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and time for our closing argument. the success of the tea party-backed candidates last night, taking on establishment republicans laid bear a political fault like whose dimensions are still unclear. most prom netly, the gop leadership split on backing christine o'donnell from delaware. how far can the pea partiers take it? can they build enough support to break with republicans for good? a skizism on the right is developing. tell us what you think at the "nightline" page at abcnews.com. that is our report for tonight. for terry moran, cynthia mcfadden and all of us at abc, news good nigh good night america. >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel, talking about head and shoulders shampoo. it's good enough for the hairiest super star in football, troy polamalu. go to troyshair.com to play for ridiculously awesome prizes. let's check out the action on the field.

>> what's this flag all about? >> personal foul. taunting. >> what are you talking about? >> your hair is so full and thick. it's making the players feel bad. >> oh, that's hair and shoulders for men shampoo. it claims to give you thicker looking hair in one week guaranteed. >> i'm going to try this. >> i think you're supposed to do that in the shower. >> i know, it's okay, it's head and shoulders. >> dicky: head and shoulders hair endurance for men. visit troyshair.com for a chance to win a ridiculously awesome trip to super bowl xlv. >> jimmy: "jimmy kimmel live," back in two minutes with nathan fillion, music from trace adkins and dr. fill mcgraw. it sweeps a. your old broom just can't compare. [ funny voice ] hey, broom! wanna sweep and mop like swiffer sweeper?

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"jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- dr. phil mcgraw. from "castle," nathan fillion. and music from trace adkins. with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" >> dicky: and now, cheer up! here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, thank you.

i'm jimmy, thank you for watching. thanks for making it out tonight. good to have you in my clutches. sit down. i'd like to talk to you guys about something. i need to -- and it's serious, too. it's very weird in here tonight, isn't it? did someone in the audience have a seizure or something before? well, will be. it's election season again. there seems to be more election seasons than seasons of "the bachelorette" now days. and some shocking results in the new york and delaware republican primaries last night, where well-known veteran politicians were upended by candidates affiliated by the tea party. it was especially shocking, because i've been to a lot of tea parties with my daughter, and most of the people there are stuffed animals, they're not even real, so -- it's not even tea. it's an imaginary liquid they pretend to pour out. you can imagine the surprise. former new york congressman rick

lazio was beaten by a man named carl palladino, who compared a jewish speaker to hitler, enfavorably, and endorses a plan to turn prisons into dorms. and he is known for forwarded racist joke e-mails to his friends, for which -- like lincoln never e-mailed his friends a video of a woman having sex with a horse. and in delaware, former republican governor mike castle was defeated by sarah palin favorite christine o'donnell. nobody knows what this woman does for a living, if anything. all we do know is that she's gone on the record to oppose masturbation. for real. this is -- this is from 1996. it's a documentary that aired on mtv. christine is who you see next. >> my name is christine o'donnell. i'm the president and founder of

the salt. the salt sta. >> it is a selfish act. and it's a lustful one and we are to walk with pure hearts, not lusting hearts. >> the bible says that lust in your heart is committing adultery, so, you -- you can't masturbate without lust. >> jimmy: oh, really? and -- and how do you know that, exactly? have you been privately lusting? >> you're going to be pleasing each other. and if he already knows what pleases him and he can please himself, then why am i in the picture? >> jimmy: that's a good question. i don't know. i have no idea. i have a feeling christine o'donnell opposes masturbation the same way bristol palin opposes premarital sex, but -- many republicans are very unhappy she won, though she's a republican. last night, karl rove was on fox news, challenging -- she said she's a college graduate, but

apparently she got her degree two weeks ago. this morning, she was on "good morning america." watch this. i think it explains why sarah palin likes her so much. >> why did she mislead voters about her college education? how come it took her nearly two decades to pay her college bills so she can get her college degree? why did she sue a well-known -- >> can you answer those questions? you know what, yeah, everything that he's saying is unfactual. >> jimmy: show me unfactual. oh. i guess that's not really what they call a word. [ applause ] 30,000 people voted for her, by the way. i don't know where these people come from. let me tell you something. i'm not a plus call person. i keep to myself. i'm not one to get involved in things, but -- i'm not proud to say, i'll stand by while our leaders drag us into wars, based on false pretenses, i'll stand by while our oceans are polluted

by greedy corporations who only care about money. i'll stand by while our military blatantly discriminates against our own armed forces, but i'll tell you something. when our right to masturbate is threatened -- that's where i draw the line. [ applause ] in inik. what goes on between me in the privacy of my own bedroom and car, sometimes, is my business. not the government's. so listen up christine o'donnell, and rosie o'donnell, too, while we're at it. we heneed so send a message. i want everyone that believes in basic human rights to touch themselves in the voting boot. [ applause ] and i want to say this. to christine o'donnell, i want you and your followers to know one thing. you'll take away this penis when you pry it out of my cold, dead hand. that's right.

thank you. [ applause ] and god bless america. i also want to wish a happy birthday to mexico. [ applause ] tonight kicks off a celebration of mexico's 200th birthday and may god have mercy on the pinatas. how can mexico be younger than the united states? didn't we take texas from them? i think somebody might be lying about their age. the celebrations in mexico commemorate the start of the mexican revolt against spain in 1810. they might want to hook back up with spain. they had things figured out. had mexico not declared independence, the today may still be ruled by emperor antonio banderas. but they did. and i'm grateful to mexico for giving us our security guard guillermo. so, tonight, to honor his native country and to share this important event in mexican

history, with america, here's parking lot security guard guillermo and friends. [ applause ] >> september 15th, 1810, just before midnight, the mexican people revolted against their spanish oppressors. to sign the start of the revoluti revolution. the cry was heard throughout the land. viva mexico. come on, guys, fight! fight! come on, you play dead. you play dead. playdy. play dead. fight! fight. fight! come on, guys, fight! fight! what happened? come on. come on. fight! fight!

come on, go get him! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: check in later to see how the battle is going. that was -- well done. ironically, even the mexican dogs are climbing the fence. that's -- [ applause ] that's unbelievable. last night, you know, there's a show on oxygen that's called "the bad girls club." they really boiled it down. no singing competitions, just a group of exceptionally despicable women living in a house together. last night, they left the house to go to a nudist resort to hang out with a male strip group called men of steel, and needless to say, bonds were forged. >> here we go. >> about? >> me. >> i think you're amazing. >> i think it's really cute that every bitch in the house is

hooking up with the men of steel. we're horny. when in rome, hook up with a black guy. >> that's right, just -- just like grandma always said. [ laughter ] probably the biggest and silliest name in music right now is lady gaga. lady gaga won eight video music awards on mtv sunday. she accepted them in a dress made of meat. and she's now getting ready to launch a new fragrance. her own perfume, it's called a-1. it's -- [ laughter ] no, it's not -- it's not called that. but -- it's called something different from that. they say it will be her signature scent, something that is unmistakably gaga. and, i tell you, if it sells as much as her records do, get ready to breathe in a lot of lady gaga. >> gaga! [ laughter ]

gaga! >> okay. we get it. >> oh. >> gaga, a fragrance for women. >> available at walgreens. [ applause ] >> jimmy: available at walgreens. oh! let's check back in with guillermo and his chihuahuas and the mexican rebellion. >> it looks like -- >> jimmy: i don't know -- you know what it looks like, everybody wins this particular battle. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i think guillermo's passed away and gone to heaven. we have a good show for you tonight.

any than fillion is here. we have music from trace adkins and we'll be right back with dr. phil, so stay put. before roe, my solution to the problem was to go ahead and wear hats. i was always the hat guy.

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we high fived we high fived like 11 times. ri i -- i think i just threw up surprised me at this party >> jimmy: you've got the mustache to suck it all up. >> that's right. she surprised me at this party with something -- it's on the show friday, we show some of it -- a jimmy: on friday. >> you're going to see what she gave me important a birthday present >> jimmy: that's a and i was blown away. and i'm -- i'm telling you, i was shocked and blown away. e toimmy: that's a lot of

pressure to -- not only to have to come up with a 60th present for your husband but also then to have to reveal it on television. >> yeah, it was -- it was something else. came in and performed. we had a great party, though. she just redid a room at the beverly hills hotel and seal asme in and performed. and he is -- unbelievable. >> jimmy: did he bring his wife? heidi klum? he came and performed, and he's >> she was there earlier in the is amazing. she was there with her kids and your favorite he came and performed, and he's a good friend, so, i am biased. but he is amazing. >> jimmy: what's your favorite seal song? >> i love his cover of "a change is going to come." vid immy: i can't imagine you sitting around and listening to seal and -- >> i do. and he was there that night, and i like him personally thers and his music. and david foster produced that album and david's a good friend, and he was there that night, and he sang that song with a bunch of others and all the girls were elbowing me out of the way and getting up front. >> jimmy: did oprah come to the

party? >> jimmy: why was she there? >> she was in scotland. y, jimmy: not an excuse. >> i talked to her on the l have to tune in, but go immy: why was she there? is she taking over that country, too? >> you'll have to tune in, but she's doing a lot of stuff. >> jimmy: are you going to go to a minulia with her? >> no, i've been to australia. >> jimmy: would you fly in a plane that was piloted by john travolta? >> not for a minute. omebody that does that not one of those giant, i mean -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> jimmy: that's a big plane. >> that's a big plane across a whole lot of water. i want somebody that does that going to be tragedy. not occasionally. >> jimmy: yeah. >> he's rated in it and apparently qualified. > jimmy: i hope so. or there's going to be tragedy. >> i got a suspicion he won't be up there by himself. i >> jimmy: did oprah send you a present for your birthday? >> i'm not going to tell you. sent me really? or, no, she i don't know what to make of that.

it's either, yeah, she sent me something fantastic or, no, she didn't send me anything, and i want her to be struck by lightning. >> no, we -- we have an agreement on birthdays of what ou.do. her birthday and mine. >> jimmy: really? now it sounds dirty. ave a y to you. only to you does it sound dirty. >> jimmy: okay. i'll let my imagination run wild. you also -- i know you have a beautiful new grandchild and you've been named the sexiest celebrity grandparent. and i guess that's inherited, right? the must [ applause ] old for me. the mustache stuff never gets old for me. and it doesn it really doesn't. either. ery elizabeth. and it doesn't get old for her, world. this is avery elizabeth. e is cutis the cutest baby in the history of the world. >> jimmy: she is cute. >> she's smart, she's funny, you know, got a great personality. but she is -- fascinated with this mustache. every time i hold her, it's both hands, grabs onto the top lip and swings around like a monkey, i mean, just hangs off my lip up

he ere and she studies it and looks at it, looks at it, you know. and you think, am i doing something wrong, and then ba something wrong, and then bang. when she gets ahold of it, she's not letting go. >> jimmy: last time you were ur face? was shaved off and do think she got used to you without it? and now an intruder has invaded your face? >> that was not on my short list of possibilities, but -- >> jimmy: something to think of course. >> there's something she's ascinated with. >> jimmy: do you baby-sit? jimmy: yeah, so she does and well, i baby-sit with robyn. >> jimmy: yeah, so she does and you -- >> >> i haven't changed a diaper or we'll be sitting there, she's go, i think she'n't? >> i'm not into that. they get so excited about that. we'll be sitting there, she's feeding her and stuff and she'll go, i think she's filling her diaper! and i'm like, oh, god. completely different reaction to that, but she just loves it. >> jimmy: that doesn't seem like a bonus. just having a ball. >> avery is at my house right

now. you beat out tina erika was there when i left, and robin, and they had avery and just having a ball. >> jimmy: she must be very proud. you beat out tina turner, cheryl ladd, harrison for harrison ford, jim carrey, donny t you're n goldie hahn as sexiest celebrity grandparent. but you're not as sexy as donny osmond. no one is. hope you don't hope you don't take offense to that but you're not sexier than donny osmond. i'm glad you put that >> that's all right. this is cool. i'm glad you put that mustache on there. would you you're kind of obsessed with the mustache. >> jimmy: i am. as good on me. i'd like to have it. would you leave that for me in stabbed somebody and wound up on >> why don't you grow one? >> jimmy: well, it wouldn't be as good on me. i have grown a mustache and i look more like a guy who just stabbed somebody and wound up on the news. look a little bit like geraldo >> i would think you look like a '70s porn star. >> i look a little bit like -- i look a little bit like geraldo on assignment in, like, 1973. >> i got it.

>> jimmy: not a great look for me. for you, it's your thing and e minushave it again. that was a terrible mistake. >> that was a mistake and robin, ing minute i did, she was sitting in the front row and she went, ah, no. i started growing it back right then. >> she's not leaving. >> jimmy: oprah is leaving. will you be leaving with her? >> she's not leaving. she's just changing venues. >> jimmy: she's abandoning us is be on he's doing. >> well, you're going to have uffer rah all day. it's the oprah winfrey network. >> jimmy: is she going to be on t' or just her name there and we're going to have to suffer through her friends doing shows? i mean, let's -- you know -- >> i certainly hope, and expect that you'll see oprah on the ly do it if i of course. >> jimmy: i would hope so, too. >> i would certainly do it if i was -- place. >> jimmy: you will remain in your place -- >> i'm going to remain in my place. >> jimmy: she's not saying, you have to come with me now, nothing like that? >> no, she's not saying that.

this is the ninth season -- >> jimmy: it starts ninth in january, yeah. ha but -- we haven't had as much : yotement on our show as you have -- phil's housewives. >> we have some really exciting things coming up. in a house together? >> jimmy: you have the dr. >> j's housewives. >> right. to marry you at the end? >> jimmy: these are women living in a house together? >> no. >> these -- we're going to have >> jimmy: and one of them gets ot, i ry you at the end? >> these -- we're going to have this series every tuesday, and i've got, i don't know, a staff of maybe 350 people that work on the show, and probably 90-plus percent of them are women and we've been working on this for the last few months and they have come to me and think this is the most compelling series we've done in nine years. hey're terrifi are these really screwed up ic women. >> well, they're terrific women. they are really terrific women. but this gets so real, so raw. i think a lot of these shows people see that they think about is reality tv are very scripted and they set up stunts and that sort of thing. walk this starts, and i've never met

the women before the minute i walk in the room. i don't know their names. so, they unfol so, they unfold their stories to me for the viewer at the same ut them o ree learning about them ey're real women with real and it's so relatable, because they're real women with real challenges. marrie some of them are single mothers, some of them are looking for husbands, some of them are next time i get with t we have every different walk of life there and it is -- i love it. i can't wait for the next time i get with them. >> jimmy: and you go in and yell the show friday, and he says, >> that's not what i do! that's not -- he sends me a birthday wish that will be on the show friday, and he says, yppy birthday, so proud for you, it's great, please stop yelling at us. get people, you kn >> jimmy: you have -- not only do you yell, you do, you scold sometimes, you want to -- you get people, you know, to wake them up. [ applause ] >> common sense is not common enough in america anymore. and sometimes -- i mean, don't you think? >> jimmy: right. [ applause ] >> you know?

>> jimmy: that's a good one. >> and sometimes you just have to say, hey, come on, shut up. on timmy: right. >> you know? and don't you know that kids in america, if they could, they would just like to just put their parents on the couch, say, i want you people to shut up. i'm tired of listening to you, my: we actually -- you >> jimmy: so you're like the e.ds? >> i speak for the children. >> jimmy: we actually -- you have some great things that you say to people. i don't know if they jump out of your head or if you think about d you tell me if it's but like, it's common sense er saycommon enough. made up. good one. i want to throw some things by you and you tell me if it's something you actually said, if you remember saying, or if it's something that we made up. okay? all right. here we go. start with this. when in rome, hook up with a is this a dr. phil-ism? when in rome, hook up with a black guy. i don't think th i don't think that was you. >> i don't think that was me.

>> jimmy: next. >> jimmy: next. don't let your allig don't let your alligator mouth overload your humming bird ass. if you don't kill something, you ed.jimmy: you did say that. this is an eat and kill world. if you don't kill something, you id nt just go eat what he killed. i did not. >> i don't even know what that means. >> me, neither. but you did say it. >> no, i did not say it. adid not. >> jimmy: that says you did. >> no, i did not say that. >> jimmy: if you sprinkle when you tink el, be a sweetie, wipe the seatie. okay >> i think that's a kimmel-ism. >> jimmy: that may be, yes. okay. no. i don' i don't think that was real. i don't care how flat you make a pancake, it's got two sides. we're going to have a donkey >> jimmy: you did say that. yes. we're going to have a donkey barbecue and i'm going to furnish the ass. >> i have said that. >> jimmy: you did say that. well, in you go. you did pretty well. istings., everybody. he's back for a ninth season. check your local listings.

we'll be right back with nathan fillion. [ cheers and [ cheers and applause ] folks, applebee's 2 for 20 is better than ever this season. [ whistle blows, crowd cheers ] that's right, boomer. applebee's 2 for 20 is stuffed with more flavor like florentine ravioli with chicken. one appetizer, two entrees -- twenty bucks. [ whistle blows ] [ berman ] there's no place like the neighborhood. open until midnight or later.

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>> jimmy: hello, we're back. still to come, trace adkins will be here. this is why i don't have a mustache, because you can see -- i look like -- i look like john stossel. so there you go. all right. every monday night at "dancing with the stars," you can see our next guest writing novels and solving crimes. the season three premiere of "cast "castle" airs monday night at 10:00 right here on abc. please welcome nathan fillion. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are you? >> jimmy. >> jimmy: very good to see you. >> this is my -- this is my -- thank you. this is my third time on your

show. >> jimmy: oh, really? oh, all right. so -- >> i think it's only appropriate i ask you, what are your intentions? >> jimmy: purely sexual. i'm going to be honest with you. >> i understand. >> jimmy: how is everything? >> i'm having a good time. >> jimmy: you're shooting the show right now? >> right now. i got off early. this is as close as i get to a vacation right now. >> jimmy: nice summer break? >> i did. we had a little -- we have a hiatus. that is always nice and lovely, and we don't get a lot of time off, it's kind of like summer vacation. boom, i want to take off right away. and this -- this hiatus, i had a beautiful trip, i went to boar are boar are. have you been there? >> jimmy: i've seen pictures. they have the huts on the water. >> if you see postcards of that beautiful watt their's a shallow and clear and there's no waves, just -- that's boar are boar are. that's what it's like. and -- >> jimmy: does it get boring

boring there in the hut with nothing going on? ? that's all i'm looking for. i brought the kindle, that's all i wanted to do was sit there and do nothing. but one of the cast members was going there, as well. i didn't know until we planned the trip and turned out that he would leave and then i would arrive and the trips would overlap four days and then he would leave and i would stay. >> jimmy: was that a good thing? >> absolutely. wonderful man. i want to tell you. here's what happened. i said, i -- >> jimmy: who was this? you don't want to say? >> i don't want to use names. the story gets a little sticky and i would hate to -- i would just hate to embarrass michael and his lovely wife sandra -- [ applause ] >> jimmy: so we will make sure -- yes. we will not. i'll just move on. >> jimmy: what happened? what happened? >> so, we both find out we're going there. i said, you know what, and he's talking about, we're going to feed the sharks and the rains. i said, that's going to be

great. i have one of these cameras. why don't i lend you the camera, you go, when i come, you give it back to me, that way, we have the underwater camera for the trip. perfect. we arrive, we have a lonely dinner. he says, here's the camera, we go back to the room, and i'm going to check if the batteries okay, and there's a movie on there, and i go -- oh. check what that is. and it's him and he's setting it up on the dresser. come on, baby, it will be fun. no, don't, i don't want to. i'm -- i know what this is. i know what's going to happen. oh, my god. it's going to happen. put on the computer, we'll erase it. and my girlfriend says what are you looking at? you can't look at that! that's a private moment. yes, it's a private moment between michael, sandra, me and you. so, i'm watching and this and he convinces her and she's like, okay, i'll do it if you get the

butter. i'll kind of -- i don't know what to do, but i'm still watching. it gets really close and something is just about to happen and they go -- oh! >> jimmy: very crafty. [ applause ] >> so i figure, i'm okay, i'm cool. all i have to do is remain calm, you know? i -- all i have to do is, i don't tell, nothing will tell. we meet for breakfast the next morning, we're sitting down, beautiful paradise, michael looks at his wife, he goes to her, will you pass me the butter? [ applause ] they knew. oh! >> jimmy: so you admitted it -- >> well, i couldn't hold it together. >> jimmy: that's a good one. >> asking too much of me. >> jimmy: very good one the last time you were here, somebody in your crew played a prank on you.

this is -- >> yes, the thing, i burned the thing off his arm. >> jimmy: do you get these people back? do you strike back like a cobra? >> here's what -- i played a couple practical jokes in my time. nothing that is going to hurt anybody's feelings. here's what i learned. if you play jokes on people and you get a reputation for playing jokes on people, then people will play jokes on you, or if someone plays a joke on a person, you're the first person they're looking at. it was you. i was minding my own business, filming -- oh, my god, my very first movie, "serenity," anybody seen it? [ cheers and applause ] thank you. that's exactly -- it was that or crickets. exactly the reaction i wanted. i go up to my car one day and someone had put gummy worms all over the windshield of my car.

it was a hot day in august in los angeles, this thing was sugary mess all over my wipers, my car. i'm looking at it, going, who would do this? my car, why is my voice so high? and adam baldwin goes, hey, i got you, because you did that thing in my dressing room. i was like, i -- that wasn't me. oh, wasn't you? oh. >> jimmy: that's a real win-win for forever pulled the prank. set off a chain reaction. >> people you're not even achling at. >> jimmy: if you do pull a prank, you make it so catastrophic and so terrible that no one ever dares do anything to you ever again. that's my philosophy. i mean -- they give you gummy worms, you blow up their car, i mean, it's -- don't go eye for eye. >> it -- that's the kind of guy

nobody wants to be your friend, if those -- >> jimmy: i don't need anymore friends. >> i like that. >> jimmy: the new season of "castle" starts on monday, after "dancing with the stars." >> yes. exactly the reaction i was hoping for. >> jimmy: betty white is not on this, because enough already. >> that's a great idea. she's really hot. >> jimmy: what is going on? there's a -- i don't want to ruin anything. >> go ahead. what do you know? >> jimmy: i saw a shootout going on. >> oh my god, okay, so, here's the deal. we start the episode in an extremely tense kind of a standoff situation where some people are pulling some guns on some other people. turns out castle is accused of murder. we find him standing over a not yet cold dead body with a gun in his hand. >> jimmy: wouldn't it be something if you are arrested for murder and that's that, it's done.

show done. wrongly convicted -- >> we're going to go forward and say it becomes, like, "prison break" but it's called "castle break." >> jimmy: great to see you. you got to straighten those people out on the set. if you need any assistance -- >> i'll be calling you. >> jimmy: nathan fillion, everybody. we'll be right back with trace adkins. [ female announcer ] when you use cottonelle fresh flushable moist wipes every day, you get so hooked on te fresh feeling, you'll want to pass it on " to a friend. ♪ just go to getfreshwithafriend.com. tell a friend about fresh and you'll both get a ree tub... that now comes with a cottonelle easy reach hanger -- so it's always right where you need it. so go on, get fresh ith a friend! where the sun's so hot it rains fire.

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>> jimmy: this is his new cd,

it's called "cowboy's back in town." here with the song "whoop a man's ass," trade edce adkins. ♪ ♪ every now and then ya gotta take it on the chin gotta turn the other cheek ♪ ♪ but then there's times your old stubborn pride don't back down so easily ♪ ♪ and you got no choice but to let your voice be heard and hold your ground ♪ ♪ and that's the point that he'll get the point and he'll probably back down ♪ ♪ but if he bows up and steps across that line ya gotta whoop a man's ass sometimes ♪

♪ man i'll be the first one here to call you crazy if you let me catch you ♪ ♪ cussin' out a kid or roughin' up a lady and god forbid that anybody ♪ ♪ mess with mine ya gotta whoop a man's ass sometimes ♪ ♪ yeah i let it slide when that liquored up guy asked me boy what you lookin at ♪ ♪ and i kept my cool when the reckless fool put a dent in my cadillac ♪ ♪ and i don't care that my long hair draws stares the way it does ♪ ♪ long as you ain't throwin' sticks and stones you'll probably be all right ♪ ♪ 'cause i'll take the high road if i can out of a bind ♪ ♪ but you gotta

whoop a man's ass sometimes ♪ ♪ man i'll be the first one here to call you crazy if you let me catch you ♪ ♪ cussin' out a kid or roughin' up a lady and god forbid that anybody ♪ ♪ mess with mine ya gotta whoop a man's ass sometimes ♪ ♪ man i'll be the first one here to call you crazy if you let me catch you cussin' out a kid ♪ ♪ or roughin' up a lady and god forbid that anybody mess with that pretty girl of mine ♪ ♪ cause i'll whoop a man's ass

sometime s ya gotta whoop a man's ass sometimes ♪ ♪ yeah, ya gotta whoop a man's ass sometimes ♪ ♪ whoop a man's ass ♪ whoop a man's ass sometimes you know, i just got this new chase checking account. really? yea, check this out. there's no deposit slips or envelopes. you just take the check and--psshht--right in there. now chase atms take the worry out of making a deposit. so that's it? they got it? duh. oh it's on the receipt. it also works with cash. really? do you have a 20, or... yea! psshht! voila. that's cool. ok let's go. hey, wait. where's my 20? hey, what's up, dude? chase checking. welcome to banking with chase. chase what matters.