♪ ..rresistible. by nature valley. ♪ tiger woods and elin in order glen formally ended their marriage today. their divorce is final nine months after tiger's suv crashed outside their home and led to revelations of the star golfer's numerous extra marital affairs. according to a statement, they are sad that their marriage is over, but they wished each other well and said that parenting

their two small children would remain their primary focus. financial details of the split have not been revealed. but that's our report for tonight. but that's our report for tonight. for all of us at abc news, good night, america. >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel. on the show tonight, christina applegate is with us and with child. comedian shane mauss is here. and hugh hefner will join us. there's a new documentary about his life coming out. there's hugh backstage. i'm concerned about him, because he's down to one girlfriend. he used to have, like, ten or something. and then the oil spill happened. damn you, bp. "jimmy kimmel live" back in two minutes.

you'll never go back to your old duster. [ funny voice ] hey, duster! wanna attract dust like swiffer 360 duster? then try the magnet hat! ♪ whoa! wow! [ female announcer ] sorry, duster, but swiffer 360 dusters attract dust with over 500,000 fibers and lock it away to clean better than a feather duster. swiffer's built smarter to clean better. ♪ she blinded me with science to finish what you started today. for the aches and sleeplessness in between, there's new motrin pm. no other medicine, not even advil pm, is more effective for pain and sleeplessness. new motrin pm.

with a refreshing splash of 100% natural lime flavor. one taste and you'll find, the good time lime. bud light lime. ♪ like i'm daydreaming again ♪ [ male announcer ] degree men responds to increases in adrenaline. from the new adrenaline series, comes degree men adventure. with subs so hot they'll burn the wimp right outta ya. quench the fire with a 32-ounce drink for a chance to win the new playstation move motion gaming system and lots of hot new games before they even hit stores. subway. where winners eat. and then there's most complete. like what you get from centrum ultra men's. the most complete multivitamin for men. it has antioxidants to help support your immunity and nutrients like vitamin d for your colon. centrum ultra men's.

>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- christina applegate. hugh hefner. and comedian shane mauss. with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" and now, let's do this, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: that's very kind. thank you for watching. thank you for joining me here, parking and walking in. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. tonight i'll be taking all of your old school r & b requests and dedications. believe that. you know what i'm saying? hey, what day is today? tuesday? thursday is a special day. thursday is the season two premiere of "the jersey shore" on mtv. after six arduously long months, snooki and the situation and j-woww and chewbacca -- chewbacca's not one of them? they will be back. this morning, the whole cast was on hand to ring the opening bell at the new york stock exchange. supposedly there was so much demand to see them do it, for the first time ever, they ran out of guest passes to bring like their friends in.

what's wrong with people? fortunately, the historic event was televised and here they are, america's favorite juiceheads on wall street, starting the business day. >> let's get this started, wall street bitches! >> jimmy: she tossed her snookis there is what she did. the "jersey shore" onslaught has really just begun. they have an iphone app coming out. guillermo has it, do you like it? >> yes, jimmy. >> jimmy: here's guillermo testing out the new iphone app from "jersey shore." [ laughing ] ♪ work your body ♪ work your body

>> jimmy: well, you look good. you look really good. it's been very, very hot on the east coast lately. and to make matters worst, a thunderstorm has left hundreds of thousands of people in washington, d.c. without power or air conditioning, which i guess is hooked to the power. so really just power, and everything else that goes to it. it's pretty miserable out there. in fact, the heat is so bad, the supreme court today had to go to their emergency robes. they should do that all the time. bp announced today officially they will replace tony hayward as ceo. you know that guy with the -- [ applause ] this is -- this is kind of funny. they are offering him a spot running their operation in siberia. for real. you think they even have an operation in siberia? maybe they are just planning to leave him out there on an ice floe or something. even though this guy, tony hayward, deserves it, i kind of -- i don't know what it is,

but i kind of hate people losing their job. i don't like to see it. my heart goes out to -- actually, my finger mostly goes -- my middle finger goes out to him. [ applause ] but bp has selected an american who is from the gulf region to replace him and -- well, forgive me for being cynical, but it seems pretty obvious that the only reason they hired this guy is to try to calm us down. >> ceo tony hayward will step down in october. bp hopes the move will help to improve american opinion of the oil giant. in another move to soften the company's image, today bp named hayward's successor, mittens mulaney. a 3-month-old tabby from atlanta who enjoys balls of yarn. this morning, he made a brief statement. [ kitten meows ] thus far, the move seems to be working. >> oh, my god, the little baby. oh, my god, i love you. [ applause ] >> jimmy: well, i guess -- they're no dummies. meanwhile, paris hilton is on vacation.

from what, i'm not sure, but -- [ laughter ] she's been on a yacht in the french rivera, and found herself in the middle of a controversy today here at home, as a result of this picture. some people said it looks like he's doing a nazi salute with her finger -- i think she's probably just -- it's problem gli just an innocent, put some drugs up your nose and wave to your billionaire grandpa in heaven move. all the kids do it now a days. paris' publicist said she was just dancing and scratched her nose. let's be honest, paris hilton has no idea what a nazi salute is. she probably thinks nazi is a game you play with dice, and -- [ laughter ] she doesn't know who fought in world war i or world war ii or world wars iii or iv. and yes, the nazis invaded paris, but who hasn't, really? [ cheers and applause ] but she is wearing a hat.

the hat makes it -- she looks like a ho in "hogan's heroes." so i don't know. i'm not an expert on this sort of thing. one person that i do know is, our expert analyst, a person who every once in awhile, we bring him in to kind of look at these sorts of things and see if they're real or whatever. to determine once and for all if this is a nazi salute, we turn this over to my uncle frank. >> wow. this is a photo in a strip joint with, you know, they got the pole and the girl goes on the pool and she wraps her legs around the pole, and she slides up or down, or down and up, and the guys throw money at her. she take the money. puts them in her bosom, she smiles and hugs a couple of them and everybody's happy, including me. it's a beautiful picture. wow. [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: i'm not sure -- was that a yes or a no? >> yes. >> jimmy: that was a yes? >> yes. >> jimmy: okay. there's a story going around hollywood now that says big changes might be coming to "american idol." you know, that karaoke show that's on fox? well, the hollywood reporter says former producer nigel lithe lithgow, who used to run the show, is being asked to return, which would be interesting, because he's been critical of the four-judge format. he said he'd like to get rid of all the current judges, which i guess would make the show look a little something like this. >> i'm going to do titanic song. ♪ you're here ♪ there's nothing i fear ♪ and i know that my heart does go on ♪ [ laughter ] thank you.

>> jimmy: thank you. i like it. i -- we can get through the whole season in, like, 40 minutes. to be perfectly honest, i could do without the contestants, too. another show that seems to have survived a major host change is "the price is right." a few years ago, drew carey took over for bob barker. and yesterday, tmz caught up with bob, and when they asked him how he thought his replacement is doing, he didn't exactly rave. >> how do you think drew is doing? >> well, he does the show differently than i did. >> you can't copy the original. >> well -- i tried to make the show really exciting. and he doesn't do that, he just plays the games. >> jimmy: that is a -- kick in the plinko there. i don't know why he felt compelled to say that. maybe he didn't leave as voluntarily as we were led to believe. either way, after hearing what bob said, pay very close attention here, because it seems like drew takes

a little bit of a dig at bob's favorite cause. >> folks, thanks for watching "the price is right" today. it was a really good show. let your [ bleep ] do whatever the [ bleep ] they want to. we're out of time. bye-bye. >> jimmy: almost seemed as if -- quick note to bob barker. you know why drew carey doesn't make the show really exciting? it isn't really exciting. [ laughter ] it's crazy people in sweatshirts with stickers with their names on them guessing the price of blenders. drew carey is in hell, that's why he's not making it exciting. microsoft is getting ready to debut a brand-new slogan, in the face of the massive success of apple with they iphone and ipad, just what they need to get back on track, a slogan. and they showed off their -- it's a three-word motto. they showed it off at the microsoft global exchange. here it is. microsoft. control-atl-delete.

i like it. you know why? it fits. this is -- someone sent this to me. this is from a soccer game in iceland. it happened on sunday. one of the teams scored on a penalty kick in extra time. and then did what i believe could very well be the greatest celebration in the history of sports. [ cheers and applause ] isn't that great? and then they gutted him and ate him and he was delicious. here's another one from a foreign land. there's a new station in taiwan that over the course of the last year, they've been animating american news stories. they did it with tiger woods. i think that was the first one i saw. since then, they've done it with

a bunch of stories, including what's been going on with sarah palin lately. i'm going to narrate this, because it's in chinese. you guys don't speak chinese. as you can see, sarah palin was flying in a helicopter with john mccain and began shooting bears out of the helicopter. and then, an obama helicopter got too close and sideswiped her so she parachuted out of it, directly onto the stage at what they call a tea bagger rally. then she sent a tweet to muslims and made up a new word, the new word being "refudiate." which made her speak & spell explode. then she started shooting a reality show in her house. you can see, that's sarah and todd, for no reason, smoking a joint. there's bristol and levi fighting, and then suddenly, little piper starts firing a machine gun in the air. [ cheers and applause ] and that's -- that's how they do

the news in taiwan. funny, i almost forgot about the time owe bam in's helicopter rammed her helicopter in midair. the big winner at the box office this weekend was "inception" again, starring leonardo dicaprio. it made another $42 million. but close behind it was the new angelina jolie thriller "salt." "salt" is about a cia agent who is, i guess, accused of being a double agent, and has to clear her name. and it did so well, they've already released a trailer for the sequel. >> today, a russian agent will travel to new york city to kill the president. >> accused of being a trader. >> you are a russian spy. >> on the ground. >> i'm innocent! >> to prove her innocence, she must go back in time and join a legendary hip-hop group. ♪

>> i'm pepa. >> my name is evelyn salt. >> salt-n-pepa. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that looks good. it looks really good. and one more thing. i don't normally like to brag, but i was an answer on "jeopardy" last week. you know, imagine watching "jeopardy" and you're going along the show and all of a sudden, one of the answers is you. it's a weird thing. that's what happened to me. i was watching the show and alex trebek started describing me. if you'll indulge me for a second, i'd like to show this. it's my moment in the sun on "jeopardy." >> before his late-night gig, he co-hosted "the man show" and "win ben stein's money." >> who is sharpton? >> pardon? >> who is al sharpton? >> no. >> who is elton john? >> yes. >> jimmy: wait a minute, i don't

think that's right. well, you can't argue with alex trebek. we have a great show tonight. hugh hefner is with us tonight. we have comedy from shane mauss. and we'll be right back with christina applegate, so stick around. listen up, people, volkswagen is at it again

with their autobahn for all event. it ends soon. they got great prices. cars built for the autobahn. people are gonna be driving crazy in the jetta... ...the routan, and the cc. that cc is gorgeous. that jetta is awesome. my wife loves her new routan. and they all come with that carefree maintenance. scheduled maintenance included. we're not shopping for cars here, people. c'mon! well, i am now. that's kind of exciting. [ male announcer ] right now, get 0% apr on 2010 models, excluding tdi. or get a great price on a certified pre-owned volkswagen. on 2010 models, excluding tdi. i can take one airline out... and another home. so with more flight options, i can find the combination that gets me there and back quickest. where you book matters. expedia.

time to face the pollen that used to make me sneeze... my eyes water. but now zyrtec®, the fastest 24-hour allergy relief, comes in a liquid gel. zyrtec® liquid gels work fast, so i can love the air®. comes in a liquid gel. moments ago, the stylish new orbit packs. [ orbit trumpet ] let's see what they think. cork my canteen! churn my butterscotch! [ laughs ] shut the front door! more dirty mouths cleaned up with orbit. now, in stylish new packs. woow! hey man, how ya doin'? how's your shave? kinda like tuggin' and pullin'. see how shaving can cause irritating tug and pull? [ male announcer ] that's why gillette's introducing the revolutionary new fusion proglide. it glides... like literally. [ male announcer ] now, fusion proglide has been engineered with gillette's thinnest blades ever so it glides for less tug and pull. turns shaving into gliding. and skeptics into believers. new fusion proglide. and warm up before you shave for incredible comfort with new proseries thermal scrub.

♪ welcome to ultimate rewards from chase. no blackouts, no restrictions on airfare and hotels, no limits to what you can get with ultimate rewards. no wonder it's called ultimate. available on chase credit, debit, and business cards. chase what matters. >> jimmy: hi, there. thank you, cleto. welcome back. on the show tonight, we have a good one planned. the man who gave us magazines worthy of hiding under our bed. he's the subject of a new document called "hugh hefner, playboy, activist and rebel," the one and only hugh hefner is here. [ applause ]

and then later, a funny man who you can see at the acme comedy club starting tomorrow in minneapolis, shane mauss from the bud light stage. tomorrow night on the show, lisa ling, zac efron and music from rhymefest. on thursday, matthew fox, josh hutchison and the music from the swell season. hutcherson, right? and the swell season. so there you go. please join us for. our first guest tonight has been a successful actress since before she was even born, i think. on friday, she provides the voice of a feline secret agent in the new movie "cats and dogs, the revenge of kitty galore." please say hello to christina applegate. [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: now i'm confused. [ cheers and applause ] you -- you're pregnant with a sweatshirt? >> yes. >> jimmy: what's going on? >> it was all like a, you know, a spencer/heidi publicity stunt. >> jimmy: you're not really -- >> no, i am. it's just smaller. i thought it would be better to enhance it. >> jimmy: it's more exciting to see the big, giant -- >> oh my gosh, she's like 15 months! >> jimmy: then i saw that there was a lump in it, i thought -- >> there's a zipper and a button. >> jimmy: there should not be a zipper in your baby. how have you been feeling? >> i feel okay now. >> jimmy: you were sick? >> oh, god. >> jimmy: who did this to you? >> yeah. right. exactly. who did this to me? i'm like everything that you read in the books, i've got it all.

>> jimmy: you do? >> all the things. >> jimmy: the cravings? >> the cravings, the morning sickness. i had for a really long time. the psychosis, yeah. the morning sickness is so bad, oh, my god. >> jimmy: how did the psychosis manifest itself? >> anyone who has been pregnant knows what i'm talking about. you kind of go a little coo-coo. >> jimmy: you yell at people? >> yeah, yelling for no reason. just, yeah. >> jimmy: and did you realize, oh, this is because i'm -- >> it's almost out of body. you step back from yourself and you watch this insane monster, like, in front of you that's you, and you want to stop her but she's kind of funny to watch, you know? so, that's sort of -- >> jimmy: so you just let her go? >> yeah. >> jimmy: and have you decided on a name? >> no, no. we're going to kind of wait. >> jimmy: do you feel pressure because, as a celebrity, you're kind of required to give your baby maybe an unusual or potentially foolish name? >> yeah, i know. you have to look up the foreign looking names or name it zuzu or something like that.

>> jimmy: yeah. your fiance is a foreigner? >> yeah, he's one of them foreigners. >> jimmy: where is he from? >> he's from holland. from the netherlands. number two, number two! [ applause ] >> jimmy: i assume you're talking about the world cup. >> yes, we are. >> jimmy: not one of those textbook things you were talking about, is it? >> it's the pregnancy psychosis. no, just the -- >> jimmy: so this baby will be half dutch. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: how do you feel about that? >> how do i feel about it? i think it's awesome. >> jimmy: get poked by the wooden shoes. >> i think dutch people are way cooler than we are. >> jimmy: it's -- >> they're taller. >> jimmy: yeah. they're taller, the dutch? >> they're all taller. just really neat. >> jimmy: i didn't know that. they ride bicycles. >> they're active. taller. >> jimmy: friendly. seems like. >> they spell their names really strangely. >> jimmy: how does your fiance spell his name? >> it's originally spelled

m-a-r-t-i-j-n. >> jimmy: oh, you can't have that for the baby. this is america. we don't let the "j" be in that place. >> i know. >> jimmy: it's not allowed between the "i" and the "n." >> his name is not martijn. >> jimmy: you don't want that at all. you don't want that at all. you have to come up with a -- i've come up with a list of suggestions for a baby name. >> oh, geez. okay. here we go. >> jimmy: now, will the baby -- whose last name will the baby have? because that makes a big difference. >> the dad's. >> jimmy: okay. not hyphen? >> no. >> jimmy: because you are the celebrity. [ laughter ] >> i don't go with that whole hyphen thing. >> jimmy: all right, i like that, that's good. >> i think you go with the father's name. >> jimmy: lenobel is his last name. chernobyl lenobel. [ laughter ]

obi-wan? >> i don't -- >> jimmy: larry lenobel. >> if there's a "j" in it, maybe. >> jimmy: malcolm jamal lenobel? what about snooki? >> not after that clip. absolutely not. >> jimmy: jermajesty. >> that's really nice. >> jimmy: blanket is a good one. >> blanket was -- has always been one of my favorites. >> jimmy: this is going to sound weird. i think it's better for a boy than a girl. what about tar ball lenobel? just kind of like so you know -- well, the time you were born, there was an oil spill and we named you after one of the balls of tar from that oil spill. >> i like it. i like it. >> jimmy: you don't have to commit to anything. >> or mel gibson lenobel. anything happening right now, right? >> jimmy: a current events theme. >> i like it.

>> jimmy: yeah. bp, mel gibson, snooki, obama, tar ball lenobel. >> jimmy: maybe "inception" too. i like that. >> i like that, too. >> jimmy: good, i'm glad we settled that. where did your name come from? you have a pretty normal name. >> yes. well, really, i was -- i was named after a painting, but if you really look at how it went, there was the painting and then my mother wrote a song about the painting, and then my mother had a dog, she named -- she named the dog after the painting and then i came, so i was sort of named after the dog, but -- the story is much better if i was named after the painting. so i stick with the painting. >> jimmy: you were named after your dog? >> i was named after a dog. >> jimmy: that's crazy. we had a dog named fluffy, we didn't name my sister that. >> aren't you glad? >> jimmy: we went with jill, instead. >> my mom had a dog named christina. that she named after the painting. >> jimmy: wow, that is strange.

>> her favorite painting. >> jimmy: good thing she didn't like andy warhol. you could have been a soup can. >> tomato applegate. >> jimmy: no painting names? nothing like that? >> no, no, no, just a pretty name. or a boy, a handsome name. >> jimmy: i assume you've been to the playboy mansion. hugh hefner is here tonight. >> i've been to the mansion. the pajama party. >> jimmy: the midsummer night's dream. >> i think i was the only female wearing a flannel pajama. but that's just how i roll. >> jimmy: they don't -- they mean, like, almost naked party. >> everyone's naked and i was in my -- i felt so out of place with pigtails. but oh well. no, i met him. he was so sweet. he kind of showed us around. he offered me cookies. >> jimmy: he did? >> this is not a euphemism for anything bad. it was cookies. he has special cookies. well, now it sounds even worse. >> jimmy: i hope you didn't eat them. did you eat them?

>> no, i turned them down just in case, but -- >> jimmy: i don't blame you. you'd still be there, probably. >> he has these, you know, they're like his favorite cookies that the chef makes and he doesn't let anyone else eat those cookies. >> jimmy: he didn't let me eat those cookies. really? . >> yeah. >> jimmy: so he offered you the special cookies. well, that's something. >> that's going to be a headline, isn't it? >> jimmy: this is an interesting thing, i think. when you played kelly on "married with children" -- [ cheers and applause ] >> michael works here, david's faustino's brother. >> jimmy: he does audio on the show. when you worked there, you based that character on a person -- >> i did. >> jimmy: which i didn't know. this is a person you saw in a documentary? >> yeah. i think if you see the first season of "married with children" i'm more of a tougher kind of little, you know, 15-year-old. but i saw "the decline of western civilization part two,

the metal years," and i'm watching this movie and this girl comes on and i went, oh, my god, that's it. that's who this character is. and literally, the next day, i went out and got mini-dresses with the wardrobe lady and we created this character. >> jimmy: we found a clip of the girl, and this is pretty great. >> i haven't ever revealed who it was and this is her. she -- >> jimmy: this will be a revelation then. take a look. >> my name is cindy. >> how has it been being -- >> it's been the greatest time of my life. >> what was the best part of it? >> getting up there in front of a million people and really doing it. >> what are you going to do now? are you going to -- >> i'm going to continue on my modeling and hopefully get on with my actressing. >> jimmy: get on with your actressing. >> yes, yes. >> jimmy: does this woman have any idea that this classic character was -- >> she will now. >> jimmy: well, in a way, she did get on with her actressing.

>> i loved her so much. when i see that, i just get so happy to see her. >> jimmy: that's pretty great. actressing. >> you can't write that. you can't write it. >> jimmy: you are actressing in this new movie, a kid's movie -- >> yeah. i hope so. >> jimmy: you started making kids movies at the same time you started making kids. >> yes. i thought that most of the movies i've been in, i can't show anyone under 18, you know, because of the, you know, the naughty language and things. i wanted to do stuff that i can show my goddaughter and my future child. >> jimmy: very nice. and you play a cat. >> i play a cat. >> jimmy: did you research the role of the cat? >> i lived among cats for many years, so i had sort of an inside cue. >> jimmy: well, the movie is called "cats and dogs, revenge of kitty galore." if you have children, bring them to it and watch it. it opens friday. christina applegate, everybody. we'll be right back with hugh hefner.

male voice: ooh! green tea with citrus. i could use a lift. you gonna finish that? hmm? well, how 'bout that?

dude, fish have ears, you know. announcer: lipton--drink on the bright side. fish: sheesh. [ sponge ] okay, team. time to tackle these greasy dishes. we're facing some toug opposition today. i'm gonna need my biggest player. a change in the lineup? that little squirt? [ cheers and applause ] [ female announcer ] one bottle of ultra dawn has the grease-cleaning power of two of the leading non-oncentrated brand, giving you double the cleaning ingredients in every drop. [ sponge ] way to go, kid. you really knocked the grease out of them. [ female announcer ] dawn does more... [ sponge ] so it's not a chore. the craftsman hammerhead goes everyday. driving home nails quickly and easily in the tightest spaces. more innovation, more great values. craftsman. trust. in your hands. now it integrates your work e-mail, so you can be hooked up to everything you need to do.

now it does 1 ghz speed on a more intuitive keyboard. turning you into an instrument of efficiency. introducing the new droid 2 by motorola. part of the next generation of does. south of laredo, so hot, rattlesnakes combust. ♪ but we go, cause ya gotta eat bold. [ male announcer ] subway fiery footlong subs.

the bold-acious new turkey jalapeño melt and buffalo chicken. subway. eat bold!

>> jimmy: hi, there, we're back. still to come, shane mauss. our next guest is a publisher, writer, lover and activist. he's the inventor of nudity. for more than 50 years, he championed puberty through the pages of "playboy" magazine. he's the subject of a new documentary called "hugh hefner, playboy activist and rebel." coming out july 30th. please say hello to hugh hefner! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's always great to see you. thank you for coming. [ cheers and applause ] how are you? >> i'm good. >> jimmy: good. great to have you here. >> my pleasure. would you like a cookie? >> jimmy: what goes on with the cookies? >> i have no memory. i do have a very special cookie,

so -- >> jimmy: you do have a special cookie? >> yeah, it's not that special. >> jimmy: all right. >> very tasty. >> jimmy: hey, i enjoyed the documentary. really terrific. did you like it? because you did not make this documentary about yourself. >> no, it was made by an academy-award winning documentarian. >> jimmy: did you have any input -- >> not at all. >> jimmy: you just said, go ahead. and i assumed -- well, you wouldn't be here promoting it if you didn't like it. >> i'm very pleased with the result. it is really the focus on the part of my life people don't know about. >> jimmy: people don't know what an important american you are. i mean, people know about the obvious, what you've contributed to masturbating, for instance. [ applause ] >> that and the cookies, yes. >> jimmy: but there really was no -- there wasn't much in the way of freedom of the press when you started the magazine. you couldn't send it through the mail.

it's really amazing to see -- >> back in that time, there wasn't a lot of freedom in a lot of ways. >> jimmy: in a lot of ways, yeah. i mean, even on your television show, i think you were the first person to have a black person and a white person singing together. >> yes. >> jimmy: which is crazy to even think about, because, technically, we had equal rights, but that sort of thing just wasn't done until you did it. >> i think the nice thing about the documentary is that it reminds people or tells people who may not know how different things were back then. >> jimmy: they really -- we take a lot of these things for granted, but there would be no hootie and the blowfish if it wasn't for you. >> i don't want to take responsibility for everything. >> jimmy: dr. martin luther king actually went to the playboy club in the '60s. >> not the club, the mansion. >> jimmy: the mansion. and these people that you hung around with, i mean, this is -- i mean, some of the great

name -- miles davis and sammy davis jr. and other people named davis. a lot of davises in your life. >> yes, a lot. >> jimmy: and you were -- you were arrested, which i did not know. >> yes. >> jimmy: unfairly arrested. >> yes, well -- they had arrested lenny bruce for his act, quite literally, took him off the stage, and i objected to that in the magazine and suggested some improprieties that were going on in chicago at the time, and they arrested me. >> jimmy: and they arrested you -- >> they said it was because of a pictorial that we did on jane mansfield -- >> jimmy: you knew what the real reason was. and they tried to stack the jury somewhat. >> that's true. >> jimmy: and still you wound up with a hung jury. everything i say to you seems dirty. stacked, hung. >> that's the way it is. >> jimmy: and here we are now. >> and having so much fun in the process. >> jimmy: you are having fun.

but i'm worried about the fact that your girlfriend supply is dwindling. what's going on? one girlfriend? that's ridiculous. >> i'm trying to settle down a little bit. it's a little late. you know, just trying to -- [ applause ] >> jimmy: the last time you were here, you were dating twins. what happened with that? >> ah, well, that passed. >> jimmy: when you break up with twins, do you do it together? is it as -- >> you have to say good-bye, good-bye. >> jimmy: individually? you bring them in -- >> say, good-bye, good-bye. yeah. >> jimmy: and, okay. but there's no way you can keep one of them. that's unacceptable. >> well, that would be breaking up the set. >> jimmy: you're -- you've been tweeting lately. >> i used to be a jitterbug when i was in school and now i'm a twitter bug. >> jimmy: you're addicted.

>> i am, yes. >> jimmy: how do you do it? do you go on the computer? >> i have an ipad. my girlfriend gave me an i-pad and i got hooked on twittering. >> jimmy: i read that you -- you said, i found monday's "bachelorette" surreal. ali took two to bed and upset when the third went home to a girlfriend. really? >> i thought that was curious. >> jimmy: she was really upset but also laying in bed with other guys. >> well, i thought she had a right to be doing that, but why was she upset about the fact that the third guy went home? >> jimmy: i have an idea. would you consider being "the bachelor" for abc? you could be the greatest bachelor of all time. not that you -- i like to see what goes on. >> i am the bachelor. >> jimmy: you really are. you don't need -- >> i don't need the show. >> jimmy: you are the bachelor with capital letters, i mean, really. you're still making love? >> oh, yes.

>> jimmy: how frequently? how many times a week? >> i would say on average twice. >> jimmy: really? that makes me feel so bad about myself. >> that was my intention. >> jimmy: well, if you think you know hugh hefner, well, maybe you do, but you probably don't know the whole story. "hugh hef next playboy, activist, and rebel," opens in select cities july 30th. it is well worth seeing. the great hugh hefner, everybody. we'll be right back with shane mauss.

[ male announcer ] the just right taste of bud light with a refreshing splash of 100% natural lime flavor. one taste and you'll find, the good time lime. bud light lime. ♪ like i'm daydreaming again

iviv dad, sometimes i feel like we're dwe are different, son.x we serve teriyaki bowls. delicious steak s÷ or grill c$,hicken on a bed f steamed rice, with broccoli, carrots and teriyaki sauce. you bet we're different and proud of it. but aren't we different in another way? we serve anything on our menu anytime of day. that's my boy.

but look below the surface. your mouth is no different.

brushing leaves teeth looking clean, but millions of plaque and gingivitis germs are left behind. a 30-second rinse with listerine® antiseptic cleans deeper. [ bomb! ] its unique penetrating formula destroys germs [ bomb! ] brushing leaves behind. [ exhales ] [ male announcer ] listerine®. clean deeper. get healthier™. and to strengthen kids' teeth 99% better than brushing alone, get listerine® smart rinse™. with their autobahn for all event. it ends soon. they got great prices. cars built for the autobahn. people are gonna be driving crazy in the jetta... ...the routan, and the cc. that cc is gorgeous. that jetta is awesome. my wife loves her new routan. and they all come with that carefree maintenance. scheduled maintenance included. we're not shopping for cars here, people. c'mon!

well, i am now. that's kind of exciting. [ male announcer ] the autobahn for all event. lease the jetta limited edition for $199 a month or get 0% apr. ♪ pediatrician recommended pain reliever for children. plus, children's advil® brings fever down faster than children's tylenol®. choose children's advil®. relief you can trust. ♪ always look cool, lift weights, be strong ♪ ♪ know how to fight, stay out late, but be polite ♪

♪ now find a nice girl who'll say "i do" ♪ ♪ then have three kids who look just like you ♪ ♪ rake the leaves, trim the hedge and mow the yard ♪ ♪ "honey, can you open this jar?" ♪ ♪ you've reached a stage where you feel at ease ♪ ♪ you've come this far and it wasn't a breeze! ♪ ♪ you can take on anything, of course you can! ♪ ♪ because you're a man! [ male announcer ] now that you're all grown up, it's time for some comfort. at last there's a dove for men. dove men+care for skin as comfortable as you are. sweet n' sour filled twizzlers. at last there's a dove for men. the twist you can't resist.

>> jimmy: you may know our guest from "last comic standing" and his very own special on comedy central. starting tomorrow and through the weekend, you can see him live in minneapolis at the acme comedy club. please say hello to shane mauss. >> all right. thank you guys. so, awhile back there was this female track star who blew away the world championships, she busted all these records open. she did so great that they gave her a gender test. they were like, she's such a good runner, she must be a man. kind of insulting. turns out, she was sort of a man. she's a hermaphrodite. that is scary as hell. what if someone sees me throw a

baseball, like, oh, that is a lady right now. we need to give that arm a gender test. oh, guys, i'm a little concerned. i don't know if we have enough birds, you know, to soak up all that oil. oh, we'll see. like they didn't have a bad enough time down there, now it's hurricane season, the hurricanes are coming in, you know, because of the gays, right? i mean, everyone knows the gays cause the hurricanes. i don't know why it's the same time every year that the gays cause the hurricanes. like, i don't know if this is a super gay time of year where all the gays get their black vibrator magic wands out and swirl up those hurricanes. i don't know why you don't hear about that on the weather channel. adam lambert released a new cd today. going to be a rough hurricane season this year. [ applause ]

sure. that's encouraging. i'm kidding around, of course. i'm making fun of those crazy religious groups a couple of years ago decided that gays have something to do with hurricanes, which is ridiculous. everyone knows the jews control the weather. so -- i'm from wisconsin, originally. the big w.i., yeah, it's a little like the wii, just less fit. and i moved to boston about six years ago and i forget how cheap drinking is in wisconsin. in my hometown, lacrosse, wisconsin, you can go, any night of the week, you can find at least one bar will have a special, $5, all you can drink. yeah. [ applause ] it's -- it's going to be illegal soon. but it's pretty crazy. you can ruin your life without having to break the bank. it's a really good deal. you can die for $5. that's incredible. you can't do that out in boston.

i got pulled over in boston recently, had to take a breathalyzer. i passed, but at the same time, i was like, what the hell. i spent $60 tonight. i better be drunk driving. i've been in a much better mood lately, so i guess the antidepressants are working. hooray, yeah. skeptical at first, but ever since my girlfriend's been taking them, wow, i have been so much happier. [ laughter ] she -- she's a veterinarian. that's a good job. also come to find out, it is a disgusting job that i have to hear about daily. she walked in the house and she said, yeah, i was examining this cat today and its anal glands sprayed me in the eye. she's like, yeah, so i'm having kind of a bad day. and i was like, yeah, it just

got worse, because we can no longer be together. [ applause ]d@dz÷ we -- we got to go overseas recently, which was great, but here's a bit of travel advice for you. if you are ever traveling to a foreign country, remember to pack the lubricant, okay? because there is nothing more embarrassing than being in a pharmacy in a foreign land and trying to convey to them that you need lube, you know, like, luboritoski. me no make girl slippery.

the only thing more embarrassing is doing all that and then realizing that they speak english in england. thank you, guys, very much. wonderful audience. >> jimmy: shane mauss! we'll be right back.iviv