n time now for tonight's closing argument preacher terry jones' vow to burn the koran on saturday continues to draw

criticism, with sarah palin and pat robertson joining the white house in condemnation. so, tonight, we wanted to ask you, and with the apologies to the thousands of people on jones' facebook page, though who he said mailed him 200 korans, do you think he finally found the one issue americans across the spectrum can agree on? or does he have more support than meepts the eye? tell us what you think on the florida page at abcnews.com. but that's our report for tonight. for all of us at abc news, good night, america. >> dicky: it's the "jimmy kimmel live" fantasy league, presented by gmc. >> hello, and welcome to the 2010 "jimmy kimmel live" fantasy league draft. and with the first pick, team simmons. >> the first pick, i'm taking my

talented to chris johnson. >> bill simmons, the sports guy. that is a wildly creative nickname. >> thank you. >> the ace man is going to pick ray rice. >> all right. team kimmel, you're on the clock. >> i'll take ben roethlisberger. pittsburgh. >> so now you have roethlisberger, ocho cinco and t.o.? >> yeah. >> that's the new cast of flavor of love. >> team smoove, make your selection. >> i'm going to go with randy moss, baby. >> come on, man, i told you i wanted randy moss. >> never show your hand. ever. >> calm down. >> what? we had a deal. >> we had a deal. there are no deals. it's a draft. >> i will take brandon marshall. >> are you kidding me? i said on the way over here, hopefully i'll get brandon -- >> and i told you i wasn't listening. >> well, i guess it's not fantasy friendship league, apparently. >> dax, you don't even have friends outside of this league. >> you know how many --

>> she doesn't even like you. >> that's enough! it's time to eat! >> well, there you have it. very exciting. the stage is set for week one of the "jimmy kimmel live" fantasy league. bang! >> why bang? >> i like it. bang! >> dicky: check out the complete draft results and follow along throughout the season on the fantasy football section of the "jimmy kimmel live" youtube channel. >> jimmy: "jimmy kimmel live" is back in two minutes with milla jovovich, music from interpol and kevin nealon. bang! drink in the rich, bold taste...

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because at cheez-it, real cheese matters. oh, yes there is. [ angelic chorus ] we got bud light. here we go! ♪ here's a good looking couple... she's a model. ya. [ cymbals crashing ] [ ahouting ] ohhhhh... we'll take it. ♪ yeah! [ male announcer ] it's the sure sign of a good time. the just-right taste of bud light. here we go. so... you like antiques? >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- kevin nealon. from "resident evil: afterlife""

milla jovovich. and music from interpol. with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" >> dicky: and now, prepare yourselves. here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, cleto. hi, everyone, i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks for coming to my house. i want to first, before we get going, i want to wish a happen by rosh hashanah to those of you who are jewish, like cleto.

how jewish could you really be if you are watching tv now? it's the beginning of the jewish new year, dating back to the birth of larry king. it's a time of repentance and introspection or, to put more simply repentrospection. it's a night on which most of our writers go home early, so -- i'm not jewish, but i like the idea of the holiday, to make amends with people who you may have around or upset over the course of the year. actually would be a good night for mel gibson to make some calls. you know? [ applause ] it's a good idea in general. i personally have not upset anyone this year so i have nothing to apologize for, but that is not the case for one of our head writers, gary greenberg. he is jewish, as you are going to see in about three seconds. so, tonight, to lead by example,

he's agreed to atone for one of his many, many since. please join me in welcoming gary greenberg. come on out! [ applause ] >> i'm gary greenberg. shalom. over the course of the last year, i have written many, many jokes about this. [ laughter ] do not laugh, please, do not laugh. it's the chubby smoking baby. if you've seen this clip, you can see pretty clearly that this baby has a serious problem -- he smokes. and he's a baby. and despite that, i decide to make light of the situation by making fun of him instead of offering him help. and for that, i apologize to the smoking baby and now if you'll excuse me, i'm late for temple. shalom. >> jimmy: gary greenburg. inspiration to us all.

[ applause ] i know it seems like he's playing a character, but no, he's just wearing a tie. [ laughter ] why do we laugh when he comes out? he always looks like that. meanwhile, on the other side of the religion coin, you probably heard about this. the pastor of a small christian church in gainesville, florida, is getting a lot of attention because he's planning to burn copies of the koran on 9/11. his name is terry jones. he's calling it international burn a koran day to commemorate the ninth anniversary of the attacks of 9/11. isn't it traditional on the 11th anniversary to burn leather or pottery? he says, terry said he's been praying on it. and this is terry jones, as you can see. and he also thought it would be a good idea to grow a hulk hogan mustache.

set that on fire. most rational people are condemning this plan. the vatican, hillary clinton, the secretary of defense, general with trey us said it would put american troops at risk. but this guy terry jones, he told "the early show" he's moving ahead anyway. what happened to the good old days of burning your bra? that was fun. i'm not sure what his point is exactly or how this is going to help anything. but he's getting a lot of attention, which is obviously what he wants. i have an idea that could solve everything. at midnight, on september 10th, somebody, i don't know who, maybe bruce willis or somebody cool like that, sneaks into his church and replaces all the copies of the koran with copies of this. "how to be famous" by heidi and spencer. you see -- [ applause ] just swap out the dust jackets, they'll never know the difference. everyone's happy. by the way, where is he getting all these korans to burn in gainesville, florida?

is there an islamic gift shop or a muhammad superstore around there? meanwhile, peta, the people who are people who are extra touchy about animals, i think, it's keeping its focus on what's really important, and that is lady gaga. they're mad at lady gaga because of this photograph of lady gaga. i don't know if you can tell, but she's covered with strategically cuts of beef. it's part of -- i guess it's part of a push for her new restaurant chain called lady gaga's kabobas. and bagaga ganosh. sprinkle her with salt and pepper and throw her right on the grill. president obama's touring the country to push his $50 billion plan to rebuild roads and runways around the country to help get people working. the department of labor unveiled a new website to help people looking for jobs. the way it looks is, i went on

it today, you register your information, you check off your aptitudes and the kind of work you're looking for, you scan the results and before you know it, another day of unemployment is behind you. it's great. some people do still have -- [ applause ] oh. thank you. some people have two jobs. there's a new spike tv show called "scrappers." they follow scrap metal crews in brooklyn. last night's episode, one of the scrappers, a guy named darren who is my favorite scrapper, showed us something that he's i guess been working on for white awhile now. >> joe's been working with me for about six years now trying to perfect my pitch. first, you face the batter like this. for intimidation. and then, you just turn around, like this, getting ready for the windup. and here you go. and it's saturday. it's out of the ballpark. >> jimmy: yeah, right. [ laughter ]

the idea -- isn't the idea to keep the ball in the ballpark? a while later, joe challenged his student darren to throw a piece of brick through the window of their van left-handed. >> darren, i'll give you 100 spammeroolies if you can get it in the window lefty. get it in. >> left or right? >> left. get it in. >> you have to do the whole pitching motion. >> yeah, like that. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: see that again in slow motion, if we could. this is the -- there you go. that's right. regular nolan ryan. i like how delighted his friend is by that. bp today, you guys know bp, right? [ crowd booing ] released a -- you don't like them? did something happen? i wasn't aware of. they released a big report with their explanation of what caused the millions of barrels of oil

to flow into the gulf of mexico. they took very little blame for the spill. they pointed fingers instead at rig workers, halliburton, transocean, sasquatch and i think tiger woods, but -- they do, bp does seem to have learned some of its lesson, at least when it comes to public relations, which was particularly evident at the press conference they had this morning. >> bp is putting out its explanation of what happened with the oil blast in the gulf of mexico. >> hello. thank you for coming. the best way to describe the contents of this 133-page report is to read it. so, here goes. page one. we're sorry. page two. we [ bleep ] up. page three. we [ bleep ] up royally. page four. pelicans are kind of a nuisance anyway. page five, we are so apologetic beyond believe et cetera. et cetera, et cetera. well, you get the point. yanks, you can suck it. >> jimmy: well, you know -- what

happened to lying? [ applause ] sometimes -- this is pretty good. this is -- i don't -- i don't really even know what's going on here, but this is lakers forward ron artest, who is nuts, in case you don't know, getting pulled over here in l.a. on monday while driving a tiny little race car. there he is. it's -- i guess he didn't have his registration was expired so they gave him a ticket. i think that's -- you shouldn't have to carry registration if you don't have a glove compartment in your car. where are you supposed to keep it? in your hat? snooki from "jersey shore" was in court today for her arrest on drunk and disorderly in seaside heights in new jersey. she pled guilty to a reduced charge of disturbing the quiet of the beach. which -- you can charge sea gulls with that, right? it's a dumb charge. she got two days of community service for it, which is kind of great. you know, with that tan, if they put her in an orange jump suit, make her pick up trash, she'll look like a circus peanut.

here's snooki in court today. >> i have concerns about how much of this episode was scripted by your show or how much was actions of your own initiative. i mean, if this was scripted, only you can determine if it's worth trading your dignity for a paycheck. >> it was not scripted, sir. >> if this was your idea of having a good time, it appears your recent celebrity has apparently affected your judgment in this matter. your actions, i don't know, you seem like to be acting like a lindsay lohan wannabe. [ >> jimmy: and then he punched her in the face. [ applause ] i think -- i have an idea for -- probably shouldn't say this, but season three, they should have that judge move in with the kids. speaking of judges, it's not official yet, but steven tyler is expected to be named judge on "american idol" this season. and his long-time guitar player joe perry is not happy.

he said that tyler didn't tell the members of the band he might not be available now seven months of the year. and he called "american idol" the show one step up from the teenage mutant ninja turtles. which is pretty harsh. maybe perry is actually auditioning and they don't realize it. he's threatening to find a new singer for aerosmith. maybe steven tyler will find one for them, you know? he's going to be looking. you know, they could always replace him with two folded pieces of bologna stuck to a mr. potato head. the songs sing themselves at this point. there is someone they ought to talk to. yoko ono is -- well, she recently performed what she called a voice art piece at the museum of modern art in new york and it was -- as you can imagine, quite wonderful.

[ screaming ] [ screaming ] >> jimmy: well -- she's still got it. i guess, right? [ applause ] and one more thing. this is -- this is crazy. this is real security camera footage from a cruise ship that, i guess was hit by a freak wave off the coast of new zealand. fortunately, ship didn't sink, but which is i guess why we have the footage. but it got knocked around pretty

good. look at this. now, here, you see, there's a bartender and one of the guys that works on the ship, and they have no idea. all of a sudden, the wave takes them an the furniture to the other side of the room. you think they'd have some sort of, like, preparation for that, but -- but now the boat goes all the way to the other side and the furniture and the people go with it, except for the one husky guy hanging on the pole there. and here comes again. on the other side of the ship. the bartenders seem locked down. oh, hey, look at this. [ applause ] a customer, i guess. maybe one last drink before -- that's -- you know what? [ applause ]

eight years in the mexican navy will do that for you, right, guillermo? we have a good show tonight. milla jovovich is here. we have music from interpol. and we'll be right back with kevin nealon, so stick around. ♪ ♪ every day, it's getting closer ♪ ♪ going faster than a roller coaster ♪ ♪ love like yours will surely come my way ♪ ♪ a-hey, a-hey-hey ♪ every day, it's getting faster ♪ [ male announcer ] at&t and blackberry have teamed up to evolve the smartphone. business, meet fun. fun, business. at&t. rethink possible.

man: we need a sofa.t fun. fun, business. something i can stretch out on! woman: ooh... that will go with those lamps my mother gave us. or we could get some new lamps. or we could get no sofa. negotiating, eh? you got it! how about a nice home for our tv? how about doors to hide that drive-in theater?

how about a cowhide rug? yee-haw! and the snacks? get their own place. let the marathon begin! >> jimmy: hello, y'all, we're back. with us tonight from the new movie, "resident evil: afterlife," milla jovovich is here. then later, a fine band from new york city. their new, self-titled album was released yesterday, interpol from the bud light outdoor stage. tomorrow night, the luminous diane sawyer will join us with music from ray lamontagne and the pariah dogs. and then friday music from shontelle, jessica stroup and the always-crazy terry bradshaw. join us then. for nine seasons, our first guest was the "n" in

"snl." you can see him now on monday nights on showtime as a perpetually baked former accountant on "weeds" and on fridays on "nick at night" as animated dentist "glenn martin dds." please say hello to kevin nealon. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are you? >> good, buddy. >> jimmy: how is everything? i haven't seen you in a little while. >> things are fantastic. >> jimmy: how is your wife? >> fantastic. we just celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary. [ applause ] >> jimmy: wow. congratulations. >> yeah, we've been married for five years but we've been together, like, two years. no, five years. been together nine years. >> jimmy: what did you do? >> well, here's the secret to a good marriage. i think you have to compromise.

so, i had to go to philadelphia around that time of the anniversary, and she called me. this is the week that "eat, pray, love" came out. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> and she called me and asked if i would go see the movie so we could talk later on the phone and compare notes. >> jimmy: really? >> it's not my kind of film. it was the week "the expendables" came out, too. that was the film i wanted to see. so, i said, okay. so i get in the cab and i say, like to go to the movie theater. he says, all right, what are you going to say? i said, "the expendables." big, tough guy. and he goes, good boy, good boy. you're going to like that movie. i get there, and there's four old ladies in front of me. i get to the booth, you have to talk into the little thing. i said, one for "eat, pray, love." she said, what? what? i said, one for -- "eat, love, pray." i didn't know what order the words were in.

and apparently she wouldn't know what the right title is unless i got them in the right order. one for "eat, love, pray." and she wrote up the ticket and it came out "the expendables." she thought i said that. and i'm looking at it. i said, no, "eat, love, pray, eat, eat." so, i went and i saw it. >> jimmy: you did? >> and, i liked it. >> jimmy: you did? >> yeah, i did. it made me hungry. religious. and horny. not in that order. i'm not sure if that's the right order. >> jimmy: so confusing. did you have an operation or something happen to you? >> yeah, i had a -- i tore a bicep muscle. >> jimmy: are you all right? >> i tore it playing basketball. not professionally. >> jimmy: okay. >> and i haven't had surgery since i was 7. i had a hernia when i was 7.

they asked me if i would mind walking into the operating room. have you had surgery lately? >> jimmy: well -- you know, i had that thing, but -- no, not -- no, but -- i didn't walk in. no, they pushed me. >> they wheel you in. well, i walk in, i go, that's what people do. i walked in. >> jimmy: that's weird. >> i push open the door and it's freezing in there. i guess if you don't make it, the body stays -- >> jimmy: fresh. >> fresh. and i'm trying not to look. it makes me kind of squeamish to see the stuff, the tools, the white, the bright light. everything was white. i walked into heaven, you know? >> jimmy: yeah. >> that would be weird if you had to walk into heaven. no, no, a little short on angels today. you mind if you walk in? disaster in there somewhere. so, i walk in there and i see the operating table. and because i'm having my arm done, they added a couple of wings, so it looked like a crucifix. i climbed up on the crucifix,

the table, and the last thing i said was, when am i going to get silly? >> jimmy: it worked out? >> i had to go to philadelphia a couple of days later and i'm still on painkillers. >> jimmy: right now? >> no, not percoset. so, yeah, so, what were we talking about? >> jimmy: i don't remember. >> so anyway, yeah, so, i had to fly to philadelphia. i called my doctor, i said, is it okay to fly? he said, well, there's a slight chance of a blood clot, but no more than the plane crashing. just get up and walk every 15 minutes down the aisle, up and down the aisle. so i did that. i didn't know if i was doing it to keep the plane from crashing or from keeping a blood clot. >> jimmy: you are a big guy. keep the balance going.

>> and people thought it was a terrorist, every 15 minutes, it's a four-hour flight. or they thought, yes, kevin, we saw you when you came on, you don't have to keep walking back and forth, you know? [ applause ] >> jimmy: you were there -- did you do standup? >> yeah. >> jimmy: and have you integrated any new things into your act? >> i always try to keep the material fresh. >> jimmy: i know that about you, yeah. >> but one -- i don't think you do. one thing that i am doing now is impressions. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. because i think it adds a lot of flavor to your act. but i'm not doing the vocal impressions. everybody does, you know, the voice impressions. i'm doing the walks. i do celebrity walks. >> jimmy: really? >> yes. and it's a lot more subtle. i think it's a lot more entertaining. >> jimmy: wow. >> and, if you would like, i -- >> jimmy: i would love to. [ applause ] how does it work? >> well, i'll do a couple for

you, and i'll start off with this one. i think it goes something like this. who is that? >> jimmy: i don't know. i was going to ask you who that is. >> that's me! that's me. [ applause ] >> jimmy: oh, all right, yeah, that is. >> that's right on the money. >> jimmy: you on the plane. >> you get the hang of it now. let's kick it up -- >> jimmy: do somebody other than you, though. >> ready? >> jimmy: guillermo, you can help me with this. hmm. interesting. there's an e femme that si to the walk -- >> who is it? >> jimmy: guillermo? >> larry david. >> jimmy: yeah, that is -- that is larry david. do another one. >> try another one. okay. one of my favorites.

little bit of a running start here. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: feels like someone from vegas -- >> when i get to your desk, you better let me know who it is. i'm going to let you know. christopher walken! >> jimmy: christopher walken. >> here we go. >> jimmy: it seems so familiar. guillermo? please, help me with this. you know your celebrities. >> david letterman. >> jimmy: oh, of course. yeah, that is -- >> here we go. i got two more. >> jimmy: all right. oh, props. don't pay attention to this.

i know this one. britney spears. ah -- i don't know. she always has a cup in her hands so i thought it was her. >> mary-kate olsen. >> jimmy: oh, all right. >> last one. >> jimmy: i don't think i've ever seen her move. chevy chase! >> yes! >> jimmy: wow! nicely done. >> oh, i forgot one. >> jimmy: oh, you did? >> one more. >> jimmy: i don't know who that one -- >> jimmy kimmel!

i didn't know i had a walk. speaking of jimmy kimmel, your new show is called "glen martin dds a dds" and this is a clay-mation figure -- >> it's not clay -- >> jimmy: too cheap? >> that's not the authentic one. the one that we actually used for you is this one right here. >> jimmy: oh, okay. awesome. this is your new show. it's kind of clay-mation. >> stop motion. >> jimmy: and it's on nick and night. >> fridays at 10:30. really funny. along the veins of the simpsons, family guy. >> jimmy: i'm on this? >> you recorded it. >> jimmy: something happened. i wondered why i was talking into a microphone. >> this is you. this is the puppet they used. i'm going to set this up. >> jimmy: we're out of time for

the clip, unfortunately. >> no, no, we got time. this clip -- all right. >> jimmy: you know what, it will heighten the suspense for when people watch the show. "glen martin dds." friday night, 10:30. you can watch me on it, and "wield "weeds" monday night at 10:00 on showtime. kevyn nealon, everybody. we'll be right back with milla jovovich.

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as governor, he cut waste got rid of the mansion and the limo budgets were balanced. $4 billion in tax cuts. world class schools and universities. clean energy promoted. 1.9 million new jobs created. california was working. i'm jerry brown. california needs major changes. we have to live within our means; we have to return power and decision making to the local level-closer to the people and no new taxes without voter approval. jerry brown the knowledge and know-how to get california working again.

>> jimmy: hi there. still to come, interpol. eight years ago, our next guest auditioned for the movie "resident evil" because it was her brother's favorite video game which, by the way, is the same way i got this job. three sequels later, she's still at it. the latest installment "resident evil: afterlife" opens in theatres friday in 3d. please welcome milla jovovich. [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: thank you for coming. did i say your name correctly, because i feel like for years i've been pronouncing it -- >> probably the first person in tv history to have said it correctly. >> jimmy: thank you. >> unbelievable. >> jimmy: finally made tv history. >> i was about to be like, just call me milovich. make it simple. >> jimmy: got to be annoying when people pronounce it wrong all the time. >> for some it is. but when you have this last name, you're like of like, i get it. >> jimmy: it's mexican, right? >> well, you know, yeah, the -- yeah, the jovovich burrito. i don't know if that's so easy to order. >> jimmy: give it a try. and where are you from? >> i'm from the ukraine, from kiev. yeah. >> jimmy: that is a totally different -- [ applause ] a lot of people from kiev here. >> i grew up around california,

san diego, sherman oaks. >> jimmy: is that hard when you're 5, moving to another country? or are you so young you don't notice it? >> i was young, but i remember things, okay? i remember a lot of things, and definitely i remember not speaking english, which is really crazy and older girls trying to, like, make fun of me and me just being like -- and they were like, whoa. 5 years old, she's like -- >> jimmy: she's resident evil. >> it was crazy. i would be going to school and all the kids would have their, like, really amazing, like, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and their little carton of crackers with the cheese and the little -- >> jimmy: yeah, the little -- >> you know what i'm talking about? and the juice box with the straw and it was just all, like, so

perfect. >> jimmy: you didn't have those? >> and i would have the full-on, like, plastic container of, like, last night's dinner, which was inevitably like stew with a big bone and meat around it and everybody would come over to the lunchbox and see what milla joe-joe-vich was having for lunch. and then they would run away. >> jimmy: you realize your lunch was much better and more delicious than their lunch was. you didn't care? >> i just wanted that perfect little -- >> jimmy: you wanted the tater tots. >> the perfect, like, hall and cheese sandwich. >> jimmy: now, your husband is the director of the movie. >> he sure is. >> jimmy: which gives you complete control over the film, right? he can't tell you what to do. >> well, good point. i definitely -- there's a couple of things that i had my say in. he wrote an extra scene, a

character into the script. >> jimmy: he give you a friend? >> wait a minute, it's like me and ali warner, and who else are you trying to get into the script? who is this chick? all right? like, i want her out. >> jimmy: you did? >> right now. >> jimmy: and he did not relent on that? >> oh, he sure did. >> jimmy: oh, he did? >> you kidding? >> jimmy: you got her thrown out of the movie? >> hell yeah. >> jimmy: i know people love this resident evil, they go crazy for this stuff, and this is a big deal, so, congratulations on the -- being in 3d, also. >> it's so much fun. it's so much fun, because my husband and i have literally sort of built this incredible franchise and i'm -- it's -- it's something that makes you proud, of course, because, you know, it's our fourth movie and, wow, being an actress in hollywood, movie franchise, wow. 3d, yeah, makes things a lot different, that's for sure. >> jimmy: that's sure. >> "resident evil four?"

>> no, "resident evil afterlife." >> 3d. >> 3d. >> why not four? >> because it's called "afterlife." >> what was the third one called? >> "apocalypse." >> first? >> "resident evil." >> jimmy: congratulations. you just won a washer/dryer set. milla jovovich, everybody. "resident evil: afterlife" opens in theaters on friday. we'll be right back with interpol. [ male announcer ] looks clean.

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so i had to make up my mind and hold it for a while ♪ ♪ i would not just leave you without a kiss but i guess there must come a time when there's no more tears to cry ♪ ♪ bees and snakes need homes they need homes barricade ♪ ♪ it starts to feel like a barricade to keep us away to keep us away it kinda does ♪ ♪ it starts to feel like a barricade to keep us away to keep us away ♪ ♪ i could not lean on the politics 'cuz i didn't want to train my eye to hold so short a time ♪ ♪ also i just don't know where

the blind could lead the sightless but i'd still like to witness ♪ ♪ bees and snakes need homes they need homes barricade ♪ ♪ it starts to feel like a barricade to keep us away to keep us away it kinda does ♪ ♪ it starts to feel like a barricade to keep us away to keep us away ♪ ♪ full speed half blind full-tilt decline turn to past times full speed half blind ♪

♪ you know us you know us it starts to feel like a barricade to keep us away ♪ ♪ to keep us away it kinda does it starts to feel like a barricade to keep us away to keep us away you know it was ♪ ♪ full speed half blind full-tilt decline turn to past times full speed half blind ♪ ♪ full speed half blind full tilt decline turn to old times full speed half blind ♪

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