tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC March 10, 2011 12:00am-1:05am PST
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yet somehow, they made it ten decades. and counts. >> thanks, john. thank you for watching abc news. check in tomorrow for "good morning america." until tomorrow, good night, america. tonight on "jimmy kimmel live." >> oprah, honey, i shaved my legs. >> i thought this sign summed it up. >> daddy's home. >> and sarah shahi. >> there's no difference between your hand and your boob.cbcbcbcb
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>> jimmy: hi, everyone. i'm jimmy. thank you for being here. thank you very watching. thank you for everything. how many of you are here tonight because it's too cold to go home? you are not able to go to your own home? anyone? [ applause ] you wouldn't know it from being here, but a massive snowstorm is piling on parts of the united states. experts say the best thing to do is hunker down. experts say do this? how is that going to help? and when you hunker, why do you have to do it down? there is a heat wave through florida. authorities are urging people to hunker up. this is a big storm and a long one. the storm stretches 2,000 miles and will leave a third of the country covered in snow. america looks like charlie sheen's coffee table now.
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and of course -- [ laughter ] folks who are unfortunately hit hardest in a storm like this are the weathermen. >> it will melt to rain. the cold air will keep us below the surface and that spells that nasty four-letter word, ice. >> jimmy: with two cs. this is why he's not their math reporter i guess. meteorologists are predicting a three-day white out. apparently, no one told mother nature it's black history month. these are some of the cities that are affected. see if you see yours. >> they're seeing a storm, the worst in 40 years. at least 40 years. >> they removed 30 tons of ice. >> it's a thick coating of ice. >> hundreds of power outages.
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reported on both sides of the river. this thing is just getting cranked up. >> the temperatures now with the windchill, 8 degrees. >> with windchills here in denver, 30 degrees below zero. >> i can't see more than about 30 yards in every direction here. >> have you stepped outside tonight? it's so chilly? >> i did. it's so cold. i turned around and ran back in. >> we're at 48 degrees right now. >> jimmy: we're suffering through it. 48 degrees last night. the high today was 64 degrees. that was fahrenheit too. i feel bad for the kids in l.a. they don't close school. if kids in l.a. want to build a snowman, there's no snow. there are kids outside the building right now, they're
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building a snowman out of breast implants. our most abundant natural resources. can you hear me? >> yeah. >> jimmy: are you having fun? >> yeah. >> jimmy: what is the name? >> jimmy. >> jimmy: what is he wearing? >> booby covers. >> jimmy: covers? all right. and you named him after me? >> yeah. >> jimmy: make sure to give those back to mommy when you're done. >> all right. >> jimmy: one of the most dangerous things about storms like this is the roads when they get covered with ice. headline news reporter ed lavandera. they must not like this guy. they sent him to oklahoma city to stand in the middle of the street. not the wisest place to be. >> we have heard of power outages in oklahoma and that can
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change in the coming hours. we have a truck here kind of pushing snow now. could push snow but, sorry, you have to be careful as they drive by. want to make sure they don't lose control or something like that. >> jimmy: now he's a real life snow angel. some areas of the midwest are getting two inches of snow per hour. what happened to global warming? wasn't that supposed to kick in now? al gore is too busy dating. to get this thing going. oh, he's divorced, right? thousands of flights have been canceled. thousands of travelers are stuck at the airport. there's never been a better time to own stock in cinnabon than a time like now. some businesses do well.
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airports. hotels. mitten manufacturers. and for some businesses, it brings a chance to rub it in a little. >> look, it's the snuggie. you laughed when we tried to sell you one. and who is laughing now when you are freeze death, and you can think of all the people who are cozy and warm in the snuggies. you stupid idiot. hey, look. here is the toll free number. don't bother calling it. it's too late. snuggie, you had your chance. >> jimmy: i think the snuggie people are arrogant. in egypt, the unrest continues. is unrest a good word? unrest is one of the ungoodest words ever. i think a better way to describe what's going on over there is people are going nuts in egypt.
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they're out in the streets. defying government forces. they're especially angry because they tried to prevent them from seeing justin bieber. bieber fever has no ethnic boundary. it turns out, they don't walk like egyptians at all. they walk regular like us. they want hosni mubarak to step down by friday. that's the deadline. they are tired of living under a brutal dictatorship and they are demanding to live under a brutal islamic dictatorship. they are tired of a president named hosni. this sign, up your hosni with a rubber hosni. they just saw "welcome back, kotter" over there. mubarak said he will retire in
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five years, then and that job off to conan. so he should leave. even brett favre is like, come on, man, retire. you're embarrassing yourself. hey, those boobs are for implanting, not throwing, kids. don't make me come out there. isn't that sad? all right. i don't know what they are throwing at. they don't have a lot of experience. meanwhile, things are -- you'll be very happy to know -- going well in denmark. this is a clip from a danish game show. it's called total blackout. they put the contestants in total darkness. they can't see anything while they play. and they ask the contestants to identify a variety of items using a sense of smell. all i can say is i hope i never end up on a danish game show. >> bay leaf.
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roast? swiss sock? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what happens in the bonus round? my gosh. that is a game show drew carey should be hosting. very popular amongst dogs. that show. this was kind of funny. in reagan international airport, snooki crossed paths with new york senator charles schumer. the photographers tried to get
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sna snooki to say hi to him, but she blew him off. snooki doesn't have time for every senator that wants to talk to her. is anybody surprised she didn't know who charles schumer was? she probably couldn't pick out president obama out of line of presidents. maybe she ignored him because they've hooked up before who knows? sean diddy combs is being sued. for $1 trillion. a woman named valley joyce wilson turks claims diddy caused 9/11. put their child in a wheelchair and stole a poker chip with, quote, $100 zillion. if he did do that, he should give it back. maybe this is why he changes his name every eight months. the money she asked for, she had to break down. she broke it down to $900
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billion in child support and another $100 billion for loss of the income. she must make a lot of money. is this oprah suing diddy? federal regulators offered their most blunt nutrition guidelines yesterday. they are warning about sugary drinks and they want us to eat less. a great message to send the week of the super bowl. thanks for the tip, five days for the super bowl. before i mow through a tub of wings and a bucket of nacho cheese. even just hearing about the things we're not supposed the eat makes me hungry for them. otherwise, for your information, government, there are plenty of women who appreciate the ample hips and full breasts of a full-figured man. thank you very much. i don't need you to tell me what not to eat. when i have a health related question, anyone does, there is
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one source we turn to and that is dr. uncle frank. >> dr. uncle frank here happy to keep you healthy. we have questions. the first question of the day is from philip in wichita, kansas. what food is the best and which is the worst? for me, sweets. strawberry shortcake, my, god. the worst is vegetables. i can't digest vegetables. too many colors. sweets help me. i'm 77 like a 42-year-old ex-soldier. [ applause ] >> jimmy: 42-year-old. and one more thing, all this going on, i wouldn't feel right without at least briefly updating you on the charlie sheen situation. you know, you might think that
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with all the stories about the drugs and the porn stars and god knows what else that his show would suffer. you could not be more wrong. "two and a half men" was the most watched show on television last night. and it was a rerun. i don't know if people thought he might bring the porn stars to the set. i'll say this, the negative ratings brought people to cbs. and other networks are trying to get their own piece of the action. >> he's got family a job and one bad habit. >> daddy's home. >> andy dick is -- crack dad. >> get off of me! get him off of me! >> crack dad tuesdays on fox. >> party time. >> jimmy: yeah, followed by a new heroin town.
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>> jimmy: welcome back. tonight on the show, from "fairly legal" on usa network -- a former dallas cowboy cheerleader. turned star. so make sure everyone is smiling really hard when she comes out. sarah shahi is here with us. tomorrow night, josh brolin will be here. camille grammer from "the real housewives of beverly hills," and music from tinie tempah. on thursday, kim kardashian, along with alex trebek.
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and music from one eskimo. is it one eskimo? our first guest is a platinum-selling recording artist by night, and an oscar winning actor by day. his newest record is called "best night of my life." it looks just like this. please say hello to the shy but likeable jamie foxx. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how you are you? >> so pumped. i see you. now, it's a plethora of people in here. a lot of caucasians. did you foe know that that was a
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soul clap you were doing? give me a soul clap. [ applause ] all right, right. it's black history month. you right on time. y'all always do that. we don't do that anymore. i got it, jamie. i got it, jamie. we do this now. we do this now. hey. hey. >> jimmy: that is one of those things you see a guy will have learned that and he continues doing it at every wedding. >> won't let it go. >> jimmy: they should let it go though. >> especially at the basketball games, like, the dance cam. >> jimmy: do you celebrate black history month? >> even if i eat sushi, i fry it. >> jimmy: nice. [ laughter ] >> all black. i'm all black. everything. everything is fried. i eat chicken just out in public. just -- get all of that. and too, a lot of white girls,
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they like to go out with me and i said, listen, for 28 days i can't. no white girls for 28 days. >> jimmy: that is quite a sacrifice. >> i gotta sacrifice. i have to schedule them in march, which is st. patrick's day, so cool. >> jimmy: dr. king is smiling on you now. >> i have a dream that one day, little black boys will get together with little white girls and have a baby. i'm kidding. i'm kidding. you foe that is going to be on youtube. jamie foxx defiles dr. martin luther king. >> jimmy: it's a dream. sometimes you dream weird things. you won an academy award across the street from here. [ applause ] where do you keep it? >> i don't keep the oscar with me. i have a lot of friends that don't have a social security number.
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then in the back, they're like, man, that's why he don't keep that around. i'm not saying their criminals. even when i won the oscar, i didn't go to the "vanity fair" joint. everybody was like, with you going to "vanity fair "? i was like, no, i'm going to kick it with the homeys. i went to the party and they took the trophy out of my hands and i lost the trophy for 45 minutes. >> jimmy: no way. >> and over in the corner, i think people were smoking medicinal. and he was like, man, i got contact. and you know how he is like this. and by the time he got through my friends, he was like this. >> jimmy: he turned into the heisman.
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it's probably for the best you don't have it in the house then. >> i think he filed a complaint on me. >> jimmy: when you hear about charlie sheen, do you go, oh, please, that's nothing. >> that just a thursday for me. a couple hookers and cocaine. that is -- just kidding. >> jimmy: more than a couple hookers. are you -- you're just -- >> that is tough though. it's tough when you party like that. i hope charlie gets it together. it's tough when you're in that lane. so shout out to you, man. i hope you get it together. >> jimmy: yeah. well said. >> no, i'm serious. you party, you hang out. >> jimmy: my parties have candles and cake. and they're not that good, no. >> i saw you out though. >> jimmy: i saw you at dinner. you and chris rock were having dinner. >> can you imagine being out
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with jimmy kimmel and chris rock. how funny is that? what? [ applause ] soul clap. >> jimmy: one more shout out to charlie sheen for the heck of the it. >> shout out, there. hang in there, brother. did he go to rehab? >> jimmy: i heard he's going to rehab in his house. >> oh, i don't know how that's going to work. >> jimmy: house hab. >> house hab. >> jimmy: i think it's interesting. you won an academy award. you had a successful music career. and i can't think of -- the blues brothers. has actually had -- >> eddie murphy. >> jimmy: wae, yeah, he had that song -- ♪ my girl wants to party all the time ♪
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i know what you mean. it's tough because when you sing, but you do jokes, like early in my career, i played a character called wanda on "in living color." hey. as a matter of fact, we're going to do a movie. myself and martin lawrence. he is going to play shanana and i'm going to play wanda. and it was hard to go from hey, for real, to -- ♪ hey, for real the way i got back into music. a kid walks in my place. i'm throwing a party for puffy. and puff is like a crystal and bentley tsunami. here comes puff. we're in the puffy tsunami.
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it was crazy. and i'm throwing a party and a kid walks on with a backpack and his jaw was messed up. who am i talking about? kanye west. and kanye west comes to my crib and says i have a song. it's called snow jams. and i said, first i need to hear you rap. and he rapped and i said that incredible. and i said, she says he wants marvin gaye and -- and he's like, what are you doing? i said, i'm trying to put the r& b sauce on it. and he said, sing it. and after it sung it, said this song ain't got no sauce on it. and i left and did a bad movie. i came back after my career was on life support. and when i got back, i went to miami and they said, you know that song you fronted on.
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it's number one right now. and it went from that to -- ♪ she took my money when i'm in need ♪ so from that, that's how i got back into music. >> jimmy: that is really unbelievable. you don't know kanye at the time. i like how he is ordering you around after about five minutes after walking into the house with his back pac on. >> yeah, but, you know what? he was a kid then. and he was a little nervous about his career. jay-z was there. puff was there. and you know, now -- >> jimmy: yeah, you get all the big guys to sing on the album. justin timberlake is on there. with you. >> yeah, j.t. >> jimmy: and t.i. >> yeah, t.i.
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some. >> jimmy: and soulja boy. do cow call them guys and ask them -- >> rick ross, i'm the biggest fan. i like rick ross because he says my name and he always puts an "st" at the end of it. >> jimmy: how is that? >> he says, foxxst. but the way i get them, i promise them they are going to be in movies. >> jimmy: and have you come through on any of the movies promises? >> i'm waiting for the movies to get written. >> jimmy: i want to see you and martin lawrence in dresses sitting at lunch. >> or god forbid we are mad. didn't i tell you -- oh, my breast, breast lady, please. double-stick tape please. women go through that. >> jimmy: you are doing a stretch comedy show.
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>> got a sketch comedy show. anybody want some jokes, want some laughs? [ applause ] >> jimmy: will you be on the show? >> i will be on the show here and there. i found a great talent. athion crockett. by next year, you will be clapping and know. he is a genius. and jonathan kipe. a young lady named bresia miles. and listen, we go for it. when you see me dressed as mo'nique, and mariah carey and gabby sidibe. rewith going.
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and you say, hey, sisters, hey. yes, baby. yes! [ cheers and applause ] yes, baby, yes. >> jimmy: well, i have to say -- >> the black girls like that. mo'nique is like, i'm going to tell you right now, sisters. oprah, baby, honey, i don't shave my legs. i'm going to tell you right now. baby. yes. >> jimmy: well, i tell you what, you have blossomed into a very fine young woman. you really have. that is jamie's new album. "best night of my life" is available now. you are going to do songs? jamie foxx, everybody. we'll be right back with sarah shahi. [ lopez ] beautiful skin... ♪ i'm your venus ♪ i'm your fire ...needs protection. introducing venus proskin with moisture rich shave gel bars enhanced with a triple blend of body butters
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wonder where the durango's been for the last two years? well, it toured around europe, getting handling and steering lessons on those sporty european roads. it went back to school, got an advanced degree in technology. it's been working out -- more muscle and less fat. it's only been two years, but it's done more in two years than most cars do in a lifetime.
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abababababababababababababababad a good night's sleep. but it's done more in two years kim: which means a little heat to keep us warm. and a good dose of support for my back. some over the top comfort couldn't hurt. and our perfect dream factory's been built. i'm feeling sleepy already. nighty night. >> jimmy: we're back. still to come, music from jamie foxx. our next guest is one of very few former dallas cowboys
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cheerleaders to go on to a successful career in acting. in television. i think rachel maddow is the only other one. her show is called "fairly legal." watch it thursday nights at 10:00 on usa. please welcome sarah shahi. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thanks for coming. >> oh, thank you. thank you for having me. >> jimmy: i'm surprised jamie foxx let you come out here. >> he did warm up the audience. >> jimmy: that is nice. did i pronounce your name correctly? >> yeah, shahi. that is not my original. >> jimmy: what is? >> it's ahu jahasu shahi. >> jimmy: ahu?
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>> it means gazelle. >> jimmy: ahu jahasu shahi. and why did you change it? >> it's funny you asked. in school, i got tormented. >> jimmy: i would have been one of the tormenters. what did they call you? >> they called me, yoo hoo. and i was yahoo! before there was a yahoo!. i would start to go along with it. and i came up with one before theirs. and i came with up achoo. yeah that is me. and i was in the car with my mom. >> jimmy: how old? >> 8. >> jimmy: that young? >> yeah. and i was in the second grade and i said, i want to be vicky from "small wonder." do you think i look like vicky?
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>> jimmy: no. >> and then jefferson starship's song was on. and sarah. and i was like, anything. >> jimmy: good thing it wasn't sister christian or something like that. >> it took me a year to figure out where i "h" went. >> jimmy: the "h" is optional. just tell people, the "h" is for hot. that should be your line. and then, how did you get -- how and why do you become a dallas cowboys cheerleader? >> i was in a musical at smu. i was in chicago. i always wanted to be an actress.
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i don't know how to do it. there was a girl who said, why don't you try out for a dallas cowboys cheerleader. she said, they were on saturday night live back in 1995 and i figured, that is my way in. >> jimmy: really? >> that's my way in. and i tried out, made the team. haven't been on "saturday night live" yet. but here i am with my own show. >> jimmy: you play a lawyer? >> a recovering lawyer. >> jimmy: a recovering lawyer? >> a recovering lawyer is how i like to describe her. and she is a mediator. and it's like "law and order" meets "sex and the city." and it could be like your favorite show. like your favorite show. like your favorite show. >> jimmy: like "sopranos." >> it's just like "the sopranos."
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>> jimmy: was your mom excited. >> my told me at a young age there is no difference between your hand and your boob. >> jimmy: let's have a shake first. what? wait a minute. there is no difference between your hand and your boob? >> she was just -- >> jimmy: high five. really? [ cheers and applause ] >> oh, my god. >> jimmy: is your mom crazy? >> jimmy. >> jimmy: please explain this. >> okay, my mom was trying to get across the point that if you got it, you should be proud of it, you should flaunt it. because you're not doing it when you're 83. you should do it now. she wouldn't let me buy a bra when i was a kid.
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>> jimmy: what? she felt like it hindered the growth. >> jimmy: we have one out of the snowman. she felt it hindered the growth. to wear a bra. wow, i like that. >> i was the girl that would wear seven t-shirts in p.e. class. because i wasn't allowed to have a bra. and so, yeah, one day -- and i developed early and got tormented along with the name. it was a disaster. so, yeah, no, i got invited to my first boy and girl birthday party. and i come out. i wear this baggy t-shirt and jeans. and she is like, that's not my daughter. my daughter wears something s y sexier than that. i went back and put on a pair of
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daisy dukes and jeans and she is like, that's my girl. i was 10. >> jimmy: did your mom dress like that? >> yes, she does. you know what? she wanted to come. she left for texas tonight. she would have been here. >> jimmy: you go and get the lasso out and we will have her teach the world. it's great to meet you. congratulations on the success of the show. the show is called "fairly legal." it airs thursday nights at 10:00 on usa. sarah shahi, everyone. we'll be back with jamie foxx.
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so it wasn't me? well, you provided the love. [ male announcer ] experience. lowe's. let's build something together. come into lowe's for buy-one-get-one-free garden seed packs. ♪ >> jimmy: here with the title track from his latest cd, "best night of my life," jamie foxx. >> "jimmy kimmel live," coming to you all. ♪ girl can i be real i just want to feel on your booty that's not a big deal ♪ ♪ shawty you drinkin on that martini i wanna see you in a bikini or better yet a thong ♪ ♪ baby what's wrong trying to tell your girls what's you purpose of this song ♪
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♪ oh i want you closer you look like a model off of a poster ♪ ♪ i want to get ya to the car to the crib up the stairs ♪ ♪ to the bed in the morning you'll be cooking us eggs ♪ ♪ oh baby i love the smell of your perfume and if we were kids i'd be breaking curfew ♪ ♪ to stay up with you ♪ you gon need a scarf wrap your head 'cause it's gon get wild if we keep lovin like this ♪ ♪ we might make a child a daughter a son whichever one girl you're second to none ♪ ♪ i'm feeling good i'm having fun this is the best night of my life we ♪ ♪ off the patron and both of us gone girl this gon be the best night of my life ♪ ♪ you coulda been anywhere in the world but you're right here with me girl ♪ ♪ and if we go home and make love this could be the best night of your life ♪ ♪ so girl let me ask you
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a question while we're sipping bub are you going home with me ♪ ♪ after the club that's a yes or a no i'm just letting ya know where this night can go ♪ ♪ and girl i'm hoping you see things my way cause i just want your love to stay tonight tonight ♪ ♪ if we keep loving like this we could make a child, a daughter a son because you're second to none ♪ ♪ this could be this could be the best night of your life ♪ ♪ but you're right here with me girl if we go home and make love it could be the best night of
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your life ♪ >> come on! ♪ this could be this could be the best night of your life ♪ ♪ oh, yes it could ♪ i'll show you you show me i'll keep you as my wife ♪ ♪ this could be the best night of your life ♪ ♪ this could be the best night of your life ♪ ♪ the best night of your life the best night of your life ♪ ♪ the best night the best night the best night of your -- ♪ [ applause ] [ male announcer ] new extra dessert delights.
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>> so, ah, your seat good? got the mirrors all adjusted? you can see everything ok? just stay off the freeways, all right? i don't want you going out on those yet. and leave your phone in your purse, i don't want you texting. >> daddy... ok! ok, here you go. be careful. >> thanks dad. >> and call me--but not while you're driving. we knew this day was coming. that's why we bought a subaru.
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>> jimmy: tomorrow, josh brolin, camille grammer and music from tinie tempah. i want to thank sarah shahi. i want to thank this man, jamie foxx. i want to apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. playing us off the air with "yep, that's me," jamie foxx. good night. >> los angeles, we came to party tonight, y'all. we came to get on the show tonight, y'all. here we go. ♪ yep that's me i'm in the drive ♪ ♪ i'm in the club going strong we're in the back
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