using attacked israel using a ballistic missile. it comes after the lebanese prime minister said i million people have now been displaced as fighting continues. mr lammy has spoken with his us counterpart antony blinken, and reiterated the need for a ceasefire. >> we both agreed the position that we had at the un last week that we had at the un last week that the best way forward is an immediate ceasefire. i have been urging since coming to office in july for british nationals to leave lebanon . notwithstanding leave lebanon. notwithstanding that, of course, we've sent a rapid response team. 700 troops are in cyprus. we will do all we to can assist people to get out, and we have secured places on commercial flights that are flying tomorrow so that uk nationals can get out. >> now, back in the uk, prime minister sir keir starmer has thanked the cabinet secretary,

simon case, for his support and years of service to our country after it was announced he will step down at the end of the year on medical grounds. cabinet secretary mr case, who has been undergoing treatment for a neurological condition, told colleagues whilst the spirit remains willing, the body is not. the bbc has apologised to former strictly come dancing contestant amanda abbington, saying it had assessed and upheld some, but not all, of her complaints about giovanni pernice behaviour during her time on the show. bbc management have upheld six out of 17 allegations, some of which are for the professional dancers use of swear words. but the sun newspaper is now reporting that the 50 year old actress is poised to sue the for bbc loss of earnings and damages. in other news, teachers have accepted the government's 5.5% pay accepted the government's 5.5% pay rise offer . 95% of national pay rise offer. 95% of national education union members who responded voted to accept the pay

responded voted to accept the pay offer. the union's general secretary, daniel kebede , said secretary, daniel kebede, said our members should be proud of what they have achieved through our hard fought campaign and former this morning presenter phillip schofield has blamed his brother for his departure from itv, saying he was fired for someone else's crime. his 54 year old brother timothy, was convicted in april in 2023 of ii sexual offences involving a child, including two of sexual activity, with a child. in the final episode of channel five's castaway, schofield revealed that he would never in a million years decide to return to daytime tv. those are the latest gb news headlines. now it's time for headliners. >> for the very latest gb news direct to your smartphone, sign up to news alerts by scanning the qr code , or go to gbnews.com the qr code, or go to gbnews.com forward slash alerts .

forward slash alerts. >> hello and welcome to headliners. is it just me or does that man mispronounce alerts in a very strange way .7 oh alerts in a very strange way.7 oh well, minor alerts in a very strange way? oh well, minor point perhaps your first look at tomorrow's newspapers here from a comedians perspective, i'm simon evans, my fellow mirthmakers tonight kerry marx and leo kearse. hello. good evening gentlemen. yes. >> well yes. nice to be here for the last programme before the world war, before the world war. >> i thought you were going to say before stoptober. are you going to be engaging in giving something up for october? well, stoptober sobriety , give up stoptober sobriety, give up smoking, all of those sort of things. it's the. it's the autumn , you know, equivalent of autumn, you know, equivalent of new year's. >> so november we drum style. >> so november we drum style. >> who's deciding all this? >> who's deciding all this? >> november is check out your own prostate on a regular basis. yeah. i'm doing start, tober. oh right. you start taking crystal meth. see how that works out? see if it improves productivity . see if it improves productivity. it's worth a try, i thought. save that for starch. that's when you start. >> i thought that's what new

year's resolutions. are we doing it again in november? >> now are we? >> now are we? >> that's right . october. >> that's right. october. october. october. october. sorry october. october. october. sorry october. march. and then if it works well, you do staple as well . right. let's have works well, you do staple as well. right. let's have a works well, you do staple as well . right. let's have a look well. right. let's have a look at our front pages before this band goes completely off the dial. starmer in the independent. starmer forces top civil servant out of office. was he about to tell the truth? daily mail world holds breath. world holds breath as israel is set to invade lebanon. guardian israel has been ground attacks on hezbollah inside lebanon, says the us. the times migrants to be stuck in hotels for three years sounds like it might be the best place for them at the moment . mirror strictly the moment. mirror strictly the verdict bbc has apologised to amanda abbington over giovanni pernice behaviour in strictly's bullying row. and finally, the daily star. the matrix is real. i've been saying that for years. it's the bible that proves it. physicists insists. we're living

in a simulation. aren't we just? well, those we are front pages . well, those we are front pages. so, kerry, let's go to tuesday's daily mail to kick us off with this simulation. >> yeah, well, we'll get to the heavy part in a moment. we start off at the top of the page with why some scientists now think there is a third state between life and death, which i've been there. >> it's working for haringey council . council. >> that's going to say you could have picked quite a few there . have picked quite a few there. >> the sky newspaper reviews just stop oil. we can keep going, couldn't we? but yes, we don't get as far. we only get the title, the heading here tuesday find out who it is. >> and, and then the main stories on the front page is, the, the verdict with strictly is alongside the world holding its breath as israel set to invade lebanon, which is, pretty much likely i think the invasion has already sort of starting at the moment . the moment. >> and, and a missile has been sent, another missile sent to israel. of course, this started

with lebanon. you know, hezbollah's attacks on israel ever since october the 8th. so a day after the hamas attacks, to be honest, yes. >> of course. yeah, it goes back. people are saying this has been going on for years. this particular set of incidences, i don't think anybody's holding their breath. they see the world holds their breath. like if we held our breath for like peace to happen in the middle east, we'd die . i met, i started we'd die. i met, i started watching world in action with yasser arafat, squatting in the middle of the desert in about 1987. that's when that's when i first became aware of it. >> it's interesting that both israel and ukraine have kind of stopped telling america what they're going to do in advance . they're going to do in advance. now, you know, before the invasion into russia, ukraine didn't inform them or or ask their permission anymore . and their permission anymore. and whilst, you know, the harris, biden administration, i think still called it, i'm not sure kwasi saying de—escalation. it's not really seeming to be reading the room very well and well, you had after israel did did that attack with the pages and the walkie talkies and hit the underground bunker where, where hezbollah were meeting and then

have taken out almost all of the top brass of hezbollah in a matter of eight days. and whilst america is still saying de—escalation is a bit like if you were playing a game of chess against a grandmaster and you just pulled off a, you know, a queen's gambit or a, you know, a queen's gambit or a, you know, a queen's trap or something, you, you stand a good chance of winning and then being told to end the game and accept a draw. so israel is not going to step back at this, this moment. you know, it's going to take advantage of having got an advantage of having got an advantage . advantage. >> i think there's, pretty much the entire world on the hop, hasn't it? the extent to which this has all been a sequential series of, as you say, either escalations or simply victories or, you know , they've, they've or, you know, they've, they've scalped scalp after scalp and as you say, they've got the momentum behind them. >> now, i don't think anyone and a lot of mixed feelings and people celebrate. i mean, there's obviously many different factions in, in iran in lebanon and so on, but there's a lot of people who are celebrating arabs who are celebrating the death of nasrallah and so on. >> iran is going to do everybody's like, oh, iran's going to retaliate. iran is going to retaliate. iran is going to retaliate. iran is going to do nothing . they can't going to do nothing. they can't do anything. and they're so

badly organised. so the former iranian president, mahmoud ahmadinejad, revealed in an interview with cnn this week that iran's secret service has created this like special unit to root out mossad. you root out israeli intelligence operatives in iran . and the unit that they in iran. and the unit that they made was actually made up from mossad operatives. so, yes , mossad operatives. so, yes, amazing isn't it? and so what they did was they stole a bunch of nuclear secrets, killed a bunch of nuclear scientists, and then fled to israel . so, i mean, then fled to israel. so, i mean, i don't trust iran to be able to organise anything. and apparently people in, in the lebanon have been already said that iran has abandoned them. this is this is the word on the street. sure and carry on. does it carry on in the telegraph as well? leo? just with the telegraph mentions it as well. so netanyahu warns iran, you're in our sights. so he's you know, he's he's really rattling the sabre. but i think for netanyahu, this is this is about political survival. and also, you know, personal survival as well. he's you know, he was really facing not just being

thrown out. and, you know, he's hugely unpopular. thrown out by voters, but also possibly facing prosecution at home. so this is this is the sort of thing if he can pull off some crazy strategic victory against hezbollah and iran, then he can, you know, preserve, you know, they'll be building statues to him instead. does it not seem that it's becoming quite a common feature of democratically elected leaders that they have to maintain power in order to avoid a series of ruinous stay in stay until the right war comes along. >> well, yeah. fair play and take you down, or it can help you. >> i mean, he's had an extraordinary political career . extraordinary political career. it goes back at least 25 years now. he's been at the in the most volatile part of the world. he's a force of nature and israel is facing a lot of problems, even though it looks like it's absolutely storming, you know, the war against hezbollah, it's economically it's really up against the wall. its economy is not doing well at all. people are not buying walkie talkies anymore, are they ? walkie talkies anymore, are they? trick or treaters? he's going downhill. so you know, there's 60,000 palestinians who are going over to work in israel.

and, you know, they're not allowed to do it anymore for obvious reasons. so no more deliveroo in in tel aviv either. and also, of course, perhaps even more significantly, demographic shifts in the wider world and especially in america. yeah, they're losing support. we'll have a look at the times. kerry, >> oh, okay. let's do that then, shall we, we're on the, the story that migrants will be stuck in hotels for three years because the processing is taking so long. i've been in a hotel for three days, and i can tell you that's a nightmare. yeah, it's not as fun as you think it's not as fun as you think it's going to be, and the breakfast gets a bit samey. >> i'll tell alan partridge. >> i'll tell alan partridge. >> yes, alan partridge was a good example of that, there's 87,217, people awaiting decisions. there's an additional 137,525 awaiting appeals. this is being added to by people from small boats, which has been 25,000 this year. and it's all a bit like eating soup in the rain, apparently, that you can't keep up with that. >> this is another example of labour promising to sort things out lickety split once they get

into power, and then going, oh no, it's a lot more complicated and worse than we thought, and everything just carries on as it was. in fairness to labour, that's every politician, every politician who says, oh, this , politician who says, oh, this, this, this long standing problem that we've been struggling with, oh, we're going to be i'm not going to tell you how. yeah. keir starmer never said how he would do it. clean broom. yeah but i mean what's really happenedis but i mean what's really happened is he's making it worse because labour are, if anything, dangung because labour are, if anything, dangling more of a carrot. and as the rest of europe turns to the right, i mean, just yesterday we saw the austria for the first time since the second world war. they elected a sort of hard right, hard right party. well, they didn't elect them. they won the election. but obviously the other parties, the establishment will, you know, conspire to keep them from any power because that's democracy now, apparently, but i don't know why they do that. i mean, there's never been a problem with hard right austrians, has there? well, obviously , i mean, there? well, obviously, i mean, isuppose there? well, obviously, i mean, i suppose the hard right austrian, the anschluss came from above, but with the ethnic heritage. but the, but the critical mass is growing now. geert wilders was posting very

sort of triumphalist tweets today about just that. there's some truth to it. there's some force to that argument. britain's going to be the only the only place left that's welcoming people in and picking them up in the middle of the channelin them up in the middle of the channel in a nice boat, giving them a life jacket and then putting them in a hotel for three years. >> at the same time, you've got cleverly saying that the tories were wrong to say we could stop the boats in the first place. i wonder if they should have said slow the boats, maybe your boats down, maybe divert the boat a bit too ambitious. >> that's the front pages. done. no time for the matrix in the star. sadly, you'll have to read that in your own time. section two. we have the latest from the tory leadership jostling shocking news about immigration's benefits and a healthy dose of law and order.

and welcome back to headliners, where tomorrow's newspapers are presented with panache by myself, simon evans, joined by pan and ash . haha. myself, simon evans, joined by pan and ash. haha. i think it's supposed to be an insult, but

i'm not sure it quite landed, did it? never mind. i don't even know what it means. tuesday's telegraph. well, i suppose an ash pan is what you clear out the fire with, isn't it? it is. >> but why am i? am i pan or ash?i >> but why am i? am i pan or ash? i don't know. >> i don't know, pan. let's not overthink it. tuesday's telegraph to start this section. it sounds like robert jenrick has got the immigration bit between his teeth. >> well, as pan, i shall answer that. it's his migrant crime rate being covered up. says robert jenrick. this, of course, the tory conference is going on. and so the leadership challenge is all happening and we're seeing different, contenders showing off about how many people in their queues and so on for their various speeches and the main ticket we've seen from some and particularly with robert jenrick is on the migration issue. so what he's asking for is he says the public deserve to know the truth about crime committed by migrants in britain, which of course, the information is they're just not allowed to know it , apparently, allowed to know it, apparently, it sort of follows badenoch,

where she had an interview recently and she said that all cultures are not as valid, which was i'm not quite sure whether valid is a good word to use there, because that can have so many different connotations, but it's unquestionable that it would be weird if all cultures were exactly the same, you know? and obviously cultures have different crime rates, different views on social matters and so on. so this is asking she's sorry. >> she's she's asserted a value judgement isn't she. she said they're not all to be valued as much. i suppose is the point, i think i think it's a reasonable slightly i think it's slightly awkward. >> i mean i would, i don't it'd be nice if you gave a list of what the values were maybe, you know, not mutilating female genitals. >> that would be quite a high one on my list. for instance, not throwing gays. okay, but this is valid as a fairly this is valid as an umbrella, but it's also to down how we how we much more civilised ways of doing that. now we don't need to go all the way up the stairs. it's. yeah but yeah, i think that's absolutely right. and i think robert jenrick is raising the point that, like kyrees says, the data is there. the government could give us this data. they make excuses. they say, oh, no, it's not. it could

only be provided at a disproportionate cost. but if we look at data from around the world, from the us, from various countries in europe, denmark is a big one. denmark is a big one, is often shared online. denmark, because they have made these, they made league tables showing, showing how it's all looking, which is largely the crime coming from people from kuwait, tunisia , lebanon and somalia. tunisia, lebanon and somalia. when a german politician got into trouble for she actually was, i think, prosecuted for sharing the information that , sharing the information that, that afghan men are 40 times overrepresented as some, some type of sex offender. i think it might have been gang rape or something like that, although obviously, you know , we don't obviously, you know, we don't know if that was all just one big incident. but yeah, i mean, i think revealing this stuff because it goes against the left's utopian ideals that you know, everybody's know if we just bring people here, it'll all be fine. we'll have a melting pot, it'll be great. the food's wonderful. it's like telling a sort of because we're going against an ideology. if we look at this data, it's like telling a sort of 15th century

catholic cleric that, you know, the sun actually doesn't revolve around the earth. and is it not also just highly dishonest to say that, oh, it would it be expensive when in reality they're probably spending more money suppressing it? i would imagine, you know, just like make it available. >> sure. and also , i think >> sure. and also, i think creating more suspicion. people deserve to know the answers and we're sort of getting away at least from the, the immigration equafion least from the, the immigration equation we've had for a long time, which is immigration, immigration, good. full stop, which is, you know, from the school of more nuance. >> and from there we can proceed to right out i more telegraph to right out! more telegraph now, leo. this can't be right. living standards slump yet immigration has never been higher. i know immigration is supposed to be our greatest strength, but it's yeah, britain suffer slumping living standards as migration nears record high. and if you just look around you, you can see evidence yourself. look how me and kerry are dressed . it's terrible. but dressed. it's terrible. but yeah. surging. apparently the surging population has wiped out gains from economic growth as real gdp shrinks . so, you know,

real gdp shrinks. so, you know, we've seen some economic growth in the uk, but we've also seen a huge leap in population year on yean huge leap in population year on year, a lot of it driven. well, pretty much all of it driven by record levels of migration. so net migration was at 685,000 last year. but the actual gross migration, the number of people coming into the country, because obviously a lot of people, anybody who can leave is getting out at the moment. there was like 1.2 million people came into the country, plus a whole bunch of people. we don't know about, and we're always told, you know, all this social upheaval and, you know, terrorism and, you know, any elevation in crime levels, it's worth it because, you know, it's boosting the economy and we all benefit from that. but this population, this shows we're actually we're not benefiting benefiting from it. i mean, i think if you own a factory, you're benefiting from people who work, you know, the suppression of wages. and if you're a landlord , you're you're a landlord, you're benefiting because there's much more for competition property. but, you know, your regular working brit might not be benefiting as much. and this is before they all reach retirement

age as well. of course. yeah. yes of course. >> yeah . obviously there's these >> yeah. obviously there's these knock on effects which, which they don't really allow for. it's, you know, it's a bit like the, the magician who discovers he's cut his assistant in half and rather than deal with the problem and fix the box, he gets more and more assistance coming in and ends up in this pile of blood and body parts. and it's not really a good long term plan necessarily. is that a no. it's very famous. happened a lot. a known problem in the magic circle completely . really, circle completely. really, really, really common. >> one of the many secrets that you're sworn to keep. >> this is the thing about immigration. is it does solve a problem, but it also causes a kind of people inflation that you forever have to keep up with. what's interesting about the article is it's really about what they call the real gdp, because there's loads of different ways of representing the health of an economy. but real gdp measures the gdp per head, which is what shrunk by 0.3%. so that that has shrunk and we know it's going on. there's even people in prisons complaining, complaining about immigrants taking their cells. and really it's everything .

and really it's everything. everything feels strange from the nhs through to all these , the nhs through to all these, you know, people being, you know, hotels being packed. and so on. and whilst we try and process it, you look at gdp per person increases over the decades. >> and then as soon as blair opened the borders, you can see it just plateaus. well, it's been terrible since the crash hasn't it as well. but i mean, you could probably unpick a few different causes and correlations. kemi badenoch ipp per person. kemi badenoch now in the mail and she's on the back foot over her maternity pay comments a badenoch is most dangerous when cornered in fact. however, is that right? yeah, that's actually a fact. >> is that is this from a book of facts somewhere or your my, one of your writing taught me that in one of his nature walks , that in one of his nature walks, i saw the interview with her with laura kuenssberg, and it was where she was accused of saying maternity pay was excessive, which wasn't exactly what she was talking about. she was talking about business regulations and how that can can prevent small businesses from growing and so on. i did think

what she said was a little bit confused. and every now and then she does come out with one that like, like a comment about being working class for a few minutes with the right job, and she did say, and she did say that people have more had more children before maternity leave, which was also a slightly odd comment. she's not always the most eloquent. she's very direct. >> i think we didn't have contraception then. yeah, i know there was that as well. yeah. didn't allow women in. >> maybe that was a factor . >> maybe that was a factor. >> maybe that was a factor. >> there is some truth to it. i think that it is possible to overstate the degree to which you can solve all the problems with fiscal measures and subsidies and what have you. yeah. you know, but at some point you're going to have to get people and actually push them together. yeah and force. yeah. can you do that legally? i don't know. well, we'll just change the laws. yeah. have you seen the handmaid's tale. will it be that's our future working class or immigrants? >> who who are we allowed to do this with? is it everyone? >> it is getting nasty now, though, isn't it? at the top of the tory leadership, a little bit more needle as they approach the finishing line? >> yeah . which is also what >> yeah. which is also what she's complaining about here. people scoring points, i don't know. i mean, a part of it is

that's going to happen. we're at that's going to happen. we're at that stage now aren't we. where they're going to tear into each other a little bit, but i think so. 50. >> so. >> we'll see how it goes. i wouldn't write her off just yet. leo, we're staying with the mail. clearly, they're taking no pleasure at all in the ritual humiliation of a 13 year old female rioter. yes so a girl, 13, cries in her mother's shoulder as she becomes the youngest female rioter sentenced after trying to kick down a migrant hotel door. so it says here the teenager, the 13 year old girl left migrants absolutely terrified. i mean, i'm sure these 22 year old men from, you know, former former janjaweed two year old boys, if you don't mind . yeah. you know, you don't mind. yeah. you know, former child soldiers and stuff. i mean, sure, sure, they're terrified by this 13 year old girl. so it flips, the flips, the flips things on the groomers. well, that's exactly what occurred to me. you know, the idea that there are all these cowering, afghani fighting aged men behind a door in a hotel in a child of 13? maybe we should. maybe we should just ask her how she feels about these new arrivals in her town, whether she feels any fear or

anxiety. that's the thing. i mean, this whole scenario could have been avoided if the government didn't place, like, illegal immigrants, with people with communities who haven't asked for them. and where they cause friction when there's so many people who want them here. gary lineker, the ugly woman from dragon's den, there's loads of them. you stick them in their houses like just pass a law that says, listen, if you're going to if you're going to tweet saying, oh, they should all be here, then you get one. in fact, you get five. absolutely. you get five. in fact, the ugly woman from the apprentice. yeah. we just kick your door in. you're not allowed to lock anymore. if we're not allowed to border, you're not allowed to lock in your front door. >> we should. either of you have ever had a 13 year old girl hitting and kicking your door? by hitting and kicking your door? by the way ? terrified. by the way? terrified. >> absolutely. >> absolutely. >> none of these are awful. >> none of these are awful. >> well, i'm sure in their mind that she was like 15 skinheads outside you know, they had no idea. she hasn't. we say we should be clear about this. she's been sentenced to, you know, community service or something . something. >> she's she's got a 12 month referral order and a fine and a fine as well. yeah. >> she'll be all right. let's

have a look at across the atlantic now. kerry, is it the purge? is it kristallnacht , or purge? is it kristallnacht, or is it just a very rough howl from donald trump? >> it'sjust from donald trump? >> it's just trump being trump, isn't it, really? trump comes up with a way to cut crime that's worse than the death penalty . worse than the death penalty. so, he's he's saying that criminals need to be taught a lesson. and to do this, he suggested if you had one really violent day, one rough hour, and i mean real rough. this is so trouble. one word, one the world, the word sorry could get out and it would end immediately. this reminds me of when i was young and thought that if everyone had a bomb, the world would be safer because we'd all be. wouldn't upset anybody. yeah >> nuclear basically . it's >> nuclear basically. it's basically it's basically, it's basically it's basically, it's basically how the deterrent works, isn't it, >> i, you know, i think this is what's funny about this article, really. and it is quite funny is that he said a thing and then people have instantly compared it, compared it to the purge. and this is just one of those stories. that's story. by quoting social media. so it's another x user has said and this x user has said, oh, it sounds

like the purge. then another x user has said or it really sounds like the purge lmao. oh it sounds like the purge. laugh my. and then and then noah berlatsky said it sounded more like kristallnacht, which i really think he might be reaching there. >> oh, they love stretching. to compare trump to hitler. but this is i mean, this is trump running his mouth, but also he's talking about the police. he's saying like, if the police could just if they could just you know, go back to the 1960s, start beating hippies with sticks again , would have been a sticks again, would have been a great time to be a police officer. but and it's worked . officer. but and it's worked. you can see with bukele in el salvador , one of the highest salvador, one of the highest crime rates in the world. and he just unleashed the police. let them arrest anybody who's, like, associated with gangs. and lo and behold, no more violence. i think he was talking about one. i think he was talking about quite a specific thing as well to do with drugs and prescription drugs being stolen from drugstores. he mentions drugstores. so he really is saying something quite specific. if you if you raid a drug store, you get some rough treat. that is quite a long way from kristallnacht. unless i've missed something in the i don't know, i think people are saying

chris arnold isn't more. >> this is the authority rather than in the in the purge. it's the public who do it, who have their their purge. right. but i don't think it was a great film anyway. did you? >> it was absolutely the worst disappointment of the year. i thought. yeah, absolutely. i would have a tune in for trump's version. we are coming up to the halfway moment. it's the last dinner humiliate their male fans. we have ex—mp struggling with the job market. we've got a story to tell you that'll have you screaming. i'm mad as hell and not going to take it anymore. they're all coming up after the break. see

and welcome back to headliners. we'll head straight to tuesday's guardian. leo, where the nation's most confected band apologised for treating male fans like pariahs. although i think , to be honest, i think think, to be honest, i think they kind of deserve it. yeah, that's what i got from the article as well. so lincoln venue, that's a venue in

lincoln, not a guy called lincoln, not a guy called lincoln venue apologises for treatment of male gig goers at last dinner party concert. this band called last dinner party i've never heard of, but men who attended this concert alone tell how they were searched and asked condescending questions by security and also one of them says he was funnelled. this is the engine shed , a music venue. the engine shed, a music venue. he's funnelled into a dark corner with other men, told i might be a because i'm alone and then taken into a room alone with a security guard where i was interrogated and searched. feel sick? i don't know. a lot of people pay a lot of money for that kind of thing. >> sounds a bit pervy after all, they were right. >> yeah. and also, there's an all female band. i think i watched a bit of them. i know a tiny bit of their history or just something quite random. and i don't know whether this has been debunked, but for some time it was muttered darkly that there were dark powers like elevating this band. you know how that happens, right? suddenly, out of nowhere, astroturfing , basically harvey astroturfing, basically harvey weinstein types. yeah, well, it was just supposed to be an extraordinarily funny piece. they were supposed to be an

extraordinary degree of interest in the eamonn six music on the bbc and this sort of thing. in the eamonn six music on the bbc and this sort of thing . and bbc and this sort of thing. and everyone was going, i've never heard of this band. they sound rubbish. why are we being told that they're the hot new thing? do you know what i mean? it was kind of being forced on everyone and it just all kind of feels of and it just all kind of feels of a piece. i've watched a couple of clips of them. they're like a kind of indie emo version of the spice girls. >> yeah, like i got a feeling this is just publicity story as well. it feels like they probably released it themselves and said, oh no, they didn't have anything bigger to release. it also feels a bit like the guardian trying to show they care about men. yeah, like sort of guardian feel that they're getting it all wrong and they're sort of saying, oh, it's awful that men were checked getting into a club the other day. oh, that's terrible . this really is that's terrible. this really is a story about, some someone did something and it was a bit weird and everyone said, that's weird. and then they apologised and that's it. really, the guy as you say, he was, complained that he felt like he was being treated like a and then he was asked what his favourite song by the british group was. as if that proves you're not a. yeah, but also on the on the belief that single men are certainly briefed. >> anyone who does want to show

up as a now they know the questions that they're going to get, right? >> yes, they know for next time, which are the non songs. i'm not a. >> i a.- >> i have a.— >> i have two a. >> i have two favourite songs. yeah but it's an odd assumption to make, isn't it? >> we've seen a lot in the comedy clubs where it turns out there's a couple on a date who've gone to the club, and there's a comedian on stage who tells them they're really sad for why would you go to a comedy club? i'm always thinking, don't do that. yeah, they've come out to the comedy club. it's nice. >> encourage them . exactly. and >> encourage them. exactly. and you don't have to go that far as well to see all female groups and things these days. >> where do you go, simon? >> where do you go, simon? >> the times, another day, another complaint about bbc bias. is it about time they lost their licence , their licence, >> well, yeah, bbc coverage institutionally hostile to israel, say jewish groups. this is actually a new study that's done.i is actually a new study that's done. i looked through the study today and it's, it's very thorough, it involves, camera and there's several different, the board of deputies of british jews, the jewish leadership council, and so on, and the community security trust, who have referred to it and said the

bbc really needs to look into this and do something about it. there are there's example after example after example. now, of course, everyone thinks the bbc is biased against them. anyway, it's biased against me when there are definitely. but then for good reason. have you met you? but there's such a long list of examples and they're really strong examples showing where something is not only misreported, but then even after it's been a story, has been debunked, it stays on the website afterwards. and and with bbc arabic and so on. >> and so this is a non story. so these jewish groups, these three, three prominent jewish organisations say the bbc is biased against israel. let's see what the muslim organisations say. well they say it's biased against palestine. and they've had 4000 people complaining that the coverage was biased against israel, 4000 people equivalent, that the bias is towards israel. so, you know, i think i think the bbc, in fairness, if they're annoying everybody equally , then annoying everybody equally, then they're probably doing everything wrong. yeah. do you know how many ? know how many? >> do you know how many muslims there are compared to jews, due to like 0.5% of this country. so that's a very tiny percentage . that's a very tiny percentage. remember a much larger

percentage. so that would be relevant. but also the type of complaints would be relevant, anyway, the bbc have said this is just typical of those conniving jews and they're going to look into it any further , to look into it any further, including the former controller of the bbc, danny cohen. >> yes. yeah. well leo, erstwhile gb news presenter , is erstwhile gb news presenter, is struggling to get work in the education sector. according to the independent. this is a worrying development for those of us who are wondering what what we might move on to next. i was hoping it'd be a school janitor. yeah, this guy can't get work as a teacher. so unemployed ex—tory mp blames woke agenda for being unable to find a job. this is jonathan gullace who appears on gb news frequently and is really interesting, but he's been unemployed since losing his stoke on trent north seat and claimed his political views have stopped him from getting interviews. now. i think there's been a lot of, disdain towards him on on social media, but this is a this is a serious this is a serious thing. i mean, i think you've got an almost mccarthyist mindset in a lot of institutions and corporations where any sort

of expression of right wing sentiment, no matter how evidence based or how sensible it is, is sneered at and everybody's got to be a pink haired communist. so, and it is worth pointing out, by the way, i didn't know this until i saw the story successful teacher, and he taught , he said he had and he taught, he said he had a sort of persona that he taught in, which was quite sort of comical, but well developed . and comical, but well developed. and he was, you know, popular and liked and so on. you know, it's not something he's just decided to have a crack at, like he undoubtedly like an ex—chancellor going on to edit the evening standard or something. yeah, he'd be a great teacher. and he's had 30 interviews, apparently for teaching positions and hasn't hasn't got any of them. so, you know, i think i think he's probably he's probably completely right. >> but diversity is our strength. well that's what they keep telling us. i honestly think there's certain professions teachers emergency workers and so on that shouldn't be doing politics. i don't i think it's a very odd place for politics to be happening in staff rooms and so on. you can

have views, but mainly keep it to themselves. but we might have to themselves. but we might have to do is keep the tories back in, otherwise they won't be able to get any jobs. >> i suppose one thing they could do is do like blind, you know, like if they hire for orchestras, they have blind, blind, blind auditions and you need to have that. and not all teachers have got a trumpet. yeah. the express now carry perhaps the most enraging story of the evening, in my view. >> trans inmate who murdered baby stepdaughter must be allowed gender surgery in jail. so. yeah it's a trans inmate who wants to get the surgery done. and a judge has ruled that they should be allowed to because it's unconstitutional. it would be count as cruel and unusual punishment, which, of course, is exactly what this person has done, to a baby, i guess in a sense, society is judged by how we treat the worst cases. but there's a point where you just say, oh, come on, really, as you read through this, this person is referred to differently in different paragraphs as he they she. so it's kind of hard to

keep up with, the government has allowed them, panties , makeup allowed them, panties, makeup and form fitting clothes because of course, they need that for their pride in prison. although a straitjacket would be a lot cheaper , and, the crime was, was cheaper, and, the crime was, was was strangling an 11 month old child. so i don't think many you know, how we treat. and also, i believe there's more to it than this, called elianne , which is this, called elianne, which is the name of this person filed a separate lawsuit against the prison's chaplain last year, alleging that the chaplain stopped them from wearing a hijab, outside , because it was hijab, outside, because it was referred to. they say they identify as a muslim as well as a woman. well, see, that's what's going on. >> but we've seen a lot of male criminals who've been convicted of sex crimes or violent crimes, then suddenly deciding when they've been arrested . oh, by they've been arrested. oh, by they've been arrested. oh, by the way, i'm transgender, and we've seen it happen a lot because this this person will then be put if they're not put in a female prison like they are in a female prison like they are in scotland, which is a terrible place to put a male sex offender, then they're put in some sort of segregated special

prison where it's undoubtedly nicer than being in a male block. and they also remain a sort of main character as well, don't they? as well as getting preferential treatment, they have ongoing dramas. they're bringing cases. their life remains interesting. half of the point of prison is that everything is supposed to get incredibly dull and repetitive, instead of which they're sort of engagedin instead of which they're sort of engaged in some ongoing court drama. and it has a further impact on the victim, although unfortunately, the victim's dead in this case. but you know, the victim's family. >> yeah. who have to put up with this and be forced under pain of prosecution to refer to this bloke as a woman. and this person was also stopped from committing or carrying out an attempted castration, which might not have been a bad thing just to look the other way. >> huge crime and police anti—corruption operation now bears fruit in the male leo. yeah, so anti—corruption officers carried out a sting operation to catch a colleague taking toilet roll from work. this is in a police station. so after a cleaner reported items missing, loo rolls were coated with an invisible dye . i've done with an invisible dye. i've done that sometimes. which? which only shows up under a uv light.

so it does. it does as well. i'd give it five minutes if i was you . one rule. one rule was you. one rule. one rule was found in the car of pc julie smith . he's found in the car of pc julie smith. he's an found in the car of pc julie smith . he's an officer for 20 smith. he's an officer for 20 years. she's now accused of gross misconduct. and the panel heard that other loo rolls, which are larger than domestic ones. so these massive ones, you know, the ones that are like a cheese that you roll down a hill, a small suitcase to take that. hill, a small suitcase to take that . yeah. it's amazing. how that. yeah. it's amazing. how much is she pooping this is insane. why does she need a toilet roll that big? it's a pathological need to steal, isn't it? which is all it is. euros covid. >> she claimed she wanted to clean up a spill, which is why she needed the toilet paper. and it had dried up by the time she got to it . which is wonderful got to it. which is wonderful excuse, but a spill. why? like why? like most about this story is the guy who caught her anti—corruption investigator steve brompton. and so he came up with the idea of putting the invisible dye on the uv light. and i'm sure he thought, this is going to be a film. this is, you know , this is serious. know, this is serious. >> seven of line of duty we're looking at here isn't it? why can't the police do this for other crimes that don't affect

police stations? like do this for masca busy with this. they could investigate other like, civilian crimes. how about that? >> oh, well, that sounds as good as the mystery of the toilet roll. come on. >> that's part three in the can. if you'll forgive the expression coming up, the world's healthiest kids are not where you might expect. and the secret to risk free office gossip. we'll

and welcome back to headliners for the final section, kicking off with tuesday's mail carry, where the world's healthiest kids are in africa. and yet we prevented all those poor refugees from raising a family. >> there , revealed where in the >> there, revealed where in the world kids are healthiest , world kids are healthiest, according to exercise, sleep and screen time. then it says , so screen time. then it says, so where does the uk rank? and then it doesn't tell us we actually find out from a different study on the next page, but not from this study . so why are they this study. so why are they saying that? i'm not quite sure, because this is actually done by continent, and this is a pooled

analysis data from 33 countries. and what they found out that was in first came african nations, where the kids are healthiest, right? europe comes second. so we can be a part of that. we can say, well, we're second. although on the next page we find that a different study done by who suggests british children are far behind their contemporaries when it comes to physical activity. we don't quite find out where we are. i don't think without studying this carefully. but this was this carefully. but this was this was, 212 per sorry. it's a total of 7000 children from 33 nations, which works out to 220 12 children per country. but that's over 14 years. so it sounds to me like the people doing the study were pretty lazy and probably spent too much time with screen time, you know, and i think they're picking, you know, things , picking things know, things, picking things like screen time. >> they're saying, oh, this kid's healthier because he's got less time on his screen, but he's working in a lithium mine. yeah. he's you know, he's not healthy . like that's not you healthy. like that's not you know, what have we measured like number of flies in your face or, you know, the amount of times you've been had to been forced

to serve in an army? well, even if they are as children attending small village schools in africa, they won't have access to screens or a lot of the technology that. >> no, but they're on tiktok a lot, and they do a lot of dancing, and i think that's their secret. you know, unless a tiktok is misleading me. it's also interesting that australia and new zealand came right down near the bottom. these are the countries you go to where everyone shows off at their outdoor people and makes fun of us being all indoorsy people, but maybe africa should have a fundraiser for us. >> yeah, the bob geldof of africa should. sounds good. i do think i mean, in those years i can't believe that kids have, by traditional standards, are pretty healthy childhood. you know, i can believe that between the ages of 3 or 8, lots of outdoor time, you know, running around, having fun, you know, but then why not australia? >> why not new zealand? do you think you'd get the same? >> that's true. telegraph. now, leo, they have a classic in soviet russia joke, but it appears to be true. so there's a man. this is a hilarious story. a russian hockey team has been jailed for humiliating their fsb rivals in a mass brawl. so the fsb is like the russian secret service. that's what putin was

head of the fsb. so you don't miss if you're in russia, you don't mess with the secret service. they're like a serious thing. they should have played for the draw. we have a bit of footage of it, apparently. i think they can roll this for. us. now, to be fair, that is what ice hockey normally looks like. yes it is sometimes some ice hockey breaks out. yeah, most of the time they're just they're just fighting . but yeah. so this just fighting. but yeah. so this team they they basically had a big fight with the fsb and now they've been thrown in jail. but do they know they're in russia. they're lucky they're not dead. well they probably will be dead soon. i mean, this is like you don't stop clapping for stalin. you certainly don't punch the fsb in the face. >> no, but the fsb are the ultimate bad losers, aren't they ? ultimate bad losers, aren't they? when you when you when you say, oh, we've really lost this one, we'll just put you all in jail. that's not a good i think it's not very sportsmanship at all. i mean, really, they shouldn't be

jailing them. they should be sending them to war. it sounds like they need them right now. >> we have another story for you now, kerry, this is the times a postgraduate study has determined something surely familiar to playwrights and novelists for at least the last few hundred years, >> yes, it turns out women gossip and they're quite good at it. more than men and more maliciously. this study was done by tanya reynolds, who studies gossip of all things. >> absolutely worth at least 100,000 of anyone's taxpayer's money. >> yes , totally, >> yes, totally, >> yes, totally, >> well, it's nice to see a university study that isn't about what calling someone racist , you know, is the racist, you know, is the country. i'm surprised it's not as gossip racist. it is actually as gossip racist. it is actually a gossiping tactic that they've exposed. >> it's about a gossiping tactic. and she talks a lot here about the fact that women gossip and how they gossip. and it does sound like she is gossiping about women as a as a whole here, >> but just summarise it for us. something to do with expressing concern. >> okay . the tactic is to, she >> okay. the tactic is to, she had people gossiping in different ways and she found that when a woman gossips

particularly seems to be a woman gossips by saying she's concerned for the person she's gossiping about, concerned for the person she's gossiping about , then that gossiping about, then that becomes. yes, exactly. >> i'm worried for her. >> i'm worried for her. >> yeah, i'm worried for her because of the way she dresses. and so on, and she actually recommends at the end that that's the method you should use, which is kind of odd way to end the article. so she's obviously for , malicious gossip. obviously for, malicious gossip. >> so it sounds that way. leo, this might be our last story. let's see. life as a dystopian cyberpunk novel. this is in the telegraph and from japan. yeah. so suicide watch drones are patrolling a notorious japanese forest. so officials have deployed these unmanned drones to carry out sweeps on the mount of on the slopes of mount fuji to prevent people from taking their own lives and loads of people. and this is sort of like the opposite of the drones in ukraine, which go out to make sure the russians die . this is sure the russians die. this is this is doing the opposite, to try and stop people who might be killing themselves. the first recorded suicide in this forest was in the 1920s, when the son of a wealthy couple wanted to marry a waitress. the man's parents opposed the union, so the couple went to this forest to kill themselves.

>> they were the romantic forest of suicide. >> yeah. and since then , there's >> yeah. and since then, there's like 215 people killing themselves each year. japanese people just love killing themselves . probably cut the themselves. probably cut the forest down. these suicides. >> yes, but don't don't pulp it and make books because people will read the books. and then this can be a sci fi novel themselves in a in a multi—storey car park, just concrete. >> the whole thing. but do you remember there was a. i can't remember there was a. i can't remember his name, but he's very famous podcaster youtube caster who went there and he made a thing about it. and then about this forest . yeah. really? yes. this forest. yeah. really? yes. that's right. the one who's become a boxer, isn't it? yeah. and he was very nearly cancelled for it. he made a sort of tongue in cheek, but they were like, no , in cheek, but they were like, no, no, this is really serious. there are people serious. you filmed people hanging from .

the verdict bbc has apologised to amanda abbington over giovanni pernice his behaviour in strictly's bullying row. and finally, the daily star. the matrix is real, so those were your pages. that's all we have time for. thanks to kerry and leah we're back tomorrow at 11 pm. with kerry, josh, paul and ringo. and if you're watching at 5 am, stay tuned for breakfast. otherwise thank you and good night . night. >> that warm feeling inside from boxt boilers sponsors of weather

on . gb news. on. gb news. >> hi there! welcome to the latest update from the met office for gb news. the next 24 hours stays damp and blustery in the east, but it does dry up elsewhere. brighter skies coming along in the west later on tuesday. finally, a drier period to give us all a respite from all the rain. but it is going to take its time as this low slowly clears eastwards. it's still going to bring further rain to northern england into parts of the midlands overnight. east anglia, as well as north wales. now that rain does turn more showery in the west, the north and the northwest, seeing plenty of clear spells overnight under those clear skies , temperatures those clear skies, temperatures falling into the single figures. but it's blustery elsewhere as we start off tuesday and there's certainly more rain to come across parts of east midlands into east anglia and down that nonh into east anglia and down that north sea coast. now we've got a few showers across aberdeenshire into the great glen, but otherwise plenty of bright weather across much of northern

and western scotland. northern ireland a lovely start to the day. blue skies here, just 1 or 2 mist patches. likewise for northwest england, but for wales and the southwest areas of cloud floating about and a few showers. nevertheless, it's the eastern side of england where we continue to see a strong wind , continue to see a strong wind, gales for some exposed north sea coasts and further spells of rain, the rain tending to become lighter through the day. but it's going to stay feeling miserable, i think, under that wet weather and with a lot of low cloud, along with the brisk breeze, temperatures of 12 or 13 celsius in the east, whilst further west where we do get some sunshine, 15 to 17 degrees. now into wednesday there'll be yet more showers coming in on a north easterly breeze across parts of east anglia into the southeast, but elsewhere much brighter skies . scotland, brighter skies. scotland, northern ireland, northern england, west wales and the southwest seeing plenty of sunshine. those sunny skies transfer east through thursday and into friday, so a few days at least of drier and brighter

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well. >> a very good evening to you. i'm martin daubney and this is gb tonight. now party conference season is almost over with just the tories left to finish up before parliament returns next week. but one thing has been made very, very clear. the tories are a major need of reform. nigel farage is kind of reform because tory heavyweights are warning that the conservative party might disappear if they don't move to the right. but in a moment i'll be asking a tory why they think reform will even want them . next reform will even want them. next up, today marks the end of an era. sad moments britain has closed its last surviving coal

fired power station , in a move fired power station, in a move that coincides also with the closure of the last blast furnace at one of the world's biggest steelworks in wales. thousands will wake up tomorrow without jobs in a move that is bound to have devastating effects on its local communities. i'll be speaking to lee anderson about this in a bit. of course, a former coal miner and record numbers of asylum seekers claiming to be children have been caught out after they lied to gain extra protection from being sent home. now, two years ago, an aspiring royal marine was fatally stabbed by an illegal immigrant pretending to be 14 years old when actually he was 19 and a double killer. when will the government learn its lesson ? government learn its lesson? well, it's the show. we've got a cracker ahead. all of that to come. so do get in touch with your thoughts on today's topics by going to gbnews.com/yoursay.

is it a good idea for reform and the tory parties have a non—aggression pact, or is that thing? is that the way madness lies? let me know your thoughts. but first, here's your news headunes but first, here's your news headlines and it's sophia wenzler . wenzler. >> martin. thank you. good evening. these are your headunes evening. these are your headlines at 7:00. it's being reported that israel has informed the us of plans for a potential ground assault on lebanon, with troops reportedly positioned for an incursion. it comes as the country's prime minister benjamin netanyahu, said there is nowhere in the middle east that israel cannot reach. meanwhile, reuters is reporting hezbollah has attacked israel using a ballistic missile. it comes after the lebanese prime minister has said up to 1 million people have been displaced, as fighting between israel and hezbollah continues. the uk government has confirmed this afternoon that it secured more seats on commercial aircrafts to allow british

nationals to leave