the cutest his patience. what is the cutest kind of cpr? and is feudal land ownership a thing of the past? i�*m josh howie and tonight i'm joined by simon evans and nick dixon to take you through tuesday�*s top stories. this is tuesday's top stories. this is headliners. you know the drill. before tomorrow�*s news, let�*s go to tonight's headlines with sam francis. >> josh, thank you. and good evening to you. just after 11:00. the top stories sir keir starmer says resolving the war in ukraine will be the test of our times, as he vows britain will now lead from the front in securing peace. the prime minister told mps that russia poses a direct threat to the uk, carrying out cyber attacks and even assassination attempts on british streets. it comes after a week of talks with volodymyr

zelenskyy donald trump and european leaders, but tensions between kyiv and washington rumble on, with trump saying zelenskyy should have been more appreciative of us support. zelenskyy, meanwhile, insists peace is needed as soon as possible. two people have been killed and ten others injured after a car drove into pedestrians in the city of mannheim in germany. police say the 40 year old suspect is believed to have acted deliberately, but they have ruled out a political motive, pointing to mental ill health after the crash. he shot himself but survived and is in hospital in a stable condition. five of the injured remain in a serious condition, and officers are treating the two deaths as murder. farmers are planning fresh protests tomorrow against the government's inheritance tax changes, with a so—called pancake day rally. they�*re angry pancake day rally. they're angry at plans to tax agricultural land and property worth over £1 million, which is currently exempt at 20% from april 2026.

the chancellor, rachel reeves, is now being accused of ignoring farmers concerns while softening tax rules for wealthy non—doms. conservative mps say the policy shows labour doesn't understand shows labour doesn�*t understand rural communities. pope francis is now back on mechanical ventilation after suffering two episodes of acute respiratory failure on monday. today, the vatican says doctors intervened to clear mucus from his lungs, though the 88 year old remained alert throughout. it�*s now his third setback since he was admitted to hospital 18 days ago with pneumonia. the pontiff will miss wednesday's lent celebrations. that's now the third week in a row he's been too ill to deliver his sunday prayer in person. and last night, hundreds gathered in saint peter�*s square to pray for his recovery. and the ceasefire in gaza is on the brink of collapse, with israel halting humanitarian aid until hamas accepts a new deal. that proposal, backed by the united states, would extend the truce by 50 days during ramadan and

passover in exchange for half the remaining hostages. hamas, though, says israel is just avoiding talks as pressure grows from the un to resume aid for the hostages still held in gaza. reports describe severe hunger and protests in israel are intensifying to see the full release of all remaining hostages. those are the latest headlines. plenty more still to come right here with headliners. >> for the very latest gb news, direct your smartphone. sign up to news alerts by scanning the qr code, or go to gbnews.com/advent alerts. >> james matthewson. >> james matthewson. >> hello, welcome to headliners, where we give you the best of tomorrow's newspapers with the best of today's comedians. first things first, we're gonna have a look at what's going on on the front pages. the daily mail. trump i won�*t put up with trump i won't put up with zelenskyy for much longer. telegraph trump to zelenskyy

your time's almost up and the guardian us rift with ukraine guardian u5 rift with ukraine grows as europe seeks ceasefire. so grows as europe seeks ceasefire. 50 more front pages in a couple so more front pages in a couple of minutes. but first, simon, let's go to the big story on tuesday's daily mail. >> yes, as you said, trump won't. >> no, no, no. the megan megan's >> no, no, no. the megan megan�*s new series. oh, i�*m so sorry. new series. oh, i'm so sorry. >> yes of course overlook that. yeah. >> it says it has. >> it says it has. >> striking similarities. >> striking similarities. >> to pam's. >> to pam's. >> show. >> show. >> which is the point at which i feel unable. >> to comment any further. >> to comment any further. >> pamela anderson maybe? >> pamela anderson maybe? >> i suppose so. >> i suppose so. >> yeah, yeah, it's big news. big news? >> yeah, poor old pammy. >> yeah, poor old pammy. >> but world war iii. >> but world war iii. >> you know, people come through all the time and she's just going to have to get used to the fact that she's yesterday's blonde trump. >> i won't put. >> i won't put. >> up with zelenskyy. >> up with zelenskyy. >> for. >> for. >> much longer. a fresh. salvo as president considers ending ukraine aid. i don't suppose anyone remotely interested in the news has managed to avoid this ongoing sliding catastrophe over the last few days since friday, the meeting that blew up in the white house, the

extraordinarily bad blood that emerged between zelenskyy vance and trump, it still remains, i think, for a lot of people, the sort of black gold or white black dress kind of media event of recent years, depending on who who is felt to have provoked this sort of sudden. >> to be the bad blood was there >> to be the had blood was there in the weeks leading up to it. absolutely. and itjd vance. absolutely. and it jd vance. >> you could even say that in the in the months leading up to it, when he was campaigning for biden, of course, that was probably not wise in hindsight, but it has been interesting that a lot of people, you know, independent commentators who have, broadly speaking, been in zelenskyy's court have said he�*s zelenskyy�*s court have said he�*s made a tactical error here. and i think, to be fair, trump's rhetoric has some weight to it personally that he is saying that it�*s ridiculous for europe that it's ridiculous for europe to say, don't worry ukraine, to say, don't worry, ukraine, we've got your back. but we would like america to provide a

sort of security backstop is like, come on, don�*t be foolish. like, come on, don't be foolish. we all know who's who's packing and who, who's who, who's got and who, who�*s who, who's got empty trousers. >> i mean, this is what it really comes down to is security guarantees. they want zelenskyy to, you know, to announce some ceasefire. they're angry here because zelenskyy said today that the war could go the end of the war could be very far away. but of course, without any security backing from america, what what is why is zelenskyy going to go. yeah, yeah, well, let's just give up now. >> yeah. >> yeah. >> i mean trump. >> i mean trump. >> sees it the other way. he wants to. >> get it. >> get it. >> started and. stop the killing, as he would say, and then start. >> to talk about things like that. >> zelenskyy is like, no, no, we. >> need it first because. >> need it first because. >> putin has betrayed us in the past. so that's the problem. past. 50 that's the problem. you're not going to. >> my problem is zelenskyy didn�*t. >> seem ready anyway. he was. >> seem ready anyway. he was. >> calling putin. >> calling putin. >> a terrorist. you could see his rage. obviously he hates putin, but. >> he just didn't seem to me like he was ready to negotiate. he was supposed to be there in the us's mind to sign a minerals deal the us's mind to sign a minerals deal, basically done and dusted. then he turned it into this

spectacle. i slightly disagree with simon. i've just seen loads of people saying we love zelenskyy 100% of people saying we love zelenskyy100% trump bad. except for peter mandelson, weirdly. who was? he was very realistic on it and said we has to get the deal, he has to come back to trump. but then luke pollard of laboun trump. but then luke pollard of labour, he him, by the way, still has pronouns in his twitter bio didn't get the memo. twitter bio didn�*t get the memo. he shot down mandelson and said no, mandelson is wrong on that. >> so but other people were saying that this is deliberate, this is labour playing both sides because peter manson, of course, being the. >> yeah, well i think it could be that mandelson's position is the real one. and starmerjust doing the hugging and the grandstand. that's my theory. grandstand. that�*s my theory. but it's very hard to tell, isn't it? i don't know, it's isn�*t it? i don't know, it's worrying though isn't it. because as you say. >> it could i mean, it could easily be simply that mandelson has to live there. i mean, it could just be the proximity. >> next to him just out of shot. say the thing, peter. yeah, man. in a big chalk striped suit, drumming his fingers. >> flicking a coin between his knuckles, you know. >> yeah. saying that, i mean, some people are saying that it was an ambush set up from day one, and i heard. >> that on both sides. i've heard that zelenskyy is ambushing trump. you know, he got the pictures out. he did it.

i�*ve heard trump was ambushing zelenskyy. well. >> this is it. there was somebody, i can remember the names, but there was there was some talk of a democratic sort of like an informal committee who were briefing zelenskyy on how to wind trump up. >> and it�*s not that hard, is it? >> no. >> no. >> don't flatter him. just one >> don�*t flatter him. just one line. fail to flatten your. >> eyes. >> eyes. >> kiss his part. say he's rubbish. >> say a slovenian slur. >> say a slovenian slur. >> yeah. >> yeah. >> yeah. yeah. >> yeah. yeah. >> yeah. yeah. >> yeah yeah i just i was watching 13 days again the other night. brilliant film about the cuban missile crisis, and they just avoided nuclear war just by just avoided nuclear warjust by inches because the kennedys were so against it and so clever. i look at the kind of current like, even though i'm a big like, even though i�*m a big trump fan, and just go, oh, it's trump fan, and just go, oh, it�*s pretty worrying if christopher. >> hitchens wrote well about that, didn't he? i, like everybody else, remember the day when kennedy nearly got me killed? it was quite a nice inversion of the usual kennedy memory. but yeah, there's a whole genre, incidentally, of books and movies with numbers amounts of time in them. >> oh, really? >> oh, really? >> six days, 48 days, 38. >> six days, 48 days, 38. >> hours, six. >> hours, six. >> days in may. >> days in may. >> i�*m basing all my ideas on >> i'm basing all my ideas on movies. you know how everyone's basing everything on darkest

hour now, julia hartley—brewer said. we just look at darkest hour and make our decisions based on that. so that's what i�*m doing as well. >> yeah, well, look, this story is obviously going to run and run. yeah, hopefully we'll be alive at the end of it. let's see. let�*s go on to the daily telegraph then nick okay. >> so the telegraph has trump to zelenskyy. your time's almost up, which everyone of course has. but it also has this interesting and quite disturbing story. channel 4 used hamas officials son in the documentary. so the bbc pulled this program. we already know that. but it turns out he also appeared in this itn produced show. i mean, i need to get this quy's show. i mean, i need to get this guy's agent. yeah, he's in guy�*s agent. yeah, he�*s in everything. and. >> you know, mr fafo, you�*ve seen him online. he�*s a guy he has appeared in maybe hundreds of gaza propaganda clips. and he's just he's there every and he's just he's there every and he's like, he's he's brilliant. he's dressed as a journalist and he�*s dressed as a journalist and then he's dressed like serving food. and he's like, he was in the bbc documentary. so if he rocks up anywhere, you know that something's rotten in. >> denmark, something's dodgy.

>> denmark, something�*s dodgy. yeah, well, this guy, i mean, for seven months, channel 4 broadcast footage of this guy who was about 13, who was 13 then, without disclosing he was then, without disclosing he was the son of this, you know, doctor eamonn al—yazuri. i never know how official. yes. so, yeah. madness. i mean, the bbc are in big trouble for it. so presumably, which we�*re going to presumably, which we're going to cover later, i think. 50 presumably channel 4 will be as well. >> well, that's i don't know if you've managed to. i've managed you've managed to. i�*ve managed to sort of read a little bit further into it. and it�*s further into it. and it's actually it�*s even more damning for channel 4. first of all, they won a bunch of awards for their gaza coverage, but it turns out that they actually knew about this connection last summer. this is a kid who's sort of there clips of him on channel 4, and he's selling chocolate 4, and he�*s selling chocolate and he�*s trying to find water. and he's trying to find water. now, if he is the son of a hamas official, this kid is not struggling to get water or get food or anything like that. they have stockpiled months and months worth of this and are making a fortune selling it to their population. 50 this is their population. so this is just outright propaganda that channel 4 have been putting out there. >> i will say, you know, it was understood in the days of drop the dead donkey that news

correspondents appeared on bomb sites with a well—worn teddy bear which was found in amongst the rubble. you know, that's been going on for some time. this guy. >> no, but that doesn't make it okay. >> no, absolutely. and the fact that, as you say, the same child has appeared on both documentaries, they can't be that short. surely a photogenic, telegenic. >> adolescent is good. to be fair, he can just deliver monologue. >> about the. >> about the. >> war torn country. you�*re talking to me? of course you are. i'm the only one hired. yeah. >> well, this again could be damning, but also damning of the awards. damning, really, of the whole industry to show how captured they are. and anything that you�*re getting from gaza is that you're getting from gaza is going to come through hamas propagandists. that's the point. and if you don't know that and you're a journalist, then you are in the wrong business, right? let's move on to the guardian, please, simon, i think you're doing with this. >> the guardian. yes. i�*ve got >> the guardian. yes. i've got 13 different copies of the telegraph to get through. sorry. us rift with ukraine grows as u5 rift with ukraine grows as europe seeks ceasefire. that obviously is the same story that

we've covered everywhere else. the oscars being awarded their the best actor, adrien brody, best actress mikey madison and a telling indication, of course, at this time of year that my connection with popular culture drifts ever further apart. i have no idea what movies they may have been in or. >> kieran culkin kieran culkin is good. he got best supporting actor. but you haven't watched succession, have you, simon? to your great shame. >> you've never watched succession. >> i�*ve watched a bit. >> i've watched a bit. >> i've watched a bit. >> i've watched a bit. >> i don't. >> i don't. >> like it. >> like it. >> they�*re unlikely. i don't >> they're unlikely. i don't like them. i like watching shows with likeable people in. >> like like this show. >> like like this show. >> i sort of know who he is though, in succession. but that's not what he won for, right? no. okay. >> he�*s that film with jesse eisenberg, isn't it? yeah. >> and then there's the sort of mid—range story ministers to tackle crisis over school, special needs. it says that labour is preparing to overhaul special educational needs provision in english schools, as councfls provision in english schools, as councils raise the alarm over debts running into hundreds of millions of pounds, pushing many of them to the brink of bankruptcy. i have no idea whether it's going to be successful. obviously they it's

very much in the sort of soft and fluffy and hot air territory at the moment, but it is obviously it's a boom industry, special needs, you. >> know, a lot of money. yeah, absolutely. by providing. yeah. because the local councils don't have the provisions for it. they have the provisions for it. they have to outsource it. and these people can charge pretty much what they want. >> and they also send them into school in taxes and so on, don't they? if you if you have anxiety, you don't you're not expected to get the bus and that sort of thing. i don't know if it comes under exactly the same provision, but there's a lot of that sort of talk. >> i feel like my kids go in a taxi, but that's me driving. >> yeah, i mean, a lot of people, a lot of parents have said it's something akin to mission creep, isn't it? the mission creep, isn�*t it? the extent there's a lot of talk. obviously it's fuelling a lot of anxiety about vaccines. again, you know, the rise in autism and so on. and the more power, the more plausible explanation is simply that it's diagnosed much more freely and so on. and that every child, i mean, it's a stand up staple, isn't it, to say, in the old days i used to be thick. now i'm dyslexic, you know, and or vice versa. i am

not qualified to say. but something has expanded, hasn't it? >> you did say anyway on national tv that. >> nick, they obviously have to grapple with this issue because it is costing huge amount of money, right? >> yeah, i have nothing. i mean, ihave >> yeah, i have nothing. i mean, i have nothing to add. you guys covered it so well. i have nothing else. all the things i thought of adding, i thought they were all inappropriate. so i�*ve just censored myself there. i�*ve just censored myself there. i will. >> just mention he is on the front page there. jack vettriano, a one of the country's most successful, commercially successful and artistically despised painter. >> really got the respect. no deserved. >> hopefully now he will, but i will hold my hands up and say i quite like it. i quite like romantic scenes of couples dancing on the beach with a couple of butlers struggling with an umbrella. what�*s wrong with an umbrella. what's wrong with an umbrella. what's wrong with that? >> that's what you're watching when you could be watching succession. >> absolutely. succession, right. well, in that case, let's move on and check out the next front pages. we have the metro with tiktok child sex probe,

with tiktok, child sex probe, the times trump lambasts europe for showing weakness, and the daily star rise of the robo lackeys. so the actually, let's start with the metro, please. nick. oh, okay. i thought this makes it. i can. >> do this. i have no. >> do this. i have no. >> idea who's. >> idea who's. >> got it. i was gonna do it. doesnt >> got it. i was gonna do it. doesn't matter anyway. so this is this is tiktok child sex probe, which is as bad as it sounds. so tiktok is being investigated over how it uses children's data because they children's data, because they had these live stream sex performances by girls aged just 15, which is pretty sick stuff. and, you know, you worry about tiktok in general. like, do we do we want it? there�*s all this controversy with china. i very much doubt this is happening on chinese tiktok. you know how they have a separate tiktok that is actually apparently true. yeah, because a total war with us. apparently the chinese in sun tzu, they think of it as a weakness to go into kinetic war because they�*re always sort of like, that's like the last straw because they�*re at war with, like, tiktok, financial things,

you know, taiwan. >> their tiktok is educational essentially, and. builds moral fibre. yeah. >> so let�*s. >> so let�*s. >> get married, have loads of kids. >> yeah. >> yeah. >> yeah, it�*s teaching about >> yeah, it's teaching about algebra and ours is 15. >> year olds working nurses. >> year olds working nurses. >> yeah. it's shocking. >> yeah. it's shocking. >> yeah. it's shocking. >> yeah. 50 you get emoji gifs which then can be traded in for cash. and this is obviously a loophole. and there are, as i say, young girls in africa particularly seem. >> to i mean, there's another story which statistically we're unlikely to get to number 19. we very rarely get to story 19 these days. but it is about a young girl who managed to rack up young girl who managed to rack up eight and a half grand bill on her parents credit card, which was linked to her iphone, which was linked to her iphone, which she had at the age of eight and was using it to give donate money to accounts she was enjoying, i think. >> not tiktok strippers, hopefully. >> no, not tiktok strippers, but the extent to which our children are being, i don�*t know, are being, i don't know, distorted, perverted, drawn into the hideous world of online. >> well, in that. satisfaction in the story you referenced, they call it financially groomed. yeah. which is yeah, guess. >> well, no, but all those

fortnight you get a new skin. and my kid, you know, what do you want for your birthday? 0h you want for your birthday? oh yeah. i want to get this new skin. and then it's like, well what is it. oh it�*s £30 forjust exactly the same thing. but as rearranged. >> yeah, yeah. >> yeah, yeah. >> it's insane. well, look, let's move on to the times which has obviously the trump story nick and the oscars. but also another concern for our children in terms of the being overweight. >> yeah. this is a one third of children overweight by 2050. so the way they put it here is they say more than three and four adults will be obese. now that's almost 4 in 4. and then you just don't aren't you just stop even using the fours anymore. let's just say everyone�*s. >> like wall—e, right? it's going to be like wall—e. >> oh yeah. it's going to be 50% obese globally by 2050, but 77% in great britain and northern ireland. 50 it�*s just i mean, ireland. so it's just i mean, it's just completely over. >> that seems extraordinarily high. i felt the. i felt a personal alarm at the growth of obesity about 20 years ago. it

suddenly seemed to me you looked around and if i feel if anything has been receding lately. >> but if you think about it, the really obese people are at home. you don't see them, are not trying to be mean. even if you're out walking around, you're out walking around, you're maybe not. >> in the middle east. it's going to be like 94%, because the difference in genetics, how people handle processed foods, really what it comes down to. >> yes, well. >> yes, well. >> they don't they still don't know what it comes down to. that�*s the interesting thing. every time you have a theory that it's processed food or it's not enough exercise, people are too sedentary, or there's the wrong kind of none of this stuff maps ultimately, and they do maps, ultimately, and they do not know. >> yeah, they�* re not know. >> yeah, they�*re lazy and they >> yeah, they're lazy and they eat too much processed. 0h >> yeah, they're lazy and they eat too much processed. oh well, we'll see what it is. hopefully again, if we survive that long. and finally we got the daily star and obviously one of their usual spots. do they use word boffin at all? >> rise of the robo lackeys. scumbag chat bots will be doing so many of ourjobs soon. will have to be paid to do nothing. i would imagine that's probably going to blend in nicely with the obesity epidemic. >> as well. a really serious story. the star's covering it in a somewhat light—hearted way of

the massive change in the global workforce. >> yeah, we're all basically going to be carriage horses taken out and shot, aren�*t we? yeah. >> that's the front pages looked at. coming up, dreidel nigel farage. who does he remind you of? and could we see the end of feudalism in our lifetimes? this is headliners only on gb

welcome back to headliners opening with tuesday�*s guardian opening with tuesday's guardian nick. and this reminds me of that time that you were mistaken for ash sarkar. >> yes, it's a toys. compare nigel farage to jeremy corbyn over ukraine war. i didn't actually see all toys. i saw priti patel do this in a in a tweet where she says nigel farage is completely wrong, zelenskyy is a hero, etc. etc. all the usual kind of stuff. and this was because farage on lbc had said a fairly in my mind, dramatic and moderate thing. he

said i think president zelenskyy was very unwise to tell the americans what would happen to them if they didn�*t back him. that�*s true. i think it was unwise. sure. van—tam trump bit unwise. sure. van—tam trump hit back, bit unwise. sure. van—tam trump hit back, hit back. but i think in diplomatic terms, zelenskyy played it very badly. to me. that's hard to disagree with. that�*s hard to disagree with. but priti patel is taking this sort of uni party line. it�*s not sort of uni party line. it's not like i'm anti ukraine or pro—putin or something, but everyone's taking the same line. even robertjenrick very even robert jenrick very aggressively even robertjenrick very aggressively took this line and he was calling it a spectacle or a sickening or something. and you go, is that the best way to talk when you know it's going to get back to trump? that has gone wrong for people like david lammy, you know, farage is being more realistic. he's saying we've got to get on with trump. we want to get on with zelenskyy as well. and starmer has taken that kind of balanced tone. but when you're in opposition, i guess you can just spray out these things and say what you want. >> i guess the thing is, i don�*t >> i guess the thing is, i don't know if you agree with this, simon. it's notjust that you simon. it�*s notjust that you i mean, of course you can criticise zelenskyy and you can sort of argue legitimately, i think, and still be pro ukraine or whatever, that he handled it badly. but at the same time, we're not seeing anybody criticising putin to that level.

>> well, that's an interesting question. whether or not it�*s question. whether or not it's even worthwhile criticising putin. i mean, some people say, i mean, there's a lot of people i�*ve seen on social media, i've seen on social media, certainly saying there is one person, you know, who could put an end to all of this tomorrow without any further shots being fired. his name is vladimir putin, you know, but. he's not going. it�*s empty moralising. there's no point in saying that. you may as well treat him like a zoo animal. vladimir putin. there's no point in appealing to his moral dimension to try and press him, to realise that he has performed an action that is abhorrent to the west's moral code. there's zero point to that. the only question is how do we move from this position forward, and whose behaviour can we hope to adjust through our discussions on, on, on, on traditional legacy or social media? and from that point of view, zelenskyy and trump and vance and conceivably even, you know, that idiot american press buy know, that idiot american press guy who criticised zelenskyy up about his suit, which was kind of funny, but potentially sort of funny, but potentially sort

of just brought the thing up ofjust brought the thing up a couple of degrees and tipped it over. these are the people who are like, we have some traction with them. we have some ability to turn their dials. >> but yeah, we might not have any traction with putin. but you could argue that trump has traction with putin. >> well trump does. yeah, but you have farage doesn�*t. and it you have farage doesn't. and it has got to the point, which is slightly kind of through the looking glass where people like farage and i think arguably other members of reform are being much more pragmatic about how we move forward with this, whereas you've got a ridiculous situation that the tories and labour both view reform as such an. example, unprecedented threat to their not just their electoral success, but their whole world view, their whole kind of business model that they have to criticise and present them as being beyond the pale in anything they say, even though it's really quite mild. >> well, this is it, because we're talking here about how people, as you said, nick patels, what she said, how they're playing politics with it. but of course, this is arguably what the tories are

doing. obviously they're threatened by reform. and if they do you think that this is going to have this is going to work by criticising farage? well. >> presumably they�*ve looked at because it's 4602 00:26:08,911 --> 00:26:0