and time now for tonight's closing argument. president obama appeared on onstewart's comedy program "the daily show" this evening. but probably didn't think all of stewart's questions were funny. >> you ran with such, if i may, audacity. so much of what you said was great leaders lead and a time of opportunity, we're the ones we're looking for -- yet, legislatively, it has felt timid at times that i'm not even sure at times that what you want out of a health care bill. >> and this is -- jon, i love your show, but -- >> very kind of you.

>> but -- but this is something where, you know, i have a profound disagreement with you and i don't want to lump you in with a lot of other pundits, but this notion -- >> you may. >> no, no, look, this notion that health care was timid -- you've got 30 million people who are going to get health insurance as a consequence of this. >> so, tonight, we ask you, is stewart right? has the president failed to deliver? tell us what you think at the "nightline" facebook page or on the "nightline" page at abcnews.com. that's our report for tonight. from all of us at abc news, good night, america. >> dicky: it's the "jimmy kimmel live" fantasy league. presented by gmc. >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel. is. >> and i'm his cousin sal. >> jimmy: we have a lot to cover tonight, so, let's get to it. >> great matchups in the jklfl this week.

kristen bell seizes adam carolla's manhood with a 24-point drubbing. >> jimmy: the fridge gets to 5-2 by rolling over j.b. smoove. >> the sports guy continues his roll with a three-point win over dax shepard's plucky underdogs. >> jimmy: and joel mchale didn't lose. >> which means he won. >> jimmy: kind of. >> he beat you. >> jimmy: right again, sal. but i'll tell you what joel didn't win -- a good sportsmanship badge. his behavior was despicable. >> i would like to just point out that i beat the living [ bleep ] out of you this week. >> jimmy: you cannot use the word beat, please? >> i defeated the living [ bleep ] out of you. oh, how you must have felt. you must have felt like, wow, this is -- >> i'm looking ahead to next week. it's a long season. at the end, someone's going to come out on top and someone's going to come out on bottom. >> that's right. >> jimmy: just like when we make love. >> that's -- he's joking. i was just --

>> jimmy: check out next week's matchups on the "jimmy kimmel live" youtube page. >> the "jimmy kimmel live" fantasy league, right here, every week. >> jimmy: presented by gmc. i'm jimmy kimmel. >> i'm cousin sal. bang! >> dicky: follow all the action all season long, go to the "jimmy kimmel live" youtube channel and click on fantasy league for scores, videos and more. "jimmy kimmel live" back in two minutes with william shatner, hilary duff and music from a perfect circle. [ female announcer ] think a thick cream is the only way to firm skin?

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hilary duff. and music from a perfect circle. with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" >> dicky: and now, as far as i know, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, thank you, i'm jimmy, thanks for watching. thank you for attending. thanks for, well, thanks for everything. you know, there are powerful storms blowing across the country right now. don't worry, i'm here to protect

you from them and any harm that might come your way. but i almost feel guilty because it was sunny and 81 degrees here in los angeles today. and i will say, by almost, i mean not even slightly guilty. i'm smart. the weather doesn't affect me at all. for years i've been living in a bunker 90 feet underground and it never gets lonely as long as i have my turtles with me. but back to the weather. more than 200,000 homes went without power. there's inch-sized hail along the east coast. bieber fever outbreaks have been reported in hundreds of elementary schools. it was even snowing today in minnesota. >> huge problems in minnesota, too. they have canceled more than 100 flights. the airport is down to one runway for the second day in a row. >> jimmy: was that -- i think that was brett favre. someone buy him a belt. he can't keep his pants on. tornado warnings across the

midwest, i think the south and mid-atlantic. reports of 24 possible tornadoes yesterday. possible tornadoes are the second-worst kind of tornado. [ laughter ] if it keeps up through the weekend, kids dressed up for halloween might actually be able to fly around. that will be fun. tornadoes are scary. well, to me, anyway. here in california, here in california, the only high pressure system we're dealing with is whether or not pot becomes legal on tuesday, but -- [ applause ] we did get a -- and judging by your response, i'm guessing it will. tornadoes do happen every once in awhile and we need to be prepared for them. this is our second floor security guard adolina. she's extremely individual lent. she guards the door and she is enjoying some coffee mate there, it seems. last week, we had our staff pretend that we're being hit by

an earthquake. everyone went and surrounded her, to see how she would react. and this is how she reacted. keep in mind, the ground wasn't moving at all. she just -- so, this week, we thought it would be a good idea to see how she would react to a tornado. and if you're wondering how she would possibly fall for this again, we're wondering that, too. but she did. you know, tornadoes are very rare in southern california, especially inside a building, but it's important to be ready, so, today, once again, we assembled the staff and put adolina to the test. >> it's a tornado!

it's a tornado! it's a tornado! it's a tornado! it's a tornado! >> it's a twister! it's a twister! it's a twister! it's a twister! it's a twister. it's a twister! >> jimmy: hey, adolina.

you did a great job. were you scared at all? >> the wind was pulling me. >> jimmy: it was picking you? >> yeah. >> jimmy: but where was the wind coming from? >> it was coming like this. >> jimmy: uh-huh. all right. well, if you don't mind, get back to your post. thank you, adolina. beautifully done. she's my first and second line of defense. [ applause ] the wind wasn't pulling her. the fan was on the other side of the -- in new york today, they're still cleaning up from a tornado named charlie sheen. [ laughter ] the police took charlie sheen to the hospital yesterday after an indent in the middle of the night at the plaza hotel. the story that's been reported is that a hooker locked herself in the bathroom and called the cops because charlie was flipping out. when they showed up, he was naked and did $7,000 worth of

damage to the hotel room. tmz published this shocking photo of the room. my god, it's almost as if he took all the pillows and piled them up. it's -- and the little mint they usually leave on the night stand was turned completely upside down. whatever went on in the room was apparently enough to scare the prostitute into calling the police, which they don't normally do. and what makes this story even crazier is that his kids and ex-wife denise richards were in another suite in the same hotel. honey, could you please scream at the hooker in your inside voice in the kids are trying to sleep. charl charlie's pub list cyst said that he went to the hospital to an allergic reaction to medication he was taking. while that sounded a little bit fishy at first, this is the medication. you can clearly see. warning, may cause nude hotel room trashing. so -- it's right on the box. [ applause ] if not the bottle itself.

charlie sheen was not charged with a crime. of course he wasn't. they don't charge him because his father used to be the president. you can get away with anything. he says he'll be back to work next week on "two and a half men." which that won't be awkward, will it? how was the break? good. do anything? nothing really, just hung out in the room. you know, i think america's husbands really should thank charlie sheen and tiger woods and mel gibson and brett favre. compared to them, a regular guy seems like the world's greatest catch now. did you take out the garbage? [ applause ] no, i didn't take out the garbage, but -- i also didn't text out pictures of my penis to anyone today. there was a video game convention this weekend. it's run by a company called blizzard. they make world of warcraft. i see a nerd to my left nodding. part of the convention was a q

and a with the guys who make world of war craft who wound up stumped by a line of questioning from this young man. >> hello. i have -- i just finished reading the shattering yesterday and i noticed something. it said that wild hammer was going to be on the council of three hammers but in the's not the game at all. what happened to him? >> isn't falstad dead? >> no, he survived and in fact he was the leader of ari peak and vanilla wow through raths of the lynch king. >> of course. thanks for pointing that out. we're going to get that fixed. >> thank you. [ applause ] >> jimmy: i'm not sure, but i think -- i think we just saw a vow of celibacy.

i think we just saw a man announce officially that his plan is to never have sexual contact with another human being. he's the anti-sheen is what he is. [ laughter ] no, i -- wild hammer defeated the anti-sheen with his sword of illusion, so, it is not -- meanwhile, director james cameron has announced he started working on scripts for "avatari"avatari ii" which is going to hit theaters in 2014. unfortunately, spent all the money on the first one, so the next one is going to be made with sock puppets and an atari. halloween is, what, four days away. i'm a little nervous. you know, when the nation went bankrupt, i bought their entire supply of milk duds and they haven't arrived yet, so, i might not be ready for trick or treaters this year. but if you are planning to dress

up and you haven't come up with a costume yet, we're here to help. you can put together a perfectly good costume using regular items from around the house. here is our last minute halloween costume of the night. okay. take a paper towel tube. crumble up some foil. put the foil ball on the tube. tut a salad bowl on your head. and -- justin bieber! is that -- [ applause ] is that him? oh, no, that wasn't him. good costume. hey this is fun. this is from fox five in new york yesterday. they did a live remote with the glee club from a local middle school and this happened. >> do you guys have a lot of drama, are you that competitive? >> no, we're mostly friendly throughout the whole class. >> really? and do you sing and dance and dress up in costumes at all?

>> we mostly sing. but we like to do a little danci dancing. >> oh, oh, oh my goodness. are you okay? we just had someone faint here, but should we get the song on the road here, we're going to sing "america the beautiful." let's get patriotic, guys. if you can start right now. take it away. >> jimmy: i'm guessing she's not a mom. it's -- well, you know, america was built on a foundation of progress, so -- the show must go on. and one more thing, this is -- this is interesting. spanish language broadcaster univision has seen big growth in the ratings this year. more growth than any english language broadcaster. and if current trends continue, in seven years, univision will be the number one network on television. do you watch univision,

guillermo? >> yes, jimmy. >> jimmy: you do. and you like it? >> yes, jimmy. >> jimmy: all right. and did you know they were doing so well? >> yes, jimmy. we're doing very well. >> jimmy: what do you mean you're doing very well? >> yes. doing very well. >> jimmy: you don't work for univision. what do you mean by that? >> yes, i do. let me show you. i don't know -- oh, there's a tornado going on upstairs. i have no -- >> no mas con guillermo!

♪ ♪ ♪ [ applause ] >> jimmy: hey, we have a good show tonight. hilary duff is here. we have music from a perfect circle. and we'll be right back with william shatner. stay put.

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>> jimmy: thank you, cleto, for all your singing and performing. welcome back. with us on the show tonight, an actress, singer, fashion designer, respiratory therapist, and now author of this novel, "elixir." it is on "the new york times" bestseller list. hilary duff is here. then later on, a band of many stars. their sold-out tour begins november 4th in tempe, arizona, a perfect circle from the bud light outdoor stage. tomorrow night on the show, mandy moore will be here tomorrow night, john quinones will be here and we'll have music from youtube sensation atomic tom, so, please join us then. during his long and distinguished career in

television, our first guest tonight has played a kirk, a crane, a hooker and occasionally himself. his new show is called "bleep my dad says." it airs thursdays nights on cbs. please say hello to william shatner. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: great to see you. >> so good to see you, so good to be here. how are you? >>. >> jimmy: doing well. congratulations. i know your show just got picked up for a full season. i read that on your twitter. >> well, there are hurdles in a show business, you know, you make a pilot, you got to sell it, you sell it, you have to get popular, you're popular, you go 13, then you go another nine, i guess, and then you go, then you get the nine, you think, well,

what about next season? so, that was another hurdle. >> jimmy: and you cleared it. >> one. >> jimmy: do you tweet yourself? >> do i tweet myself? >> jimmy: are you the -- >> no, i know what i'm going to say, so, i don't really need to -- i -- i tell you, my kids, their fingers are extensions of the keyboard. they can type. i have to choose between my thumbs and my forefinger. >> jimmy: on the phone? >> no, on the keyboard. >> jimmy: you use your thumbs on the keyboard? >> you're going like this. >> jimmy: not on the phone -- you don't go like that. >> it doesn't matter because i can't find the keep keys anywa. i doesn't come naturally to me. and so, it takes time. and then -- and then you make a

mistake so you have to press delete and it just takes more time than i need. >> jimmy: but you do it anyway. >> but you can find somebody to do it. >> jimmy: oh, you have someone that does it for you? >> well, you can say, here's the message and -- >> jimmy: and put it out there. saves a lot of time. like having a little stenographer there. >> that's so degrading. >> jimmy: no. >> not degrading, but they could be called an associate producer. >> jimmy: thstenographer is betr than tweeter. >> being a tweeter is pretty good. >> jimmy: maybe there will be a union and a certain rate you have to pay tweeters and you'll have to tweet so many times a day. >> how many do you? >> jimmy: i have kind of tailed off. i started doctor. >> tailed off on the tweeting? >> jimmy: it got a little old for me. i was tweeting constantly. >> like what? >> jimmy: every thought that entered my head. i was tweeting it.

myself. with my thumbs and my feet sometimes. i tweet with my feet. >> so, so -- what would you say to yourself? >> jimmy: well, it's all on there, my twitter page. >> but i don't read your twitter page. >> jimmy: well, maybe -- >> maybe you should. >> jimmy: get your lackeys to read it to you, too. >> see, i think tweeting -- i discovered the magic, the power of tweeting. i was -- i've been working on a website called my outer space. and it was time to launch, and i had heard about the power of tweeting and i was sort of casually interested in doing small things with it but then i said, on the tweet, you guys should watch my outer space, look at my outer space. that's all i said, and in five and a half weeks, 12 1/2 million people had hit upon my outer space. the power of tweeting is viral. there's a whole new electronic -- >> jimmy: oh, i know. i've heard all about. i know about it. i'm worried with the outer space

stuff that you are under the impression that you actually were traveling through space. you know you weren't, right? that was just a television show and movies. >> that's a false rumor put out by people like yourself. >> jimmy: i have to say, i -- i'm not exaggerating. they told me that you're having an 80th birthday coming up soon -- >> what? >> jimmy: i find it almost impossible to believe. and it is -- it makes me feel better about aging to see that you're -- i mean, really, you look great, and you're still working and very -- and all of these things. have you done -- >> i'm making less sense now. >> jimmy: are you really? >> well, i have that as an excuse. yeah, the number sounds foreign to me. it sounds like a bad, a body that's registered itself, i've got to discard it. >> jimmy: you probably -- i had that when i turned 40. i was like, wow, i'm going to be 40. >> i went to bed for three days when i turned 40.

>> jimmy: you did? probably with a pile of women, though, right, i mean -- >> 40 women for 40 days each had 40 minutes. >> jimmy: like noah. >> like noah, right, two redheads, two brunettes. >> jimmy: and so now you'll have 80 coming up in a little while. >> whoa, i'm tired already. >> jimmy: you're not looking for a whole big deal? >> 80 sounds like -- people i think who are 80, dribble things down -- oh, geez, look at that. >> jimmy: well, you're changing all that. and changing your jacket. here's something else i want to ask you about. i heard you watch "dancing with the stars" religiously. is that true? >> it's a religion. god rests in "dancing with the stars." i love "dancing with the stars." but not so much because of the dancing. because the way the people change in the show. they change physically. they get thinner. >> jimmy: some of them.

>> who doesn't get thinner? >> there's a couple that haven't gotten any thinner this year. >> well, that's true. but they can't dance, either. >> jimmy: you might be right. >> but they change. not only do they change physically, but the interaction between the dancer and the celebrity changes. you can see, there's kind of in the beginning, oh, hello, and it gradually gets more intimate and you hear of them giving gifts like rings and there are intimate smiles, little pats and then there's the fond fondling of flesh that excites one to watch. >> jimmy: you have to get cable. there's a lot of stuff on that i think you'd really enjoy. >> i don't know how to get on it. but "dancing with the stars" is a great show for all those reasons. and what i want to tell you, i haven't really heard too much about this, is, derek hough --

>> jimmy: his sister is julianne, she used to be on that. >> yes, i know that. watched her with great admiration, too. >> derek hough, he is america's greatest dancer. >> jimmy: you think so? really? >> oh, my god. he -- he is -- he is fred astair and gene kelly wrapped up -- and his choreography is so imaginative -- he's one of america's treasures, and he's -- and he was, like, facing extinction. >> jimmy: are you coming out of the closet right now? [ applause ] have you been hanging around with george takai? >> jimmy, i'm in touch with my female side and i have to educate -- >> jimmy: would you appear -- i'm sure they would be -- >> they want four months of your time. and they want you to do nothing else. you can't do anything else. >> jimmy: you have to dance. >> i'm doing a lot of other things. like "bleep my father says" on cbs. >> jimmy: yeah, but -- so you --

you couldn't -- it's not something you do. are you a good dancer? >> am i a dancer? jimmy -- i'm going to educate you. >> jimmy: you are? all right. >> dancing is one of the great forms of expression by human beings. captures line and tempo and nuance and by -- and the dancers bodies are the epitome of what the human body can be. >> jimmy: that's for sure. >> take miss hough for example. >> jimmy: yeah, i would like to. i got to get her to your party. >> yeah, you bachelors are all the same. but i've got to educate you about that. >> jimmy: we'll go to the library. >> i thought perhaps you wouldn't mind if we both made a fool of ourselves doing a waltz. >> jimmy: with who? with each other?

all right. but i don't know how to do it. >> no, no. okay. one, two, three. now -- the first -- the first thing that we have to negotiate here is who is leading? >> well, i'm going to have to be the woman, i guess, you're going to have to leave. you're the man. your captain kirk for god sake. of course you're the man. but -- [ applause ] you'll have to lead. >> jimmy: so. okay. hold on. >> jimmy: what do i do with my feet? >> one, two, three. one, two, three. no, no, not looking down. erect. erect! that's right. you remember what it's like to be erect. one, two, three. just step -- >> jimmy: i stepped on your foot. i'm sorry, i'm not a lady. >> one, two, three. >> jimmy: i don't know what to do. do i move them?

>> two, three. >> jimmy: this is -- this is romant romantic. wow, this is -- i think i'm going to have to keep dancing through the commercials. "bleep my dad says" airs thursdays at 8:30 on cbs. william shatner, everybody. we'll be right back with hill little duff. he was meeting my friends for the first time. we knew the perfect place to go. man: cheers, everyone. i guess i did okay. i knew they'd love him. introducing olive garden's two new sacchetti dishes. stuffed pasta pouches filled with four italian cheeses. with herb marinated chicken breasts in a garlic cream sauce. or with savory sauteed shrimp. both served with our unlimited salad and breadsticks. it was a great time. and good practice for my parents. olive garden. when you're here, you're family.

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as an unhappy choice between a longtime politician with no plan for the future and a billionaire with no government experience. well, let me tell you my story. my husband and i came here as newlyweds. we raised our family here and the california dream came true for me in ways i could never have imagined. now i'm running for governor to restore the california dream for everyone. i'm not a career politician or a hollywood star. i'm from silicon valley, where i created thousands of jobs at ebay. as governor, i'll do something that's been missing from california politics for far too long. i'll treat you like grownups, tell it to you straight, and offer a practical plan forward. these are scary times and i know that cleaning up sacramento won't be easy.

our problems are tough, but so am i. if you want more of the same from sacramento, then vote for my opponent. but if you want to get california moving again, i'm ready. are you? >> jimmy: hello there. still to come, a perfect circle. our next guest is the artist formerly known as lizzie mcguire. she's an actress, singer, fashion designer, hockey wife, and now author. her first novel, "elixir," is a "new york times" bestseller. please welcome hilary duff. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, let me say it's about time you wrote a novel. you wrote a novel. by the way, i was looking through it just a minute ago and

i can just read -- >> did you go to the very last page -- >> jimmy: i went to the fourth to last page. >> kissing him hungrily, i ran my hands over his body. down his chest, past the belt of his jeans. no, he begged, i can't let you. you can, you want to. please. what kind of guy says, no, i can't let you? who is this based on? >> a man who is about to die. >> jimmy: yeah. even more so if he's about to die, i mean, that's the time. >> you know what -- the next novel, i'm going to have to bring you in and be like, please, i wasn't going in the right direction -- >> jimmy: write me into the novel. and then jimmy kimmel opened her shirt. and refer to me by my first and last name every time. this is a novel for young

adults, right? >> it is, yeah. it's kind of, you know, there's a lot of, like, a lot of story going on there's a paranormal aspect, a young girl making her way through life, and she wants to be a photo journalist. it gets complicated. >> jimmy: when did you decide to write a novel? >> honestly, it wasn't really like, oh, i'm going to write a book. i had ideas and i think doing what i do and writing music and, you know, being in movies, it is always about story telling. so, i kind of just had some ideas and started writing them down and i met some of the right people and i started to write the book, so -- >> jimmy: and then there it is. and it must be cool to get the actual book and to see it and see yourself on it. >> jimmy: by the way, most authors have a little picture of himselves because they're not so great looking. look at you. have you been on, like, a book tour and meeting people and signing things? >> i have. i went on an awesome two-week

book tour and it's kind of crazy because you're in a different city every single day and just signing away at bookstores, but -- >> jimmy: do you sign anything that they bring you to sign? because that is a common complaint, i hear, from people, they bring every piece of memorabilia you have to sign. >> and some weird things. >> jimmy: like what? >> my god, i don't know. i could go on for awhile. a few weird things. >> body parts? >> this is very funny that you mention this because the first time i was here i signed my very first body part, like, in -- >> jimmy: here on the show? >> really? whose was it? >> some kind was like, can you sign my arm and i'm like, whatever, signed it and he went and got it tattooed while i was doing your show in hollywood, my autograph and his, like, at the end, when i walk out to get in the car, he's showing me the arm, and he got my name tattooed on his arm. >> jimmy: oh, my god. >> i was like, that is

dedication and please, i don't need your mother calling and screaming at me. >> jimmy: how old was this kid? >> i don't know, like, 18. >> jimmy: that's going to be great when he's in his 40s. >> yeah, so not going to be proud about that. >> jimmy: this is something i did. you got married recently. congratulations. your husband is a hockey player. [ applause ] and your husband plays for the penguins, so, is he in pittsburgh most of the time then? >> yeah, all the time. i have to go visit him, so, he's there until april. >> jimmy: i have a picture here from your honeymoon. i was following you with my camera. now, you guys went to mexico for your honeymoon. >> we did. cabo. >> jimmy: and you went go carting, which is fun. >> first of all, we have the most competitive couple on earth and we're balls to the wall. >> jimmy: you are? >> i want to win, he wants to win. >> jimmy: so you were really serious when you competed?

>> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: i'm wondering about this picture that was taken. this is after the race? >> it's always that way for some reason. it's really unfair. >> jimmy: whose idea was that. >> look at the box so much littler. >> jimmy: because you're the second placer. >> thanks. i got that. >> jimmy: you came in last, it looks, from the way -- unless there's some invisible opponent that i don't know about it. and so, do you think -- is that a healthy thing for your relationship that you guys are that competitive? >> i don't -- i never thought about it that way. >> jimmy: that's the biggest ring i've ever seen in my life, by the way. is that real or is that cubic zirconia? >> i haven't had it tested. he's going to be in trouble if it's not real. >> jimmy: wow. i didn't know hockey players made that much money. what's going on? it's bigger than a puck! it's astonishing. >> that's exactly what i said when he proposed.

i said, oh, my god, it's bigger than a puck. yes. >> jimmy: well, congratulations to you. congratulations on the book, as well. hilary duff, everybody. we'll be right back with music from a perfect circle. i was driving in northern california. my son was asleep. i really didn't see it coming. i didn't realize i was drifting into the other lane. [ kim ] i was literally falling asleep at the wheel. it got my attention, telling me that i wasn't paying attention. i had no idea the guy in front of me had stopped short. but my car did. my car did. thankfully, my mercedes did. [ male announcer ] a world you can't predict... demands a car you can trust. the e-class. see your authorized mercedes-benz dealer for exceptional offers through mercedes-benz financial. ♪

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>> jimmy: these gentlemen were kind enough to make a stop here on their new tour. here with the song "weak and powerless," a perfect circle. ♪ ♪ tilling my own grave to keep me level jam another dragon down the hole ♪ ♪ digging to the rhythm and the echo of a solitary siren ♪ ♪ one that pushes me along and leaves me so ♪ ♪ desperate and ravenous i'm so weak and

powerless over you ♪ ♪ someone feed the monkey while i dig in search of china ♪ ♪ white as dracula as i approach the bottom ♪ ♪ desperate and ravenous i'm so weak and powerless over you ♪ ♪ little angel go away ♪

♪ little angel go away come again some other day ♪ ♪ devil has my ear today i'll never hear a word you say ♪ ♪ he promised i would find a little solace and some peace of mind ♪ ♪ whatever just as long as i don't feel so ♪ ♪ desperate and ravenous i'm so weak and powerless ♪ ♪ desperate and ravenous i'm so weak and powerless ♪

♪ over you ♪ over you ♪ over you ♪ over you ÷x÷x÷x÷x÷x÷x÷x÷x÷x÷xñ