tonight on "nightline" -- incredible fear. those are the words of kidnap victim elizabeth smart taken from her bed at age 14 as she described today explicit details of her nine-month captivity at the trial of her alleged abductor. from gay to straight -- "nightline" investigates the therapy that claims it can diminish unwanted homosexual urges. for the first time, our cameras are allowed behind the scenes of this highly controversial retreat. and bad timing -- president obama travels to india but in the wake of his electoral shellacking, can he make the case this country is a true economic partner rather than a

rival? good evening. i'm terry moran. the abduction of elizabeth smart in june 2002 captured the nation's attention as few cases do. she was a 14-year-old girl. safe in her bed at home in salt lake city. and then suddenly she was gone, the months' long search that followed came closer to finding elizabeth than anyone could have known at that time. in riveting testimony today in the trial of her alleged abductor, smart, who's now 23 years old, describes the moment she heard rescuers calling her name but was powerless to respond. mike von fremd has our report. >> reporter: the 14-year-old girl who was kidnapped in her bedroom at knife point and went missing from her family for a terrifying nine months --

>> the prayers of the world have brought elizabeth home. >> reporter: -- is now a graceful yet determined 23-year-old woman. elizabeth smart told oprah she has fully recovered. >> i am fantastic. >> reporter: and today after traveling from missionary work in france for her church, she testified against her accuser and gave explicit detail about the first weeks of her captiv y captivity. her accused kidnapper, brian david mitchell, was not allowed in the courtroom today because he was singing hymns during the proceedings. his defense is predicated on insanity. in a composed voice, she told the jury about what happened the night of june 4, 2002. i remember him saying i have a knife to your neck, don't make a sound. get out of bed and come with me, or i will kill you and your family. her 9-year-old sister, mary catherine, shared a room and witnessed the abduction. >> i was shocked and -- i was so

squared. i just, like, ran back in my bed and, like, hid underneath my covers. >> reporter: elizabeth says she was marched three miles to a canyon where mitchell and accomplice wanda barzee made her his wife, staging an impromptu wedding. in today's testimony, she says she was raped on a daily basis, if not more. he forced me off the bucket and into the bed that they had. where he proceeded to fight me to the ground and force the robes off where he raped me. she says she cried herself to sleep that night. when she woke up, there was a cable around her ankle that was tethered to a nearby tree. she remained bound for about a month and a half. there was one particular moment elizabeth recalls fighting back. i bit him. i bit his tongue as he was trying to kiss me and i bit him. he pulled back and said that if i ever did that again, he would never have sex with me again and i'd be the most miserable woman in the world.

meanwhile, there was a massive nationwide search. smart told the jury today that she was aware of the rescue efforts. i remember one day sitting on the buckets with the defendant and his wife. i remember hearing my name being called out. and i remember him becoming very, very tense. and i remember him telling me if i cried out, he would duct tape my mouth shut and anybody who came into the camp would be killed. ed smart never gave up. >> i feel confident that we're going to find her and i'm hoping that we're to find her today. >> reporter: elizabeth says mitchell was obsessed with sex. moved from state to state. even tried to kidnap another young girl. and there were run-ins with police after mitchell broke that a california church. >> where you going to be living when you get out of custody? >> we're staying with some friends and the lord jesus christ. i'm a minister for the lord. >> reporter: to conceal her identity, oftentimes she was shrouded from head to toe in

ren relidgess veil but someone recognized her anyway and called police. >> she is here and well. >> she's beautiful. she's happy to be home. and we're so happy to have her home. >> i don't know what she's gone through. and i'm sure she's been through hell. >> reporter: this is the second time that smart has had to speak in detail about her horrifying experience. last october, her words were essential in proving that mitchell was mentally fit to stand trial. these were words that she had never uttered publicly before. not even to her parents. >> there were certainly a lot of things that i had never heard before, and i had -- i had no idea what she had gone through. >> reporter: it's been eight years and yet smart continues to live this nightmare. >> i don't want them ever out because i really believe that they wouldn't stop. >> reporter: local attorney greg skorta says mitchell's not

guilty by reason of insanity will be difficult. >> the defense can argue that he's had a horrible childhood and he may even suffer from a mental illness but that may not take him over that last hurdle to say, okay, you're not just mentally ill but you're insane. >> reporter: tomorrow, elizabeth smart will be back for more testimony. the trial is set to last up to four weeks. if convicted, mitchell may spend the rest of his life in prison. for "nightline," this is mooshg von fremd in salt lake city. >> elizabeth smart, a remarkable young woman there in that trial. thanks to mike von fremd for that report. when we come back, we've got an exclusive inside report on a highly controversial retreat that claims it can help men get rid of their feelings of sexual attraction for other men. vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

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question -- can sexual orientation be changed through conscious decision-making or therapy? the question itself is highly charged with its seeming

implication than one sexual orientation may be preferable to another. but some men and women do want to change. tonight, our cameras for the first time are allowed inside a retreat for men that claims it can help. it costs $650 a weekend. and it's all part of the newest wave of so-called gay reparative therapy. ryan owens has our report. >> reporter: meet preston, a 28-year-old from outside salt lake city, utah, who has just landed in houston for a weekend with his buddies. >> i'm definitely excited to go and take part in it. >> reporter: they've hit the road to the outskirts of town. toward a small secluded camp. preston left his wife, megan, at home because this we! >> it's so good to see you. >> to be able to connect from one man to another with no facade, with no, you know,

nothing holding back, it's just amazing. >> reporter: part summer camp bonding, part therapeutic peer counseling, this 48-hour retreat is called journey into manhood. >> take a deep breath. let it out. >> reporter: the purpose of the weekend is to help men like preston overcome what they call unwanted same-sex attraction. >> you walk into a room with these men and all a sudden they know more about you than people your whole life have known about you. >> reporter: for the next two nights, the men will bunk together here. >> i'll be on the bottom bunk here. this will be my spot. >> for some people, gay is never going to work. that kind of life, that way of living, is just not going to gel ever with their value system. >> i am powerful over what i think and what i do. >> reporter: david matheson is a licensed counselor. rich wiler calls himself a life coach. together they founded the retreat in 2002. this is the first time they've allowed cameras inside their controversial organization.

all but a few of the men asked us not to show their faces. >> i want you to identify someone you felt an attraction to recently that you need to process. >> what are the stories you're telling yourself about him? >> if god was in human form at that moment, it would have been this guy. >> can you allow yourself to not hate those feelings? >> i want to grieve the fact that i feel things i don't want to feel. it's like a war is going on inside and i can't stop it. >> journey into manhood changed my life. i learned that i really could change. >> reporter: journey into manhood is part of wiler's outreach organization called "people can change." which is built on the nonscientific premise that people can actually change their sexual orientation if they just work at it. >> it's just a wonderful place to be. >> reporter: preston, who requested we only use his first name, says he was interested in boys from an early age. tell me when you first remember struggling with an attraction to men. >> probably be about age 12.

it wasn't a struggle prior to that until i learned from other people and was shamed into thinking it was a problem. >> reporter: raised a devout mormon, he feared his family would reject him so he kept his feelings a secret. when were you first sexually with another man? >> um, i was 23. it used to be a very, very, very difficult and very shaming and quote/unquote disgusting part of my life. >> reporter: at 25, preston married a woman but was still privately struggling with attractions to men. he says a buddy told him about journey into manhood and he decided to give it a shot. that was three years ago. >> it's been life changing. it's been a whole new take on life. it's been absolutely miraculous for me personally. >> reporter: this particular weekend is a reunion. all of these men have attended journey into manhood before. most of them are religious, married to women and some have

children. >> was there a time when you took on an identity as gay or straight -- >> reporter: journey into manhood is an intensive 48 hours of what wiler calls deep emotional work. >> go ahead and start to take off those that you've already discarded prior to coming here this weekend. >> reporter: in this exercise, the men are to confront identities from their past. next, they are encouraged to find new labels that describe the man they aspire to be. >> you feel this strength of that man. you know who you are. the shadow, it's still there, but it's shrunk in the daylight of the noonday sun. it is who you are. it is who you are becoming. it is who you are called to be. welcome that into your life. >> reporter: the exercise is one of many that's meant to build up a sense of masculine self-confidence. >> i was gay identified for a

short time. i identified myself as bisexual for a short time. i was very, very conflicted. but absolutely identify myself as straight today. feel straight. behave straight. >> dad, father. >> oh. >> reporter: outside the cabin -- >> bring the man with you. >> bring the man with you. >> reporter: -- active tees are used to teach metaphorical lessons. >> to guide us and show us. >> oh, man. >> wow! >> reporter: what in the world does being blindfolded and running around, what does that have to do with shaking your attraction for men? >> it's the underlying issue of what are my fears? how am i afraid of other men? how am i not showing up as being truthful in my life? >> whoa! >> reporter: later, back at the cabin, it's time for each man to

get in touch with his inner child. >> back to some of your earliest memories. invite the pictures, the images. invite the feelings. welcome that little boy's energy now. ♪ spider climbed up the water spout ♪ part of that little boy is still in you today. welcome him. draw a picture of him. >> reporter: the exercise hinges upon their basic theory of what causes same-sex attraction. at some point in childhood, a man suffers a trauma that pulls him away from male figures. because of this loss, he yearns for male love and starts to seek it out sexually. >> it's not about suppressing my same-sex attraction. it's about fulfilling it in nonsexual, gender-affirming ways. >> reporter: rich claims the key

to changing is fulfilling these needs for male attention in nonsexual ways. close relationships. plutonic male bonding. some people are going to watch this and say, is this guy a therapist? the answer is no. is this guy a psychologist? the answer is no. how do you know what you're talking about? >> because i lived it. i find the psychological community pretty much abandoned people like me. >> the american psychiatric association's position since 1973, almost 40 years now, is homosexuality is not a mental disorder. it is not something that requires psychological treatment. >> reporter: doctors like jack drescher says change therapy is not legitimate from a clinical standpoint and warn it can be harmful. >> many people report they feel depressed, suicidal, anxious, hopeless. those are not uncommon responses. >> this is a metaphor for life. in life, you find that these are things that stop you, just like these guys physically are going to stop you. >> reporter: despite its

critics, preston says the therapy has helped a lot with his marriage. but you're still attracted sexually to men? >> um, sometimes. sometimes. i feel a significant diminishment in that attraction. it is without a doubt much more of an emotional attraction than it is a sexual one now. >> visualize life on the other side of this. >> reporter: but the question remains, can preston be a husband and a lover to his wife? >> just push right into it. listen to the voices. listen to the voices. >> reporter: that when we come back. first is live video chat on the go. so you can be face-to-face even when you can't be. whether you're on 4g, 3g... and of course wi-fi. first lets you stream live video to the web. in 3...2... 1. what will you do first with evo, the first 4g phone?

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and so we return now to our inside look at something called journey into manhood, a retreat that claims it can help men alter their feelings of sexual attraction to other men. offering so-called solutions to homosexuality can be found across the internet. they're not only controversial, as we've seen, they could be dangerous, former participants tell us. here's ryan owens. >> thank you for -- >> it's yours. >> all right, honor this man, honor this man. >> reporter: how difficult is it to maintain a marriage when you still have feelings toward men? >> i wouldn't say it's difficult. it's actually -- it's an adventure. >> reporter: are you sexually attracted to your wife? >> now, yes. there is a spark of attraction before. but now, absolutely.

>> reporter: but you had to work on that? >> not specifically on that. i had to work on my own sense of masculinity. >> you felt what you wanted and you made it your reality. >> reporter: preston admits he occasionally is still attracted to men. >> as a man among men, i know. if i don't stay focused on what i want to become, i am going to become stuck. i'm going to stay stuck. and then i turn to the homosexual behavior. >> you see warriors on horses. you see spears. you see swords. you see the king. >> reporter: preston insists the retreats have changed him. >> as the king comes closer, you feel the thrill and the shutter of being in the presence of this mighty being. >> reporter: some people will say, here's a guy who is gay. >> uh-huh. >> reporter: and who is doing everything he cannot to be what he is and that there's this

internal struggle going on that's completely unnecessary. >> so, i would invite that individual to come and experience the weekend. like, come and experience change. >> reporter: but some former campers we spoke with said they had very negative experiences. 23-year-old ben unger grew up in an orthodox jewish community in brooklyn. in 2008, he attended a journey into manhood weekend in virginia led by rich wiler. >> there was a guy on the weekend who said he didn't feel masculine enough or something and they told him to take off all his clothing and then everyone else in the room also took off all their clothing. and they just surrounded him. at one point, they suggested that i take my clothes off and i refused. >> reporter: unger says the exercises were traumatizing and completely ineffective in helping him change. ultimately, it left him worse off. >> at some points, i was

suicidal. i felt that it was my fault that i wasn't changing. >> reporter: 21-year-old haim levin was also desperate for him when he attended two journey into manhood weekends in 2007 and 2008. he describes a degree of touching and cuddling that we did not see the weekend we were permitted to film. you were supposed to choose someone in the group to hold you like a child and he was supposed to, like, represent the child image inside of you. >> reporter: we offered rich wiler the opportunity to reto the allegations on camera. but he refused to grant us a second interview. instead, he issued this statement, saying that they do offer nonsexual father/son-style holding, though it is completely optional, fully supervised, done in a group setting, with clearly taught guidelines. as we've never seen any inappropriate touch on a journey into manhood weekend. unger and levin are now both

openly gay and have strong warnings for young people considering this therapy. >> don't feel desperate to go to these organizations. there's also the option of being truthful with yourself and being a happy person. without feeling there's something wrong with you. >> reporter: but supporters of this so-called therapy point to young men like preston and to his wife megan. we visited them in utah several weeks after we first met preston at camp. right or wrong, the question everybody's going to want answered is how is your sex life? >> great. i will be honest with that. it's wonderful. >> reporter: preston admits that he still does sometimes feel attracted to men. do you ever catch him checking a guy out? >> i do. i've actually been quite honest. but i prefer to see him do it than to have him try to keep a secret. because, like, if we're driving down the road, i would rather see him do a full-on look at the guy next to us than keep trying to sneak a peek. >> reporter: so do you both look at the same guy sometimes? >> uh-huh.

we have very different tastes. >> reporter: preston's therapy work is more important than ever after the couple received this news. >> she's pregnant and we're really excited about it. what an opportunity and what a blessing. >> reporter: preston will soon be a father. one of the things he's wanted his entire life. whether he can achieve his other goal, that journey, he's the first to admit, is still under way. i'm ryan owens for "nightline" in salt lake city. >> well, good luck to him and to his family. thanks to ryan owens for that report. when we come back, president obama in india. that's the subject of tonight's closing argument. but first, here's jimmy. >> tonight, adam carolla is here, neil diamond, the president dodges monkeys. i inherited my father's '69 norton commando.

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