tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC March 4, 2011 12:00am-1:05am PST
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thank you for watching abc news. we hope you check in for "good morning america" and we're always online at abcnews.com. until tomorrow, good night, america. >> dicky: up next on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live." howard stern. >> give me a kiss. come here. >> stop the swarm! >> give me my honey. >> dicky: and music from michael franti and spearhead. >> jimmy: there are players in the nba who don't have 55 kids.n
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>> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with tonight's -- big giant question! brought to you by applebee's "two for $20" menu. two people can share a full-size appetizer and each have a full-size entrée for just $20. i'm joined tonight by our experts, parking lot security guard guillermo. and -- thank you, guillermo. yehya. a guy i met on the street outside a movie. guillermo, yehya, tonight's big giant question is, which new bourbon street-inspired "2 for $20" menu item is better? cajun shrimp pasta or bourbon street chicken and shrimp? guillermo, your thoughts? >> the cajun shrimp pasta is better -- and anyone who says it isn't is stupid. >> jimmy: passionate words from a passionate man. yehya, your take?
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>> the bourbon strt chicken and shrimp is better! >> what? >> it's better. it's spicy and hot. and i like it. it's delicious. yes. >> no! i want the fiery flavor of cajun shrimp pasta! >> i want the bourbon street chicken and shrimp. >> did you say the fairy flavor? >> fiery. >> jimmy: oh, fiery. okay, now you go. >> the, the -- the bourbon street chicken. >> jimmy: you know, with the 2 for $20 menu -- ah, forget it. i'm just going to eat over here. >> dicky: apple bee's 2 for $20 menu with two new additions to the line-up -- bourbon street chicken and shrimp and cajun shrimp pasta. >> jimmy: "jimmy kimmel live" is back in two minutes with music from michael franti and spearhead -- quiet down -- and howard stern.
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even better, 2 for $20. with the all new flavors of bourbon street. that sounds good. swish! [ male announcer ] it's the big tournament, and you need some big flavors to go with it. so applebee's has jazzed up 2 for $20 bourbon street style. new bourbon street chicken & shrimp and cajun shrimp pasta. plus favorites like the 7 ounce house sirloin. one appetizer. two entrees. 20 bucks. 2 for $20, now with the flavors of bourbon street. only at applebee's. catch all the games here. to finish what you started today. for the aches and sleeplessness in between, there's motrin pm. no other medicine, not even advil pm, is more effective for pain and sleeplessness. motrin pm.
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>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- howard stern. and music from michael franti and spearhea with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" >> dicky: and now, here he is. here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, cleto. hi, i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. and a big baba booey to all of us here in the studio. you picked a good night to join us. the great and powerful howard stern is with us here.
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and so are his fans. it's an interesting group. howard stern fans and i include myself in this group, are strange and wonderful species. they're from all walks of life. they feed on krus day shans, fish and other marine life. they live in basements. they have sexual relations with their pillows. and if you're hoping to spot one in the wild, the best place to look is behind your local news reporter. >> this video is on youtube so we cannot verify its you a th authenticity -- >> kelsey grammer wears a dress, baba booey! >> jimmy: like 40 of those gentlemen in our audience tonight. howard was able to score a rare interview with charlie sheen this week. it was amazing. especially great because of sirius, you can say anything you
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want. they only take a commercial break when they feel like it and howard manages to get people to open up far more widely than they probably should. i wanted to play some of that interview but we, unfortunately, are subject to regulations of the fcc. so, in order to make ate little bit more palletable, we took the audio from the interview and combined it with video from the smurfs. >> you think you could ever allow me to hang out in that screening room and watch porn and [ bleep ] and watch your dad's movie with those air force dudes? like, i want to do that. >> you are welcome here any time. but i have to, you know, pull apocalypse off and put on lame porn. >> you banged t eed tabitha ste? >> yeah, when she was hot. >> how was that? >> i don't know, i was hammered.
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winning. >> jimmy: so, howard will be here in minutes. but a new episode of "american idol" tonight. randy jackson lately, randy is now the mean judge. he's been telling some of the singers this is his criticism, he says, your performances seem like karaoke. and i agree. some of the karaoke singers do seem like they're doing that on the karaoke competition show. the only differences is they don't have the words in front of them and most only them aren't drunk when they sing. i'm not sold on the new judges. there's a big hole since simon left. though, i will admit, one of the new judges is starting to grow on me. >> it's time for the ladies to take the stage. 12 of them will sing for your votes. what is so special about this group of girls? >> they're the best at what they do and i'm the best at what i do, and together, it's on. >> jimmy: well, sure. the guy is everywhere. i will say, i'm -- i'm starting to sufr from charlie sheen fatigue.
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i think i need a tiger blood transfusion or something. how long before he's in the ring at the wwe event? that's happening, right? winning. right? [ applause ] this is interesting. researchers have documented when they're calling astonishing behavior among monkeys. apparently monkeys will douse themselves with their own urine to help attract a mate. is that tonishing? they're monkeys. it's not like they found out oprah does this. they're monkeys. to me that doesn't seem that astonishing. the study was done at prince on the university. these are females. and watch what they do here. >> si have to pee. i'm going to pee right over here. >> i have a napkin in my purse. i have a napkin with a number. it's a number on it and i'll keep it always. >> ew, you peed on my foot. ew! ew! i got pee on my foot. >> jimmy: wait a minute, i they was from tonight's "jersey shore." same idea, though.
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same study. i will say that -- [ applause ] "jersey shore" does not -- it doesn't seem to crazy anymore now that we have charlie sheen. all of a sudden it's like watching "touched by an an gem." it's still very popular. snooki made the cover of "rolling stone." by the way, it looks like she's sitting on a rocket. she's actually having sex with the tinman in that picture. the first smoosh in space. if you watched our show before, you may be aware of the work of our security guard adelina. this is adelina guarding my life and eating my chips. i often wonder what adelina would do if something serious happened. i mean, she loo tough, but you never know. so, every once in awhile when she's lulled into a daze of lipstick and lotto numbers, we put her to the test. she guards the second floor. so, if we need a guy that looks like the president or play
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little bo peep, you wait in the hall near adina. we gave a guy a big box of pretend beeps to try to get an idea of how adelina operates under pressure. and here it is. there she is. beautying herself up. and here come the bees. >> are you looking for honey? >> no, it's bees. yellow jackets. >> jeyellow jackets? >> don't touch them. they're very, very dangerous. >> hi. how are you? >> good. i'm nick. >> sarah. just leave these here.
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the only way to stop a swarm is to attract the queen. hold this honey up. hold it up in the air. keep holding it. >> give me my honey, i'm the queen! [ applause ] >> jimmy: that's our team. next week, cobras. nice work, adelina. keep on keeping on, all right? all right, thank you. [ applause ] and we'll do it again next week and it will work again next week. hey, here's a story that bothered me today. a basketball player at brigham university in utah has been dismissed from the team, not suspended, dismissedrom the team, and could be expelled from the school, for having sex with his girlfriend. apparently this is a violation of the school's honor code. can you imagine? byu's honor code says students can't have sex, they can't lie, smoke, no drugs, no alcohol, no
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coffee. you have to go to church regularly. you're not even allowed to drink tea. which is why they've been named "playboy" magazine's number one party school. it's like they're living in that town from "footloose." this is brandon davdavies. he won the academic excellence award. he looks like a great kid and now he's out of school for doing what every person in this room except for me did in college, having sex. it's ridiculous. and the kid's being gracious about it, too. i don't like -- i mean, i -- i don't what to get up on mihm high horse, but somebody has to do something about this. excuse me for a second, if you would, because -- adelina? get out of the way.
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samuelson, the president of brighall university. listen up, cecil. you preside over a school that is named after a man who had 55 wives. brigham young had 55 wives. 55. there are players in the nba who don't have 55 kids. how can byu forbid sex until after marriage where at one time you allowed marriage after marriage? it doesn't make sense. and you know what brigham young did for a living? the man was a missionary. they named a sexual position after his job. and to top it off, your school mascot is the cougars. your team is named after middle aged women who today on young men for sex. and yet you are punishing a student for succumbing to the temptation of a woman's flesh. the bible itself tells us to go
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forth and multiply. who has heeded that more faithfully than this country's basketball players? i didn't know basketball players could play without having se this is the year 2011. times change. sex is natural. sex is fun. sex is best when it's one on -- you get the idea. why am i on a horse again? my point is this. punishing a college student for having sex is like punishing a shark for eating surfers. it what they do and i say this to cecil. do the right thing. reinstate brandon davies onto that team. and stay out of our children's pants. are you with me, people? [ applause ] they're with me. god bless america. and now, while i wait for someone to come help me down, it's time for "this week in unnecessary censorship." >> you wish you hadn't been done certain pathways?
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>> i tell people that are sort of glued to their past, if you walk back there and bring me a souvenir from that moment when your father [ bleep ] you in the closet -- >> to clarify, i do not [ bleep ] my mom. >> i've done "dancing with the stars," i've been chased by a kodiak bear, i [ bleep ] a man with a knife who was drunk. >> every guy in america wants to be charlie sheen. this guy can [ bleep ] baby seems, [ bleep ] puppies and then ask for $3 million an episode. >> now, would you put that [ bleep ] in your mouth? >> no, i would rub it all over my body. >> the pop star and her boyfriend busted. her man charged with dui. >> she was booked, she was finger [ bleep ] and put into a cell. >> she just wanted to see the elephant [ bleep ], man. >> how do you feel about [ bleep ] charlie? >> feel great about it, i [ bleep ] rachel, i [ bleep ] charlie, i love [ bleep ] both of them, so -- >> winning. >> if you know me, you should know this. i love a lot of things. i love the dodgers, i love my
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[ bleep ], i love [ bleep ] and i love some pancakes. >> jimmy: we have a good show tonight. music from michael franti and spearhead, and we'll be right back with howard stern, so come on back. [ male announcer ] applebee's 2 for 20 fans just can't get enough. -hi, sarah. -hey, it's my 2 for 20 club! back for new bourbon street entrees? -yeah. -bourbon street? i see we have a new member. -welcome to the club. -[ cheering ] [ male announcer ] because 2 for 20 is now jazzed up with the flavors of bourbon street. new bourbon street chicken & shrimp and cajun shrimp pasta. plus favorites like the 7 ounce house sirloin. one appetizer. two entrees. twenty bucks. 2 for 20. now with the flavors of bourbon street. only at applebee's. there's no place like the neighborhood. open 'til midnight or later. hd-3.
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>> jimmy: well, hello there, welcome back. we have a good one for you tonight. from music from their seventh album called "the sound of sunshine," michael franti and spearhead are here from the bud light stage. and, oh, if you missed our after the academy awards special on sunday night, can you see it again in its entirety tomorrow. tom hanks is with us and we have music from cee lo green.
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mike tyson and the hottie body hump club. those videos have more than 3 million views on youtube alone. it's a viral sensation, like herpes. if you want to see it on your television, we'll get you one. our first guest tonight is one of, if not the most influential figures in the history of broadcasting. he is an innovator, a masturbator -- who, after years of government oppression, can now be heard unshackled all day every day on siriusxm satellite radio. and now, with the new siriusxm app, you can listen to him live on your smart phone, too. please welcome the king of all media and a charlie sheen certified galactic wizard -- howard stern. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, hello there. >> wonderful. wonderful being here, jimmy, with you. you look fantastic. let me tell you, that bit on the
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horse was amazing. i have never seen anything like it. could have gone on another ten minute i'm telling you. >> jimmy: i know you are very excited to be here and i appreciate that. >> you know what, i don't want to seem like i'm an arrogant guy or something's wrong with me, but i have to tell you that i'm not commexcited to be here toni. what happened, sirius satellite radio, they wanted me to promote the fact that we're now on a cell phone, as you mentioned. and i want to be a team player, so, at the time, a couple of months ago, it sounded like a really good idea to say, hey, i'm a guy, i support my company, i'm the guy who is going to go out and promote this cell phone application and i'm going to do all the talk shows. and so i got all pumped up to do this. a week later, i realized, i don't like doing talk shows. and i can't stand it. but i already committed to doing this, so i'm here. so, on top of everything else, i
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got sick and being sick i thought for sure because you are a friend of mine, you would let me out of this thing -- >> jimmy: you knoll how your real friends don't let you out of things. they vomit on your bed spreads at your house and do all sorts of terrible things. i wanted to fit in with the rest of the guys. >> jimmy actually has become, believe it or not, a real friend of mine. what it reminds me of, i used to love watching talk shows. i watched tv and they would talk about the fact that had become friend s go on i have case. i thought it was great. i've been in therapy for a long time now. part of my therapy is, i should make some showbiz friends. i should reach out, meet people in the industry. and you seemed like a good guy to start with. what the audience doesn't know, we've gone away together on i have case and we've become friendly. >> jimmy: just the two of us. >> we do. and the reason i liked you is
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because i didn't feel threatened by you. at the time, you know, you've actually slimmed down. you look a lot better now, but when i first started being friendly with you, you were a big fat slob. you were also -- you were a guy who hadaccoon eyes. i don't nope hknow how you got them. and you were a big mess. you appeared to be going bald but you seem to have hair -- >> jimmy: i take the black from my eyes and rub it into the top of my head. >> you look fabulous. >> jimmy: thank you. but in all seriousness, you became a guy i didn't feel uncomfortable having my wife around you, i didn't feel like you were going to steal my wife, you were out of shape. you were my kind of guy, you know what i mean? and lo and behold, jimmy and i went to mexico together, at the time, you were with you girlfriend, i was with my wife. we had a vacation. and jimmy was quite fun. he was a big lummox. he didn't like to go anywhere. i like to hide in my room, too.
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jimmy would hide in his room. it was kismet. i thought we were getting along great. i found out you are a fun guy on i have case. >> jimmy: oh, yes. >> we went to mexico, a place called one and only. i'll tell the audience -- you don't mind? >> jimmy: go ahead. >> yeah, so we were in mexico and jimmy, the place was beautiful and one of the things about this place was the service. all of the people, all of the mexicans who worked there, catering to us white folks, all of the mexicans were wearing these strange, what would you call them, like a -- a sarapi. a caftan or something like this. every time they would see one of us they would greet us and put their hand over their heart and bow to us, if you remember. >> jimmy: yes. >> so, anyway, i go to my room and i come out and i'm walking around, i see one of these characters that works at the hotel walking towards me.
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he's doing this to everybody. and i'm getting closer and closer and i realize it's jimmy. jimmy went out and bought the outfit that the people wear who work there and would walk around posing as a worker there, greeting everybody. and i thought this was fantastic. >> jimmy: they sold it at the store. i had to buy it. why would they sell the outfit at the gift shop if they don't want you to wear it? >> it was weird. and you were walking around pretending to be one of these guys who worked at the hotel. and i said to myself, you know, this doesn't make sense. the way i work is, i'm a real deadbeat when am off the air. i'm not funny. i don't do anything funny. i sit in my room and stare at a wall. you, on the other hand, are a scream and a riot. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and it was really great to see. you're very outgoing and i said, why would anybody waste their time being funny if they're not on the air? seems like a huge waste of time.
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but you were into it. >> jimmy: jimmy the jokeman, your court jester. we had a lot of fun. >> we are friends and jimmy is a he really is. he's one of these guys if he comes to my house, the next day in the mail i get a gift. i always get a gift. you give me fabulous gifts. we went fishing one time. >> jimmy: we did. chased by a swan. >> and jimmy is an amazing guy. he knows how to use all the technology. he's got the ipad. and he goes to some website where he can get fishing gifts. the next day after we went fishing i got beautiful lures and fishing rods and all kinds. i went, wow, what a friend this guy is. he's very generous. and i was quite impressed. and i was telling your producers backstage that one of the gifts you got me one time, i don't know if you remember this, but you got me a painting. >> jimmy: yes, of course, for your wedding. >> do you remember that? >> jimmy: yes. >> so jimmy says to me, i found a fabulous artist this is my
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favorite artist and i sent you this as a wedding gift. it's a painting of myself and my wife and dog on the beach. now, if you saw this -- i never told jimmy this in my life. >> jimmy: oh, no. >> when weapon got this painting, we were so insulted. it was the worst painting you've ever seen in your life. it was absolutely horrible. i had these big thick legs wh no hair on them. my wife looked like brunhilda, a big bloelted balloon. it doesn't look like my dog. so, jimmy, i want to tell you that what we've done is, every time you come to my house, this painting sits in the attic. we take it out and we hang it on the wall and every time jimmy comes over -- [ applause ] it's fantastic. >> jimmy: i refuse to believe that's true. i do not believe that. >> it's really true. >> jimmy: is it? >> yes. every time you walk in the house we scramble, we take it out of the attic, it stays there for
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three days, jimmy walks by, isn't this artist terrific? i mean, i've never seen anything like it. i could retch right there. but anyway -- we do hide it. >> jimmy: i'm going to start making surprise visits to your home to make sure that is up there. >> don't you dare. >> jimmy: that is terrible. if you had any idea how much that painting cost me, i'd kill myself. >> what did that painting cost? i have to know. seriously. >> jimmy: $4,000. >> you are kidding me. i tell you -- that guy's a criminal. >> jimmy: all right, we're going to take a break here. we're going to talk about the howard stern siriusxm app. howard will talk to you all day long. we'll be right back. howard stern when we come back. at enterprise rent-a-car, we keep things pretty simple. simply treat our customers the way they should be treated.
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okay, ready for the food part? check it out. my warm and flaky croissant sandwiches. supreme or sausage. both made with fresh egg and melting cheese. you get 2 for just 3 bucks okay, i'm back, whoa- oh, i am so ready for this recession to be over. ♪ >> jimmy: hey now. we are back with howard stern. howard -- >> i got to tell you something. i feel like kirk douglas at the academy awards. that guy hijacked the academy awards. what the hell was that? you know, just because you've got a stroke doesn't mean you can go out there and carry on like that. i mean, come on. you've got to give people a break. i almost passed out during that. >> jimmy: i want to talk
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about -- >> how are you, jimmy? you all right? >> jimmy: doing great. >> you look good. i got to tell you. it's fantastic. i hope to god one of these days they give you a time slot where i can stay awake and watch you. i mean, this abc treats you horribly. >> jimmy: do you think you will ever, though, in your life stay awake past 10:00? i don't see that happening. >> well, you know, i do a radio show, of course, and i have to get up at 4:00 in the morning. so you know, to stay up and watch late-night television is very difficult. but you know i love you and i love what you're doing. i think this is fabulous where you're at. i mean, i -- sky's the limit for you. who knows what's going to happen? one day, i think bob eiger might actually return one of your phone calls. >> jimmy: that would be something. now, speaking of that, you watch "the bachelor." and i heard you saw the finale of "the bachelor." is that true? >> jimmy, i -- first of all, i do watch "the bachelor" and i watch it proudly. a lot of guys have called me wimpy because i watch "the bachelor" but i'm going to tell you something, i love it. abc, you're doing a great job with this show. and i love the fact that i'm the
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only guy who's actually seen the finale, i know who wins, and i love that jimmy can't even get that episode. >> jimmy: that's what i'm angry about. i don't get the finale. they don't trust me. i work here at the show, i have to talk about the show every monday night, and i have no idea what's going on. but you know who he picked. >> i do. do you actually watch "the bachelor"? >> jimmy: yes, i do watch the show. >> i want to recommend to men out there, because they think well, i don't want to watch "the bachelor," this is something that's not quite right, perhaps i'm effeminate if i watch it. but there's nobody more macho than me, jimmy. >> jimmy: yeah, for sure. >> but i find when i lay in bed with my wife and we watch "the bachelor," she thinks i am such a great catch after she watches that moron bachelor. that guy is the biggest dummy. you know, he's a very good-looking guy, but he's got the personality of an eggplant. and i've got to tell you something. when your woman is laying next to you and she's watching that idiot talk to these women, afterwards, i swear to you, every time i watch "the bachelor" with my wife she ends
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up making love to me. she's so grateful -- >> jimmy: it's like -- maybe charlie sheen should try that. you had charlie sheen on the show. he called in. and you have what i think is a brilliant idea for charlie that i hope he's considering seriously. >> well, you know, it was killing me. charlie sheen was going on every television show, every radio show. i said, i got to get this guy on my show. so i said to my producer, who you know, baba booey, fa-fa-fooey, i said, call up charlie. you know how to appeal to him. tell him howard is a warlock warrior and that i am prepared to go on the air with him and do battle because i was sued by cbs, as you know, and he's about to sue cbs. and i will commiserate him and support him and i will be there for him. and sure enough, he bought my [ bleep ] and we had him on the air. but -- i got to tell you, jimmy, i got a plan. >> jimmy: okay.
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>> because we're on sirius satellite radio, you know i have two 24-hour channels and i control the channels. i'm in charge of these channels. and i have said to charlie, i tweeted him, i had my producer call him. i said charlie, what we want to do is this. we want to put a microphone in your house. anytime you feel like going on the radio and doing a radio show, we'll break into our programming and you can have control of the airwaves, carte blanche, go on the air, and have charlie radio, 24 hours a day. because there's nothing better than that. and i mean it. winning. >> jimmy: winning is right. that's right. >> winning. winning, brother. so anyway, we're waiting to hear back from charlie. i'm sure any minute, once he gets done banging his head against the wall he's going to get in touch with me. >> jimmy: speaking of sirius radio, i put it on my phone, and i was a little confused at first as to how to do this. what phones can you get the app on? >> all right, as far as i understand -- first of all, this is a big deal for us at sirius satellite radio because before
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you could only get the satellite in your home, in your car. what's happened now is, it's available on your cell phone, jimmy. this is a big deal. this is almost like what the transistor radio was to a.m. radio for us here on satellite. so now you can carry us around with you. and i'm out here promoting, spreading the word. you can get it on your blackberry, android, and iphone, of course. and, believe me. i'm the only idiot from sirius going around promoting this thing. that oprah's got a channel. oprah has a channel on sirius, as you know, and where is she promoting this thing? why is she not on your show? >> jimmy: nowhere, nothing. >> they're paying her $50 million, jimmy. $50 million. and i don't hear her mention a word about the cell phone. >> jimmy: $50 million to be on -- wow. that is unbelievable. let me tell you something, your boss over there, every time i'm in the show, he says, we'd love to get you on the channel, but i think he wants me to do a charlie sheen where he wants me to go on and do it for nothing. >> i've sucked all the money out of that company and you're going
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to have to work for free. what can i tell you? but i'm the savior, of course. >> jimmy: so let's -- should we do the pretend thing where you hand me the phone or no? >> okay. i'm going to hand you the phone. so anyway, this is the phone. here. >> jimmy: oh, thank you for handing me the phone. [ cheers and applause ] >> wow. technology, man. >> jimmy: so you put the app on there -- >> jimmy, i miss hanging out with you. i really do miss hanging out with you. you're so much fun. >> jimmy: we have to get one of these hookups at the house. >> so you press that. >> jimmy: you got that little thing. you go right there and click it right to howard 100 and just like that -- >> brett michaels -- >> and you're there and you're listening to charlie sheen, you know -- >> jimmy: 24 hours a day. >> can i tell you something? jimmy, when i interviewed charlie sheen, i said to him, i got a good piece of information out of him. i said what's the deal -- i didn't care about all the stuff i heard on all the other interviews. i mean, we heard about how he's angry with "two and a half men." i wanted to know, how does it work with the two girls and who does he sleep with? and he described that he has two
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beds in his bedroom. one girl is in one bed, the other girl is in the other bed and then charlie, like king tut, chooses which girl he's going to sleep with. and you can imagine the look on that lucky girl's face who gets to sleep with charlie. here he comes! >> jimmy: could be worse. could be hefner. now, howard, of course, you mentioned -- >> could be me. >> jimmy: bababooe. i'm going to apologize to bababooey in advance. he's a merciless man and he's got to be kidding if he thinks i'm going to feel sorry for him. he threw a first pitch at shea stadium, which went a little something like this. okay. i very graciously gave him an opportunity to try again on television. and that went like this -- >> this was great. >> jimmy: and he hit a woman in the head.
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and that -- >> one more? >> jimmy: yes, and he hit a woman right in the head. and then robin was here and robin tried the same pitch and this is what happened. a perfect strike. a perfect strike. >> you know what's crazy about that? i said to baba booey, i said, on some level, you must know you can't throw a ball. i barely have a penis and i can throw a ball better than you is what i told him. but you know, if you know you can't throw a ball, why would you go to shea stadium and throw out the first pitch? you've got to be out of your mind. you're opening yourself up to ridicule. it's ridiculous. but he still hurts over this. every single day. >> jimmy: and this is a man whose decision-making you put in charge of your show. >> jimmy, it doesn't make any sense that i put this guy in charge of my show, quite frankly. think about it. you've got an executive producer i don't even know who it is. david letterman's executive producer. i don't see him, he doesn't go out and throw pitches at ball games. i have an executive producer,
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he's out at shea stadium trying to become a star. sit home and do your job. >> jimmy: it's all your own fault for putting everyone on the air. now, i'm going to hand you something, and i'd like you to take it. there we go. okay. >> you want me to throw a pitch? all right. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i thought it would be fun if we give this a try. >> well -- first of all, jimmy, you know, i've thrown a ball maybe five times in my entire life. i'm practically a woman. but i certainly know how to throw a ball and part of it is a windup. if you notice, gary did this kind of thing. he was halfway between a windup and he was doing this. what you've got to do is one of these things. like this. right? >> jimmy: yeah. >> and then like this. >> jimmy: yep. >> and then up and then wham. that's it. >> jimmy: exactly. [ applause ]
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it's so simple. howard, well, you know what, i apologize for asking you to do the show. i'm very, very sorry that i did that but i do appreciate it -- >> jimmy. i love being here even though i'm sick, i can't tell you how much fun i've had, quite frankly. i mean, this is a thrill. >> jimmy: and you are a warlock with magical powers, as you established with charlie sheen. and in fact -- >> yes. i've got to -- well, i need to fly home, jimmy. >> jimmy: you need to fly home. well, maybe we can do this with your magic powers. let me just lift you up right there. >> good-bye, everybody. good-bye, jimmy. >> jimmy: and push. the great howard stern, everyone. listen to him on sirius satellite radio every day and now the sirius app on your cell phone. we'll be right back with music from michael franti and spearhead. ♪
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it's like hardwiring the market right into my desktop. launch my watchlist -- a popping stock catches my eye. pull up the price chart. see what the analysts say. as i jump back, streaming video news confirms what i thought. pull the trigger -- done. i can even do most of this on my smartphone. really, it's incredible.
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♪ tonight won't last for long and soon it will be gone ♪ ♪ but i won't leave you alone no no whenever you call me whenever you need me ♪ ♪ wherever you wander until you see me ♪ ♪ i'll be waiting i'll be waiting i'll be waiting i'll be waiting for you for you for you for you ♪ ♪ for you ♪ for you ♪ the best things in life are things the laughing and crying the best things
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in life are things ♪ ♪ the frightened they're still fighting ♪ ♪ do you believe me ♪ i said do you believe me yeah ♪ ♪ when i say tonight won't last for long soon it will be gone ♪ ♪ but i won't leave you alone no no whenever you call me whenever you need me ♪ ♪ wherever you wander until you see me ♪ ♪ i'll be waiting i'll be waiting i'll be waiting i'll be waiting for you for you
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for you for you ♪ ♪ for you for you ♪ for you ♪ you said that you were leaving but it's all right all right it's all right all right ♪ ♪ you said you were sorry ♪ but it's all right all right yes it's all right ♪ ♪ all right make some noise y'all! ♪ the best things in life are things broken and bleeding the best things in life are things ♪ ♪ they're chosen to believe in ♪ so whenever you call me whenever you need me wherever you wander until you see me ♪ ♪ i'll be waiting i'll be waiting
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it's french's crunchy onion chicken! (announcer) for a quick and easy dinner crush french fried onions. dip chicken in egg. coat with onion crumbs and bake. when dinner's made with french's french fried onions, everyone's happy. french's. happy starts here. look for it in the canned vegetable aisle.
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