tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC January 25, 2011 12:05am-1:05am PST
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and time for tonight's "closing arguments" and the political handicappers are fixated on the question what will president obama say in tomorrow night's state of the union address? he is expected to propose new investments in infrastructure, education and innovation and then explain how that new spending will not mean new deficits. polls have shown most americans aren't quite ready to take the knife to the major entitle programs like social security and medicare so tonight we ask how can president obama come up with plausible cuts to offset new spending and from where exactly? we've heard from so many of you on facebook and twitter tonight but join in the conversation. won't you? tell us what you think at the "nightline" facebook page or on the "nightline" page at abcnews.com. we invite you to watch the state of the union tomorrow night at 9:00 eastern and stay tuned for full analysis on "nightline" at our usual time. finally a grim note from
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overseas. 35 were killed when a suicide bomber get natured a large explosive device at an airport in moscow. wounded were loaded into ambulance and the russian president called it a terrorist attack. no group has yet taken responsibility. tune in to "good morning america" tomorrow morning for the very latest on that developing story. that is our report for tonight. for cynthia mcfadden and terry moran and all of us at abc news, good night, america. >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel. on the show tonight cory monteith from "glee" and "joan & melissa," joan rivers and music from the script on our outdoor stage and the bachelor drinking game. >> every time they say amazing we'll drink. >> every time? >> yeah. >> wow. >> are you ready.
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>> i'm ready. >> okay. >> tonight on "the bachelor." >> this is amazing. >> whoa. >> amazing. >> salut. >> like our own drunken "jersey shore" cast. there ya go... now when you use chase freedom at the grocery store, you get 5% cash back. don't miss out. activate your 5% today. go to chase.com/freedom. with beauty... ♪
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makes the cold aisle easy. ♪ the robitussin relief finder. it's that simple. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight from "glee," cory monteith. joan rivers and music from the script. with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" >> dicky: and now just so you know, here's jimmy kimmel!
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[ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thanks. i'm the host of the show. thank you for coming. thank you for watching the program. i hope you enjoy yourselves tonight. i was up preparing our guests and they will be delicious tonight. i had an emotional afternoon today watching oprah. i really did. today oprah revealed to me that she has a half sister. when oprah was 9 her mother had a baby and didn't tell anyone about it. that's when you know you're overweight by the way when you can have a baby -- and she gave the baby up for adoption. boy, this family really loves to give things away, don't they? i guess it's hereditary. so this baby who is now a woman named patricia grew up in foster care and recently she was
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watching her local news, saw an interview with oprah's mother and kind of pieced everything together and discovered that her older sister is oprah, the oprah. so now she has to decide whether to go with the lump sum or the annual payments. it would be funny if oprah asked her for money. hit her up. i have to admit i was glued to the television watching this. see, i don't look at it as oprah finding her half sister. it's us finding an emergency replacement oprah in case god forbid anything happens to the real one. she and patricia met at thanksgiving and kept it a secret because she didn't want the media to exploit the situation. she wanted to do that herself. [ laughter ] but she did bring a camera along to record the first meeting. for those who missed it this was the magic moment from today's "oprah." >> on thanksgiving stedman and i
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drove up to my mother's house to meet my new sister and her family for the first time. here's that moment on family home video. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that is -- that's shocking. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: here's what i think really happened. what really happened, that's not her sister. one of oprah's clones came out, kind of weird and no one on the staff agreed to kill it so instead they got a show out of it. the one who had questions to
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answer was oprah's mother, vernita lee. apparently she's been ignoring her efforts to contact her and no one was responding and she also told never told anyone in the family she had a child. the only reason patricia got in touch with her was through her niece so they went to their mother's house and as you might guess it would go they hugged and no one said anything, but this to me was the best part. as they're hugging in the mom's house, i notice in the background hanging on the wall oprah's head shot is dear mom, thanks for watching, best wish, oprah. it's basically the same thing you'd send to your dry cleaner. so what a week, first oprah goes to australia, now she's got a half sister. this is all morphing into an episode of "lost." i will say this, though, we joke around a lot but oprah inspired me today. she does every day but especially today because i too have a secret half sister, someone i've never met before and learned about this recently.
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my mother gave her away when she was an infant. because i think of you as my family i thought it would be best for us to meet her together. ladies and gentlemen, meese welcome my half sister, barbara. barbara. [ applause ] don't you ever go away from me, okay? >> okay. i'll be right here. >> jimmy: go over there. barbara, everyone. okay. barbara. her mother was my mother and her father was a muppet. i'm not sure which one.
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my half sister, guillermo. did you get to meet her. >> yeah, i say hi. >> jimmy: you did. the matchup is set for super bowl xlv. the pittsburgh steelers beat the jets to earn a meeting with the packers who knocked off the bears. it's two weeks from yesterday in dallas. it was an embarrassing loss for the jets. they made a little run near the end of the game but ultimately fell short. jets quarterback mark sanchez had a rough first half. here's his backup mark brunell. >> it was quarterback play, there you go. >> quarterback sneak. >> jimmy: that's where the term dirty sanchez comes from. at least the jets we s wore gre. near the end of the game steelers running back rashard mendenhall you can see
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congratulating ben roethlisberger for a job well done. let's circle that and you can see -- there you go. ten-yard penalty for excessive leg humping. [ applause ] oh, look at this. look who's back. barbara, hi, barbara. >> hi. >> jimmy: anything wrong? >> do you have any money? >> jimmy: there you go. >> so long, bro. >> jimmy: great to see you. [ applause ] >> jimmy: you think half a sister would cost half as much but it's not the case. the u.s. postal service announced today they're planning to close 2,000 branches of postal stations in addition to the almost 500 they were already planning to close. they lost $8.5 billion last
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year. maybe in retrospect making people wait in line while you slowly finish your bag of hot cheetos isn't the best. the post office is a place your parents used to go to communicate before there were text messages. young people use it less and less. maybe they should deliver pizza instead of letters. people always like that so local post offices will be closing gradually over the course of this year but don't worry, if you want to wait in line for a couple of hours you can still always go to the dmv. there's a new television show coming out. do you play this game angry birds on the iphone? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: now you'll be able to watch it. they signed a number of "a" list stars. >> you've loved angry birds but now get ready for angry birds the show featuring the voices of academy award and golden globe award winning actors.
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>> [ bleep ]. >> with a [ bleep ] up your [ bleep ]. >> good for you. >> angry birds coming soon to the oprah network. >> jimmy: they got that too. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: they do seem angry. there's a new episode of "the bachelor" tonight here on abc. this is kind of interesting. it's not exactly oprah's half sister interesting but "the bachelor" brad womack apparently wasn't always brad womack. his name used to be brad picklesheimer. for real. his parents slit up. he took his stepfather's last name which was picklesheier. can you imagine if he had that name now. will you be mrs. brad picklesheimer? no. what woman would take the name picklesheimer besides her?
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so far this season three bachelorettes have signed brad's pickle. tonight the bachelor got it down by three. megan was cut. she is a fashion marketer from new york and here she is leaving the house after she was -- look at that walk. she walks like richard kind in "a serious man." make it to the end of 9 driveway without dropping the walnut she wins $100. one more thing. for some reason somewhere between 200 and 800 times per episode amazing is said. everything is amazing. brad is amazing. the view is amazing. the women are amazing. they're easily amazed so tonight we've turned that into a drinking game. we got my uncle frank, aunt chippy and security guards together. the rules are simple. every time you hear the word amazing you take a drink. well, here's how that turned out. >> are you ready. >> i'm ready. >> okay. >> tonight on "the bachelor" --
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>> this is amazing. >> amazing. >> amazing. >> amazing. >> why are you feeding me? >> drink. >> i don't know what is. >> i'm going on this amazing date. >> amazing. >> amazing. >> i'm here with a bunch of alcoholics. how am i doing? oh, my good. >> for real. this is amazing. >> amazing. >> salut. >> super amazing. >> brad and i have had an amazing day. >> amazing. >> drink. >> drink more. >> you drink more. >> also have a lot -- >> we know him. he's a real man. ♪ >> i'm here with this amazing man. >> amazing! >> tonight is going to be an amazing party. >> wow! >> amazing. >> it's amazing. >> an amazing -- >> amazing guy. >> it's amazing.
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>> it's amazing. >> amazing. >> amazing. >> [ bleep ]. >> amazing. >> amazing. >> salut. >> amazing. >> amazing. >> i'm sick of amazing. i don't want no more amazing. >> amazing. >> it's amazing. >> i peed in my pants. >> jimmy: don't try that at home. a fine line between amazing and puking. we got a big show tonight. joan rivers is here. we'll have music from the script and we'll be right back with cory monteith from "glee." so stick around. that's good! that's it! watch your step, folks. keep movin', please. whoa! [ thuds ] that's not gonna work. [ thudding ]
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from account science & faith," the script from the bud light outdoor stage. we got a good week this week. sir anthony hopkins will be here. lady amy poehler. from true grit" the guy with the gun. melissa leo and music from cold war kids and cage the elephant so you're welcome. [ cheers and applause ] our first guest -- on sunday february 6th the worlds of entertainment collide like never before with a special episode of "glee" following the super bowl. our first guest tonight is the starting quarterback for one of those event, i'm not sure which, please welcome cory monteith. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you look very nice. a three-piece suit on. the whole deal.
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>> i think this is my first time wearing a vest. >> jimmy: really? [ cheers ] >> jimmy: thanks for sharing your first vest experience with us. this "glee" is a huge phenomenon. the tv show and live concerts. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you have your own line of pudding or something. >> pudding, yes, it's incredible. we have several different varieties. >> jimmy: and people go crazy like kids especially when they see you, they scream and they yell and all that sort of thing. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: like that? >> yeah, it's been crazy. i mean just getting used to some of the different reactions from people since the show has turned into such a success, it's -- >> jimmy: they're all very positive, maybe too positive. >> generally speaking, not a lot of people are like coming up to me and saying, i hate your show. get out of here, cory. >> jimmy: if they do it's probably not nice. what was the first moment when you realized, oh, this is going to happen, this is a big deal and i have to kind of watch
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where i'm going and what i'm doing? >> ah, i'd have to say -- i'd have to say it was one of the first times i went to new york, lea michele took me to my first broadway musical and i was super excited and i was like new to twitter and new to the whole celebrity thing and i was like super stoked to go to my first broadway show ever with lea michele but it was on a night when there was only one or two shows playing on broadway and they were both across the street from each other. >> jimmy: perfect. >> so, you know, but i didn't think about that so when we came out of the show we were aptly greeted and everybody -- it was kind of a mob scene. whoa, like what's going on? this is crazy. >> jimmy: good way to impress girls, just tweet where you're going to be. >> what are these guys doing here. >> jimmy: you're not a teenager. you play a teenager in high school but you're actually 53 years old. >> 53 in may. >> jimmy: how old are you?
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>> 28. >> jimmy: 28 years old. that's really good if you can play a -- >> that's good. >> jimmy: it might not be good when you're in a bar. hey, aren't you supposed to be in high school. >> i get carded every single time i walk into anything resembling a bar. >> jimmy: did you get that before. >> i know you. you're not -- >> jimmy: before you were on the show did that happen. >> no, you're a tall guy. you get it. oh, he's old enough. >> jimmy: you know, luke perry when he was on "beverly hills 90210" he was like 70 or something. >> i like it. i like it because i can always refer to other guys before me that were much older. >> jimmy: you dropped out of actual high school in the ninth grade. >> ninth grade. >> jimmy: you've been in tv high school longer than you were in the real high school. >> it's totally true. >> jimmy: you should get some sort of tv diploma. >> hodgeary tv diploma. that's good. i left school. i started working when i was
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really young. i worked a billion jobs. i worked -- i was the walmart people greeter for awhile. >> jimmy: really? that is usually a job for old people. i've never seen anyone under 80 doing that job. >> and i guess that was probably my first best experience. >> jimmy: oh, yeah, there you go. that's right. >> the blue vest. yeah, i've had a billion job, washed car, i was a school bus driver for awhile. >> jimmy: really. an actual school bus driver. >> it was for a day care company so we would look after the kids and at the day care sites then pack them on to the short school buses and take them to different places like the pool or mcdonald's. >> jimmy: you dropped out of school so you could drive kids back to school. >> a subtle irony. >> jimmy: do you ever run into kids that say you were my school bus -- that must freak you out my bus driver is on "glee" now. how is this possible? >> i have not. i have not. >> jimmy: i'm pretty sure all my
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former bus drivers are in prison right now or driving the bus to the prison. >> no, it's -- i is had some close calls driving the school bus, i got to tell you. i'm not used -- who is used to driving a school bus besides people who have been doing it for a long time. >> jimmy: not that many people they're bigger than normal cars. >> exactly and so this one time i had taken the kids and put them in the bus and everybody is happy, going to mcdonald's. i think we were going to just buy the minimum amount of stuff so i could take them to the play place or whatever. >> jimmy: dump them in the play yard. >> the pool of balls or whatever. i was pulling into the parking lot and i was distracted by the kids because they were getting all excited and i hit -- you know how they have those promotional signs on the top of poles in the mcdonald's mcparking lot. i might have hit one of those signs with the bus. it snapped off and it like went off in front of the bus like
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boom, boom and came down and the kids started freaking out. >> jimmy: oh, we're going to die. >> cory trashed the bus. and so i had to bribe them with ice cream. >> jimmy: oh, really. >> so they wouldn't tell their parents. >> jimmy: did anyone rat you out? >> no, it was cool. >> jimmy: a good group of kids. you tweeted this photograph and this is -- this is a picture of you with prince harry. >> yep. >> jimmy: the prince harry. how did this happen? what's going on? on a softball team fogt or something. >> i was shooting the mo movie "monte carlo" which is going to come out i think this summer and i was shooting in monaco. >> jimmy: why is he wearing a name tag? he's prince harry. is that -- is he wearing an i.d. badge? >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: that's weird. >> yeah, i didn't think about that. >> jimmy: is he a viewer of your show? >> no, no, he -- you know what happened is i had a day off.
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i was doing this movie. we were shooting in monaco and i was like i've never been to london so i hopped a plane, got to london, hooked up with some people who were going to the music festival in hyde park and found myself in an area where he was just chilling. he was just chilling and i seriously walk into this fenced off kind of like -- it's this lawn, everybody chilling out and i walk up and there's this like folding table and prince harry and like three of his buddies are sitting around it playing cards and drinking beer just like chilling. >> jimmy: really? wow. >> and rob stringer who i was with from columbia was just like do you want to meet him and i'm like, yeah, of course. let's take a photo with the prince. no big deal. and so, yeah, he was like, oh, excuse me, prince harry would you mind if. >> jimmy: sorry to interrupt your illegal gambling while you're drunk but i'd like to
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take a picture for my twitter account. >> yeah and then did people swarm this concert site looking for you and the prince? >> i think -- i forget if i tweeted immediately or because i learned my lesson. >> jimmy: you've learned your lesson now. you guys will be on after the super bowl and there's a lot of pressure after the super bowl. i know you're doing like a football-themed kind of thing but, you know, that's the thing. they think like put a football in there and everybody is going to go, oh, let's watch the football episode of "glee." but really what you're going to have a lot of very drunk guys that are very confused after the -- >> i think the writers completely took that into account. >> jimmy: they did. >> and right off the top of the episode it's this -- they are firing people out of cannons and there's -- >> jimmy: i want to see someone fired into a cannon. i've never seen that before. there will be no singing in this episode because football fans don't like to see people sing. >> as soon as they hear things,
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change, change. >> jimmy: there will be singing in the deal. >> there will be singing. >> jimmy: can i say -- i heard there's like a "thriller" dance. michael jackson. >> doing a "thriller" matchup. >> jimmy: a matchup with something else. >> the sequel. we're doing a secret -- it's not a secret. yeah, it's heading will roll. you know that song. we're doing a matchup of that song and "thriller" and all zombied out. it's cool. >> jimmy: great to meet you. >> there was one other thing i wanted to mention. i'm working with fruitables. >> jimmy: no, you aren't. >> it's really good. >> jimmy: on the school bus. >> fruitables. >> jimmy: is that like lunchables? >> it's a juice company and what they're doing is they're doing a school music match-up competition and people submit their videos and they can win $10,000 for the school music program or their school glee club. >> jimmy: i see.
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>> they pick songs and they can mash them up and win money for the glee club. >> jimmy: somebody will be named mr. or miss fruitable. >> yeah. >> jimmy: good luck with the whole fruitable thing and the football thing too. >> maybe i'll work with lunchables. >> jimmy: watch "glee" after the super bowl february 6th on fox. cory monteith, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] they're coming. seems like from every wireless carrier. you may have heard them already. the doubt-casting. the empty comparisons. while they shout them at the top of their lungs... to try to blur the lines. in the end, it's america's largest and most reliable network that more people trust. verizon. built so you can rule the air. [ thuds ] [ man ] that's it!
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, we're back. i'm just trying to figure out what the hell fruitables is. it's a drink and it's a pet food. we're trying to figure out which one they're feeding the kids. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: fruitables. our next guest is a bona fide comedy legend. you can see her now with daughter melissa in the new series "joan & melissa: joan knows best." the show premieres tuesday at 9 on wetv, please say hello to joan rivers. [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: how are you? fruitables going on. he was probably sexually threatened by you. don't feel bad about it. >> because i used to sing as a kid. third grade i was in "once upon a mattress." four deaf kids walked out. two of them signed you suck. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: children are so cruel. >> children can be so cruel. >> jimmy: how are you? very good to see you. >> i saw you and you were wonderful at the critics' choice awards. you were presenting. >> jimmy: thank you. yeah. >> he was brilliant. he was brilliant. >> jimmy: you were great, as well. thank you for saying that. >> terrible night i thought. >> jimmy: it was a terrible night. >> stupid movies one. >> jimmy: the audience didn't seem -- one of those deals where they force the celebrities to come to the show to be presented with awards that they probably
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don't care that much about. >> and ones that do win, "the king's speech." has anyone seen it [ applause ] >> excuse me? boo-hoo. the king stutters. the [ bleep ] owns england, ireland, scotland, new zealand, oh, the king is unhappy. so [ bleep ] yourself. >> jimmy: make a good point. >> if you owned ireland, would you care? i stutter. who cares. whatever your highness. it's like last year with "precious." do you remember "precious." that was another one, boo-hoo. her mother didn't treat her right. obviously her mother treats her a little right. she certainly feeds her. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, another excellent point. >> by the way, who was the star of that?
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>> jimmy: gabby sidibe. >> she's oprah's half sister. >> jimmy: i'm sure she would be delighted to be. >> don't you find -- don't you find this oprah is shocked. >> jimmy: that she has a half sister? >> i was on carson the first night 14 [ bleep ] relatives i never met before showed up. oprah has $6 million. oprah, i'm your sister too. i'm your sister too. look at these liver spots. black. black. >> jimmy: so i want to ask you -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: your famous relative, i watched the first couple episodes of your show and it's very entertaining but why are you tormenting your daughter? i mean i could not -- do you run your daughter -- it's almost like the whole show has been set
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up as a prank on melissa because you come to her house while she's out, you redecorate her house and donate her furniture to charity without asking her. >> her charity. >> jimmy: her charity. her furniture. never mind her charity. >> her charity. >> jimmy: she seemed genuinely upset with you. i don't know if it's a setup reality -- but she seemed actually mad at you. >> we wanted to do a reality show which really shows mothers and daughters and we didn't set anything up and i thought the way her house looked was just yech. she was out. i thought i'd give her a little class and taste so i got rid of all that furniture -- >> jimmy: she was very upset and you go, this is sarah jessica parker's decorator like that's supposed to mean anything to her. >> it does. >> jimmy: her couch is gone. it's crazy. >> oh, stop. >> jimmy: you don't care. you just do it anyway. >> well, it was hard. we lived together. >> jimmy: it was hard for her.
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it seemed easy for you. you mow through the family. cursing in front of the kids. >> oh, stop. >> jimmy: you were -- what else did you do to her? oh, this was crazy to me. you're trying to get her to pose topless or naked. >> naked. she was offered -- wait a second. she was offered $400,000 to pose naked and she turned it down. is she out of her mind? give me a -- i'll do a spread sh shot. >> jimmy: that's not what you expect from mom necessarily. >> no but it's -- look at the kardashians. hello. you know what i'm saying and then number one on e! it's a different world. >> jimmy: but you're still her mom. >> oh, so. >> jimmy: not only do you want her to be topless, it's not even for like "playboy" it's like for "the girls gone wild" video.
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you want your daughter to be one of the girls gone wild? i want to show a clip here. this is -- your daughter met with the guy from "girls done wild." i don't want my children to see -- >> she has morals. >> jimmy: annoying morals and this is how you respond to that. >> aaagh. >> oh, stop. >> get out. get out. get out. >> okay. i'm gone. i'm gone. i'm gone. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: this is craziness. the title of this show should be "my mother is a maniac." that should be the name of this
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show. >> we did it for eight weeks and it was a little tense. towards the end and we had a couple of bad fights. and she went upstairs and she was doing like yoga to calm down. i was so angry at her because -- so furious so i got myself totally naked and do all the exercise, you want, [ bleep ]. you're still going to end up looking like this. she cried. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you like -- do you like having the reality show cameras around you? >> i don't mind it because i did my dvd. >> jimmy: yeah, that was great. your documentary. really great. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. and so i'm so used to having them around, you know what i mean. it means nothing because i have 14 months of these two guys with me all the time but melissa right away -- i'm going to the bathroom. oh, so what. pretend you're a kardashian. come on, come on.
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she's much more private than i am. she's having a hard time. she's living with the boyfriend who i like. >> jimmy: yeah, right. this was a surprise to you. you show up and the boyfriend is living there. >> you lived with people. did your mother -- mother moves in and the whole house at night starts to shake and you pray it's an earthquake. i mean you're just -- >> jimmy: that's got to be a little uncomfortable and so -- how long have you been here in los angeles? are you living here now. >> i'm living here now but i till go to back to new york three days a week. i go three days to new york and then i'm out here for "fashion police" and our show. >> jimmy: this is your busy season between the golden globes and the oscars. >> oh, my god and i'm fat. oh, so thin. >> jimmy: they are very thin. >> victoria beckham. oh, she's pregnant and she says, i'm eating for one. it's just -- >> jimmy: that's amazing.
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>> you don't know what the hell they're saying, the english people. >> jimmy: may i say that if you ever wanted to watch -- i tell you what, it'll make you feel good about your own mom watching the show. it is actual and unusual what joan does to melissa. the show is called "joan & melissa: joan knows best" premieres tuesday at 9pm on wetv. joan rivers, everybody. coming up, music from the script. [ cheers and applause ] [ male announcer ] at&t introduces a new windows phone
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with an irresistible full key... oh, too much? now get an lg quantum™ for only $99.99. only from at&t. rethink possible. now get an lg quantum™ for only $99.99. but women have made olay #1. not surgical results, regenerist is the #1 anti-aging serum and the #1 anti-aging moisturizer. not drastic. just fantastic, younger-looking skin with olay regenerist. >> ( beeping, beeping stops ) >> announcer: free is better. do your simple return for free with the federal free edition at turbotax.com. turbotax. the most trusted brand of tax software. [ male announcer ] twenty-four hour stuck-on food can be a project.
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series sponsored by bud light. to stream off-air performances and other music videos, go to jimmykimmellive.com. this is the iphone 4 with a stunning retina display multitasking over 300,000 apps ibooks itunes powerful a4 chip and facetime. now for everyone. [ thinking ] really? like i haven't seen that movie. [ snoring ] i got this amazing meal off mcdonald's dollar menu. the beefy mcdouble, the crispy mcchicken. everything's so good and just a buck each. i was smart enough to do all that, so my turn.
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can't paint, huh? guess we'll just have to go look at window treatments. [ thinking ] too easy. mcdonald's dollar menu. the simple joy of being smart. ♪ [ carl ] honey, where's the -- top shelf! life can get a bit... routine. that's why i decided to switch things up with cottonelle ultra toilet paper. [ carl ] oh yeeaaah! you see? it's 35% thicker than the northern brand. [ carl ] love it! you might say this one little switch has made all the difference. peanut, get dressed... we're goin' dancing. [ laughs ] [ female announcer ] little switches can make all the difference. with a 35% thicker sheet than the northern brand, cottonelle ultra is one little switch that'll change how you feel. ♪ as a mom, you surely know ♪ ♪ band-aid® brand is the way to go! ♪ ♪ yes, that's true ♪ and neosporin® works great too ♪ ♪ but when they get together ♪ they are exponentially better! ♪ ♪ they work from inside out
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♪ five signs of healing make us shout! ♪ ♪ when they fall ♪ always squeeze ♪ then stick! ♪ when they fall ♪ always squeeze ♪ then stick! here's the gum for the rest of the time. dentyne pure. it purifies your breath deliciously instead of just covering it up. dentyne pure. practice safe breath. casual breath, hot breath, nasty breath. but are they having safe breath? probably not. join me and the safe breath alliance as we put an end to unsafe breath. [ male announcer ] the safe breath alliance endorses dentyne. get involved at facebook.com/dentyne.
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>> jimmy: this is their new album "science & faith." here with the song "for the first time" the script. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ she's all laid up in bed with a broken heart while i'm drinking jack all alone in my local bar ♪ ♪ and we don't know how how we got into this mad situation only doing things out ♪ ♪ of frustration trying to make it work but man these times are hard
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she needs me now ♪ ♪ but i can't seem to find the time i got a new job now on the unemployment line ♪ ♪ and we don't know how how we got into this mess is it god's test someone help us cause ♪ ♪ we're doing our best trying to make it work but man these times are hard but we're going to start by ♪ ♪ drinking old cheap bottles of wine [ bleep ] talking up all night ♪ ♪ saying things we haven't for a while awhile awhile yeah we're smiling but we're ♪ ♪ close to tears even after all these years we just now got the feeling that we're meeting ♪ ♪ for the first time
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♪ ♪ she's in line at the dole with her head held high while i just lost my job ♪ ♪ i didn't lose my pride and we both know how how we're going to make it work when it hurts ♪ ♪ when you pick yourself up you get kicked to the dirt trying to make it work but man these times are hard ♪ ♪ but we're going to start by drinking old cheap bottles of wine ♪ ♪ [ bleep ] talking up all night doing things we haven't for awhile ♪ ♪ awhile awhile yeah we're smiling but we're close to tears even after all these years ♪ ♪ we just now got the feeling that we're meeting for the first time now ♪
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>> come on sing with me. ♪ drinking old cheap ♪ bottles of wine [ bleep ] talking up all night saying things we ♪ ♪ haven't for a while we're smiling but we're close to tears even after all these years ♪ ♪ we just now got the feeling that we're meeting for the first time yeah ♪ ♪ for the first time for the first time hey for the first time ♪ ♪ we just now got the feeling that we're meeting for the first time oh these times are hard ♪ ♪ yeah they're
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making us crazy don't give up on me baby oh these times are hard ♪ ♪ yeah they're making us crazy don't give up on me baby oh these times are hard ♪ ♪ yeah they're making us crazy don't give up on me baby oh these times are hard ♪ ♪ yeah they're making us crazy don't give up on me baby ♪ >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] 4'4'4'4''
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