"closing arguments." president obama today announced a two-year pay freeze for federal employees as a measure to combat the deficit. the move, which excludes uniformed military personnel, would save the government $60 billion over ten years according to administration estimates. the incoming republican majority leader eric canter said the gop was, quote, pleased with the move. so tonight we wanted to ask you, do you agree with the president's proposal for this federal pay freeze? or is there a better way to trim the federal fat? we've already heard from many of you on facebook and twitter tonight. but please join our conversation. tell us what you think at the "nightline" facebook page or at the "nightline" page at abcnews.com. tomorrow night, we're going to have a "nightline" investigation into shocking conditions inside mental facilities south of the border. where the patients can be locked up and forgotten for their entire lives. >> how bad would you say the human rights violations taking place here in mexico in these mental facilities are?

>> i think frankly they're among the worst that i've ever seen any place in the world. people who look this dysfunctional really were not this dysfunctional when they came. life in the institution has led to a deterioration. >> that's tomorrow night on "nightline." our investigation. but that's our report for tonight. for cynthia mcfadden and bill weir and all of us at abc news, good night, america. >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with festive news from target. now through new year's eve, you can download their original holiday album, "the christmas gig," for free. featuring cool, contemporary artists like guster, jason schwartzman's band coconut records, blackalicious, crystal antlers and more. [ bells ]

oh, my goodness, it sounds like santa is here. >> ho, ho, ho. >> jimmy: you okay, santa? >> i said, "ho, ho, ho!" >> jimmy: santa, you're supposed to be down here. okay there you are. okay, well, are you all right, santa? santa? >> ho, ho, ho! merry christmas, jimmy kimmel! have you been naughty or nice? >> jimmy: i haven't been naughty, i've been nice. yeah. >> okay, here you go. ho, ho, ho. >> jimmy: should i open it now? oh, there's nothing in this. >> i know. ho, ho, ho. i got you a target christmas album. go to target.com to download it. >> jimmy: but that's free. you got me a gift target gives away for free? >> the best things in life are free. ho, ho, ho. merry christmas! see you next year!

>> jimmy: all right, see you next year, santa. be very careful getting up the -- hey, santa, santa? just go out the door. yeah. >> oh, oh, okay. >> jimmy: yeah. that's not a -- >> dicky: in the spirit of merriment, target is giving you the gift of music by making holiday songs available by free download on target.com/holiday album. >> jimmy: "jimmy kimmel live" is back in two minutes with david sedaris, music from nicki minaj and ben affleck. ♪ ♪ ten thousand watts of xmas cheer ♪ ♪ ten thousand watts glow brightly clear ♪ ♪ the colored lights will shine sincere, ho, ho, ho ♪ ♪ ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ♪

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>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- ben affleck. author david sedaris. and music from nicki minaj.

with cleto and the cletones! ♪ it's jimmy kimmel live and now from what i've gathered, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everyone. thank you for coming. thank you for watching. is it christmas yet? if you're a turkey or a sweet potato and you're still alive today, congratulations on making it through the weekend. i did some research over the weekend. it turns out it's not the turkey that makes you fall asleep. it's actually the result of being drunk at 4:00 in the afternoon on a thursday. i hope you had a fine

thanksgiving. i had a weird -- one of my native american friends turned into a where wolf and ate all of my vampire friends. other than that, though, it was great. this is pretty good. from a local morning show in san diego. on wednesday, they had a guy on to do turkey calls. i guess in case instead of going to the supermarket you wanted to lure one into your home. but i don't know what the reason was. watch very closely for what happened at the end here. >> one way to do a turkey call is with this gobbler and it has a little diaphragm in it that allows the air to vibrate. you should try it. >> i want to see this. >> no -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what a sport. that woman is -- she was going to make a lucky turkey very, very happy one day. just leapt right in, huh? president obama had an unusual weekend for a president anyway. on friday, he took an elbow to the face and had to get 12 stitches. he's in line at best buy trying to get a $49 blueray player.

it's black friday, gets very rough. actually, he was playing baseball. the owner of the offending elbow has been identified as the director of programs for the congressional hispanic caucus institute. sure, blame the mexicans, of course. this morning, arizona immigration officials captured him and sealed him in a pinata and rolled him over the board near knew galless so he'll have plenty of time to think about what. the president wasn't the only person who sustained a silly injury on friday. this black friday gets crazier every year. i don't know what's going on. black friday of course is the big shopping day after thanksgiving. it's really great. on thursday, we gather around the table to give thanks not for things but for people we love, truly meaningful things. then friday, we go out and stab each other to save $6.99 on nintendo ds and that, my friends, is the american way. >> a u.s. marine has a wound of

bravery. the reservist was stabbed while trying to stop a suspected black friday shop lifter. >> a dispute between two shoppers waiting in line outside a local store ends in an arrest. >>p coulds at this mall, on semilockdown. after guys started a brawl in the food court. >> shoppers who had just arrived rushed the doors, battling with those who were waiting in line for hours. >> a florida man has been arrested after police say he was packing heat while waiting in line for a black friday sale. he was holding a handgun at his hip, two concealed knives and a pepper grenade. >> jimmy: that's right. so happy birthday, jesus. [ laughter ] i don't understand. you would have to have a handgun and two knives pointed at my head to get me to line up at 5:00 a.m. to fight an old lady for an ez bake oven. but people -- one store in buffalo, they tried to calm people down by opening the doors at 4:00 a.m. but the enthusiasm was outside the door was too

much to contain. >> as people rushed in to gobble up the sale items, one of the shoppers had gotten pinned against a metal door support and then shoved from behind to the ground. he began screaming out in pain. as shoppers stepped over and around him. >> it was scary at first but, hey, i got a 42 inch flat screen tv 75% off so overall great day. merry christmas. >> jimmy: so worked out well. [ cheers and applause ] we have wily coyote writing jokes for us now. today, we have a new shopping holiday, something we now call cyber monday. it's a day to shop on the web. cyber monday isn't as much fun as black friday. you can't recreate the thrill of stepping on a fellow shopper's head online. they do have big sales. i score 48 cabbage patch kids. those are still popular, right?

i'm going to be uncle of the year for 1985, i'll tell you that. everyone today is talking about these -- the wikileaks. you know this? it's a huge trove of top secret documents were leaked online. a number of high level secrets redeveloped including terror let its, military strategies wharvegs happens on the season finale of "the real housewives of atlanta" was revealed. they all die, by the way. it's considered the biggest state department leak since henry kissinger drank a gallon of boxed rose at the white house christmas party in 1974. to henry kissinger joke. i got to start reading this stuff before i come out here. one of the biggest revelations is hillary clinton asked u.s. diplomats to spy on other country's diplomats. and if they had any extra time, to spy on her husband too. a lot of it is very gossipy. moammar gadhafi of libya apparently has a ukrainian

blonde nurse on his arm everywhere he goes and uses botox, which is fun to know. this weekend, the state department is rushing to assure their allies that i guess they didn't mean anything that they said about them behind their backs. but this is a major embarrassment for the government. because besides the classified information, which obviously was not meant to be released, they also give an idea of what we really think about these various leaders from around the world. for instance, french president nichol nicholas solas sarkozy, they cam an emperor with no clothes. not a compliment. they gave them nicknames. for instance, british prime minister david cameron is known as jny little lips. johnny little lips. the president of iraq, mahmoud ahmadinejad is known as scruffy mcwindbreaker. chinese president hu jintao, they call him i.t. guy. [ laughter ] german chancellor angela merkel is known as der wienershnizel.

kim jong-il is known as the lady who owns the korean grocery store. indian prime minister manmohan singh had two nicknames. known as either marge simpson or papa smurf. and one -- venezuelan president hugo chavez also known as mr. smelly finger. so -- but hey, angry world leaders, you should all -- in our country nicknames are a sign of affection. what did your parents call you when you were growing up, guillermo? >> gardo. >> jimmy: that means fat. that's not necessarily something you want to be called. but you loved it, right, gourdo? >> yes. >> jimmy: meanwhile, a very dangerous criminal named willie nelson is in custody. 77-year-old willie nelson arrested on board his tour bus about 85 miles east of el paso, texas. here's a pop quiz you can take at home. what was willie nelson arrested for, a, tax evasion, b, possession of marijuana, c, public urination, d, possession

of marijuana or e, b and d. b and d is the answer. he had -- allegedly had -- i personally don't -- i personally believe he was framed. this is willie's mug shot. does this look like a man who's smoking marijuana? [ laughter ] i think we now know for sure what kind of farm he's been aiding all these years. the border patrol said he was in possession of six ounces of weed. willie nelson has six ounces of weed accidentally stuck in his beard. at a certain point, don't you just go, he's willie nelson, wave him through? but thank you border patrol for keeping america safe from willie nelson and thank goodness you put an end to his multistate wave of gently singing and strumming a guitar. this could be the wake-up call he needs to turn his life around though. and let that be a lesson to all you senior stoners. there is no early bird special,

you're all going down. tonight on "skating with the stars" judge dick button had an absolutely magical moment. >> now the scores for artistic impression. laurie ann gibson. >> 7. >> johnny weir. >> 6. >> dick button. >> 8. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he's 81, what are you gonna do? they're still working out the kinks. yesterday, the houston texans beat the tennessee titans 20-0. it wasn't much of a game with the exception of a great fight in the fourth quarter. look at this. finney beg finnegan gets the first shot. johnson is going to get a couple good shots in there or bad shots if you will. >> wait a minute, that is -- that is pauley d. from "jersey shore," isn't it? what is he doing on the field? why do you need a helmet when you have hair like that?

here's another funny thing too. the bills lost to the steelers in overtime thanks primarily to a pass wide receiver steve johnson dropped in the end zone. >> first and ten. the nice block. going deep. he's got johnson. oh, he dropped the ball! that would have been the game winner! >> jimmy: so he missed the catch. after the game, latshed out on twitter at who? at god, that's right. he said, i praise you 24/7 and this how you do me. you expect me to learn from this? how? i'll never forget this ever. thanks though. [ laughter ] god tweeted back, lol and it's all good. i got news for you, god doesn't tweet. god's thumbs are too big to tweet. if god cared about you at all, he wouldn't have you playing for the bills. he just wouldn't. it's not where he puts his favorites. i guess if you thank god for a

win you have to hold him responsible for a loss. if we can go back to thanksgiving. it's becoming increasingly popular to deep fry your turkey on thanksgiving. any of you deep fry your turkey? well, it's all part of america's health kick. and it's very dangerous if the turkey is too cold. if the turkey is somewhat frozen and you put it in, you got a bomb on your hands. more than 20 million americans were killed deep frying turkeys this thanksgiving alone. it's dangerous. it's the reason there's no kft. so tonight, i thought it would be educational and even entertaining to put together a quick video compilation that might help some people to use the oven next year. >> the turkey going in now. ♪ ♪ >> bad idea. >> ow!

oh! >> whoo! >> jimmy: yeah, that's -- [ cheers and applause ] i don't know, i'm hungry. hey, we got a good show for you tonight. the great writer david sedaris is with us. nicki minaj. and we'll be right back with ben affleck so stick around. come on, kids, come inside.

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>> jimmy: hi there. welcome back. with us tonight, a very, very funny guy. his newest book is called "squirrel seeks chipmunk: a modest bestiary." david sedaris is here. then later, the first woman ever to have seven songs in the billboard hot 100 all at once. this is her debut album,

"pink friday" nicki minaj from the bud light stage. nicki was on "regis and kelly" this morning, and regis got a little grabby. >> i love the way you dress too. >> you like it? i'm glad you're wearing pink, in honor of pink friday. you're so cute, i love it. >> thank you very much. this looks like you got a little strap around you there, you know what i mean? >> regis! >> jimmy: a little -- regis and kelly are in las vegas this week. tomorrow morning, i will join them there. maybe regis will play a little grab ass with me. tomorrow night, magic johnson. from "no ordinary family," autumn reeser. and we'll have music from miguel. later this week, james franco, larry king, kate bosworth, alyson hannigan, greg fitzsimmons and music from darius rucker. join us for those shows. our first guest is one of our favorite young gentlemen. he is an academy award winner with a new movie called "the company men" opening in theaters december 10th. please welcome ben affleck! [ cheers and applause ]

how are you? >> very good. >> jimmy: i want you to know at thanksgiving dinner the only thing i thanked god for was you. [ laughter ] >> that doesn't surprise me. knowing what i know. >> jimmy: how was your thanksgiving? >> it was good. >> jimmy: you didn't notice me outside breathing on the window, a single tear -- >> you didn't notice the police? >> jimmy: who did the cooking? you have servients? how does that work? >> actually, my wife cooks. she's a great cook. it's out of consideration for her that i don't try to cook. >> jimmy: you seem nervous when you say that. is she really a great cook? >> she actually is. she's incredible. >> jimmy: she made the turkey? >> she made the turkey. the in-laws were here. that was good. >> jimmy: did you have to take them around l.a. and do that sort of thing?

>> we did with the kids, the whole thing. we went to disneyland. >> jimmy: yes, i've been there, it's wonderful. >> i'm glad -- interesting you should say that because it turns out it's a little pricey. >> jimmy: it is. >> they're not giving those ticket, away. i thought it was like a -- you know, the bears or -- >> jimmy: how many people did you have in your group? >> i really was thinking i should hit you up because you're disney/abc, don't you have some connection? i slept with this guy, shouldn't i get a bargain off this? >> jimmy: let me show you something, by the way. hold on, let me see -- oh, yeah, here -- >> i like the wallet. >> jimmy: this wallet is supposed to protect you from identity thieves. it's a magic wallet. this is my abc employee card. and take a look down in the corner here. discount type -- none. none. so i wouldn't be much help. you really have to go to barbara walters. >> i already asked the cast from

"lost." they said ask you. >> jimmy: you have a favorite ride? >> i like disneyland. it's a family vibe which i kind -- >> jimmy: you hatd disneyland, don't you? magic mountain or something? >> magic mountain, like all of a sudden you're in ultimate fighting. like guys are getting face tattoos. one ride is they kick your ass. >> jimmy: you're 100% right. weird things going on. >> i was there like in my 20s and kind of like -- guys, keep the car running. disneyland's great. tea cups, you know? >> jimmy: heavy security. and the kids love it. >> the kids do love it. the kids have a tolerance for going in circles that i don't and nauseates me. my children at 5 can already do a local more. >> jimmy: there's nothing more masculine than vomiting in front of your children in a giant pink tea cup. i'm the same way. i don't like -- we're so much the same. we should be together more. >> just makes me remember the

things that didn't work. >> jimmy: i want to -- well first of all, i want to mention "the town" is coming out on dvd. [ applause ] >> thank you very much. >> jimmy: for which i would like you to get at least three oscar nominations for this film. for real. >> you would like me to get nominated for things i didn't even do. >> jimmy: exactly. best actress. >> better joke. >> jimmy: you know, i would like to -- i think jeremy renner definitely should get nominated. [ applause ] >> i said before, great cast. we had really minimal -- >> jimmy: jon hamm was great. a great job with this movie. >> thank you very much. >> jimmy: they'll take out ads kind of -- you have remind people to vote. >> "us weekly." >> jimmy: "daily variety" magazine, an industry magazine. they put you on the cover calling your agent or something. take out an ad for it. on the inside cover, look at what that sucker is. en the inside cover.

okay? who's on the cover and who's on the inside, the inner cover? [ applause ] >> you'll notice that both those pictures -- >> jimmy: front, not front. >> we like to call that, jimmy, in our community, top, bottom. [ applause ] no, don't they, they both look -- those pictures look a little strangely meditative. >> jimmy: like you guys are waiting for the call at 5:00 in the morning to see if you're nominated. did they call? >> yeah, i look like, yeah, they called. >> jimmy: they called. yeah. so that's weird. you guys are competing against each other. that must be uncomfortable. >> not at all. you and i compete against each other all the time. >> jimmy: we do. in what way? >> just, you know -- >> jimmy: the only competition i feel is from jennifer. that's -- >> well, you should. >> jimmy: i think we've taken this far enough, haven't we? you know -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: new movie, "the

company men," finally done a movie set in boston, which is great. you know there are other places, right? if you look on the map, you'll see all sorts of city names and you can go to any of them. >> i am always trying to do movies elsewhere. rhode island, that's too far from his wheelhouse. only in boston. no, actually, just did a movie in oklahoma. >> jimmy: oh, really? that's a different place. how did that compare? >> that was great. it was kind of the opposite. everybody was really friendly. i didn't know places like this executi existed, you know what i mean? yo you leave your wallet in the store and somebody calls you. people wave. it's like this whole -- >> jimmy: people don't do that in boston? >> um -- it's a different -- they express similar feelings in different way. >> jimmy: how do they express yourselves? >> [ bleep ] left your wallet down here, your money's gone. >> jimmy: of course, that's not true.

>> just a joke on a talk show. >> jimmy: you've got some great fellow actors in this one too. great performances. kevin costner i thought played a different character, was really great in the movie. >> this movie i did actually before the kw the town." work with guys like that, taking notes, from costner and tommy lee and chris cooper. costner is talking about "dancing with wolves." >> jimmy: you mean tommy lee jones. i don't want people to think it's tommy lee from the boat with pamela anderson. you're not learning anything from him. maybe you are i don't know. >> i should be so lucky. >> jimmy: chris cooper is in "the town." >> i use the whole movie as basically an exercise into -- >> jimmy: just trying to get in good with him. >> craft service, fill that up, annoying. >> jimmy: you can't beat chris cooper. >> i really did kind of tune up for "the town" in terms of being a director, john walsh is an incredible director, learned a lot from him. it was great. as you say, it was incredible, like, legendary cast members. >> jimmy: you play a guy who

gets fired from his job. who has everything, beautiful house, family, and gets fired and loses his job, which is emmass calculating and horrible thing for anyone really. you take it particularly hard. it doesn't go well at all. >> no. >> jimmy: and they're not exactly lining up to hire you afterwards. >> no, no, it's really -- it's a story about unfortunately something that's affected -- i mean, i don't think there's anybody in the united states that hasn't been affected some way or another. many people, 30 million plus -- >> jimmy: oprah hasn't been affected at all. >> i don't think so. but, you know, a lot of people have lost their jobs and we wanted to tell the story about what that means. we identify ourselves with who we are. i'm accountant, lawyer, late-night comic. if you don't have that, i think it would be quite scary. we wanted to do justice to those feelings. it's a pretty hopeful story. >> jimmy: we have a clip here. >> the clip belies everything i just said. >> jimmy: the clip's a little bit different then the whole rest of the movie. >> i'm kind of losing it.

i can't get another job. my wife is -- i'm having to sell everything that i own. i'm frustrated by people that i go in interviews with them, they don't take me seriously. i start to implode and lose it a little bit. >> jimmy: here's the clip from "the company men." >> it looks like you worked there for 12 years. >> i did, divisional sales leader. >> well, our base salary is $65,000 a year for regional sales directors. >> i responded to an ad for the vice president of marketing. >> well, we've had a number of highly qualified occupants for that position. >> i'm a highly qualified applicant for that position. i'm a highly qualified applicant for that position. i'm sorry. must of had too many cups of coffee while i was sitting in your waiting room for two hours. thanks for your time, joyce.

just between the two of us, you can probably skip the diet cokes. >> jimmy: it's not him, he's acting. "the company men" opens december 10th. lovely to see you as always. please give my best to the family. >> i will. >> jimmy: ben affleck, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪

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this week only yeah! i thought we'd eat at hey, you ghome. save some money. $200 bucks? that's not saving! [jacks voice] at my place i'm bringing back the bonus jack. two patties, melting cheese and my secret sauce plus fries and a drink for only $3.99. i get it. you can eat a lot cheaper atouar placthan y c]n at home. but do have this? i have dessert. what about this? ohhh. ohhhhhh. jack. that's for max.

>> jimmy: later, nicki minaj will be with us. there is no writer funnier than our next guest. his new best-seller "squirrel seeks chipmunk: a modest bestiary" is both hilarious and adorable and weird. please say hello to david sedaris. [ cheers and applause ] it's great to see you. i know you've been on a book tour since, what, september, you've been touring? >> i started in late september. i think i'm going to 58 cities. >> jimmy: that's a lot of cities. you travel by airplane?

>> i go by airplane. sometimes i'm in a car. usually i'm in the airplane. >> jimmy: have you had a number of -- like a lot of people are upset or i can't really tell if people are really upset about the airports now or if cnn is upset about the airports? >> i think it was cnn. >> jimmy: you think so? >> because i -- i went to one of those things one time, those full body scanners. i think if you're extraordinary, like, if you -- if you are this big or this big, then people might notice. but anything in the middle i think they've seen. >> jimmy: you're going to go right through and you'll be all right? >> have seen so many times. so you don't -- but i wonder about people with fake things. you know, like somebody gave me a fake bottom one time because i don't have one. like a padded butt, like -- fantastic, right. but that might be a problem, if you had something like that on or -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> or fake breasts or -- i met a lesbian in canada who travels

with something in her trousers. i think it would be, again, the same thing, it would be a problem. >> jimmy: is that right? >> but i -- [ laughter ] one time i went to that full body scanner, but that was it, once. once out of 58 cities. when you watch the news, it made it seem like watch out, because you're going to have to go through it. >> jimmy: i've seen no difference. think people are getti inting agitated for no reason. do people seem annoyed to you? >> i saw a woman a few weeks ago. she started off like -- she started talking to the person would asked for i.d. so that's when i hated her because she was talking to him about -- i can't bring water through but can i bring ice? and then she starts talking about the properties of ice. she was a bridesmaid, you could just tell. it was a sunday, right. [ laughter ] so i decided, okay, i hate you because you're holding everybody up and i hate you. so then she goes through. and then the tsa guy goes, put

your liquids into a bucket. she goes, ooh, listen to bossy bosser-ten. you need to take a chill pill. he made her go through. she said no, mo, not the full body scanner. but it was one of those situations that -- you're ever in and you think, then i was confused because i didn't know who i hated more. i didn't know if i hated her more or -- the tsa officer was being kind of petty. she called him bossy bosser-ten. i mean, come on. that's just -- to make her go through all of that. because that doesn't seem fair. if you said something off i can see that. but if you didn't set anything off, seems kind of silly. >> jimmy: it's been really isolated incidents. it's not always -- there's no revolt going on in these airports? >> i haven't felt it. like i said, i've been in the airport every day. at the same time, if you watch the news, they made it sound like bed bugs are inevitable. i've been, again, 53 cities, so

at first i was checking my hotel for bed bugs. haven't seen anything. >> jimmy: can you see them? i heard on the news they're invisible. >> someone told me -- okay, you can't see them but you can see their feces. now, i don't know how that could be possible. >> jimmy: same thing with ghosts too, i understand. it's the same deal. >> that is the same deal as ghosts. >> jimmy: wow. we don't have to worry about any of this stuff. last time you were here, i think you were talking about -- you're asking people at your book signings to bring you money and then you would have -- you had spending money. from the people. >> i put a tip jar out. i like to do something. >> jimmy: do you like to request things? >> well, this trip, i been -- like i'm -- you can always get your needs met on a book tour. so like my computer broke so i brought it to the book store and i said, does anybody have this kind of computer, somebody did, and then somebody took it to the store and -- you know, i had a problem sleeping. so i offered priority signing to anyone who could give me

sleeping pillings. >> jimmy: really? >> and it was in the smallest town i went to, and i got enough to kill myself ten times over. >> jimmy: wow. that's terrific. you could really take advantage. and you turned your computer over to a stranger? >> yeah. but then i got -- i got some dental implants and they're not vanity implants, they're gum disease implants. so they -- like, i had four teeth pulled before i came on the trip. the sound of your teeth hitting the bottom of a shallow metal tray, that's what failure sounds like with teeth. they pull the teeth. then they drill into your jaw bone. they put little anchors in there and they screw new teeth into your head. my periodontist is french because i had it done in paris. he said, remember, whatever you do -- because he had a mask on and he's speaking french. so i didn't know what he said. so on this tour, i asked if anybody had implants would step forward. and tell me what that could possibly be that he didn't want me to do.

but -- so that was fascinating. because you can't really tell. >> jimmy: you didn't find out, you never bothered to find out what it was you should absolutely -- >> i got some ideas from -- >> jimmy: i guess the sleeping pills will solve everything in a pinch. >> we're lucky to live now because otherwise, like, i met someone who had all of her teeth pulled. and she just had to get those chompers, you know, like our grandmothers had. but implants, really, you can't -- >> jimmy: my grandfather, you're going to think i'm joking, but i'm not joking. when my grandmother passed away, my grandfather in a combination of great love for her and also great cheapness decided to wear her dentures for the next 12 to 15 years until he eventually died. and i believe those dentures still really side in his head. so that's love. >> that's love. >> jimmy: this book is -- it's not really about animals but animals are the characters. and they are -- i'm telling you

as if you don't know. but i'll tell you guys. it's not a children's book. just -- >> it looks like one -- >> jimmy: it looks like one. >> ian falconer did the cover. and he did those "olivia" books. >> jimmy: the fact that the animals are drinking cocktails i think should be a tip-off for parents. but -- >> well, someone described it as -- someone who interviewed me categoryized it as bedtime storied for children who drank and that sounded good to me. >> jimmy: that is good, yeah. that is good. and it's very funny, as are all of your books. now, you're going to other countries after this? this tour is not enough? you're going to grow promote the book in other lands? >> yeah, i go to other lands when i finish here. >> jimmy: you do tv talk shows in other countries? >> i'm, like, incredibly uncomfortable in television. in another country, then you always think, oh, no one's watching. so then -- [ laughter ] then i don't -- you know, then i'm kind of freed in that regard. so i did a show in the

netherlands before i came here. and the host came back to the dressing room. he said, the other guests are ten bad clowns. but they don't know they're bad so don't tell them. and so -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: like -- >> i had to go on with a secret. >> jimmy: like evil clowns? >> they were just bad clubs. >> jimmy: just not good at being clowns? >> there's one celebrated clowns in the netherlands and i guess they could kind of walk in his footsteps and do a bad job so -- >> jimmy: dutch clowns. >> dutch clowns. >> jimmy: you have a very interesting life. this book is terrific. it's called "squirrel seeks chipmunk." it's by david sedaris. we'll be right back with nicki minaj. thank you, david. [ female announcer ] monistat® asks...

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>> jimmy: her debut album is called "pink friday." here with the song "right thru me," nicki minaj. ♪ you see right through me how do you do that? ♪ ♪ how do you do that? how do you do that? ♪ ♪ how do you? how do you? how do you? how do you ♪ ♪ you let me win you let me ride you let me rock you let me slide ♪ ♪ and when they looking you let me hide

defend my honor protect my pride ♪ ♪ the good advice i always hated but looking back it made me greater ♪ ♪ you always told me forget the haters just get my money just get my weight up ♪ ♪ know when i'm lying know when i'm crying it's like you got it down to a science ♪ ♪ why am i trying? no you ain't lying i tried to fight it back with defiance ♪ ♪ you make me laugh you make me hoarse from yelling at you and gettin' at you ♪ ♪ pickin' up dishes and throwing them at you why are you speaking when no one asks you ♪ ♪ you see right through me how do you do that? ♪ ♪ how do you do that? how do you do that? ♪ ♪ how do you? how do you? how do you? how do you ♪ ♪ you see right through me how do you do that? ♪ ♪ how do you do that? how do you do that? ♪ ♪ how do you? how do you?

how do you? how do you ♪ ♪ what are we doing? could you see through me 'cause you say nicki and i say who me ♪ ♪ you say no you and i say screw you then you start dressing and you start leaving ♪ ♪ and i start crying and i start screaming the heavy breathing but what's the reason ♪ ♪ always get the reaction you wanted i'm actually frontin' i'm asking you something ♪ ♪ yo, answer this question class is in session tired of letting passing progression ♪ ♪ control my mind capture my soul okay, you're right just let it go ♪ ♪ okay, you ride it it's in the can before i played it you knew my hand ♪ ♪ you can turn a freak to a [ muted ] got the [ muted ] to my soul ♪ ♪ you see right through me how do you do that? ♪ ♪ how do you do that? how do you do that? ♪ ♪ how do you? how do you? how do you?

how do you ♪ ♪ you see right through me how do you do that? ♪ ♪ how do you do that? how do you do that? ♪ ♪ how do you? how do you? how do you? how do you ♪ ♪ stop, stop ♪ won't you just stop looking through me 'cause i can't take it no i can't take it ♪ ♪ you see right through me how do you do that? ♪ ♪ how do you do that? how do you do that? ♪ ♪ how do you? how do you? how do you? how do you ♪ ♪ you see right through me how do you do that? ♪ ♪ how do you do that? how do you do that? ♪ ♪ you see right through me how do you do that? ♪

♪ how do you do that? how do you do that? ♪ [ cheers and applause ] hmhmhmhmm