tv Red Eye FOX News March 22, 2012 3:00am-4:00am EDT
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welcome to "red eye." i'm greg gutfeld. or as i am known, the guy with the cool band. let's go to andy levy for a pre game report. hi, andy. what is coming up on tonight's show? >> loose lips sink ships. what did the top aide use to describe the presidential campaign? i don't think it was an action jackson or 6 million dollar man doll. sean payton suspended for a year. the story so shocking we are doing it on "red eye" even though it is about sports. and finally exclusive clubs for tall people? talk about the height of arrogance. greg? >> that's awful, andy. >> what? >> your height of arrogance. >> i don't follow. i just think forming clubs is arrogant. >> using arrogant to describe a club for tall people. >> oh, i didn't even realize that of the. >> of course, you didn't. >> go away. sad, bizarre man.
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let's welcome our guest. she is cuter than a baby panda tickling a my little pony with kittens. i am here with dana parino, my co-host on "the five." and she is more arousing than an alarm clock. it is nicky glaser. and he wipes his feet before going outside. it is my repulsive sidekick, bill schulz. and the go proud co-founder chris barron. and his leftist grumbling has leadership tumbling. tabooed to see you, pinch. >> today in arts and leisure, melena writes a teen lit to silver screen phenomenon that is "the hunger games." "the hunger game"? i thought that's what the olson twins named their purging days. >> an easy target there. >> you are an easy target. actually you are hard. you are tine thee. a difficult target.
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>> that was uncalled for. >> i can store you anywhere. >> look at my tongue. >> was his victory in illinois overshadowed by a toy? mitt romney, if that's his real name, won big in the land of polk and moving closer to the republican nomination. and he got more good news when jeb bush endorsed him. the former florida governor released a statement saying, quote, i am endorsing mitt romney for the party's nomination. we probably could have pulled a better quote from that. and then it happened. romney's communications director went on cnn and asked if there was a worry that mitt was forced to move so tar to the right during the primary that would hurt him in the general election. >> i think he hit a reset button. everything changes. it is like an etch-a-sketch. you shake it up and we start
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all over. >> there are giant, inverted wishbones. at first there was concern that romney's opponents might use it as more evidence that the gov is a blank slate who takes different positions from the audience he talks to and they use an etch-a-sketch as a prop. luckily for him that never happens. >> given everybody's fears about governor romney's flip-flops, if we are dumb enough to nominate him, we should accept that by the accentance speech he will move back to the left. >> had mitt not knee been around when we were drafting the constitution, -- >> maybe it did happen. that's the worst show intel ever. how did romney celebrate his win in illinois? i believe we have tape.
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>> met him on craigs list. i won't get into it because it involves sorted details. it seems like we did a show mere hours ago. >> and in the next hour too. let's start with the etch-a-sketch stuff, are the attacks fair? wasn't he saying there was a reset once you get to the general? >> i think the more etch-a-sketch are the reporters who cover this every presidential election and, yes, you run two campaigns. you run a primary campaign and a general campaign. that does not mean your principals change. the problem for romney is he does have this reputation. he has been painted as having a narrative. >> i hate it -- people take this stuff literally. you can't literally shake a
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person. that hurts babies. there will be people at home thinking you can shake human beings. >> when you look at the rick santorum response, they can't even make a joke out of it. they are taking it so seriously. they are holding an etch-a-sketch. >> the problem with romney was he flip-flops and he has no core. that's why this matters. is it unfair to use this against him? >> it is not unfair. the generale -- the general elections are a campaign. but quite honestly the communications director should never have said this. it is so stupid. >> also the communications director should have never accepted an invitation. i don't know why they think they need to go and do these interviews. it gets them in trouble every time. it is not to win the republican nomination. there will be plenty of time.
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>> why so many unforced errors? >> it is a mystery. >> if they don't have you -- >> nicky, you are a political junky and a junky which is great. have these developments endorsed your development of mitt romney? >> i saw those clips and it was like, what are they doing to those ipads? i know a pretty antiquated reference to make, you know, shake it and reset it an abicus or an opinionated woman, they could have used one of those. for me, i would have used something like -- to me this thing is taking something and then resetting -- like the morning after pill would have been a good one. it would have been a good comparison. >> bill, let's get to the important question. wasn't the etch-a-sketch the
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most overrated toy ever. you could never do circles or diagonal lines. >> the only thing i could draw was illinois, and that is when i was going to draw a person, but it looked like illinois. it was never like anything in the commercials. they say etch-a-sketch because he is an empty vessel and devoid of a soul. no, he was plastic and made of sand. >> you are much better at drawing lines than an etch-a-sketch. the last thing i do is shake. >> dana, you don't know what we are referring to. >> i am not that naive. i heard about it. >> before we move on, i want to ask you, jeb bush, one of the few republicans that didn't endorse gold and endorsed mitt romney. >> it hasn't been reduced to that. >> does this mean anything? >> pretty much every political
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consultant would have told you the most important endorsement for these candidates was from -- was going to be from jeb bush. but he did wait until it was obvious that romney was going to win. >> isn't this kind of a political equivalent of a lapse out of saigon? he waits until it is complete. >> and will he campaign for him? how active is he going to be? florida is an absolute must win for the republicans. i think they probably will win it this year. and he will be key to that. >> i am looking for, bill, as you know gavin ross le of -- rossdale of from bush. from primaries to pornography. should the prom queen be the star of porn scenes? dana says yes, but we disagree. a minnesota high school student allegedly lined up an adult actress to be his big date to the big dance. 18-year-old mike stone tweeted his plea to hundreds of naked
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glasses. two said yes including megan piper who agreed to attend if he covered travel costs from los angeles. but now the school nexted his chick. a school spokesman tells fox fox news.com that piper is prohibited because her visit would not be in the best interest of the district. the student who was trying to raise $400 for air fare couldn't be reached. he is probably masterbating. how raunchy are piper's adult pills? we will play a clip. so sensitive viewers need to look away, perhaps showing another tv showing the same thing. >> obviously we should have blurred that, and we didn't. i am going to get letters from those anti-bunny pour nothing graw fers. >> i hate them. >> shouldn't the student be happy? he got all of this cool attention without the std's.
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>> usually these guys who reach out to celebrities to get dates and have a disability. he is a nerd and of course goes to the porn stars. they are not m lie a-kunith or taylor swift. they made a point to say she wasn't sure if she was going to go. she had to check with her boyfriend to go to prom with this kid. yet he is fine with her doing porn. but i have to check with my boyfriend. oh he is so understanding. he let me go. and she was going to go with two of them. he had to be okay with that. nice that the porn stars are understanding. >> well, they are people too. well, not really. they are not really people at all. chris, do you see a problem here? >> no, not at all.
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>> he's 18, she's 19. who cares? i am waiting for rick santorum or newt gingrich to use this on the campaign trail as a sign of the down fall. >> don't you think it sets a dangerous precedence? you let one kid bring a porn star and every kid will bring a porn star. it wasn't a slippery slope -- that was a movie i rented. everybody is going to do it. you have to say no. >> no. prom was boring. >> it would have been a lot more interesting if there were porn stars there. >> the superintendent's office was clearly on twitter. what they need to do is some kid needs to pull this off without using social media as the means, and then he would be a real hero. >> in the green room you did refer to this man as a true patriot. >> thank god he can vote in november. >> bill, you actually took a porn film to the prom. >> it it was stupid.
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i forgot my laptop. nothing to read in the bathroom. i didn't go out. but this thing he wanted to do was raise the money. and that was the one thing those greasy high school kids would donate to. not an actual charity, but they would throw money at this kid to get these girls to come to the prom. >> the best part of taking a porn star to the prom is watching all of the male teachers and -- teachers pretend not to recognize her. or the parents. i am outraged. can you sign this? >> megan piper, is that your name? >> i would like to add that i am free that weekend. and i did not go to prom either. >> and you know what, chris will pay for your air fare. >> perfect. and you don't have that bad of a porn name. >> it is nakki, right?
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>> n-a-k-k-i. >> that is a porn name. your parents basically set you up for a horrible life. >> they did. i chose comedian, but they wanted different. >> e mail me. >> that's true. >> from porn to punishment. are the saints, siners? that's what roger go del reads reads -- reads. he released sean payton for a year. and greg williams as well. they divvied cash rewards in exchange for injuring opposing players. the organization's gm as well as the assistant coach are also gone for six and eight games respectively. the saints were fined $500,000 and have to forfeit their second round draft picks. the league hasn't even gotten to the 20 plus mayors who --
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players who participated. the ridiculously strict sentence, quote, when there is a targeting for player for injury and cash reward, the involvement of the coaching staff and a strong and lasting message must be sent. that conduct is totally unacceptable. in other news, the kansas city kittens against the baltimore bunnies was brutal. >> that wasn't brutal at all. i stand corrected. >> dana, have you been a color commentator for 30 years now. you are an -- in your expert opinion how big a deal is this? >> gigantic. actually, no, is this a story from the olden days? >> yes. >> i thought, that can't possibly be. and then i see some that say, yes, this happens all of the time. punishment is good. the only other thing i could
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relate it to is the intentional sabotage that you tried with me and twitter when you tried to get people to unfollow me on twitter and intentionally hurt me and it came back to bite me. bite you. >> you are right. that was wrong of me and i apologize. you often put hits out on comedians. was this punishment too severe or not severe enough? >> i don't know if it was -- i think it is -- i don't know why these guys are taking them up on this. they supposedly got $1500 for a hit? they are making $2 million a year and this is chump change. tonya harding was offered better. >> it is right. >> why? >> i don't even know who tonya harding is. that was way back in the day. >> she had money in the car waiting for her after she hit
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her with the crowbar. why are they doing it? i know strippers are expensive, but for a half a lap dance to injure someone for the rest of their life, it is not worth it. >> it does help the lab dancer. the lap dancer. none of the quarterbacks targeted were surprised. does that imply that this happens all of the time and the saints were the ones caught? >> i think it happens, but the difference was the extent to which it was a formalized structure. this was not an informal thing. it was a much more formalized process. and greg williams has done this before with the redskins. he did it when he was with the bills. at the end of the day, the nfl is trying to cover their butt. they understand that there are going to be lawsuits brought by former players who say we were hurt as a result of the system and we want damages. >> it is all about the lawyers. bill, i paid they will to punch you in the face every time they see you. no real question. >> it didn't work because they didn't recognize me. they went right on by.
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they didn't even know who i was. face undamaged. they are only sorry they didn't get caught. every team has something like this. the punishment was way too much. it is one thing to suspend him for a year, but he makes $7.5 million a year, and it is not going to his probably no longer spoiled kids and unworthy wife. and you can't even compare this to michael vick. what michael vick did didn't have anything to do with the game. you have to go to 1963 when a player on the lions was success spended for a -- suspended for an entire year because of betting issues, and then he was forced to take care of an african-american man baby for four seasons on abc. >> that was a great show. >> it was a wonderful show. >> what was the name of the wife? >> something clark. it was his wife despite the lesbian haircut. >> it was webster. >> we are talking about webster. it was poor man's "growing
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pains" and it was a delight. >> it really was. webster is now in his 50s. >> and he has shrinking. >> he runs an auto business, i believe. he sells match boxcars. this would have been fine, but it was only a thousand bucks, if the money went to charity. i want you to knockout bill schulz, but the money will go to like starving kids. no one would have complained. >> then they would have knocked me out and the money would have went to me. >> it would have been cooler if they had the athletes punish the players of other sports like okay we will give uh thousand dollars if you go to a professional soccer game and beat up a player. that everybody could have gotten behind. i will just stand like this. nobody is agreeing. coming um, can you trademark the word adorable? i will sue you if you use that word in any context besides describing me.
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should we turnover a new leaf in picking the commander-in-chief. he is picking a radical process process -- it is actually the internet, but steam engines would have been better. the disney ceo writes the way we currently elect a president is dominate bide extremists and lots of money of the he is talking about republicans. if only there were a weby video explains our stupid system. >> first, people like this pick a few people like this,
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who then start firing up people like this, before a few lucky states hold primaries to take place weeks or months before the rest of the country, giving their votes for weight. from there a few candidates move on, most are forced out, and by the time the rest of us vote it is limited or nonexistent. >> that is stupid. americans elect has a plan. it is a national on-line primary . take it away internet narrator. >> in a national on-line primary, we the people are nominated a third choice for president. a candidate who will reach across party lines to form a balanced ticket. so instead of two choices, any leader can run. instead of a lucky few, every voter counts. >> and as eizner says in his quote, to help ensure the candidate represents the majority of american society rather than the fringes, he or she will be required to pick a running mate from a different party. dana is shaking her head. sorry, fringes, your days are over. who is leading in the national
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on-line primary? this guy. congratulations on that. >> thanks. >> that's amazing for your abs. everything is about your core. everything is about your core. you have no soul. what do you make of this america's elect thing? >> stupid. >> i love our show. it just knocks it out. this is a total over simplification. who will win this primary? kim kardashian? the idea is not to have better choices or a more informed electorat, but the answer is let's just make it easier for
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idiots to vote. >> that's a fair point. you only vote on "american idol ." >> not even that. i want to vote in my underwear. >> i would like you to vote in your underwear. >> thank you. >> come up with a vote before the end of the show. >> dana, the big piece here is splitting the party ticket so you have a vp. >> you said the acro anymore is nop, i would call it nope. when i first heard this i thought let me be open minded. these are the same people who say it is racist to ask for somebody to present a ballot form and identification in order to vote. how do you know who is voting on-line? maybe 25 years from now when we get to the system where everybody has the internet. but if you think that people don't even have the sense to
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get an id to vote, this is a little strange. there is also this crazy utopian idea that it is only the republicans and the democrats -- so for obama who was their hero, who would they have chosen as his vice president? what you want in a vice president is somebody that will give you good advice and somebody that you can trust. >> it would be comedic potential . how much fun that would have been. that is a sitcom. >> great ideas are born here on "red eye." >> a lot of things are born here sadly. i voted six times in the affirmative for should we kill bill schulz. >> who is holding this vote? is this on fox news.com? >> yes, it is. >> it is extreme levi lent. i am all for this. it is amazing that like 15 or so odd years since the dangling chad we have not improved anything. conversely, dangling chad is a movie that michelle piper
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starred in. call back. >> it was hanging chad. >> dangling chad was her movie. by the way, call me chad. this would be okay if you didn't need a computer or laptop. so that is definitely a hardship. >> that's right. that's why i don't understand. >> and this is done only because of a certain unfairness or extremism that is code for conservative. >> this is all about -- when ever they say that whole video talking about the extremist and all of the money, what they really want is a ticket of liberals. one from the republican party and one liberal from the democratic party. isn't this so wonderful? we are so moderate and centrist. >> they were talking about tea partiers. that's my theory. >> and vote for greg. >> a vote for me is a vote for me. do you have a comment? to leave a voicemail on my
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hi, andy. >> hi. >> how are you? >> stuck in the newsroom. >> i know. news happens and you move. >> i know. you refer to illinois as the land of polk. >> yes. >> it is land of lincoln. if you are referring to james polk he was born in north carolina, but served as governor of tennessee. now is the time when you say you were referring to your former roommate seth polk blah, blah, blah. >> seth polk who went to university of illinois and was rower and had some hard times. but they called it the land of polk because he would be living on the streets. >> dana, you defended the romney campaign on the etch-a-sketch which makes sense. what did you make of gingrich saying, quote, if we are dumb enough to nominate him, we should accept that he will move back to the left? >> that's a little much, wasn't it? >> it will be fun to watch him
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eat those words in about three weeks. >> chris, you said it is not unfair to use this against -- wow, i never finished this thought. let me see if i can remember where i was going. i am going to read it and see where it ends up. chris, you said it is not unfair to use this against romney. never should have said the etch-a-sketch thing which is probably true. i don't remember where i was going. >> did you notice when newt gingrich was talking the only thing that was missing was the helmet. >> also he looked like -- >> i remember my point. my point is, isn't it getting old that we take these little phrases that people say just offhand and we turn them into these huge deals? >> it is going to happen. romney has all of this money and high priced consultants. he has to know how not to step over his own stories.
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seriously. it is a reality. >> great thing about newt is newt is becoming his own newt impersonator. i swear to god i thought it was somebody that was hired to play newt at a birthday partied. what kid would not want to have newt at their party. >> i think he will do a six-month run in vegas when this is done. do you have the etch-a-sketch on the ipad? >> i don't have an ipad. >> i feel bad now. what kind of loser are you? >> wow. >> what kind of 27-year-old are you? >> seriously. >> i am raising money for it. like $400. i am starting a paypal account tonight. >> that's a call forward since i haven't got to that yet. dana, any political consultant would say the biggest endorsement is from jeb bush. >> if it means a little something it can mean something in florida, and it
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can mean the difference of 49% and 51%. i think jeb bush does make a difference. >> okay. your endorsement is highly sought after and we are anxiously awaiting your decision. >> mainly from the candidates i don't endorse. you said a school spokesman says the visit would not be, quote, not in the best interest. it would not be in the best interest -- i mean it would be tht best interestment -- be in the best interest. >> you are looking at the error this the script. i didn't actually say that. >> it doesn't make sense to me. >> you are reading the script and not what i said. >> it shouldn't have been in the script. >> i didn't write that. >> you need to prove read more closely. >> andy doesn't watch his own show. >> could you at least feign outrage over this? >> oh my god! i can't believe it.
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a stripper? at prom? prostitutes? porn? >> i am feeling you, dog. >> was that good? >> that was the worst feigning. >> i am not good with feigning. >> you need more feeling. >> dana, you said what need to happen is some kid needs to pull this off without social media. that leads to this question. they are a public school and the district has policy of entering that is not in the best interest of the school. how does somebody with a perfectly legal job -- can they do that? i guess they know it when they see it. how do they know what is in the best interest. there can be a whole panel like in obama care where they have the ipad, but they can be like that for school districts. we might try to run with
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this. >> if they did that without social media and brought a porn star, would they have let her in? as greg pointed out, they would have to say, hey, you are a porn star which means they mow what a porn star is, or they wouldn't have known and she wouldn't have go then in. gotten in. >> i think i am in the minority. if a porn star walks in, i don't want to know. >> you don't recognize bill? >> no. i don't know of a lot of school districts and the math teacher who is a supervisor at the prom, does she know she is checking the id's at the doomplet you look nice, let them in of the i don't know if people know who the porn stars are. you are unusual. >> let's face it. when was the last time a porn star was denied entry? >> don't you think it takes the romance out of it? >> i would be insulted.
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i haven't seen pictures, but i think you would recognize they are porn stars with all of the bleaching. >> stereo types. >> it is a deep sorrow. >> i have to say out of the hundreds there were some i had never heard of. at least two or three. i found it quite puzzling. dana, who is sandy cage? >> what? >> i don't know. >> you don't know who sandy cage is? >> no. >> anybody else? >> i need to get out more. i have to stopwatching "downtown abbie." >> that is also a porn. >> at some point. >> bill, you mentioned mike stone, the kid needs to raise the money. he tweeted at 5:00 p.m. that he is trying to set up a paypal account for donations and started porn 4 prom.
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>> i love this kid. >> he is the next steph jobs. >> he could be. he can get the $150 grand from the guy that started paypal. >> apparently i have to go so i can't talk about sean payton. >> that was the story you pitched. >> it is not my fault. >> then i can't talk about my reality for a -- my idea for a reality show. >> it is bounty hunters and it is about a couple that goes to your house and cleans up spills. >> well, that was worth it. lastly, first i thought it was american select. so the whole thing confused me. and nicky you said you would like to vote in your underwear. the constitution doesn't prohibit that. >> good to know. >> go to your polling station in your underwear. >> i will try it.
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do the tall have it all? apparently not. yet clubs for the vertically challenged actually exist helping people of height with their plight. the wall street journal and it is one of 55 such groups in the u.s. and that local talls as they call themselves use monthly meetings for networking. they must be 5 foot 10 for women and 6 foot 2 for men. and get togethers are height-related issues like the bester go -- the best ergonomic chairs. i have no idea what that is like. the club president stresses
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the importance of helping talls. what if he just replaces it with whites. that would be interesting. >> i would go to that one. but it is talls helping tolls career wise and all talls quickly learn that all things cost more. earning more money is a must. we need to discuss this in the -- >> lightning rooooouuuunnnndd. lightning round. >> like me, dana, we are not tall. do you ever recent the talls for the way they swagger around with the extra square inch. >> and how they can reach into the cupboards without having to jump on the counter and turn around and get the thing and jump back down? >> yes. >> say what you mean, you mean the light switch. forget about the cupboards. good things come in small packages. >> i have been short my whole life. i knew i would be a short person even in 6th grade.
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everybody else was growing and i was pretty much five feet tall. tall people fascinate me. one of the women that was in the photograph in the "wall street journal" she is 6 foot 5. that is remarkable. can you dunk a basketball at 6 foot 5? >> the first wnba dunk, 6 foot 8. >> the audience of four enjoyed it. ladies and gentlemen, a wnba joke. i apologize. it is a great sport. >> and then off to lilith fair. >> you sympathize for tall people having to pay for bigger items? >> i think the whole thing is lame. everybody has to get together to talk about what it is like to be tall 1234* just watch dr. phil. you need to get a club to talk about how challenging it is to be tall? >> where is the discrimination discrimination -- if you do this other skin color it is wrong? >> i think it is okay.
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>> i am almost in the club. i am 5 foot 9 and three quarters. >> short people have another problem. in particular with taller people in networking situations because everyone is always talking down to you. and if they had garlic for lunch, i'm telling you it is brutal on the short people. there are advantages to being a tall woman. i am never described as adorable, ever. i am taller. but i never get that -- >> so they describe you as sexy, right? >> no. >> the worst thing you can say is stout. >> bill, for a woman you are tall. for a huh maf raw diet you are gargantuin. >> my pet names are freak.
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let's call this what it is. it is not a networking club. it is a secret sex club. this is what they are doing. let's go and talk about business. and then they close the door and -- it is a lot of giant on giant sex. >> the moment that goes public there will be a huge audience for that. >> are you kidding me? i have to find this place. it is interesting. i think it is great of the the internet is great forgetting like-minded people together. like you think you are the only freak, but there is another one over there. it unites people. >> that's why i came to new york and met you. i thought i was the only weird owe. >> tall people are generally gentle. they can never pick fights. >> and they are also worried they will squeeze us to death. >> the great thing about being short, if you go shopping for shoes usually the 5 and a half
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sources tell tmz that why "jersey shore" star checked into rehab for substance abuse. but he spent the fast several weeks at an undisclosed location. and in other news, mtv announced that snooki, now pregnant will not stop season six from being shot this summer. they are shooting snooki in the summer? is chris, you are our veteran jersey shore watcher of the the coke head leaves and the pregnant lady stays. this makes sense, right? >> i think "the situation" is resting and recouperating. all of that work on his core and his abs, it is not the partying and it is not the drugs.
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i completely and totally believe him. >> i wonder what substance he was taking. >> xenadrine. >> isn't that what she took to lose the weight? >> that's what they advertise in the "people" i get. >> this is a huge story and i don't like you interruptiing me. should someone protest -- i'm reading the wrong story here. >> that was awesome. that is so awesome. >> i am reading the bloomburg report. >> here is my question. why do they keep with the same people? in "real world" -- >> because we care. they are interesting. i don't know. snooki getting pregnant is like forced rehab. >> the only way she can quit drinking is by getting pregnant. >> she is not quitting drinking. >> i think the word stout is in her future. >> the umbilical cord is like
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a beer bong. >> the baby will be an -- will be a martini. >> i meant that metaphor rickly. the tastiest part of the martini and the child will be a delight. i mean again met -- metaphor rickly. the kid will be a joy, a fun thing. >> as all children are. >> dana, you tried out for jersey shore, but your hair extensions wouldn't keep in. >> i thought that would get me someplace. and i never even sucked helium. i was disqualified. then i found my way back to fox news and "the five" and things are working out. >> you took your second best and made it better. "the situation" has denied this tweeting. don't believe everything you hear which is funny -- >> what are we do ?g why are we doing this story? >> he did that twice.
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as far as journalism is concerned, this is very nose responsible. and this one who tries to raise exhaustion awareness, how dare you be smir of a very, very difficult disease. >> it is a real problem. it often happens when you run out of cocaine. >> and then you run out of clothes and are you on the street and yelling at cars. >> i have been trying to raise cocaine exhaustion awareness when you run out of cocaine by making frantic phone calls to people i see once every three weeks or so. >> tv's andy levy. go to fox news.com/red eye.
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>> where will you be on march 31st? >> i will be in maine and speaking at the libertarian party at maine and talking about why. >> you have become quite the libertarian lately. >> and gary johnson. >> where can people find you. >> i am on twitter and i have a podcast and you can be there. >> excellent. >> byway, follow nicky glaser. >> dana, do you have somebody's birthday you want to talk about? >> yes, my sister's birthday. march 21st. and it was twitter 6 and you should follow me. >> you have enough followers. >> i need more. i must have more. >> i am going to surpass you in the next few months. >> it is laying down the
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