are khalid shake mohamed and his conspirators turning it into a farce 1234* the shocking story that is quite possibly the least shocking story ever. and did america's crazy uncle tell the truth? we discuss joe biden's gay marriage comments straight ahead. and what happens when bill schulz tries to eat a whole cow? hopeful leahy contracts a -- hopefully he contracts a neuro degenerative disease. that's the mad cow disease, greg. >> look what i found. >> what did you find? >> an actual chess piece. i found it in the garden. >> can't beat that. >> i was hiding by a rock. >> you will get the joke i made. >> what joke? >> never mind jie. go away. let's welcome our guests. she is so hot she leaves scorch marks in assisted of

footprints. i am here with the criminal defense attorney remi spencer. and she -- he is so sharp ginzu knives over him. and his head lice recently contracted shingles. it is my repulsive sidekick, bill schulz. and he is doing our show in between his shifts at hot topic and the piercing pagoda. the star of the lifetime series, writer and comedian, jesse joyce. it is called pro joyce. and, that is enough about him, he loves to vent about the 1%. tabooed to see you, pinch. good to see you, pinch. >> tyler kepner stars don madingly who is happy being a dodger. as for his exmustache, dejected. he is alone and hoping john stocil splits and his former mustache will start dating again. greg? >> thank you.

>> they are flipping through mags as the terror trial lags. on saturday the hearing for the self-proclaimed master find evolved into a holy mess as they made every effort to disrupt the proceeding. he refused to speak because as his lawyer put it, he was deeply concerned with the fairness of the proceedings. instead they prayed, red the koran and one even placed a paper airplane on the my microphone. and adding to the farce, one of the lawyers were drawn here. they suggested the women on the prosecution team should cover up islam style because they would betray their faith if they saw the knee length skirts. what ined could of hoops did the -- what kind of hoops did they put them through? we acquired exclusive tape.

jesse, you starred in the hit series back in the 80s. it seems like this thing will take years. >> that's a great point. i think they are represented by the subjects from edward monk's "the scream." >> that will fetch like $40 million. >> there are two terrorism trials going on, and he is also not recognizing the court's legitimacy. we can put them in a cry room because the norwegian dude hates muslims and the terrorists hates everyone. >> especially the norwegians. >> i would douse it with

gasoline and set it on fire. >> he is responsible for the deaths of those 9/11. they are thumbing their noses, aren't they? >> yes, they turn out to be jerks. you snow what i don't get about this, it points to the whole hybrid national security versus law enforcement motto we have here. we in a strange situation where we decide we can assassinate the american citizens wherever they may be, but they have to get a trial. i don't get it. you can shoot these guys. they are terrorists. stop taking prisoners and start shooting people in the face. >> that's why president obama has embraced drones. it eliminates this quandry which i believe means problem. if you kill them before they get there, then you never have this issue. we can't trust our justice department. >> i have my reservations about what we do in the name of national security.

if it is a question about occupying iraq and afghanistan and being in pakistan and yemen and everywhere else and not bothering with him, i think that is not only efficient, but more humane. >> good point. basically they have nothing left to lose. they already wanted to die, and we won't let them. so aren't they just enjoying themselves? >> i am not sure you can say anybody in custody is enjoying themselves. >> they are. they are having fun. they are passing around magazines and taking off their shirts. i think this is fun. >> you may be in the limited exception that would enjoy some time behind bars with a bunch of criminals. >> i don't think it is surprising. everybody who has been getting ready for the trial and watching the trial will denounce it. they will say they are not participating so they can ignore the out come. they will say justice wasn't served and they didn't get a fair shake.

they didn't participate. i don't think this is going to be the end of it. >> you just came up with a headline. a fair shake? all right, people. here is the thing, are they really driving the criminals crazy by having a female lawyer defend them? isn't that the ultimate punishment that the people that that -- well, they don't think women should have any jobs, correct? >> a solid point white lewis farrakahn. and having a woman talk, period, much less represent them is a horrible thing. but why do they get anything? why do they get to wear their traditional garbs. why do they get prayer breaks ? they are prisoners. they don't get these rights. and hats off to the pros ut coulder. not only wearing the skirt, but the black, white and red stilettos she was wearing. she should shop with me. >> if i was in the courtroom and i was a woman, i would

dress so sexily, i would tart it up madly madly -- i would do it as a guy. i would come in and cross dress and just taunt them with my beauty which is what i do to my viewers every night. >> make aly mcbeal's skirts look prudish. >> orie move the jacket and shirt and just go with the bow tie. >> i would be a cross between a chip and dale and a chipmunk. will they ever mock barak? "saturday night live" opened with a fox news parity, and i am outraged. the daily caller reports that another bit was intended, but scraped. it was written by jim downey and had fred armison addressing america on killing osama bin laden day. the sketch partly partly pokes fun oaf bay you ma and reminds america that he made the call to kill obama like these. this is a special time of year when we gather to commemorate the shooting of the terrorist

and the gut see decision that made it possible. unfortunately i wasn't home because i had to fly to afghanistan to remind president karzai that it was my decision and it was a gut see one. he tells the website media that there is nothing odd and denies a con spear see. but isn't that what you would expect him to say? bet you are wondering how my push up regimen is going. >> it is called kitten resistance. it adds a little weight against my neck and it helps my abs and my spine. you were on "snl" for one season before your skateboarding accident. they sketches get cut all the time. >> i don't know if the guy who

looks like the hobbit who had a music teacher. they cut sketches all the time. the whole transcript -- it is not a great sketch. it is like one joke they hit over and over again which they do, but it happens to be the less strong of the two sketches. i have been on this show a hundred times when you have done that. r -- you cut a thing that was weak owl the time. you don't say, you cut a child about childhood obesity so bill can get his haircut at a black barber shop. >> we never ended up airing that. >> kevin. it is okay. i would say it is a meter yolker sketch. the one that replaced it was a meet yolker sketch. it is like a baseline zero equation. it was not like one was phenomenally better than the other. >> i think now that rupert murdoch is in charge of the world's nuclear arsonal, it is

important we pay a lot of attention to them. they have been soft on president obama since day one. the thing about comedies, you have to cross certain lines. it is what makes things funny. they are tentative when it comes to this president. i don't think it is just because partisan and political sympathies, but for broader, cultural reasons, it is not cool in their world to be anti-obama. they are still on the cheerleading ban wagon. they are soft. >> i think that is a good point. i don't believe it is a political thing. making fun of fox news is like making fun of your parents. making fun of obama is like making fun of the cool people you share your assumptions with. >> are you in the bow tie. >> that's exactly right. >> all of the young kids are wearing the bow tie. >> i am not sure i will agree with that comparison 100%, but there is -- as much as i admire and respect fox news, i am thrilled to be here on the air on your show and other shows here, and i don't think

you can compare it to the president of the united states. i do think that there is a level of respect that is afforded. >> that makes no sense. they saterize bush beyond belief. >> i think it should be -- there should be a little sensitivity. >> there never was sensitivity. >> i don't agree with that. they made fun of president obama on snl. >> when? >> they make fun of -- >> by having armison do an impression of him? >> he talked about how he has done nothing and then proceeded to do a speech for 20 minutes. >> the thing about clinton is you had to make fun of the guy because he was a clown. you couldn't report on clinton without doing something funny. >> bill, were you able to watch this week's "snl"

through one of the windows in the alleyway. >> as you know i was kicked out of the alley. i did notice that this was the funnier skit. he writes critical stuff about obama all the time. sometimes they are picked and sometimes they don't. they chose fox and friends over obama because it is liberal, and to use a word your bow tie will understand is poppycock. >> i felt my bow tie quiver. really quick, i think it is a big deal because we are acting like it is not a big deal. two or three weeks ago they had a piece in the new york times and they interviewed the snl writers saying they punish they could do more on obama. instead of shelfing a skit, improve it. edit it, write it better. that's what you would do. they had an opportunity to do something and they didn't do it. they talk about speaking of truth of power. making fun of fox news is like

making fun of your parents. is the president as drab as the beep is fab? joe biden had for the meet the please owner. >> i think that was someone else. >> look. i am vice president of the united states of america. the president sets the policy. i am absolutely comfortable with the fact that men marry men and women marry women and hetrosexuals are entitled to the same civil rights and the same liberties. quite frankly i don't see much of a distinction beyond that. >> he left out the sequential hemaphrodites. cue carney who met with the press on monday. >> i think the vice president pressed his personal view and

he was evolving on the issue. >> nice try, but i don't believe in evolution. let's face it, obama isn't coming around until after the election. why do you think that is? >> he doesn't want to lose votes. i think it is as simple as that. >> where will you lose them from? >> from anyone who has a strong feeling about this issue. >> who are they? >> anybody. >> name them. >> north carolina. >> people very supportive of obama? >> yes, i think so. i think there are people who support him and might disagree with him on this issue. i think what we saw with biden was a man who was starting to speak his own mind, but not paying attention to the politics. staying ambiguous on the issue. >> kevin, do you think this was planned or biden flub? >> i would think it was biden being biden if there wasn't two other people in the cabinet come out and do the same thing. i don't think anybody who pays attention has ever seriously believed barack obama is opposed to gay marriage.

it seemed phony from the beginning. he is worried about losing both. >> but also black voters i assume. >> i don't think he is worried about that. >> he will win 105%. >> generally they tend to be more conservative religiously. >> he is definitely not going to get involved in it. >> it is going to be a surprise to a lot of people i think how far out of the closet he comes. >> probably not the best choice of words. now that joe biden is caught up to dick cheney, the world can take a deep breath. >> that's right. back in the 90s you played a gay franken stein author. why is obama not coming out now for gay marriage? >> i will answer that only blackjack dealer who can't see over the table?

look, everybody is playing politics. but they are politicians. that's what they do. if you interviewed a baseball coach and he was like, -- it would be like, why aren't you committing to this answer? there is about to be an election. you can change more once you are on the inside. that's why they are hedging their bets. >> bill, is this simple math in in -- math? people are not voting than the smaller percentage of those that are. >> it is politicians being politicians. he can him and haw. he can remind people he blocked the relationship and it should be about a guy and a girl. as for cheney, it is great he came out for gay marriage. a little less great than the

possible second term. and furthermore, for all of you gays out there, just know this. to quote the monkeys, you can't always get what you want. wait until the next term. >> it wasn't the monkeys. it was the beatles. >> it was? >> the rubber pepper ole bum. >> my favorite blues band. is it wise for defense attorneys to date their murderous clients? remi spencer on how she mixes business with pleasure. but first, why did the dinasaurs really die? we report and you munch on tall tries. trees.

why is a pro ball knit wit taking on a knit wit? they made remarks at the boston celtics game.

roll tape. >> go back to miami and play another 48 -- >> mitt romney. he is at the game in boston. >> we are going to beat you like a drum in november. but don't take it personally. you seem like a nice tabi. nice guy, but you are going down, bro. please don't have no kids, man. you are an idiot dressed like that. please don't have no kids. >> i guess he doesn't like big hats. can't blame him there. >> let's discuss this in the -- rye lightning rooooouuuuuunnnnd. >> you played a point guard in a kid's show "basketball mummy." so barkley often says stupid comments and we love him. >> speaking of rolls, i want to say congratulations for this evening's uh academy award win for best short.

>> charles barkley came out and said to the hell with mitt romney. nikisix, he said to hell with obama. >> but that's good. >> their votes now can sell each other out. >> what will you do with the next segment when you don't have an answer? >> i will make fun of something else. >> feel free to complete your thought. >> wayne gretzky is not a spokesperson for weight watchers the last time i checked. the list of people i don't care about, charles barkley has to be somewhere near the top. i think i remember he used to be a republican once upon a time or sort of conservative. i think he talked about running for office at some time. >> then he changed because obama ran and he said i have to vote for obama, and i don't know why. >> obama is not a good basketball player.

he seems to get hurt on the court from time to time. barkley is a has ben -- has been guy with a big mouth. who cares what he thinks other than basketball? >> i care. >> while kevin is not a huge fan of the politics, he is a huge fan of the haircut. >> that's what makes him a good commentator, that he says what is on his mind. >> should a sports broadcaster be mixing politics with sports, especially if guys go to a game. is that okay? >> of course it is okay to go to a game, and i don't think he meant to mix politics with common tating. it rolled off his tongue. it wasn't a grand scheme to make a dig on him. i think that's what makes him a lively, entertaining commentator. >> i hope you feel the same way when somebody says splg

about obama. >> you are painting me as an obama supporter. that's not what i am saying. >> are you telling me you hate obama and are you a racist? >> she is wearing black. >> it is because he never won a world series. is that the root of the rage? >> he never earned the gold peacock that are given to the winners. no, but you are right. #r -- he is a republican. i think romney should be worried. >> he changed to vote for obama. >> right. but when he was a republican we talked about how he was the greatest role model in the history of role models. >> i can't go to the next story? >> guess we covered it. >> we might do it later so you might be in luck. maybe we hillary cycle one of the old jokes like the ed hardy knockoff shirt you are wearing.

do you have a comment on the show? e-mail us. to leave a voicemail on my direct line it is 2 wub -- 212-462-5050. still to come, the half time report from andy levy, a depressing person. >> tonight is sponsored by zombie, the rihanna mated corpses brought back to life by various means. thanks, zombies.

welcome bract. let's find out if we got anything wrong so far. >> i don't get it. >> that was obvious. >> and yet nobody else did it. >> how can it be obvious if you didn't get it? >> pee wee herman was such a low bar for a joke that -- go ahead, say it, even i can touch it. >> that would have been obvious. you refer to ksm as aka -- [bleep] standard and practices it should be alleged [bleep]. they are concerned about that. kevin you said under the geneva convention we can just shoot these guys. i am not entirely sure that is true, but i love how one of the defendants shouted at the judge, quote, maybe they are going to kill us and say we are committing suicide. i read that is say, well, now

that you bring it up. >> i am not a lawyer, but ununiformed combatants are not covered as prisoners of war. i think they meet one of those. >> allegedly. >> allegedly. >> but that is the problem, isn't it? >> why don't we shoot them and find out. >> what if we were using it wrong. jay it means for -- >> it means for sure. >> i can say you are not using allegedly wrong. >> all of these guys, all of these defendants say they will plead guilty to speed up their martyr dom. it is no so fast anymore. i find that interesting. >> you do find it interesting. >> remi, you didn't agree that these guys are having fun. you have to understand that

passing around magazines and taking off his shirt is a good thing. >> and i think greg would enjoy that with those who are passing around magazines on a sunday. >> why would you call them a bunch of other men? >> that's what a jail is. that's what a prison is. >> that's my sunday afternoon. >> i didn't realize his apartment is a prison. >> we should talk about the economists. they weren't passing around mechanics weekly. >> how boring does the trial have to be if reading "the economist" is more exciting. >> that's a cheap shot. the economist is interest -- interesting. >> i wouldn't know. >> that's right, you wouldn't. >> if these guys are not careful they will end up with contempt of court charges. >> that's the point i was making. there was nothing to lose. >> they could be thrown out of the courtroom if they create a disturbance.

>> the whole point is they are putting on a show for the world to see. that's the only enjoyment they are getting out of it. >> they had six years to put this show together. >> you couldn't come up with like one clever sketch? >> apparently his beard is dyed dyedhenna red. he is like the katie perry of terrorists. >> they had a sketch, but they did one on owe bough ma. -- obama. >> speaking of which, i agree. i think the script is funnier than you do. i have no doubt that he is telling the truth here. >> speaking of funnier what about pee wee is herman? because he is so little like pee wee, pee wee herman?

>> pee wee cubed. >> agent double o smurf. >> pee wee woman 1234*. >> watch it. >> i agree snl has not gone after the president that much. but isn't that because he is so cool some. >> no. >> i think it is. >> if you have two competing explanations and one is they killed the skit because of political reasons. i don't know anything about killing the skits. >> somebody will not get asked to host snl. >> i would like to say i disassociate myself from that. >> i think i am pretty safe from that. >> you brought up a column and you said they should have run the sketch. >> they ran the sketch, and it must not have gotten a good reaction from the crowd, and that's why they killed it. >> boy, you really are just toeing the line, aren't you? >> if only they had editors to

fix the jokes like they do with every other skit. >> as soon as dress ends shortly after that, they start -- they kill sketches all the time. >> they also fix things all the time. >> i know what you are doing. >> remi, you said we saw biden speaking his own mind. i really don't think biden said anything that is much different from what obama said. i am absolutely comfortable that men marying men and women marying women are entitled to the same rights which is what he said about his unevolved view in support of civil unions, isn't it? >> yes. but i think what you said he is so shy of saying we believe in marriage for everyone.

if he was out of office, he would say that. because he is a politician and in a campaign year i think he is ?ot going to come -- he is not going to complete that thought. >> if you are looking for your drutters. >> and the bow tie would work at that store. >> why? >> it would make sense. >> i don't understand. >> maybe this old mustache wax has a story. >> i look like i should be on the cover of a weird syrup bottle. top hats and ropes to tie down women in the early 1900's. >> or i should be siting in the back of a covered wagon selling test tubes filled with blue liquid. elixirs, if you will. >> go ahead. >> that was like five minutes

of stuff and my pee wee herman stuff was better. bill, you brought up the fact that obama is being a politician on the gay marriage issue. wasn't he supposed to be different? >> were you taught wrong. >> you also say while dick cheney is pro gay marriage it is a shame he waited until he was in office. >> romney is going to lose. kevin, you are right about bar clear. he considered running as a republican. he changed in 2006 telling rolling stone i was a republican until they lost their minds. he was an independent and saying they are full of it and democrats are slightly less full of it. >> that's a good campaign slogan. >> that's all i have. >> when he is driving he is full of it, and by it i mean booze.

>> good luck with that bicycle. >> coming up. what do you wear to a job interview? sometimes i wear a hooded sweatshirt under my hooded sweatshirt? what did nicky sixx say about obama? spoiler alert.

it is an about face for a dude who plays base. motley crew's nicky sx has turned on owe bay you ma for -- obama. he said our president is commenting on kayne having lyndsay at his party. i used to believe in him. but things change. sounds like he has an appetite for destruction. am i right? >> you are not right. >> you were in a motley tribute brand. are you surprised by his change of heart?

>> what i think is ironic is the whole thing is like, what are you doing about celebrities? and then we do this story. >> and the fact you have said that word. >> very fiber rich show. >> remi, you dated nikkii in the 90s. are you with on obama's infatuation with celebrities. >> you have mistaken me for someone else. it would have been a crime to date me. >> do you think he would have cared? >> do you think i care about what he thinks about obama is doing or isn't doing? this goes back to what kevin was saying about charles barkley's opinion about the president. i just don't care. >> you can't do rerun answers. >> we get that point. but you will talk about how silly it is or we have no story. kevin, once you lose nicky sixx you lose america. am i right? >> shout at the devil was a work of genius. you have to pay attention to what nicky sixx says.

>> that's how you answer a question. he doesn't care, but he still answered it. >> i could leach -- life tbow like. >> no, i want you to stay. >> bill, you dated nicky sixx have you spoken to him? >> he is all man. let me educate a couple. obama does not invite lyndsay lohan. and obama only comment owed kanye with some stew mid reporter and he asked him about it. w45 did he say? con yea was a jackass. why did he say kanye was a jackass? because it is true. you got nothing, nicky. >> he is the president of the united states. when somebody asks him a stupid question he is allowed to say, that's a stupid question. i am not going to answer it. >> or he can be polite. are they in history's dust

bin for breaking too much win? dyedinasaurs pumped out 220 million tons of methane a year, enough to hayesen their own demise. i don't buy that. the main is a soropod that 80 half a tons of ferns per day. jesse, you played a punk rock tara dact till. >> my hex resume -- my resume is so extensive. 24r* are hundreds of franken stein esque. whatever jurassic farther jokes you intend to -- fart jokes you make, i would like to point out that they did that is joke twos00 million years ago. >> bill, this is is your favorite story. say what you like. >> i love it. and i don't buy it.

they never became extinct. scientists believe that all poultry, no joke, are direct descendants of the t-rex. i'm so excited about this my earpiece fell ut on. chickens are probably t rexes. have you ever heard a chicken fart or chart as known in the veer knack lar. >> chickens are what? >> are t rexes? >> obviously. >> direct descendants fnlt. >> they look at their legs and they are similar. >> i love this story. it is hysterical. i'm not sure if you would like my answer. >> we don't have much time, recommend knee. re mi. >> i will take my time now. i love it. we can continue to hypothesize how the dinasaurs became extinct. this is one of the more

humorous ways. >> i would love to see the quan day tiff assumptions behind how much passed. i wanted to know if they studied how that is. i'm sure it is very rigorous, but i would love to have a look. >> and we don't have to worry about the co2. we can just worry about the meth meth -- methane. >> it was missing from the dinasaur movies. >> we would like to remember somebody special. this weekend, meow, the 39-pound cat died from loving life too much. aka respiratory distress. he will be missed.

in lieu of flowers send money to me. when we come back, we will talk about something. a book.

he is the new york times best selling author and the founder of the american spectator, the publication that gave me my first job. hard to believe. i sorted mail and bought tuna fish sandwiches for him. "the death of liberalism" comes out and if you buy it i will probably have you killed. good to see you. the book is called "the death of liberalism." >> yes, it is a longtime coming, but it is here. >> what happens if obama is re-elected? what do you do? >> if obama is re-elected there will be an atomic energy. it is impossible. i don't know who you have been listening to, but believe me, the rest of america is pretty much of the opinion that obama is gone. his goose is cooked.

>> what is your evidence to make all of our viewers -- >> i tell you, looking in general terms over the trends. going back 30 years, i cite the trends in my book. the trends have been against liberalism. when you were a kid or when i was a kid liberalism totally dominated. it doesn't dominate anymore. it is down to 20% of the electorat and 42% of the electorat is conservative and 35% of the electorat is independent and they trended that way since the last election. i see a huge turn jut. >> democrats get these

coalitions together. >> let's call it the liberal crack up. the coalitions have a hard time staying together. the environmentalists hate the union workers. the union workers like like on paper they vote democratic. a large number of independent workers are conservative. the liberal crack up was a crack up of liberal members who don't get along it is conservative crack up was the stress on those borders and lead to certain stress. it was the stress of the evangelicals. it was the stress of -- and now it is the stress of the tea party people. there are a whole direction of people in the coalition that

are coming together. the liberal coalition is falling apart. >> when you keep hearing about it, you hear they are going to get all of the black folk. they look like they are doing well with hispanic. they have all single women. >> so the liberals say jie. we have to see what charles barkley says? just throwing that out there. i heard he was -- well, since it is on the subject and i don't want to argue with himg, but i don't think he will go in and i don't think obama will win. >> if you were advising romney who should he pick for vp? >> my favorite candidate for anything is paul ryan. i don't think paul ryan wants to leave the house of representatives. i think chris chris stey is a good choice. i actually think chris kristy

really wants it. >> yes, i am beginning to think something will happen. >> he better lose 40 pounds. maybe 70. maybe 80. >> i will say something else about the liberals spt diminution in this country. the liberals sealed themselves off in the cocoon. they don't talk to us. 30 years ago i was invited on abc, cbs, nbr. i appeared and talked to all of them. they thought i was crazy. now the rerld of -- the world of liberal media is sealed off. they have some guy like david frimp to represent them.

they won't have people like me on their show. >> we have you here. you have to get the new book. it is out tomorrow? "the death of liberalism" and it has a coffin on the cover. >> we will close things ut with a post game wrap up with andy levy. to see recent clips fox news.com/red eye.

back to andy levy for a post game wrap up. hi, andy. >> greg, thanks. >> welcome. >> kevin, i hear have you breaking news about barry gold water? >> yes, i was wondering there is always a myth that the republican party and the democrats switched in someway on civil rights i always thought that is underred like bs. but it turns out it is untrue and there is no evidence for it. you can read all about it during the next issue coming out on friday.

>> remi, where can people see you later in the week? >> later i will be live on fox business network at 5:30 on friday. >> upcoming gigs? >> indeed. the mall of america performing at the house of comedy in minneapolis this wednesday through sunday the 13th. >> you are telling jokes at a hot topic, aren't you? >> i won't be telling joke there's, but i am getting a whole new wardrobe. >> they have a rollercoaster there and i can actually ride it. >> you were going to make a height joke. >> why do they do that to me? >> bill: the o'reilly factor is on. tonight. >> you don't think blacks jumps whites in the wake of trayvon martin is news worthy? >> on its face, no. >> the newspaper editor in norfolk, virginia who covered up the story about a black mob attacking two of its reporters comes clean to jesse wawrs. >> willing to admit maybe