the butterfly soup they make. >> that's at the end. >> those were the days. >> it is amazing how far we have come since then. >> my whole life i wanted to be in television, and doing that morning show, "good morning daytona" was huge. >> it is amazing how fast the

fashions haven't come. you could get away with wearing ?i -- wearing them up. >> swrts it is good to see how the old people that were there are doing. we have moved on to bigger and better things. >> and they are on local tv. >> that's pretty funny. we will close things out with a post game wrap up. and to see clips of recent shows go to abc news slashed with eye.

i will see you back at 5:00 p.m. eastern time with dana on "the five." on the next "red eye" the editor of" the onion." will be on. and fox business network diane ma say dough and tom sha --

shiluve. back to andy levy. >> jim, where are you going to be at? >> i have rochester, but it is sold out. you are all out of luck. small club though. orlando and two weeks at the improve, shows not sold out. >> terry, how is your dog doing? >> my dog -- first thing i want to say hi, dad, i love you. he has been feeling sick, but feeling better. and my dog toby was taken care of. she is on the mend. that's my dog. >> you said you had heaver seen the godfather. >> that's true. >> and you had a top security clearance. >> that's one of the reasons i got the top secret security clearance. >> when i am in charge that won't be happening. >> that won't be soon. >> back to you. >> thank you, andy, bay gnaw, bill, jim, delightful show, i believe.