i made my own. >> you take it out on the dolls? >> i dismember them and set them on fire. >> that sounds fun. >> yes, i will never be lonely. never be loan -- loan be. >> go away. >> there you go. wow. let's welcome our guest. she is so hot that sand on the beach can't walk on her. that was a hard one. what are you doing with the camera over there? and if sharp commentary was yardwork i would do him shirtless on a mower. it is kevin williamson. he is author of the book "the politically incorrect book of socialism" and in holland he is considered a canoe, my sidekick, bill schulz. and he knocks audiences dead with his humor and his giant, bloody shovel. it is comedian tom shalou. and all of his words are written by turds.

good to see you, pinch. >> according to the rogues, 37 years og today a -- ago today "jaws" opened in theaters everywhere expint deuced the con september of summer blockbusters. i would like to act out one of the film's more memorable scenes. back to you. >> thank you. that was scary. i hope for a sequel. so did obama, did president obama once tickle a boy to death? no, but you are close, america. according to a new bio of barak, as a kid the future president broke a friend's arm tickling his ear while riding a bike. i said it was close. the book by david moranis and

it gives a detailed look at his early life. new york magazine picked out choice trivia like obama had an unusually hard head as a child. he was known for his, quote, wicked impression of mick jagger. didn't everybody do an impression. he used brute spray de -- de yoder rent and his daily staple is a bowl of cereal. it was a breakfast of socialist. and this is the breakfast of baby raccoons. don't know what to say about that except that looked delicious. tom, why are we just learning about this stuff now? >> apparently because this book is coming out, right?

>> try to argue that. >> you have got me in a corner. >> i took logic in college. some of the details are weird. about the hard head it said, his head was so hard it made your hand hurt when you hit him. can you tell the difference between hardness and softness in the head? when you punch somebody in the head it hurts your hand. >> how do you know this? >> i only punched a few heads and it hurts. >> you clearly have never punched a baby. >> thank god for that. we at "red eye" are against punching babies. i want to make that clear to the people at home. i am interested in the details of his life, and it is because he is a celebrity. obama is a celebrity, so i treat him as one in my mind. president ford, was i interested in his struggle with acne? no. do i care what kate beckinsale wore to bed last night? yes. >> i think you have been infected with "us weekly"

itis. it all goes back. we all did weird things as a kid. we talked about this in the green room. you said you tortured and killed small animals? >> what? >> on a daily basis. the piece of trivia was my dad called my pig face. he was scared i would never get out of the house. at 10 i was like, you have to stop. >> your dad called you pig face so you would leave the house? >> he was worried he wouldn't get rid of me at this age. >> if i thought i had a pig face i would stay in the house. >> wow. >> my little nose turned up a little bit. >> adorable. >> it is not that he is a celebrity. obama, you can relate to him. you can play basketball with him. maybe he is somebody you want to have a beer with. because he eats cereal and so do we you will want to vote for him when it comes time in

november, or will you be voting for -- with your wallet saying i am sick of these prices. >> when i read that he indulged in total cereal my faith went out the window. i said, impeach. seriously, who eats total cereal? there is no flavor. >> it has the vitamins of 90 other bowls of cereal. it is the michael due due caucus of cereals. >> you said to add crushed up peaches to give it flavor. >> that's right. >> the total thing is one of the breakout points. it could be the most boring book ever written in the history of books? in a way little facts like that are kind of more interesting than the bigger facts. he also smoked cloves. the only people i knew were people who liked to tell

people they smoked cloves. they were a good way to get rid of the smell of other things you were smoking. >> he wasn't in drama, but he did like to say the truth usually lies somewhere in between. where did he get that from? it is one of those things you like to say to impress girls while you are in the american big brooke. >> that's a great title. great big book of american winalities. that's awesome. i like that. the thing is we know so little about him even though he is president going on eight years. >> my theory is right. we don't regard him as a politician. the only fact missing from his book is his birth in kenya. how did they leave that out?

>> it is so widely known. >> everybody knows he was born in kenya, tom. >> they have a make your own birth certificate at the end. >> choose your own country. all right, we have beaten this to dead. from hard heads to potheads. republican lawmakers in new york state have nexted a proposal to de criminalize the open possession of small amounts of marijuana. i have no idea what that means. >> they pushed the bill as a matter of justice. many black and latino men were busted because at frisks they were forced to empty their pockets and the measure might make them look soft on crime. if you encourage people to use drugs, marijuana is still a gateway drug to many other dangerous things. for more let's go to a bird who likes to party.

>> there was something wrong going on there. >> he liked flock of seagulls better maybe. >> maybe. is this why there will never be legalized drugs because of the scare of being pro crime and they don't want to lose an election. >> if we legalize it, it will make us softer on crime. it is only a crime because it is illegal. it is no longer a crime you have to be soft on. they were sensible for marijuana on 40 years now or something like that. the economic impact and the health impact and the political criminal justice, it has been well documented and really well understood. there is little controversy over the social cost of the war on drugs.

just get rid of it. >> i am telling you it is like a generational thing. you have to wait 40 years before people -- they just don't care and aren't scared. >> we have had three presidents in a row that smoke pot. >> they weren't president at the time. >> that's true. >> you were talking about in the green room how you get high before every "red eye" appearance. >> anybody have cheetoes? easy -- i pass on grass all the time. >> you do? >> you haven't seen "meet the faocke -- the fockers"? "meet the parents"? it is okay if you are not trafficking by the truckload. you can't have a big gulp soda in new york? or there is a possibility in the future or trans fat in

your food. marijuana is okay. >> marijuana isn't okay though. that's the problem. how do you feel about de criminalizing marijuana. >> it is a funny word. say legalize. say what you want to do to it. >> i thought it was great they brought race into it. i was always taught it is rude toy quaid blacks with drugs. don't use it in the same sentence. every time i turn around there is is a politician who says we need to de criminalize. they are walking around with small bags of marijuana and we need to protect them. why do you say that? i don't know any who do drugs and i know four blacks and three hispanics. >> that's quite a focus group. by the way, you were counting people in this studio. >> you are absolutely wrong. they are not here because they

want to be here. they are working. >> if you think they are not doing drugs, they could be taping huckabee right now. >> they are not there by their own free will. right now they think this is the rocker. bill, you have been a longtime adds vaw cet. you must -- advocate. you must be happy. >> you look at politicians that are appalled at two dudes marying or think a leaf should remain illegal. are they thinking about the party and the future for the party particularly when it comes to how the youth feel about these issues. they care about getting elected in two to four years. they could careless about the future, your future, anyone's future. i can do that because that is british. >> as people get older these issues are less a voting issue. for young people you say, yes,

they are going to vote on legalization, but not many are going to vote. by the time they get their paychecks and they see their taxes they are republicans and the three issues are so not important to them. it is not going to be because other people think about other things. >> i don't think it is them being elected. i have done dare conferences. they are into it. it is not a window dressing. it is a gateway drug and they think it is bad and away from kids. >> i have been to the same thing. i call it the nancy regan affect and it is such a cult that women wear red dresses. from smoking green to making yellow the standing while you your nate -- standing while you urinate

require anything? it will be gender and your national free. they site medical research claim men empty their bladders more efficiently during dude squats like a lady. >> and they claim it reduces prostate problems. they say the party is trying to mellow. quote, that's not what we are coulding. we want to give the option of going into a clean toilet. if sitting is an option those toilets will never be cleaned. swedish cats answer to no one.

>> a police officer came by and ticketed him because he was out in public and people don't want to see that. would you recommend a man who sits instead of stands? >> if this happened to be the normal for people, it would definitely help couples out. there is always the debate. you put them both down. do they both go up? >> as any man knows who uses an airport bathroom or public bathroom, if the toilet seat is down, you just pee on it. you are not going to put your hand down and lift it up. >> why would you? >> yes. you don't want to get your shoes dirty. >> it is such a stereo type. i aim for the handle. >> greg can't reach that high. >> keep them both up and it is 2:00 in the morning and you have to go to the bathroom and you are falling into the

toilet. >> i have never fallen into a toilet. i would have the highist -- the highest risk of drowning in a toilet and i haven't drowned in the toilet. some maintain that the lefty party wants to get rid of gender period. do you think that is true? >> there is literally no state that the nanny phase will not follow you. it is a crusade against smoking and cup cakes. this is nuts. there is no sphere of private life left. scraizy. crazy. >> the party recommends 12 to stand up only for those who comply. do you think that will work? >> we are not sitting down. i can el it you this white

now. dash dwash i can tell you this right now. we are not interfering into people's bathroom habits. we are giving them the option. that's what they do, give you the option. >> i want to know what do you do when you go into the bathroom and there is one wall john and one toilet. there is no stall. do you lock the door? >> good question. >> if you leave it open and some guy walks in and he is like, what am i going to do now. >> are you talking about a bathroom or when john gibson has a nickname. >> you know what else i can't stand, troughs. >> i love the trough. free and easy. >> along too communal. >> i come from the open country. >> i remember the old days of candlestick park. we were children. they want to go to the great outdoors.

the declaration of independencey was written in the snow first. did you know that? i almost bought that. you are a very strange, but clever man, written in the snow. >> i know what you are thinking about. >> on thomas jefferson. >> i am not. coming up, how much wait do you need to prop low -- to properly dispose of a body at sea. you will never find them so keep looking. is sharing music the same as buying music? some say no. why are we doing this story then?

she has a lot of songs for a song.

an intern at npr, whatever that is, rentesly blogged slash bragged she is more than -- she has more than 11,000 tunes on her computer but only coughed up cash for 15cd's in her lifetime. she supposedly lives for music and is a radio dj and kipped up a form -- storm after her no play for habit. i wish i could say i hate album packaging and rue the decline in sales. but the truth is i have never supported physical music. many call her a thief and two of the musician buddies killed themselves in part because they were broke. but sometimes you have to take what you want.

>> poor little wippit. a political metaphor, the smaller dog was obama and the larger dog was mitt romney coming in to steel the election. >> i think that was all clear. >> the smaller dog was white. i had to throw that out there. >> tom, we were in the green room, and i was surprised. you support this woman. >> she has blood on her hands. no, not really. i thought, this girl is terrible. then i realize i was prejudice because she is an intern at npr. i never liked interns. they never made out with me. i'm serious. i was better with employees, working women like waitresses who went in for the kill. interns are climbers. >> you went in for the kill. that explains the missing

waitresses. >> by the kill a good smooth at midnight. then i read her cart cal and she is reasonable. she wants to consume her entertainment. she likes concert tickets and t-shirts and other swag. she is into paying for things and i think she is good had. she is good. >> you could be on "mad men" without changing your behavior. >> he said smooch. >> i disagree completely. if you like a band or love a band you should support them. a lot of these guys are not making any money. you have to support them. she is cheating the people that are giving her pleasure. >> except that she -- the concert tickets and the t-shirts, but then that is supporting their fans and giving them what they want too. at the same time -- to me it

is what an entitlement society we live in. what is she? she is an intern. kids get out of the college and they thong they should have a job and responsibilities in the first place. >> remember she works at npr. this is a place dedicated to having other people pay for your con -- content. we would have a corporation for rock songs and tax dollars and people buying it and saying pbs wouldn't do it, who would? this culture rubs off on people. the other thing that was disgusting was the boyfriend who embarrassed her on prom night gave her five gigs of songs. itit is a disgusting, pansy lime. >> i will give you 5,000

shocks. >> i didn't even read that part. i missed that. >> you have to go deep into the story. >> i read the beginning. me and the guy that doubled, it was going to pull up to the girl's house and just that side. >> that's genius. >> bill, you actually talked to our intern? >> yes. i talk to our intern was talked to by hr. uh i said was hello. all i said was hello. she didn't know i worked for "red eye." you did the same thing to a different extent. not one of you recorded a song off the radio. you never recorded from your friend's album and made a little mix that susie threw back in your face? i don't like you, susie. we all did this in some respects. she went to concerts.

this girl has done nothing wrong. >> you are right. i like the side of the car. >> you presented a fair argument , but i still think they should get -- the band should get as much money as possible. usually people with bans are crazy, wild and fun, but they don't know how to handle money. >> i don't care because they are having sex with susie right now. >> they may not be rich, but they have things i don't have. >> washing one side of the car. >> amazing. >> what kind of car was it? >> one of the old american cars. >> you counted on them not seeing the side of the car. >> we had to turn the car around a. >> you only vacuumed the backseat. >> and it is not like they were going to see the other side of the car because you

never brought them home. >> that's true. all right then, do you have a comment on the show e-mail us at fox news.com. to leave a voicemail it is simple, 212-462-5050. one day we will check that line. >> tonight's half time report is sponsored by envelopes, the flat pockets of paper that hold a flap for sealing envelopes. thanks, envelopes.

welcome back. let's find out if we got anything wrong. for that we go to andy levy. hi, andy. >> hi, greg. i'm fine. no, everything is good. no, i don't want to talk about it. >> you were out sick. >> that's fine. president obama -- >> tom did a great job filling in for you, by the way. >> i'm sure he did. >> always does. he had a great magic eight ball joke that was hilarious. >> did he look he wrong camera like he is now? >> yes. >> president obama's facts, greg you pointed out that young barak used brute spray de yoder rent and then said for what, we don't know. i would say a woman repellent. for those too young to remember brought was our

generation's ax body spray. >> i think i might have used it. >> it doesn't surprise me. it was either that or jovan musk. >> that was fantastic. >> and then you graduated to drakar-noir. >> the body spray. >> i liked elizabeth taylor's diamonds. >> you are younger than us. >> no love for old spice. >> i actually loved old spice. i don't like the new old spice. >> the new spice? >> he uses -- huckabee uses drakaar-noir. he said so on the show. >> old spice is bad though. anna, your dad called you pig face? this is true in. >> true. >> i find it hard to believe. >> i take it as an affectionate term in certain households. i wonder what he called you when he was upset with you. >> one of the exec producers

from "modern family" says i am constantly surprised at my twin daughters. she is so much more confident than her sister. is he your dad? >> wall den coyman. little wallly. >> have i much more to say about this. all of these by graphical facts are incredibly boring. the only one greg you didn't talk about was the idea his ma ter national grandfather was not imprisoned and tortured by the british as obama has written. >> i had that on my notes and as i was getting more and more board, it is another case of fabrication of some kind in his book. that was always linked to his animosity toward the brits. but it never happened, right?

>> moranes seems convinced it never happened. to be fair to president obama it came from his step grandmother who was married to his grandfather. it is not like he made it up. new york state senate kills marijuana de criminal layings proposal. >> you said they need to read the national review of the also federal level republicans. >> i think everyone needs to. so, you know, it is not extensive to subscribe to. >> as the cartal points out most republicans as anyone who lives here knows from island -- from long island or upstate new york, it is the city poll sessions who want this, and the suburban and and -- it is like the city mouse versus the country mouse.

>> i never heard of long island or these places you speak of. >> they are adjacent to new york city. left wing poll stations are always equating with -- drugs with hispanics. the deal is blacks and hispanics are more likely to be stopped 1k3* frisked and more likely to be busted for having a small amount of pot on them. it is not that they are more likely to be smoking pot, but more likely to be busted for it. >> they said they are likely to have little bags in their pockets. i say the blacks and hispanics are not doing all of those drugs they say they are. >> they are not even i i saying that. >> i was going back to my original. >> the bottom line is whites and blacks are at roughly the same rate. blacks and hispanics are more lukely to be in prison for

it. >> i'm sure that's true. >> when i hear the study i junk phew. >> you mean so few people? >> so few really this is happening to. >> bill, you said you have to ask if politicians want to make them care about the party, clearly they don't care about the party, right? >>y woo are going -- we are going 50-50. >> they want to ban your -- urinals. >> do you not carry rubber gloves with you? >> not anymore. >> why did you stop? >> ever since the accident. >> all right. >> by the way, i try not to use public restrooms. that's my thing. >> that's your thing? >> yes. >> what you will be remembered for? >> exactly. that will be in my book. dreams of my toilet. the whole if you don't put

down the seat the woman will fall in thing? >> it happened to me multiple times. >> all i have to do is look. >> you are half asleep and the lights are out. >> when we are half asleep you have to remember to put it down? >> yes. if it has one place it is always in you will know if you have to put it up or down. >> there is a double standard going on. >> it is true. women rule the world. happy wife, happy life. dismie the swedish councilmember who authorized this motion doesn't want to take anyone's choice away. they are taking the choice. >> that's a good point. you expanded on a poimt i was ready to take. for men who settled down there was one labeled for stand up your nation only. urination only. intern never pays for music. we get the information to use

a picture of her on-line. npr said no. >> she could use -- get all of the free stuff she wants, but she asserts her copyright protection when we ask to use a photo. >> classic. this is my fault. you have to send in this year's donation. tom you said she is being reasonable. listen to this quote, all i require is the ability to listen to what i want, when i want and how i want it. is that so much to ask? >> she is willing to pay some monthly subscription. >> she is a consumer 6789 she wants convenience. >> so she is stealing instead? jay no, she says come up with a system -- >> come up with a system i like and i will stop stealing. >> you may be -- listen, in spirit i do believe you and i

do believe artists need to be come compensated. i think the big companies are getting ready to satisfy this woman's needs. shea me be the consumer these companies are looking for. >> i like comedy clubs, but i don't like paying. i will watch you perform, but maybe i will buy a t-shirt. >> welcome to my life. that's tomorrow's show. i am hoping to sell a couple things after the show. >> you sell t-shirts? >> i have president different swag. what swag do you have? >> you know, a little, you know. >> lamps made of skin? >> a woopie cushion. a whistle made out of -- >> do you sell cd's? >> yes. >> would it be cool if instead of people buying the cd's if

one person bought it and then lent it and then went to the show? >> they do. >> how much do you lose? >> i lose a lot. has anybody come to my website, it is free. i give it away. >> you sound like a guy at a used car dealership. >> lastly, bill, it is not -- i know you said the bands make their money off the tours. apparently that's not true. that is true for the bigger artist. as the sorry was developing, amy mann and people at that level it is break even or even lose money. they depend on cells to i can ma money. -- to make money. >> okay. they are still having sex with sews see. susie. >> i am done. >> thank you, andy. coming up, a story so mind

blowing if they were a jazz funk come be, you would say wow, h is mind blowing jazz funk. then you ignite yourself and bleed out on the table. look, it is video of college grads. i smell a story about college grads.

does a degree in graphic design lead to the unemployment line? surprisingly, no. that's opposite to yes. americansamericansamericans with arts degrees are satisfied with their education and career experiences. their jobless rate is less than the national average. 80% are pleased with their ability to be creative in what they do. let's discuss this -- >> lightning rooooouuunnnnnddd. lightning round. >> tom, this refutes the idea

that i often propogate that these majors are worthless. >> it does refute the idea. there is an old saying, do what you love and you will never work-a-day in your life. that's true. that's what these people are doing. you know it goes back to bullying? >> really? >> yes. this is the system that has worked for generations. they drive us into the art room and the chorus. we explore the arts to get us away from the bullies. then we exceed and we grow up and have wonderful lives. here i am on television. the bullies are sitting in a bar drinking and work for an investment bank. we always win. we should keep the system as it is and stop trying to stamp out the bully. it is working just fine. >> that is the strangest, but perhaps coherent course. >> look at the study and it says that these people were not performing arts people and they are not singing for a living. they are teaching at the

choir. they might be working as a secretary somewhere or doing this, or doing whatever they are doing and they have a creative outlet. >> you know what keeps them happy? their good looks. this this is in the strategic national alumni. >> the factor is it doesn't matter what you major in. it matters your college graduates uh -- across the board. it lets employers know you can show up and not physically assault palm and satisfy ridiculous certain arbitrary requirements. it makes you a potentially lower level employee for some ridiculous soon to be bankrupt corporation. >> bill, i know you were not listening. you dated an art student in the 1980s. did he seem happy, and a what is he doing now. >> i think he was a she.

that was susie i qas talking about. i went to a performing arts college where i majored in print journalism. they were happy people. from the beginning of the day they were singing the chorus from "cats" and by the end of the day" beauty of the beast" and they were happy, happy, happy. >> very interesting. >> no wonder they call that show glee. it is time to take a break. more stuff is on the way. stick around.

welcome back. a new study concludes moderate drinking in early pregnancy is quite safe. the danish research from the european country and not the pastry suggests consuming one to eight drinks per week is not linked to developmental problems in five-year-olds. drinking more than nine is associated with lower attention span among children and more than 15 means you are my mom. just kidding, mom. tom, didn't we know this already? if you look at people born in the 60s much like you and i, we turned out perfectly

fine -- fine turned out. >> and our parents were having jobing tales. >> always entertaining around the bridge. drinking and smoking. >> and when my wife was pregnant and we wrote go out and even so we felt guilty. i would keep the wine here and she would drink from my glass of the she would go into starbucks and order a black coffee. the baristas would say, you do want de calf? and the my wife said no, i want coffee he was giving me a dirty high. eye. she would go off. it was great. >> when you have kids will you not drink? >> i don't know. if maury search comes out. that used to be the thing you would do if you were out with your girlfriends and the one girl isn't drinking. is she pregnant? now you can't do that. one of my girlfriends took me to dinner and she wanted to

tell me something. you are not pregnant -- oh, you have a -- >> it erases the clue, kevin. how can we tell if this has any affect when all kinked have lower attention spans. >> there was a time when doctors recommended a pint of guinness. and there is a long standing relationship between pregnancy. although it is causal. of all of the things messing with the brain, alcohol in very moderate doses is pretty low on the list compared to things like rampant divorce and illegitimacy and kids have more challenges than mom did at imbued wiser last night. that the budweiser at night. i >>- q. i would be cash dash. >> i would be wasted. before you start talking about bass tared children, know your

audience. i was talking to one of the wives of my three it legitimate daughters, but she was happy to hear about the story until she read it was eight tricks per week. and then -- jay i was so excited when it was eight drinks per day. and then it was still one -- two a day five days a week. thases pretty good. >> don't drink at all and then people will have a couple. >> don't you and dana have a dooring's -- dog in this pony race? >> are you saying the danish give birth to dogs. >> to see clips of recent shows go to fox news.com/red eye.

back to andy levy, the post game wrap up. >> thanks. kevin, in what state might

mitt romney surprise us this fall? >> obama is up in pennsylvania, but i just come from there, and i think there is a chance, but not a huge chance, but a bigger chance than you might think that romney will be competitive in the state. if obama loses pennsylvania he will be in a lot of trouble. >> interesting. >> you can read about it in the next review. >> andy, something fun going on on -- andrea, something fun going on friday morning? >> i get to fill in on "fox and friends." >> fun. tom, do you have anything fun in your life? >> the new live version of nun knee story. of funny story. >> excellent. >> happy birthday, alex. >> back to you. >> anna, bill, kevin, tom, that does it for me. i'm greg gutfeld. great seeing you tonight. now. >> bill: the o'reilly factor is on, tonight. >> we owe it to the family who

has lost a loved one to get to the bottom of this. >> bill: but the president says he will invoke presidential privilege from getting congress pertaining to the fast and furious gun scandal. >> is he either part of it or he is not. >> bill: what a collosal mess. dick morris and i will analyze. >> we became willing to stomach a kind of horrific racial violence in the name of national security. >> bill: nbc news anchor accusing the u.s.a. of racism against muslims in the wake of 9/11. incredible but it's true. >> are you attracted to women with tattoos. >> i think they are sexy. >> i like men that are like no tattoos and got the little tie. >> i should have worn my tie today. >> jesse watters goes into the tattoo nation to find out what the prevailing wisdom is out there. what's up with the economy when are we g