up with next. >> apple by the numbers. thanks to bill for that. that's our report for tonight. for all of us at abc news, good night, america. >> dicky: up next on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> jimmy: one of the children is alleging that charlie bit his finger, and it hurt. really hurt. >> dicky: amanda seyfried. >> even if i were naked, cool, right? >> jimmy: nick offerman. >> no bouquet. tinged with just a hint of regret. >> dicky: and music from henry wolfe. >> jimmy: i was wondering where

>> dicky: it's focus rally america. >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel, bringing you up to speed on focus rally america, the ultimate interactive cross-country road rally. six teams drove their all-new 2012 ford focuses to snowy lake tahoe, and guillermo was on the scene. >> this is the challenge the contestants are going to have to drag their tubes all the way up to the top of the hill where they are going to grab as many snowballs as they can, slide over the bumps, put the snowballs in the opponents' rack. when their rack is filled, they're out. >> go red, red. >> i've been watching all the teams and i got to tell you, red

team is going to win. >> red is out. >> breaking news. the red team is out. that was breaking news. >> guys, what happened up there? >> we had a rough challenge today, didn't we? >> yeah, well, unfortunately this challenge had absolutely nothing to do with how we did, just how everyone feels about us winning zblcht this was a last-man standing challenge and people had to put snowballs in your snow cones to literally vote you out of the challenge. >> well, too bad you guys lost. you should have watched my special video. ? >> what video? >> how to win a snow cone challenge. roll the tape. are you in a snow cone competition? i've got the tips to make you a winner. number one. run up the hill. number two. believe in yourself.

i believe in you, guillermo. thank you, guillermo. number three. grab some snowballs. and then, slide to victory. ahh! snow cone! >> dicky: for your chance to win amazing prizes including a new 2012 ford focus, tune in to daily episodes of focus rally america on hulu.com/focusrally. >> jimmy: "jimmy kimmel live," back in two minutes with nick offerman, music from henry wolfe and ayman tmanda seyfried. ♪ you gotta go, you gotta go, it's alright ♪ ♪ and when i get the same reaction ♪

♪ i know this time it's gonna give some satisfaction ♪ ♪ you gotta go, you gotta go ( wind blowing ) a wintermint flavor that warms... and cools as you chew. 5 gum. stimulate your senses. -hi, sarah. -hey, it's my 2 for 20 club! back for new bourbon street entrees? [ male announcer ] because 2 for 20 is now jazzed up with the flavors of bourbon street. like new cajun shrimp pasta. one appetizer. two entrees. twenty bucks. only at applebee's. open 'til midnight or later.

only at applebee's. what makes a hershey's bar pure? ["melt with you" playing] pure fun. pure joy. pure delicious chocolate. pure hershey's. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- amanda seyfried. from "parks and recreation", nick offerman. and music from henry wolfe.

with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" >> dicky: and now, ladies and gentlemen, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: appreciate that. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thanks for waping. thanks for being here. this is a -- this is a milestone night for us here. it's our 1,500th show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] to put that in perspective, it only takes 1,100 show for them to pick an "american idol," so -- 1,500 is a lot. and just goes to show you what you can accomplish with a video of a high-ranking abc executive with a transvestite. anything.

so, from joe millionaire to kim kardashian to snooki, from gary coleman and sarah palin, thank you from the bottom of my heart for keeping us going. oh, hand me the crow bar. i remember this. after our first show, i wrote a note to myself and i buried it under the stage to be opened on our 1,500th show. so -- let me just -- oh. all right. all right. i think i've done some terrible damage here. i buried it really well. okay. oh, there it is. okay. great. here we go. ugh. i buried it in the 1800s. all right. here we go. it says -- i don't remember what i wrote here. it says, oh, nice, it says, you'll never make it.

ps, you should really follow through on that idea you had for creating a social networking site, call it facebook. [ applause ] pps, you suck. also -- oh, this is -- i was wondering where i put that. i had bacon there, too. oh. it holds up really well. i'm sure it had some lettuce and tomato with it. there you go. you can have the end of that if you like. also celebrating an anniversary tonight, charlie sheen did his 1,500th interview this week today. [ applause ] that's called winning. charlie sheen continued his farewell tour today. he was on "the today show" again, he had a "20/20" special last night. he's got a celebrity gossip website essentially living in his house. he also joined twitter yesterday to fill the gaps between saying crazy things on television, with

saying crazy things on the internet. but i don't think he has the hang of twitter. last night, he tried to smoke a hash tag. twitter joke. he did set a record. he went from 0 to 1 million followers faster than anyone in twitter history. winning again. winning. he's been tweeting -- [ applause ] you can put pictures on twitter. this is a photo he posted yesterday. it's a picture of him holding a cake he presumably had made for an oscar party. and it's got the oscar statue with his face on it. i loved to have been in the bakery when that order came in. and instead of the oscar's face, it should have charlie sheen's face on it. no, the old face -- not the one that's starting to look like he stared into the arc of the covenant. yes, great. charlie sheen has been a guest everywhere this week, because, to put it simply the man has a

lot to say. >> sometimes sleep is for infants. i don't sleep. i wait. i sleep in cars, couches. >> what gets you up in the morning? >> hello. we win so radically in our underwear before our first cup of coffee. >> what will yourtombstone.com. i'm a peaceful man with bad intentions. are there any drug in this house? really dude? really? we just win. little more, little more. add some gold, all your toupees. bingo. shut that bible, get over here and do your job. people say it's lonely at the top, but i sure like the view. there's a storm coming. bring it. >> what's the future for charlie sheen? >> just winning. >> jimmy: just winning. i don't know. i have to say, i hate to -- [ applause ] i wish him the best but i don't see him winning in the future. i see him tied. to a bed. i'm concerned with all the

cigarette smoking, it's setting a bad example for his kids. in his interview last night, andrea canning looked terrified. i think she was worried he would trap her in a sex dungeon or something. she soldiered on, asking question after question on a number of uncomfortable topics. >> it's no secret you have an affinity for porn stars. why? >> look at what they do. look at what i do. duh. >> what is it? >> it's exciting. it's fun. and you already know what you're getting before you meet them. >> because you've watched them? >> no, because i'm guessing. of course what's not to watch? they're the best at what they do and i'm the best at what i do, and together, it's on. >> jimmy: well, he's right. he's definitely on something. the situation is getting pretty out of hand. last night, police removed hiss young twin boys from the home. one of the children is

apparently alleging that charlie bit his finger. and it hurt. really hurt. you know things are bad when you say to someone, what these kids need now is the parental guidance of a michael or dina lohan. charlie didn't seem too phased by the cops taking his kids. he let a camera from a gossip website tape it. this morning, he discussed the incident live on "the today show." >> how did -- >> i did and emma land lauren, the nannies. we just very calmly and, you know, we video taped the whole thing just so nobody could claim otherwise. it was all very even and direct. >> i've done absolutely nothing wrong to deserve this. >> jimmy: hold on. i think that's a different crazy father altogether. as far as i know, the only balloons involved in this are implanted firmly in his girlfriend's chest. the twin boys are now under the care of their mother in a safer

place, libya, and -- one thing i will say about this whole thng is this. brett favre owes charlie sheen a thank you note. suddenly, e machling a picture of your private parts to a masseuse seems as quaint and harmless as singing in a barbershop quartet. right? speaking of singing, a new episode of "american idol" tonight. steven tyler has a lot of catching up to do. luckily it was ladies night. only the women sang tonight. last night, it was the men. poor steven tyler, he had to make do with hitting on brett, who, if you quint, looks like a young bonnie raitt. fortunately for steven, the girls are back tonight, and so was yet another steven tyler's creepy leer of the night. >> beautiful way to open the show. song sang you, you sang the song beautifully.

it was good. i liked it a lot. >> jimmy: when the tongue comes out, he's snitching the air for cleavage. jennifer lopez did a good one. they did a big thing with the new music video, the song is "on the floor." the big hook is, she's going to let fans vote on which of three different endings she will use for the video. but they showed them tonight and the endings are almost exactly the same. this is ending number one. ♪ tonight we're going to be on the floor ♪ >> jimmy: okay, now, this here is ending number two. ♪ tonight we're going to be on the floor ♪ >> jimmy: okay, apparently that's different from the first one. and here's ending number three.

♪ tonight we're going to be on the floor ♪ >> jimmy: okay, well -- see, that's what i think of when i think of get on the floor. so, vote or die. the apple corporation unveiled their latest incarnation of the ipad this morning in san francisco. the ipad 2 is what they're calling it. it's faster, lighter and it magically turns your old ipad into a coaster. i -- apple has a special gift for turning their old products instantly into judging. but you -- you still can use the ipad old one as a frisbee, though. there's an interesting anger congressman relationship developing on fox news. megakelly was interviewing anthony winer this morning. these two have been on the air together before and they have a little something that is called chemistry. >> you know, you're throwing

everything at me so i can't offer any response. >> i get an opportunity. you're doing an interview, so let me respond to your question. >> why don't you just do a sol little kwi. you take it away. >> okay. this is the way interviews work, you ask questions and i get to answer. >> oh, thank you. >> when you put your come men tapes attend, they better be correct, and in this case -- >> was she -- >> that was not the part i'm taking exception to. >> i remember covering her confirmation hearing to the u.s. supreme court. >> i'm not really sure what goes on at fox that is actually coverage, but that's another conversation. >> jimmy: they're definitely hooking up after the show. and the open communication did not end there. well, this is -- this is unbelievable. >> all he has is a wife who is a lobbyist and what he said on that tape is that his wife -- can i have my turn? >> sure. >> okay. because -- >> if you're going to state the questions -- >> i thought i would have my turn. >> you can, but your premise -- >> i thought i was getting my turn. >> well, i'm not sure when i'm

going to get cut off. >> jimmy: it's almost like they're doing a comedy sketch. the timing is so bald it's great. poor closed captioning guy jumped off the roof in the middle of it. in international news, according to an iranian news agency, mahmoud a-members only jacket of iran, he had a car just sold in a charity auction for $2.5 million. $1,000 for the car, $2.499 million for the uranium in the trunk. it's a cool -- it comes with one of those adorable decals of calvin relieving himself on the israeli flag. he had a very persuasive sales pitch. he said, what do i have to do to put you in this car today, threaten to gas your own family? the pre-owned dictator car market is heating up in iran right now. there's a whole car lot that specializes in them. >> attention motorists.

it's our spring sale now. we've got a load of used dictator cars. and they all must go. we've got mahmoud ahmadinejad 1977 peugeot. hosni mubarak's gremlin. mussolini's chevy vega. hitler's vanagon. and kim jong-il's weaner mobile. it's meglomania at the auto mall. >> where the 605 meets jamboree, right across the street from the goat track. >> jimmy: that's orange countco i think. and one more thing. today was read across america day. this is a day of reading. celebrated every year on the anniversary of dr. seuss's birthday and the idea is to encourage people to read more. i found out about it when i was watching tv this morning.

and we thought, what better way to honor dr. seuss, one of the most popular authors of all time than combining his work with one of the greatest minds of our time, charlie sheen's work. so, here's the video from the dr. seuss classic "the cat and the hat," combined with audio from an interview with charlie sheen. enjoy. >> are you worried you're going to relapse? >> no. i blink and i cured my brain. dying is for fools. >> are there any drugs in this house? >> if there are, you better find them and give them to. >> are you afraid to die? >> i was born dead. >> what do you mean? >> flooby baby, the whole thing. just beat the hell out of me and finally this voice emerged and said, i'm alive. bring it. >> what make us want to embrace the day and stay clean? >> my family. we win so radically in our underwear before our first cup of coffee, it's carry. >> and what makes you a good dad? >> hey, kids, your dad's a rock star. suck it. hard.

>> jimmy: cat in the hat had tiger blood. we have a good show for you tonight. from "parks and recreation," nick offer man is here. we have music from henry wolfe. and we'll be right back with amanda seyfried, so stick around.

i'll see you next thursday. [ tv announcer ] welcome back on this beautiful thursday morning. next up, the segment... ♪ ♪ [ keys opening the door ] ♪ grandpa!?

mikey? mikey! grandpa i missed you.

>> jimmy: hi there, welcome back, thank you for watching. our 1,500th show. that i know of, there are only two people who have seen all of our 1,500 shows that don't work here, and they are joan and jim

kimmel, my parents. or maybe they just say they do and are recently watching conac. it's important to encourage your children. even if you're completely full of it. on our program tonight, you know him as ron swanson from the show "parks and recreation." nick offerman is here. and then, oh, here it is, later on, making his network television debut with music from this upcoming album, "linda vista," henry wolfe from the bud light stage. tomorrow night, we'll have music from michael franti and spae spearhead. and howard stern will join us. i was listening to howard this morning, he said a very nice thing. he said, "i wish i didn't have to do this and can't wait until it's over." so, tomorrow night will be a lot of fun. our first guest tonight has a lot of range. she made out with a zombie megan fox and sang "mama mia" with meryl streep. now she takes on the big bad wolf in the re-imagining -- that's a movie word -- of the classic fable "red riding hood."

it opens in theaters march 11th. please say hello to amanda seyfried. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you didn't have to rush. we have plenty of time to chat. do people -- >> oh, good. >> jimmy: do people screw up your name? >> i wasn't paying attention. >> jimmy: i think i got it right. seyfried, right? >> yeah, seyfried. thank you. >> jimmy: you're welcome. how are you? how is everything? >> things are -- >> jimmy: you flew in today, i know from new york. >> yeah, i did. i don't remember it. but i was in new york this morning. >> jimmy: you don't remember? why? >> i'm a sleeper. >> jimmy: i do that, too. >> it's a real blessing, for sure. >> jimmy: it is a blessing. people like kind of look at you like you're weak or something. i will drool on my seat mate immediately. >> you know what's funny is, when you wake up and they're

like, whoa, boy, you sure got some sleep and they say it every time. and i go, like, every three weeks. >> jimmy: and it kind of -- it's a little bit embarrassing and, in fact, it's the plain version of when the waiter goes, when you've eaten every bit of everything on your plate, he goes, guess you didn't like that. >> still makes me laugh, though, doesn't it? >> jimmy: yeah. and exciting development in your life, you are -- i don't know if you're aware of this, but you are in the -- you made the stars, they're just like us column. there you are, apparently buying ch chick peas -- >> those aren't -- >> jimmy: what are they? >> they have magic vegan morsels. >> jimmy: are you telling me that "us weekly" has printed something false, that these are not -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: magic vegan morsels? >> yeah, they did and really insulting. why would i -- i know what the nutritional content of chick peas are. >> jimmy: what is it? they're really high in fiber.

>> jimmy: they're chick peas. >> a lot of protein. i don't need to look at that. >> jimmy: what -- did you notice a photographer hunting you in the supermarket? >> i didn't. sometimes i do. >> jimmy: that's -- i mean, that's terrible, isn't it, that you can't shop for -- >> i think, yeah, no, it's ridiculous but at the same time, thank god i didn't see them because -- because they would have been knocked out. i don't, i can't. >> jimmy: you were interviewed for a magazine by justin timberlake. >> yeah. >> jimmy: naked. who was naked? both of you or just him? >> listen, i wasn't really naked. i made a joke and then the journalist didn't say, she joked. and then, but you know what, hey, even if i were naked, cool, right? >> jimmy: well, it was own the phone, right? >> yeah. i should have been. but i just thought i would make it funny because, you know, those things get boring.

>> jimmy: you mentioned that -- you seem bored already. >> no, i'm totally not. no! >> jimmy: you have viola -- >> it doesn't matter. >> jimmy: i'm going with viola. do you play it? >> nope. >> jimmy: you do not. but you own one? >> i do. >> jimmy: how much are those? >> they're like, mine was like 700 bucks. >> jimmy: and why did you get it if you don't play it? >> because i thought it would impress a musician friend of mine. it's really difficult to play, i don't know if you've tried. >> jimmy: i'm sure someone has. >> someone plays it really well. >> jimmy: how long did you give it before giving up on it? >> i gave it like a day and a half, and -- >> jimmy: that should be enough. >> it's just one of those things. >> jimmy: do you play other instruments? >> i played the care nelarinet . >> jimmy: i am, too. all the coolest kids in high school played the clarinet. >> you were really into it? >> jimmy: i wouldn't say that.

i played 6th through 10th grade, the clarinet. >> that's a long time. >> jimmy: and then i realized i was going to be a virgin until 30. >> i realized that so much sooner than you that i turned to cheerleading the next year. >> jimmy: i was not invited to be part of that team. >> you know what it's okay. you really would have been a very gin forever at that point. >> jimmy: depends on your definition of virginity, i guess. so, you were a cheer leader. so, you crossed over from band to cheerleading. that's a very rare leap. >> let's talk about the fact that it was in middle school, where you get a crappy clarinet and then you get a crappy wool skirt and, like, it's never really what you imagine it to be, so, it's cool. >> jimmy: you didn't like being a cheer leader? >> i was always in the back. i wasn't coordinated. listen. it's very difficult when you're in seventh grade -- >> jimmy: that it's tough. >> that's when you're supposed to be playing soccer.

guys like that. in fact, i tried out for the soccer team. >> jimmy: and? >> i didn't make it. >> jimmy: you didn't make it. what are you going to do? well, things have turned around for you lately. you're in this movie and leonardo dicaprio is one of the executive producers. did you know him before him? >> i knew of him. i was infatuated with him. >> jimmy: from where? >> ah, the world. no, he was in "romeo and juliet" when i was, like, 11. i don't know why i was able to watch that, it's an r-rated movie. i was really obsessed with him and now i'm 25 and you know, i'm not, luckily. >> jimmy: you're not? >> if i was it would be awkward. he produced this movie. i thought, why not be in that movie? >> jimmy: well, there's no good reason to not be in it. >> he makes good choices and i thought, how strange? >> jimmy: your co-star max irons was here last night. he said he had to go through a -- he had to go through an

audition, like a chemistry test, on-screen chemistry test with you and he's the one they picked but he said there were a whole bunch of guys that did it. >> there were like 30 guys. >> jimmy: and how does that work exactly? how do they test the chemistry? >> well, the guys come in one by one, i open my mouth and then we make out and then they leave. >> jimmy: so this is, like, it's like "the bachelorette," really. >> yeah. should i be ashamed? i feel like -- >> jimmy: no, but you might want to seek medical treatment or something like that. thoug>> i thought about thad then the producer sent me a basket of purell, gum, toothbrushes. after the fact. >> jimmy: so, they watch you make out with a series of guys and then decide which one you made out with best or do you -- there are some you go, oh, no -- >> we didn't talk about that right off the bat because i thought that would be too mean. i definitely had hand signals.

>> jimmy: really? like -- >> ah, yeah, just like -- >> jimmy: that sort of thing. subtle motions? much more, yeah, subtle, but no, but on that vein -- >> jimmy: what happened to the little in little red riding hood. why is it just red riding hood? >> it's the size of my breasts, really. how little can i be? no, but -- it's -- you know, nobody wants to see the little girl in the cape and the basket. it's supposed to be a coming of age movie and -- >> jimmy: it a little bit scary, this movie, true? >> yes, it is. and it a whoduni t. and nobody could figure it out when they read the script. i thought that was another cool reason to do the movie because it's written so well. so, there's a lot of elements, but a lot of -- >> jimmy: we have a clip here of the film that will illuminate things well for us. now, the wolf, did you make out with a bunch of wolves, too?

>> no, you didn't. >> jimmy: you didn't? do you need to set this clip up or will we understand it? >> there's a wolf in the clip and -- and i'm talking about having just made out, again, with the character that plays my love interest. >> jimmy: the movie is called "red riding hood" and opens march 11th. >> peter -- >> no. >> go. >> you will die now, beast.

>> jimmy: that is a very, very big bad wolf. "red riding hood" opens on march 11th. amanda seyfried, everybody. we'll be right back with nick offerman. [ male announcer ] when mike rowe heads home, his family knows what to expect. hun, mike's coming -- let's get crackin'. [ male announcer ] but what mike rowe doesn't know is that his parents have armed themselves with unquilted viva® towels. place looks great. [ male announcer ] mike doesn't know that every concentrated viva roll is made of strong, fiber packed sheets, making it one tough towel. but his mom sure does. wow, for me? you shouldn't have. i insist. [ male announcer ] hey, if viva can handle mike rowe's mess, just think what it can do in your home. grab a roll for yourself and grasp the unquilted difference. plus the choice of every etf,

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>> jimmy: we're back. henry wolfe is still to come. our next guests has one of the great mustaches in television. watch him thursday nights on his very funny show "parks and recreation" on nbc. please say hello to nick offerman. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you look very snazzy and sharp tonight. >> thank you. thank you. i clean up nice. >> jimmy: where are you from originally? >> from a little farm town in illinois called menuca. >> jimmy: that's a great name. it sounds like a wrest. ing from the '80s. >> that's right. >> jimmy: and did you live on a farm? >> we -- my family, my mom's family raised corn and beans and pigs and we lived adjacent to them out in the middle of a corn

field, so, because my uncles are still hard-working farmers, i feel nervous about saying i grew up on a farm, because i grew up working on their farm. so, i was just a country boy. >> jimmy: you were next to a farm. >> exactly. >> jimmy: what did your dad do for a living? >> he grew up farming, a couple miles down the road. and then he became a schoolteacher. and actually, that's where i get a lot of ron swanson's gravitas. >> jimmy: from dad? >> if you imagine ron swanson teaching, like, eighth grade history or social studies, the kids were pretty well behaved. >> jimmy: was he a tough guy? a tough teacher? >> he was. though, i have to say, every year he was voted the student's favorite teacher. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> he was really fair, but he commanded a lot of respect. i knew -- he taught at the town next to menuca, which is called shanahon.

>> jimmy: oh, the big city. >> yeah, and all of us went to the same high school. so, half of my high school class had my dad as a teacher. so, they would all tell me stories about my dad. >> jimmy: you didn't have him? >> i did not, thankfully. >> jimmy: like, what's the best story they told you about your own father? >> there was a guy, a few years older than me, i think, he was one of these eighth graders, he always sounded like nelson from "the simpsons," that big sort of bully guy. ha-ha. his name was boots. i think his name was boots randolph. there was a famous story -- >> jimmy: boots randolph? >> and he was bigger than my dad. >> jimmy: really? >> and there's a story that boots was misbehaving in some ways, i don't know, playing with a rubber band or something and my dad took him out in the hallway and booments was talking back and my dad picked him up and just held him off the floor against the lockers and spoke in

a very calm tone, in a disciplinary fashion. and boots stepped, towed the line after that. >> jimmy: he was shaking in his boots, probably. >> he filled his boots with creamy urine. >> jimmy: somebody -- well, on a farm, yeah. >> we ate a lot of corn. >> jimmy: you churn it. >> it gets milky. >> jimmy: does your family still live there? >> yeah, a huge family of farmers, firemen, paramedics nurses, librarians, sort of the salt of the earth. >> jimmy: you are the only actor -- >> they squeezed out a black sheep. >> jimmy: were you in the drama program at school or -- >> i was. really small town. we did do plays and a musical, but they weren't -- it was sort of the 1958 version of high school drama. but that's where i started.

i spent a lot of time on the altar at our catholic church. i was an altar boy. >> jimmy: oh, okay. i, too, was an altar boy. yes, yes. i knew how to do that, too. >> we'll do the hand shake after the show. >> jimmy: you have to ring the bells at the right time. >> that's right. and the proper way, which is this -- >> oh, man. you could catch hell, it will r literally, for screwing up the bells. you had to serve the wine and the holy water. in the catholic mass, the priest, part of the eucharist, he has this symbolic red wine and water. and he's supposed to mix the two, i forget the symbolism. >> jimmy: i think it's just cheaper if you cut it with some water. >> especially in the '70s, they were think out the wine. but the guy, he would always glug out the whole thing of red wine and then boop, just a splash of water. and that was -- that was when i

became aware that i was in front of a congregation or audience of a few hundred people and so i started to -- i started to sort of evaluate, i'd crack the wine and sort of give a facial review of -- >> jimmy: the bouquet? >> this stuff has no bouquet. tinged with just a hint of regret. >> jimmy: and that's what did it for you. >> yeah. >> here we are. >> jimmy: and here we are. and the show's doing great. really starting to get a lot of attention. >> thank you. [ applause ] >> jimmy: you have -- we have -- your character is becoming, like, almost a cult figure type character. there's even a website and i'm sure you're aware of this, maybe you're not. it's cats that look like ron swanson? >> i've had it pointed out. >> jimmy: let's look at some of

the cats and we'll compare. there's ron swanson, your character, your dad. and there's -- yeah. i can see that. that one. >> jimmy: you know, the mustache gets a lot of play, but it's the eyebrows that really bring the thunder. >> jimmy: yeah. well, i tell you what, your family must be very, very proud. are there a lot of famous people from your area? >> there are not. when i announced i was going to two to theater school, it was as if i announced i was going to escape to another dimension. no one in our experience had pursued any sort of art. and so people were like, you're going to do what? and i said, well, there are places where people get paid to act in plays on stage. and they were like, where, france? >> jimmy: did you do serious stuff or has it always been comedy? >> no, i was very dramatic. i had a long, really nice career in chicago and --

[ applause ] not far from menuca. >> jimmy: still nothing. >> but i -- i sort of, you know, ran the gamut. most full-time stage actors do if your company is doing a comedy or drama, you do what's on the bill. >> jimmy: so you're comfortable with either one of those things. >> in town a did a lot more dramatic work on nypd blue or the west wing, a lot of movies. and it was kind of a revelation to people in the business when i started on "parks and rec," they were like, oh, you do comedy? yeah. i speak slowly, so they weren't sure. >> jimmy: well, it seems to be going great. congratulations on all your success. the show is very, very funny. that's nick offerman, everyone. new episodes of "parks and recreation" starting march 17th on nbc. we'll be right back with henry wolfe. at enterprise rent-a-car, we keep things pretty simple.

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♪ but for reasons that i can't explain i feel i'm splitting in two ♪ ♪ i don't know who i've been there's a stranger in my skin ♪ ♪ i used to be somebody used to be somebody now i'm someone else ♪ ♪ i took a look at my reflection didn't recognize myself ♪ ♪ the person in the mirror was a shell ♪ ♪ hollow on the inside as empty as a bell

and i could hear it ringing out ♪ ♪ for miles around my friends say i need help ♪ ♪ but i know i'm not crazy i'm only someone else ♪ ♪ someone else someone someone else i am someone else ♪ ♪ i used to be somebody someone else used to be somebody ♪ ♪ someone else now i'm someone else ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ and time takes a toll i feel the seasons changing i hear the thunder role ♪ ♪ someone else someone someone else ♪ ♪ and i'm someone else i used to be somebody someone else ♪ ♪ used to be somebody someone else and now i'm someone else ♪ ♪ someone else someone

someone else ♪ ♪ i'm someone else someone else someone ♪ ♪ someone else i am someone else ♪ okay, there we are...

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