let's welcome our guests. >> she is so hot that wrinkled out of their pants, i'm with nikki glazer. we were short of guests and comedian joe derosa and comedy, cd return of the sun, my favorite cd and bangkok. bill schultz dressed like a little girl. and genius, i wake up every morning, michael lee, actor and writer and comedian. and america you sexy [ bleep ]. anything but cool. >> and the latest in the technology. and all that stuff. who needs bake up tom foolery.

show how you pleasantly greet me every memo. osama, baby mama, obama. >> you were supposed to say obama. dali lama and johnny drama. okay, get him out of here! >> greg: okay. >> that is that. no longer completes him. most did he ranged or perfect couple no more. after five years of marriage, tom cruise and katy holmes filed for divorce. blind citing him. they were releasing a statement, quote, kate has filed for divorce and tom is deeply saddened and concentrating them on three children. you know who else is asking for

privacy? >> greg: come on paparazzi, give him some space. michael, first question, what where were you when you first heard the news, however, did you keep it together? >> i was home and my children come home from cool school. you don't want your children to see you in panic. it was one of the most frightening moments of my adult life. >> greg: the thing is, you raise another important questions. in weeks and months. how do you explain it to them?

tomkat is no more. they don't understand. they don't understand my wife and i relationship because she is a woman. [ laughter ] >> greg: i'm a man. that is confusing enough. >> i have to turn to himself, uncle tom and katie we tell them and aunt katie. somehow we got into something. >> i won't know how to deal with it if i had children. in intense level of nastiness from katy. with tom cruise, what is going on here? >> i don't know. this is upsetting. it seems like with all these stories, most marriages don't work or something. >> greg: i know. what kind of message is sending to all these young newlyweds. >> i'm not sure, king casey. we didn't know.

>> you are single and finally your time? >> she doesn't want to date another guy that is pretending he's not gay. this is three girls. now, they are up to the secret. but did just a musical but the truth is coming soon. >> it's just a joke. and opinion. >> all your legal action toward joe and not to me because that is disgust contingent. i don't think she was happy because tom liked men. but still, try to overlook that shirt which is amazing. >> what do you want from me? >> it's the collar. is the status story in the history of stories? >> yes, it's great to poke fun to the troubles of others. first of all there is

unspecified cleanup. two are worth collectively $275 million. >> he is worth $275 million. [ laughter ] >> thank you for remembering her voice over work puppets in space 1999, look it up. >> i think the real winner is chris cline. >> toss aside for tom cruise. he put in seven years. >> she was dating seven years? >> i melt with katy? >> oh, right, right. >> give these kids some breathing space. they are royalty. america loves them, why is it going. there is nothing royal about

that. >> from divorces to delays, he lost his grip on an ill-fated trip. flight attendant turned onery yelling at passengers and daring them to leave if they had balls to do it. it had been delayed by rain. customers were reckless and here is how they responded. >> i didn't want to say anything once we closed the door and [ bleep ] and [ bleep ]. >> otherwise you are going to have a surprise you. >> have multiple people on the aircraft. we have it on video. >> you have on the video. and boarding and reboarding

before the flight was cancelled. remaining passengers were put in cabs where they were driven to north carolina. one army vet said i've been in five fours this afghanistan and i panicked on tha sitting on that plane and one other thing is claustrophobic cats. [ laughter ] >> greg: you pointed out we can't see how big or how small the box is. >> its gorgeous table by the way >> nicky, is a flight attendant a hero or zero? >> i would love this to happen

on any flight. it was like southwest people telling jokes. i want some expletives it would be awesome. i would have slept through this stuff. i would have said, i'm cold. >> i'm so glad you pointed that out. >> i'm sorry. >> it's just getting worse. >> you bring up a good point. what if you woke up middle of it and somebody in broken english threatening people on a speaker in an airplane. you would have freaked out a lot more than the other customers? >> he didn't mean to say what he said. he was trying to say everybody relax and we're going hand out some peanuts. [ laughter ] >> air travel used to be

glamorous. it used to be -- remember in the '70s? >> no. >> i loved the 70s, greg. >> nicely done. >> and it used to be a glamorous thing to have to be a flight attendant. >> and american airlines would institute a fee for if you don't want your flight attendant to freak out. they charge more per passenger. it's outrageous. >> i don't know if i would pay. that bill you actually were a flight attendant with pan am, what happened to the free spirited person we used to see in the sky? >> i can't tell you. >> and number two, but if you really loved the 'open's, how come you were fired when it ended. did you peek that early. all this knowledge about the

'70s? >> i also love the louie shr thing. i did my homework. i was born in 1991. >> 1991, you look old. [ laughter ] >> you said something i found interesting. [ laughter ] >> the thing about it used to be glamorous and prometheus you have to destroy to rebuild sometimes. the airlines industry has been so cut throat and theefg for so long. there is so much cut threat but now from the inside from the employees. don't you think this may be the collapse of the airline industry that hopefully will let it rise

from the ashes and be a quality thing. >> i have never heard such a perceptive pointed. >> i would like to stop up a will funny. >> we're not saying anybody needs to respond to this but people with cameras you are being watched whether it's a protest. does it make you want to get violent when they are doing this in your face. doesn't it bother you? >> it makes me want to perform. [ laughter ] >> by the way, you know most flight attendants would agree with this. >> there is that. what it's worth the angry or over clever and cufesy ones. >> one is going down a slide and the other is going to threatened you physically. >> from loose it it to other things. and this makes lebron look poor.

they are making a million bucks. celebrity network based the royals sold of pairpt backs, $5.4 million per week. that is why lebron only makes about million per week. so let's go live to redeye book's critic. ♪ ♪ >> good to see your bad, bill. making a rare appearance. >> i believe there are three book offers there. there is joe and michael and

myself. we're really book authors. >> co-author. >> how sad does it make you feel does it make you feel really sad? >> i'm upset of this book has overshadowed the bathroom reader called 50 shades of brown. [ laughter ] >> there was a different place to go with that. >> it was a funny joke. >> and you call it a romance novel. the bondage room, is call the red room of pain. that sounds romantic. that is written on there too.

[ laughter ] >> doesn't need notes. to talk on a talk show and you are still funny. [ laughter ] >> some have notes and they aren't funny. [ laughter ] >> do you have any franchise ideas? >> i have a lot of franchise ideas, one is called 50 shades of brown. >> bathroom reader, 50 shades of brown. >> i get it now, [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] >> nicky, you are woman, i assume you read? >> i haven't read it yet. i watch porn, by porn chris of john meyer. >> that porn. >> and you were to act out the scene while you are reading it,

why? >> thank you for literary and read. i was thinking of this when we saw the screen graph. i have a relative who i will not name. i found the back seat next to the baby seat. i said good lord. i realized, that is female author. i wonder -- then i saw that picture. man, took it all away from me. >> i think she is cute. >> i could look at that picture more than looking at you. >> i'm not selling erotica sir. >> and bill coming to a bookstore to you, hopefully. >> coming up a story so powerful

if they were my quad, those are powerful quads and we could get drinks and you would die under mysterious circumstances. >> alec baldwin like his picture taken? i encourage you to try to it every opportunity.

alec baldwin hates the paparazzi. he lectured a photo journalist and on thursday, the actor wasn't bananas on a camera wielding dude outside his new york city apartment.

never attack a man holding a stuffed bear. in a related story, his brother steven balanced win got his picture at dmv for his new driver's license. do you like to be filmed?

nicky i don't think he liked getting his picture taken? >> he has a temper on him. he called his daughter once a pig and in this guy a little girl. what is wrong with little girl? it's the ultimate insult for him. >> just like my daughter. [ laughter ] >> i can't believe he was attacking you against that man. >> i'm looking at this and -- is this you do everything possible as obscure in your career? how you run from things. rejecting mediocre material. >> i perform bad jokes on stage.

[ laughter ] >> i apologize. >> and 50 shades of grey on me. >> i love what balanced win is doing on this. i -- waldwin like your little brother makes you angry ri so he can tell you. i think all celebrities should give these guys. >> but they watch you to do something stupid. michael after since the fame you got from the expedia commercials you must have to deal with this all the time? >> greg, listen to me. [ laughter ] >> leave me alone.

you don't understand. >> you don't understand the pressure that alec and you are understand. >> gregg: that is closest to physical aggression since i've been in college. everybody saw that. >> that is what i do. >> and look at the cameraman, second move. >> bill you actually hide cameras in men's bathrooms. dou so you understand photo journalism more than anybody? >> i don't like kind of. he was wearing the t-shirt of the show he was on two nights before. he had a late show t-shirt on. i will go through that about a

cotton poly blend that the p.r. department sent us the for. >> and plus, he is carrying a stuffed animal. >> i need to know more about that. who is that for. what kind of weird kinky thing is he in to? it's growing. he has this thing going there. >> do you think it might be horny. >> and if you have a comment e-mail us. my direct line also. still to come, andy levy's report. >> tonight's report is hosted by charmin. thanks charmin. [ male announcer ] if a phone rings at your car insurance company

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welcome back. let's find out if we got anything wrong. for that we go to andy levy. >> how is it going. >> i'm getting the feeling back. >> good. >> there are some scratches and a bruise which i'll be talking to my lawyer after the show. >> make sure you take pictures. >> i don't have to. this act of violence was on film. >> i was provoked. >> provoked by what? by joe's horrible jokes.

>> you dragged me in to this. >> now i won't be a character witness. >> it's probably a good defense. [ laughter ] >> cruising home -- let me ask you a question. you had in story, from cruise's story allowing their privacy and you and your cohorts and talked about it anyway. have you no decency? >> there was a moment of privacy when we went to the animal video. >> no. shame on all of you. [ laughter ] >> you are talking about it right now. >> i am not. i am done talking about it. >> exactly. nice try, not falling for it. [ laughter ] >> andsome why do you attend unusual meetings at night? >> i don't know what means. >> you are free of -- i don't know anything about that. >> michael, did you actually

start chopping onions when your kids came home so you had an excuse? >> i had to. i had to drag them into the onion cellar. >> tell me about more about that onions. >> nicky, i got your reference. who is casey? >> not that one. >> has anybody contacted sander beak, we're being told that nobody can find him. >> he is doing very well. >> i don't know why you have to be mean for no reason. >> he a playing a version of himself ironically, look into it

andy. >> what show is he on? >> i have no idea. >> i don't know. >> okay. bill, you mentioned there is an unspecified prenup. holmes filed for divorce in new york, new york is an equal distribution state. in california is community property state everything is split 50/50. >> they probably have a prenup but some people, some experts that i talked to right before the show tell me that holmes filed in new york because she wants to remain in her new york home. >> the guy that the lamb on h7d 47th is not an expert. no.

>> he is the lamb of god, greg. >> and sources telling tmz that katy filed for divorce because tom would be going deep into the church of scientology. this is her word, as told by a source, i then read off a computer. i really can't be held liable. but apparently they say she is filing for sole legal custody because she doesn't want tom to control decisions related to hits religion. >> and days of thunder -- >> sadly this divorce led to today's bigger tom cruise story, apparently he get bird poop facials. they report, it's news. cruise is a fan of an expensive

treatment that applying it as face mask. do you know where the bird poop comes from? >> bird. it's a bird. >> i thought it was funny. i'm often in the minority. >> with bird poop it's 50 shades of white. >> i just made a note that joe said nothing interest organize funny in the segment. >> oh, well, good to see you again andy. [ laughter ] >> flight attendant goes off after passengers -- here is my theory about that. greg, i can't believe you didn't bring it up. the pills wore off? >> that is always the case. >> after four the pill wore on offed and he snapped. >> that has happened to me. i fall asleep and wake up and the plane hasn't left yet and you think you should have

already landed and you think you have landed. >> you are pissed that you don't have another pill? >> i always have another pill. i keep it in my shoe. >> joe, did you really quote prometheus? >> yes. >> and airlines released from a first class passenger that defended the flight attendant. you side with the flight attendant? it's like punk titan zblik somebody gave me a warm cookie i would defend them to death. >> i notice you did more for one cookie. >> and 50 shades making a million bucks a week. joe, just leave. >> michael, 50 shades of brown

[ bleep ] it was a [ bleep ]. >> sorry nerd. >> you just got me. >> you are the one that quoted prometheus. >> andy, i'll see you outside of this show. you have to walk out of this building sometimes. >> that was from jefferson starship. >> i've had a hard two months. i'm doing my best. [ laughter ] >> alec baldwin, he called his daughter a pig and calling this guy a little girl joe, you said you love that baldwin is doing. i would almost agree with you and object his side. can we show the little clip.

>> he is wearing sandals. men wearing sandals deserve bad things to happen to them. >> when you have abusive husband you insulted, you know, joe. >> but he felt good, you felt thankful and relieved? >> now you love me. >> it was my fault. i fell. [ laughter ] >> greg, you said they tell you when you feel like you are being threatened to cower. who is they? >> the person that is terrorizing me usually. >> she is doing it again. somebody call somebody. >> i don't see anything. did you see anything? >> i don't see nothing. >> nicky, did you see anything?

>> i love this sort of thing. [ laughter ] >> 50 shades of black. >> whoa! >> that is how do you it. first of all you do it on the fly, you don't write it down. you make a reference to someone is on the show not some lame bathroom joke. >> i got to go, greg. >> i'm here to explode. >> no, forget it. >> but first, will you like magic mike? godfather of metal super movies, i think you will.

last week, bill clinton showed up uninvited to a wedding. the former president was staying in resorted in ireland where some couple was tying the knot and he decided to stop by and posed for photos. said the groom, that is one photo that is going into the album, it's a memory that will last forever. clinton kept inquiring about queen. >> lightning round! lightning round. >> you know, nicky, do you think it was a jerk move on his part. when they talk about wedding, the only thing tha the guests remember is this american guy is pinching people's butts? >> i would love clinton to drop in my welding.

the only thing i got her maiden name was seamen. that is all i found. >> i think you just stole joe's next joke. >> i'm tuned out. [ laughter ] >> would you like to crash your wedding if that ever happened? >> i who not like to be here. the guy sitting in that room. how about that. >> thank you. >> the whole crew can come, too. >> and this is mule. >> it's an act i perform. >> make it better for the kids. >> do you think any groom would have the guts to tell him to go -- like to leave? >> the president of the united

states coming to your wedding. >> ask me to reimburse me for the food. >> that is good point. he is free loading. you crashed a turtle wedding at sea world. is what you expect? >> expect there was more media there for the literate will wedding. what better way to celebrate a new union to sit and stand next to somebody what a life history of being with your partner in unification or sort of boldly and only there for the sake of their own careers while he does anything. this is what they have to look forward to in that picture. >> it was a cutout. >> i thought of jimmy carter went to my first wedding. we had a great time. >> worst part of the wedding when he asked the bride for her

phone number. [ laughter ] >> he would not do that. >> 39-year-old british man, says molly cyrus asked for a divorce and paying tribute. seen here as spent $800 on molly cyrus tattoos including six inch and that her agent will hear about him and pass the message. that will make her feel safe. this guy says, if i met her i would die. i would definitely die. does it bother you that i have seven tattoos all over my thigh? >> what bothers me you don't have -- i'm going tattoo those as soon as the cameras go off. >> you described it you might as well do it in front of the

cameras. >> nicky, a real celebrity, should he meet her without any supervisors? >> he is not going to do anything. she makes that decision and i assume that she will at some point. i kind of feel like for him. i would have done this with dave matthews and i'm glad i didn't now. visible tattoos is more disturbing than the swas swastikas. >> joe, you went with a similar phase? >> when the lead singer to become a flight attendant. [ laughter ] >> the humor industry it's

called a call back, a dry call back. i went there with billy ray cyrus. >> ironically, bill, you had tattoos of this british guy all over you. >> he was my inspiration, tattoos is cool. you guys, i have to say one problem, can we see his hands again. is that possible? the guy has small thumbs. so the tattoo, there is no end or beginning because it's weird. think ahead guy. >> coming up -- i have to know the weather patterns. i upgraded to the new sprint direct connect. so i can get three times the coverage. [ chirp ]

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he is awesome. male stripper starring matthew. they called it. -- and "time magazine" something we totally masturbate,

too. how should women to get their boy friends to see this with them. >> i was into boogie nights. that is pretty good. i don't know. wait. how should girls get guys to see this? >> they shouldn't bother. i think they'll see it. what is interesting about, male stripers, i just don't care. and their stories are not interesting. like a hole in soul and they were touched. >> and how you lost your virginity. >> you were weird talking about mack image mike. >> they were picking up the guy scene at the end. >> i don't remember that. >> and roller skates. >> what a topic we're working

on. chaning or team not? >> i don't know. i'll go to the movie and make my decision. i'm going to go to laugh at their bodies and this is really stupid. this is ridiculous. [ laughter ] i probably will see it four or five times to laugh at it. exactly. you should go to off hour times. >> and what is jealousy? >> it's not like matthew made tons of movies all the time. >> a lot of my friends don't believe in it. >> and i tell how awesome it would be. a i strip for them and they don't want to see anymore. >> as a former stripper, what do you look for coming to judging the films authenticity. that is important? >> cowboy hats, vests and no

shirts. this is fact. we were talking about in the green room. but apparently, this every single scene in the movie is not wearing one shirt except for one where he is in the gym. this was the role he was born to play. it will be amazing. >> i see hundreds of thousands of articles within by young female journalists about this movie. probably in the "new york post". >> i already starting some things. >> what about that? >> that was a better joke. >> at least you admit it. >> you wait for better jokes.

>> ahead of my time. >> and we'll be back with andy levy. back in a second.

this weekend, 2:00 a.m. eastern time, brand-new redeye returns on monday. >> andy levy. >> sanity 1:00 a.m. and not 11:00 a.m. and magic mike, how is your book doing? >> it's the best selling book of all time. >> excellent. >> nicky, upcoming gig? >> i will be at the south denver comedy store. >> joe, that thing ever happen or no? >> you are doing the plug.

thank you. my current web series can be seen on website, what are we waiting for. next two episodes are coming out bed rook, one is called overrated and one is called bad date and they come out july and august. i'll be at comedy club in western new york on the weekend of july 13th. >> thank you andy. >> a little hiccup there. >> thank you very much. you hotter me and i won't forgive you for that. i'm greg gutfeld. the o'reilly factor is on. tonight. >> you will not see your taxes go up. >> you will not see one dime's worth of tax increase. >> ruling that the mandate was a tax. >> the mandate is a tax.

>> the republican national committee is responsible for the content of this advertising. >> republicans pound the drum on the obama care tax. could the supreme court's decision on healthcare actually end up helping mitt romney take the white house? we'll have a special report. we are going to bring up a repeal vote on wednesday july 11 to make sure that we continue to focus on what it is that the american people want. >> republicans also vowing to repeal obama care while democrats say that is a gop fantasy. who is right on that one? we'll have no spin analysis. a new poll reveals who americans want in the white house in the event of an alien invasion. we're not kidding. we'll show you the results. >> can't we all just get along? >> caution, you are are about to enter the no