actually burned completely to the ground. there was a house -- >> what we're looking out now? >> correct. the house next door had started to burn, and they were going to try to make a stand there. >> at the time that you arrived here and you saw this home literally go occupy, how many in this area -- >> look at this. >> as the shot pulls out wider. >> there were probably 15 houses completely on fire i could see. also, through the smoke and the flames, down this road, so east of where i was, there appeared to be a couple of large buildings. i don't know if those were apartment buildings or some rec center or something. >> bigger than a house. >> looked to by bigger than a house. >> i know there's a lutheran church in the area. >> shis video was the corner of claremont and vermont in san bruno. we actually were about to leave

the area because it was so hot. i actually have some firefighter gear i carry with me, and i actually had to use the helmet and the goggles just to shoot the pictures because of how intense the -- >> look at these cars on fire. >> the cars were burning. the homes were oning. everything was burning. green grass lawns were catching on fire because of the heat. it was amazing. >> did you see people getting out of homes, people escaping? >> it appeared to me that anybody that could get out, got out. this wasn't something where people were going to stick around and say, we're going to -- >> that's was an, evacuate immediately. >> exactly. you don't need the authorities s to tell you to leave. people were literally running for their lives. i did observe the firefighters rescue a dog out of a house. that was nice to see. at one point the firefighters actually come man -- come man deered my vehicle and took a person out that was burned, and

they said, can we have your car? i said, of course, and gave them my keys to my car, and they trend somebody away and i had to find my vehicle late torii tree it. somebody -- the firefighters left it up at a command post that was five blocks away. so -- >> when we see images like this, you think about the people involved, and you hope that people have the chance to get out. >> apparently there was a huge, huge explosion at the beginning of this. that's what we were told by several witnesses. and the fire spread so quickly. it was -- >> i've been doing this 16 years and never seen this. >> none of us have either. brian, do you know -- the gas main in question is right behind this house. there are any houses closer? >> it was one of those things where i would have loved to get closer but i couldn't. there are some pictures i shot from the backyard of two houses down from where this thing is

shooting back down. it looked to me like this was in a ravine area, but it was so hard with the smoke to see what was going on. >> roughly how long since the explosion were these pictures taken? >> this stuff is half an hour into it. you see the firemen -- what they did in the beginning is what they're trained to do, which is to locate and rescue victims, get poem -- people out. they're kind of at this point regrouping. >> figuring out their strategy. >> a lot of the guys i talked to were working on the impression this was a plane crash. they didn't have any idea because nobody could get close enough to see what was happening. >> everybody was describing the sound, the rumble of the natural gas blast but people thought it was a plane crash.

>> that was what got me, the roaring sound that comes with the flames. >> was it the flames or force of gas. >> i think it was the force of gas was making the sound, and the burning. >> in that initial just fireball that we saw for so long after the explosion. >> i left this incident from my house, which is out by ocean beach, and in northern san francisco, you could see the smoke cloud from this incident. unbelievable. >> will, you have brought us some remarkable images very close up. of the beginning of what has turned into being a mump wider tragedy, 35-40 homes have met the same fate. about three hours and 15 minutes ago this all started. >> so that was three hours ago, carolyn and i talking to brian

carmody, free lance photographer. >> right now we're at the evacuation center. what's the latest there? >> reporter: well, we have certainly heard a lot of dramatic stories from the homeowners who are evacuees. the most dramatic story i heard from night is from phil. he and his family live on chairman -- claremont drive, the epicenter of the fire phil is with me tonight. phil, tell us what you told me in the same way you told it to me. what happened to you and your family? >> well, we were just sitting down for dinner, my wife and i and two kids, three and five years old. just was we were sitting down, our house started shaking. we thought it was an earthquake. looking for a door frame to go

under. i toll my kids, don't worry, don't worry. and it just kept getting worse, and i said, everybody go to the garage so we moved, four people stuck together to the garage, and i looked out our back window, which is on the canyon, a deck on the canyon, and i saw debris falling on our deck and i saw flames -- i don know where they war coming from. and my wife opened up the garage door, and people were running down the street. we could feel the heat through our house. we could feel just heat coming through the wall. and so i just yelled, everybody get in the car. get in the car! so, we literally through the kids in their car seats and got in the car, and drove down the street and a half -- navigating through people who were evacuating on foot. we didn't have shoes on, just the clothes on our back. i didn't know where i was

driving, just going away from this fireball behind us. and shut the garage door, and hoped it kept the house safe. i think it did. >> you're pretty convinced, since you're on the canyon side, your house is gone? >> i have that expectation, yeah. >> i'm so sorry, phil. tell me, and tell our viewers what you told your children? >> well, you know, they're three and five years old, and so trying to tell them that this is something you'll remember, this is an exciting experience, we're on an adventure. and they're thinking about their toys, you know, and what they have lost, and we're going to get new toys. you're going to get new toys. it's going to be okay. so i'm not sure how they're processing it. i'm not sure how my wife and i are pricing it, to -- processing it to be honest. we're trying to be sensitive how

they're going remember this. it will be their whole lives. >> tell me what you -- repeat what you told me when i said, you lost memories. >> we'll just make new memories. they're three and five. just stuff. it's just stuff. >> phil, thank you so much for sharing your experience, god bless you. all the best to you and your family. there's really nothing one can say at this moment. certainly i don't have any words to say. just turn it back to you. >> wow, what a heart-wrenching story. certainly it's time to be as -- trying to be as strong as he can for his kids. make new memories. >> and they're safe. the material items can be replaced. that's the important thing now. >> we want to run down, as we wind up our coverage here, few

of the key things we know and want to pass along to you regarding the san bruno disaster tonight. pg&e gasline ruptured. one person confirmed dead. >> started at 6:15 we know 53 homes have been destroyed, 120 damaged. at least 100 people have been evacuated, at two evacuation centers in san brown know. >> some other things to keep in mind here. san bruno park school district no classes on friday. for obvious reasons. the elementary school, no classes will be held in the san bruno school district. >> coverage will continue at 4:00 a.m. tomorrow morning, special time for the abc-7 morning news. >> we're glad you were with us for our continuing tonk, and the morning news begins at 4. thank you for watching, and i know you'll be thinking about

those people in san bruno who have lost so much. nightline is up next. good night everyone. this droid has evolved to do even more. now it integrates your work e-mail, so you can be hooked up to everything you need to do. now it does 1 ghz speed on a more intuitive keyboard. turning you into an instrument of efficiency. introducing the new droid 2 by motorola. part of the next generation of does.

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tonight on "nightline," fireball, a san francisco suburb explodes tonight in a towering inferno after a gas line break, burning multiple homomes to the ground. we've got the latest details. after burn? a dramatic day in florida, and one big question. will he or won't he burn the koran? we've got an exclusive interview with pastor terry jones, as the controversy reaches a fever pitch. rirising from the e ashes. after years of delays and controversy, we'll take a top to bottom tour of the ground zero site with the man in charge of the memorial that's taken nine years to construct. is it at long last finally close to being completed? >> announcer: from the global resources of abc news, with terry moran, cynthia mcfadden and bill weir in new york city, this is "nightline," september

9th, 2010. good evening, i'm terry moran. breaking news tonight, and that's where we begin in san bruno, california in south san francisco. a towering fire is just burning out of control after a large gas main explosion. witnses on the scene report s visibly leaving the main and 35 to 45 homes are affected, as you can see there. and with uninterrupted supy of fuel the congression is moving unchecked on that neighborhood at that time. the number of casualties unclear. san francisco general hospital and other facilities are admitting burn victims, as authorities race to clear homes ahead of the fire. cal fire a stata agency respspded to the blaze with four air tankers, two attack planes. one helicopter and 25 fire gines carrying hundreds of firefighters. just a war out there tonight. california emergency management agency said the fires are being

fueled by really strong winds in the area tonight and there are currently no indications of foul plplay in that giant fire. we're going to keep watching that situation for you. nd we turn now to the fast- deveveloping story, a flora pastor, terry jones, who announced today that he has canced p7lans to burn korans on thanniversy of 9/11. the announcement came after the fbi brfed jones on death threats against him. and after defense secretary gates caed him, that jones ld us tonight made aig difference to him. but there was a local muslim leader trying to broker a deal. a deal that may have fallen apart. >> reporter: it was a crazy day. a day of extremism and dealmaking, and the sometimes high cost of free speech in america. and tonight, in an exclusive network intervieie pastor terrr jones told us he's still wavering. you may still l gohead and burn the kokoran, correct?? >> i really do not know. >> reporter: the day began with the president himself weighing

in on the controversy and speaking directly to pastor jones. >> if he's listening, i just hope he understands that what he's proposing to do is completely contrary to our valu as americans. that this country has been built on the notions of religigious freedom and religious totorance. and as a very practical matter, as commander in chief of the armed forces othe united states, i just want him to understa that this stunt that hehes talking about pulling coululgreatly endadaer our young men and women in uniform who are in iraq, what are in afghanistan. >> reporter: later in the morning, fbi agents plowed through the media mob to talk with pastor jones about the avalane of death threats he's getting. across the world, crowds took to the streets to protest the

planned burning of the koran. so, just after 1:00 p.m., the state department issued a worldwide alert for all l americans traveling abroad. it was so bizarre, a hard scrabble florida preacher inciting a worldwide crisis. and d this afternoon, defense secretary robert gates reached out and called pastor jones to warn him of the very real dangers his actions could put u.s. troops in. but nothing seemed to be working. then, just before 5:00 p.m., jones emerged with a statartlin announcement. >> i will be flying up there on saturday to meet with the im at the ground zero mosque. he has agreed to move the location. >> reporter: in a surreal twist, the two controversies had collided. the man who jones says brokered ththdeal, imam muhammad al musri ws oiglido.abó@h@ but it only got weirder. abc's christiane amanpour s doing an exclusive interview

mosque near ground zero, imam m feisal a abdul rauf, at the ver moment that the press conference was happening, and he had a very different take. >> how can you equate burning of any person's scripture with an attempmpt to build interfaith dialogue? >> reporter: then in a written statement, imam made it clear, no deal. i am glad that pastor jones has decided not to burn any korans, he said. however, i have not spoken with pastor jones, or imam musri. i am surprised by y eir announcement. wewe are not going to toy with r religion or any other, n nor ar we here to barter. it was another dramatic turn. pastor jones told us tonight, he feels betray. >> we had a a clr prprise from the am here in that meeting. there were several people wh can confirm that. we find that very devastating, if that is true, that would mean

that the imam here ld to us. we hope that that is not true, and that we can still come to some type of a -- agreement on this matter. >> reporter: if the plan for the islamic center here in new york is not changeded, would you go forward with your plan t to bur the koran on saturday? >> right now, we really don't know. right now, we are, like i said, very shocked, , ry devastated by the fact that the possibility ys there that a man of d,d, anyway, according to his religion, would lie to us several times. >> reporter: tonight, imam musri says jones misundederstoododhei conversation. he said he was guaranteed that the mosque that the cultural center would be moved. >> yeah, that wasn't true. what i guaranteed him is to have a meeting and to fly with him to new york city to have that meeting.

>> reporter: buthere are other pressures on pastor jones. now defense secretary gates also spoke to you, i understand, and president obama himself spoke out, hoped you were listening to him this morning on "good morning america." have the pleadings, the urgings of the top officials in the american government made a difference for you? has that -- >> oh, very much so. very much h so. yes, yes, yes. >> reporter: so it sounds, pastor jones, like you don't really want to do this right now. and if you can find a way out, you will. >> well, we're n n actualllly realally looking for a way out. we're looking for a solution that will make everyone e happy. >> reporter: and if that doesn't happen? >> i guess we will make thatat announcement torrow. right now, for us, we have canceled the event. we are still believing that this promise will come about. >> repter: through all of this increasing pressure on you, increasing controvsy, the death threats you've had, and

essentially the opposition you've had from christians around t the world, really. what have you learned? >> well, definitely all of those things we have taken into prayerful consideration. our opinion of islam has not changed. our opinion of islam has actually been only confirmed through the very fact that we have actctually done nothing. we have not burnt the koran. we have not done anything at all, but even though we have not done anything, there has already been riots andnd threats around the world to us. ththat already confirms that ou missio at least part of our mission has been accomplished to bring a greater awareness toto america and to the world that islam is possibly much more dangerous and much more violent than we thought. >> reporteter: so, maybe you

brought your message to the world and you don't have to go ahead and burn any korans? >> that's very possible. >> so, that is where things stand now. be sure to watch "good morning america" tomorrow morning for the latest on this story. and d when we come back, we move to grnd zero o self here in manhattan, where we're going to take a top to bottom tour of the 9/11 memorial, the underground museum and thehe rising towers. (announcer) chug that coffee, bolt that burrito. no matter what life throws at you, yoyou n take the heat. until it turns into... heartburn. good thing you've got what it takes to beat that heat, , to zantac. it's strong,g, just l can knock out the e bubu. it's fast, the speed you need for heartburn rrelef. and it lasts, up to 12 hours. so let them turn up the heat. you can stop that heartburn cold: (sssssssss!!!!!) zantac.

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man: we need a sofa. your doctor something i can stretch out on! woman: ooh... that will go with those lamps my mother gave us. or we could get some new lamps. or we could get no sofa. negotiating, eh? you got it! how about a nice home for our tv? how about doors to hide that drive-in theater? how about a cowhide rug? yee-haw! and the snacks? get their own place. let the marathon begin!

tonight on "nightline," fireball, a san francisco suburb explodes tonight in a towering inferno after a gas line break, burning multiple homes to the ground. we've got the latest details. after burn? a dramatic day in florida, and one big question. will he or won't he burn the koran? we've got an exclusive interview with pastor terry jones, as the controversy reaches a fever pitch. rising from the ashes. after years of delays and controversy, we'll take a top to bottom tour of the ground zero site with the man in charge of the memorial that's taken nine years to construct. is it at long last finally close to being completed?

>> announcer: from the global resources of abc news, with terry moran, cynthia mcfadden and bill weir in new york city, this is "nightline," september 9th, 2010. good evening, i'm terry moran. breaking news tonight, and that's where we begin in san bruno, california in south san francisco. a towering fire is just burning out of control after a large gas main explosion. witnesses on the scene report gas visibly leaving the main and bursting into flames. 35 to 45 homes are affected, as you can see there. and with uninterrupted supply of fuel the congression is moving unchecked on that neighborhood at that time. the number of casualties unclear. san n francisco general hospital

there have been so many ribbon cuttings and new corner stones laid in the last nine years at ground zero here in manhattan that a lot of people have given up on trying to figure out what is happening at that site. construction crews, meanwhile, have been at work, night and day, laying down the blocks that will define a new skyline and give shape to a new 9/11 memorial. so, tonight, my co-anchor cynthia mcfadden takes the complete ground zero tour. >> we're walking between one world trade and the north pool, the waterfall. >> reporter: we are standing in the center of ground zero. 2 1/2 years ago, the port authority appointed chris ward to take over what had become the very controversial, very slow, very emotional and politically fraught reconstruction. >> this is the north tower. this is the pool of the north power. this was where the original tower stood.

>> reporter: work was to get the memorial site finished by next year, at the tenth anniversary. >> when they see the name and to touch the name i think will be a very important and special part of the experience for people who may have lost someone on this day. >> reporter: the bronze plates will outline the two square voilds which mark the footprint of the original twin towers. the animation shows what's intended for the 16-acre site in the middle of some of the most expensive real estate in the world. six towers are ultimately planned, along with an underground museum of more than 100,000 square feet. we're not seven stories underneath the world trade center site. >> reporter: th . >> this is a great place to be. seven stories below the grade we were before. >> reporter: the centerpiece will be the iconic piece of steel carefully preserved in this big white air conditioned box. the last beam removed from ground zero.

>> here in front of us, this is called the survivor staircase. >> reporter: another treasure housed here. to be displayed when the museum opens in two years, if the schedule holds. it's hard to get your bearings. it's so big. as we emerge from deep below, one of the three-pronged beams from the original world trade center was coming home to rest. about 100 feet from where it once was in the base of the north tower. >> that will be the first art fact that any anybody sees when they visit the memorial. >> reporter: here on a lucky day, huh? >> here's a picture. and the whole idea was in the design, through the glass, visitors would see it, be drawn into that, as i said, conversation about what happened on 9/11. >> reporter: ward leads us over to one world trade center, the massive tower being built on the northwest corner of the site. so, we're on 28th.

you've built already up to -- >> we're about 38 going on 39 right now. >> reporter: this new building will rise to 105 stories. five stories lower than the original world trade center, but still high enough to make it the tallest building in the country when completed. you know, there are a lot of people who say, we shouldn't make it the tallest building in the city. >> we build real estate in this town. we should build what we need and this is what we need for a new downtown. if you change how you are because of something like that that happens, then they end up winning. >> reporter: construction has certainly changed as a result of the terrorist attack. the lobby of one world trade is outfitted like a bunker. let me ask you the terrible question. if somebody drove a plane into the top of the building, would this one fall down too? >> i would love to tell you no, but we live with risks in this world. this will be, i will tell you, the biggest, safest, most well designed tower anywhere in the world.

>> reporter: ward says the construction of the much-delayed and controversial building is now humming along, and that it will open in three years. >> averaging about a floor a week, which is, for high rise construction, is a great rate of productivity. >> reporter: but it has taken a long time. and these four former firefighters take that very personally. each of these men lost sons here. >> i think the world is laughing at us. >> reporter: because it's not done? >> that's right. where is the respect that we give to people that gave their lives? where's the respect? what came first? industry? wall street? >> reporter: look down at the site now, they can't help but recall the months they spent searching through the debris for bodies. here they are with ted koppel. john lost two sons here, john and joe.

>> john, i mean, your pain is almost impossible to imagine. you lost both your sons here. >> only two sons. >> only two sons. one cop, one fireman? >> yes, sir. >> you lost -- >> my son tom. >> he was with the fire department? >> yes. >> have you found him? >> no. still looking. >> reporter: bill butler's son tom was never found. >> feels like yesterday. >> reporter: nine years ago? >> right. feels like yesterday. >> reporter: dennis' son also died here. >> both emotional and basically terrifying, because i worked that day, i was on my way to the south tower when it came down, so, it's got -- i have -- and my son was never recovered, so -- it's even more emotional. >> reporter: i have a 12-year-old son, and i look at the four of you and i think, i

couldn't bear it. i couldn't bear it. >> i can't bear it. people said to us, well, how do you feel now after nine years? haven't seen my son in nine years. that's all. >> reporter: so time doesn't heal all wounds. >> time does not mean a thing. >> reporter: bill, i know you have trouble breathing these days. is that because of the work down here at ground zero? >> certainly is. i was -- i was up and down the piles for those eight or nine months that we were here. the problems i have is from being here and i have no qualms. if this takes my life, so what? i was here for the boys and the people. >> reporter: there is a tragic irony. the horrible events of nine years ago that so united a city and a nation have wled to so much painful controversy. the most recent hot button, the islamic center and mosque.

>> new york's a big place. jersey's even bigger. you want to build something for religious purposes, go there. not here. this is hallowed ground. >> reporter: chris ward sees it differently. >> it's not on ground zero. so, i don't have to have a position on it. mayor bloomberg is the leader of the city of new york has taken a position. i personally think the mayor's right. i think we are a country of freedoms, and that's what we're about. and when you begin to find ways to not embrace the first amendment, i think we lose something very important. >> reporter: so, when i talk to the firefighters today who each of whom lost a son, one of them two sons here, what is it that you want them to know about what's going on here? >> that it's getting built. that years of their frustration of wondering, does anybody care?

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i have twins, 21 years old. each kid has their own path. they grow up, and they're out having their life. i really started to talk to them about the things that are important that they have to take ownership over. my name's colleen stiles, and my kids and i did our wills on legalzoom. [ shapiro ] we created legalzoom to help you take care of the ones you love. go to legalzoom.com today and complete your will in minutes. at legalzoom.com, we put the law on your side.

but what really happened? cnn -- not me -- cnn says his assertion about his tax record was "just plain wrong." jerry brown went out there and took credit for the fact that the people of california voted for proposition 13, which lowered taxes, which he opposed. and now he's going around taking credit for it. he raised taxes as governor of california. he had a surplus when he took office and a deficit when he left. he doesn't tell the people the truth.

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and for nick watt, that is a "sign of the times." >> reporter: the magnificent oxford english dictionary. it weighs 130 pounds. significantly heavier than my wife. it costs $1,290. that's an ipad and a return ticket to cancun. this is the official log of our language. the first language of 70 countries. the language spoken by 2 billion earthlings. people are working very quietly on a third edition. but now, they say, it might only be published online? no print edition? no books? no paper? nothing you can touch? >> as i say, i use it online. it's much more flexible online. that's the way things are going. if there's a printed book -- >> reporter: is this the end of

the world as we know it? no, no, don't worry. apparently this is a good thing. >> it is a staggering sight. it's beautiful. but for a living language, it's a problem. >> reporter: an online edition is superior to that. >> with a living language, of course it is, yes. >> reporter: because online, words can be added as they enter our living lexicon. they get 6 million hits a month. the old beast moves with the times. the most recent editions include rock god, rock chick, rock ballad. that's bon jovi. rice rocket. rich right click. usb port. server farm. all now preserved forever. but -- but -- there's no danger we're going to lose all this. going to be a missile lands on oxford and we're going to lose everything? >> no, there isn't.

we have huge backup technology. but the other thing is -- >> reporter: where? >> on this site. >> reporter: and other sites? >> well, that's -- area of our business i prefer not to go into in public. >> reporter: john simpson has toiled here, man and boy, for nearly 35 years. does it make any difference for you if it comes out in a hard copy? >> that's a funny question. no. >> reporter: apparently there is little nostalgia. little attachment to the print. there must be some people that are slightly upset. >> i suppose, yes. it's a pity. but we haven't made this decision yet. >> reporter: right now, it's a probable, not a definite. and, there's still time to decide. those 80 quiet people working in their reassuringly analog office won't be finished on the third edition for at least another ten years. probably will be the end of the world as we know it -- but i feel fine. i'm nick watt for "nightline" in

oxford, england. >> it is a wonder. and thanks to nick watt for that report. we'll be right back, but first, here's jimmy kimmel with what's coming up next. >> jimmy: thanks, terry. tonight, diane sawyer, ray la montagne, the first game of nfl tonight, diane sawyer, ray la montagne, the first game of nfl

man: we need a sofa. something i can stretch out on! woman: ooh... that will go with those lamps my mother gave us. or we could get some new lamps. or we could get no sofa. negotiating, eh? you got it! how about a nice home for our tv? how about doors to hide that drive-in theater? how about a cowhide rug? yee-haw! and the snacks? get their own place. let the marathon begin!

and finally tonight, we want to bring you the latest on that huge blaze in south san francisco. the red cross reports about 100 people are seeking help at a shelter in san bruno. power outages are affecting 5,000-plus customers. and be sure to check abcnews.com and watch "good morning america" tomorrow morning for the latest on the blazeze night, america. >> jimmy: i'm jimmy kimmel. on the show tonight, the lovely and very journalistic diane sawyer is here. we have music from ray lamontagne and the pariah dogs and i go back-to-school shopping with nolan gould, the kid who plays luke on "modern family." have you ever seen "hogan's heroes?" it's a sitcom set in a nazi prisoner of war camp. >> sounds funny. >> jimmy: you'll love it. you know what? you have to share the classics with the kids. "jimmy kimmel live" back in two minutes.

moments ago, we gave this group of people

the stylish new orbit packs. [ orbit trumpet ] let's see what they think. cork my canteen! churn my butterscotch! [ laughs ] shut the front door! more dirty mouths cleaned up with orbit. now, in stylish new packs. male voice: ooh! green tea with citrus. i could use a lift. you gonna finish that? hmm? well, how 'bout that? dude, fish have ears, you know. announcer: lipton--drink on the bright side. fish: sheesh.

>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- diane sawyer. back to school shopping with "modern family's" nolan gould. with music from ray lamontagne and the pariah dogs. with cleto and the cletones. >> dicky: it ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" >> dicky: and now, i'll tell you what -- here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: thank you. hi, everyone, i'm jimmy. perhaps you know me from television. thank you for coming. thank you for watching. i know what you're thinking. who plucks those perfect eyebrows? well, guess what? no one, they're just like this. naturally. god plucks them for me. tonight was a special night. football is back. the 2010-22 n11 nfl season kick off, opposite "project runway," making tonight a great night to find out if your husband is gay. did you know in europe, they call football basketball? true. today was also rosh hashanah, which in spanish means the jewish knew year, so -- happy new year to about half of our writing staff. they sudden become very religion now, so, to be honest, i'm a little bit low on jokes tonight. we really should start stock piling stuff over the easter break. but since we're a bit

shorthanded today, we outsourced some of our work, and, well, let's check in. we have backup joke writers we use from time to time. let's check in with them now. okay, hello, guys. >> oh, hello. i love you. and how can i make you feel sexy today? >> jimmy: actually, it's jimmy kimmel, i was -- >> oh, my goodness. so sorry. jimmy kimmel laugh line, like the chuckles again. >> jimmy: okay. well, what's -- what exactly is going thereon? >> my sincere apologies. we were on the chat roulette. >> jimmy: okay, all right, i understand now. i'm asking -- i want to know if have you have a football joke. >> oh, yes, football. yes, we've been working on one all day long. >> jimmy: okay, good. >> it will sure bring you big lols. >> jimmy: let's hear it. >> we're going to hear it? >> jimmy: sure. >> let's get our number one joke

man, roger. >> jimmy: get roger in here. yeah, get roger in here and let's -- oh, boy. all right, well, that's -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: somebody should have -- >> it's mr. jimmy kimmel. >> jimmy: give roger a heads up. roger? >> one second. here's the good one. >> what is a the difference between the detroit lions and captain crunch? >> jimmy: i don't know. >> captain crunch can get in a bowl. >> jimmy: oh, all right. very funny, guys. and next time, if you could, wear shirts, because people need to eat breakfast in eight hours, okay? >> people eat the breakfast, yes. >> jimmy: yes, they do. >> that's good. you are mr. funny mr. kimmel. >> jimmy: thank you very much, guys. thank you so much.

it's a good joke. i'm not going -- [ applause ] i feel dumb repeating it, but -- those are grown men, by the way. they have families and the whole thing. mtv tonight provided us with another exciting and dramatic edition of "the jersey shore." i watched the full nine minutes of it before i realized snooki wasn't a football and switched back to the game. this week, a group of not particularly intelligent young people and engaged in casual sex. so -- i didn't see that coming. as we all unfortunately know by now, ronnie has been creeping behind sammy's back, and the other kids in the house are concerned that sammy maybe is having trouble facing reality. >> sam knew why they were together. he was still dogging here. >> ew, you smell. >> the girl was pretty much peed on. he peed in many different ways.

and she just took it and smiled. just like when you're little and you want to believe santa claus is alive. [ bleep ] santa claus is dead. >> jimmy: well, that's -- kids, pay no attention to the situation. santa is just resting. santa will never die. so, to help wake sammy up, snooki and j-woww wrote her a letter on camera. i'm not sure they have a full understanding of the word anonymous. anonymous is when you all vote the same way, right? anyway, the letter upset sammy, which led to a very intense debate, shall we say. >> stop! stop! stop! >> [ bleep ] [ bleep ]. >> stop! stop! >> stop it! >> stop! stop! >> [ bleep ] me again i'll [ bleep ] --

>> jimmy: i swear to god when i was a kid, the same thing happened every time i visited my cousins. right uncle frank? right, somebody would wear someone's brand new reeboks and there would be a fight and my aunt chippy would come in with my uncle frank's gun and everybody would settle down. my aunt chippy is a big fan of the show. she's italian, she's got all the qualificatio qualifications, and here she is with her thoughts on tonight's episode. >> "jersey shore" season two is [ bleep ]. [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: all right, well -- [ applause ] she didn't like that one. this is a -- this is a crazy story. there's a nut in florida, he's the pastor of a tiny church, he's been all over the news,

every news channel today because he's planning to burn copies of the koran on september 11th. he's been condemned by pretty much everyone. president obama said, what he's doing goes against american values. general petraeus said it could threaten american troops. al gore is upset about the carbon emissions. even glenn beck and sara pay lynn spoke out against him. and then tonight he called the burning off because he said he made a deal with an imam, which is a muslim leader, who said that if he agreed to call off the burning, they would agree not to build that mosque near ground zero in new york. >> we have -- or, he has -- been in contact with the imam in new york city -- >> jimmy: it's not iman, it's imam. but continue. >> with the imam here, i will be flying up here on saturday to meet with the imam at the ground

zero mosque. the imam has agreed to move the mosque. >> jimmy: just to be clear, this is the imam, okay? and this is iman. she's a model. i think she's married to david bowie. the imam isn't. okay? and then, to make it even better, the imam says he made no such promise, he doesn't have the authority to make a promise like that because the mosque is being built by a totally different imam in new york. now pastor jones says he may burn the koran afterall. and there's another church now in kansas that says if he doesn't, they will, so -- this is all working out just as jesus would have wanted it to. [ laughter ] right? this is interesting. after, i think a year-long study, scientists or something have found that overweight men make better lovers. as i've been saying for years, by the way. according to the research, men

with higher body mass indexes last seven minutes longer than their slender counterparts. six of those minutes are spent trying to find their penis, but -- [ applause ] i don't know -- i can't confirm this, i'm not a doctor, but we do have one on staff. when we have a medical story that needs clarification, we turn to our in-house expert, and that man is, of course, our very own dr. uncle frank. doctor? >> dr. uncle frank here, more bird on sesty says, a new study says fat men make better lovers. is that true? no way. if you're thin, you're closer. you're not thinking of how you look, because you know you look good. when you're fat, you don't look good and you know it. so, it takes away from your