Skip to main content

tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  November 9, 2010 12:05am-1:05am PST

12:05 am
and it's time for tonight's "closing argument." as he wrapped up his three-day
12:06 am
trip to india, president obama called the relationship between the united states and that country, quote, the defining partnership of the 21st century. for many american, the nature of this partnership is unclear. high unemployment in america has renewed complaints that outsourcing to countries such as india hurts american workers. tonight, we thought we'd ask you, how important is it to protect the access of u.s. companies to cheap indian labor? or do you think outsourcing work for america hurts this country? tell us what you think on the "nightline" facebook page or on the "nightline" page at abcnews.com. for all of us, good night, everyone. >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with my uncle frank and an important message from applebee's neighborhood grill & bar. in honor of veterans day, this thursday, november 11th, applebee's is treating vets and active military to a free entree from a special menu of applebee's favorites, including
12:07 am
their 7 ounce house sirloin. it's a small token of thanks to the men and women who've served and are currently serving our country -- veterans like you uncle frank. tell us about your war experience. ? i was stationed outside, south korea, and the war was going on in the north and the orders came through for me to go up north. they signed a truce. everybody was waiting. no more war. >> jimmy: so you're saying you personally brought an end to the korean war? >> well, could it be a coincidence, because i was going up, all a sudden, i heard -- trying to get them to sign a truce, they never signed a truce. i got the orders to go and they say, the truce is signed. >> jimmy: there you say it. >> no war. >> jimmy: no war. we're going to make that into a movie. and by the way not only is november 11th veteran's day it's also a special someone's birthday that day. >> whose birthday, jim, whose birthday? >> jimmy: yours. >> applebee's invites all veterans and active military to come in this thursday, november 11th, for a free entree as our way of saying thank you for your service to our country.
12:08 am
♪ >> jimmy: back in two minutes with neil diamond and adam carol carolla. [ telephone ringing in distance ] [ male announcer ] movies just got more awesome. download and watch them on the go at 4g speeds. with the epic 4g, the smartphone ranked number 1 by pcworld. deaf, hard-of-hearing and people with speech disabilities, access www.sprintrelay.com. you could switch for great gas mileage or seats that flip and fold with one hand. you could switch for up to 600 highway miles on a single tank of gas. or the hundred-thousand mile powertrain warranty. over a thousand people a day are switching to chevy. they're not just trading in, they're trading up. qualified lessees can get low mileage lease on this 2011 malibu ls for around one ninety-nine a month,
12:09 am
a consumers digest best buy. call for details.
12:10 am
>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- adam carolla. and neil diamond. with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's jimmy kimmel live and now, i've been inclined to believe, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
12:11 am
>> jimmy: thank you. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. today is one of my favorite days of the year. it's a monday after daylight savings time ends. i like it when the clocks go back because it feels like you get an extra hour. you know how i spent my extra hour? i spent it setting 11 different clocks back. [ laughter ] some people question the need for daylight saving time. but most people like it. i mean, at this point, daylight is the only savings most americans still have. [ laughter ] daylight saving time. i looked it up today. it's an idea benjamin franklin came up with during a time when people used candles for light and wanted to save money. now we don't use candles. we have tanning booths instead. but the earlier daylight is still important to farmers and toddlers who need to wake up early to empty all of their stuffed animals on to the floor and throw things for no reason.
12:12 am
the toddlers, not the farmers. so now it will get darker sooner. the nocturnal animals start to come out earlier. so be on the lookout for skunk, raccoons and snookis, everybody. i'm no benjamin franklin but i think i have a daylight saving caliber holiday on my hands. national unfriend day is next wednesday, november 17. this is something i've devised. it's dedicated to getting rid of facebook friends who aren't really your friends. [ laughter ] in real life -- [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] -- you have, maybe -- you have maybe ten real friend. the other 290 are people you didn't like enough in high school to stay in touch with physically so -- but now with facebook you get every detail their lives. you get every detail of their kid's lives, their pet's live, 24 hours a day. you know those horrible family update mailers people send around the holidays? it's like getting one of those every two hours. think about this if you have 300 facebook friends and spend 3 minutes a week on each one of
12:13 am
them, that's 15 hours a week. that's a part-time job. [ laughter ] and instead of money you get paid in kitten videos. so people seem to think to be sparking to the idea of the unfriend movement. some people have already dumped lots of unwanted friends. i'd like everyone to do it on november 17th. but it's okay if you do it in advance. i've been getting a lot of questions and messages about this on twitter. here's a question from someone named space bat whole says, hey, jimmy, i have a few friends on facebook who are cute girls who post sexy pictures. do i have to unfriend them too? the answer is no you do not. if your twitter name is space battle, i'm going to assume that those sexy pictures are all you've got. [ laughter ] you don't have to be ridiculous. just get rid of the people -- plus plus [ applause ] you don't have interest in. today, on the topic of daylight saving time. rebecca says, my tummy's growling so bad.
12:14 am
it's all messed up from daylight savings time. i guess she ate a clock or something. i i don't know. makes no sense. you're unfriended. bam. here's another one. danny says, ooooookkk, or oookkk, i'm not sure. just woke up. it's hella early. any suggestions? y yeah, stop bothering us with nonsense. we can't come up with ideas of you to do today. you're unfriended. you see how much fun that is? [ applause ] so we want you to do that. one area of my campaign is not going as well as i'd hoped. when i announced national unfriend day last week, aka, nud, for short. focusing on a young lady named gina. this a person who posts updates about every -- four seconds. so i asked people to unfriend
12:15 am
her. unfortunately, instead of reducing her number of friends, i've now tripled her number of friends. she now has more than 1,400 friends. and i'm beginning to gina hate her because she loves this. let's try something new. today, everybody friend gina. she's great. i can't live my life without knowing what flavor of coffee she likes and what exercise class she doesn't feel like going to today. so try that. this is how betty white wound up hosting "saturday night live" i think. it could happen. i have a different strategy now when it comes to gina lavato that i hope works better than the last one. >> gina lovato is a friendly woman with a friendly face. but gina lovato is not your friend. would a friend bother you with unanswerable questions? like laundry or ashton? would you be friends with someone who uses the word holler in 90% of her status updates?
12:16 am
on november 17th, send gina lovato a message to quit sending you messages. >> i'm john mccain and i approve this message. >> jimmy: that's right, i got the big guns out on this. [ cheers and applause ] overall, i'm very pleased with the positive response to national unfriend day. i feel like i'm going to make some lifelong unfriendships out of this thing. i know some of you are concerned about hurting other people's feelings. that's why we're all doing it as much. it won't hurt as much if it's mass action. if some kid from high school came up to you on the street and started following you around and making comments and never, ever leaving you alone, at some point you'd have to take this person aside for a chat, right? that's all this is. the chat. [ laughter ] for more on national unfriend day, here's actor danny mcbride. ♪ >> hello. i'm danny mcbride. i'd like to tell you where you can put your friendship. you can put it deep inside of
12:17 am
your own backside, very deep. like chilean miner deep. happy unfriend day. >> jimmy: thank you, danny. that's a guy you'd keep on your friend list. [ applause ] speaking of the chilean miners, one of them ran the new york city marathon yesterday. it's an ethiopian man won and -- i was rooting for the somaens so i don't care who won. a guy named edison pena. he's the guy who ran in place for the equivalent of six miles a day while trapped in the mine. he's also known for being an elvis lover and impersonator. i'm guessing that means he was voted most likely to be eaten first by the tribe. he went to new york and finished the race. which -- big deal, i finished two marathons yesterday, "golden girls" and "roseanne," back to
12:18 am
back, no break. his accomplishment was significant too. here's pena finishing the marathon. >> the scene just moments ago as he finished in central park. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: some people are destined to be inside the earth and edison is one of them i guess. there was one winner of the $129 million powerball jackpot on saturday. no one knows who it is yet. the ticket was purchase ed at a adult video store in highland park, michigan. that's going to be a fun conversation with this guy's wife. honey, i got good news and bad news. good news, we won $129 million. bad news is, you're now married to the porn shop lotto guy. $129 million would buy a lot of hand lotion though. he bought the ticket by mistake.
12:19 am
he was actually there to rent a video called "power ball" and somehow -- i can't wait to see this guy. [ applause ] it's got to be a guy. interesting fact, did you know, no attractive person has ever won the lottery? [ laughter ] it's true. president obama was in india today. the president is touring asia making trade deals. he signed a pack with india this afternoon. he brokered a deal to make india part of the u.n. security council. and he was able to get a $15 late fee reversed on his visa card. it makes more of an impact when you visit them in person. the president fortunately was not attacked by monkeys. the indian government has been very concerned about monkeys. they hired extra monkey catchers ahead of obama's visit because they didn't want to be embarrassed around the world. they had a whole story today on "today" show about it. >> security forces have been on primate alert. tens of thousands of them have
12:20 am
overrun huge swaths of the city. entire neighborhoods have been terrorized. now, the monkeys are adapting rather too well to urban life. the police determined this visit by the world's most powerful man isn't upstaged by a bunch of monkeys. >> jimmy: that's how they say "welcome to india" in monkey. this is a video a friend sent me. this is from youtube. very cute little boy whose backpack was stolen so he decided to make a video asking for help. >> um, some dude stole my backpack from the car and i don't know why somebody would do that, and it's really frustrating to me, and, and it had these superheroes on it. ironman. and thor. and wolverine. and spider-man.
12:21 am
and it had some of my halloween candy in it. and my psp. and i really want it back. so could you please tell some people and tell people to look on the floor please? all right. i'm done, dad. >> jimmy: all right. well -- so people can look on the -- you hate to see this kind of thing happen. we got in touch with the boy. his name is kai. kai joins us now through the miracle of the internet. hi, kai, how are you? >> good. >> jimmy: everyone is cheering for you here. we're sorry you had your backpack stolen. do you know who stole it? >> no. >> jimmy: you have no idea? >> right. >> jimmy: you said in the video that some dude stole it. are you sure it was a man? >> no. >> jimmy: you're not sure.
12:22 am
yeah, it could have been a woman, right? >> um, maybe. >> jimmy: maybe. but probably not. right. and, kai, what superheros were on the backpack? tell us again. >> ironman. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and spider-man. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and thor. >> jimmy: yeah. >> wolverine. >> jimmy: well, i wanted to find your backpack for you so i called a very special friend, a guy i know, a friend whose name is spider-man. [ cheers and applause ] >> hi, spider-man. >> jimmy: spider-man, say hello to kai. >> hi, kai, how are you? >> good. >> jimmy: now, kai, spider-man was too tired from heeating to find your backpack but we sent something to your dad to replace it. i think your dad is going to give it to you right now.
12:23 am
there you go. that's -- now go ahead and open that up. and we couldn't get thor and wolverine on there but we got spider-man. do you like that backpack? >> thanks. >> jimmy: you're welcome. he said thanks. all right. and he's looking through it. tell us what's in there. kai? >> here you go. >> jimmy: we also got you a nerf gun so no criminals will ever bother you again. >> thanks. >> jimmy: kai, we put a psp in there and candy in there and video games. and thanks to your dad, too. and kai if anyone steals this backpack, they're going to burn in hell. [ laughter ] >> right. >> jimmy: right, very good. thank you, kai. >> thank you, jimmy. >> jimmy: spider-man. you've done it again.
12:24 am
>> you're welcome. >> jimmy: stay in this tonight, will you? what a night for eyebrows. neil diamond is here. we'll be right back with adam carolla so stick around. [ coughing ] [ male announcer ] got a cold? [ sniffles ] [ male announcer ] not sure what to take? now click on the robitussin relief finder at robitussin.com. click on your symptoms. get the right relief. ♪ makes the cold aisle easy. ♪ the robitussin relief finder. it's that simple.
12:25 am
everything we've learned,inder. has come down to this... the next generation of macbooks. as the towel used to dry them. so why use the same hand towel over and over instead of a clean, fresh one every time? kleenex® brand hand towels. a clean, fresh towel every time.
12:26 am
12:27 am
12:28 am
>> jimmy: hi there. welcome back. with us tonight, one of my favorites, one of america's favorites. he has a new album of cover songs out now. it's called "dreams." the great neil diamond from the bud light stage. neil brought a sword with him tonight. i'm not sure exactly what he's planned to do with it, but i always get a little nervous when the guests bring swords. [ laughter ] tomorrow night, from "private practice," kate walsh, along with the latest castoff from "dancing with the stars." still to come, danica patrick,
12:29 am
music from blake shelton, and edward sharp and the magnetic zeros. join us all this week. our first guest is the number one podcaster in, i think the world, unless the chinese are up to something again. he has defied all reason and written a book, with words in it and everything, it's called "in 50 years, we'll all be chicks." pease welcome literary sensation adam carolla! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you for coming. >> thank you. >> jimmy: should i say shalom, thank you for being here, rabbi? >> no, i brought it out because -- i don't know if you are experiencing this, but i'm getting hot flashes. i think i'm experiencing
12:30 am
manopause. i do. i'm irritable. i'm bloated. i no longer when i have sex with myself -- >> jimmy: really? that concerns me. really worries me. >> it's what you call a marker. >> jimmy: i have to say, you're up to all sorts of unexpected things like writing a book. i believe it was you who called the library the devil's works p workshop, wasn't it? >> well, i just thank that words poison the mind, jimmy. >> jimmy: i really -- i don't know that we can express to people how unlikely it is that you would be the author of a book that's selling very well, right? >> yeah. it would be like if a double amputee came out with a line of tennis shoes. really. it's really -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> -- what it would be like. >> jimmy: and people ate 'em up. >> air chair. i don't know. >> jimmy: how is the book doing specifically? do you know? do you get results? >> well, it's exciting. and so what you do is your book -- my book came out on
12:31 am
tuesday, last tuesday. so i immediately went to amazon to see how it was doing. they all a little ranking thing. and first thing wednesday morning i went on to amazon and it was like, ooh, five star reviews and it was up in the top 20 of amazon. and i scrolled down. and i never felt better about myself. and then i saw the little thing at the bottom that said, 15 new books for sale, four used. and i thought, it hasn't been 24 hours! how does this work? >> jimmy: it's a quick read. >> the u.p.s. guy drops it off and you go, hold on, hold on. all right. take it back. >> jimmy: how does that work? >> i don't -- [ applause ] i don't know how -- and by the way, what's the business model? the book is $12. what does amazon, give you a buck 50 back when you hand it back? >> jimmy: i don't know. >> and the used ones are like 50 cents cheaper than the new ones so you get one that's covered
12:32 am
with sars and save 45 cents? >> jimmy: you have to have low self-esteem. >> where's my camera, jimmy? >> jimmy: they're all yours. >> okay. listen, i bought all of those used books and i did a little dna swatch on it. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> and i got a friend who works for the fbi so i can find you, people, now. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> yes, i'm going to hunt down all the people who gave my book back as used. >> jimmy: that would make a hell of a retillality show for you. book hunters. when you're out on these publicity tours, you have to go to all these cities. i know you're very tired. you don't like -- anything really. >> right, right. >> jimmy: you're kids, you have twins, a boy and a girl. do they miss -- do they notice that daddy's gone? >> they notice that the guy who buys all the crap is gone. yeah. >> jimmy: they do? >> and every night in between shows, i put 'em -- i got on the phone with them to tell them i love them to tuck them in before
12:33 am
i go back out and they just have a laundry list of crap they want me to bre baing back to them. the rapunzel doll. they launch on to a list. >> jimmy: they think you're santa claus now. >> i'm not a dad, i'm someone who mules toys in from other cities. and the problem is i make a lot of promises i can't keep because i'm tired, i'm on the road, and, you know, one airport to the next. and so i end up getting to the airport. like, i showed up one time, i got my daughter a ball point pen with a panda bear on top of it. and my son a mug that said newark airport on it. and they're both, like, come on, old man this blows. and, you know, oh, come on, cool coloring book called "the sky mall." it's awesome. >> jimmy: they didn't like it? >> no. you walk through these airports. you see 15 yogurt joints and 20 tex mex joints.
12:34 am
how about one place at the airport just called loser dad? where all the dads who are road weary who couldn't swing by the toy r us before we got on the plane will walk in and be, how much for the dora the explorer back back? and the guy will be like, $1,300. and he'll be like -- it would be like a place selling ply wood after katrina, you know what i mean? just go ahead and gouge the crap. all the loser dads. they do it. they're out on business. they're make money. >> jimmy: have you considered packing toys with you before you leave for the trip and then just bringing them back to the kids? >> no! that sounds like a horrid idea. >> jimmy: one of the things i enjoy about the book is that many of the stories are about the two of us. >> sure. >> jimmy: and our youth -- i guess it wasn't really youth but it seemed like it. including the story -- you told the story of our flight right after 9/11 which i thought it would be fun if you shared with
12:35 am
our viewers. >> well, we had to go to new york to do the hugh hefner roast for comedy central which took place, sadly, just about six, seven days after 9/11 occurred, right? >> jimmy: correct, yeah. >> and we were -- we were honoring our commitment. and we were going to hop on a flight and head to new york city to do this gig. and the whole time we're going to the airport, jimmy said, we're going to flay first class means we're going to be up front in the plane. and jimmy said, listen, any terrorists try any crap on this flight, they're getting an elbow to the stern numb. like, my head is going to be on a swivel. >> jimmy: really, in fairness to me, i was -- i have no fighting ability so i was trying to encourage you to lead the charge of fighting the terrorists, if there's any trouble. >> you explained to me -- >> jimmy: but i was going to be with you. i was going to jump on them. and i was not joking about this. >> kimmel said, i will be standing in the aisle like ray
12:36 am
lewis in a short yardage situation. head on a swivel. >> jimmy: if we see any sign of anything. >> i see a guy with a mustache. >> jimmy: he's going down. >> and, listen, and i remember it like -- and so i said, all right, good, jimmy's proud american, he's feeling confident about this. as we were taxiing out, taxiing out, we had not yet left the ground. as we're taxiing out, i turned to jimmy to ask him about a stewardess or something. fast asleep. drool coming down. mouth -- sawing logs. i don't know if it was part of the lull 'em to sleep ploy that you're trying to trick al qaeda into thinking that you nodded off. but literally passed out. we're pushing away from the gate. the plane was moving backwards, jimmy, and you were passed out. trough of drool underneath you. >> jimmy: yeah, well, what are you gonna do? i'm no hero. i don't know what to tell you.
12:37 am
you brought a video along. i don't know what this is. >> i saw the kid -- i'll set it up -- who lost a backpack on youtube a couple days back too. i lost a backpack as well. i'm not saying you need to replace it or its contents. but if somebody watching -- maybe conan or another talk show host or something like that -- >> jimmy: is he back? >> i don't know but i'm saying if there's somebody out there who would like to make me whole again this is what's in it. >> so i lost a backpack. it was orange. you'll know it's mine because inside it was my sunglasses, my chapstick, a starbucks gift card. also, i had the mack book airbrushed titanium, the 13 inch, big one, box set of swedish erotica best of blueray. also, rolex, submariner watch.
12:38 am
i had the stainless steel and the gold one. also, a viking, six burner stove with the griddle in it, 5,000 btu, pro series. also, i had a sharpie. and a 2010 scutero red with the 20 inch smoke chrome rims pro rally series tires on there. interior was black on black with a suede headliner. and there was a prostitute in the passenger seat. i prefer -- she was blonde. and, you know, that's -- did i mention chapstick? okay, chapstick. cherry. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, yes, i hope you get that stuff. that's a good sized backpack. >> it's a decent size. multizipper. >> jimmy: his book is called "in
12:39 am
fifty years, we'll all be chicks." he knows because he was on "dancing with the stars." he'll be signing copies of the book at the barnes & noble at the grove here in los angeles this saturday afternoon at 3:00. hey, that's my birthday. we'll be right back with neil diamond. how new is the new edge with myford touch? well you could never do this before. or this. or this. you definitely couldn't do this. play kate's mix. or this. temperature, 72 degrees. say hello to the new edge with myford touch.™ quite possibly the world's smartest crossover.
12:40 am
they've done a great job caring for their teeth. that's why there's a rinse like crest pro health complete. it's a more complete way to a better dental check-up. giving you a clean, healthy mouth. new crest pro health complete rinse.
12:41 am
what do they want? in order to save our civilization, we must schmeplicate with the male of your species. in exchange, we offer this... schmeplicate? bud light? [ buzzes ] here we go! i'm doing it... for all of us. [ male announcer ] it's the sure sign of a good time. the just-right taste of bud light. [ woman #1 ] the guys are gone. here we go. whoooohoo! whoooohoo! whoooohoo!
12:42 am
12:43 am
>> jimmy: hi there, welcome back. our next guest has the power to make women swoon and little boys take a ride across the moon. his songs have been covered by the likes of elvis presley, johnny cash, the monkees, ub40, frank sinatra and even liberace. you can hear him sing some of his favorite songs by others on the new album "dreams." please welcome the one and only neil diamond! [ cheers and applause ]
12:44 am
you look great. it's good to see you. >> thank you so much. >> jimmy: congratulations on your nomination to be inducted into the rock and roll hall of fame. [ applause ] long overdue. >> i feel great about it. i don't know if i'm going to get in. but for the next six weeks, i'm a hero, you know? >> jimmy: you better get in. do they nominate people and then say, oh, no, you didn't get in? >> they do. it's like a competition. somebody has to vote on it. >> jimmy: really? >> see if you get in, but you never know. >> jimmy: wow. >> but i'll keep my fingers crossed. right now, i feel like a winner. >> jimmy: you should get in, you absolutely should. [ applause ] have you had any thoughts -- somebody gives a speech inducting you into the hall of fame. have you given thought about who that person might be? >> i thought about it a little bit. i don't want to because, you
12:45 am
any, i don't want to jinx myself. >> jimmy: i'm available is what i'm saying, if you would like -- >> i would -- >> jimmy: i'd be more than happy. >> if i get in, i'll write them a letter and ask if you could possibly do it. >> jimmy: i think you get to decide who does it. are you passing this off on them? [ laughter ] just think about it for a while. >> okay. >> jimmy: i'm sure you have many wonderful choices but i guarantee none will do as mediocre a job as i would. >> no, you're great, you're wonderful. >> jimmy: thank you. it's great to see you. this album, you're covering -- people i think some of the younger people don't realize many -- besides your songs, you wrote songs for many artists, including "i'm a believer." it's your song that the monkeys covered. which you now have covered your own song. which technically i don't think is covering. >> it might not even be legal. >> jimmy: yeah, i know. >> but i did it. i did it a different way. it's not the way it was originally written.
12:46 am
but at this point in my life, i can't do it like, you know, the monkeys did it. >> jimmy: you shouldn't do it like the monkeys did it anyway. >> if they do it like i did it, so i get i'm stuck doing it the way they did it but now i'm doing it the way i want to do it now. so i don't know. i like it. >> jimmy: yeah. >> people seem to like it. >> jimmy: it's fun to hear a different version. >> it is. >> jimmy: you cove ared two songs paul mccartney wrote on the album. >> two songs by lennon/mccartney. "blackbird" and "yesterday." [ applause ] great songs. >> jimmy: how does that work? like, do you call paul mack considerate mccartney? does he know you covered these songs? >> i actually sent him copies of the records before they came out. as i did to each of the artists on the album. just because i know it feels good if you're a writer or if you're an artist and somebody cover yours record, you want to hear it. so i sent a couple to paul. and i was in england last week
12:47 am
and i happened to be doing the same television show as he did and he kind of seideled up to me and he said, so, you cut "blackbird" and "yesterday," that's interesting. and i said, yeah, i was trying to save those songs from obscurity. and he kind of chuckled. and -- but he liked the idea. and i'm glad i did them. they're wonderful songs. >> jimmy: yeah, they sound great. and just -- i can't imagine you and paul mccartney on a television show together. it's almost like you and adam carolla being on a show together. >> that's true. week after week. but we did the show and it was fun. >> jimmy: i want to take you back to the past. because this is something i've wanted to ask you about for a very long time now. this is one of the greatest live albums. [ cheers and applause ] on the -- i guess the question i wanted to ask is what's going on in this photograph?
12:48 am
it appears that you're miamiing something. i don't know what exactly. but what's happening here? >> uh, i have no idea. i just -- i just liked it ed th picture. when i first sought picture, i said, look how much hair that guy has. i think that's great. i said, they'll be a day when you won't quite have that much hair and you'll rue this picture. but you know what, i thought, if you got it, flaunt it, and i had it -- >> jimmy: clearly, you've got it right there, flaunting it. >> that's right, that's exactly right. >> jimmy: you brought something along that concerns me. what have you there beside you? >> this is a competition saber, the same kind of saber i used to get me through nyu. >> jimmy: you were on the fencing team, right? >> i was. we competed for four years. i was lucky enough to make the starting team. we were national champions.
12:49 am
>> jimmy: wow. >> this is a saber to keep you in line, jimmy. so don't mess with me. watch what you say. >> jimmy: i would never think of it. >> okay, all right. wait, i'll try and get your tie to go up. >> jimmy: can you pop all the buttons off my shirt like in the movies? i have to say, being killed by neil diamond with a sword -- i'd be okay with dying like that, i really would. >> i wouldn't do that. this is -- it's got a rubber tip on the end. >> jimmy: i'm sure -- yeah, that will cover it just fine. rubber -- nothing more protective than rubber. >> well, that's exactly right. it's unpredictable. >> jimmy: well, thank you for being here. you're going to sing a couple songs for us? >> i'd love to. >> jimmy: that's wonderful. neil diamond. the cd is called "dreams." we'll be right back with neil diamond. he was meeting my friends for the first time. we knew the perfect place to go.
12:50 am
man: cheers, everyone. i guess i did okay. i knew they'd love him. introducing olive garden's two new sacchetti dishes. stuffed pasta pouches filled with four italian cheeses. with herb marinated chicken breasts in a garlic cream sauce. or with savory sauteed shrimp. both served with our unlimited salad and breadsticks. it was a great time. and good practice for my parents. olive garden. when you're here, you're family. the droid 2. a lightning-fast keyboard, a turbo-texting, web-jetting super you. the droid x. a 4.3-inch screen. summon movies and games at your command. now buy a droid 2 by motorola for $149.99 and get any phone free. i couldn't sleep right.
12:51 am
next day it took forever to get going. night after night, i sat up. sprayed up. took a shower... or took a pill. then i tried drug-free breathe right advanced. and instantly, i breathed better! i slept better. it felt...better. thank you, breathe right! [ male announcer ] breathe better, sleep better, feel better. now try new breathe right advanced for free... at breatheright.com. [ woman ] it's my right to breathe right. isn't it your right, too?
12:52 am
12:53 am
12:54 am
[ woman ] it's my right to breathe right. playing black ops yet? yeah. it's awesome. i got it at walmart at midnight. me too. i just stole a russian... hind attack chopper. you couldn't steal a russian attack tricycle. look you better call in some backup reinforcements, man... backup? ...because i don't go down easy. out of the vehicle. i won't be taken lightly. don't need backup... can do it all by myself. your problem is, i don't respect you because i've played you man and you got nothing on me. [ male announcer ] rated m for mature. get call of duty: black ops at 12:01 am nov. 9th. the best way to play is xbox 360. the fastest way to play is walmart. save money. live better. walmart. the fastest way to play is walmart. i'm a member of this hotel'sre loyalty program.ce. well, how far away is it?
12:55 am
okay, we take a train 40 miles to a dude ranch where we pick up a couple of horses that we ride to a nearby river. then we canoe upstream to a helicopr that takes us to the conference. or we could book with hotels.com and stay closer. see, with welcomerewards, no matter where you accumulate 10 nights, you get a free one. huh. smarter. [ male announcer ] accumulate 10 nights and get a night free. welcomerewards from hotels.com. smart. so smart. looif i'll finally get the can fecoverage my family deserves. if it's something we can afford. to steer clear of the confusion, go to metlife.com in less than 5 minutes, you'll get straight answers. like how much life insurance you really need and how much it costs. so, no matter where you end up buying, you'll make the best decision for your family. get guarantees for the if in life. from metlife. call 1-888-metlife for your free quote with no pressure or obligation.
12:56 am
♪ and love ♪ such a silly game we play ♪ oh, like a summer's day in may ♪ ♪ what is love? ♪ what is love? ♪ i just want you to be loved ♪ oh-oh-oh, oh-oh
12:57 am
12:58 am
gxgx÷i÷i÷i÷i÷i÷i÷i÷ioxox ah, that's our new pastrami are we tgrilled sandwich. oh, great. hey, are they happy we got rid of the rye bread? totally. they love our grilled artisan bread. they say it's the perfect compliment to the classic hot pastrami, melting cheese, deli mustard and pickles. awesome. hey, um what are we testing in that room? oh! nothing we were just hazin' the intern. >> jimmy: this is his new album called "dreams." here with the song "ain't no sunshine," neil diamond! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
12:59 am
♪ ain't no sunshine when she's gone it's not warm when she's away ♪ ♪ ain't no sunshine when she's gone and she's always gone to long ♪ ♪ any time she goes away i wonder this time where she's gone ♪ ♪ wonder if she's gone to stay ain't no sunshine when she's gone ♪ ♪ and this house just ain't no home anytime she goes away ♪ ♪ and i know i know i know i know i know ♪ ♪ i know i know i know i know ♪ ♪ i know i know i know yeah ♪ ♪ i've got to leave
1:00 am
that girl alone cuz' ain't no sunshine when she's gone ♪ ♪ only darkness every day ain't no sunshine when she's gone ♪ ♪ and this house just ain't no home anytime she goes away ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ wonder this time where she's gone wonder if she's gone to stay ♪
1:01 am
♪ ain't no sunshine when she's gone and this house just ain't no home ♪ ♪ any time she goes away and i know ♪ ♪ i know i know i know i know ♪ ♪ i know i know i know i know ♪ ♪ i know i know i know yeah ♪ ♪ i got to leave the young girl alone cuz' ain't no sunshine when she's gone ♪ ♪ it's not warm when she's away ain't no sunshine when she's gone ♪ ♪ and she's always gone to long any time she goes away ♪ ♪ any time she goes away any time she goes away ♪
1:02 am
eeeeeen soldiers]
1:03 am
1:04 am
>> jimmy: i want to thank adam. i want to apologize to matt damon, we ran out of

241 Views

1 Favorite

info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on