"jimmy kimmel live"! >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "j"jmy kimmel live"! tonight, john krasinski. from espn, chris fowler and kirk herbstreit. and music from seal. with cleto and the cletones. and now, get ready, here's jimmy

thank you, everybody. very2nice. thank you for watching. thanks. a great time. you know we have weird morning here. all the schools in los angeles were clolod today because someone -- they haven't figured out who yet -- sent the school system a threatening e-mail. york. they decided it was aoax, the schools stayed open. here in l.a. we have so many implants we don't know the difference between real and fake anymore. more than 700,000 students were told not to come to school today which meant lot of our staff members had to bring their kids into the office. so since they were here we decided to put them to work. i actually had one of them write a joke for the monologue. and let's see what he came up with here. let't' see. "star wars" is opening on friday.

because they love t go to the moo-vies. i don't get it. cows don't go to the movies. it doesn't make any sense at all. this is a terrible joke. you come into my office and you give me a joke like this? what's wrong with you? i mean, you know, you know that house you live ? the reason that your parents are able to pay the rent is because your father works on this show. and now i get a joke like this -- you're fired. get out of here. take this joke with you. yeah, no, no, you can't -- you have to -- you can't -- you can't coddlee them. we're going to need the headset, too. yeah.

the snack table. [ applause ] antitipated. right? right,@guillermo? this time of year students in illinois, something they came up with school in 1960. people call them and request a song and then the students sing the song for them ve. sohey open the lines at midnight on thursday. so far they've received more than 11,000 calls which is incredible. they finally figured out a way to make music come out of your phone. but it's popular. it's so popular, in fact, this style of carol that the idea is spreading to other religions. >> if you like dial a carol you'll love han-a-call. we're standing by to sing all of

>> what tune would you like to hear today? sure thing. i made it out of clay and when it't' dry and ready oh dreidel i will play >> we know every hanukkah song in the book. and we're ready to sing it for wow. >> do you want to hear the song? drad >> 24 hours a day, eight nights of hanukkah. >> let me guess, the [ bleep ] song? >> what are you waiting for? i made it out of clay >> gary, are you going the hanukkah thing again? we talked about this. you're fired. >> give a call todada >> jimmy: really, really b b news is that kid i fired, that's

this is funny. wecour the newsvery day for anything local that might be of interest nationally. this gem comes courtesy of the cbs affiliate in rochester, minnesota. a story of a bank robbe turned into a lave news event of the ages. >> we first todod turn to the bank investigation. we are live with more. adam? >> tyler, just 24 hours ago this bank in -- >> that guy right there. >> what? >> that's the robber. >> oh, that's the robber. this is live tv, folks. that's the robber that just went by, according to the bank employee. so i got to go here and call 911. i'll talk to you later. >> jimmy: they'll definitely get an emmy. that's "fargo, season three" starts.

and friends, it took place at the venetian hotel in las vegas, moderated by celine dion. one big question still remains unanswered. that question is, who the hell is this man? i think he's my dad's friend from work. but i could be wrong. all the big nachlgs were the. trump, cruz, carson, chris christie got moved up from what they call the kids' table to the main debate. apparently he ate everything on the kids' table so they had to move him.h the reason chris christie is picking up steam, he points out the other candidates want to build walls or beef up border patrols. he's the only candidate with an actual experience in stopping people from getting where they want to go. he stopped thousands of people in new jersey from crossing the bridge to new yoyo. he can do that with mexico, too, folks. by the way, donald trump was

trump now holds a very big lead in the national polls. trump leads ted cruz by 27 points in the new monmouth poll and also way ahead in the new poll. i don't t ow if i trust these polls. basically donald trump is leading among people who still answer their landline at their house. you know? donald trump is going to be with us tomorrow night. and he will be here in studio. he says a lot of interesting stuff, so we decided to have fun with that. to prepare for his visit we went on the street and asked pple if they had heard about a bunch of things that we made up in this edition of "lie witness news." >> i'm sure you saw that rally in ohio where donald trump wore the diaper and swung the baby bottle around, i'm a democrat, help me change my diaper. did that help orurt his legitimacy? >> it hurt. >> did you hear about it? >> on npr.

were you surprised that donald trump said that guns don't kill do? >> yes, it's quite ahock all. that? >> always the news and/or the internet. >> we're talking to people about donald trump. some of his comments about muslims have some people comparing them with hitler. hitler's been trying to distance himself from donald trump. this morning hitler tweeted, trump can kiss my wiener snitsel. what did you think? >> i thought it was pretty funny. >> did you see that? >> i saw it on twitter. >> people have been talking about it? >> yes, it was all over my twtwter. >> people are laughing saying they're glad donald trump is disqualified by the presidency. >> by hitler? >> by hitler. >> what did you think of donald trump's statement, if it's brown, flusht down to mexico? >> i thought -- >> flush all that brown down to mexico. >> whoa, did he really just say that? >> i agree with him.

it's true. >> i still thought, oh, my god, did you reallyy say that? >> where were you when you saw him say that? >> i was at home. on television. i was like, oh, my god, did he really just say that. >> do me a favor, guys,ook in eamera and tell donald trump what you want to tell him? be a good president. keep being you. >> that's what we need, a great businessman like donald trump to run our country. >> go. >> keep on rocking it, man. >> you're not lying, are you? >> no, absolutely not. [ applause ] >> jimmy: part of what makes the holiday season festive is the music, holiday music. ourusical guest tonights the one and only seal. seal is a grammy award winner. tonight he's releasing a new project specifically for the holidays for anyone who loves christmas, for wt it really

>> hello, i'm seal. every christmas artists like myself release albums about the joy and wonder of the@ season but what about the parts of christmas that aren't so joyous? what about the parts of christmas that kind of suck? well, now, there's an album for that, too. >> seal's "honest christmas carols" " th realistic soon to be holiday hits like -- no one likes your ugly sweater party no one likes your ugly sweater smile >> seal since what you're thinking. mom's drunk again >> christmas carols you always wish you had. i don't want to meet your family because i'm breaking up with you next week yeah >> and of course the timeless classic. all my friends from high school are fat

all my friends from high school are fat >> finally, songs you wish existed. another [ bleep ] get car this is just what i needed >> seal's honest christmas carols, the perfect gift for people you know. >> order now and tell them how you really feel. my cousin's new boyfriend is a [ bleep ] >> "seal's honest christmas carols," available at walgreens. >> jimmy: when we come back i'm going to tell you about the -- i saw the new "star wars" movie last night. i'll tell you how it ends. and my aunt chippy is going to reveal our family christmas cards and i'll tell you about my

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>> jimmy: chris fowler and music from seal is on the way. this is a movie. have you heard about it? i saw it last night. and then today everyone at work just said -- everyone kept saying over and over, i don't want to hear anything about it. i don't want to know anything. i really feel like i want to tell somebody something. so there's a thing called the force. and it's got a real dark side

kind of likee snoop dogg in a way. so this is how things go in my family. my aunt chippy called my wife the other day to thank her for my christmas card in thee mail. photo of our daughter 17 months old. my aunt said she appreciated my card because she's sick of getting stupid cards. my aunt chippy turns out in particular don't like the cards my brother sends out every year. my brother makes funny cards with photo shop with his kids in them. we brought her in to give her a review of some of those cards and as she usually does, to spread joy throughout the land. od energy and, action! >> here's a doozy. it's a doozy. this is from my nephew jonathan of -- can you find the kids in here? this is [ bleep ]. don't do me no favors, jonathan.

card and your kids' faces are as big as a pinhead. oh, here's jonathan's kids again. they're really cute kids in person. i mean, they're adorable in person. you would never know it by seeing t cards this [ bleep ] sends out. jump for joy. jump [ bleep ]. i don't want to see any babies jumping out of planes. thank you. merry christmas. whatever [ bleep ] you got for me? now, this is what a christmas card should look like. look at that adorable little rl. this is my granddaughter when she was little. nice christmas picture. the face you want to eat up. and a picture that makes you happy when you see it, when you are really down in theumps and feel like [ bleep ]. >> there wasn't quite enough energy in that so we're going do the whole thing again. >> [ bleep ] [ bleep ]. let me tell you something, you

one of these days i'm going to knock your freakin' teeth out. >> merry christmas. >> and a merry christmas to you, too. [ applause ] >> jimmy: we have a very good show for youtonight. we have music from seal from espn chris fowler and kirk herbstreit here and my oldal john krasinski is visiting. we have a holiday tradition of pulling -- would become a elaborate pranks on each other. he started it. four years ago john and his wife emily broke into my house and they put a lit up snowman and santa in my living room. so i got them back. a couple of days later i bought a neon insurance sign from craigslist and put it in their front yard. there's john with the sign. john, i don't think this was even christmas. found a garden zombie in the sky mall and he planted it in our garden. which i will tell you when you go out in the garden and happen

next year i got ahold of 26-foot inflatable reindeer and i inflated it in front of his house and added reindeer poop while we were at it. next year i upped the ante more. i sent eightrucks worth of holiday decorations and a huge crew to wrap his whole house. we gift wrapped his house. and then he came home from work andd happenedd upon it. and i fug uredigured, that would be it, right? that would be the end of this. but it wasn't because last year they wrapped my car. it. they filled i with glass ornamentnt and thth, by the way, yeah, they all came out. this -- thisidn't happen only once. the next night i i went out to the

again. and then there were people in the car this time. christmas carollers popped out and sang. and then when his wife emily was a guest here on the show, john surprised me with this. now, this is -- that's john in front of myy carar that he banged into the wall. yeah. and dropped a piano on my car. so this yearr it'son. i mean, it's -- there's no baby jesus anymore. okay? and we will share the results of what wasone to me in just a few minutes.

[ applause ] >> jimmy: tonight, a couple of college football fellas. they have plans for you on new year's'sve. om espn, chris fowler and kirk herbsbseit are here. then, a very talented gentleman, his new album is called "seal seven," seal from the samsung outdoor stage. tomorrow night, we have quite a show tomorrow night, we'll have donald trump, music from gary

mean tweets. join us. we have a very funny actor and dangerous neighbor who has transformed his body into that of a navy s.e.a.l. he stars in the new michael bay-directed movie "13 hours: the secret soldiers of benghazi." >> i'm think og mf thinking of my girl, man. i'm thinking, w wt would they say about me? he died in a place he didn't need to be in a battle over something he doesn't undstand in a country that meant nothing to him. every time i go he to becky and those girls, i think, this is it, i'm going to stay. and then something happens and i end up back here. why is that? why can't i go home? why can't i go home and just stay there? >> jimmymy"13 hours: the secret

it opens january 15th. please welcome john krasinski. [ applause ] >> thank you. >> jimmy: guillermo told me you had a pit bull back there and i believed it. >> i saw your reaction, does he? that was amazing. >> jimmy: before we get to the prank story,y, this is not your typical michael bey movie. there's action but it's real based on a real story. >> yeah, based on the most incredible true story about -- it's atory i don't thihi a lot of people know. i think people think they know about benghazi. i didn't know all the details until i read the book. the true heroes wrote the book and it's about the six guys that went in to tryo save ambassador stevens that night and ended up saving 29 american lives they were under siege by 250, 290 guys,3 hours

unbelievable. person? >> i do. i do, yeah. movie? >> in the book he's actually one of the guys that's still remainink confidential but in the book they call him jack silva. they're contractors for the cia time. ex-retired military. go. save anybody. they could have just stayed where they were and stayed safe and they put their lives on the line immediately. >> jimmy: did you meet the man you're playing in the movie? >> i did. emotional thing. he's such an incredible guy. amazing to see these guys how unassuming they are. nice gentle guys. if you saw them at bar, you woulul't go, y y're a navy s.e.a.l. nice, good guys that do these things without any hesitation. >> jimmy: you had to go on a diet and start working out in a

was infringing on my fun. it's true. >> it's true. we didn't have any fun. i just came over and drank water at your house, basically. >> jimmy: you can't eat anything. you can't drink. what was your regimen? what was the w wkout you went through for this? >> basically eating salads and chicken and water. and working out all the time. did two-a-day workouts with my trainer jason walsh who is a really great guy. >> jimmy: seven days a week you worked out? >> probably five and six days a week, twice a day. i was dog, let's do it, get the bench press going. he said, no, draghat sled from here to there. i thought, how hard is that? i was having a heart attack. >> jimmy: what was your body fat when you started, your percentage? >> you shouldn't sayhis on television television. my body fat was, i believe, 25%. >> jimmy: that's good, right? >> no, no. >> jimmy: 75not fat. >> i thought so, too. not bad, right? he was like, it's awful. it's awful. andd then by the time i did the

>> jimmy: so this is -- [ applause ] -- this came out tonight. this is "men's health" magazine. i'm very upsetet because i i really feel i should have been invited to this photo shoot. "how john got jacked." where is the guy who jacked you? is he in the alley? >>e tried to take my leather jacket, so i had to take it off and hold it, protect it. >> jimmy: let's look at the spoilers on the big screen so people can really see. there you are bike riding. that's a bike. >> that really shows it off. shows off all the work. >> jimmy: that's a good one. there you're pondering, deep in thought. >> just before i got mugged. >> jimmy: all right. oh, there you are. >> thank you. >> jimmy: very muscular. i think we have one more. yeah, yeah. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i mean, you're greasy and muscular and all of that stuff. this is so exciting. >> you never say stuff like a to

>> jimmy: i say you're greasy sometimes. i have the body of not a navy s.s.a.l. but an actual seal. like a harbor seal. >> no, my biggest regret is that i didn't get to eat with you at your house. >> jimmy: now plenty of time. >> he comes home and the first thing he does is cook pizzas and spaghetti to just like calm down. >> jimmy: what? >> yeah. i throw on "game of thrones" and that's the difference between us. >> jimmy: we're goingngo take a break re. when we come back i told the audience a little bit about our holiday annual prank war. we're going see h jimmy got jacked when we come back. john krasinski is here. (politely) wait, wait, wait! you can't put it in like that, you have to rinse it first. what's that, alfredo? no,that can go in. no it can't! what are you, nuts? that's baked-on alfredo. baked-on? it's never gonna work. dish isssss? trust your dishwasher with cascade platinum. it powers... through... your toughest stuck-on food.

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yes! switch to u.s. cellular and get 15 gigs of data for just $70. plus $400 in promo cards. >> jimmy: we're back with john krasinski. chris fowler and kirk herbstreit will be here, along with seal. when did the prank start? >> four years ago. >> four years ago you broke into my home. >> yeah. >> pretty innocent. beyond. your producer called it be cubed. >> jimmy: be cubed. again. >> jimmy: last year it got a little bit crazy with my car. >> yeah. we took it u` a notch. >> jimmy: so this year -- >> it got ightening. >> jimmy: -- i was under the impress it was my turn to do something to you. >> this is my greatest joy about this year's prink is that realternate and i robbed you of the joy.

i remember seeing your eyes like, that's really funny. i hate you. >> jimmy: yeah, well, because i knew you were coming. i was like, oh, we've got to do something to john when he was here. >> the night before you got here, oh, we can't wait to get john. she was like, totally. >> jimmy: and then -- >> mary told her about it. >> do you wawa any of t tse other topics? >> definitely need the topic. >> i'll just wave them? >> okay. >> ho, ho, ho, merry christmas. i'm your secret santa. >> bleep ]. what is going on here? >> ho, ho, ho. >> jimmy: yeah, that was much more graphic than it appeared on television. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i figurere that's cute. that was fun.

>> jimmy: and yet -- and here we go again. i am not going in this room. i don't know what's in here. it smells weird though. oh, my gosh. come on. it crapped all over my bathroom. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and that was enough. that seemed like enough, right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: that seemed like enough. it turns out, it wasn't.

>> jimmy: oh, my god. again? oh, my god. oh, boy. open me. i'm trying to open you. oh. oh, i see what's going to happen here. >> do you? ah! get in here. happy holidays. >> jimmy: wow, so there's no card? >> no, nothing. >> jimmy: this was my office.

>> jimmy: allllight approximately well, there we go. have yourself a merry little christmas. okay. >> jimmy: you're breaking things. >> sorry. >> jimmy: there's still fake snow in my office. so well-done. >> thank you. >> jimmy: you went to great lengthth but i do have a little somethingng for you. >> no. >> jimmy: yeah, i do have a little something planned. now look at the video screen here. now, that's me at work. and that's your head. >> don't do it. >> jimmy: as you can see. for you. >> oh, my gosh. recognize that addres thats your home address, john. >> oh, my god. >> jimmy: and what we did is we put that on the xerox machine, good old xerox machine.

copies of this yard sale sign. >> no. which that is my real address. >> jimmy: that is your real address. we postedhem all over town today. so those are out there now. and there are quite a few of them. by tar pits in case the tourists came by. >> is that guy -- >> jimmy: i don't know if yoyo -- >> ucla? >> jimmy: -- have things you need to sell? >> oh, my god. >> jimmy: but we got a lot of them out there. wait a minute. >> jimmy: and the good news is, you're going to have an early morning tomorrow morning. applause ] at 6:00 a.m. tomorrow. sometimes they show up early. >> you get to laugh because all you're thinking about is this is

i've been in that situation before. . >> yeah. >> jimmy: i have one other thing for you, also. one other little surprise. [ applause ] it's eggnog. i don't know if that goes with your diet though. [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: john krasinski! "13 hours: the secret soldiers of benghazi" opens in theaters january 15th.

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>> jimmy: we're back. still to come, music from seal. i have to say, i've never had

if you are the kind of fan who sleeps in a football helmet and pre-ordered a coffin ininour alma mater's team colors, then you are definitely familiar with our next guests on "saturday night football" and "college game day," starting at 4:00 p.m. eastern on new year's eve they'll bring you the second ever college football playoff, please welcome chris fowler and kirk herbstreit. [ applause ] >> jimmy: very good to see you. this didn't turn out exactly how i had planned, but, you know. >> that's next level stuff there. >> jimmy: next year there will be a murder. >> yes. i don't knowowhere you can go at this point. >> jimmy: so this is our annual prank show. you guys -- now, there was a prank on halloween.

telling usa little bit aboutut this, what happpped. >> well, first of all, it's not -- >> first of all -- >> first of all, i think it's more like a little surprise than a prank. it wasn't at that level. but halloween eve we're in philadelphia. there's a haunted penitentiary where al capone was once jailed. they have a halloween month long thing. it's scary. you are grabbed by goblins and you navigatee through it. kirk said he was going to be there but bagged out at the last minu and wt to something even scarier, 76ers game and sat courtside. we thought we would bring the show to him in the booth on halloween night. >> i'm not a fan. >> jimmy: is that the way it went? >> no, i said i wasn't going. there's no chance i'm going. >>immy: and then they wouou up bringing a ing aing a zombie on camera. >> looked like notre dame was just going to -- >> oh, god.

these are some friends of mine from -- eastern states penitentiary we visited lt night. they got you. youu got him. >> jimmy: let's watch this once more in slow motion just for the sound. >> ah! >immy: came out like a -- >> the ninja kick self-defense. >> that was great. that was a lot of fun. >> i gave them no instructions to charge him. i think the fact that there was a very petite zombie. those were two temple students. >> jimmy: they're scary when they're little, aren't they? >> tiny and charged him aggressively. >> jimmy: so tonight in the spirit of fairness we set up a zombie in your -- >> before you say that, he claims he can never bescared. he went to that haunted mansion. >> i don't claim that. i don't claim that. >> i said was it scary? no, wasn't that bad. not a big a deal. everybody else said they were

tonight i asked your@ guys if we could do this. >> jimmy: we did. we are very accommodatiti in that way. >> yes. >> see you. >> you got it. >> all right, chris. >> [ bleep ]. [ applause ] >> [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: i think -- >> well played. >> jimmy: kirk still has you. >> you bleeped it out, thank you. >> jimmy: you guyuy on new year's eve, now, you want people to stopwatching this big stupid mirror ball that comes down and start watching the football as >> yes. don't go the work on new year's eve because 4:00 eastern, 1:00 pacific is the first semifinals. you can't be productive on new year's eve anyway.

>> yes, take the day off. for the night game make sure whatever party you're going to has the tv on. >> in all seriousness. it's a new thing for the for espn. the college football game is on new year's eve which is different from january 1st or 11th. yead, we had a 4:00 p.m. eastern kick with oklahoma and clemson. then 8:00 the game chris and i will call is michigan state a a alabama from dallas in the cotton bowl. >> we said last year there were controversy, people got mad about the four teams chosen. it wasn't the case this year. they have all of these smart peopop on the committeeee and they spent all these hours. at the end of the day, you could have had have added illermo, your friend yaya, captain america. if you gave them thehe piece of paper they would have done it and been right. >> jimmy: will you make a pick on the games? i know you don't typically do it. >> the game that i call, i i won't. i'm safe there.

i'll probably pick oklahoma. i think oklahoma is the most complete team right now. i think oklahoma is t team to beat in the orange bowl. >> jimmy: i imagine that, you could turn the whole new year's eve celebration upside-down now. you could ruin it for everyone. but it's a -- >> i'm just happy to have a new year's eve. we used to have a show, "game day" still exists on new year's morning. went to bed at 9:00 and got four hours sleep. >> jimmy: will you get drunk during the game? >> maybe after. not during. >> jimmy: mayay duringng >> only if there's more prampgs. then all bets are off. >> jimmy: look up. here it comes. >> don't you care. >> jimmy: chris fowler and the college football playoff begins on new year's eve at 4:00 p.m. . stern on espn. we'll be right back with seal. >> "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by samsung. don't miss tonight's "jimmy

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by seal.

concert series is presented by samsung. >> jimmy: thanks to john krasinski, chris fowler, kirk herbstreit, and apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. "nghtline" is next but first, you can e this full concert on his album m called "seal seven." here with the song "every time i'm with you," seal. are we going insane do we need to exexain i feel like we know it am i doing it right 'cause when you show me that candlelight i don't wanna blow it coming in let me know if you like it

shsh me excited i can lose it all it won't be daunting somehow i don't think i'd even care 'cause every time i'm with you i feel wanted we could make believers if we dare yeah there is so much at stake hearts too soft to break but we don't need to go there 'cause we're like

like the summer rain you and i are not the same we're not the same that's what makes it perfect coming in let me know if you like it show me you like it show me excited i can lose it all it won't be daunting somehow i i n't think i'd even care 1'cause every time i'm with you i feel wanted we could make believers if we dare yeah coming out show me you like it

coming out show me u like it show me you like it i can lose it all it won't be daunting sometimes i don't think i'd even care 'cause every time i'm with you i feel wawaed we could make believers if we dare yeah we're just t o believers if we dare yeah coming out