nigel farage's ability off about nigel farage's ability to balance the books , and to balance the books, and stephen fry dropping stonewall faster than poundland bauble. honestly, it's like the nation's auditioning for a new series of carry on crumbling. and if that's not enough to get your tinsel in a twist, sir keir starmer handed lord mandelson, the man who mistook mushy peas for avocado in the red wall. he's been given a starring role as our ambassador to trump's america. because nothing quite says special relationship like sending eu obsessive mandy, who called trump a danger to the world. pass me the mulled wine, my friends. i need it already. who's advising starmer at this rate.7 i've got to ask, is it eddie izzard.7 because you go across to oxford university, that once great bastion of brainpower, and it's been accused of lowering academic standards to hit those pesky diversity quotas. matt, it's absolute madness. is this progress to actually say, well,

you know, we need to get more bums on seats that are more colourful than white kids being exclusively there. so we're going to drop our standards. why strive for excellence when you can just hand out degrees based on skin colour, like christmas crackers being handed out round your table.7 and the piece de resistance, of course, is that high court judge citing an islamic fatwa to make a judgement? that's the islamic council, run by a man with more regressive views than women being judged in the victorian era, now being used in british law. where does that lunacy get us? hopefully, by the time the courts start dishing out sentences in camel lengths, i'll be long under. so grab your prosecco, pop on your sequins, and prepare for a show as catty as well, and as cutting as a christmas panto. the saturday five my friends. it's time to dish the dirt, light the fire and get this show on the road. you at home, you know the drill. by you at home, you know the drill. by now. each host outlines their argument about a chosen topic.

then we all pile in and the fur starts to fly. of course we want your views as well. send your views and post your comments by visiting gbnews.com/yoursay. don't forget your questions for ask the five. no topic is off limits. but before we start tearing each other apart, here's your saturday night news with sophia wenzler. >> darren. thank you. it's just gone. 6:00. these are your headlines. at least five people, including a nine year old child, have been killed after a car drove into crowds at a christmas market in germany. german media are naming the alleged suspect as talib al abdullah mohsen, a 50 year old saudi doctor with reported islamophobic views. he's been arrested and faces charges of murder and attempted murder, as chancellor olaf scholz promises a full investigation. german prosecutors are saying the motive is still unclear, though

the attackers dissatisfaction of the attackers dissatisfaction of the treatment of saudi refugees in germany may have been a factor. flowers have been laid at the scene ahead of a memorial service in the city's cathedral, which has just got underway. european leaders, including sir keir starmer, have expressed solidarity, calling the attack horrific, while us president joe biden says his team has been in close touch with german officials following the attack. in other news, time is running out for pensioners to claim pension credit and secure their winter fuel payment for 2024 to 2025, with the deadline just hours away. online applications close at 11:59 pm. and phone lines have now closed. around 760,000 pensioners could miss out, with the benefit topping up weekly incomes and unlocking extra support. the change, announced by chancellor rachel reeves, means winter fuel payments now go only to those on means tested benefits, slashing

recipients from 11.4 million to just 1.5 million. scrap staff parking charges that's the call from unions, as new research reveals , 1 in 4 nhs trusts in reveals, 1 in 4 nhs trusts in england have raised fees for patients, staff or both in the last two years. patients charities say the charges unfairly penalise unwell people, while nhs leaders argue financial pressures leave trusts little choice but to charge the rises, often targeting city centre hospitals have seen higher earners pay more, while nhs staff collectively spent over £70 million on parking last yeah over £70 million on parking last year. unions say health workers are on their knees and need support, not extra costs, as they face the strain of chronic understaffing and the fallout from the pandemic. the department of health insists fees are locally set but must be reasonable. and wet, windy and wild. christmas travel plans for

millions could be blown off course this weekend. yellow weather warnings for wind cover much of the uk, with gusts of up to 80 miles an hour for scotland and northern coastal areas. the weather has led to the cancellation of some ferry services. road closures. flight cancellations at heathrow airport and rail disruption. showers could bring snow and icy conditions to parts of scotland, with strong winds making sunday's journeys exhausting, according to the rac. winds will ease by monday, though, and a mild and cloudy christmas is on the cards for most of the uk. those are the latest gb news headlines. now it's back to darren for the very latest gb news direct to your smartphone, sign up to news alerts by scanning the qr code or go to gbnews.com/alerts.

>> thank you very much, sophie. it's saturday night, my friends, and you're with the saturday five. i'm darren grimes, and i can promise that you're in for a very lively show. a lot of you messaging in to say that you miss your willie. well, i'm afraid. i'm afraid willie is in australia and someone called fred just replied saying, well, lose some weight then i'll let you decide what that gag is about. right. let's crack on with tonight's first debate. i'm going to abuse my position here and kick us off. brace yourself for this one. take a deep breath in. something's happening in this country that should send shockwaves through each of us. britain's legal system is getting dangerously cosy with islamic religious authority. the times reports that a high court decision is undermining the very heart of secular law, all thanks to a fatwa, which is a religious ruling from a sharia council. yeah, you heard that right, my

friends. a british judge used an islamic fatwa to decide whether a five year old to feed a raqeeb, should live or die. she'd suffered brain damage, and doctors were ready to turn off her life support. but her parents, with the help of the islamic council of europe, founded by the. well, not exactly moderate haitham al—haddad, got a fatwa declaring it impermissible to end her life support. the judge actually cited that fatwa as a reason to keep the girl alive, even though doctors said she had no chance of recovery. now, ignoring what you think about that girl's chances, this isn't just any fatwa. this is from a council run by a man whose views on women are dodgier than del boy's market stall, and they've been branded misogynistic by the former extremism commissioner,

dame saira khan. the fella has even been sanctioned by the us and the eu for his views on women's rights. and yet his opinions used to influence a british court. a man who took a fact finding trip to meet the taliban. british courts ought to say they don't give a flying flamingo about this man's fatwa. this isn't just one case. it's a warning. the uk has been pulled into a dangerous orbit where shana into a dangerous orbit where sharia courts are gaining influence. fatwas ought to have no place in our legal system. just where, my friends. does this madness take us in 2025? well, chloe, i mean, looking at this, the times obviously released the list of and the number of sharia councils in this country, and we are the capital in the western world of

shana capital in the western world of sharia courts. i mean, does that give you pause for thought? should there ever be a fatwa taken as a reason, and used by a judge in a british court of law? >> absolutely not. now, regardless of what you think in this child's case, giving, using citing this fatwa in the high court that gives legitimacy to these sharia courts, we should not be giving any legitimacy to these whatsoever. i didn't even know if they existed, to be honest. before this times report, i was horrified to see that in britain you can come and live here and ignore the rule of law in this country and just come up with your own. use shana come up with your own. use sharia law instead, and go get your marriages and divorces done under this quack court. i mean, it is just absolutely terrifying to see this is happening in britain. these should be outlawed. >> connie. >> connie. >> i mean, i think it's another example of our country happily absorbing this example