new. we hope you check out "good morning america." until tomorrow, good night, america. >> dicky: up next on "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> the american people don't care that much. >> dicky: sharon osbourne. >> would you like to smell my fingers. >> dicky: bruin na know tonioli and music from the sounds. >> jimmy: a man in queens

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>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight, sharon osbourne. from "dancing with the stars," bruno tonioli. and music from the sounds. with cleto and the cletones. and now, fasten your safety belts, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ]

>>. >> jimmy: hi, everyone. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching and showing up to see us here. here is what we're going to do tonight. when i downtown three, everyone start lafring. one, two, three. [ laughter ] i wish i thought of this years ago. it's easier than writing jokes. president obama, our president, addressed the nation from washington, d.c., tonight. it was the first time in history that the president has gone to apologize for his final four picks. he explained libya and his plan to bomb virginia commonwealth for misses up his bracket. he shot the pirates in indian

ocean. it's almost like he took the nobel prize as an insult. unless snooki is going to libya, the american people don't care that much. we are very busy. i will be honest, all i know about lib yarks they gave doc brown the plutonium in "back to the future." the president announced the new season of "dancing with the stars." what do you think is going to last long center i'm going with moammar. i love "dancing with the stars." it combines my love of ball room dancing with my love of ralph

machio. and kirstie al listen, hines ward tied for the top scores tonight. and thank goodness. i lost a lot of money on college basketball. three e seed connecticut is going to play kentucky and butler goes up against vcu. is what happens when you let steven tyler and j. lo pick the winners. i never heard of vcu. this is the first time in history no number ones or two seeds made it to the final four. kansas was number one. they were expected to crush vcu. take a look at this guy. >> he was indicating foul and

i'm sure they talked about it in the time-out. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: the saddest little bird you have seen. at least he has a folk beak to sop up the tears. i wonder if the bird made it on the way home. big news from lady oprah. her company come lined that the final show will air april 25th. the mayans were right. the world is going to end in 2012. look out, steadman. oprah is inviting all her friends to join her to watch the final episode and all run down the hillside and brown themselves in the pacific ocean. he is did something called a tweetothon last night which was her tweeting for a long time.

and one was a candid video. it was shot to promote her powerful sunday night lineup on her cable channel. >> hi, on the treadmill. 4.0. hate it. but getting the work out in. i will be ready for the tweetathon tonight. from behind the scenes on own. turn the camera off. turn the camera off! >> you are so fired. >> jimmy: that doesn't count as running. don't ask me why but i went on -- i went on the oprah channel website. and some of the shows they have, one of them is "in the bedroom with dr. laura." no thank. "prison wives."

and big bowl of love" and another show called "say yes to the dress" and camp to the pants. this is something that is excited. a poisonous and deadly cobra disappeared from the bronx zoo in new york. they haven't been able to find it but they say, don't worry, bring the kids. do you think anyone is at the zoo today? here is the story. >> a potentially deadly snake is missing from the bronx zoo. zoo keepers don't think it's gone far. an egyptian cobra slithered out of its enclosure. they are confident the snake is isolated in a nonpublic area of the building. even so, they are on edge.

>> you need to hide your kids, hide your wife. >> jimmy: what? they are rage something [ cheers and applause ] fortunately -- he is wearing his snake proof bandanna. they are doing their best before it gets to a cab. why hasn't the mayor called gi joe? they should release it in the spider-man musical. a man in queens thought to have seen the snake but turns out he was a meth addict and the snake husband his arm. we sent my cousin sal to the streets. and snakes are getting on planes

these days. we sent sal out with a video camera and a snake on a stick to scare people. and here's how they went. >> where you from? >> vancouver, canada. >> i don't know if you heard the story about the king cobra snake that escaped in america. you did hear? >> no. >> they say it's nothing to worry about. are you afraid? >> not -- >> not my favorite. >> ah. >> you did make a big deal out of it? >> i think i would be worried. >> oh! >> oh, look. >> oh! no. >> no? >> you ever have an encounter with a snake? >> yeah. >> what happened? >> i killed it. >> by ignoring it? >> whoa.

>> oh! >> got her. nobody knows where it is. they think they will find it. >> another victim. claims another victim. [ cheers and applause ] before we go any farther, i want to wish a happy birthday to lady gaga. it is her 25th birthday. as if he is is watching. 25 years ago today, little baby gaga came out of an egg. she celebrated her birthday tonight at the staples center but she wasn't in or at a concert. >> the clippers go for the bonus and go go goes to the line. and clippers, 3 for 8. and go gaga, unbelievable.

>> jimmy: he played point guard for the clippers tonight. because they're not very good. this is something, i don't know what to make of this. lindsay lohan's in mom did an interview and said her daughter is planning to drop her name. he is will be known as lindsay. he is wants to be loan known as her first name only. just like oprah, insed of giving things away, he is steams them. he is wants to separate herself from our awful father to took the opportunity to strap on a baseball cap and go on tv. >> first of all, i don't think it's true at all. i would never imagine any of my kids changing their last names.

especially lindsay. >> jimmy: it's the nak. the one i spoke of earlier. turned out he was right. a representative said, she is not dropping her name. her father died of nothing. sad news from the world of glue. the inventor of super glue, henry coover jr. died. he was this close to getting it off his finger. this is sad. tyler saw a tornado and instead of running for coverage, he grabbed his video camera. >> we got a twister. do you see the twister? do you see the twist center oh, my god. hello? yeah, i'm getting under -- there a tornado right over our house, mom. it's a tornado.

it's a huge tornado. i'm getting it on videotape. i'm inside, mom. i got go. i'm going to shut the door. it's right above us, mom. it's hailing golf balls. all right, bye. god, it's ripping stuff apart. it's a tornado, guys. oh, my god! if you could see that. oh, my god! it landed! oh, my god. tornado! tornado! >> jimmy: he was carried away, never to be heard from again. [ applause ] did you ever seen a tornado, guillermo? >> yeah. >> jimmy: where? >> on tv. >> jimmy: well, be careful. one thing, you may recall, "the

king's speech" was a big winner at the oscars and many young viewers didn't get to see it because of the profanity. and the movie was rated "r" and the winestein company is rereleasing it as a p zbrks-13 and they rereleased it. maybe because it's edited but i don't see a difference. >> i can kill your husband. ♪ >> pope, pope. >> you know the "f" word? >> fudge, fudge, fudge. >> yes. >> jimmy: well, that's -- you

see. [ applause ] we got a good show tonight. from "dancing with the stars," judge bruno tonioli is with us, muds frick the sounds and we will be back with sharon osbourne so stick around. [ woman ] thursday! finally! dinner with the girls tonight. i really want dessert. i better skip breakfast. yep, this is all i need. [ stomach growls ] [ female announcer ] skipping breakfast to get ahead? research shows that women who eat breakfast, like the special k breakfast, actually weigh less. now in new multigrain oats and honey. with honey kissed whole grains... you'll never want to skip breakfast again. make your breakfast beautiful.

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there was a lot that i'd guessed at, and i have a feeling i guessed wrong. [ announcer ] don't leave money on the table. h&r block. never settle for less. everyone experiences it differently. new 5 react two. stimulate your senses. >> jimmy: hi, there. and thank you for watching. we got a great show. our show tonight is comprised entirely of foreigners. except for me and guillermo. from italy, you can see him critiquing celebrity cha-chas every week on "dancing with the stars," judge bruno tonioli is here. and then, representing sweden with music from this album -- it comes out tomorrow. it's called "something to die

for." [ cheers and applause ] the sounds from the bud light outdoor stage. tomorrow night, we'll be joined by our pal johnny knoxville. we'll console our first "dancing with the stars" castoff, and britney spears. will be hire as well. preparing for her arrival. and later this week danny mcbride, sara ramirez, david beckham, wes craven and music from sum 41 and duran duran. so please join us. our first guest tonight is a pioneer. he is revolutionized the way we look at family, reality television, and the "f" word. you can see her now on her very best behavior every weekday on "the talk." please say hello to sharon osbourne. [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: how is everything? greet see you. you look great. >> thank you. so do you. >> jimmy: thank you. >> you look very prepty. >> jimmy: i got a new tie and everything. the last time you were here was before your show went on the air. and you could on the name one of two of your co-hosts on the show. do you know who your co-hosts are now? >> it depends what happens the night before. no, i do. of course i do. >> jimmy: who are they? >> sara, leah, and holly. >> jimmy: that is right. you guys went on a teen building retreat this weekend? >> we did it last friday, yes.

fabulous. >> jimmy: was it really good? >> no, it's weird. there is a lady that is hyped up telling you to do all these things and she is a robot, telling you to do this and this. leah was like, can i change this? can i sit over there. and she goes, i want to do this. and she said n ten minutes. and she said, i'm going now. and she said, in ten minutes. a bit like a schoolteacher. >> jimmy: what was the idea? to get you to -- >> it was time for us to spend time with the producers and get to know each other. it took off so quickly. we were put together with the producers and next thing you know, you are 50 shows in and you don't know each other. >> jimmy: because you talk about work stuff. do you think it was a positive stuff for the group? >> yeah. >> >> jimmy: was there sharing and crying? >> there was crying.

one person cried. >> jimmy: there was crying. that is good. >> i always love the tears. >> jimmy: what cried? the teacher? >> um, leah. >> jimmy: she wanted to get out of there. >> she wanted to get out of there for a cigarette. >> jimmy: that is technically kidnappi kidnapping. did you say together or have separate rooms? >> no, we didn't spend the night. >> jimmy: guillermo and i went on trips and we did share a room. just for the fun. we learned a great deal. i learned about guillermo, in montreal, span sish a lot closer to french than english is he acted like at translater. >> just lost me. >> jimmy: how is ozzy? >> he is in south america.

he is in rio. just got off stage. >> jimmy: you guys talk every day? >> yeah. several times a day. >> jimmy: really? and now, ozzy, he turned over a new leaf and you can understand what he is saying on the telephone. >> my husband is a man of technology. >> jimmy: no, he's not. is he? >> he has an iphone, a computer. he drives a car. he's got it going on. >> jimmy: he learned a drive a year ago or so. and he is learning computers? >> yes. >> jimmy: to do what? >> everything. >> >> jimmy: what do you do? >> he skypes. he is going to be watching the show tonight. o >> jimmy: i found that disapointing. the mtv days, he could barely use a telephone. >> that is because he was

stoned. come on. >> jimmy: oh. do you miss him when he is gone? >> yeah, i hate it. yeah, especially the weekends. i don't like it. >> jimmy: you had larry king on your show today. >> yeah. >> jimmy: did he try to marry any of you? >> no, he was great. he was fantastic. i asked him sexual questions. i asked him who was the oldest women he over stooped? and he said he once stooped a 70-year-old. and i said, good for you. >> jimmy: i think that was -- >> it was zaza gabor. >> jimmy: no, i think she has been married for awhile. >> it doesn't matter. >> jimmy: you spoke to larry king about your sex life.

you said that you are ozzy make love five times a week. >> oh, yeah. yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: that's a lot of times. isn't it? yeah, that's a lot. >> i'm used to it. that's the way it is. >> jimmy: is it always at night? >> no. >> jimmy: a variety of times. >> when the passion takes you. we always find time for the old -- >> jimmy: what about over skype. does anything go on? >> we fiddled. you know. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: a little fiddling never hurt anything. what do you think that is that is growing here and i'm like, have a look. should guy to the doctor? >> jimmy: it's subtle like that. are you happy that oprah is going off television now that

you are on daytime tv? >> no, why. >> jimmy: i don't know. it's less competition in television. >> shut the up. >> jimmy: it's interesting you won't see the "f" word on television. you just edited yourself. >> i'm trying to be good. >> jimmy: is that because of being on in the day? >> they have a guy who is english and has a wicked sense of humor. he will is a wearing man. he is head of swearing. and follows me around and says, you can't say this and that. and i say, oh, [ bleep ] off. >> jimmy: really? [ applause ] >> yeah, he is the head of swearing. >> jimmy: you must be his dream project. >> he breaks out in a sweat. >> jimmy: will you be invited to the royal wedding? >> no, but i am going to cover

it for the network. >> jimmy: you are going to cover it? >> i am a correspondent for the royal wedding. >> jimmy: will you be at the wed something. >> no, i will look out the window. a pair of binoculars. >> jimmy: you can't ask to be invited, can you? >> no, you can't. i have met william and the royal family. but he's a kid. he has to do all that politically correct thing by inviting all the right people. i don't think it would go down well if shaz and oz came down. ozzy in a black suit. i will be gothed out. fabulous. >> jimmy: it would be great to

have ozzy singing at the weddy. >> it could be nice to break tradition. they zr a harpist and all that and a choir. >> jimmy: you are excited about the royal wedding? i'm having a hard time. if i was from england -- or probably i wouldn't. >> yeah, i think it's nice. i makes everybody happy. everybody feels good. the kids get off a day at school. >> jimmy: they do? >> yeah, it's a national holiday. a friday. everybody will be in the pubs knocking it back. >> jimmy: and just watching it on tv. and the reception is not on television? >> no, they will come out on the balcony and wave and they will be there. >> jimmy: and everybody goes crazy. >> yeah. >> jimmy: it's good to see you. you will be covering for the

"insider"? >> no, everyone. i'm doing it for the "insider" yk. >> jimmy: you know who will be fun? we didn't need them anymore. you got the hang of it. give my love to all the gals. >> you want me to go now? >> jimmy: no, stay. you know, bruno tonioli is here. was he nice to kelly? >> he was the best. >> jimmy: maybe you shouldn't stay. >> would you like to smell my fingers before i go? >> jimmy: okay. why? what have you been up to? is this why leah started crying at the retreat? what are you doing? >> no! >> jimmy: sharon osbourne, everybody. "the talk" airs weekdays at 2:00 p.m. eastern and 1:00 p.m. pacific time on cbs. we'll be right back with bruno tonioli. [ applause ]

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>> dicky: this week on "jimmy kimmel live" -- britney spears, david beckham, johnny knoxville, danny mcbride, sara ramirez and the first cast-off from "dancing with the stars." with music from duran duran and sum 41. portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by wwe all-stars. the greatest match-ups haven't happened until now. two generations, one ring.

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back to the show. the sounds will be here. our next guest is -- our next guest is crazy. he is italian and he is probably bouncing up and down like a

maniac. from "dancing with the stars",say hello to judge bruno tonioli. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how's it going? >> very well. i am very, very, very upset with you. >> jimmy: why? >> i hear you have been kissing strange men on the show and you never kissed me. >> jimmy: you are not quite strange enough for me. >> i can be weirder. if it's in the script. >> jimmy: i am trying to break that habit. [ applause ] >> feel this. >> jimmy: your skin is hot. your skin is hot. >> i am very, very hot.

>> jimmy: you are like a lobster out of a pot. why you are so hot? do you tan a lot? >> no, no, i tan very easily. i go five minutes in the sun and that is it. >> jimmy: carrie ann says you walk around in the under wear. >> gentleman, what's wrong with that? >> jimmy: you are at the office and you stay in the dressing room? >> no, i have my trailer and we have a cup of coffee. and i'm in the tighty whiteys. yeah what is the show about? sometimes i get nervous. i don't have an issue about it. it's hot and it's sunny. it's not a problem. >> jimmy: are you the only one? does len does that?

>> you don't want to see that. he is prone to a flash occasionally. >> jimmy: what do you mean? >> for a free meal, he is anybody's. >> jimmy: really? >> i love to cook. i'm italian. i love cooking. and lenny, he is a very good ironer. he can iron shirts. and sometimes i don't want to go out. and i'm a good cook. and you come and do my ironing. and be natural. >> jimmy: he comes over and does your laundry? >> he does the ironing. and i stopped him. the last time he came around. he had a towel around himself. and he got caught on the doorknob and it came off. and it gave me a fright after my life. almost put me off men. i had to go and see a matthew

mcconaughey film. [ applause ] >> jimmy: you mentioned matthew mcconaughey. who is your dream man? >> you teasing me? [ laughter ] is that an offer? >> jimmy: i don't know. where do i rank? >> are you ready for a change? >> jimmy: charlie is going to be furious. >> i mean, seriously, there are so many attractive men around. that is not the thing. it's like in my private life, it has to be someone that you connect with and i am not in -- that is all a little bit -- there are so many. you go around, and there are so many talented good looking men and woman. >> jimmy: are you trying to tell us -- >> i would like to be. i don't have the time. i would love to be -- i was born

to be. how do you shag in this town? what do you do? i'm working all the time. charlie sheen, i have to call in. shagging with the stars. >> jimmy: he would be the guy. speaking of the stars, you got quite a cast this year. do you know most of the people beforehand? jnchts there is sugar ray, legend. >> jimmy: what do you think his chances are? >> he is not in gear yet. i don't think he has found the killer pounce yet. he is a very, very nice guy. he has great personality. he hasn't got that kind of killer -- >> jimmy: do you get nervous insulting a guy like sugar lay or chris jerricho that you might get body slammed. >> body slam --

>> jimmy: that would be all right? [ applause ] >> jimmy: this is a young woman that would perhaps turn things around for you. >> he is is gorgeoshe is gorgeo. no, she is very, very tall. she has to work on her core and center. >> jimmy: do you think it's a disadvantage to be her height? >> the compact dances, she is not there yell. >> jimmy: this is chelsea kane, a disney star. >> she's gotta lent. >> jimmy: i didn't know. this is guy, psycho mike, he is

psycho. he used to work at a radio station i worked to work at. >> ky? >> jimmy: no, k-rock. not ky. unless you know something i don't. this is hugh hefner's ex-girlfriend, kendra. >> yeah, big -- yeah. >> jimmy: how are you on a live television show? >> i just actually have done it. it's all hanging out. i had to write things on my mirror. not -- no -- not -- you know what i mean. there is a list of words. and in england, i do the show in england. and one of the judges came out with a ridiculous critique and i would not help myself.

and i became possessed and i said, the hills are alive with the sound of [ bleep ]! and then -- you know, sometimes there is no other word that can express the situation as clearly. what am i going to say? >> jimmy: you're right. >> it's all with the context. >> jimmy: in england, you can curse on the air, can't you? >> no, it just came out. >> jimmy: this is wendy williams, had a hard time so far. >> she is a bit -- i didn't see any personality come out. she has away to go. >> jimmy: this is guy i picked. and bet money on. hines ward. >> he is great. >> jimmy: give him higher scores? >> he is doing well. >> jimmy: this guy, his dad,

master p., this is romeo, was the worst ever. >> this guy has cleaned the slate. >> jimmy: master p. couldn't wear the dancing shoes. >> he couldn't move his feet. >> jimmy: you got the karate kid, he is good. >> talented. he is good. >> jimmy: and kirstie alley. >> she is good. very, very light on her feet. funny, great to see e jr. and egyptian president hoseny mubarak. >> he is from egypt. >> jimmy: sorry. the entire interview. tomorrow night, the "dancing with the stars" show.

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>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series, sponsored by bud light. to stream off-air performances and other music videos, go to jimmykimmellive.com. thanks again for dog sitting. no worries. they're really smart. they'll do whatever you tell them. oh! and there's a ton of bud light in the fridge. [ dog panting ] here we go. [ doorbell rings ] aha! hey guys! [ barks ] [ dog barking, growling ] ♪ there's a whisker in my hamburger. [ dog growls ] guys, we need more mugs. [ dog whimpers ] [ male announcer ] it's the sure sign of a good time. the just right taste of bud light. here we go. don't worry guys, i got it. his family knows what to expect. hun, mike's coming -- let's get crackin'. [ male announcer ] but what mike rowe doesn't know is that his parents have armed themselves with unquilted viva® towels. place looks great. [ male announcer ] mike doesn't know

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[ male announcer ] nature is unique... ...authentic...

...pure... and also delicious. ♪ like nature valley. granola bars made with crunchy oats and pure honey. because natural is not only good, it also tastes good. nature valley -- 100% natural. 100% delicious. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: this album comes out tomorrow. it is called "something to die for." here with the title track, the sounds. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

♪ working for another hour tonight staring at the wall and let the time just ♪ ♪ pass me by you might think you know me but it's all ♪ ♪ just a face trying to ignore when people screaming my name ♪ ♪ screaming my name ♪ walking by a house with colorful lights there's a sign, an invitation from ♪ ♪ the woman inside talk about your boyfriend talk about your wife ♪ ♪ it's just a different way of living your life ♪ ♪ when something's right then something is worth to die for ♪ ♪ when i feel that something is wrong then something is worth to fight for ♪ ♪ don't say good-bye just leave an

open door ♪ ♪ i wanna hear you say you give me something to die for ♪ ♪ searching for another reason to stay slowly my regrets are fading away ♪ ♪ you leave me on my own to find out what's real you say you ♪ ♪ want your freedom but it's not how i feel ♪ ♪ when something's right then something is worth to die for ♪ ♪ when i feel that something is wrong then something is worth to fight for ♪ ♪ don't say good-bye just leave an open door ♪ ♪ i wanna hear you say you give me something to die for ♪

♪ when something's right then give me something to die for ♪ ♪ ♪ when something's right then something is worth to die for ♪ ♪ when i feel that something is wrong then something is worth to fight for ♪ ♪ when something's right then something is worth to die for ♪ ♪ when i feel that

something is wrong then something is worth to fight for ♪ ♪ don't say good-bye just leave on open door ♪ ♪ i want to hear you say to give me something to die for ♪ ♪ i want to hear you say to give me something to die for ♪ ♪ i want to hear you say you'd give me something to die for ♪ [ cheers and applause ] [ older brother ] hey, that's the last crescent.

[ younger brother ] oh, do you want it? yeah. ok, 'll split it. [ female announcer ] made fresh, so light... ...buttery and flaky... this is half. that is not half. guys i have more. [ female announcer ] do you have enough crescents? than listening there'to our favorite songs. there's nothing we love more thanistening to our favorite songs. but our favorite thing is eating toti's pizza rolls. but our favorite thing is eating totino's pizza rolls. ♪ we're the kids in america ♪ oh, oh, oh