that's the way i was when i was in private practice. it was the same way. i would say, "look, you can come here for six months, and i can talk to you for six months and you can pay me, or i can just tell you today you're an bloop. that's the problem. >> stephen: straight shooter. >> i would just tell them the truth is i saw it-- they didn't have to believe it. i just tell them the truth as i saw it, take it or leave it. >> stephen: you played ball, right, you played football. >> i did. >> stephen: you feel like a coach sometimes. there's a little bit of a "walk it off" from dr. phil. there's a little bit of, let's not engage in psychological mumbo jumbo. suck it up. >> people ask me sometimes i do think problems are as simple as i make them out to be. i don't think problems are simple at all. i think problems are oftentimes very layered and complex, but the solutions are often very simple. i mean, come on, don't you think? common sense just isn't common enough anymore. i mean, there there is just not enough

problems can become complex, but the solutions are like-- it's like when you go to the doctor and say, "it hurt when i do that." and he says, "don't do that." >> stephen: by the way, that's a terrible doctor, by the way. i mean, if you tore a rotator cuff, that's not good enough. "but, doc i'm a pro athlete. i can't feed myself anymore." "well, don't eat. try learning to use your feet. try combing your hair with your feet." >> it does stop hurting. >> stephen: it does stop hurting. that's true, that's true. >> sometimes there are basic rules of life people forget like do not reward bad behavior. >> stephen: such as? >> if your kid is throwing a tantrum, do not reward the tantrum. don't give in to the kid. don't give them what they want. i see mothers all over america. ( cheers and applause ) you know, they reward bad behavior. >> stephen: those are either people who have terrible children or live near them. ( laughter ). >> no, those are people that got away with the tantrums and they're just glad i didn't say it till now.

so, i mean, really, you just-- it's simple. you don't reward bad behavior. people do that too much. >> stephen: well, listen, you're a doctor. i have got a doctorate, an honorary doctorate of combine arts from knoxx college, okay. so what i'm going to do tonight is last week i asked some members of my audience two tweet-- >> do you mind if i look that over. >> stephen: maybe a little later. i'm not going to leave you alone with that or my emmy. i asked some of my viewers out there to tweet some of their psychological problems to me, not saying that you were going to be on the show, and they sent me a couple of good ones. here's one from matthew kern: what's your advice? does he do it or not? >> get a new girlfriend. because if-- i mean, that's his beard. if that's him, if that's who he wants to be and she's judging him based on that, i mean, i am-- i live with hair problems. ( laughter ) okay? they've got to accept you with

i suppose so. real. i promise you. i'm going to differ with the doctor on this one. okay, matthew, i'm going to say no matter how much chuck you throw into the grinder, the burger is not going to matter unless the yidled is hot. a beard. think about the fur on your face kiss it. shave that thing off, and that's good eating. >> god, is that what-- ( applause ). >> stephen: is that metaphor too complex for you? is that 52 folksy for you, doctor. >> that sounded like me with an echo. >> stephen: i'm trying to get you 4.4 million people. i want your audience, doc. >> that was good, actually. the advice was wrong, but it was good rhetoric. >> stephen: how do you know if the advice is wrong? how do you know if your advice is work or not? do you ever check up on these people? >> oh, no. hell no. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> stephen: that's dr. phil, i

and now we'll be right back after this commercial message. okay. how about one more. how about one more okay. my ex-girlfriend-- this is from that one guy @hayden 12. what do you think? >> you go get your damn cat. ( cheers and applause ) you go get your cat. you don't-- you don't let somebody-- you don't let somebody take your cat. now, they can take your car. they can-- they can take your cat. i'm a cat guy. >> stephen: you're a cat by? >> you gotta go get your cat. >> stephen: i disagree. all right. here's my advice. cats have nine lives. let your cat live its. you don't miss your cat. you miss your girlfriend, all right?

( laughter ) ( applause ) are you going th cry? you look like you're going to tear up. are you going to cry? >> you need a lot of help. ( laughter ) >> stephen: well, i hope you'll come back and give it to me many times. >> i will. i promise. >> stephen: dr. phil, he's on monday through friday. check your local listings.

matter? yeah i'd like that. who are you talking to? uh, it's jake from state farm. sounds like a really good deal. in the morning? who is this? it's jake from state farm. what are you wearing jake from state farm? uh, khakis. she sounds hideous. well, she's a guy so... with state farm. get to a better state.

,, ,, ,, ( cheers and applause ) >> are you coming at me like this? i've literally done everything you wanted to do today.

and i even talked to that nasty unmarried bald man. >> skews me, would you ladies like to take the 110 or 134. excuse me, ladies. you know, we'll take the one 10 then. >> all you do is tell people hey! top this, this instant! hey, cut it out! enough! enough! okay. get out. that's my car! enough! get out of my car! >> stephen: please welcome jay and mark duplass! >> stephen: mark, jay, jay,

>> i am. >> stephen: now, was working together, like, both of your ideas or did your mom say, "you have to let your brother play with you," when you were younger "because he loves you so much." >> that's a great question. there was a little bit of onus that our parents put on us playing together, working together. they were a little bit nefarious. they would punish us and get to the point where we would rebel against the greater force of our parents and work together. >> stephen: so you guys bonded through the oppression of your parents. >> absolutely. >> absolute. it was a ( bleep ) cold war in the house. >> stephen: the show is "togetherness." what does that name mean for the show? because the people on the show aren't together that much. they're-- they have trouble with their feelings. they're together-ish, rather than togetherness. what ask does that title mean for you guys? >> there's a little bit of double meaning with togetherness. mark and i are family guys. we're cloa closewith our friends. we're close with our parents.

do our best to stay together and to work together. but you get to that point after about a week or so where you're doing everything together where you're just like, "get me out of here! i don't like these people anymore! " and there's a little bit of a tortured element to "togetherness." the concept. >> and it's a lot about how jay and i are. we've been working together since we were kids, and we always feel like what we do is difficult. our television show is like this large monster that is threatening to destroy us at every turn. and we feel like we have strength in numbers and we need to stay together to sort of, like, defeat the frankenstein. >> yeah, your brothers help you with this show, right? >> yeah. >> because you don't want to die. ( laughter ) you-- you know that -- >> i don't, i don't want to die, jay. >> but you are-- your show is going to kill you. >> stephen: they're all lawyers. they could help me sue someone. >> so, they're not helping -- >> i'm the only one in my family who is in entertainment.

>> all right, he's going to die. >> probably going to be okay. yeah. >> stephen: because you're brothers, is there a sort of semisecret twin language that you use? like a code you have that other people don't understand? >> yeah, i mean, we have to be able to in any given situation because we're directing together say something about someone, and have them not really know what's happening, you know. >> that's true. >> it can be helpful-- >> we have some code-- >> just a little something. >> we could talk a little bit. >> stephen: try. >> would you like? we could have a little interaction that maybe you could figure out. >> stephen: i'll try to. >> if we're sitting here on a talk show and it was going really poorly, for instance. ( laughter ) and we felt our host-- >> the host is not pulling his weight. >> stephen: all right. >> i would say something like, "gee, this dude's cream cheesing up on this all over the place." >> i would say white van. >> white van. >> definitely white van. >> stephen: i don't know-- i

>> you get the gist. >> stephen: i don't understand what cream cheese means. white van sounds like you're going to murder me. >> that's it! >> stephen: and put me in a white van and ride away. >> our grandmother when she didn't have anything for the recipe, if it called for something white, she would just put cream cheese in it. rice? >> i don't have those. let's put the cream cheese in. that's now our family terminology for someone hodoesn't quite know who they're doing but tries to make it happen anyway. ( laughter ). >> and, also, we were really sweet and sensitive as 13-year-old kids, basically treating our grandmother, who grew up in abject poverty with like, "is there cream cheese in this!" the woman who was, like, scared to buy anything at a grocery store. >> stephen: where does white van come from? >> white van, our father say lawyer and he had a private detective who would often talk about all these nefarious things he would do with the white van. and there was this suggestion at a certain point that if someone was acting really

would have to take them away in a white van. ( laughter ). >> stephen: see, that's-- forget my brothers. that's who i want helping me with my show. >> absolutely. >> absolutely. >> stephen: well, mark, jay, thanks so much for being here. >> thank you for having us. >> stephen: good luck with frankenstein. >> stephen: season two of "togetherness" premieres february 21 on hbo. jay and mark duplass, everybody! we'll be right back. lease a 2016 lincoln mkx for $399 a month only at your lincoln dealer. late night at denny's with pancakes, eggs, bacon, sausage, oj and coffee it's the best way to celebrate friendship.

of the 2, 4, 6, 8 value menu. denny's. welcome to america's diner. there was a giant made by men. not from flesh and bone. but bricks and mortar, paper and ink. its eyes couldn't see. its heart couldn't beat. it was too big to fail. and too big to succeed. this is the beginning of a bankless world.

,, ,, (donkey sound) (elephant sound) there's a big difference between making noise, (tapping sound) and making sense. (elephant sound) (donkey sound) when it comes to social security, we need more than our next president needs a real plan to keep social security strong. (elephant noise) hey candidates. enough talk.

( band playing ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my next guest is a georgetown university professor, a bestselling author, and an msnbc politicial commentator. please welcome michael eric dyson. ( applause ) >> stephen: brother dyson, thank you so much for being here. >> thank you for having me, brother colbert. >> stephen: let's get to the heat of the meat. you have a new book called the black press against, barack obama and race in america. i realize this is the first black presidency. >> right. >> stephen: you seem to be

there is opposition to barack obama often that has a racist tinge to it, opposition-- opposition to barack obama doesn't mean you're a racist, though, you'll agree with na. >> absolutely right. about the president. you can speak back to him. you can disagree tow him. racist. i'm suggesting despite the ideological and political differences there's an overlay of kind of racist reactions. for instance, a congressman stands up in congress and shouts, "you lie." a governor from arizona puts her fing in his face on the tarmac before the world. a reporter at the white house refuses to let him finish his press conference. this is unprecedented kind of stuff. >> stephen: so rudeness equals racism in this equation. >> not at all. >> stephen: that's all rude but you can't prove it's racist. >> no other president has endured that, number one. >> stephen: they said some pretty bad stuff to bill clinton. they were pretty mean to him at times. i said some pretty rough stuff about george bush.

look at the racial overlay. he's from kenya. can we trust you. >> stephen: 43% of republicans believe he's a muslim. 15% of democrats, and, like, 23% of independents. >> as jerry seinfeld says, not that there's any problem with that, but the reality is, the guy's a christian. he's been in the church for 20-some years and he's been dismissed. the republicans don't believe in abortion but they want to retroactively remove him from birth. they want to distance him from his own body. and i think, look, when you think about the fact. ( cheers and applause ) when you think about the fact that barack obama has many more death threats than any other president, that the kind of disrespect and acnoni that's been unleashed against him and the birther movement, we've got a guy running for president right now who led a birther movement suggesting this man was not really an american citizen. >> stephen: but now, donald trump has moved on to accusing a white person of not being from america. isn't that progress? now that he's accusing cruz, isn't that racial progress? >> no doubt.

you've got to give me that. >> well there, would be racial progress but real racial progress would be if a black man could say, "if i stood in the middle of the street and shot somebody, i would still get votes." that would be racial progress. ( cheers and applause ). >> stephen: i don't recommend he say that. i don't recommend he say that. >> if obama dreamed he could bodonetsk, that he would wake up and apologize. he would have to say i'm sorry for imagining that. he has to be cool, calm, and dispassionate. people keep say why doesn't the president get emotional? because an angry black man scares the heck out of many people, right? ask cam newton. >> stephen: let me ask you this-- are you angry? are you angry. >> i'm not angry at all. i love being here with you. >> stephen: it's a pleasure to have you. bernie sanders did pretty well in iowa. he is leading in new hampshire by a substantial margin. but people say beyond, that

when he gets into states with hispanic and african american populations voting for president, he's in trouble. what do you believe bern kedo to appeal to the african american population. though i realize you're not feeling the bern. you're headed for the hills. what does bernie have to do? what does bernie have to do? >> i think if he pulled out an impression of naz in 1984, and dropped it, he would -- >> you're telling me hillary clinton can do that? hillary's got bars. >> hillary's got bars. >> bernie sanders is an amazing guy. a democratic socialist running in a very contested race for an american presidency. i think that's remarkable and i love that he's doing that and i love that hillary clinton could potentially become the first female president of the united states of america. ( applause ) and i believe barack obama has paved the way as a black man, it will be far easier for her as a white woman to be president because he has already broken

and proclaimed the virtue and intellect of difference in this country. >> stephen: hold on for a second. let me speak for women right now and say sisters are doing it for themselves. >> no doubt, no doubt. >> stephen: michael eric dyson's new book is "the black presidency: barack obama and the politics of race in america." thank you, sir. ( applause ) we brought you here today to get your honest opinion about this new car. to keep things unbiased, we removed all the logos. feels like a bmw. reminds me a little bit of like an audi. so, this car supports apple carplay. siri, open maps. she gets me. wow. it also has teen driver technology. it even mutes the radio until the seat belts are buckled. i'm very curious what it is. this is the 2016 chevy malibu.

it starts at twenty-two five. what? oh wow. i mean with all this technology. that's a game changer. never underestimate the power of energizer. our longest lasting energizer max ever. here we go. ah man, who invited these guys? hey clay, it's cool if we order some delivery? it' s time for you guys to make the right call. we're having digiorno pizza, tfresh-baked in my own oven. t okay. it' s not delivery, it' s digiorno. points, points, our points. there has got to be a way to redeem our hotel points. i just want to take a vacation. this seems crazy. oh really? tell us something we don't know, captain obvious. ok. with hotels.com, when you collect 10 nights you get one free. oh. so you only need to know

,, ,, ,, i am a mother. i'm a journalist. -i am a singer. a businesswoman. -i am an artist.

an advocate. -a leader. a queen. -i am a friend. i am... i am one of more than a million people living with hiv in the u.s. we are not alone. my brother brian was my best friend, but when he went to college and struggled with depression, he felt alone. he thought he was to blame and no one would understand. when he finally told me he was hurting, i didn't know what to do. a few months later, my brother took his life. if someone you know is struggling like brian did, find out how to help. what will you say when someone suffering from depression comes to you?

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the difference between it's a person who believes they can, surrounded and supported by others-by us- u.s. bank -- the power of possible. with 40 megs of internet speed a family of four can all be online at the same time, streaming, gaming, or downloading movies. yeah, the internet's great, but i think hair and makeup went a little too far. yeah, that's not working. i much prefer the two-day beard, horn-rimmed glasses, just-slept-in-his-car kinda thing.

okay. be "paul giamatti." that's the essence of this role. feel like a hollywood insider with high-speed internet from centurylink. >> stephen: and now, making his television debut with a special performance from his album, "malibu," please welcome, anderson paak and the free nationals. yeah, all of that back you carrying you gotta be kidding me all that body that you came with but where are you mentally i know you hear all the time but you ain't gonna hit for me i just wanna focus on and love this they say the heart is underneath underneath and guarded in

i finally found the key open your heart x spots the mark baby don't turn a frown make an ass out yourself, baby open your heart six years old i tried my first pair of jordans on it was late in the fall i caught a glimpse of my first love, my god knees hit the floor, screams to

why they had to take my ma? before the feds come and get you your mom's in prison, your father need a new kidney you family's splitting, rivalries between siblings if cash ain't king it's damn sure the incentive and good riddance new york city are you with us? ( applause ) bout the year drizzy and cole dropped before k. dot had it locked i was sleeping on the floor, newborn baby boy tryna get my money pot so wifey wouldn't get deported cursing the heavens, falling out of orbit truma roll this seven, tryna up my portion what about your goals? what about your leverage? so they don't force you into some hole what's the meaning of my fortune meeting? when i crack the cookie all it said was "keep dreaming"

i see leaves missing generations of harsh living and addiction i came to visit during the seven year stint but they wouldn't let me in because my license suspended now i'm scraping the pennies just to kiss you on your cheek it's gonna be a couple weeks before i get it six years old i tried my first pair of jordans on momma can you carry me? it was late in the fall i caught a glimpse of my first love, my god momma can you carry me? knees hit the floor, screams to the lord why they had to take my ma? to the early morn to the early morning to the early morning

yeah, oh, oh, oh momma can you carry me? ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: wooo! anderson paak and the free nationals, everybody!

,, ,, ,,

,, ,, >> stephen: that's it for "the late show." tune in tomorrow when my guests will be michael strahan, samantha bee, and a musical performance by wilco. now stick around for james corden. good night! captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> reggie: are you ready

it's the late, late show colson, illinois, give it up for your host, the one, the only, james corden! [cheering and applause] >>james: good evening, welcome to the "late late show." i've had a great day. thanks very much. thank you! ladies and gentlemen, valentine's day is about a week away, and a lot of people around this time of year feel the pressure to couple-up. one couple in orange county is definitely feeling it because

been messaging each other on instagram. they met on friday and got married ten minutes later in baggage reclaim. i know you're thinking this doesn't sound like a good idea. and after seeing this story you can see why instagram shoot itself down. >> you leap into that like there's no tomorrow and that's what we're doing. >> for months their romance grew with original poetry along with videos. artie bought a one-way plane ticket then: >> oh my gosh hi, i'm erica. >> artie poches artie pops the question. your advice to all these love-seekers out there.

listen to your head. >>james: is it purposeful that meeting at the airport. you know that both of these people have a lot of baggage. you know, you have to scale it is nice that someone found love on instagram or as i report this story next week, someone found their murderer on instagram. take a look at the photo of this guy, look at that. the guy proposed and got married with a bluetooth in his ear! i hope the person on the other end of the headset was like, i'm kidding, there's never been another person on the other end of a bluetooth. anyway, if you'd like to get the couple a wedding gift, they're registered at hudson news, burger king, and one of those tiny kiosks that only sell bottled water and hummus. but these two weren't the only people looking for love online. it turns out, an associate of osama bin laden's, who is

guantanamo bay was recently found to have a match.com profile. well, i guess we know the answer to the question " your place or mine?" in order to update his profile from prison, he writes letters to his lawyer. this guy writes updates about a wide variety of things, for example, about caitlyn jenner he wrote, " happy for her because people are born the way they are." i can't believe i'm going to say this but i think i have a favorite member of al qaeda. i'm not saying i like him, he's just my favorite. it's a low bar. it's a low bar. he's the best of a bad bunch. with women was " hello" ? one of my own. i just hope this former al qaeda

online. after last year's ashley madison hack, dating online couldn't be more complicated. but it turns out there may be a solution. ashley madison has revealed a brand new fix to counter the breach in security they faced in 2015. to allow people to cheat on their spouses in anonymity, the profile pictures will now feature... wait for it... masks. this is what the new security feature that hides your identity on ashley madison looks like. we are not making this up: who is this for? is someone thinking, " i need to cheat on my wife, but discreetly. what would the hamburglar do?" (

) we here at the "late late show" have been wondering if this will work. let's take a look and see some of the new ashley madison users to see if you can get an idea of who they are. wow. complete anonymity. you've done it again, ashley madison. shall we see who our guests are tonight? in the red room, she's a brilliant comedian you know from" @midnight," " inside amy schumer," and " nikki & sara live," the hilarious, nikki glaser! hi nikki, wow! >> hi! hey nikki all ready for the show? >> i'm so ready like i couldn't be more ready. >>james: wow, going to the

>> yeah, just -- this is just me, you know? just have to be me, just want to be comfortable. >>james: do you man, do you. >> they told me you were coming to the dressing room, i thought i didn't have to be. >>james: i get it. stick with it, nikki glaser! and the blue room tonight, an absolute streak, emmy award winner, let's face it, accommodate icon. let's say rosie o'donnell is here! there she is. >> somebody took my spanks from my room. >>james: that wasn't nikki that was actually me.

i'm out there i got some stuff to -- >>james: i should warn you they are only an inch wide by two inches high, if you bounce yourself in i go neck to ankle. that's my spanks. >> that's the sausage specialty. >>james: roandz >> james: and in the orange room, you know her from the hit tv show masterchef junior, where just last week she became their youngest winner ever and the first female to win in the history of the show. it's the champion herself, addison oasta smith! >>james: i'm doing well how are you? >> i'm doing really good. >>james: you just won master chef. >> yes i did. >>james: how does it feel? >> amazing.

>>james: has your life changed? >> a little bit. >> paparazzi. >> i see them in the bushes. >>james: addison is going to cook up something later right? >> >> james: reggie, are you ready? he's reggie watts, i'm james corden and this, this is the "late, late show!" roll the titles. ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by cbs the late, late show, oh, oh the late, late show, ooh the late, late show, oh, oh the late, late show oh, oh the late, late show >>james: how you doing reg?

>>james: was that the mood you had last night? >>reggie: i think it had to night. >>james: what did you do last night? >>reggie: the band played at el cid and bright lights -- >>james: bright lights, the rest of the band seem amazing. >>reggie: they're incredible. i'm so sensitive. >>james: that's what, you're a sensitive guy, that's what everybody says about you, a maverick who refuses to play by the rules. reggie we love you! [cheering and applause] > >> james: so once again, i stayed up all night watching videos on youtube and learning new things. it was totally worth it because now i get to share those things with you.

making new friends is hard. what a baby! >>reggie: definitely a baby. >>james: definitely a >> james: moving on, tonight i learned, a new definition of the term, " swingers." and what you get when you make your own sex swing. next up tonight i learned there's always more fish in the sea. >> i'm here, at the beach and -- and finally i learned the

>> standing on an egg. >> what was the best case scenario? what did he hope was going to happen? what was the best thing that could happen? look at this video of me standing on an egg. this has been tonight i learned. after the break, we debut a brand-new game that you won't want to miss. we'll be right back. what's the most awarded car company of the year? ranking from top to bottom. luxury cars just seem like they would be top awarded there better be some awards behind what you are paying for, right. the final answer. chevy. the most awarded car company two years in a row. wow, it's like a luxury car. i was shocked. i mean it's like, this is chevy? current qualified gm lessees can get a sign and drive lease

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than tough enough to cut it. people are probably going to underestimate me. man: watch out, the metrosexual cowboy is on his way. oh

,, ,, >> james: many people are betting on how the super bowl will turn out, but we here at the "late, late show" have our own way of deciding who will win. downstairs here in the parking lot we have matt, a die hard carolina panthers fan and kit, a lifelong denver broncos fan. both have one task: to catch as many footballs being thrown from the roof as possible. if matt catches the most balls, we predict that the carolina panthers will win. if kit catches the most balls, we're going with the denver broncos. yes that's right... this game makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. there is one twist however: our fans don't know if they are

football. this is our brand new game, , positive it's going to have its own spinoff series within no time. is it football or cake? >> it's football or cake. >>james: hey kit hey matt how you feeling? >> baby our time. >>james: we couldn't have found two more football dudes. all right one question who's going to win the super bowl? >> the problem broncos baby. >>james: you ready for this? you going to catch asful as you{_ can, youi good, okay let's go, time starts now, here we go. oh, solid catch. coming at you. oh okay. here we go.

okay there we are. all right. , nice, good catch. who's got it,{_ coming up? oh! hoo hoo{_ hoo, ha ha ha.{_ sreenivasan you guysrhungry, there itr{_ is. here we good, is it a cake or is it a football? okay, football. coming down. whoa! whoa come on big dog, it's all yours, oh, oh he's gone, football coming down! oh good catch of ai cake. come on big dog{_ alli you!r

right. oh, it's a go! all right, okay, double-throw let's go. oh nice catch! okay, asr our last two footballs to play for -- oh! well, ir can tellr{you: kit, you caught more balls and cakes which means, the denver broncos are going to win the super bowl. we'll be right back with rosie

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