tv Through the Decades CBS January 29, 2016 11:00pm-12:00am MST
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( band playing ) ( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. we're sitting here with our friend jerry seinfeld. >> hey, my first time on the new "late show." >> stephen: exactly. thank you so much. >> with stephen colbert. >> stephen: you're our first stand-up. >> wow, you must have had some comedians. >> stephen: we're starting high. >> let's see if someone can beat that. >> stephen: we'll put a hash mark up on the wall and stand them next to it when it's over. do you follow politics? do you follow the debates? >> yeah, i watch them a little bit. i met rand paul, senator rand paul backstage. >> stephen: he's a nice guy. >> he's a nice guy. and i like his hair. he's like a little baby-- a baby out of the bassinet, kind of hair. you just towel it, and it's
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look how clean baby is. >> stephen: if trump wasn't running, we'd be talking about his hair. >> yeah, every night. but you gotta enjoy that people want to be president or that they even think--the idea-- let's be honest. the idea that anybody thinks they should be president. you gotta be out of your mind! >> stephen: it's a little crazy. >> you've got to be crazy! ( laughter ) >> stephen: yeah. >> all these people, they're all crazy! ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> stephen: you look at-- >> i think i should be the president, right? >> stephen: you look at 300 million americans and you go, la-la-la-- that guy right there. >> i think i should be in charge of everything. "honey, i was thinking..." >> stephen: speaking of being in charge of everything, you've got the show "comedians in cars getting coffee." >> yeah, that's my little show. ( applause ) you also-- you are starting a year residency at the beacon theater, once a month for a year. >> once a month for a year. >> stephen: that's fantastic.
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going to do. >> i know what i'm going to do once a month for a year. >> stephen: once a month, it's going to be you, the allman brothers, steely dan. how are you going to get the smell of the beacon theater out of your clothes if you keep going back? >> i love it. i love it. that's what i really love-- >> stephen: the live thing? >> no, is those kinds of theaters. the beacon is-- i picked that place-- there are a lot of places you could play, bigger places or, you know-- but that place has that vibe of a real theater. it's kind of an old vaudeville >> stephen: it's about this size, actually. >> yeah. these places-- you know, i have >> stephen: you could perform anywhere you want. and i like it when it's-- when it's -- >> stephen: you could perform, like, in the international space station if you want. someone would scrape together a kickstarter to get you there. >> they would. but it doesn't work. the space station is not a good >> stephen: tough room? laughs ) everything goes over their heads! laughter ) ( applause
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sorry. i apologize. okay, but-- okay, but talking about controlling things, you just had your most-watched "comedians in cars getting coffee" of all time. you sat down with president obama. >> yes, i was with president obama in the white house. >> stephen: congratulations. >> thank you. >> my producer, tammy johnston, would not like me mentioning her name-- >> stephen: tammy johnson? >> tammy johnston. >> stephen: johnston. could we put that at the bottom of the screen, please. >> she produces the debates, all the political debates. >> stephen: republican and democrat? >> yeah. so we were sitting around one day, and we were joking-- i was joking. i said, "why don't we get the president on the show." she says, "you want me to call them?" ( laughter ) i said, "yeah, go ahead, call them." ( laughter ) and they said, "we were hoping you would call." >> stephen: really? >> yeah, they said, "we wanted to do the show." >> stephen: he's funny. >> yeah, he's funny. i always thought he was funny. there are not a lot of funny presidents. >> stephen: no. >> harding wasn't funny. ( laughter
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>> stephen: but very corrupt. >> yeah. >> stephen: so, okay-- >> so here's my impression of the white house. >> stephen: all right. >> okay? i was hanging around there, and i'm talking to him, and then we try and leave, and they don't let him leave. he can't leave. >> stephen: he literally can't leave the white house? >> not unless it's all organized. >> stephen: oh, yes, schedule and security. >> with guns and helicopters and, you know. so he's like a guy captured by aliens. ( laughter ) right? and the aliens bring him back to their planet-- >> stephen: the planet white house. >> planet white house. and they keep him there. the only show they get is "the beverly hillbillies." so they build him a house. and they say, "we have brought you to our planet to solve all of our problems because you have an incredible brain." and he can do that. and then as soon as he starts to solve the problems, they go, "we don't agree with that." ( laughter ) "we don't want you doing that. don't do that." >> stephen: it's a tough gig. >> yeah, that's a tough gig. >> stephen: did he drive, or did you drive? >> we both drove. he hadn't driven in so many
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car. >> stephen: i think we have a clip. what kind of car is this? >> a '63 split-window corvette. the coolest corvette of all time. >> i bet if you park, they'll let us out. just say, "i'm the president." >> hay, darrell, can you open this up? >> i'm sorry, i can't allow it. >> that's unbelievable. golly. >> i knew that wouldn't work. >> you didn't sell it. ( laughter ) >> stephen: most powerful man in the world. >> yeah. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: the most powerful man in the world. so seven million people watched that. you were, like, an internet star. are you mr. technology? >> eh, some of it, i like. some of it, i don't like it. i don't want any more e-mails with links. i can't take the links. no more links. >> stephen: that's where the information is. >> i don't want it. i don't want it. there are too many of them.
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did you open the link yet?" "no, i didn't open the link. i got a lot of links. get in the link line." "you gotta see this. did you see this?" eight e-mails back and forth to watch a fat guy tripping over a cat. "did you see it?" "yeah, i'm sending you a link of me blowing my brains out. that's the last link." too many links. >> stephen: but you've got time. you have a gig one night a month. >> no, too many links. >> stephen: so you are happily married. you have kids. >> love marriage, love kids, love the whole thing. >> stephen: yeah. do you travel? >> we came back from a family vacation, beautiful family vacation. >> stephen: that's nice. >> what i call "let's pay a lot of money to go fight in a hotel." ( laughter ) ( applause ) right? >> stephen: i've been to that resort. i've been there. >> it's great. let's fight on bikes. let's fight on paddle-boards, lounge chairs. let's fight about how well
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seem to be. ( laughter ). >> stephen: always are. >> yeah, yeah. >> stephen: where was this? >> mexico. >> stephen: where in mexico was this-- laughter ) >> stephen: there's a huge difference. we went to juarez. i don't know why we were fighting for our lives. we brought you back souvenirs. it's 20 heads in a duffel bag. it makes a difference. it makes a difference. you're gone. no one can find you. it's not like-- did you go to acapulco? >> we went to guzman's house. the drug kingpin. when you get him away from work, he's a fun guy. >> stephen: you gotta relax. >> the drug trade makes him crazy though. he's tense, tense. >> stephen: i had de niro on right before the break. and i said to him-- he, in some people's minds, represents new york.
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other people like you kind of are new york. >> that's very nice to think cheers and applause ) >> thank you. >> stephen: to a lot of people now, donald trump is coming to represent new york. >> hold it. >> stephen: oh, no, i'm not saying to people who live in new york. but to people out in the country, they, like, see donald trump as representing new york. how do you feel about that? >> you know, we have a lot of >> stephen: that's true, that's true. there's a thing about certain kinds of people, rich people sometimes-- it's that-- they get in that world, you know what i mean? people achieve a certain amount of success. they don't know that there's a world-- their head becomes the world. they think "the globe is my skull." >> stephen: yes. >> these are the people that want to be president. ( laughter ) >> stephen: well, i mean, you've achieved a certain level. do you have to deal with anything you don't want to deal with at this point? >> do i have to deal with anything-- well, yes, everything. i don't want to deal with--
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>> stephen: i heard you say that privilege is poisonous, right? >> yes, privilege is poisonous. >> stephen: how do you avoid that? how do you avoid being not poisoned by being successful. >> i vacation in mexico. >> stephen: sounds good. it's our last question here. "comedians in cars getting coffee" available now on crackle.com. >> and on our own web site. type in the title and it will come up. fantastic episode of "comedians in cars." >> stephen: those sound like three things you really like, comedians, cars, and coffee. >> i like all three. >> stephen: if you only had one of them which one would it be? >> the comedian. >> stephen: me, too. i think maybe jerry seinfeld. thank you, jerry. >> thank you. >> stephen: thank you so much for being here. "comedians in cars getting coffee" is streaming now all over the internet. we'll be right back. buying smartphones for the whole
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) >> stephen: thanks for being here. i've wanted to talk to you for a long time. >> i thought i was going to get a monologue. when is my monologue? >> stephen: any time you want. you know what, jerry seinfeld made fun of your hair, and so by debate rules, you have a 30- second rebuttal if there's anything you would like to say about jerry seinfeld's hair. >> the next time we come out together, have him look in the mirror and say, "who's got the better hair, jerry?" >> stephen: that's true, that's true. hair. is that true? >> i'm conservative, man. i gotta save money. i got three kids in college. >> stephen: what do you use, nail clippers? what do you use to cut your hair? >> it's a bit random, and sometimes it involves drinking beforehand. >> stephen: is that what rand is short for, random paul? >> could be. >> stephen: how is your dad, by the way? i'm a fan of your dad's.
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my dad is indomitable. we go home and he out-walks us, he out-rides us on the bike. he's in great shape. >> stephen: does he out-talk you? >> there's a close competition in our household for talking. there are a lot of talkers in the paul household. >> stephen: a doctor, as you are, and the thing i really like about your dad is that he's intellectually consistent. you know where he stands. are you as transparent in your beliefs as your dad is? >> i try to be almost as good. because if i were better, that would be embarrassing at home, if you're better than your dad. so i try to be almost as good. ( laughter ). >> stephen: if you've-- if you've had to curtail any of your beliefs in order to run for president, sit there and blink. ( laughter ) i got all night. and you got a new book right now.
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the book's right there. now i've got the latest polls here, sir, and i'm not going to go into the numbers too much. it's a cnn nationwide poll. and you're on the list here. you're always in the top-card debate at this point. you're a little bit down the list, you know. you're behind rubio and carson and christie. you're above bush, kasich, and huckabee. the numbers somewhat don't really matter. what matters in this list is you're all over 25 points behind a guy who builds golf courses for a living. did you think governing experience would be a liability the way it is right now? >> there's another list on the other side of your card, and it says-- i was at the very top of this one. >> stephen: which one? >> the worst dressed list. ( laughter ) >> stephen: really? >> can you believe -- >> stephen: they actually list it? >> you can believe they would put me at the top of the worst dressed list. >> stephen: you look fine. >> that's because my wife made me wear this. i was going to wear a mock turtleneck. i had cut-offs. >> stephen: do you wear mock turtlenecks? you look like tom brokaw. he's the last man to look good
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>> you can get them for $7.99 at target. >> stephen: again, i hope your haircuts cost more than that. >> debatable. >> stephen: you were one of the first guys to go after donald trump and call him, like, a blowhard, or something like that. >> i think there's-- all kidding aside-- i think there's a certain seriousness to leading a nation of 300 million. >> stephen: god, i hope so! ( laughter ). >> and i guess what concerns me a discussion of the nuclear triad. that means that we have missiles by air, by land, and by sea. >> stephen: as paul revere told us. >> exactly. ( laughter ) but the thing is, he seemed to be unaware that we even had that. but then a week later, it's even scarier. mr. trump says, "of course, we've got a nuclear triad, and our biggest problem is we've been unwilling to use it enough." >> stephen: really? >> and, i mean, we're kind of acting light, but that shouldn't be made light of.
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we have him and the big guy from >> stephen: chris christie. he has a name, sir. he's not just-- he's not just-- >> but, anyway, he's eager to shoot down russian planes. >> stephen: you said that if you wanted somebody to start world war iii, you pointed at christie, and said, "here's your man." >> right. and i think that's the important part of these debates, is you want someone with judgment, someone with wisdom, and someone with restraint. and i worried. but interestingly, it's on both sides. hillary clinton wants a no-fly zone as well. she wanted to topple qadaffi as well. she wants regime change. and that's why i think the last debate was the best debate we had because we really had a discussion over is it really america's role in the world, or should it be america's role in the world to choose who the leaders are in the countries in the middle east? and that worked in the past. >> stephen: one of the things that's interesting about you and i like about you and i like
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sometimes hard to pin down along sort of dogmatic ideological lines. some things you have in common with the left and some things you have in common with the right because you're a libertarian-ish? libertarian-ish? >> that's because i don't want to be quite as good as my dad. almost as good as my dad, libertarian-ish. >> stephen: he's libertarian and you're libertarian-ish. >> he's almost libertarian. i'm libertarian-ish. >> stephen: for people out there, what is a libertarian? how are they different from a republican or democrat? >> in sort of general terms, republicans haven't been very good with your privacy or your personal liberty. but democrats haven't been very good with your economic liberty. they want all kinds of rules on business that interfere with the marketplace. on the republican side, they have a government that wants to collect your phone records, be involved with what you do in your home. and libertarians say, you know what? we want to leave you the hell alone no matter what, whether it's your business or your private life. ( applause
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>> stephen: is there anybody-- do you have anything in common with bernie sanders? >> yes, we work in the same place. >> stephen: yes. >> no, sometimes we do. i think that people on the left- - ron wyden i worked with in the senate. he would call himself, i think, a progressive democrat. he worked on the n.s.a. reform, trying to end the bulk collection of all our phone records, trying to bring the troops home from afghanistan and trying to have a less interventionist or more realistic foreign policy -- >> stephen: what about on drug policy reform? >> you're not going to talk about pot are you? >> stephen: are you a cop? because if you're a cop, you have to tell me you're a cop or this is entrapment. >> i thought we said before we would not talk about pot, stephen. >> stephen: you tried to sell me pot backstage. >> no. that was -- >> i'm sorry, you tried to sell me on the idea of changing sentencing guidelines for pot. i should have said the entire sentence. i apologize, i apologize.
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again, and we won't talk about pot. >> okay. >> stephen: senator paul. it's a pleasure. senator rand paul, everybody. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) hi, i'd like to make a dep-- scanner: rescan item. rescan, rescan. rescan item. vo: it happens so often you almost get used to it. phone voice: main menu representative. representative. representative. vo: which is why being put first... relax, we got this. vo: ...takes some getting used to. join the nation. nationwide is on your side representative. in a world that's trying to turn you into someone new... ...one hair color wants to help you keep on being you. nice'n easy. natural-looking color... ...that even in sunlight, doesn't look like hair color... it just looks like you. v nice'n easy: colorv
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,, >> stephen: my next guest is fresh off of two grammy nominations. here to sing, "rise up," from the album, "cheers to the fall." please welcome andra day! you're broken down and tired of living life on a merry-go- round and you can't find the fighter but i see it in you so we gonna walk it out and move mountains we gonna walk it out
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,, ,, (donkey sound) (elephant sound) there's a big difference between making noise, (tapping sound) and making sense. (elephant sound) (donkey sound) when it comes to social security, we need more than lip service. our next president needs a real plan to keep social security strong. (elephant noise) hey candidates. enough talk.
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it's "the late, late show" >> reggie: ladies and gentlemen, all the way from endocrine, south dakota, give it up for the one, the only james corden! ( applause ) >> james: oh, what a good evening! and welcome to "the late, late show"! lovely to see you. i hope you had a good weekend. now, i'll tell you guys -- you guys -- you guys, what a weekend for our solar system. gigantic, wasn't it? i don't know... i don't know if you guys saw this, but last night, the moon became a super blood moon, which is a combination of a super moon and a lunar eclipse.
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that only takes place once every few decades, like a good nicholas cage movie. ( laughter ) ( applause ) but it was an incredible moment. it really was. it was an incredible moment where everyone walked out of their homes, looked to the sky and said, "where's the super blood moon? is that it? oh, yeah, it does look a little different i guess. shall we go back in?" is way too dramatic for what you actually saw. name of a 16-year-old's heavy metal band. "we are either going to call ourselves werewolf sunrise, super blood moon, or you're not my real dad, scott." real grungy. in fact, a lot of people missed the super blood moon, and i just
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it really shouldn't have scheduled this eclipse on sunday night. there's a lot of good tv on sunday night. i mean, your choices, you had nfl football, the "csi" finale, "fear the walking dead," or the moon. i mean... no, i mean, the moon will always be there. the "csi" finale only happens once, and then twice a week forever on tbs. ( cheers and applause ) but this has been a big couple of days for nasa. not only did we get to see a blood moon, but nasa also made the huge announcement that they have discovered, for the first time, liquid water on mars. yeah, that was absolutely what it deserved. do you guys remember that there was a time when nasa's huge news was that we put a man on the moon?
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moon is red for a few minutes and mars is wet. it is remarkable, though, that there is flowing water on mars. this officially makes mars more qualified to support human life than california. ( cheers and applause ) there's more of it. probably, more of it. but seriously, though, this is an important story. and if you want to read more about it, i suggest logging on to yawn.com/snoozealertwakemewhenit 'sanalien. by the way, one of my favorite parts of the press conference was the shirt of the scientist making the announcement. can we have a look that photo? he's wearing a shirt that says "mars" to talk about mars. now, that might seem nerdy, but it's much better than the boxers he was wearing that say "uranus." one of my own.
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they said it wouldn't. shall we see who our guests are tonight? ( cheers and applause ) in the blue room tonight is a comedy legend who shot her iconic show, "the carol burnett show," right here in cbs television city-- the one, the only carol burnett is here this evening! how are you, carol? >> i'm having a chin wag. oh, mom, it is an honor to see you. look at that, the queen of britain... >> hello! hello! >> james: that is a very good impression. that's exceptionally good. can i ask her one more question? what do you think of our green room, your majesty?
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>> i like it very much. >> james: carol burnett and the queen, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) now, in the purple room, we have an incredible actor and such a great guy. you loved him on "the wonder years," the very charming , the ever youthful and brilliant mr. fred savage is here tonight! >> how are you? i'm just hanging out with kate. >> james: what's going on here? >> i'm trying to get her bag. she has this beautiful bag and it's really welded in there. >> james: i can't believe kate middleton is in the green room and the queen is there. are you having fun? >> have you ever seen anybody have more fun? >> james: that's true. ladies and gentlemen, fred savage! she looks great.
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and in the orange room, she's an incredible actress who's won both an oscar and tony award. the brilliant, the lovely, marcia gay harden is here tonight! ( cheers and applause ) hi, marcia. >> i don't know if i'm allowed to stand up right now. i'm kind of in a curtsy. what's the policy? when can i stand up? >> james: he thinks you're fine. i mean, you do look like a great couple together. >> james: that's a hell of a selfie. cheers and applause ) and we also have some music tonight. this band is so great and so cool. their debut album is sweeping the charts. i'm so happy to have them here. ladies and gentlemen, all the way from britain, the brilliant, the wonderful-- you've got to listen to this album, it's
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catfish and the bottlemen are here tonight! how... >> great, how are you? >> james: i was expecting prince charles. >> calm down. i don't know if we can say that. >> james: you melted prince charles. you left him by the candles. don't touch it, catfish, or are you bottlemen? ladies and gentlemen, catfish and the bottlemen! reggie, are you ready? >> james: he's reggie watts, i'm james corden, and this-- this is the "late, late show!" roll the titles! (
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captioning sponsored by cbs the late, late show, oh, oh the late, late show, ooh the late, late show, oh, oh the late, late show oh, oh the late, late show >> james: great show tonight. now, we have an exciting week ahead. later on, oscar winner patricia arquette from "veep," matt walsh, a$ap rocky, he's going to perform, and we'll do a little comedy together. we've got the nitro circus, they're tearing up the parking lot. jessica alba and ben schwartz will stop by. ( cheers and applause ) i know. i know. and tomorrow, zachary levi and matt damon are going to be here! ( cheers and applause ) doesn't get bigger than that. we're going to play a game. i'm going to be honest with you,
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and i have to admit, i was not great, but it's a lot of fun. it's called, "where's reggie?" this is how this game works. my producers have sat reggie in the audience. the camera will scan the audience and i have to find reggie. but there's a catch. i only have 60 seconds to find reggie. so let's put 60 seconds on the clock, please. i was so bad at this. focus, focus, focus. let's start -- okay. hang on. start the clock now. where's reggie? okay. hang on. right. no. no. that's not...
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hang... wait, wait, wait, go back, go back, go left, left, left, left, left, just go left. up a bit. up a bit. keep going up. no. i thought that was him in the... ( laughter ) oh, come on. i can't. i can't believe this 10- second... where is he going to be in this? oh, god -- he's desperately in there? this isn't a trick? ( buzzer ) >> james: i don't understand. is he even in there? okay. well, if you're in there, show yourself. where are you? oh, no way!
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the whole time? i could see the woman beside you and was like, oh, that's a great... i didn't even see you it was there. honestly, you think it's easy. it's harder than it look when you're under these lights and all this stuff. that was "where's reggie"? we've got a great show. stick around! those who define sophistication stand out. those who dare to redefine
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,, ,, >> james: welcome back! ( cheers and applause ) now, memes are very popular on the internet. they often feature celebrities or cute looking animals. you guys have all seen memes. it's a funny picture with a funny one-liner. often something like this. says "the face you make when you realize it's monday again."
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when they out of pumpkin spice. tonight, we're going to create live memes right here on the spot using our very own late, late show audience. the meming of life. i'm going to find someone in the audience. i'm going to give you a situation, and you'll match that face to match that situation. so for this, i need to get amongst you. who fancies using some memes? do you want to have a go? stand up for me. stand up for me. hello, what's your name? >> carrie. >> james: hi, carrie. where are you from? >> london. >> james: what do you have in your hair? it looked like popcorn. but that's all right. so what i want you to do is i
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want you to act like someone just punched you in the face, okay? when you face facebook was down today. that's a good meme. that was great. okay. anyone else? this guy. stand up for me, sir. okay. hello, what's your name? >> corey. >> james: where are you from? >> new york. >> james: you've come a long way. lovely shirt. >> thank you. you look nice. >> james: you flirt. don't start something that you can't finish. what i want you to do is i want you to clench your teeth and like breathe through your mouth. you know what i'm doing? look down the lens. one, two, three, go.
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when the guy on the elevator knows it was you and you know he knows. well done. good meme. okay. anyone else want to play? you want to play? oh, no. not you. well done. you can stand up again. no, no, seriously not you. hello, what's your name? >> i'm haley. where are you from? ( laughter ) i want you to give me a huge fake smile. i mean, that's not a smile. you know, like a ha... there you go. look down on three and give me your best fake smile. one, two, three, go. that face you make when your ex introduces you to his new girlfriend. ( applause ) well played. all right. okay.
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anyone else want to play? you want to play? all right. come up. okay. so this is what i want you to do. what's your name, sir? >> ben. >> james: where are you from? >> i'm good. i'm from san diego. >> james: what i want you to do is look down the camera and make your face like you just got some really bad news. can you do that? not now. i mean, you look like -- wow, this is a regular look? you're like a human emoji. look down the lens here. some really bad news. here we go. look down the lens here. one, two, three, go. hang on. get rid of it. bad news. bad news. you know what bad news is, right? you know when someone gives you bad news? >> uh-huh. >> james: so when you've got bad
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mean, it's really bad. it's really bad. imagine that's it. now we're getting close to it. have a look. one, two, three, go. when you put your skinny jeans on and you can't get them past your lower thighs, but you keep trying and pull them up anyway. and you fall over and then start crying a little, and you've realized you've eaten a pizza for breakfast. ( cheers and applause ) thank you. shall we do something with the royal family? there we go. we've got the whole royal family here. so i mean, it seems silly -- i mean, we should go to you first. your majesty, an absolute honor and privilege for you to make the trip to "the late, late show." would you like to do a live meme?
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bang-on. of course, you're nailing it. look down camera three and go for it. that's it. one, two, three. when no one laughs at your chris rock impression. fantastic work, your majesty. we'll be right back with carol burnett, marcia gay harden and fred savage! ( applause ) man, i'm glad aflac pays cash. aflac! isn't major medical enough? no! who's gonna' help cover the holes in their plans? aflac! like rising co-pays and deductibles... aflac! or help pay the mortgage? or child care? aflaaac! and everyday expenses? aflac! learn about one day pay at aflac.com/boat blurlbrlblrlbr!!!
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