been lewis mckenzie for >> i've been lewis mckenzie for the very latest gb news direct to your smartphone . sign up to to your smartphone. sign up to news alerts by scanning the qr code, or go to gbnews.com forward slash alerts . forward slash alerts. >> thank you lewis. hello and welcome to headliners. it's your first look at saturday's top news stories with three comedians and one of them, leo carson. tonight i'm joined by josh howie and bruce devlin. how the devlin are you.7 >> the devlin are you? >> i'm all right. how are you? >> i'm all right. how are you? >> yeah. not bad. >> yeah. not bad. >> how are you doing? how are you doing? i can't believe you missed that out. >> and that's just bringing back my childhood at school. did you. did you have an enjoyable childhood at school? no. right. that explains it. >> yes. i was massively bullied. >> yes. i was massively bullied. >> and then i became a comedian. yeah. isn't that how it works? >> you became a comedian. >> you became a comedian. >> why were you bullied? were you >> why were you bullied? were you gay >> why were you bullied? were you gay as well?

>> no, i mean glasses. >> no, i mean glasses. >> he's wearing glasses. >> he's wearing glasses. >> i didn't have glasses. i didn't have glasses. you're bald. you won't believe he was a bald. you won't believe he was a bald six year old. it was because i was annoying. right. could you believe that? >> why do you believe that? >> why do you believe that? >> anyway, let's have a quick look at saturday's front pages. the daily mail leads with boris's dramatic plan for military raid on holland to snatch back our vaccines. the iweekend has israel's warning to iran. it's a bit more than a warning. the telegraph has boris's war cry in covid invade holland. the daily mirror has a true legend. the times has tuition fees to rise, but grants are going to return too . so are going to return too. so universities are going to get more money and we're going to pay more money and we're going to pay for it. and finally, the daily express has so vindictive. labouris daily express has so vindictive. labour is in denial over fuel row and those were your front pages. row and those were your front pages . and let's have a closer pages. and let's have a closer look at those front pages

starting with the guardian. >> josh, this is very exciting, very exciting. the guardian has produced the definitive guardian cover ever like this is this is the one that will be put in a museum to define this, this era of guardian readership. so you've got a photo of david bowie. of course you've got a malcolm gladwell piece, you've got ottolenghi curries, and then we've got a thing like israel. so it's they've got the full gamut of guardian ness and vegan myths busted and vegan myths busted. so congratulations, guardian. mazel tov. you've done it . i you know, this guardian. mazel tov. you've done it. i you know, this is this is it. i you know, this is this is it. there's also a picture of maggie smith, you know, who's a sort of. >> and israel. israel have dropped a mazel tov cocktail on beirut. >> very good. well, that is the story of israel launches heaviest air attacks on lebanon. and they talk here. they say it marks a staggering escalation on the israeli side. now, this, of course, being the guardian, they don't mention the 8000 rockets that hezbollah have launched over the last year, since october 8th, the day after

october 8th, the day after october 7th. >> yeah. but how many people did they kill? >> well, they killed 12 druze children and. and 43 total. and israel , children and. and 43 total. and israel, surprisingly, has had enough. and they've gone. they had we had the pager. brilliant, sort of james bond type attack. and then this is now they've gone for the leader and the big question is, is he still alive or not? this is hassan nasrallah, and, well, somebody should page him . very good. so should page him. very good. so we don't know. we they're saying that he's alive. and then israel is like , no, no, we got him. and is like, no, no, we got him. and it was a big old bunker. if you've seen the footage, it's pretty insane. it's just a it's a big bomb. yeah, it's a big bomb. >> well, yeah. this i mean, this wasn't even just one tower block. this was several tower blocks, bruce. and they've dropped, you know, bunker busting, jdams american heavy munitions onto these, onto these blocks and basically just levelled an entire city block in beirut to rubble. it's really, you know, taking it back to the 19805. 1980s. >> 19805. >> well, i have been to beirut on a day trip. yes. when i was in doha for work.

on a day trip. yes. when i was in doha for work . and you could in doha for work. and you could still see from the first time around all the kind of damage or whatever. so i would imagine now it's just completely. >> yeah. one block. yeah. i mean, it should be. this was deliberate policy, by the way. don't want to get too serious but of hezbollah to build their lead, their bunker in residential areas. that's their policy . they want civilians died policy. they want civilians died hopefully. the fewest amount of civilians died possible. hopefully the most amount of hezbollah terrorists were killed. >> yeah, but there will be heavy civilian deaths with this , civilian deaths with this, unfortunately. and obviously some people are saying that they're calling israel colonists. this is a sort of colonial invasion, which is ridiculous because there's obviously no intention to occupy, lebanon in a long term capacity. and there are no israeli troops on the ground. and if people are going to look at who's colonising who, i mean, lebanon was a formerly christian country back when it was stable and prosperous and then had 25 years of civil war. i'm not sure what happened. maybe somebody who went there, maybe somebody

should look into that before they before they criticise israel too much. bruce moving on. what's in the cover of the telegraph? >> what isn't there on the cover of the telegraph? that's what they pack it in, don't they? it'5 they pack it in, don't they? it's a potpourri of delight. it'5 it's a potpourri of delight. it's a potpourri of delight. it's a pandora's box. you've got harry and meghan. i don't know what they're moaning about now you've got someone talking about metres smart glasses and they are mega boring , apparently, are mega boring, apparently, because if you see you guys on instagram . no, no, no, we're instagram. no, no, no, we're x all the way baby. oh x all the way. i got my account removed but more of that later and still never had it back. but there is a thing. i posted it as well, basically saying that you don't agree for your photos to be the property of letter and all this kind of stuff, but i think it's all a pilot plot. plop to be quite honest with you. and the other thing is that £16,000 for starmer from ali for slacks and this was extra, this was on top of this was on top of previously announced and him hiding out allegedly in his penthouse. >> he was like suddenly, oh, it wasn't for office stuff like we

said, it turns out it was for clothes. so basically lord alli is kind of like his pimp. he likes his pm to look good. yeah, and the best dressed pm. and this is what's happened. so it's just it's more hypocrisy . yeah. just it's more hypocrisy. yeah. >> this is starting to unravel for starmer. it's like he keeps saying oh i've been fully transparent and i've been above and beyond the call. and then more stuff comes out and it's like, oh, you weren't that transparent. >> he hasn't. do you think he'll make it through the four years? yeah, yeah i do. you do, yeah i do, but it's just it's just not a good look and it just shows the hypocrisy there. >> you can't. there are so many tweets that labour put out over the last ten years that are going to come back and bite them on the bum. just delete your accounts, guys, because this is going to be endless. >> this is the p diddy party of politics. and there's a story there about the lead story, boris's war cry to invade holland. i think this might be a bit glam, but when he says he wants to seize the vaccines, is he going to suck them out of people's arms? >> you know, the ones that are

already in? or is this new stocks or this? >> this is this isn't recently. this is this is back during covid times. this is when he was our minister. our prime minister. >> something? there >> do you know something? there we still we go. i mean, i'm still mourning dynasty. mourning the end of dynasty. >> we've got >> moving on. josh, we've got the on the front cover of the what's on the front cover of the what's on the front cover of the times. >> yeah. tuition fees to rise, but grants return to, and i think this is pretty good, the universities in this country are struggling. they it hasn't gone up since it's been about £9,000 for eight years or something. inflation has gone up in that time. so they're talking about it going up and it seems like a lot. it'll go up to £10,500. that's a 13.5% jump. but they are also talking about bringing back grants for those who need it . i personally think that it. i personally think that that's a good idea. i think that maybe we went a little bit too far as a country, like everybody's got to go to university. that's just not true. and it's certainly not something that i advise to my kids. but for those who want to who come from more disadvantaged backgrounds, the ability for our government to help pay for that, i think is a is a good. but this

attribute. >> what do universities need money for? it's just a building with some communists in it. should should cost them books. >> well, they need money for books. don't they. well they've got the books already now is it . yeah. >> in fact all the courses are just filmed. really? you don't need to go to university. you don't need to go. >> you can just go on youtube. there's lots of tutorials on youtube. >> i was at a 50th birthday recently, and a girl that i was at secondary school with came up. i didn't recognise her, but she recognised me and she was telling me that she was well, exactly. we're both redheads and she wanted both her children to do modern apprenticeships and not go to university because if they didn't choose to study in scotland, she couldn't afford it. right? >> there we go. but also, i think doing a modern apprenticeship, you're probably going to learn more and earn more, which is what universities should be all about. >> was that your motto when you were running for office? >> it wasn't my motto at university are there are there apprenticeships at costco for baby oil ? baby oil? >> don't even joke. costco is a great place to work. they get the they get the money and they get all the i like costco, i'm a big, big costco fan. am i

allowed to say that? i don't know, and there are other supermarkets. costco is the best. no, i'm not allowed to say it sounded like trump there. >> and finally, bruce, we've got the daily star. let's fit this one in quickly. >> well yes. okay. so basically queen been pinned to the bed by a ghost and i sincerely hope it's diana. right? i really, really do al fayed know because i don't think i don't think they allowed camilla in harrods if she didn't have money at that point. so she went to harvey nichols on klarna. >> okay, not entirely sure what that means. anyway, that's the covers nicely covered at the end of part one. join us after the break for trump and starmer's first date. the eu turns its back on immigration and sexy, sexy, sexy female prisoners find out

welcome back to headliners lesbian . first. look at lesbian. first. look at saturday's papers. apparently so. 50. >> so. >> say that when she's in the

room. >> i'm of course, i probably shouldn't say that. >> and probably incriminate myself. and i'm still here with the meaty, manly combo of josh howie and bruce devlin. and kicking off this section with the sun. and donald trump has shown his political ignorance by describing keir starmer as out with the italian prime minister gig—keir starmer" " ' ' " out with the italian prime minister gig—keir starmer as" ' ' " describing keir starmer as popular . popular . popular. >> sure, yeah. keir starmer popular. >> sure, yeah. keir starmer meets donald trump for two hour meets donald trump for two hour dinner after calling pm very dinner after calling pm very nice and popular, and, yeah, nice and popular, and, yeah, they we don't know anything that they we don't know anything that was said in the meeting or was said in the meeting or there's been no kind of like there's been no kind of like standing together and like, oh, standing together and like, oh, we're best friends now or we're best friends now or anything like that, but it's anything like that, but it's sort of it shows a certain level sort of it shows a certain level of , maturity from starmer to be of , maturity from starmer to be of, maturity from starmer to be like , okay, this is the possible minister éekeir ' " " of, maturity from starmer to be like , okay, this is the possible like, okay, this is the possible future leader of the free world. like, okay, this is the possible future leader of the free world. i better start sucking up now. i better start sucking up now. >> i mean, that's a pretty >> i mean, that's a pretty minimal level of maturity. if minimal level of maturity. if you're not maturity. you're not maturity. >> i mean, you know, but he's >> i mean, you know, but he's doing his job. of course, people doing his job. of course, people on the left, you know, when you on the left, you know, when you play on the left, you know, when you play on the left, you know, when you play purity politics and you should never stand next to play purity politics and you should never stand next to anybody who doesn't agree with anybody who doesn't agree with everything that you agree with, everything that you agree with, then this is like a big deal for then this is like a big deal for him. like he's also been hanging him. like he's also been hanging

out with the italian prime out with the italian prime minister as well, who everyone was like, she's far right. but it's like, oh, you suddenly have to work together. and now she's palpably okay. but yes, it is quite amusing how donald trump just sort of doesn't understand the uk political system at all, and how he's just sort of like,

and, how he's just sort of like, and, how he's just sort of like, and the >> we wanted. well, and the other thing is we had a vote for proportional representation and we rejected it. yeah. >> because the fairness was probably rigged. like, like these ones are what's interesting as well , bruce, is interesting as well, bruce, is that so many people in labour as josh mentioned, aren't at all ready to sit next to trump. i mean, david lammy , who's the mean, david lammy, who's the foreign secretary now, amazingly, has described trump as a neo nazi sympathising sociopath, which seems to be a medical diagnosis as well as an outright lie . outright lie. >> you know, this is the problem with the internet, but ehm , dame with the internet, but ehm, dame angela eagle, who i do believe is actually vivienne westwood, because they look very like vivienne is dead . unfortunately, vivienne is dead. unfortunately, she said the republican breed overt racism with vitriol against migrants. overt racism with vitriol against migrants . also what i against migrants. also what i was disappointed. can you breed those two things? i have no idea. in a petri dish like andrew neil's hair, because i think that's where that's bred. ehm, there was no hand—holding. do you remember when he held theresa's hand ? yeah, yeah, and theresa's hand? yeah, yeah, and that would have been a lovely soft hand. >> he also might be intimidated

by, you know, his hand. he's very. trump is very paranoid about his small hands. right, and i think starmer, for all of his faults, has big hands. >> that's the one good thing about starmer. that's going to win him back in the public favour. he's got big hands over and above the hands. >> do you think he's jealous of keir starmer? because whatever you think about keir, that's a good head of hair. >> yeah, i'm jealous of kids. don't. why don't you cut to me? why are you cutting to me? >> i think that's rude. >> i think that's rude. >> josh, we've got the daily mail now, and just stop oil have been locked up for throwing soup on van gogh's iconic painting of sunflowers. do they hate oil? so much that they even hate oil paintings? bruce. >> well, there's a couple of things that people are worried. what's in the soup? we don't know the brand of the soup. that is the point, right? so apparently the pair. so there's two girls that have been one. ehm plumber and holland. holland was handed a 20 month jail time. the judge told plumber, who was handed a criminal behaviour order. you clearly think your beliefs give you the right to commit crimes when you feel like it, you do not. and plumber

representing herself because of course she would be representing herself because she has nothing else to do. because she's a trust fairy in boot. my choice is to accept whatever i say, whatever sentence i receive with a smile. but they were seen going to the trafalgar square . going to the trafalgar square. ehm, tesco the day ahead and we still don't know what brand because this is what people are worried about. although there was protective glass, which i don't think is an argument, that's a bit like kind of saying, you know, the frames 400 years old, that's okay. it's like it was like 30g of damage already. yeah, exactly. and stop it. and, you know, in the cost of living crisis, i've said this before, why are you throwing food around? yeah. you know, thatis food around? yeah. you know, that is the whole thing. and i get your aims, but i think you're really negate the cause. >> and also your aims have been achieved. labour are now in power and they've got an incredibly progressive. and i'm not saying that as a, as a positive thing, an incredibly progressive energy policy. they've put an end to north sea oil and gas. there's going to be no new exploration . and they're

no new exploration. and they're they're going to be pumping taxpayers money into their buddies green energy schemes. yeah >> this is i mean, this they did it when. yeah. the two have gone to jail. one of them's called something plumber. the most posh phoebe plumber, the most the poshest name ever. and they wouldn't give up their mastermind. so they've got their two years, but it's like the idea is there was a mastermind. okay, got to go tesco's. now you pay cash . okay? don't. whatever pay cash. okay? don't. whatever you do, don't pay credit card. when you buy the suit, then you're going to get get the bus and you know get the oyster card. but don't. so it's so the idea this requires some sort of mastermind for just this vandalism that is threatens the legacy of what belongs to us all. yeah. like we were all on a world. the world. yes, there is pollution and we should protect that. but then we also have created art, and that is part of the legacy of the world as well. yet you want to destroy that. it's so stupid. these people deserve every second of jail time that they get. and so do these new ridiculous people as well. >> and with the talk of a mastermind, i mean, there might

not be a mastermind. i don't think there are many minds functioning particularly rapidly in just stop oil, but there are funders and backers. i mean, dale, vince, who's one of the beneficiaries, fund it anymore. well, he doesn't fund it anymore, but he has funded it hugely in the past. before he tried to distance himself when he realised it, could he not have some kind of green airline called eco jet? it's ecotricity. he's got a green energy company, he's a green energy tycoon and he's a green energy tycoon and he's worth over £100 million. and he's ecotricity received, you know, millions of pounds. but he's like he's like the taxpayer. >> he adds eco instead of bat like a batarang, bat, car, bat, batmobile . sorry, friends, but batmobile. sorry, friends, but you know, he's like eco. everything he's got the orang eco rang. so? >> so the people who say eat the rich just nibble around the edges of him because . because edges of him because. because he's put eco in front of his name. so he's a good multi—millionaire. >> i thought you meant because he was gassy . and that's why he he was gassy. and that's why he had to do that as well. what really annoys me is the recent the arrest. before this, there was a mother that said, oh, my

daughter didn't do anything wrong. it's like they think they're above the law. as jean brodie would say, above the common cold. but she said, oh, my daughter can't go to my son's wedding. well, good, because she'd probably try and destroy that because all the food would be cooked on gas and they would be cooked on gas and they would be going in diesel cars. >> well, the best thing about that was when people put online said, no, no, let her out and then do a protest. so she wouldn't be able to make it. >> that's a good idea. >> that's a good idea. >> we've got the guardian next. josh in europe has finally decided enough is enough and is closing its borders to migrants, leaving britain as the only place still welcoming everyone in. this isn't how brexit was supposed to work, is it? >> no anti—immigration mood sweeping eu threatens its new asylum strategy . this is asylum strategy. this is something that the eu has been putting through for the last ten years, and just as they're kind of going, yeah, brilliant, we're all going to sign it, suddenly they've all gone actually, maybe we should have a little rethink here because what this guardian article surprise, surprise fails to mention, even though it talks about the far right getting in and, and all these countries who are sort of making all these

decisions about kerbing migration, they haven't said why, why are they why has suddenly the whole of europe gone, oh , actually, maybe this gone, oh, actually, maybe this is not a particularly good idea . is not a particularly good idea. thatis is not a particularly good idea. that is the frustrating thing. but then that's the guardian. and why? >> why has europe crime , crime, >> why has europe crime, crime, sex crime, lots of crime, murders, bombings , sweden, you murders, bombings, sweden, you know, stabbings, stabbings , know, stabbings, stabbings, >> yeah. so not terrorism . yeah. >> yeah. so not terrorism. yeah. all these things that just they're not great. really. people. >> people haven't warmed to the terrorism and the stabbings. bruce. >> strange. >> strange. >> no. and they haven't warmed to scots in england either. so i don't know if those two are inextricably linked . i was inextricably linked. i was screamed at crossing the border today. >> oh , really? >> oh, really? >> oh, really? >> by by which side the just stop oil people. because i was on a plane and i mean, we have seen , i guess in defence of mass seen, i guess in defence of mass migration . migration. >> we have seen it, you know, help with our population decline. so it's good news for businesses because they get

unlimited cheap labour. and it's good for news landlords because it keeps their their rents high. as there's more competition for property. so you know it's not bad for everyone. >> are you being sarcastic. >> are you being sarcastic. >> no i'm being genuine. like if you're a business owner, there's going to be business owners out there who need people to work in their factories and don't want, you know, people to have bargaining power to get higher wages. they want to be able to fill roles quickly and easily. it'5 fill roles quickly and easily. it's a good point. >> i was being sarcastic about being sarcastic. it was like a double sarcastic. >> i'm being sarcastic now. >> i'm being sarcastic now. >> i'm being sarcastic now. >> i like to congratulate the guardian for throwing in the term irregular migration. this seems to be the new term that i think what's happened to all the powers that be? i don't want to get too loose for conspiracy theory, but i reckon what's happenedis theory, but i reckon what's happened is someone has. they've met all the leaders of the world, met in a room, and they've decided to not call it illegal migration. they've gone. it'5 illegal migration. they've gone. it's irregular migration. so suddenly you're now going to start hearing this term? i've noficed start hearing this term? i've noticed it in the last couple of weeks. it's irregular. we can't say it's not illegal. it's just a regular. it's like a bowel thing. yeah, exactly. >> we see an irregular menstrual cycle. >> i said it here first. okay. i pointed it out. >> and moving on to the daily

mail, bruce . and the number of mail, bruce. and the number of women committing crime is surging . are women really surging. are women really getting more violent or is this just convicts transitioning to get cleaner toilets? >> well, i'm unsure of that, but it does say how the number of women being arrested is surging faster than men because of violence and sex crimes. the number of females being arrested is surging faster than the number of males. it is written by the daily mail, driven by violent and sex crimes. so i don't know if it's just violence and then sex or if it's violent sex. but new figures have revealed that it's violence and sex crimes, there were significant increases in the number of females held for violence , robbery and again, violence, robbery and again, even sex. they're very upset about the sex offences. i'm not sure what these women were doing. well, yeah. >> traditionally women haven't been perpetrators. >> well , i been perpetrators. >> well, i think the thing here is the question is women like, are they women? are they women or is this just the redefinition of women to include male sex offenders? because a lot of police forces around the country have been registering people according to how they identify, as opposed to their biological

sex? so you do see here a 27% increase from 237 to 1000, or whatever. that seems more than 27%. if my maths is correct. but anyway, it's i'm imagining that part of that is certainly going to be the increase. they're trying to say, oh , it's because trying to say, oh, it's because we've got more police. so they manage to arrest more. it's like , manage to arrest more. it's like, no, it's because they don't know what a woman is. the good news is the labour of course, are going to be, you know, getting rid of female jails. so all of these female sex offenders can be back out because they're going to be housed in residential centres. >> so they want to chat. >> so they want to chat. >> well, this is just to encourage more male criminals to transition. you can transition dunng transition. you can transition during your court case and then the victim and the judge and everybody has to refer to you with your new pronouns. it's mental. if they're going to be released to a female, you know, safe, safe place instead of being put in a prison. >> well, there's nothing about crimes against fashion in any of this article, which a lot of women are guilty of, whether they identify it or whether they're biological labour is bringing that in as well. >> just one final thing. i just

want to say that even though the rate has increased most amongst women, guys, we are there for 100,000 female. there are actually 600,000 male criminals, so we win. >> so we're still out there. that's section two in the can. so join us after the break for age splaining. we'll explain what that is. ghostbusting we'll explain what is. two and a good old fashioned underage

welcome back to headliners. and we jump back in with saturday's times. bruce. and these septuagenarians are ripped off. but don't worry, starmer's winter fuel cuts will see them off. >> there was an interesting meme. i'm on something and it was how pensioners are going to keep warm this winter and it was a coffin going into a crematorium, so we are more than a number over 705 crematorium, so we are more than a number over 70s rage against a

number. they're more than a number. they're more than a number. that was like that thing. patrick mcgoohan, the prisoner. oh, the prisoner. yeah. i'm not number. i'm a free man. >> and that space thing, you need to be over 70 to get that reference. >> well, exactly. so look at us. botox. so you may have heard of mansplaining when a man explains something to a woman in a way that's regarded condescending or patronising. but how about age? splaining. so this is basically younger people speaking to them like that. hello dear. how are you?in like that. hello dear. how are you? in the same way that a lot of british holidaymakers try and do the duolingo thing by just speaking very and then saying freitas, see, you can turn any word spanish by just adding a r at the end. >> did you know nana old age pensioner ? pensioner? >> yeah. >> yeah. >> i wish people would talk to me like this. i can never hear what people are saying, especially young people, because they mumble. >> they do mumble. you're right. because they might. because i refuse to say, can you say that again? i just go, this is it. >> so this is someone's pointed out this is essentially a word. this is ageism. yes. but they're

trying to frame it as like positive ageism. yes. so it's like you're trying to be nice. really. what this is, is people trying to be nice to old people. yeah. and all these old people are whining away about. oh, no, they're speaking to me. just be grateful that we're talking to you. it seems like a little bit ungrateful. this is a bit like i'm someone i live with my grandma for four years. and the fact is, you've got to speak a bit slower and a bit louder with some old people. i had to with her and, you know, sign the will into my name. grandma we've got the guardian now, grandma and teenage girls are being forced into underage marriage, which part of birmingham is this happening in joshua? well it's sudan, south sudan, and yes, a teenage bride wed for a record price. the marriage competition that divided a nation. this is outlawed in sudan. but surprise, surprise, it's still goes on. and she's 14 years old. her mum saying she's 14, her uncle says she's 14, but saying she's 14, her uncle says she's14, but her dad, who's about to make a load of money, is suddenly like, no, no, she's definitely 19 or whatever. and this has kind of gripped the country. >> and this is opposite of your

average dad. your normal dad. >> well, this is, and it's like it's like, is slavery still a bad thing? because this is what it essentially is. they're bidding for her marriage. these two guys, they've gone up to $44,000 or whatever. and it's this is not a good cultural practice. the idea that we should be like, oh, well, this is what they do over in that country. and we have to respect these traditions. no, we can take a moral stand and say it's wrong that a 14 year old girl is being sell sold to the highest bidder. that's morally wrong . bidder. that's morally wrong. >> or we could bring these cultures over to the uk and make them normal here, like we've done with female genital mutilation . mutilation. >> well, put a pin in that. ehm, i'm just thinking £33,000 for you're not thinking of buying one. no, i don't have time. in all honesty , you've got the all honesty, you've got the money. yeah. no, i'm good, i'm just. i'm not in the market to have a woman in the house full time. it'sjust. it's not my time. it's just. it's not my bag. it's not my vibe. it's not my thing. you know? i don't

understand the assignment. slay £33,000 isn't a huge amount for a human life. yeah, i've spent more on a bag in the harrods sale . sale. >> and you know what that was funding similar stuff. and the numbers are incredible globally. 122 million girls are married in childhood every year, according to unicef . to unicef. >> yeah, it's horrific that this stuff is going on, that it's allowed to go on, that it is sort of seen as somehow. yeah i don't know. it's just it's just very upsetting. >> this is this is horrendous. because in edinburgh university led report on bride peace system in south sudan said customary courts often accept menstruation as the criteria for the eligibility to marry. that is barbaric, isn't it? >> just saying the word menstruation is like barbaric ? menstruation is like barbaric? no. oh, okay. >> fine. no, i think you're just being silly. >> i am being silly. >> i am being silly. >> yeah. >> yeah. >> just try to make it a bit lighter. this slavery child bride story. >> we've got the independent next with a story about the calamitous female ghostbusters remake. and according to the

director , who are you going to director, who are you going to blame? donald? donald trump . blame? donald? donald trump. >> hey, that's a good one. yeah. >> hey, that's a good one. yeah. >> donald trump. now, do you pronounce his name? feig. paul. feig. paul feig. yeah. paul feig has opened up on the discourse surrounding the reboot of the ghostbusters and the political backlash it received. so basically, what donald trump had said was, and this was on x, he came out against the film. he said , the remake of indiana said, the remake of indiana jones without harrison ford, you can't do that. and now they're making ghostbusters with only women. what's going on? and got all very upset. my point about it would be kristen wiig and melissa mccarthy are the same in every film they do. in my opinion. they really are . opinion. they really are. kristen wiig was fantastic as liza minnelli on saturday night live, trying to put out a light, but melissa mccarthy is the same in everything. maybe that was the overweight. no, just the same in terms of that kind of repetitive sarcasm, but from an overweight person. wow she's thinner. now. the other interesting thing is trump has brought out a line of watches

that are $100,000 each. wow. >> yeah, well, that's, you know, for his small hands, this every time a film like this comes out, thatis time a film like this comes out, that is bad, like a remake. and they're trying to frame it here, like, they only did it because bill murray wouldn't sign up. he signed up to the new ones. that is, that, you know, it was just an idea. it's like, no, they exploited. they thought, oh, we've got to do female representation. we're going to do a female version of that. that surprise, surprise is not enoughin that surprise, surprise is not enough in and of itself to make it a good film. paul feig is actually is a great director. he did bridesmaids, bridesmaids. fantastic. brilliant film, you know, but this male representation, well , yeah, but representation, well, yeah, but this is the idea that people are sort of sexist because they would go, this film sucks . no, would go, this film sucks. no, this film sucks because it was just badly written and just a rubbish rip off of it. so that that always is the thing that just super duper frustrates me. >> so it's just go woke go broke because they're focusing on on the diversity quota and the powerful female representation instead of focusing on i mean, there's plenty of films, successful films, really good films with powerful female

characters, aliens, aliens. >> yeah, we always that's the only one we've got. >> the daily mail now, and i swear we don't have a machine randomly generating these stories. a transgender prostitute who broke a female football player's knee is planning a return to playing football, and nobody can stop him. certainly not the female players because they're small and weak. >> josh a&e, transgender footballer boycotted by players in the women's league after breaking rivals knee with a shot, scored five goals in a friendly as she plots come back to the game. it's she you bigot . to the game. it's she you bigot. well, this is it. so well, this story is a different kind of tackle . tackle. >> boom boom . >> boom boom. >> boom boom. >> he's got he's got one about balls coming up. >> come on, come on. that was my one joke of the week, right, which week? well, all right, the month. fine pre—op. she's pre—op. how do we know that he is pre—op ? she he she pre—op, is pre—op? she he she pre—op, like over 90% of trans people. because it says it on their sex site. and that's who you want to be playing. these are teams for

this for a sex worker site. they say that, this these teams are for like 16 years and older and they're like, you know what? i don't want my daughter who does play don't want my daughter who does play football, by the way. actually, my daughterjust actually, my daughter just started football. she's got to drive an hour tomorrow to some football game or whatever. i want trans players to start on her team so i can now then go, no, i'm not allowing my daughter to play. that's my particular plan. but this is wrong. she, you know, she's she he is a big guy. this is cheating. and he's already then someone's already been harmed. so the fact that this person is still allowed to play this person is still allowed to play is disgusting. and the faa needs to step in and sort it out. it's cheating and it's dangerous. >> all i was going to say was the thing about the prostitution. right? and i see what you're saying. but no one then was bothered with wayne rooney because he enjoyed the company of prozzies, didn't he? >> but was he working as prostitute? >> i'm kind of. >> i'm kind of. >> we're all prostitutes at some level, kind of to one of the i've never been paid, but also what they've offered. >> they've said, oh, you know what, maybe they should find

another role for him, like maybe another role for him, like maybe a coach. do i want a transsexual sex worker as my 16 year old daughter's coach? >> also, you know, people can be polite and, you know, respect your pronouns and use whatever pronouns you want and, not make fun of you when you walk around in a funny dress and stuff . but in a funny dress and stuff. but i mean, you don't have the right to become a female athlete. this is the thing i don't understand. it'5 is the thing i don't understand. it's like , you know, this person it's like, you know, this person wants to play football. >> brilliant. join a men's team orjoin if >> brilliant. join a men's team or join if there's >> brilliant. join a men's team orjoin if there's some sort of open play team. yeah, but don't cheat. and, ahmad, can i just say again, different kind of tackle. thank you. very good. >> josh, finally in this section, the guardian has some very shocking news about book censorship in american prisons. bruce, i didn't know americans could read. >> well, i didn't understand what activists fight against censorship in the largest us. book bans that are in prisons. now, i would imagine what they're going to read in historical books other than the dodi diaries, which is coming out soon. yeah, perfect timing for christmas. what harm can it

do to the. because i think people have probably done worse things than what they read about in books, like in the we did a story the other week where they banned harry potter in like the sex part of jails. >> so anything like to do with kids? oh yeah. whatever. but they banned the leonardo da vinci books because maybe they'll find like stab points, like from his drawings. so that might be a thing. it is a bit weird. i went to visit a friend in jail. i had to smuggle in lady chatterley's lover up my bum, so this is a real problem. but it is to, you know, you're right. you didn't need to get the hardback. >> i was going to say that's. >> i was going to say that's. >> yeah. thank you. you guys . >> yeah. thank you. you guys. you beat my tackle joke. now i feel bad. and he would just improvise it. but yeah, this is there's a lot of talk of censorship of books in schools and whatnot. but this is the first time they've looked at the prisons. but really anything to encourage people. the more they people read, the less likely they are to recommit crimes or commit crimes. what if it's a terrorist manifesto? >> yes, but the bible, the bible isn't a terrorist manifesto.

>> it's the greatest book of all time. >> is what you're saying the quran. you really shouldn't speak like that on telly. >> i wasn't you were putting words. >> no, no, but you could. there's no way that you could meet. >> the bible had a book. >> the bible had a book. >> obviously you misspoke. >> obviously you misspoke. >> i'm not. i'm not going to be spoken to like that. >> i can't believe i can't believe you said that. i'm shocked. bruce really? >> okay, before we all get in trouble, that's the penultimate section. done and dusted. after the break, we'll out what's the best penis type and should sex dolls lay off the

welcome back to headliners. we're jumping straight back in with the times, josh. and it turns out that behind all the climate posturing, gen z or z, if you're in britain, are bad at

recycling unless it's 19705 post—modern ideology or marxism of course, because they're pretty good at recycling that. >> indeed eco conscious, eco conscious. here we go. we've got the eco eco conscious gen z. are the eco eco conscious gen z. are the worst at recycling. they're actually quite good. like, you know , like, for instance, know, like, for instance, recently there's been a bunch of people who've recycled soup. yeah, they've done that quite well. so they, you know, they can they can do recycling. but yeah, this is the first of all, it's down a little bit recycling. anyway, i think a lot of people are kind of seeing bin men just putting both of them in the same one and going oh this is a bit, there's a bit of a thing going on here, bit of a con going on here, but also particularly 92% of gen z's admit to throwing something in the bin because they couldn't be bothered to clean it. i in the wrong bin. are you supposed to clean it ? yeah, wrong bin. are you supposed to clean it? yeah, yeah. >> so your tubs and bottles, what do you do? >> do i work for the government now? i've got i've got a job for the government working as a cycling for me, cleaning makes me feel happy. >> so i like to clean everything. >> but if i clean it, then i'm

using gas. burning gas to heat the water to clean it. i'm using dangerous, toxic . dangerous, toxic. >> i use rainwater . oh, but >> i use rainwater. oh, but yeah, this is. but but this is just this story. whilst not a huge story for me , does huge story for me, does perfectly encapsulate gen z because they are also, it says here they're believed to be the most likely to call someone out if they see them throwing away something . so they're very something. so they're very massively hypocritical here. it reminds me of during covid, a bunch of 19 year olds started telling a bunch of parents off in the park, like what? you you're all closer than two metres. it's like we're outside, we're in the park, covid's over and you still had a bunch of 19 year olds being little fascists. >> the most upsetting thing about it is that the gen zs in scotland are the lowest. they just do not do anything. really. no, it's not the lowest recyclers. oh, really? oh, so busy deep frying their own hands and licking off the batter. >> yum. >> yum. >> delicious. it's good to know that they like scolding people. they're into the nagging part of it. moving on. we've got the telegraph now, and lifeless bodies are powering machines.

>> but this is the thing. is it your time to go into the light? not now. cemeteries turned into solar farms without relatives being told valencia residents bemoan weird idea say as the government wants to do this without consulting what they want to do in the cemeteries. if you have a tomb, which would mean you'd obviously have got quite a lot of money, i would imagine. yeah, they want to put solar panels on the top of the tombs. i don't understand , tombs. i don't understand, they're going to match with the marble. well, i'm not necessarily sure, but the thing is, what the spanish government is, what the spanish government is saying is you only have these graves for 50 years, so we don't owe you anything, and we can do what we like. so people. so that's the thing. you're not going into everlasting light. you're going into renewable light. but for only up to 50 years. yeah. i think this is this is pretty. it's a good idea. >> a good idea. i mean, being useful after death, that's quite a good idea. they should also do some. i don't want to be useful after death. >> i want everybody to cry. >> i want everybody to cry. >> i want everybody to cry. >> i think they should put some wind farms in for the ghosts. the ghosts could kind of blow it, blow the wind and. but i did read a thing here. it said,

admit the local official admitted that relatives of the deceased and i was reading a bit fast.i deceased and i was reading a bit fast. i just admitted that the deceased had not been consulted, so i was thinking that, you know, they'd got the ouija board out and said, do you mind helping out? but really it was that generation who got us into this mess. so i think they should help out. >> the good thing is, they do say that cemeteries are a place of absolute quiet, something solar energy does not disturb. >> that's a good point to the daily star, josh, and it's bad news for the lizzo range of plastic companions. >> good sex doll makers forced to introduce weight loss surgery for larger silicone lovers. i genuinely couldn't really understand much of this article because there's the i know, i am aware of sex dolls. of course, i've got a couple and but i didn't realise that they there's this , thing about weight this, thing about weight reduction that's supposedly like you've got to have it's all about you want them heavy or but but firm or something like that . but firm or something like that. but some people want them lighter and because they become, they can actually be too heavy. >> so top heavy on top on top of you. yes. i mean, they're not

going to smother you in your, in youn going to smother you in your, in your, in your sleep, but they're very heavy. but then if you take the weight away from the doll, the weight away from the doll, the silicone is less soft. you know, a lot i read the article. >> it does not say anything in this article about that. >> do you think they'll design them? injecting ozempic? >> possibly, yeah . they'll work >> possibly, yeah. they'll work out some sort of digital ozempic for them . we've got the sun for them. we've got the sun next. bruce and some swingers are having a robin hood themed orgy. hopefully littlejohn doesn't get left out. >> well, no swingers will descend on nottingham for a raunchy robin hood themed treasure hunt before wild naked party in the woods. now this is the purple mamba club who will host the night—time portion of it and wait for it throbbing hood swingers event the reasons we have to say it's very interesting because you have to pay interesting because you have to pay the event is scheduled for october the 5th from 4 pm. you're really giving those details out. with early bird tickets priced at £40. now, this is what i do. i'm actually paying is what i do. i'm actually paying you know, i'm being paid in tights and while couples can

super secure spot for £10 and singletons £5, to according the what's the jam? i don't know what the jam is. wait a minute. it'5 what the jam is. wait a minute. it's cheaper. it's cheaper if you're single. just to go around. i wonder if vicky mcclure will be going because she's a famous nottingham person and she might enjoy a horizontal refreshment. >> i think people are going from from all around. it's an interesting pricing structure though. >> yeah, that's what i don't understand . there's also going understand. there's also going to be live music and of course drag . drag. >> well, sticking with that theme, nate, what is nude drag then? >> how's that? how's that going to work? oh yeah. >> you'll just be naked. >> you'll just be naked. >> you're born naked and the rest is drag guy in a wig. >> finally, josh, we'll quickly tackle the issues of growers versus shores. presumably, this is in reference to the differences between functional and competition. vegetable farming? >> nearly. is it a grower or a shower? scientists? i misread this, by the way, is it a grower or a shower? but scientists? water scientists? yes scientists reveal most common willie type.

i can say it penis. and it's saying are you? and it turns out that i'm very disappointed with this article. i was very excited to find out where i am on the on the scale of it, it turns out 25%. basically showers 25% of growers and then the rest they can't. it's not definitive, is what i'm saying. >> who's doing the research? >> who's doing the research? >> well , >> who's doing the research? >> well, yeah. >> well, yeah. >> like you don't know. what we're finding out is it depends how cold it is on the day. and on that note, the show is nearly oven on that note, the show is nearly over. so let's take another quick look at saturday's front pages. the daily mail leads with boris's dramatic plan for military raid on holland to snatch back our vaccines. the iweekend has israel's warning to iran. the telegraph has boris's war cry and covid invade holland. the daily mirror has a true legend. the times has tuition fees to rise, but grants to return to and finally the daily express has so vindictive. labouris daily express has so vindictive. labour is in denial over fuel row. and those were your front

pages and that's all we have time for. thank you so much to josh and bruce. you can see josh again tomorrow. sorry bruce again tomorrow. sorry bruce again tomorrow. sorry bruce again tomorrow on my show at 8 pm. and i'm back on headliners tomorrow at 11 pm. with nick dixon and stephen allen. after that. dixon and stephen allen. after that . and if you're watching at that. and if you're watching at 5 am, stay tuned for breakfast. goodbye >> that warm feeling inside from boxt boilers , sponsors of boxt boilers, sponsors of weather on gb news. >> evening. welcome to your latest weather update from the met office here on gb news, a much drier night tonight compared to last night across the south. pretty chilly one though, so it will be a cold start to the weekend for much of the weekend the weather is set fair, but behind me this area of low pressure will bring some wet and windy weather later on sunday. for the time being though, the winds are coming down from the north. that's why it's going to be chilly, bringing a few showers across wales, southwest england, northern scotland and along the east coast of england. but the winds here will be easing and the showers tending to fade. for many, it's a dry night with

long, clear spells and that's why it's going to be quite chilly with those temperatures tumbling to down 3 or 4 degrees. even in towns and cities, pockets of frost likely in the countryside. so yes, a cold start to saturday, but by and large a cracking start. sunny for most of england and wales. lots of blue sky, lots of sunshine. maybe still 1 or 2 showers for wales and southwest england, and perhaps also still coming into north norfolk, but generally just a chilly but bright start. not the same though, for scotland and northern ireland. here more cloud will be edging in as we go through the night, and there will be, particularly for scotland, outbreaks of rain . so scotland, outbreaks of rain. so we'll see a little bit of rain heading to glasgow and certainly on the west coast. rain on and off through the day for eastern scotland though i suspect. yeah, we may see a few showers but generally here skies should brighten up. some cloud will bubble up over northern england and wales . maybe bubble up over northern england and wales. maybe 1 or 2 bubble up over northern england and wales . maybe 1 or 2 showers and wales. maybe 1 or 2 showers here. the odd shower for the north coast of northern ireland, but for many it's dry over the midlands, much of eastern england, southern england. a fine day, a fine autumnal day with temperatures a touch below

the average for the end of september. but the winds will be lighter tomorrow compared to today. lighter tomorrow compared to today . on sunday, though, we do today. on sunday, though, we do have to talk about the winds picking up in the southwest. a fine bright start for many. a few showers in northern scotland, but the winds whipping up here. we do have a met office yellow warning in place for the coast of wales , and southwest coast of wales, and southwest winds could cause some disruption. rain coming in here as well, but for many, much of the day will be dry again. >> a brighter outlook with boxt solar sponsors of weather on

invade the netherlands. yes, you heard it in a bid to procure

suppues heard it in a bid to procure supplies for the uk. >> well, that's just one of many new revelations from the former prime minister, serialised in today's newspapers. >> israel has launched a series of strikes on the lebanese capital of beirut , of strikes on the lebanese capital of beirut, in a dramatic escalation of tensions between the two sides. >> the king leads tributes to the national treasure, dame maggie smith, following her death yesterday aged 89. as fans across all generations remember her talent as the number of women accusing mohamed al fayed of abuse rises, gb news has spoken exclusively to one of them as she details his behaviour to her. >> and his name is in tatters now, isn't it? he's not remembered as the owner of harrods. he's now remembered as a rapist and a sexual predator. and that's what he deserves in my eyes. >> as prince harry heads back to the uk for a visit, we're asking whether it's time to renegotiate

megxit and welcome the couple