else. add a layer of excitement to your next meal. ♪ than listening there'to our favorite songs. there's nothing we love more than listening to our favorite songs. but our favorite thing is eating totino's pizza rolls. but our favorite thing is eating totino's pizza rolls. ♪ we're the kids in america ♪ oh, oh, oh politics now. the results from the primaries are mostly in and it was a big night for tea party conservatives. in the delaware republican senate race, the candidate backed by the tea party, and sarah palin, christie o'donnell dealt a huge blow to the gop establishment by toppling mike castle, shocking upset there by a candidate who looked like a nonstarter until she won the backing of america's

most prominent third party movement right now. the tea party could strike again in the new hampshire senate primary. contest between the favorite, lamontagne and ayotte. too close to call right now. pale insplit with the tea party to support ayotte there. tea party activist, one bump in the road, in maryland. odds-on favorite bob ehrlich defeated the palin favorite, brian murphy there. that's our report tonight for the big political night. a lot more tonight tomorrow morning. for all of us at abc news, good night, america. >> jimmy: it's the "jimmy kimmel live" fantasy league, presented by gmc. hello, i'm jimmy kimmel. >> and i'm cousin sal. >> jimmy: we have much to cover tonight, so let's get right to it. >> jb smoove shows no mercy to

kristen bell, beat her 77-63. >> joel mchale on top of dax shepard, 80-53. jx in the all william round, william perry chews up the sports guy bill simmons, 86-83. >> jimmy: and the big scorer, jimmy kimmel crushes adam carolla, 115-86, which stirred up a bit of controversy. >> jimmy: i'm adding up the points again, and i did -- i've confirmed that i did beat you, i did win. >> awesome. >> your cousin's the commissioner. >> huh? >> did we have an independent party do the scoring -- >> independent cousin. >> your stooge, kimmel. >> everyone knew what the deal was when we signed up -- thank you, sal. you get the peanut treatment. >> don't worry about that. >> jimmy: wah, wah. nobody likes a cry berry. i mean, a cry baby. check out next week's matchups on the "jimmy kimmel live" youtube page.

i'm jimmy kimmel. >> i'm cousin sal. >> bang! >> cry berries. >> dicky: to follow the action all season long, go to the "jimmy kimmel live" youtube channel and click on fantasy league for scores, videos and more. "jimmy kimmel live," back in two minutes with joanna garcia, music from brandon flowers and kathy griffin. takes a special kinda loco to pass...initiation. where the sun's so hot it rains fire.

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♪ everybody get together ♪ try to love one another right now ♪ to get a diaper that really works, without the really high prices. the time has come for luvs. say yes to ultra leak protection, no to pricey diapers. it's time for luvs ♪ >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- kathy griffin. from "better with you," joanna garcia. and music from brandon flowers. with cleto and the cletones.

♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" >> dicky: and now, and why not? here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi there, welcome. i'm jimmy. thank you for coming. thank you for watching. can i get anyone a kool aid, anything at all? last night, which from here on, we will call monday, was the first night of "monday night football." and it was not a good night for jets fans, as you can see. ironically, it happens to be fashion week in new york, and --

[ laughter ] i don't think you need a cape if you have a plane on your head. the jets lost to the ravens by a point, but they've been in the news this week, more on -- really? i didn't know you existed. something happened at jets practice on saturday. a reporter from a mexican tv network was there to interview jets quarterback mark sanchez, and apparently when she got there, some of the players went nuts because, well, primarily because she looks like this, and supposedly they were flowing footballs in her direction so the receivers could get near here and making comments in the -- conduct unbecoming of the sew fiophisticated gentlemen why professional football. so, the owner of the jets, woody johnson, apologized to her, which must have been -- hi this is woody johnson. i'm pretty sure that is sexual harassment in of itself. but to prove she wasn't dressed inappropriately, she posted this

photo of herself on her twitter page, and i'm not -- i'm not sure that helped her case any. i mean, seriously. that would make clay aiken dive for footballs. [ laughter ] but because we all love a story that involved a beautiful woman, no matter how trivial it is, she was all over the news today, with a first stop at "good morning america" to chat with george stephanopoulos. >> you interview mark sanchez. >> the minute i walk in, i start to hear a lot of noises, some voices talking about me, evidently, but i pretend not to -- >> what did they say? what did you hear? >> oh, it was like, oh, my goodness, she's here, okay, i want to be mexican. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, who doesn't? right guillermo? >> yes, jimmy. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i guess she'll go back to mexican television where they treat women with respect.

[ laughter ] some good news today, new fbi statistics say that crime in the united states fell 5% from last year. you see what happens when we put lindsay lohan in jail? [ laughter ] crime was down across the board. you know things are bad when even criminals can't find work in this country, but -- experts say the decrease could be due to several factors. the aging of the population, increased incars ration, many criminals have found jobs in the banking industry and on wall street, so -- i, however, credit obesity. i notice when obesity goes up, the crime rate goes down. i guess because criminals become too fat to steal. ♪

>> jimmy: well, bad at crime, good at can nonon balls. that's -- [ applause ] that is true, though. meanwhile, singer george michael was arrested again. he was sentenced to eight weeks in a british jail for driving under the influence. he crashed his car through a snappy snap store in london while he was high on pot. snappy snap is a photo development place. i would have crashed into it just because it's named snappy snaps. george michael has a history of this. in 2006, he hit three parked cars with his one moving one. it's why he named his band wham in the first place. so, now he has to do two months of time surrounded by nothing but men working out, showering together. he's going to be miserable. and he only has himself to blame. after his sentencing, his spokesman made a statement on his behalf.

>> mr. michael has come to terms with the fact that he's committed a wrongdoing. he's willing to serve his eight-week sentence in jail. and as far as his con fefinemen goes, he's released a statement for you all, and i quote, freedom. freedom. you got to give for what you take. don't look now, there's a monkey on your back. don't look now, there's a monkey on your back. that's all. no questions. >> jimmy: all right, so -- so your move, boy george, i guess. see, because that's one of his popular songs. what we did there is, we took some of the lyrics from that song and inserted them into a fake press conference. to hilarious effect. right? >> right. >> jimmy: this is from england, too. this is real. prince charles was at a garden party, because that's what princes do, they party in gardens, and the entertainment at the party was something called a cat piano. if you've never seen it, it's a

piano, comprised entirely of cats. ♪ >> jimmy: he's actual lly weepi with laughter. this is why his mother won't let him be king, by the way. congratulations, i'd like to say to penelope cruz and javier, bardem, who are expecting their first child. [ applause ] it will probably be an ugly kid. if god has a sense of humor, it will come out looking like gollum. because most female movie stars are so thin, it's hard sometimes to tell if they're pregnant. penelope cruz was almost five months along and this is the

first we're hearing about it. it's important we know what's going on inside the wombs of our favorite stars. in a way, they're ours, too. to help keep us on top of who is pregnant and who suspect, our expert, our very own dr. uncle frank. doctor? >> dr. uncle frank here. today, we will let you know how you can tell if someone is pregnant or not. a woman, specifically. okay. penelope cruz, look at the protruding lips. no, no sign. nothing protruding. not pregnant. not pregnant. go-go dancer. that's all she is. definitely pregnant. besides how she looks. look at the blouse. it's overlooking the protruding belly, which usually is protruding when a girl is pregnant. not pregnant. believe me, she's not. you're much happier looking when you're pregnant. definitely pregnant, right?

because of the lips, right? and she's smiling. pregnant women are always happy. and definitely pregnant. my god. look at that. happy face, happy boobs, happy underneath you know what. unbelievable. and protruding you know what. definitely, definitely pregnant. that's how we can tell if a girl is pregnant or not. a girl. guys are never pregnant, remember that. >> jimmy: well, i -- [ applause ] i'll keep that in mind.