tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC July 21, 2010 11:05pm-12:05am PST
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and finally, tomorrow night on "nightline," hugh hefner reveals his many surprising sides. he's an original, and he knows it. >> i'm a very lucky cat, and i know it. i'm riding the horse for all its worth. ♪ happy birthday >> reporter: the brand is at a crossroads, and he's ready to fight for the brand he built. that's our report for tonight. for all of us at abc news, good night, america. >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel. join me tonight with author adam carolla, music from rasheem devaughn, and this little fellow. his name is ariel antigua. he's 5 and able to hit an 85-mile-an-hour fastball. and the only juice this kid is on comes out of a box. ♪ steroids joke. steroids joke. back in two minutes.
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>> jimmy: hi, everyone. thank you, cleto. i'm jimmy. thank you for coming. let's get started. we have a lot to cover tonight and precious little material to cover it with. start with lindsay lohan, who as we know, went away to summer jail camp yesterday. today was her second day of 90-day sentence here in california. they say she'll probably only be in there for two weeks, which is barely enough time to learn how to use a spork. they're big in prison. tho if lindsay does get out in two weeks, it would mark the first time she's ever gone home early for anything, so, that's -- that would be good. i think it would be kind of fun to spend two weeks in prison. you know, i mean -- as long as, you know, there was no --
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[ laughter ] there was no sporking. a lot of fun. they released lindsay's mug shot today. she's got a few of them now. this is her first one. you never forget your first mug shot. that's from 2007 when she served 84 minutes in jail for two duis. her next mug shot was taken later that year by, i think by annie le bow witness. she was booked for possession of cocaine and driving with a suspended license. she swore the drugs weren't hers. was i the only one that believed her? and then, here's her mug shot from yesterday, which, it looks like -- she may have gotten her lips plumped before she went in. a lot of prisoners do that now days. and experts have determined that the next time she's in cars r e rat rated, she will look something like this. still have that movie star quality. lindsay's father, michael lohan, who lindsay does not like, and she would like him to leave her
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alone, was the belle of the ball yesterday. he had his own camera crew with him at the courthouse yesterday. he did interviews with "larry king live," a gossip website, fox news. so, at least some good has come of this, is what i'm saying. michael has been to prison a few times. once for insider trading and another time for fighting his brother-in-law at his son's first holy communion, which is where my family holds our fights. under the eyes of the lord. last night, mr. lohan told larry king that what his daughter should expect in jail and in doing so, provided us with our unintentional joke of the day. >> you have to swallow a lot when you're in there. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's on the men's side, though, that's not -- that won't apply to lindsay. so -- our friend jake byrd was also at the beverly hills courthouse yesterday. jake byrd is a celebrity
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supporter. you name the celebrity, we're there to support him. we showed clips of him last night. but there was one this morning on cbs that was too good to pass up. watch for jake. he's the one in the hat. >> the atmosphere continued even as lohan's lawyer talked. >> she's accepted responsibility and that's really all i have to say. >> she went to jail? >> yes, she did. >> oh! [ applause ] >> jimmy: some people report the news, others receive the news. in less than two weeks the state of missouri will vote on a proposition that if passed without exempt missouri exempt from fines for not buying health insurance. it's important with potentially far-reaching implication, and in kansas city, a reporter consider knbc there hit the street to get local reaction.
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>> for the first time anywhere in america. missouri voters are going to have an opportunity to vote whether they want to vote out of the federal health care reform laws. >> jimmy: and that's -- [ applause ] let's see that again. >> federal health care reform laws. >> jimmy: appears to be eating his head. yeah, that -- probably isn't going on his highlight reel. let's see that one more time but this time with jake byrd in it. >> for the first time anywhere in america on august 3rd, missouri voters are going to have an opportunity to vote whether or not they want to opt out of the new federal health care reform law. >> jimmy: that's actual news right there. [ applause ] that's terrible. hey, guys, don't do that. bald is fine. according to the hollywood reporter, "american idol's"
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search to find simon cowell's replacement is getting heavier. according to the report, harry connick jr. has been considered. bret michaels has been considered. and donald trump, who, when i think music, i think donald trump, has been considered. i don't think they should be allowed to just pick. they should have to go through what we go through. nine weeks of auditions in eight cities, 15 weeks of audience voting and then they can have their new judge, who we forget immediately, right? [ applause ] and -- donald trump would be fun but it has to be a music person. i would get phil spector out of jail to do this. he knows music. and if he doesn't like someone, he can shoot them. that's -- who wouldn't watch that? about 2 1/2 weeks ago, a guy sent me a youtube video of a man stumbling on a double rainbow in
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the yosemite national forest. at the time, it had like 800 views on youtube. i posted it to my twitter account. i tweeted it, which is something i do from time to time, and all of a sudden, now it has more than 6 million views, and it has many millions more on other websites and it's gott -- peopl are making parodies of it. here it is. enjoy. >> double rainbow. oh, my god. it's a double rainbow all the way. whoa! oh, my god. all my god! oh my god! woo. oh, wow! woo! oh, my god. look at that! it's starting to look like a triple rainbow. oh, my god it's full-on. double rainbow all the way across the sky. oh, my god.
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what does this mean? oh. it's so bright. oh, my god. it's so bright and vivid. oh! oh! oh! oh, my god. oh, my god. what does it mean? too much. oh, my god. it's so intense. >> jimmy: he really likes rainbows. so it turns out the guy who made the video is a gentleman by the name of paul vazquez, and he posted this video of himself, but before i show it, i want you to imagine what he looks like,
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just get an image in your head, all right? do you have it? everyone has something in their head? okay, wrong. >> if there is ever anything i can do for you, jimmy, please let me know. if you ever want to come to yosemite, i will show you a good time. >> jimmy: well, you know what? i don't like to have that good of a time in general, so -- instead of going to yosemite, i invited paul here. he will be here with us tomorrow night. we'll go to the rainbow room, whatever. a young captain lou albano, for you wrestling fans. good news for fans of the show "jersey shore." taping of a third season of the show had been on hold because the cast was holding out for more money. today it was announced they reached an agreement with mtv and they're going to get more money. thank god. for not for us, for our
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children's sake. each cast member is going to get just under $30,000 an episode. [ laughter ] which is a good -- i will personally be satisfied until j-woww is making oprah money, but $30,000 is okay. you college kids sitting at home for the summer with your degrees, probably should have just gone to the tanning salon. this is surprising. bp has blundered again. i know, i didn't believe it, either, but they -- they acknowledge that a photo posted on their website -- they have a command center for this oil spill in houston. they acknowledged that the picture was photoshopped. they had this picture, well -- show the picture. this is workers monitoring a bank of ten, like, giant video screens there. and the real picture, unfortunately, was not ten screens. two of the screens were blank, and -- that's what it really looked like. they said their staff photographer was showing off his
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photoshop skills. if you are really good at that, no skill is really as impressive as cutting a rectangle. somebody is going through analyzing every picture on their website. some of them have been altered. this photo, turns out in reality, they're on a date. now here's one of a guy and a womb cleaning a pelican. this was photoshopped, too, in the original photograph, they're actually cooking a pelican. and then, one more, this is a rescue worker throwing a boom. it turns out he was on a booze cruise. i think the lesson here is, we can't trust this bp anymore. in other bad ocean news, the lobster population on the east coast has fallen to such low levels that the regulatory agency in charge of lobstering suggested a five-year ban on
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lobster fishing. this is on top of the damage in the gulf, which is possible hard times for many popular seafood chains, which of which is making big changes to its marketing plan. >> come on down to red nothing. empty plate of succulent, imagina imaginary shrimp. piled low with none of the trimmings. come hungry, leave hungry. red nothing. you're going to love what we don't got! >> jimmy: how can nothing have a color? [ applause ] this morning, our president, president obama, signed into law the most sweeping financial reform since the great depression. the idea, i guess, is to prevent another financial meltdown like the one we had two years ago. as is usually the case, the law started strong, then got watered down as it went through congress. originally going to make a lot of wall street guys illegal.
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the lobbyists got involved and now the law basically says wall street has to wait an hour before they go swimming. it cease something, though. i actually watched the signing ceremony on television this morning, and -- look at vice president biden here. >> i also want to thank the three republican senators who put partisanship aside, judged this bill on the merits and voted for reform. >> standing by the president and clapping appears to be his job. every time i see him -- i guess he stands around podiums waiting for obama to show up. well, here, look at this. >> this effort would not have been possible -- >> jimmy: there he is. >> extraordinary secretary of defense. and so i want to think -- >> jimmy: he starts the applause. like his height man, you know? >> from democrats and republicans -- >> jimmy: i agree. now here, he -- oh, no. and there you -- all right. now it's time. >> i'm going to have a basic
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cheddar cheeseburger. >> jimmy: well, there you go. sarah palin's daughter, bristol, did another interview. as you probably know, bristol reconciled with levi jaunls on the and they've been doing interviews for money. announcing they're engaged to be married. they didn't tell her mother. her mother doesn't really approve of the surprise reunion. you'd think she'd be happy. her daughter is marrying a playgirl centerfold. but she's not. you can usually tell how much she doesn't approve of something by how close the bullet whizzes by your year. she's been busy this weekend, inventing words. refudiate. it's catching on. >> andrew breitbart said he didn't post the video to hurt
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sherrod, but to refudiate members of the naacp. >> jimmy: that's right. it's a epi-dum-ic going on. she also referred to kodiak island in alaska as america's largest island, which it isn't. hawaii happens to be america's largest island. according to the liberal media. the first time sarah palin was in new hampshire, she called part of -- she called it part of the great northwest, which -- here's what i don't understand about palin supporters. every time she says something dumb, which is frequently, they say, i like the fact that she's a regular person and makes mistakes. that's fine, but why her? there are lots of people who say dumb things and didn't -- snooki, for example. why not get behind snooki? poor kid got punched in the face. clearly geography is not her
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strong suit. she's working on it. and she teamed up to make a video for kids with the people that used to make that "schoolhouse rock." ♪ 50 fifty ♪ united stated ♪ from 13 original colonies ♪ 50 nifty ♪ stars in the flag ♪ they deserve to be honored now ♪ ♪ california ♪ new york ♪ new jersey and connecticut ♪ florida ♪ georgia ♪ hmm ♪ hmm ♪ and russia ♪ in the usa you betcha! >> jimmy: you know what, it's a work in progress. but she's trying. we have a good show tonight. 5-year-old baseball phenom, his name is ariel antigua, he's here tonight. we have music from raheem
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>> jimmy: hello there. we are back. thank you for being on time. with us tonight, a 5-year-old boy from new jersey who is already hitting major league-speed fastballs. he's already hitting 95-mile-an-hour fastballs. tonight he's going to show off for us before the yankees try to sign him. ariel antigua is here. there's ariel getting warmed up. i'm going to ask his father if he'll sell him to me. then later, this is his third cd, called a "love & war masterpeace," raheem devaughn from the bud light stage. with music. and i want to say, tomorrow night, wilmer valderrama, dwayne wade of the miami heat, the double rainbow guy and music from keane.
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our first guest tonight is the host of the number one most downloaded podcast in the history of podcasts. almost three years they've been around, he's number one. you can listen to it every day through itunes or his website adamcarolla.com. and he has a book coming out november 2nd. please say hello to adam carolla. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: what's happening? you got -- you got a new suit. >> yes. i got it for free. >> jimmy: you did? >> yes. and they sent it to me in chicago and it had 400 [ bleep ] tags on it and i had to cut them off with miss teeth. when i walked in, dikck said, it's sown shut. he ran up behind me. i don't want to tell you what he
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opened it with, jimmy. >> jimmy: i'm shocked because you've withbeen on the show 37 s and you've worn the same suit every single time. now, you come out on this suit and i don't know what to make of you. it looks good. >> think of me as matt damon with a fat head. and speaking of -- let me tell you something. all along the corridors there's pictures of celebrities they would rather have on the show tonight than me in my dressing room, there's bill cosby and matt damon and i just sit there and stare at it and go, well, there's two guys they wish they had instead of me. you should have a picture of tom arnold and the maytag repairman. thank you. >> jimmy: we'll try to get one. how is the podcast going? and for those that don't understand that, explain what that is. >> i spend a bunch of my own money for band width and make no money through advertising and i do a klondike commercial. every does the same thing, they go, oh, you're a pioneer.
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you're the first guy there. and, like all the black guys in the nfl in the '40s who got rich, all those guys, think about all the thousands of black guys who are still rich today who entered the nfl in the '40s. that's me. i'm night train lane. >> jimmy: yeah. being a pioneer sounds good but when you are a pioneer it's not -- they die of malaria. >> you eat berries and get raped by indians. no. >> jimmy: if you're lucky. >> being a pioneer is good if that's the name of your college football team. not if you're actually pushing something down a river and getting slaughtered. >> jimmy: we started in radio, we were making no money and we did it just for -- just because we wanted -- and now you're back to that. >> right. right. except for, i am not living in an apartment and driving an '89 celica. i have kids to support. >> jimmy: you're homeless and you have children. you have twins. the cutest twins ever. fraternal twins, they call them.
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>> i don't know what that means, but yeah. >> jimmy: yes, yes. and how are they? are they enjoying the summer? >> i got some plans for them. >> jimmy: what are the plans for the kids? well, it's in the book, but when they turn 17 -- here's what i want to know. i want to know if my kids are going to be good drunks or bad drunks. i -- i know they're going to be drunks, but i want to know -- i want to know if i got a little david hasselhoff and lindsay lohan on my hands here. there's only one way to find out. when we're 17, we're going to the park with a 12-pack of mickey's big mouth and i'm going to get to the bottom of it. first, i'll liquor up my son. when we're done, i'll ask him, what do you want to do? if he pulls his shirt off, goes, you want some, old man, i'll snap you like kindling. [ applause ] >> jimmy: that's a good point. >> i know we have a bad drunk
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there. and if my daughter does one of these where he goes, somebody's been working out -- she's going right into rehab. because you don't want that in a daughter. >> jimmy: you turn her right over to dr. drew. he'll take care of her. now -- the fact that you've written a book is a source of much amusement to me and to everyone who knows you, because -- and i'm not even -- i'm not being a smart ass. have you ever read a book? >> well, i've -- i've looked at the guinness book of world records many times, as a matter of fact, that was my childhood. me just staring at a book that was thicker than it is wide, going -- i bet i could beat that mustache guy once puberty kicks in. that's all it was. if you look at it now, those fat guys on the twins, they're average size ninth graders. >> jimmy: on the motorcycle. you're probably right. that used to be a big thing when
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you were a kid. >> a choice between that and a rerun of "maude." could you imagine if you pulled your kid out of his flight simulator. dad, i'm having sex with my avatar, what? i want you to read this black and white brick with pictures of freaks in it with no waists. awesome. >> jimmy: you'd have trouble with that. you have written a book. did you enjoy the writing process? >> no. >> jimmy: no? >> it was lengthy and confusing. well, do people that can't swim enjoy being thrown in a lake? >> jimmy: no. not usually. >> well, there's your answer, james. >> because i remember a time, and this is -- i know it sounds like a joke, but this is absolutely true. we were working at "the man show" and you said to me, you asked me how to spell your wife ly lynnette's first name. >> we had only been dating for two years. at that time.
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and why it's not li i'll never know. but i had -- it was funny because i have no idea what i'm doing and i'm talking to my editor in new york, and i'm saying, how long should this book be, and she's like, about 80,000 words and i'm like -- is that a pamphlet, the bible? 80,000 words? oh, okay. you want to know how old i am, jimmy? i'm 15,000 days old. and i weigh 3200 ounces. just give me pages, bitch. >> jimmy: she boiled it down for you? >> yes. 80,000 words. i was counting for the first 22,000 words, you know? i numbered them. >> jimmy: and they don't determine the length of the word. >> oh, yeah, i learned fast. a lot of thes and ats and stuff. >> jimmy: you went through a lot of titles trying to come up with a title of the book and you
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brought some of the -- >> i brought a few in. they didn't go for these. some of these are a little bit older. again, this, you know, we've been worki ining on the book -- >> jimmy: you came up with these when? >> a last couple of months. these are the ones that my editor rejected. here's one, it's called "i, brow." i like that one. >> i didn't see what was wrong with it. people are laughing. i don't know. >> jimmy: people like it. all right. okay. here's one. >> this, i thought we could tap into something that's going on now. >> jimmy: "eat, pray, masturbate." >> i don't know what that masturbate is written in, but i pray that's conditioner. i pray that's conditioner. >> jimmy: well -- >> went through the trouble of mocking up the books to then tell me know. >> jimmy: it seems like a waste of money. >> why not just say no over the phone? >> jimmy: that's how they do things now days. this is -- "buy this book and i'll give you a pontiac."
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>> they like this idea but the lawyer stepped in because i thought this would be a real way to move some copies. >> and again, pontiac is out of business, so -- >> right, right. >> jimmy: that's not -- >> i told them to go oldsmobile -- wait a minute. >> jimmy: this one might be ail outdated. >> a couple months old. i thought it was a great idea at the time. >> jimmy: "mel gibson is my best friend and i agree with everything he says." >> again -- >> jimmy: i didn't know you knew him. >> i was trying to move books and just looking for an a-lister. now, it's like, wow. bullet donalded, you know what i mean? that could have been all over the news. >> jimmy: you really did, yeah. >> whoa. >> jimmy: this is exciting, though. tonight, you are going to unveil the title of the new book, the cover, on the show. nobody whoeps what it is. i assume you do. this is kind of like lebron james announcing -- >> a little bigger than that, yeah, but same deal, yeah. yeah. >> jimmy: so let's go outside now and maybe have some music. let's go outside for the big
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unveiling. >> jimmy: there it is. on the stand. it's going to be a good sized book. and you have spectacular unveil i ing. >> i look the pomp and circumstance. >> jimmy: well -- oh. yeah. well, someone should pull the cover off. >> jimmy: that should have happened. wow. >> oh, you don't kick it! what is he kicking it for? >> jimmy: probably trying to put it out, i guess. >> why don't you pull it out with your hose and not your foot, a-hole. >> jimmy: well, fortunately, i have a miniature version of the book. it's called -- this is really it, huh? >> sad that the mockup that you guys did -- your art department did in 20 minutes -- >> jimmy: you look like a male prostitute in this. >> well -- how dare you. >> jimmy: the book is called "in
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50 years we'll all be chicks." it comes out november 2nd. you can preorder it on adamcarolla.com, amazon, any of those things. and you can see him life at the san diego house of blues this saturday night at at the tempe improve august 6th through 8th. all correct? >> all right. >> jimmy: we'll be right back with 5 greer-year-old batter ar antigua. adam carolla, everybody. [ quinn ] my name is quinn, and this is my eggo. on fridays i have hockey before school, so i take two eggo homestyle waffles and put peanut butter inside. [ whispering ] i add a couple chocolate chips when dad's starting the car. [ male announcer ] there's only one way to eat an eggo...your way. [ quinn ] l'eggo my eggo. [ louise ] my name is louise and this is my eggo. on tuesday i go in even earlier than usual. thank goodness for eggo, a nutri-grain waffle with a quick smoodge of cream cheese... at least that part's easy. [ male announcer ] there's only one way
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>> jimmy: our next guest just graduated from prekindergarten and is already hitting major league speed fastballs. he's here tonight, up way past his bedtime, from jersey city, new jersey, please welcome 5-year-old baseball prodigy ariel antigua. hello, ariel. how are you? and hello, adam, how are you? >> i'm just going to stand right here, jimmy. >> jimmy: this is a good spot. >> is that cool? >> jimmy: you are scared of the ball? no. are you scared of anything?
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>> if you don't make it in the big leagues, you always have a job as an auctioneer waiting for you. >> jimmy: how old are you? when is your birthday? >> this is why they do rehearsals, kimmel. >> jimmy: you know, the athletes never give answers to the questions. it's unbelievable. your birthday is when, is it in august? >> my editor told me he was 1500 days old. >> jimmy: is it in september? is it in october? yes? it is in october. so you are 5 and three quarters years old. so, this is a ruse on your part. you're practically an adult man. do you play little league? you don't? because you're too good for the other kids? um -- do you speak english? well -- you know what? what you do -- >> i think he lets his bat do
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his talking. >> jimmy: absolutely right. do you let your bat do the talking? let me ask the bat. is this your bat? that's a big bat, isn't it? look at the size of this bat. this is like a 32 inch bat and it's almost as tall as you. this would be like if -- an adult using a bat that's, like, 80 feet long. you don't know what that means, do you? >> you know, normally i'm jealous that you have a late night show and i don't, but not know. i kind of enjoy this. >> jimmy: well, maybe -- let's get to the batting. do you want to hit some balls? >> the interview's going so well, jimmy. why stop? [ applause ] >> jimmy: you're right. >> we're rolling. >> jimmy: you went to dodger stadium last night, right? did you have fun there? did you meet any of the players? who did you meet? oh, really?
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was he nice? all right, let's hit some balls. enough of this. here we go. i'm going to catch for you, okay? is that all right if i catch for you? i'm going to assume it's fine. and cousin sal's got the pitching machine and guillermo is going to be timing this with a radar gun and a pretty snazzy fedora there, too. here we go. i'm not wearing a cup, by the way. do you wear a cup? you don't? oh. me, neither. >> all right. play ball. >> jimmy: real men don't need cups. whoa, look at that. oh. all right. got a piece of it. yeah. >> look at the form on this kid. >> oh, all right. there you go. you got a piece of me. >> jimmy: oh!
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who is your favorite player? never mind. oh, all right. you didn't think i could catch it, did you? all right, there you go. try to hit one right off cousin sal's head. uncle jimmy's starting to cramp up back here. >> you know, kimmel, i think this kid's all talk. >> jimmy: yeah! very nicely done. well, i tell you what, i look forward to, when you -- do you want to be in the major leagues one day? you don't? so this is all been kind of a waste of time then, i guess, huh? well, there you go. ariel antigua, everybody. we'll be right back with raheem devaughn.
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some bud light. here we go... ♪ baaaby what are you doing? ♪ i'm gonna work this partyyyyy... ♪ what party? ♪ hey, brad... hey, mike... hey, dwight ♪ ♪ yeah, yeah, oh, yeah ♪ ♪ i got the bud light ♪ buuud liiight ♪ we're gonna make the party right ♪ ♪ make the party right it's the sure sign of a good time. the just right taste of bud light. here we go. t-pain? ♪ pass that guacamole ♪
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if they wanna i don't care ♪ let them hate ♪ ♪ if they wanna goin' nowhere they can hate if they wanna ♪ ♪ let them hate if they wanna goin' nowhere ♪ ♪ let them hate if they wanna goin' nowhere ♪ ♪ all your friends keep sayin' you can do better with somebody else sayin' i'm dangerous ♪ ♪ and you can do bad all by yourself everybody got something to say ♪ ♪ and they don't even wanna see while they're talkin' so badly ♪ ♪ i actually make you happy
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all that matter is us anyway and i don't even give a damn for you i'm a better man ♪ ♪ so tell them if they want to hate they can let them talk about us they can hate if they wanna ♪ ♪ i don't care i don't care no matter what they say about us ♪ ♪ let them hate if they wanna goin' nowhere we ain't goin' nowhere ♪ ♪ everybody says you're too slow for me and the life that i live you ain't out in the club ♪ ♪ all night you want to be the quiet part of my life they don't understand ♪ ♪ how beautiful that is everybody got somethin' to say and they don't even wanna see while they're talkin' ♪ ♪ so badly i actually make you happy all that matter is us anyway and i don't even ♪ ♪ give a damn for you i'm a better man so tell them if they
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want to hate they can ♪ ♪ let them talk about us they can hate if they wanna i don't care i don't care ♪ ♪ no matter what they say about us ♪ we ain't goin' nowhere let them hate if they wanna i don't care no matter what they believe ♪ ♪ ain't goin' nowhere listen i think i'll say it again say it again ♪ ♪ say it again let them hate if they wanna i don't care no matter what they believe ♪ ♪ ain't goin' nowhere let them talk about us
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i don't care ♪ ♪ i don't care no matter what they say about us goin' nowhere we ain't goin' nowhere let them talk about us ♪ ♪ they can hate if they wanna i don't care i don't care no matter what they say ♪ ♪ about us let them hate if they wanna goin' nowhere we ain't goin' nowhere ♪ 1p ñeeeeee@(@($ñ$ñ$ñ$ñ$ñ$ñ)ñ)ñ $ñ@ú@ú@ú@ú@ú
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"meg whitman says she'll run california like her company..." seen this attack on meg whitman? who are these people? they're the unions and special interests behind jerry brown. they want jerry brown because, he won't "rock the boat," in sacramento. he'll be the same as he ever was. high taxes. lost jobs. big pensions for state employees. the special interests have chosen their governor. how about you?
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