i can't see below the waist. >> i am shaking the 8 ball. >> no, you are doing something perverted and wrong. >> tom, normally i can't do that when i have an 8 ball. >> nice. >> i think are you going to go away now. let's welcome our guest. she is so hot that hot mail is now called diane macedo mail. she anchors "business news" on imus in the morning. she is up early. and he is so sharp he sleeps in a knife drawer. and in china he is considered a cat. my repulsive sidekick, bill schulz. >> you laughed at that. and he is chess king's most successful cat tau log model, writer and caw -- and comedian, jesse joyce. what was that? pro joyce. >> i was doing my eyebrows. >> it is too late. and his circulation is decreased so he will soon be deceased. good to see you, pinch.

>> there is is a youtube sensation, umg kitty can be a biological learning aid when it comes to young students. when reached for comment the feline responded with, quote, me -- meow, meow, meow, meow. >> well done, intern punch. back to you, greg. >> this is turning into a theater of concern. >> tv. >> let's go to serious news. is the face of people tied to the beatle? thanks to global warming, you know what that is, insect population is soaring and they are killing forests in montana. the bigger picture, some scientists say the earth could be nearing a point where mass extinction would undermine maned inned could. mankind. it is spurred by economic

expansion go gobbling up land. said one called expert, the situation scares the hell out of me. we created a bubble of population and economy. it is unsustainable. it has to be deflated gently or it is going to burst. you know what else is unsustainable? this. >> the chair is like the earth, and the dog is like people just going around and around and around, and we are not getting any better, people. that's how i look at it. then again, i haven't slept in three days. herald, haven't we heard this uh apocalyptic goal nonsense before, and have they ever been right? >> not yet. they have a right to keep

trying. paul was telling this years ago and said we would be starving and we would be on fire and we wouldn't be having this conversation. that would have been a good thing as far as he is concerned, but all of those things haven't come to task. and scientists and journalists and politicians continue to make a living off the sky is falling propaganda and that's what it is. >> it is. they told us that -- they always assume that human beings are never going to create anything innovative to put off what they would call over population which seems to be -- they don't like progress. >> you just hit the nail on the head a little bit, but none of these people were held accountable. they were making the forecasts and the predictions, yet no one calls them on it. they go become on it and they come up with a new prediction. i said 10 years 10 years ago, but 20 years from now this time i mean it. i don't understand why they have to go so abstract. you can make argument for environmental causes bayousing things that are obvious. recycle.

when you don't, you will increase landfills. nobody wants to live near a landfill. don't pollute the air because breathing dirty air sucks. you don't have to kill the polar bears to get people to understand your cause. >> i think it works against them. i understand what you said in the green room, if people get predictions wrong it would be murder. i am surprised you didn't bring that up here. i am with you, jesse. are these scientists being alarmists, or not alarmist enough. >> i would like to address that when bill said when i have an 8 ball of coke, the implication he doesn't always have an 8 ball of coke. i think it is not alarmist because you need alarm people so we can actually catch up with innovation. that's what happens. this needs to be talked about, but somebody will come and save the day. >> so you are saying -- wait. you are saying human beings are so stupid they need people to lie to them to innovate?

that's what you just said. >> nobody is lying to anybody. >> they are lying. >> you are lying to me. >> 1901 the world is going to end. 1.5 billion people the world topped off. we were on the downhill. 30% of the world didn't have food. it was on a decrease. he invented synthetic fertilizer. that's why we have $7 billion. that's why we have 7 billion people. >> he won a nobel prize for it in 1901. >> however, he created zyclone and chlorine gas which in world war i and world war ii killed 11 million people. it is a conflict of interest. it is how i feel about you in a sense that you are small enough. are you like a baby so i want to scoop you up. at the same time you wreak of bourbon. either way you will probably puke on my shirt. >> let me just get this straight. jesse had something extremely intelligent to say based on research he did this

afternoon. and the only reason he did that was so he could work his way to a joke that would insult me about the fact that i am small and a drunk. you actually don't even care. you don't care about the earth. >> i don't care about the seven billion or the 11 million. i just wanted to make a short drunk gong. short drunk joke. >> speaking of facts, this man baby smells like appeltinis, not of bourbon. >> one of our fans has a question for you. >> go. >> jesse, congrats on your promotion at orange julius. i hope you can finally afford floor mats for your gremlin. >> i guess they are suggesting that you still work at orange julius. i will translate for people who don't understand robot and you own a gremlin without floor mats. >> the first thing i would do with that money would be to get floor mats. >> how far off is he? >> he is dead on. he is exactly right.

>> i think we nailed it. i believe all of this comes down to dislike of western progress. that's what i get from it. am i wrong? i am right then. from over dferled to over weany -- from over developed to over weaned should they buy wine on the tax buyer's dime. it means no booze, cigarettes, lottery tickets or trips to casinos or strip clubs. not really a life worth living for diane. says the bill's sponsor, a republican, duh, the common sense legislation would protect hard working taxpayers from abuse. it does happen. the senator says a few constituents witnessed welfare recipients using their debit card to buy tobacco and booze at a wal-mart. that's the only thing i would buy at a wal-mart. though they do have wound of -- wonderful jeans. one man was caught gambling on

his government gravy. >> you guys try and invite -- try and invent something with your paws. diane, if it is our money can't we say how it is spent? it is our money. >> that's the point, it is our money. why should my money be used for tobacco and gambling. i am all for this. i don't think people should use tax money to pay for vices. and along the same lines, even stricter, i don't think food stamps should be used to buy food that is bad for you. you shouldn't be able to buy potato chips with food stamps. they ruin their health and then we have to pay for them

to get treated too. >> food stamps shouldn't be allowed to buy food. >> let them eat stamps. >> it is the sticky residue of the stamp and it is actually six calories. >> they will probably snort the glue on the stamp. >> we are kidding, america. of course we are not that cold. and there are no such thing as food stamps. it is a debit card now. herald, they say people can't spend welfare money in liquor stores, but what if it is for a delightful wine sauce. >> it happens and what if it is medicinal? in their eyes it is all medicinal. they are trying to stay as healthy as they can. it is not working out good, but that's the concept. >> i agree with that. life is tough. who is to say that healthy food is anymore available than beer? i take issue with that, jesse as much as i take issue with your silly wardrobe and goatee. >> i didn't even try to come

up with a joke. >> they have a vast selection of oshkosh pants you would look great in. when i heard this i was like, you can still do that? you can buy booze and cigarettes and strippers? then i realize 12 years ago i was trying to get my comedy crew off the ground i was briefly getting unemployment, and that is all i spent my checks on exclusively. i am the problem. i realize that. >> you were trying to get your comedy career off the ground. when is that going to happen? >> i totally walked into that. >> well played, sir. >> think outside the box, people. if they take your ability to buy booze and strippers, you have to steel internet from a friend and nyquil, right? that works. it did for me. >> i did that for awhile. bill, where else should welfare money not be spent, tatoo parlors and mini golf.

>> what is the poi fl t of welfare if you don't look the part. i disagree with you. i agree with the food part, but let them have the booze and the smokes. when i am on the bourbon and smoke a lot, thaps when i fake my best resume. that's when it looks the best and that's when i get the most creative. >> i think this is what happens when you have an entitlement. everybody has a say in the entitlement because it is coming from your paycheck. i realize i am just gel russ cash dash jealous because it sounds like a better life than i have. if you can go to strip clubs and smoke and drink, that's fun. i don't want you to have fun on my money. i want to have fun on my money and if i am not you can't. >> amen. >> there is a question for you. >> again, sweet. >> jesse, i am the editor of old guys with earrings magazine. we would love you to be on the cover. our publication is very

popular among men who work part-time and and -- in comic bookstores. >> let's make it happen. >> you have given up. you can't fight the robots. >> i am impressed with the stuff stuff -- i roped those. >> you are no sara connor. you are not even fighting the terminator. >> it is hilarious. >> from welfare to wings. will the bird give chase? san francisco aimes to find out at no small cost. to secure america's cup, the city has agreed to spend $150,000 to check out whether the racing boats in their tall sails will frighten the birds on the bay. i believe tholes are actual -- i believe those are actual boats. it was brought out by a local group and will force them to install time lapse cameras along the race route to determine if the yachtses dis-- yachts disturb the migration season. when they take off they expand energy and they can affect

their health. anyway, you know what bird isn't scared of anything? >> it is actually steven siegal. are yachts evil and should they be stocked? or you feel for the birds? >> the yachts should be stocked by any means necessary and this is going to work great. i'm from the bay area and so are you. when was the last time you saw san francisco bay void of boats some when was the last time you saw the birds zipping around at 30 to 35 knots.

they are sitting without anybody to disturb. and suddenly they will see a sailboat and swim under water and parish. i think it is absurd giving the fact there are bird killing machines within a half hour drive of this location. i am not pro wind mill and anybody who loves birds shouldn't be. if you are concerned, save a few birds. close the wind mill. >> the real killer of birds are cats. and andy is out sick so i can say that and not feel rete retribution. do you think the money is well spent if you save birds. >> you get most of your biological information from tweety bird cartoons? no, look, i don't know a lot about what scares birds, but they are often terrified by anna tom mickly made dummies made by incapable farmers out of straw and overalls.

i suspect when you are wondering, does it scare a bird or not? just say yes, probably. >> that's so true. i never met a fearless bird. i tried many times. >> where do you stand on the yacht versus the bird? >> it is a waste of time and it is no surprise that california is nearly bankrupt. again i feel like it is the common theme, but don't those people have anything better to do? >> are you talking about the people on the show? how dare you? or the people watching the show? >> the door is always open so i wander in. there is a seat open and what are we talking about? >> it seems like a waste. >> bill, isn't the real evil here it is called america's cup? >> especially since we haven't won it since 1982. it has been in every country but ours. 81 is against this so-called

bird disturbance thing and they don't know their hitchcock. i am for any amount of money of what disturbs birds and where we can run and hide. >> that is one of the greatest movies. people thing it was a fictional thing. it really happened, didn't it, robot? >> jesse, i was looking forward toying your -- to seeing your last comic standing. i didn't realize you were caught during the opening credits. >> that's not true at all. >> i feel bad. i apologize. i thought it was funny that the robot got it wrong. >> will have my own sushi robot voice. but you have all of the power in this situation because you control the robots. >> next time i am on the panel you can guest host and you can do the robot.

>> never donna happen. we need to take a break. coming up, what is one way to ruin the prom date for your date? jesse's new book "tell her your real age." and should google be able to see what we are doing in our own backyards? joke is on you, google. i don't have a backyard.

do high-tech maps mean a privacy lapse? google and apple, whatever they are, are charting the planet, and both companies released new mapping services that reportedly used spy planes and military grade cameras with higher resolution. that has schumer in a humor. here is the new york senator on tuesday. >> the bottom line is on the

street somebody might snap a picture of you with their cell phone, but when you are in your backyard or even in your home because these planes can actually peer through windows, you expect a level of privacy. >> he is sexy. anyway, google and apple say chuck spears is unfounded and their maps are not that high quality. but they would say that, wouldn't they? i know who hates prying eyes more than senator schumer? >> i would never leave. i would just sit and stair at it for hours. diane, i have done that with you many times that you were not aware, just like google. >> but he used the cocaine. he didn't --y used the coke

can. he didn't have to hide behind the whole bottle. >> maybe there is a robot that might have something to say to you. >> jesse, my dad said he saw you making out with some girl at the combination taco bell. and then he realized you had fallen asleep against a mirror. >> thank you. you stole that one from the internet. >> no, that is real. diane, these maps claim they will help us reach our destinations faster and better. is privacy a small price to pay? >> it depends on how much they are invading our privacy. google says the maps are not that high resolution anyway so you can't make out figures. apple says they already took measures blurring out people's faces and license plates and taking out any moving images. this may be a nonissue. if you can legitimately see people hanging out in their backyard and make out their

images, then yes there is a point. >> harmless or harmful or a combination of both? >> my wife and i have been sun bathing for years to form the letters fu google and so our moment has a arrived. they will see it and then we will be fearful of the surveillance we have always dreamed of. it is one of the few places i know google can't see me. >> wait. you and your wife formed fu google? how many wives do you have? what compound do you live in? >> it is a liberal hoa. >> bill, you claim to be mapping the insides of new york men's rooms. do people mind if you take out your camera? >> i don't actually get paid, but i do do that. schumer is right. it is at the point where pandora's box, to coin a

phrase, an old story that has since been put into a phrase. pandora's box has been opened and there is no going back. if google or apple aren't doing it it is being done by something. >> that is weird. when i was a kid in my house we had pandora's box. that's where my dad put my sister, pandora, before she disappeared. joy shooy is still in the box. cash dash. >> she is still in the bach. >> jesse, last word for you if you have one. >> didn't we talk about our facebook. >> images are expected to be so detailed they will be able to reveal objects four inches across. so that means you can totally sun bathe thewed and you wouldn't be -- sun bathe nude and you wouldn't be affected. >> i wanted to point out that everybody's talking point

included that joke. and bob bethel used it today on the -- on "the five." >> but i liked it anyway. >> and he will not remember that he used it. fresh, fresh, fresh rmt. >> i did work on a book at home and saw the cars go by, and it did not make me feel completely relaxed. more of that from above, probably awesome. if i could vote against it, i might. >> the idea of a car driving around without a driver as i spit on the ground freaks me out. >> one of the things was they let communities know when they are going to be flying overhead in massive areas. it doesn't seem that farfetched to me. >> you look up there and they come into your house. we are up here. people do that all the time. we have to take a break. do you have a comment on the show? e-mail us at red eye at fox news.com. to leave a voicemail it is simple. 212-462-5050. and yes we will be listening to the messages this week.

i promise. maybe not. still to come the half time report from tom shalou. >> tonight's half time report is sponsored by baby gorillas. the younger versions of the apes native to the forest of central africa. thanks, baby gorillas.

let's find out if we got

anything wrong so far. for that we go to comedian tom shalou. >> hi, greg. >> hello. >> doing great. >> i don't remember asking, but i am glad you are. >> you did ask and i blew you off. >> you did, that's right. then five seconds later came back to the subject. doing great. >> glad you are doing great. do you have a lot of stuff for us, tom? >> i had a dwash -- let's go to herald to begin with. you referenced paul erlick, the author of the population that i grew up on. were you saying he was full of balogna? is that what you were hinting at? >> i wanted to say the s-word. >> he was full of the f-word? >> he still stands by his population bomb but i guess

you are in disagreement with paul erlich. >> i am mighty tired of him. >> are you refer together classic fable with chicken little? >> the one in the same. >> dye ab -- diane, you said no one calls him on it. these were environmentalists? >> the scientists that make all of the predictions. many come out and say in 20 years the world will end. in 30 years no one looks back and says, what's up, guy? how come that was wrong? >> are you saying no one looks back. have you seen hannity. >> they don't ever have to answer for it. people talk it figuratively. they don't come out and explain why it is wrong. >> why don't you demand an answer? >> i demand an answer.

>> who was the guy who made the bet on the five metals. if they became less available then erlich would be right and if they were more plentiful, or cheaper, the other guy was right. it was the most fame russ proving things were more available over the time and no scarcity issue. >> i am going to look that man up and i will be back at the next half time report. >> this is a available piece of information and i only have 40 picks% of it. >> jesse, you said that bill is dressed like a boat captain. >> yes. >> i did a quick google image search. most of the marco island boat captains are shirtless. wait until the eight ball

kicks in. >> just so you know, the name was julian simon from stanford. >> yes, he was in "room with a view." wonderful actor fnlts -- wonderful actor. he was the scientist who made the bet. >> jesse, he also referenced him and he was responsible for terrible thing in world war i and world war ii. the man died in 1934, but he invented zycloneb. >> he is -- if he didn't make it -- >> you were trying to talk about a baby held in your arms. >> why do i feel like i am being invaded. number two, what is your problem with potato chips ? >> they are bad for you.

>> i have them all the time and i am the picture of health. >> carry on. >> herald, you said everything is medicinal. am i to infer that everything is okay and they can use anything and buy anything they want? >> just for tonight. some may win their lottery tickets at the casino, and if these palm are forced not to use the welfare money for those purposes, think of the loss for then pier state. for the empire state. >> that point makes no sense. potential lottery winners are just that. if they leave the state other winners will take their money. >> i just met you and i didn't think you were callus, but it turns out you are. >> jesse, the question came to

you, you were offered a job on the cover of old men we are airing magazine. i just did a search on the web and yahoo! answered. i asked how old is too old to wear an earring. 55 is the answer. >> did you send a note like "the boat captain world trade --" the boat captain and everybody else will be. >> you seem to imply the wind farms are causing a great amount of death among birds. i ran the numbers and our host is correct. 40,000 birds die from the wind mills. they killed 100 million. >> that's amazing. isn't that amazing? that changes everything. >> cats don't kill eagles too often. eagles are killed by wind

mills, but i will give you the cat point. >> power lines kill millions more. >> remember we are not paying those cats to kill those birds. we are giving many, many, many tax dollars. >> we would if we could. >> where do you get that information? diane, do you often find yourself sun bathing in the back of your home? >> are you and bill schulz going to fly over with a spy plane if i say yes? >> i just happen to know we have a good 13 to 34 deem demographics and i want to put that image in their head. >> happy to help. >> are you not at all creepy when you ask questions like that. >> i don't know why i have this reputation. >> tom, how many people are you going to google shirtless? >> they are on my board. pandora's box was a jar filled with the evils in the world.

now it means if someone refers to pandora's box they are creating evil that cannot be undone. >> pandora's box is a scented candle store in burbank. >> is it? >> yes, i -- look it up. >> i love the amazing bull law tin board where you can find people to do odd jobs. there is a guy named dan who will teachers and you how to play. >> the problem is they are not trained well. >> a qex of -- a collection of weekly magazines and newspapers. they are put together in a pile. >> free, free. >> guess what. free of the. >> i think dan teaches you how to play guitar. >> that he does. >> jesse, i want to go on record saying i enjoyed your

four inch joke. but shouldn't you have changed the set up to four inches long. it should have been four inches long. it makes sense when you are doing a joke about the male anatomy. >> you and i travel together, but don't you think you want to hide the punch line? if you would have said 4 inches long it would have been less of a leak. >> was that a joke in the ahmad me. anatomy. >> i report tom's caw me bibbing opinion. >> i think i made several points. back to you, greg. >> out of the several points there is no paw rail tee in the point you make. you made a fraction of one point. >> but it had gert. girth. >> coming up, stories so bold if you were here you would say

those are mine. what is up with yoko? i don't know. i will ask when i get home.

well, he got bad news. he wasn't dying. after new zealand man was told he had terminal cancer he and his wife sold their house and spent their money and then some on a bucket list of crap they wanted to do together before his time was up. a beautiful story. and then came word he didn't have cancer. doctors blamed the bad diagnosis on, quote, other medical conditions. by the way, the name of my band. the couple is now $80,000 in debt and worse still from new zealand. i kid, i love new zealand. i have never been there, but have i friends from new zealand. let's discuss this in -- >> lightning rooooouuuuunnnnnnddd. lightning round. >> herald, how do you feel about this? do you feel bad or good or a

mixture of bad and good which would be bood? >> i am only happy for these people. it is a feel good story of 10 years from now it is hilarious for us and them. they are playing catch up. >> every cancer diagnosis should be this wrong. >> you are absolutely right. >> that's the way you should look at it. >> bill, you also made a bucket list. >> that's the only list i will tolerate. i am so sick of that phrase. i have a better one. countdown capers. it is cute. it is new. it doesn't remind me of the awful movie. >> i am writing a bucket list. >> and use a bucket where people will put dollars every time they see it. >> they are in debt, but everybody else is in debt. they got a great vacation and they learned something. >> i just feel so badly for this guy to find out he is not dying of cancer.

they are like, what is he going to do now that he only has his health? this might sound insane, but maybe he should go back to work like people who don't have deadly cancer. >> but if he was miss diagnosed due to other factors he is not doing so great. it is not cancer, but something else is going on. >> he went skydiving, but you can do that with no arms and legs. stop spreading the lie. should he sue the hospital or the doctor? >> no. i want to say no, but i see why he would. this is a strange one. this is a strapping case and i don't know what to make of it. >> it is the greatest feeling ever to have a second chance.

you know what the real winner in all of this is, really incompetent doctors. they will always beloved boy their patient. when i said you had an inoperable brain surgeon you just say you are the most awesome guy in the world. >> i i am not go willing to take your wallet. >> a business of -- >> suddenly the incompetent person is lovable. >> they are telling the story, poor, unfortunate thing. >> when the pain got so bad i would kill miles, but the pain never came. >> it is a happy ending and i'm sure he will figure that out soon enough. yoko own know launched an art exhibition in london and it includes this. the piece is called "war is

over" labeled ab andth in front she didn't understand. one work is called "helmet" and has jigsaw poz swrelz with with helmets. i got confused because i am angry she broke up the stones. macedo. where am i going with my questions? is this art? >> this woman is lucky she married john lennon. everybody else i know that does all of those things lives with their mother. >> don't they have anything better to do. >> yes, but she is wealthy and she is an icon. you have to admit mounds of dirt. could you do better? i don't think so. >> i have miles of dirt in my gremlin. >> i was an art history

major. >> i did not. i know the drums a lot. the gallery had other famous works and the most tragic part is when they started to showcase yoko's work the two broke up, the couple. and then they had an american gothic and she spent the whole time trying to explain to the dude to get rid of the whole bag because rut one with real pitch fork talent. >> that was elaborate. >> it was more clever. i really president whatted to point out things about art. >> it is. is art immune from objective judgment? >> speaking of objective judgment i have a picture with all three piled with dirt. we can breathe a high of relief.

this idea that has anything to do with war being over i have to say i like the idea of war is over. this year does president look like a great year for that. in all sin -- sincerity, i hope she is right. >> you like the sediments, but do you like the sediment? [laughing] >> we are going to take a break.

last topic, a kindergarten teacher in texas is faces charges after a six-year-old was told to sit in a chair and students were to stand in line and slap him to teachers and him a lesson. you pay children to do this to you and so this must beacon fusing. >> they hit the bully instead of me and as a result they are having timeout time in my safe. >> jesse, good method or bad method? >> what bugs me is the only

reason we know is the bully kid told his mom meaning he broke the first rule of kippedder -- kindergarten fight club. >> should the teacher be allowed back? >> no. i am for the disciplinarian role for the teachers. this goes too far. >> at least i know your limits. are we becoming obsessed about bullying? >> we are reading about it all the time. is there another thing? >> is it like a glass? >> it is for sure another thing and i am into it. i saw both sides and i got kids i don't think the teacher did this one right. whether she needs to be fired maybe not, but a little discipline of the correct kind may be in order. >> maybe she should sit her down and take a whack at her. >> i would say being a bully is a bad thing, but everybody acts like they weren't a bully. everybody was a bully. i just choose not to remember it.

i remember it because m why one. >> i wonder where that psychological deviation comes from. i wonder what could make a tiny guy angry at other people. >> i am not angry. i just enjoy insulting you. we have to close things out with a post game wrap up. to see clips of recent shows go to fox news.com/red eye.

i will be back at 5:00 p.m. eastern time. back to tom for the post game wrap up. >> herald, how does it feel to be the author of the best selling skeptical book on climate change? >> first of all, thank you for reading my questions. it feels awesome and will feel

awesomer and awesomer every year. it will go from best selling to uber best selling. >> let's find it and download it and read it. >> it is called don't sell your coat. >> wait a minute. you have big news. >> i am on "imus in the morning" and i gotten gauged on thursday. >> oh my god. we are so doing our hair tonight. >> don't say congratulations. you say congratulations to the guy because he won her. >> not her. >> he won me. >> where will you performing next week? >> comedy on broadway june 27th through the 30th. >> back to you, greg. >> it is such a strange man, but he is right because you are a prize, diane. thanks diane, bill, herald, jesse. i'm greg.

>> sean: tonight there are major developments from the campaign trail of michigan. a short time ago the presumptive republican nominee for president announced despite media reports to the contrary he is in fact considering florida senator marco rubio as his running mate. take a look. >> throw the football was a story that originated today apparently at abc based upon reports of supposedly outside unnamed advisors of mine. i can't imagine who such people are but i can tell you this, they know nothing about the vice presidential selection or evaluation process. there are only two people in this country who know who are being vetted and who are not. and that is beth myers and m myself. and i know beth well. she doesn't talk to it anybody. the story was entirely false. marco rubio is being thoroughly