needed. warnings are definitely needed. i'm stephen allen tonight. i've got the comedians , lewis got the comedians, lewis schaffer and archie manners with us talking you through tomorrow's newspapers. what does that say.7 this is headliners. yep. hello and welcome to headliners, your first look at tomorrow's top stories with three comedians. before we dive in, let's take a look at what lewis and archie will have to take a look at on saturday's front pages. we can start with the daily mail, labour's £400 tax hit to your family holiday. the telegraph goes with farage. musk will help us to beat the tories. the times grants and cheap loans to install solar panels. the eye has water firms fined just £2 by watchdog despite record sewage levels. even i can't afford that. the express 2024 was the year of the cancer vaccine, and the star goes with ghost of diana found

me a husband. well, hopefully we'll get to that one. to find out more. but let's start with the daily mail. lewis. >> the daily mail, £1.60 tomorrow, saturday. >> oh, so it's friday today. >> oh, so it's friday today. >> is it friday? yeah, but just answer the question. >> tomorrow's paper says you've answered a question from the top of the show. i don't know what day of the week it is. it's somewhere between christmas and new year. >> i just thought you were kidding when you said that. no, it is friday today. >> oh, i know you're old, but it is friday, i promise. >> i celebrate the lack of celebration over christmas that there's like, absolutely nothing for someone like me to do. there's no family, there's no love. just the audience and my new friends. archie, anyway, says it says labour's £400 tax hit to your family holiday. what the typical family will pay air passenger duty to fly long haul. this is how much it will cost. 400 extra pounds to go to disney world in florida. that's for a family family of four, which means it's 100 extra pounds for means it's100 extra pounds for you to go home, which is bad news for the rest of britain. well, i wouldn't say disney world is my home though. i am wearing a disney tie. >> i like the tie. >> i like the tie. >> i like the tie. >> i think if you did a whip

round, you'd have your flight home paid for. >> oh, they actually did that in australia. they collected money for me in frankston. probably it's not even on twitter, but not on twitter. on google. i'm a little upset that archie's here. he's going to be a bright light of the show. and i think we need fewer. we need fewer bright lights. >> i'm a posh idiot in the cornerjust sniping and i think that's what we need. >> we need, we need do we? did we have a posh? >> no. i think posh people don't have enough opportunities in british politics and comedy don't have enough young, posh people. >> so i'm here to balance it out. >> yes, but you could have been even more successful. >> i could have been anything. that's the great joy of being posh. exactly. >> but they're keeping you down. so imagine how great you would be if they weren't keeping you down, am i right? >> i'm not on the front page of the daily mail, lewis. >> so let's let's go back. >> so let's let's go back. >> so let's let's go back. >> so this. oh, you're now hosting the show? >> no, it's a good point. >> no, it's a good point. >> well made. >> well made. >> it is a good point. >> it is a good point. >> the £400. and i believe someone mentioned £400 on a family holiday. yes. >> tell us exactly what it was just saying is that labour is taxing everybody and they're saying they're not taxing people. and a family of four that goes to disney world and

basically a basic a basic family in this country would go to disney world because they love their children. >> calling them basic. basic, yes, mean girl. >> they want to go, they like disney and i'm wearing my disney tie. >> as a posh person. i've also got to say they are hiking even more for private jets, which we also need to feel very, very sorry for. it's actually much w0 i'se. woi'se. >> worse. >> they fly private. it's more than 400, so we should address that too. >> is it? >> is it? >> is it? >> is there a tax to leave the country if i've never gone on a private jet in my life. >> but i do know the tax is higher. the apd is higher for private jets. >> can i can i just say something to archie? >> why not? >> why not? >> don't don't tell people you never took a private jet. that's your trope. that's your. that's my thing. >> it's my usp. no, never. sadly. >> ask a question. >> ask a question. >> is it? no. let's move on. see if we make any sense of. oh, archie, someone who might actually know what he is talking about. this, the times. what? have they gone there? >> the times are going on. >> the times are going on. >> rather a boring story, but it is between christmas and new year that millions of homeowners will be given grants and cheap loans to convert their properties to solar power. so this is part of ed miliband's great scheme. it's going to cost £6.6 billion, the warm home

allowance. so we're going to warm it by the sun, which again doesn't seem that clever. it seems a very obvious thing to do. like what's the original heat source in the world. it's the sun. so ed miliband goes, well, let's just do that. >> does the sun come to england? >> does the sun come to england? >> the sun does come to england, but not liverpool. yeah. so that's what he's planning on doing, ed miliband. and by 2030 we're all going to be solar powering our homes, which is very exciting. >> i mean obviously if it works, if you know, if it works and if it brings us cheaper electricity, whatever, i'll have a slice of anything. >> £6.6 billion to pay. >> £6.6 billion to pay. >> if someone else pays it. >> if someone else pays it. >> it's not going to bring us cheapen >> it's not going to bring us cheaper. it's coming out of it's coming 6.6 billion. that was the money that was going to go to the old people to pay for their fuel to begin with, so they can at least have fuel. >> it won't need fuel. we've got the sun, we've got the sun. >> the sun is the original fuel source of the world. and then they're also making the story, as lots of people are. the sad news about keir starmers brother dying on boxing day. >> we're not allowed to make a joke about that. >> just as a correction, i wasn't planning on it. >> the sun is the original source of energy. apart from nuclear fission, the energy and

the uranium nuclei was already there. it was produced by other stars going supernova before. i think we can all agree on that. >> do you know something? we can't agree on that. as we all know, velikovsky, you could have said anything. >> velikovsky the words individually, but as a sentence together. yeah, straight over my head. >> you would have ignored it and i could have said anything and lewis would have disagreed with it no matter what i said. >> that's totally not true, as people are beginning to find out i'm not so disagreeable. i just i'm not so disagreeable. ijust have a set view and i don't accept your view. >> you're saying that the energy of the nucleus of a uranium atom wasn't formed in the sun? >> no, the sun is. >> no, the sun is. >> the sun is the sun. i'm switching off and i'm in the room, so i don't know what you're doing at home, what it is. i've checked out of this conversation, but probably having a better time is the sun is this is. >> the sun is a cathode, and the sky is filled with filaments of electricity, and it's flowing from one place to another. >> and there's a copy of a daily telegraph tomorrow. >> and the sun and the sun is just, is, just sends it out to us and we receive it. that's what the aurora borealis is. it's that filament of electricity coming from the sun that's got nothing to do with uranium atoms at all, though, is it? >> right? we can go to the

telegraph. >> no, no it doesn't, it has. there were no uranium. you said uranium. yeah. yeah. it wouldn't. there'd still be filaments of electricity. single. >> i don't disagree with what i said. >> because you because you think the sun is producing any electricity. >> what earth has happened to this show? i am so confused what i've been booked on. it's like bnan i've been booked on. it's like brian cox has had a meltdown and turned grey in america. >> he went rogue back in the day. late night, bbc two. no one ever watched it, but they used to do this. if i had a wider tire, we could redo it or we could talk about the telegraph. >> let would you let would you let steve do his job? >> we're in capable hands here. it wasn't steve. >> i was your worst show ever, lewis. >> this is my worst. because he's killing me. he's killing me. the telegraph. oh, is this me? oh, sorry. i don't want to be here. this is what i