>> greg: i did. at 11:00. >> dana: you are 11:30 a.m., you are 11:00 p.m. >> andrea: plug this welcome to "red eye." em greg gutfeld or as i am known in dc, the belt way butcher. now to andy levy for a pre game report. what is coming up on tonight's show? >> our top story, could a drug make sleep optional? my brain does that on its own. stupid brain. and michael hastings says being this the presence of president obama makes reporters swoon. the shocking story that is probably the least shocking story ever. and finally should hollywood stop its acting agenda, but anne hath away is nominated for a horrible movie that they can't deal with the story right now. greg? >> thanks, andy.

>> what does that mean? >> you will find it. >> let's welcome our guest. she is so hot she works weekends as a -- at a tanning booth. she is the reporter for the fox affiliate kttv in l.a. must be nice. your life is over. and he burps thumbtacks. it is chris baron dressing like a hockey player. he has two fingers. and in italy he is considered a hot plate. it is my sidekick, bill schulz. and if hilarity was the electric slide my family did him in the 90s. good to see you with your coller. and he is the big old fake who needs to jump in a lake. he is blah, blah, blah, blah, pinch. >> blah. >> today in dining he discusses the finely aged

gorgonzola. give it a try, gorgonzola. >> lady gaga. >> no, gorgonzola. >> yo-gaba-gaba. >> one more time. >> good ay glitter. >> get him out of here. >> a block. the lede. that's the first story. >> we dial things back now and it is only going to be on fridays. >> that was a special pinch. that's what that was. >> still, one day too much. maybe one fray day a month. >> how about saturdays? >> wait, we don't have a show on saturdays. >> exactly. will life be a bore if you sleep no more? a drying used to -- a drug used to treat narcolepsy has gotten some press after claiming to make sleep unnecessary. let me repeat that.

take one and all you will need is one a night. it comes from uppers like speed. but is skipping bedtime a boom? will not having so sleep mean working longer hours? will it double after the amount of time you have to stay interesting to your partner? tell me about it. will the bars ever close? i hope not. the drug has been tested on parrakeets that it may make them more parrakeety. >> unbelievable. >> is there anything that drug can't do? how would this drug make your life better? and i'm assuming it would since you are at a very low

point right now. >> thanks for bringing that up, greg. >> somebody had to. we read the papers. >> i am dead inside. sleep, no sleep. i am a morning reporter, so i only get two hours of sleep on average. >> you are sad when you report? >> yes, i am quite sad. i am sad all the time. no, i am excited for sleep in a way that i can't describe. not being able to sleep sounds awful to me. in fact, i am always looking for excuses to ambien myself in everyday activities. this is not something i would be interested in. >> so you would sleep anywhere? >> sleeping right now. >> yes, good choice of words. >> nick, welcome back to the show. it has been almost four years. >> yes, it has. >> and glad to see you look exactly how you did when you left.

>> like steve mariucci. >> when did that happen? >> you look like that guy in "shark tank" but without the billions. >> i think i know what you are talking about. >> do we need this drug if we already 1r oval teen? >> i only get two hours. my wife snores like a pirates. she is 5 foot 6 and 110 pounds. it is like, like that. >> there is no rhythm, is there? you don't know when it will be loud or soft. >> i pinch her nose and standing on her neck with my timber lands , sleeping in other women's weds. beds. but you only need a drug to stay awake for 23 hours, 22 hours? first of all change the name so a stripper can pronounce it. i can snort it off a mirror in

a green room of a comedy club i am all for it. >> how will this pill enhance your nightlife. and this is a family show you heathen. >> i actually don't want the pill. it has been treated to use narcolepsy. i want narcolepsy. >> you do? >> i want the ability to go to bed on command. >> do you have a problem? >>- q. i well i have to sleep more. >> you are about 50, right? >> shut the hell up. you know i am turning 40 this year. >> you are turning 40? >> thanks. >> vow no longer one of the young guys. you are one of the old guys squiring the young guys. >> i am an old guy squiring another old guy. >> you can squire bill around. >> you are trying to make him cry. >> i am an angry, sad man. >> if you take this drug, won't the other drugs you take get gel jealous?

do you ever worry about it hurting the cocaine running through your brain? >> it will be the battle of bill's brain. >> this is not good and i would never take it. you are missing the best part. who wants to be in real awful, horrible life particularly this time of year. in sleep world i am a cowboy. in sleep world i am an astronaut. in sleep world i am an astronaut sometimes dating the cowboy. >> who is the chick? who is the chick? >> played by none other the delightful -- >> rosa parks. >> i knew you didn't know any women. >> that's a girl. i think she did something important. >> you didn't have it on the tip of your tongue. >> i have dated people with boobs. >> no you haven't. >> i promise. >> i met people on the business of undetermining gender.

rosa parks fought for that. >> you didn't have a name and i got you. >> i bought roses at a park. >> sleep is the number one thing i think about, but i want to be able to experience sleep. do you know what i mean? i look forward to sleep, but when you fall uh slipe you aren't experiencing it because you are unconscious. there has to be a way to allow you to watch yourself sleep. >> greg we know you discovered that. it is called percocet. >> that allows you to lie there for hours and say this is great, but it is not sleeping. >> so if i film myself sleeping perhaps that would be a solution. drugs are our space program. we no longer go to mars. we have to go to these tiny little planets. >> called? >> called pills. this is what matters to everybody on this planet. we should be encouraging this. >> if pills are planet then lauren's desk is an as straw

logical chart. it has the whole milky way scattered across. >> he is still yakking. >> he needs to stay up five or six days and he was like a genius. he balances his heroin with his coke. and apparently he could do it. >> we have this drug. it is called meth. as long as you are okay with losing your teeth. >> we are a family show here, lauren. i know you live in l.a. where hookers run the -- >> oh, okay, yay coke, but with meth i crossed the line. >> illegal drugs are bad. farm suit will cays when used to help make people's lives better it is the space program. that's the point i am making. we should push our pharmaceutical industry the further it should go. >> i also heard you say

ecstasy is for marriages in trouble. >> as a matter of fact i was talking about the origins of ecstasy were used in marriage counseling in the early 1970s before it was made illegal. they would take a person involved in like a poor marriage in a day and ecstasy would help them. my point being if you make drugs like lsd and cocaine, if you demon thighs -- demonize the immorality. >> blew my mind. >> you are going to waste ecstasy on your wife. stuck on the street with your wife? >> i have a very, very important point to make. >> you urinated all over it.

>> you have to stop demonizing the the inert substances. they all have a positive affect and that's why they are legal. >> all of the stuff they have outlawed -- >> has an actual affect. the stuff you buy in drugstores are legal because they don't have an affect. asprin works, but nothing will happen. if something has an affect on you, that's why they are legal. if you took that and mod due lated the substances, people can improve their lives and make people smarter. people are doing this -- you have many people using aderole because they want to get a job done. was that directed at you? >> i thought so. i sound so much like my pharmacist right now. >> i like how you use the siping giew lar. >> really? you sound like my dealer.

>> why aren't substances that are generally organic -- >> like mushrooms? >> mush m rues could be tested and used to help people. >> the reason it is called coca-cola is because at the turn of the century it was made with black tar heroin. >> hence the word coca-cola. >> this is why my philosophies will never gain ground. >> what greg is trying to say if you have a problem with your marriage smoke crack with your partner. that was the point. all substances whether they are plastic and chemical they are inert. you put them through a study and find out they have an at trough beaut to help somebody. >> you want to talk about bath salts? the autopsy never had bath

salts. the bath salts is a description for a cheap mess. that was in order to bring it to market. it is not actually stuff you buy it back and beyond. >> you don't have to tell me. that's a mistake i will ever make again. >> i can hear tv's being turned off. >> this is a problem though. you can never de criminalize certain sub stan -- the substances if people don't understand they have a benefit and scientists know that. >> not every substance has a benefit. >> i argue. every substance -- poison. >> poison, poison. >> cream cheese. >> take poison. what are women at talk shows

hooting into their faces? >> that is a poison. >> john carey doing his forehead. >> he has that classic head. it looks like it belongs on money. >> if you looked at -- it is botulism toxin that is used for women. >> that's a good point. >> we put the stuff you used to grout your bathroom tile in our breasts. >> who were? >> we were. silicone. >> don't say we. you will get internet rumors. those bad boys are real, america. >> i don't know highway you can confirm that. >> remember when you fell asleep. >> joan rivers is in a bathroom with a can of mushroom soup that expired 20 years ago. >> does that work? >> from sleep less to shame

less, do they lose their fire when they say the mes sigh ahar. michael hastings if that is his real name covered the obama campaign and what he has to say about his colleagues and himself is opposite of flatters. y here he is talking to a critical teacher. >> the presence of obama when they are near him they lose their mind. they start behaving in ways that are niewf -- juvenile and amateurish. >> he admits he was as bad as the rest. writing, quote, we were deeply obsessed with obama. still a little love there. this was nerd heaven. i am getting hot. shaking our hands and slapping our shoulders. i believe we have a campaign video of reporters hearing

about an obama press event from last fall. >> you were giggling in a weird way. nick, when conservatives say this is how the press treats obama they get mocked. but here is a liberal finally admitting it is true. do we win some kind of an award, a trophy perhaps? >> it is the obama press corp. remember how we used to say that. >> yes. >> what i did want to say? >> this is important to me y. trying to get people into the comedy club tomorrow night. they said the press corp acts different and how is it different than the regular media.

now you -- >> now you are coming with them. the mainstream media is as bad as the press core. they look like the chicks. >> you have a liberal admitting it so it is over. >> i'm sure the press treated george bush the exact same way. i think this book should be called confessions of a beta mail. -- beta male. >> who reacts like this? and this is after the election. before the election absolutely not. in fact any talk was crazy right wing conspiracy. i'm sure greer was the one leading the charge. now you can say there is no repercussions. they can all come out and throw themselves on the sword

and report we so wonderful? >> lauren, what does it say about the state of journalism that, a, this is how the press treats the politician and b you are allowed to be a reporter? >> no, we are completely screwed . my point is this, you show me a republican president who can sing a pan tee dropping version of the al greene song. >> who is the dude who sang it in the press conference? >> the older guy. the older guy. andy will know. >> >> pat buchanan. >> no. >> helen thomas.

>> andy, you know what i am talking about. >>- q. i are you talking a gurn -- are you talking about a journalist. >> talk. come on. the guy that sang at a press conference. i think it was the bush administration, right? >> lee at water? >>leeiacoca. >> he said "where eagles dare" and he came and sang it? >> somebody in the bush administration. >> you guys are laughing. wait until half time. and having parents sent to an asylum. does the state department want to help you date? yes.

is the heartbreak a matter for the state? the u.s. government has released tips for identifying dating scams. among them from the state department, the scammer asks for money to get out of a bad situation or to provide a service. photographs that the scammer shows of him or herself. i have done that. the scammer gets into bad lug and -- bad luck. it is what happened to bill in real life. our nation's cautionary tale of manti is shedding more light on his plight. the line backer said he learned his fake girlfriend was voiced by a woman and the

mastermind of the hoax admitted to such. on thursday katie couric played some of the voicemails from te'o's personal sweetheart. >> you provided us with some voicemail messages. let's listen to one and on what she said was her first day of chemo. >> i just want you to know i got here and president whatted to keep you posted. and wanted to keep you posted. i miss you. i love you. bye. >> it sounded like a man to me. let's hear another. >> here is an emotional one she left accusing you -- she was angry at you. she is accusing you of having someone else in your room. let's listen to that. >> i don't know who answered your phone and i don't care. i swear on my life i'm trying. you made it clear what you want. take care.

also, bill schulz sucks. >> no. >> that seemed totally necessary. the new york post reports that she was voiced by a female cousin. lauren, the state department thing getting involved, that has to hurt your business. >> i happen to be the fake girlfriend of tens of people on the internet. i am not there yet, greg. i am they nervous they are cracking down on this. it is good we nipped this terrorism thing. >> now we are focusing on imaginary girlfriends. did you learn anything from this? >> the state department got involved. maybe we send it out of our house and blow it out of the water.

>> you have a scary man. >> this is is a town and a family that is effing with him. >> i say i have leukemia. >> nobody has focused on this so harshly. shouldn't we teachers and classes for lonely people so this does president -- doesn't happen? >> no. when he was growing up there wasn't warning labels on everything. the stupid kid would wanted to swallow marbles didn't have more idiot children who swallowed marbles. we don't need to pro toact these people from fake girlfriends. >> you believe in evolution and natural sletion. >> social darwinism. >> look, manti te'o is -- pretend we believe his story.

>> i believe half of it. >> he is the most emotionally retarded person on the planet. he does not need to be playing professional football. >> bill had an on-line relationship with what turned out to be a raccoon. i don't know how the raccoon -- >> it turned out to be. i didn't know it officially. the great thing -- it is three years strong and congratulations. >> here is the thing about raccoons and versus actual men? men wear emotional ones. i always knew where rocky was coming from. rocky might have gone through my garbage, but he wasn't full of garbage. >> i am going to disagree with you. i think he is a young inexperienced kid and he was talken and embarrassed, but i don't think he created this

hoax. i think he deserves a second chance. call me manti. manti was the name of something i invented a few years ago. and needless to say the police were called every time. >> they never take pair tours. >> when you wearing a man tie always have a safe word. e mile-an-hour us. do you have a video of your animal doing something is it click on submit a video. still to come, the half time report from andy levy. he has no friends. >> tonight is sponsored by snowplows. it is used to clear the roadway from sidewalks and parking lots and more. thanks, snowplow.

we are back. let's find out if we tbot anything wrong so far. let's go to tv's johnny cash. >> how are you? >> i have a suggestion, greg. >> yes? >> we have pinch every february 29th. >> but that's a leap year. >> wait a minute. >> but that's a leap year. >> that's something bobbie brady would say. >> and then we hope that at least the next february 2

fineth is a saturday -- february 29th is a saturday. >> but we don't have a show on saturday. >> if we did there would be a fire. >> i would burn. >> exactly. >> a doctor making sleep optional. lauren you said not being able to sleep is awful. you are always looking forward to ambien pretty much anywhere. i don't know if 20 minutes before the show is a good idea. >> i thought this was working out well. i might not be able to remember it tomorrow. nick you said your wife snores like a pirate. has she been checked for apnea? >> we have the mask, but haven't plugged it in yet. >> i don't know what that means. >> andy wears the hask. >> note yet. >> i thought you got the

mask. >> i go in on tuesday. you never listen to me, greg. >> you will look like a fighter pilot at breakfast. >> i am told it is amazingly sexy. >> your poor cats will be scared. >> i am told biden nighs hopper it is amazingly sexy. >> chris you said you want narcolepsy because you want to go to sleep on command. you know that's not what narcolepsy is,. >> isn't that when you sleep with dead people? oh, got you. >> i heard. >> bill, i can't believe i have to say this, rosa parks did not do that to help you. >> did you get that on kick -- wikipedia?

he was a bad intern. >> frankly i think he was illegal. you said farm suit will cays are not good? >> in this climate illegal drugs you don't know what you are getting and you don't know what quantity you are getting is what i am saying. say you take an illegal drug if it was legalized and done as a pharmaceutical that's how you no i you are getting. >> the farm suit will cay companies never screw anything up. >> pharmaceutical companies spent -- spend will billions of dollars on research drug dealers don't. >> we trust more. >> that's why you are wearing that silly outfit. >> everyone is calling this a wonder drug, but we have to hold off.

there is no long-term side affects. we don't know that. and second of all, the people who make this drug, they don't know why it works. >> a lot of people don't know. a lot of people don't know why asprin works. >> it doesn't. >> but nobody knows. asprin is tree bark. nobody knows why it works. you look at viagra. that is a side affect. >> that doesn't work either. >> who are you trying with. >> i was looking at my wife's face there. >> i don't disagree with what you are saying. as one example it had no affect on dopamine levels. the study does increase dopamine tables. everybody is calling it a wonder descrug with to side affects.

>> the media likes using the word under grued which is why are doing this story. >> this is the avenue of research and the only way to improve people's lives is by testing substances and not calling them legal or illegal. >> i agree with you. >> why are we having this discussion? >> talking about drugs or immigrants? >> lug drugs. >> awful man. author, you can't tell me if you can stay awake or live on two hours of sleep, that can't be good for you physically. it can't. >> look at you you. >> thank you. on the other happened it means a higher rate for us of let's do this. >> lauren, it is cute you call your doctor your farm -- pharmacist. it is a cute name. thanks for ruining it. >> 2012 campaign reporter

swooned. when you were you can taying about a supporter talking about the bush administration did you meat john ashcroft and you you let the eagle war? >> i operate on 13% of information. if i get the whole thing right it is cool. >> you could get that up to 14 and 15%. >> i am going to wait for further research. >> anybody want to sing a few bars? >> that's a movie by the way. >> did you ever play? >> you are like, he dares you. generally i dare him to pick up a squirrel. >> euphemism. the thing is they cheat and don't come back. don't dare an eagle anything.

they leave and you are just sitting there sobbing and -- >> holding a squirm. >> there is no squirrel. >> i keep tell them play blackjack. you have a fighting chance, eagle. >> i am going to wait for this to peter out. >> don't we have footage? >> you and me both. >> well i was going to make a serious point, but it is pointless. >> michael hastings is an investigative journalist and he has done some good work and investigated some things and journalists did other things, but he doesn't seem embarrassed by this. >> neb did. >> but how can you be an investigative journalist when you admit you asked obama a

soft question because we were overcome when we met him. >> you might want to say he is doing investigation on himself. >> i might not say that. >> i just gave you the same option. >> i was guilty of the same thing. >> never mind. >> anyway. now we have some kind of a song. >> ♪ it is good to let the mighty eagles sore once more ♪ ♪ let the eagles sore ♪ like she's never soared -- sored before ♪ >> yes, one of the greatest things ever. >> turns out he was

lip-syncing. >> did he record that like a week beforehand? >> by the way, he now plays in a jug band in brooklyn. jay it is -- >> it is an electro band. >>- q. i it is being remade. and it will be great. by the way it is called ashcroft. by the way, people at home were watching this and they were saying greg was right and everyone on the set was wrong. i hope i hope he has got his vindication. we are heros. all of us a hero. a zero. coming up i guess it would be nice if i could touch your body. i know not everybody has got a body like you. not a story just splg brett wear -- something brett beir

sent over. this just in, the new report. >> all right people named nacho.

if fans are more sober is the ball that super? the big game as i like to call it is next week and san francisco officials want to keep the peace. the 49ers beat their opponent the peacocks. the giants won the world series and post game celebrations included bonfires in the streets and broken windows and 30 sick sick -- 36 arrests and a sneaker covered in peanut butter. it was worth it because i like my peanut butter. the mayor is looking for ways to avoid a repeat and is repping bars serve only zima and chamomile tea. they should celebrate with

something else. the uh knee bree yags helps with those who might go beyond the bounds accept ability in their celebration. discuss that the -- discuss the this -- >> lightning rooooouuuunnnddd. lightning round. >> lauren, you are a drunk who likes sports. this must anger you like a drunk sports fan would be angered by. >> i am at hooligan levels. >> what if they want to serve something other than alcohol? >> i don't know. this is information you would have found in your packet. apparently you were too busy doing other things. >> like being a journalist. coming up with solutions. >> and not reading the source packet. >> i can't take you by your word. jay it is san francisco.

-- >> it is san francisco. >> were you clop bow and finding the answers, this woman makes me sick. you are a sports person, i believe. here is the thing, why are they worried. it is hard to turnover a cable car. >> the rational is he was concerned about small business being damaged. they over regulate the hell out of small businesses. and it is a place where people were protesting the right to show their junk in public. but you can't have a beard in the super bowl. >> and you are talking about public nudity. they were happy about it until the guy got ugly. i said you are a smart guy. >> that's why the 49ers should lose. >> i am more interested in the guys that discovered gold.

>> after these sporting events why is that excused? >> the mayor doesn't have the balls. >> phil his daughter is going there. >> rubber bullets. >> it doesn't kill people. jay stay with -- >> day with me. rubber bullets. they hurt. a lot of the scott down. you are in san francisco, less whisk key. >> i don't even know what it means. shard nay is not a bad idea. >> should we put our money on the baltimore mud heads ? >> the baltimore mud heads are better when. they were named the mud hence.

>> i am offending you? >> i guess i should exit this segment before something else happens. remember to buy "joy of hate" it is a new york times best seller. go to any bookstore and open it on amazon.com.

it is award season again. every year i honor my house boys in categories like fewest run away attempts, but hollywood is doing its thing too. some are wondering if giving out oscars by gender is stupid. with one op writer calling the separate by equal awards that divide the actors into one camp or another is outdated. it is not like it is upper body strength. actually the acting m why into is. >> lauren, you have been covering awards for the last 30 years. who hits on you? >> mostly anne hath away. >> what got you? >> like an award winner?

>> he would always wear the gloves. >> james franciscos. >> i don't want to make it a gender thing. >> dead baby. >> what was the question? >> i don't know you have run out of time. >> it would be cool to see helen miran. >> that's a new one. >> this is a great joke interruptiing me with that. you can answer it anyway in your silly penguin outfit. >> if we are getting rid of genders can we get rid of the wnba this i am for that. >> we can't have the single genders. >> here is the thing though, it means less categories and that is a problem for stroking

the egos of hollywood because everybody wants to win. >> they are always slapping each other and saying good job. the tiers time a -- the woman beats a man out. >> what happens when hillary swanke plays boy again and is not given anything for it. >> last time i didn't have a chance. >> what about the set? can you key -- keannu reeves with a straight face? >> we are really close. >> like i said, my prernl trainer is very personal. we will close things up with a wrap up. fox news.com/red eye. there is my -- there is me in a collar.

watch on saturday, 11:00 p.m. eastern. you have to watch it. if you do it may stay there. 8:00 p.m. pacific and a new "red eye" on monday. >> right, andy this if they watch it tomorrow at 11:00 p.m., it may stay at 11:00 p.m. >> it may. >> nick, where are you going to be this weekend? >> in long island. it is tonight actually. >> you are playing tonight? okay. this is tonight. >> shut up. lauren pod cast. quick. >> i have a pod cast y'all. it is on fox news radio.com. >> that hurts. >> quickly how do you describe the nhl lockout. >> by trying to inned foo people talking about hockey and i found them. illegal curve.com in win that you peg