>> you know, finally they're hiring people of colour and asians for movies. >> but i'm not asian enough where it can help me. now you know. well, how asian are you.7 well, know. well, how asian are you? well, mother is filipino . well, my mother is filipino. your mother. well, my mother is filipino. youso|other. 50% asian? yes >> so you're 50% asian? yes because i'm trying to get at a proper balance. you know your quota show and you're quota in the show and you're helping, but not a lot. >> yeah, the only real >> the only. yeah, the only real benefit asian is. benefit i get from asian is. well all my eyebrows fell out for one. so i have that and some other genitalia issues. but other genitalia issues. but other than that and not not in a beneficial way. >> all right. you silly man, you know all about america. america show business in hollywood. >> yes . well, i don't know all, >> yes. well, i don't know all, but i know a few things. >> you've been been around a long time. you've done movies. you don't you do a stand up, right? >> yes. it's been it's been a fun experience. the best thing, though , are the people that you though, are the people that you meet like yourself and the people that you look up to. and you you have opportunities to work with some actors. and sometimes you get a strange phone call. so would you like to

go to the czech republic do phone call. so would you like to grmoviea czech republic do phone call. so would you like to grmovie with ch republic do phone call. so would you like to grmovie with ch repllandau do phone call. so would you like to grmovie with ch repllandau ?do phone call. so would you like to grmovie with ch repllandau ? and a movie with martin landau? and the next thing you know, you're in prague and with the food very lovely nice place. lovely people and nice place. but terrible. but the food was terrible. unless you goose . yes. unless you like goose. yes. >> love goose . it's the >> oh, i love goose. it's the only reason to go to prague for the architecture . the architecture. >> you only get to keep the stories because you know, the money know , women go, money goes, you know, women go, money goes, you know, women go, money goes, you know, women go, money goes with the women, you know, houses go with the women as they go. and uh, the fame can go as they go. and uh, the fame can 9° up as they go. and uh, the fame can go up and down, whatever. but you get to keep the stories. oh, so that's it. so martin was out one night, and he was talking about acting, and he said and he was an acting teacher in 1961. he said the thing about acting, he said, you have to find it, express it, and suppress it . you express it, and suppress it. you can't tell people nakedly what you want. it has to be filtered . you want. it has to be filtered. and maybe once in a film you could do this. and i found fascinating . so i wrote it down. fascinating. so i wrote it down. the next morning comes into the we're both hung over and he

comes into the makeup trailer, says, what did i say to you last night? it was the actual perfect summation of acting i've ever heard. course i've ever heard. and of course i've ever heard, he says. and said, and heard, he says. and he said, and i the beer card. i i still had the beer card. and i said, find it. express it, suppress it. he said, oh, i thought it was better that thought it was better than that because he was the guy. martin landau in north by northwest, stepping on the hand of cary grant. >> cary grant at the top of mount rushmore. >> yeah. marty was saying, after working a few weeks with hitchcock and eva marie , saint hitchcock and eva marie, saint james mason and cary grant, he finally got the gumption to go. so hitch, what was it about me that you saw that broadway play that you saw that broadway play that made you decide to give me the part for this? this role in hitchcock said , well, i thought hitchcock said, well, i thought you make an excellent homosexual . oh, oh. so know so i loved

about hitchcock , you know, is about hitchcock, you know, is that he was regard as a very order ornery director. >> people thought he was good. nothing wrong with him, but nothing special about him. and then francois truffaut , a great then francois truffaut, a great french director , wrote a book french director, wrote a book about him saying how good he was. and then everybody realised he was a genius. but what i loved about him was he was he was so simple for him. i mean, somebody said to him once a journalist said , how long mr journalist said, how long mr hitchcock , can you hold a screen hitchcock, can you hold a screen kiss? and hitchcock said, that all depends whether i can put a bomb under the bed first. why do you play happy music at the start of all your movies ? he start of all your movies? he says, because people get anxious when it stops. there's something so simple about his thinking, you know? yeah, but it's very effective. >> well , it's also effective. >> well, it's also a effective. >> well , it's also a different >> well, it's also a different time where you could set a mood. yeah and like, you know, in fish called wanda. do you also set

that mood for quite a while . you that mood for quite a while. you had a confidence about that where you didn't feel you had to tell a joke or even get think about the joke for about an extraordinary amount of time today. >> absolutely f absolutely >> you're absolutely right. and it's somebody once said it's because somebody once said many, years ago, they said, many, many years ago, they said, if you're doing a farce, you should have no laughs in the first 20 minutes. it should all be absolutely dead serious . but be absolutely dead serious. but if you do that, people get uncomfortable , bill. so you have uncomfortable, bill. so you have to put a few little jokes in with the main if you're doing that kind of farcical comedy right at the start, you've got to make absolutely sure that all the premises, all the fundamental ideas of the movie are established. then you are established. and then you can run because you never have to establish anything else again . so nothing ever holds up the pace. so suddenly a description of the plot in the middle or explanation that's really good. that kills it. >> a furious it was >> it did have a furious it was it did have furious pace to it it did have a furious pace to it after a while you just it just runs and that was the so you try

to get to that point where the audience is just rolling, laughing. that's what the point is. >> it's wonderful if you can once you get the audience laughing, it's easier to keep them laughing than it is to make them laughing than it is to make them laugh. in the first place. >> that's an interesting thing . >> that's an interesting thing. >> that's an interesting thing. >> you know, we killed a man. did tell you that? no. kevin did i tell you that? no. kevin klein killed a man klein and i killed a man in denmark. was dentist, but denmark. he was a dentist, but he had a he had a huge laugh. a famous laugh. very popular. was in aukus . not famous laugh. very popular. was in aukus. not a big town. but everybody knew him. and he went to see wanda and he started laughing about two minutes in and never stopped. they carried him out dead. he had a heart attack and i told kevin this and kevin said , exactly which scene . kevin said, exactly which scene. i do love. >> that was it the 730 show or the 930? it is a different time

now where you have to feel like brando taught one acting class in in los angeles in the early 90s, and he came dressed as a woman. and my friend john lovitz was there. and i said, you have to tell me about that. and he said, why didn't you? i would have loved to have come that. have loved to have come to that. and said, well, jon and he said, well, as jon lovitz, lovitz, who also lovitz, jon lovitz, who also talks like this, says, talks like this, and he says, well, in and marlon well, he came in and marlon started talking and he said, you have the audience a have to give the audience a reason to stop eating their popcorn . he said, isn't that popcorn. he said, isn't that a good no , john, you have to give good no, john, you have to give the audience , you got to do the audience, you got to do something, something crazy so that they can just go and stop and today i think it's you have to give the audience a reason to stop looking at their phone. yeah, yeah. they're so addicted . yeah, yeah. they're so addicted. >> ever performed in dubai? >> you ever performed in dubai? >> you ever performed in dubai? >> no . >> no. >> no. >> oh, it's very strange because you look at the audience and you only see the top of their heads because you're doing this. i know. i never seen that before. is it multitasking? is it a multitasking? >> listening because >> so they are listening because they did come to the show and

they did come to the show and they did come to the show and they did pay no, i think they just came to the show to say they'd show and they they'd been to the show and they were some were getting on with some important business. the important business. was that the second show or first show? second show or the first show? first because i do think first show? because i do think that, did see louis ck. that, like i did see louis ck. on a sunday and the audience was as fabulously alive and electric and everything . and then and it and everything. and then and it was one of the, you know, a brilliant show as he is brilliant show as he is brilliant and then i came back monday and i and it was great but not quite as good. and i said i said, amazing show, but not like last night. and he said, i know i knew that was going to happen because the fans will come to that first show because they get the tickets and then it's gone. and then the other who come go, they other people who come go, they heard it, or it'll heard about it, or maybe it'll be idea and thought be a good idea to go and thought those are the guys on their phone. yeah, you know. >> yeah, that's right. but the great shows is great thing about stage shows is you well great thing about stage shows is you would well great thing about stage shows is you would think well great thing about stage shows is you would think so, well great thing about stage shows is you would think so, but well great thing about stage shows is you would think so, but there's. >> to be a very >> i found it to be a very unique thing recently that has happenedin unique thing recently that has happened in the past, whether it was with lenny bruce or or in

the 60s or and i remember , you the 60s or and i remember, you know, the screamer comedian sam kinison and sam kinison , who kinison and sam kinison, who would have a very unique way of delivering lines by screaming at the audience, you know, like and he had an idea about like these people starving in africa . yeah. people starving in africa. yeah. and he said, i've got an idea . and he said, i've got an idea. move to where the food is and he just hadn't seen anybody at a full out screaming at an audience . audience. >> it's interesting how the idea of stand up grew because because when i was young there was no stand up. well there wasn't. >> and as a matter of fact, jerry seinfeld said this thing, which i agree with. he said, in 1975, there were 40 comedians and eight of them were good. in 1985, there were 4000 comedians and eight of them were good. and i think it's true, he told me

not to go to the universities. >> i got an early an early warning of that. he said, don't go because they're looking to be offended . offended. >> and chris rock said that to me as well as well. and we just you don't go to those anymore. so i do think , though, i've had so i do think, though, i've had people come to show that i people come to the show that i think specifically want like what sam kinison i saw people who had paid to see him. yeah. to get walk out to get up and walk out hahahahaha as if to make a statement . really? yeah. statement. really? yeah. >> i thought the whole point of that was that if they, if they hate you, they don't buy tickets. so the audience is priscilla pected to like what you do. so i think so have people walking out but i think you do though. >> i think in the 1970s a very interesting feature for society and for individual communication between people and friends was don't be so uptight and just just don't be so uptight and now it's how uptight can you get? i think you can get more uptight.

i think you should be offended by because i am. you're by that because i am. you're not. offended that you're not. i'm offended that you're offended. offended that offended. i'm offended that you're offended. that i'm you're not offended. that i'm offended that you're not offended. do offended. you know, and i do think in play and think that that is in play and i don't know where it's going to go.the don't know where it's going to go. the interesting thing is in the old days, you offended people on the right . people on the right. >> yes, right. >> yes, right. >> absolutely. >> absolutely. >> so the old sort of soldiers and all those kind of people or the ones who were very, very hostile in their kind of orient. yes. they were the ones who walked out. i remember peter cook telling me when he had a club here called the established orient and he was doing a show, one day and he finally made a joke about cancer. and there was a table and the man had up joke about cancer. and there was a ta said,1d the man had up joke about cancer. and there was a ta said, right, man had up joke about cancer. and there was a ta said, right, that'siad up joke about cancer. and there was a ta said, right, that's it. up and said, right, that's it. cancer out. everyone and their family all laughed like that. cancer out. everyone and their famileel laughed like that. cancer out. everyone and their familee wasrghed like that. cancer out. everyone and their familee was waiting> i think that you have the offence to be honest. think offence to be honest. i think it's like they're both at their extremes back to back thinking and being the same way. whether it's the left, you're and it's the left, you're here and they're complaining about

something not too far something and it's not too far removed right on this removed from the right on this side complaining. they are removed from the right on this side to nplaining. they are removed from the right on this side to nplai|and they are removed from the right on this side to nplai|and complaining. back to back and complaining. but i do think left is it's but i do think the left is it's coming from a place of it's an intolerance, but it's dressed up as manners. yes it's certainly intolerant because what i what i think i don't understand about them is why do they have genuine do they have a sense of humour? i think so . do they have a sense of humour? i think so. but do they have a sense of humour? i think so . but i think it's i think so. but i think it's intellectualised to where they they can't they they can't find themselves laughing. it has to be okayed because it could look badly upon them if they did laugh. >> yeah. >> yeah. >> there is a certain kind of well as, as our good friend andrew doyle talks about it there's this this certain righteousness about it that it has to be and it's a you know, it is very much a fundamentalist form of thinking. it's a closed system of thought. that's right. if you if you step outside of that, then you're a heretic and you're you're outside the system . and so i think that they

desperately want to be in in that ideology, no matter how crazy it gets, no matter how lunacy it gets. >> and it starts off with a very good idea. yes which is let's be kind to people , right? right. kind to people, right? right. >> well, yes. and well , as >> well, yes. and well, as a matter of fact, i mean, who wouldn't want to be anti—fascist 7 wouldn't want to be anti—fascist ? i mean, they sort of dress it up nicely. don't you up nicely. don't they? so you don't be an who don't want to be an anti who is an fascist? anti an anti fascist? i'm anti fascist. who who's for hitler? i mean, who was , you know, and who mean, who was, you know, and who isn't. you're absolutely. isn't. yeah you're absolutely. and you know, the woke idea and who it seems like it's social justice who's against are you against social justice. no i'm not. why would i be? but it's interesting because for someone who's of mixed race, i think , who's of mixed race, i think, well, how if i my white part suppressing my asian part , how suppressing my asian part, how much and where, you know, there's two types of teasing. >> there's nasty teasing and then there's affectionate teasing like you and me, when we see each other, it's a barrage

of insults and it's a kind of compliment because what i'm saying to you is, you know, that i love you so i can say these terrible things to you, it's terrible things to you, but it's proof that you because proof that i love you because i'd them you i i'd never say them to you if i didn't. right? rude . didn't. right? be rude. >> it would be. and as a matter of that kind of of fact, it's that kind of affection that says i. i trust you. and i trust you that i can be me and that there's no harm, intentions , there's nothing intentions, there's nothing harm, intent. but i like with my wife, who's mexican, i can tell the audience jokes. and sometimes cause they get so concerned that it it's as if they need to protect these all mexicans who can't fend for themselves. yes, they are. they're so weak. that's right . they're so weak. that's right. >> you know, because i sometimes do jokes. i do jokes about the french. why do the french have so many civil wars? it's so they can win one now and again. how many men does it take to defend pans? many men does it take to defend paris? we don't know. it's never been tried . how can you tell been tried. how can you tell that a bulgarian plane has

landed at the airport because it has hair under both wings? everyone is laughing, you know, and she's the point is, we don't mean we hate them, right? we just making jokes. >> there used to be books at dalton, bookstores . those old dalton, bookstores. those old bookstores in. that was a chain in the states. and there was a rack right by the cash register with polish jokes, italian jokes , you know, and then it just it was something you can just laugh at my joke with my wife is my wife's mexican. and, you know, i talk about how we moved to arizona to be slightly freer than it was in california. and then. >> what do you mean, cheaper? >> what do you mean, cheaper? >> yeah , yeah. free for the >> yeah, yeah. free for the wallet. and then so my wife. are you happy now? we're in the desert. are you happy? she said there's cactus in the backyard and coyote not the kind that brought me to this country ehhen brought me to this country either. real coyotes that eat your pets . right? and then. and your pets. right? and then. and then i say this joke, and sometimes it gets a sometimes they're uncomfortable. i said, my wife first week. it's a my wife the first week. it's a

true my week, true story. my first week, my wife, were in arizona. she wife, we were in arizona. she got stung by a scorpion . i said, got stung by a scorpion. i said, but luckily she's mexican in the scorpion. mean do you mean by that? the scorpion was throwing up for hours . a scorpion . take up for hours. a scorpion. take the scorpion to the hospital, get a stomach pumped, and he would not come back to the house. had the whole place house. so we had the whole place sprayed for mexicans .

on gb news the people's channel. britain's news. channel >> you could be offended about anything. >> of course you could . but the >> of course you could. but the people, the people with the sense of humour have a kind of sense of humour have a kind of sense of humour have a kind of sense of proportion. yeah and they also understand context best. for example , in, let's say best. for example, in, let's say , a fish called wanda , there you , a fish called wanda, there you have dogs being killed . yes. you have dogs being killed. yes. you remember one is run over and one is the other big dog eats it.

and then another one gets flattened by a huge concrete block. and there are the audience, because they sit there , that is hysteria screaming funny , screaming, funny, killing funny, screaming, funny, killing dogs. funny, screaming, funny, killing dogs . yes. so because the dogs. yes. so because the context . but we're not really context. but we're not really killing dogs. but it's the idea . killing dogs. but it's the idea. >> that's the idea. but it's also you have this wonderful technique which is you are also you're not just seeing the killing of dogs. you're seeing the result of a person's reaction to the killing of dogs. that's right. now, that's what we laugh at. >> that's right. you know, the other reason i got away with it was that the dogs were yorkshire terriers. . terriers. if. i >> if you had killed me killing german shepherds or golden retrievers not be here today . retrievers not be here today. >> a beautiful golden retriever just yelping. but you're right. there's something killable about those dogs , isn't it? it's the those dogs, isn't it? it's the happiness of them. that's it. yeah but you're right, though.

it is. that that intangible. like what can. it's making that choice to have the small dogs and the little lady. those little choices are critical because. but but how do you. the thing about it is like it's part of it's instinctual. like oh, that would be funny. but then you have to also sit back, calm down have the presence of down and have the presence of mind those critical mind to make those critical decisions . and you've been able decisions. and you've been able to do that. i spent about ten days. >> i got the idea for that. michael palin killed these dogs and i took about ten days. i'm not kidding you. when we get away with it . yeah. you know, away with it. yeah. you know, and one day, right at the beginning , and one day, right at the beginning, charlie and one day, right at the beginning , charlie crichton, beginning, charlie crichton, this old guy , he was this wonderful old guy, he was 77 the shooting of the 77 during the shooting of the film. had a black sense of film. he had a black sense of humour and he actually got a bucket of innards from the local butcher . and at one point he got butcher. and at one point he got this little flattened raffia dog and put . this little flattened raffia dog and put. gizzards, this little flattened raffia dog and put . gizzards, kidneys , eyes and put. gizzards, kidneys, eyes and put. gizzards, kidneys, eyes and blood all round it. and it

was a disaster because the most moment that the audience was roaring with laughter at the dog being run over. and then you cut to this and then you stopped immediately because suddenly it was a real dead dog. yes. and you can't laugh at that, but you can idea of like can laugh at the idea of it like when you watch a tom and jerry, the cat is run over by a steamroller. people don't the cat is run over by a steamroller . people don't say, the cat is run over by a steamroller. people don't say, i can't laugh at that because how how that poor cat must be suffering, know. right yeah. suffering, you know. right yeah. so can get the context right so you can get the context right when it strikes me with a lot of people they don't people that they don't understand that context understand that the context matters, is why they don't matters, which is why they don't understand well but the understand irony. well but the idea is to surprise the audience and them and get them to. >> but have to be >> but they have to be a co—conspirator. have to go co—conspirator. they have to go on. they have to be like, well, like i remember going back to martin landau. says, you martin landau. he says, if you do too if you to do too much, if you start to reveal much, audience reveal too much, the audience backs away because they have to do they have to do do that part. they have to do their if you make a joke too >> and if you make a joke too obvious. yeah. and they see it coming then don't laugh so coming, then they don't laugh so much. you surprise them much. but if you surprise them because have a

because they have to make a little jump their little jump in their understanding, get the understanding, then you get the big bucks. >> there was a movie. well >> there was a my movie. well you couldn't put it in the same conversation as a fish called wanda. but in deuce bigalow the thing it made me laugh much thing it made me laugh so much was who goes into the was a guy who goes into the bathroom. he's washing his hands. there's always a bathroom attendant, you know, which i always find a very odd job to go. like, you know, you. you know to do one day? know what i want to do one day? i what do. i can work i know what i can do. i can work in a men's urinal. that's what i can and i'll get tips can do. and i'll get tips and it'll and there'll be it'll be fun and there'll be mints be little things mints and it'll be little things that know, they're that can put, you know, they're going to have and chicklets. going to have gum and chicklets. and got it. where do and i've got it. so where do i go for that? so i go go to school for that? so i go to wash hands and there's no to wash my hands and there's no there's the guy stands there, there's a the guy stands there, puts the soap, you and puts the soap, you know, and he turns. on faucet turns. he turns on the faucet for oh yeah. they for you, you know. oh yeah. they turn the faucet. they give turn on the faucet. they give you the soap, you're washing the hands, the hands, you know, and then the next then he gives next thing. so and then he gives you towel. and i just you the towel. and i just thought be fun if i turn to thought it'd be fun if i turn to go after all that, to go, you know, dad, i've got a question. and thought you and i just thought and then you ad lib that. >> no, >> no, no, no. >> that was. it in the

script. >> in the script. that's very good. >> and then you you have a scene with the dad getting and with the dad getting advice and then of course, very then you have, of course, very much you know, mind much like you know, in my mind i was thinking of, well, in the cheese have the, cheese shop scene, you have the, the player. it'sjust the harp, the player. it's just it's just another thing to annoy the audience annoy and the audience and annoy him. and they get to see how annoyed you the audience and annoy him. and thejaset to see how annoyed you the audience and annoy him. and thejaset to stuff how annoyed you the audience and annoy him. and thejaset to stuff horgoineged you the audience and annoy him. and thejaset to stuff horgoing onj you are as this stuff is going on and you know are as this stuff is going on ardoesn't you know are as this stuff is going on ardoesn't bother you know are as this stuff is going on ardoesn't bother you, you know are as this stuff is going on ardoesn't bother you, then> and then but it's still there and they well it must be for some reason but then they do forget about it. they the harp must be there for some reason. but then they forget about it. and thing know it's and the next thing you know it's there. it's like, oh, there. and so it's like, oh, it's so they it's another slap. so that they don't hard, isn't it? because >> it's hard, isn't it? because iused >> it's hard, isn't it? because i used when i was younger, i used to laugh till it hurt. yeah. you know, you remember that when you're 15 or 16, you laugh . you know, i had that laugh. you know, i had that recently watching the coronation

on. seriously what struck you? >> so watch it. >> so watch it. >> my wife was there as she always watches television in bed with lots of cats around. and she said , come on in. and i came she said, come on in. and i came in and i, i sort of lay on the bed a bit like this and watched the television from not very, very close . and suddenly very close. and suddenly i thought it was a python sketch. people all in very silly costumes . yeah. and thinking costumes. yeah. and thinking something serious. costumes. yeah. and thinking something serious . yeah. i something serious. yeah. i laughed till i heard. i thought it hadn't . i hadn't done that it hadn't. i hadn't done that for about 30 years. i'm glad that i wasn't actually in the cathedral. you could , as the cathedral. you could, as the next person come . next person come. >> ah , well, it's the hats and >> ah, well, it's the hats and it's . and it's very silly for it's. and it's very silly for a man in the 70s who's wearing a giant, frantic popcorn. it looks like a popcorn in a jewelled popcorn cup . popcorn cup. >> it's so funny. is it? and of course, again, i mean, some people were very touched by it and bless them because they

think of the tradition and all that. and they're naughty. people like me just think it's funny. that's one of the dangers, isn't it? if you've got a sense of humour, you know. >> well, you have at any time you could look at something and find it funny and something out of the ordinary . and certainly of the ordinary. and certainly something that other people don't find funny is a wonderful thing when you are not allowed to laugh . to laugh. >> oh, like it's the sweetest laughter of all, isn't it? in church ? yes, in church. i had church? yes, in church. i had a friend , all right. a dear man no friend, all right. a dear man no longer with us. nicky henson and he and his mother were going to a funeral and. and she arrived with a brightly coloured hat, and he said, why are you wearing that? and she said, well, he said, it's all flowers. it's all wrong. and she said, well, i'm going on to wedding . and he going on to a wedding. and he said, take it off. take it off. and they put it in. they headed in vestibule, and in the vestibule, you know, and the they saw the hat the next time they saw the hat is when the coffin came down. the aisle. the hat was . that's

the aisle. the hat was. that's wonderful . they could they wonderful. they could they couldn't say could we just stop it for a moment? >> but it's it was wonderful moments. but the sweetest laughter is when you're not supposed to. >> and that's why it's so funny on stage. farage when something goes completely wrong and you're not supposed to break up. no, you're not supposed to. >> but the idea , the of the >> but the idea, the of the audience being in conspiratorial on some kind of accident is wonderful . but you can't give on some kind of accident is wonderful. but you can't give in to it. you can't enjoy yourself more. i don't like people laughing at themselves when they're on stage . it does they're on stage. it does happen. oh yeah. >> shouldn't . yeah. >> and it shouldn't. yeah. no, it . it shouldn't. >> you can't be enjoying it more than the audience. >> no, but you're right. there's a moment when the audience has got to make a slight jump before they and if you they get the joke. and if you don't let them make the jump, if you if you spell out too you if you spell it out too much, you see what's coming. then don't laugh and all then they don't laugh and all the people who write about humour about

humour never write about about timing. right right. exactly. because they care about content, but not about timing, which means you can destroy anything by that . by that. >> yes, you can. you can look at anything. cheese. >> that's right. oh, yeah . >> that's right. oh, yeah. >> that's right. oh, yeah. >> can you imagine hearing different cheeses and that that's what we were. that's what we had to live through for several minutes hearing different thought different cheeses. who thought that was funny. and you can you could go, this is could read that and go, this is awful. then you see that the awful. but then you see that the sketch and it's well, when, when we writing it, cold we were writing it, i had cold feet . feet. >> well i mean, we knew what it was about. we knew he goes in and he asks for sure and he just it was something my father noticed, which was they never say don't have that. there's say we don't have that. there's always excuse . you know, they always an excuse. you know, they don't don't have that. don't say we don't have that. you they say we don't have you know, they say we don't have it on a thursday , you know, or it on a thursday, you know, or the broke down or the cat the van broke down or the cat that sort of thing. >> we can't have it today having all names of cheeses and all these names of cheeses and then coming up with the responses and i kept saying to chapman, is this funny ?

chapman, is this funny? >> and goes, oh, it's funny. let's go on a bit more. and i'd say , well, this is funny. i'll say, well, this is funny. i'll supply that four times. and he just said, it's funny. it's funny. and then we had a script meeting and we all sat around the table. frightening. read it out . out. >> that's the most frightening part of performing for other performers. >> terrible for especially comedians . comedians. >> oh, because they can love it. >> oh, because they can love it. >> writers . >> writers. >> writers. >> oh, it's the worst. so it was it didn't go very well for about the first 30s. >> it was complete silence. and i thought i was right. chapman was wrong. oh, god , this is was wrong. oh, god, this is embarrassing. and then i heard giggling in my michael payton and he completely lost it. i've never seen him laugh like that. he laughed so much. he fell on the floor. he was lying on the floor. he looked at chapman , floor. he looked at chapman, said, you were right. yeah >> you know the thing sometimes it's wonderful to get out to get

those wonderful giggles like adam sandler and robert smigel on saturday night live. they came up to me. it was about 2:00 in the morning, you know. you know, after a while when you're the structure side of your brain gets tired and then you get goofy. it's a short before goofy. it's a short time before the structural to stop the structural side to stop that. stop silly . and that. stop being silly. and it comes especially late comes back especially late at night morning night or early in the morning when creative brain your when your creative brain your your your right brain right side of your brain is just playful and having fun before you've had coffee and the structural side to break up. so this is one of those times where it was very silly they came in with this silly and they came in with this script on saturday night live , script on saturday night live, the sketch they couldn't the sketch that they couldn't talk anymore. they were like , talk anymore. they were like, they literally just handed it to me and they were just giggling and falling on the floor. and i read it right front of them. read it right in front of them. and was about these italian and it was about these italian waiters at a restaurant that and it was about these italian waiter sandler staurant that and it was about these italian waiter sandler and rant that and it was about these italian waiter sandler and int that and it was about these italian waiter sandler and int thiour adam sandler and i took our girlfriends to. he just took it because they very kissy because they were very kissy with an affectionate, overly with our an affectionate, overly affectionate with our girlfriends. bellissima

bellissima bellissima , bellissima bellissima, bellissima bellissima, bellissima bellissima, bellissima bellissima , oh, bellissima bellissima, oh, belly, belly . and so they wrote belly, belly. and so they wrote this extension where eventually one of the waiters has a dana carvey has victoria jackson , and carvey has victoria jackson, and they're having sex on one of the tables. but you see it, you kind of see, you know, but her legs are up in the air. i read this and i they they weren't sure ehhen and i they they weren't sure either, but they but then they saw me laughing so hard, i fell on floor laughing, and on to the floor laughing, and they we got it. and that they said, we got it. and that was a wonderful. and an was a wonderful. and we had an actress, , who actress, kirstie alley, who played the and she was just. yeah, had such yeah, but she had such a wonderful sense of humour and i would use not you don't hear the word broad anymore. >> no it's a shame isn't it. it's a good old slang word. it was for like a tougher woman who was for like a tougher woman who was like one of one of the guys. >> a broad, a broad. and she was a broad. yeah. so that was a lovely. and and you remember those ones when you're scared.

go on. well, you remember the ones where you're scared. maybe this isn't funny. oh, maybe all the time . the time. >> i still can't tell if i don't think i can write something that i think is funny that will get no response. yeah, but i can't tell whether it will get a bigger a small response. i just know it will be a bit funny, but it might be hugely funny and you never know until you get in front the audience you don't front of the audience you don't know. >> and actually should never >> and actually you should never try before that, i find try it out. before that, i find you mean, well, don't tell your wife joke before you try it wife the joke before you try it on because then, like on stage, because then, like i found myself with a joke that i just thought could be great and itold just thought could be great and i told my. i just thought could be great and itold my. i said i just thought could be great and i told my. i said i couldn't wait to get it on stage. and i told my wife and she didn't laugh. and never did the joke. laugh. and i never did the joke. so maybe i lost complete so maybe i just lost complete confidence you can confidence in you and you can lose confidence like that. >> you know, i always think how terrible it must be being a sportsman. yeah you know, and you miss an open goal or something like that, or you blow your service game and an more important match, miss a free

important match, you miss a free throw. so yeah, it's so throw. so yeah, right. it's so awful , that feeling. and that's awful, that feeling. and that's why we talk about dying . actors why we talk about dying. actors don't die comedic villains die because the feeling when you tell a joke and you get nothing is camilla. my daughter says it's like being a matador. and i said , would you talk about said, would you talk about talking about it? she said, you get such an immediate response . get such an immediate response. >> she's brilliant. yeah, that is her material is brilliant. >> rob , can you help me ? >> rob, can you help me? >> rob, can you help me? >> yes, sir. »- >> yes, sir. >> can you take me back to america with you? yeah >> well, i see. i don't know if we can fit in my bag, but. well, i'll see what i can do. >> what is going on? >> what is going on? >> it's okay. i just wanted >> no, it's okay. i just wanted to see if rob wanted something else to drink .

>> rob, i want to ask you because you go out there on new stand up all the time, what effect is woke having on you? the woke principles of being so careful about everything. >> yes . well, it it's been >> yes. well, it it's been a nice conversation, but i don't think i can talk. i don't want to get in trouble. i don't want to get in trouble. i don't want to keep my. no, it's why why do we get in trouble if we disagree with them? >> is a group of people >> there is a group of people and there's not as many of them as you think, but they what as you think, but they have what they a few people they do is there's a few people that to self righteousness. >> they're are so pure in their thinking they would never deign to laugh at something that was that, that they thought was making fun of people they think are inferior to them. they would never want to do that because they are here and they're so they are here and they're so they they feel the people they're protecting these inferiors. >> oh, so protection of other

groups becomes condescending. i think . think. >> i think so, yeah, absolutely . >> i think so, yeah, absolutely. i think it's true. and but it's also a thing of a weird form of elitism. i think there's always a sneaky thing of i am better than you. i have i have higher thinking than you. i laugh more things that don't. you know. >> but it's purity. purity when people think they're pure . and people think they're pure. and don't forget, that was a problem with the nazis. when they think that they're pure, then they kind of can't admit to any negative emotions in themselves, which is what i'm fortunate human beings have all the time . human beings have all the time. but because they can't add up , but because they can't add up, admit to their own , what they do admit to their own, what they do is denial and projection. you know this, carl jung's idea that they they deny the emotions in themselves . they haven't gone themselves. they haven't gone away. so they start seeing them in other people. so if they're very aggressive, but they can't admit their aggression to themselves, they see the aggression in the other people which then justifies them being

aggressive towards the aggressive towards the aggressive people over there . wow. >> no, no. >> no, no. >> that makes it's an old principle . if you go back to principle. if you go back to this fellow with the same initials as me , jesus christ, he initials as me, jesus christ, he he tells the mote and beam thing, you know, why are you worried about the speck of dust in someone else's eye when you've got a beam in your own eye so that denial and projection is been going on for 2000 years. i do think it's this one seems like it's here to stay for a while. >> i do think it's unfortunate because what it does is it it the most dangerous form of censorship is self censorship. so it causes people to restrain what they think . and i think what they think. and i think that's not we want everybody to we want the best ideas from everyone . yeah. and i think when everyone. yeah. and i think when you silence people and they're in fear of you , anytime there's in fear of you, anytime there's they got fear in any agenda. and

i think this woke agenda is to scare people they seem a bit bit what's the word totalitarian don't they. >> yeah you know it is it's a closed system of thought. >> well, fundamentally ism, which means this is the way the world is and that's the way it is. and that's the i want to is. and that's the way i want to keep so don't you challenge keep it. so don't you challenge it for me. >> i want say sometimes that >> i want to say sometimes that people who don't have much of a sense of humour should not be in charge of deciding what people with a sense of humour can enjoy i >> -- >> yeah, it's the context and it has to also do with the is there any real mal intent? are you there to hurt anybody ? and if there to hurt anybody? and if you're not, i think it's all open. you're not, i think it's all open . yeah. if you know that i open. yeah. if you know that i don't have a bad bone in my body. if you sense that , then if body. if you sense that, then if i say horrible things , there's a i say horrible things, there's a chance that you can laugh at it without worrying about it. >> because there's obviously not serious. yeah, but i think they have a great deal of difficulty with that. you know, it's funny,

there's a difference between solemn and seriousness . solemn solemn and seriousness. solemn and serious. yeah. and one is a solemn, as knows , smiling. you solemn, as knows, smiling. you know what i mean ? at know what i mean? at coronations, you don't put whoopee cushions around them, you know, you just treat the whole thing solemn . are you whole thing solemn. are you serious? like you and me now? it's a serious conversation, but we're laughing a lot and they cannot understand . and you can cannot understand. and you can laugh and be serious at the same time, right? >> that's a lovely way to say. you're being very kind. i do think that it's also a way to just crush dissent by, i think, the political nature of it is anyone who disagrees with we can not only not laugh at it, we can destroy their career and know because they it's like a brownie point for them. if they can take something and say, wow, we hurt that guy, we got his. yeah, we found something ten years ago. my found something ten years ago. my interesting thing is what they're doing now is they're running out of people to cancel. so they're cancelling dead people . the what you mean? well,

people. the what you mean? well, they'll find something. john wayne said in 1972 at a graduation ceremony at usc . and graduation ceremony at usc. and they go, he's here's what john wayne said. i mean, that's that's you have people, bloggers. it's not the news anymore. it's somebody going, i can make $50 if i sell this article to buzz or whatever. and so you have a kind of a race to the bottom. and who can destroy what and who gets a little brownie point. and it's just a it is about that warm glow of satisfaction . i've heard someone satisfaction. i've heard someone yeah that is a mouth really put them in their place because there's such bad people. >> yes but don't hate them. i'm doing it for their own good. you know . and also the idea that you know. and also the idea that you have to protect other people for example, i have a mexican joke , example, i have a mexican joke, which i like, but what i like about it is that it's not putting the mexicans down. it's kind of it's a cheery joke . you kind of it's a cheery joke. you know, it's a gulf of mexico , a know, it's a gulf of mexico, a boat , a naval boat, know, it's a gulf of mexico, a boat, a naval boat, us naval boat, a naval boat, us naval boat. boat, a naval boat, us naval boat . and they they well,

boat. and they they well, they're just going around. what's what is that over there? it's little mexicans rowing like hell towards america. so they they say, hey , guys, what's they say, hey, guys, what's happening in the mexican? i can't do the, the mexicans say we're invading america . see what we're invading america. see what just the two of you. and he said, oh, no, we're the last ones. the others are already there . now, that's a friendly there. now, that's a friendly joke . it's saying, good for joke. it's saying, good for them. and everybody can relate to the mexicans . these are great to the mexicans. these are great people. they have a sense of humour. yes and there's no idea of stereotyping . you know, of stereotyping. you know, there's a very good scottish joke, which is to the taxes collided in aberdeen 35 people injured . that's right. now, if injured. that's right. now, if you tell that joke about cambodians . oh, yeah, you see cambodians. oh, yeah, you see what i mean? or if you say man walks into a bar and he says, the barman, have you heard the latest irish story? and the

barman says, i, shivani am irish himself. he says, all right, i'll tell it slowly . you if you i'll tell it slowly. you if you now say a man walks into a bar, right, and says, and have you heard the latest joke about stupid people? and the barman says, i should tell you i'm very stupid . and he says, i'll tell stupid. and he says, i'll tell it slowly. it doesn't work . you it slowly. it doesn't work. you gotta have stereotypes . the gotta have stereotypes. the humour doesn't mean you take them seriously. right? well with them seriously. right? well with the french there is a race to see who could be most uptight about everything thing. and it's like the definition of the scottish presbyterian. you know, this . no, no. scottish presbyterian. you know, this. no, no. it's a man who has a nasty suspicion that somebody somewhere is enjoying themselves . right >> there is a sort of thing about a party where, like these other people can't have fun, that i can't enjoy , so i'm going that i can't enjoy, so i'm going to stop the party. >> that's right. >> that's right. >> now, you can't laugh at that because i didn't find it funny.

not only do i not find it funny, you shouldn't find it funny. that's right . that's just that's right. that's just another. >> i you something wrong. >> i tell you something wrong. whenever live whenever you're performing live on there's one person on stage, if there's one person in the audience , i am always in in the audience, i am always in the front row. >> but why do i why do we focus on that guy and not on other people? >> that's the way we are. we want him to laugh and it becomes a personal battle . there was a a personal battle. there was a guy trying to get a smile out of the there was a sold out show in boston at the beautiful wilbur theatre, and i had a couple of comedians and we were all performed they they went on performed and they they went on before and they yeah, before me and they said, yeah, the great audience . the great audience. >> there's a guy the front >> there's a guy in the front row not smiling at all. and then >> there's a guy in the front row second iling at all. and then >> there's a guy in the front row second iling you ll. and then >> there's a guy in the front row second iling you know,i then >> there's a guy in the front row second iling you know, is1en >> there's a guy in the front row second iling you know, is so the second guy, you know, is so how was it? he said, oh, that great. there's in the great. there's a guy in the front he's not smiling at front row. he's not smiling at all. and so and i out and all. and so and i went out and of my eye goes right to of course my eye goes right to him. he was he paid a lot, him. and he was he paid a lot, you know , a good amount of money you know, a good amount of money to the show. but to come see the show. but he wasn't laffer the only thing

wasn't a laffer the only thing he would give me was this. he would like that's as far as he could go. >> one was driving me mad in a in a performance and i went up to him just at the end of the first half. i said, why don't you leave now ? he said, what? you leave now? he said, what? i said, you're having a terrible time. i don't want to give you a terrible time. i'll a refund the ticket and you can go and have a nice rest of the evening. and he stayed . stayed. >> yeah. well, did he did he laugh more or. or sometimes people don't laugh. >> then he tried to smile a bit because it wasn't aggressive. yeah it was just he didn't think anything was funny. and the strange thing is, when i show a clip , use a strange thing is, when i show a clip, use a bit of light coming from the screen and you can look at the people the first three at the people in the first three rows. what is so surprising is how different their reaction . how different their reaction. yeah, there's always some people really laughing. some were laughing a bit, some are laughing a bit, some are laughing slightly. laughing a bit, some are laughing slightly . yeah. you laughing slightly. yeah. you know, 1 or 2 people smiling and then there's always that one

person. but it's lovely. >> it's lovely that there's what people decide to laugh out loud and what what. it's lovely that it influences them. what somebody else is laughing at. it's a lovely community. >> well, that's why i think people always think that the response is more what's the word? predictable all than you think. but really watching the front row, you realise how different they are. but i began to realise how important laughing is in the last few years and i'll tell you why. because i did a film festive in sarajevo for four years. sarajevo for four years. sarajevo had serbian people up in the lobbing shells in on this city. snipers, snipers was up there shooting people, crossing there shooting people, crossing the street for years and the eu did nothing. and it was very touching when i was there they were telling me about it and i said, how did you manage? and they told me an extraordinary

thing. they said, well, we found it underground car park and we converted it into a cinema and we showed comedy films . it's we showed comedy films. it's really is he a lot of monty python because they love it. bosnia and they said what was extraordinary was that after we'd been there and laughed for an hour and a half, we came out and we felt better for nothing had changed. it was as awful as it had been when they'd gone in, but they felt better. and there's something about laughter that has this wonderful effect moving people to a sort of more positive part of their mind. >> they have absolutely . >> they have absolutely. laughter gives you the potential to reset. oh so you can come back to this place of not, and then you can decide what you get upset about and what you want to. what are you going to choose to. what are you going to choose to let bother you? it comes so and people one of the interesting things it, you

interesting things about it, you say humanity and individualism of the of the of everyone . you of the of the of everyone. you ask them are you a good cook in some they'll say, well you know, maybe not really or sometimes i cook. i have one thing you cook. i have one good thing you have do you play piano cook. i have one good thing you have well, do you play piano cook. i have one good thing you have well, you)o you play piano cook. i have one good thing you have well, you know, play piano cook. i have one good thing you have well, you know, ilay piano cook. i have one good thing you have well, you know, i can piano ? well, well, you know, i can a little bit, but not really. i don't play at all. but do you have a good sense of humour? i have a good sense of humour? i have an amazing sense of humour, of course. best sense of course. i have the best sense of course. i have the best sense of humour. have. but not of humour. i have. but not everybody good everybody clears. he has a good sense humour. there is sense of humour. so there is that identification. >> but very that >> but it's very sad. sad that they because they're they don't because they're missing a whole aspect of life. but sometimes it can come to them. >> that's why sometimes in your life you don't have a sense of humour and sometimes you can come back and there's sometimes people are so traumatised that they can't get there. but humour, if they . that's why the humour, if they. that's why the audience going back to what we talked about, the audience has to do their job. they have to be to do theirjob. they have to be willing as well. yeah willing to come as well. yeah and do they can and if they do then they can have of themselves for a have get out of themselves for a while. that's what the while. and that's what it's the greatest is when you can

greatest thing is when you can you movie or something you leave a movie or something and who are or and you forget who you are or where what country where you are, what country you're in or what. just for you're in or what. and just for that because you've got that moment, because you've got to escape and escaping with laughter is the best escape. you know , i suddenly realised about know, i suddenly realised about ten years ago that making people laugh is kind of doing more than just them laugh, because just making them laugh, because when say, you know, do a when people say, you know, do a comic con or something like that and people say thanks for making me laugh all these years , 70 me laugh all these years, 70 year olds, there's a tear. >> yeah. you know, and women say something different. they say , something different. they say, thanks for helping to form my sense of humour , which is sense of humour, which is a lovely, beautiful . lovely, beautiful. >> but you did. you did with me. >> but you did. you did with me. >> yeah. yeah. and then some others say thank you for helping me through some of the difficult periods. yeah and you suddenly realise that if people laugh , it realise that if people laugh, it helps. it's not just entertainment. >> it is a form is a form of hugging, a genuine form of hugging, a genuine form of hugging without touching ,

hugging without touching, because you have that connection with the other person laughing. the beautiful thing is, and i'm sure this has happened to you because when somebody comes up and said, my mother and you said, my mother and i watched we shared watched that movie and we shared those laughter i'll never those laughter and i'll never forget now my mom is forget that. and now my mom is gone. i like, whoa , gone. and i was like, whoa, that's the part that, like, when people you that that's people tell you that that's a beautiful, special experience that together that they went through together is all our is amazing because all our intention was just to make them laugh. that's right. >> and tom stoppard, a great playwright, said a beautiful playwright, he said a beautiful thing. he said the shortest distance between two people is a laugh . laugh. >> oh, that's beautiful. >> oh, that's beautiful. >> isn't that lovely? >> isn't that lovely? >> yeah, that's perfect .

and . do.

next time on the dinosaur. >> our . >> our. oh i'd never heard a bomb go off before i went to belfast . belfast. >> i could hardly spell kalash nikov. i didn't know what what that word meant. and here was i thrown into this situation . thrown into this situation. >> we were one of the most , >> we were one of the most, possibly the most progressive , possibly the most progressive, racially tolerant countries in the world. >> one other question will you shut up? yes yes. you can ask me anything i've always wanted to say that someone

>> it's 10:00 >> it's10:00 on television, on radio and online in in the united kingdom and across the world. this is mark dolan tonight in my take a ten. the supreme court have made a supreme mess by blocking the rwanda plan . when did policing rwanda plan. when did policing our borders become so controversial ? also, as civil controversial? also, as civil servants are given the go ahead to work from the beach, you heard me right. has the public sector in this country finally lost the plot? i'll be asking former government minister ann widdecombe and as the chancellor prepares his autumn budget statement this week , i'll be statement this week, i'll be asking ann, can britain afford tax cuts ? plus, tomorrow's tax cuts? plus, tomorrow's newspaper , front pages and live newspaper, front pages and live reaction in the studio from tonight's top pundits. so a packed show, lots to get through . there's a bit of competition tonight , but . there's a bit of competition tonight, but i've got a . there's a bit of competition tonight , but i've got a secret tonight, but i've got a secret weapon. fine add out after the news headlines with tatiana sanchez.

news headlines with tatiana sanchez . mark thank you very sanchez. mark thank you very much and good evening. >> this is the latest from the newsroom. the israeli military has video footage of has released video footage of what say are being what they say are hostages being kept in al—shifa hospital . the kept in al—shifa hospital. the idf alleges hamas have hostages trapped inside and that a captive soldier had been executed. they say one hostage is from nepal, one is from thailand . they say they were thailand. they say they were allegedly taken from israel on the 7th of october as well. it comes as israel's ambassador to the us earlier told abc news he's hopeful a significant number of hostages will be released in the coming days. more than 200 were taken by hamas on the 7th of october. so far, four have been released , far, four have been released, while the israeli military has also released footage of what it says shows a 55 metre long terror tunnel ten metres deep underneath al—shifa hospital in gaza. it says the footage clearly proves that numerous buildings in the hospital's complex are used by hamas as

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