tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC April 19, 2011 12:00am-1:05am PDT
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"good morning america." they're working while we're sleeping. until tomorrow, good night, america. >> i got a lot of money back this year. i claimed jason bieber as a dependent. >> courteney cox. >> by with you keep your mouth shut? >> gary busey. >> you see little john, meat loaf, you know somewhere there's a village missing its idiot. loaf, you know somewhere there's a villa[ male announcer ]ot. nature is unique... ...authentic... ...pure... and also delicious. ♪ like nature valley. granola bars made with crunchy oats and pure honey. because natural is not only good, it also tastes good.
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>> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kim well news from bud light, the official beer of the nfl. the nfl draft is next thursday and the bud light best round ever contest is giving you a chance to win $10 million. here now with all the details, our new spokesmodel, ashley. >> hi, i'm spokesmodel ashley. bud light is the best pick you can make for watching the nfl draft. >> jimmy: tell us more, spokesmodel ashley. >> okay, the nfl draft is next thursday april 28. if you can predict all 32 picks from the first round correctly, you could win $10 million. >> jimmy: and how does the contest work? >> oh, let me show you. >> jimmy: okay. >> how the contest works. >> jimmy: great.
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>> just find the but the lied on facebook -- thank you, and click the best round ever tab. then name the 32 players you think will get drafted in the first round. >> jimmy: who do you think will get drafted first? [ laughter ] >> where's my card? >> jimmy: just asking your opinion. well, thank you, ashley, great job. i think things are going to work out just fine. >> thank you. >> jimmy: we'll be back with courteney cox, gary busey and music from jesse j. ht labels, so i'm sending out 12 oz. invitations. here we go! ♪ ♪ how many people did we invite? about 8 cases worth.
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[ male announcer ] for a limited time only, the new my bud light bottle. with a special label that lets you use a key or coin to write your name, number, whatever... here we go. matt, come on... seriously!?!? ♪ versus sebastian zero gravity. do you see, when i touch it? it moves perfectly. i cannot tell the difference. [ male announcer ] new suave professionals. reformulated to work as well as top salon brands. [ male announcer ] with greasy fast food, what are you really getting? lighten up with a subway orchard chicken salad sub, a refreshingly delicious part of a subway fresh fit meal. subway. eat fresh.
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♪give me land lots of land ♪under starry skies above ♪don't fence me in ♪let me ride through the wide open country♪ ♪don't fence me in... the nokia astound smartphone music video games ...and more available exclusively at t-mobile ♪ [ female announcer ] mini, meet berries. introducing new kellogg's frosted mini-wheats with a touch of fruit in the middle. helloooooo fruit in the middle. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- courteney cox. gary busey.
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and music from jessie j. with cleto and the cletones, ♪ it's jimmy kimmel live and now, the one, here's jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: thank you, thank you. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for showing your happy faces. i don't mean to change the mood but did you get your taxes done? the deadline for federal tax returns passed a few minutes ago. if you missed it, there's still time to get to hawaii. get it in on time. it's the day wealthy americans send theirs to the cayman island. a tradition. i was driving to my house
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yesterday and i saw a guy jumping up and down like crazy on the corner. apparently this goes on all over the country i learned on twitter today. when exactly did homeless people and statue of liberty costumes become the official mascots of tax day? here in l.a., they're on every corner. also, why would you turn your financial records over to these people? look over there, there's a bum wearing a crown. honey, hand me our w-2s, i'm going in. i learned something very interesting from my accountant last year. did you know on the memo line of the check you write to the irs, you're supposed to write your social security number and not "suck it, uncle sam," with a drawing of middle finger. it's true. it's even less fun to pay your taxes. if you don't, you could wind up in polirison with wesley snipes. tax returns can be very complicated. tonight, we've enlisted the help
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of one of our celebrity guests. it's time for gary busey's too late tax tips. >> hi, i'm gary busey. with your too late tax tip. if you did any farming at all on your land, you can take that as a deduction. deduction. that stands for discount every damn ulcer causing taxable item on neptune. that's where i'm from. >> jimmy: i didn't know that. [ applause [ applause ] not that you need it, but here's a tip from me. every year, i include a piece of chicken in the envelope. not a bribe, just a little treat for the guy at the irs who opens it. i got a lot of money back this year. i claimed justin bieber as a dependent. he's wrth a fortune. today was a busy day for postal worker. i guess that makes sense. i hadn't really realized that
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until i saw this commercial today. >> remember last christmas when you didn't give your mail carrier a tip we do. happy tax day. from your friends at the united states postal service. >> jimmy: all right. [ applause ] this is a good one. this is a story from portland, oregon, where a mail carrier made a special delivery to the lawn of someone's home. >> he got more than a 20 when he was baby-sitting his son waiting for the mailman. >> i thought he had packages for us. >> when he spotted the mail carrier, he witnessed him do something unthinkable in broad daylight just feet from his neighbor's house. >> started pulling his pants down, started de eed -- at that
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i grabbed my camera. >> he says he had plenty of time to take those photos which clearly show the mail carrier in the act. >> this is how they respect our property? that's not right. and it's also a bio hazard. >> jimmy: wow. that's your opinion. [ applause ] where's he supposed to go? in his pith helmet? that's for pith, not for anything else. now going postal means a whole new thing i guess. there's a special episode of "dancing with the stars" on tonight to celebrate patriots day which is a holiday only people from boston know about. i'd never heard of this patriots day. the eight remaining contestants danced to american themed songs. patriots day honors soldiers who fought during the revolutionary war and because of their sacrifice we now have the freedom to watch hugh hefner's ex-girlfriend do the rumba on television. all eyes tonight were on kirstie alley. two weeks ago, her partner
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dropped her. last week, her shoe fell off in the middle of the dance. this week, she was attacked by a water moccasin. [ laughter ] actually, this week she got some help from john travolta who made a cameo as the dance doctor. had to be a career highlight. hines ward of the pittsburgh steeler wholgs i bet real american money on to win it all had the top score tonight with 27. the low score, ralph, petra and kendra tied for last, 22. one of them will most likely be here tomorrow night for a good old faced soul crushing so join us for that. this is pretty great. there's a live show at disneyland here in southern california called jedi training academy. they pick a little kid who loved star wars and he or she gets to have a lightsaber battle with darth vader. he tries to convince the kids to join the dark side which of course they refuse to do, right? >> stand here. >> if you would not turn to the dark side, perhaps she will.
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>> i don't think so. activate. what's that? you will? oh, okay. no, no, no. you don't want to fight darth vader? you want to join darth vader? >> she went right to the dark side, kneeled to darth vader. she's no dummy. [ applause ] she now goes by the name darth jennifer. someone else went over to the dark side this weekend. that was actor nicolas cage. nic cage was arrested late friday night in new orleans on a number of charges including domestic abuse, battery, disturbing the peace and public drunkedness. this is his mug shot, which is -- it lacks like he took it himself. how do we know this is nicolas cage and not john travolta disguised to look like nicolas cage?
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and how do we know nicolas cage isn't the dance doctor? apparently, nic and his wife were arguing loudly outside an a apartment building. he insisted it was their apartment. it wasn't their apartment. how drunk do you have to be to not know whether or not it is your house? or how rich do you have to be to not know whether it's your house? he also made a scene at a tattoo parlor. the last time nicolas cage got this drunk, he ended up naming his kid cowle. so maybe the weirdest part of the story is he got bailed out of jail by dog the bounty hunter. for real. dog the bounty hunter posted his $11,000 bond. see, stars really are just like us. the valley music and arts festival was held in california this weekend. this is a huge annual rock concert. thousands of people gather in the desert to see like arcade fire, kings of leon, duran
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duran, the strokes, kanye west was there. it's a big deal, especially around these parts. here's the story from our local fox news. >> nicolas cage, famous for playing the bad boy on the big screen, plays a real-life sting for the security camera. what happened when the cops yelled cut? >> and all good things must come to an end. the desert finale, was it worth the triple-digit heat? well, that looks like the pope. >> jimmy: the pope was at the concert? that is big. [ applause ] he's bigger than paul mccartney last year. he's a huge kings of leon fan. on the opposite side of the concert, the 115th running of the boston marathon. the race was won by a kenyon this year. those kenyons can really run. footrace, presidential races. they really are amazing. they've won 19 of the last 22 years. we may have to start importing
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cheetahs to chase our american runners so we have a fair shot. right, guillermo? donald trump gave his first major political speech at a tea party rally in florida saturday. the tea party, they've rallied around donald trump because he keeps saying there's no evidence obama was born in the united states and they like that. even though during an interview with cnn on sunday, reporter candy crowley showed him two original hawaiian newspapers that announced obama's birth back in 1961. >> two separate honolulu papers published birth announcements which trump says he can explain. >> it was eight days later after the supposed birth. it was eight days later. and many people that are on a certain side of this say his grandparents said -- they made the announcement. you're not talking about the same day, you're talking about eight days. a lot of things happened in eight days. ? excuse me -- >> i just want to say this and we'll move on -- >> excuse me, eight days later. >> jimmy: eight days -- just
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enough time to travel back in time -- travel into the future and find out that this baby will be president one day. and then place an ad. by the way, have you ever been to hawaii? it takes eight days to check out of the supermarket. it takes like 12 hours for your meal to come to the table. they're not known for their speed. whereas the kenyons are. last night, donald trump fired gary busey from "celebrity apprentice" which was a terrible mistake. gary's here tonight to talk about it and to formally announce he will be abc's next bachelor. [ applause ] this was a -- a great season of the "celebrity apprentice" because of gary busey. last night, he gave a presentation to the management team at omaha steaks. they gave them these tasks to complete. i dare you to watch this and not get hungry.
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>> because of the power of the omaha steak in your stomach and in your taste buds and after you eat, the digestion is clean and therefore you're open, you're ready to look in the eyes of the anniversary partner and see in the eyes the love you have. the tears will well up and they'll say, i love you. and what condition that moment of love was what they ate and what they ate in the anniversary meal, what is it? omaha steaks. say it together, 1, 2, 3, omaha steaks. don't forget that. if you forget it, i'm going to come get you and take out your garbage for a week. >> jimmy: oh. quite a threat. if you forget it, i'm going to come take out your garbage for a week. if you forget again, i'll detail your suv. i'm going to miss gary in the show. we've decided to honor him by combining audio from the "celebrity apprentice" with
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video from the cartoon "cow and chicken." here's gary busey and his fellow contestant meat loaf as animated by "cow and chicken." >> what about this, omaha multiflavored steaks pack? >> they don't have multiflavored steaks. >> what i meant by that is a different steak with different flavors. >> they don't have that. >> one steak is one flavor, another steak is another favor. >> they don't have that. >> what about this, the steak goes in the variety pack already flavored. >> it's impossible. >> you make filet mignon. >> that's not a flavor. >> it is a flavor. >> mother [ bleep ], you do not want to [ bleep ] with me! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i wouldn't have guessed cows would eat steak but -- hey, we have a good show. gary busey is here tonight. we'll have music from jesse j. and we'll be right back with courteney cox so stick around.
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when ford swaps your ride, you tend to talk about it. mallory, you were driving a what? honda accord. now you're in a...? ford fusion. my gas mileage is awesome. cuz i'm always in the car and driving everywhere. mallory, mallory... bit of a hugger. i really like finding things along my route. find shoe stores. sync: 'destination shoe store.' you guys must be fun to ride around with. swap your ride and get a fuel-efficient ford fusion with 0% financing plus $500 cash back. we're going shoe shopping today. before you say anything, it was 1995. [ kenny ] it was '93.
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>> jimmy: hello there, thanks for watching. you're a good friend, thank you. tonight on the show, a man who, last night, was cruelly and foolishly fired from "the celebrity apprentice," gary busey is here. and then, with music from this new album, it's called "who you are," a very talented young woman, jesse j. from the bud light outdoor stage. tomorrow night we'll be visited by dwayne johnson, sammy hagar, the latest cast-off from "dancing with the stars," and music from the belle brigade. then later this week, robert pattinson, christoph waltz, music from lenka and phantogram, and so much more.
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so please join us. [ applause ] you know our first guest as a friend, as a citizen of a town of cougars and now slasher-bait as she returns for a fourth round of screaming in the new movie "scream 4." it is in theaters now. and "cougar town" wednesday nights at 9:30 here on abc. please welcome courteney cox. [ applause ] how are you? >> i'm good, how are you? >> jimmy: you look great as always. >> thank you. >> jimmy: it's great to see you. >> thanks. >> jimmy: you've had a weird week i think. >> it's been crazy. >> jimmy: movie premiere. >> movie premiere. >> jimmy: show premiere. >> yeah, keep going. >> jimmy: your crazy husband. >> my crazy husband. >> jimmy: you guys -- i have never seen -- i really don't know what to make of it. i saw you on friday night and i -- i don't know, i started like talking to you guys and we started talking about things and
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i said, i'll just keep my mouth shut. >> why would you keep your mouth shut? we can't. >> jimmy: i don't know. >> lord. >> jimmy: david was on the howard stern show. he sat in all week last week. >> yes, he did. >> jimmy: things must be delightful for you. >> well, at least he was sober. >> jimmy: that is true. and he's very -- he's a very nice guy, very gregarious, very likable guy. he likes to talk about things. and he's on the radio. and then as if that wasn't crazy enough to start with, you show up. >> well, you know, you can only take so much. i mean, david had been doing it, like he said, all week. i would hear little snippets of, you know, what kind of person i am and i'm like, you know what, i'm done. i'm done. i'm walking on. i surprised him. >> jimmy: he said all nice things, didn't he? >> howard goes pretty rough on me. until you walk in and then it's like oh. howard is such a nice guy. i love the whole show but i
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just -- i decided to surprise david and howard and just walk in. >> jimmy: and you sure did. >> and i did. it was great. i had a good time. but you do forget because it's just four of you in the room, robin and howard and two producers and david. the permanent fixture. and you forget that other people are listening because you're so comfortable. >> jimmy: you get caught up in the relaxation. >> they got heavy, deep and real. i was not expecting the questions like, are you going to get back together. >> jimmy: right. >> it's like, wow, dude, this is -- >> jimmy: you don't even know the answers. >> no, but it's like, you know -- it was just really personal stuff. >> jimmy: he's very curious. >> yeah, and they're good at it. david was like, yeah, tell me. david, we talk to therapists about this. i know howard is good at it but can we not? >> jimmy: you don't have to pay howard at the end, that's nice. >> no, that was free. although, you know, you say things on howard and howard says
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things and you agree and it's all over the press. >> jimmy: did you get misquoted as far as the context? >> i wouldn't say misquoted but i would say, you know, like i had said something about david and it's, courteney says david is sex obsessed. >> jimmy: most guys are sex obsessed. >> is that news? >> jimmy: that's probably the least of david's problems. david has formed his own circus complete with flying dwarfsed an weird things like that. >> it actually happened. i was here -- i forget how long ago, and i was talking about it and now it has happened. >> jimmy: it has come to fruition. >> the roosevelt hotel. i slurred over that word. roosevelt hotel. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and it's called david arquette presents features mad house. >> jimmy: see, this is what i particularly like, because this seems, i imagine as his wife, this is not something you're crazy about and yet you're very supportive. you'll come out and give him a plug. >> oh, i'll give him a plug and i can't wait to go once. >> jimmy: one time. >> yeah, and i'm waiting for that moment but, yeah, it's just
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so perfect for david because he, you know, david comes from like this vaud individualian -- i mean, he's 39 but you would think he was 78 in a 13-year-old body, i mean -- he's just kind of a different human being and this say perfect venue for him and it's nothing like you've ever seen and i'm happy for him. >> jimmy: i hope whatever happens works out for the best for both of you. >> thank you, thank you. >> jimmy: i really do. [ applause ] now, one thing that david is -- this is a weird thing, david -- howard asked david if there's anyone he might have his eye on. in fact, he asked like a thousand times. and david finally broke down and said -- >> and said jesse j. >> jimmy: who's on our show. >> i didn't know this and my publicist writes me and goes, you're not going to believe it, guess who's the musical guest. of course i imb'd here, she's gorgeous. >> jimmy: here you are on the same show tonight. have you spoken to her at all? >> i haven't seen her. >> jimmy: do you want to warn
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her? seems like the nice thing to do. [ laughter ] do you like dwarfs? do you like -- >> give her a little background. >> jimmy: now, you're -- how old's your daughter cocoa now? >> 7 in june. >> jimmy: is she on spring break? >> she was. >> jimmy: did she behave herself like on vacations and planes? >> she does. on planes she's not so good. she's really like the person you don't want to sit next to. just chatty like little old lady. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> oh, my god, like the questions -- i mean, it was relentless. >> jimmy: with you or with strangers? >> no, with me, yeah. but what happens is -- you know, then we went to new york to do this promotion and to promote my relationship with david and, um -- [ laughter ] so we brought our nanny and then she watches dvds the whole time. >> jimmy: oh, she does. >> i don't get it. when i don't have a nanny, mommy, tell me about the -- and
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it's like, oh, my god, this is my one moment to be quiet. >> jimmy: does the nanny speak english, maybe that's the problem. >> i didn't think about that. >> jimmy: that could be the issue right there. >> oh, good point. >> jimmy: you guys had a cool thing. you had "cougar town's" premiere. you gave out a television number on the -- you gave out a phone number on the show. >> yes. >> jimmy: this is a real -- it's ringing right now. has been ringing constantly. people are supposed to call and they're able to talk to cast members of the show. >> yeah. why don't you do it? >> jimmy: i will answer -- why don't we take a break and we're getting a call from the 603 area code. what's 603? >> i think it's new york. >> jimmy: when we come back, we're going to do this, and of course remind you, "scream 4" is in theaters now and "cougar town" will take your calls in moments. courteney cox is here. we'll be right back. there's a lot of home improvement centers
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jimmy. >> jimmy: why is that? >> well, that's just funny because since we are separated -- i don't know if you know that, since we are i was actually going to the itunes store to buy some music just the other day and i'm so behind the times, i was buying, like, "what's the name." i love that song. it said, you've already purchased this. i was thinking -- i didn't caulk to the computer but i was thinking to myself, no, i haven't. oh, maybe it was david because we had the same account. so i went on to look at -- to view the history to see what other songs that maybe david had been downloading because he's hip. >> jimmy: yeah. >> it was like, oh, wow, a lot of books and there's a lot of ekart tole. >> jimmy: i just read it i ve haven't heard people say it. >> there was a lot of his work. he's an amazing writer. it was just like, david's really doing a lot of work on himself and there was some songs.
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and then it said grinder to find your same sex in your neighborhood. i was lake, wow, what if you like don't know the person you've been with for that long? wonder if david's buying grinder. so i got -- >> jimmy: david's trying to meet other men? >> it's a gay website that you get to punch something in and see where another guy in your neighborhood is. so i called up my assistant who happens to be gay and i said -- i asked him -- it's okay for me to say this. i said, did you happen to buy anything on our itunes thing. he said no. now i'm kind of shaking. i'm like this is going to be a weird call to david. really, you didn't make one purchase? he said no, courteney. i said, come on, buddy, it's all right, i wouldn't get mad, you know, tell me you bought one thing. you bought grinder. he's like, oh, yeah, that was a free app, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: that would have explained a lot.
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>> that would have been so terrible. >> jimmy: hello? hi, who's this? dimarco, this is jimmy kimmel. can we put you live on abc and we're recording you for broadcast. all right? courteney cox is here. >> where's the mic? >> jimmy: here we go. >> hi, hi, marco. >> jimmy: marco? >> yes. >> jimmy: polo. [ laughter ] you hear that one much? >> yeah. >> jimmy: marco, say hello to courteney. >> hello, courteney. >> oh, wow, hi, how are you? >> doing well, can you hear me? >> i can hear you great, we all can now. >> jimmy: isn't this wild, you called the phone number and now here's courteney. >> i know, i was expecting a can. >> oh, you were expecting the penny can? >> yeah. >> oh, no, no, no, this is -- >> this is even better. >> yeah, you're on "jimmy kimmel." >> excellent. >> do you have anything you want
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to ask the two of us? >> jimmy: yeah? >> um, wowwow, i wasn't expecti this. put me on the spot. >> jimmy: where do you live? >> say it again. >> how was your party last week, jimmy? >>. >> jimmy: oh, it went well, thank you. >> it was fun, it was good. >> jimmy: all right, we'll call you back later, all right, man? i'll tell you the whole thing. yeah, she did. yeah, she's still in there. okay. all right, take care. all right, well there you go, that's pretty cool. hey, we got a clip we should show. i think it needs a setup. it's "cougar town." it will make absolutely no sense unless you set it up. >> really? >> jimmy: yeah. >> okay. because it's a deep -- it's deep and difficult, this show. >> jimmy: that's all right. >> i forgot this is when -- oh -- >> jimmy: you're watching -- >> i'm baby-sitting for ellie's baby. and little baby stan, ellie and
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andy, and the baby's got locked that a closet which happens to have a lot of things which i keep in there which obviously alcohol is one of them since i like to drink wine. >> jimmy: and ellie is right across the yard from you. >> oh, right, she's thinking i probably don't know what i'm doing and i'm having to fake it. >> jimmy: "cougar town," take a look. >> how's it going with stan? >> who's stan? boom, that's how easy it is, i forgot it evhe even exists. excuse me, i have a roast in the oven. what? >> it's okay, it's red wine. >> that's still bad. >> he has a jar of peanut butter. >> is that on his allergy of death list? listen, break that door down and stab him with this. >> i won't stab a baby. >> whip. >> jimmy: he's right, you can't stab a baby. courteney cox, everybody, "scream 4" is out now, "cougar town" wednesdays at 9:30 here on abc. be right back with gary busey.
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in an irresistible sort of way the all-new ford focus with up to 40 miles per gallon highway [ female announcer ] degree asked women to use these jingle bells during one entire day so they realize how much they move. [ bells jingling ] [ bells jingling ] that's why degree created the new motionsense technology, the only formula activated directly by movement to release bursts of freshness all day keeping you protected for longer than the leading antiperspirant. the more you move, the more it works. degree. it won't let you down. orchard chicken salad sub is back! packed with juicy chicken, sweet apples, tart cranberries, and crunch-a-licious celery. it's a bushel full of flavor on freshly baked bread. the $5 footlong orchard chicken salad -- here for a limited time only! subway. eat fresh.
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>> you know, you should talk to me about being a bachelor. >> jimmy: i would like you to be the bachelor. >> that's good for you but look what i got here. i have a 1-year-old son named luke samson becaususey. his mother, my wife, is stephanie, and this is a soul mate and beautiful gift from god. >> jimmy: can i point out that flavor flav had a wife and eight kids and he still did "flavor of love." >> that's him, that's not me. >> jimmy: i would like to see you on every reality show if possible. >> you know what i'd like to see you on? >> jimmy: what?
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>> celebrity apprentice. >> jimmy: "celebrity apprentice." >> see how good you'd do. >> jimmy: i don't think i would do very well. >> my group, we were called backbone, that was our team name. they turned out to be not backbone, back stabbers. >> jimmy: they did. >> they wanted me off that show. you know, when you see little john, john rich and meat loaf, you know, somewhere there's three villages missing their idiots ju oh, yeah. >> just doesn't work. >> jimmy: you thought you were friendly with those guys and you were nice to those guys. >> i was nice but what i did, i did my work in a very mysterious way. >> jimmy: oh. >> and that was good and donald trump picked up on that. said gary's very mysterious. i said yes, that's it, mysterious. >> jimmy: why were you being mysterious though? >> they were jealous, they wanted me out. >> jimmy: they ganged up on you kind of. >> but they didn't win. meat loaf had the blowout. and he lost his anger. he didn't have anger management and rage control. i was standing there like a military general with the integrity and dignity.
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i let him vent. i gave him the space he needed. and i was laugh at him inside. but i was feeling sorry for him in my eyes. and i knew it would be backlash to him. and anybody who would have that rage, that lack of anger management, they wouldn't work in -- a small business, a medium business, a warehouse, a mom and pop store, a corporation or anything of the donald trump business manner, they would be fired like that. >> jimmy: that is true. >> and that didn't happen in the show. >> jimmy: yes, but it may still happen on the show. i mean, we don't know that meat loaf won. maybe he gets fired next week, right? >> it could be. >> jimmy: yeah it could very well be. >> your body language is amazing. >> jimmy: thank you. >> you give away what your instincts don't. >> jimmy: now what do you mean by that? >> just, you give away what your instincts don't. >> jimmy: what am i giving away right now? >> oh, man, you're very -- you're very happy with your personal life. >> jimmy: uh-huh, okay. >> you have a smile that's better than i've ever seen. >> jimmy: well, thank you. >> your eyes are not spinning. everything's in control. >> jimmy: my eyes are --
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>> you're doing great because the last time -- >> jimmy: i was possessed by a demon the last time you were here. >> i saw that, the smoke coming out. >> jimmy: what's the book? i notice you brought a book out here. >> yeah! >> jimmy: what is in the book? oh, i like this. i see what's in the front. you have these buseyisms. >> i'm publishing this book called busey-isms. what i do, take the letters that spell the word and then give thewardthe word a unique definition. for instance, the word faith, f-a-i-t-h, i'm going to ticket letters that spell faith and create a definition for it. f-a-i-t-h stands for fantastic adventures in trusting him. the word fun, f-u-n, that stands for finally understanding nothing. [ laughter ] see? the word sober stands for son of a beep, everything's real. [ applause ] >> jimmy: that's a really good
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one. >> the word memory, memory, 6 9 m-e-m-o-r-y stands for making exciting moments on remaining yours. when you write from an outstanding mind you write from an invisible pen called memory. >> jimmy: that is true. gary -- >> the word that everyone likes is bad, b-a-d, that is baloney and dirt. it doesn't make a good sandwich but it's a good start for an ant farm. >> jimmy: can you make these up -- if i would give you a word, could you make an acronym up for that? >> i don't do proper names. >> jimmy: you won't do people's names. would you do like your own name? >> no, we're too important. >> jimmy: what about oprah's name? >> who? >> jimmy: oprah. >> oprah, what about her? >> jimmy: i don't know, would you do her name? >> who's oprah? i'm kid. that's a prop are naer name anda
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magnificent woman. no, i don't do proper names. >> jimmy: why not? >> did you know that your name is the most important part of your identity? in other words if you meet five people and you remember their names the next day and you call them by your first name, you'll have an ally for life because you remembered their name. >> jimmy: you must have remembered meat loaf's name and you don't have an ally for life with him. >> that's a hard -- >> jimmy: what about meat? can you come up with one for meat? >> meat? >> jimmy: yeah. >> massive exciting and tight. >> jimmy: that's him all right. [ applause ] at least the massive part. >> yeah, yeah. you know what's funny, the team backbone turned out to be the team back stabbers. they wanted me out of there no matter what. >> jimmy: you know what, i'm being completely truthful with you, i think it is a terrible mistake. they should have figured out a way to keep you on the show.
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maybe make you one of the guys who evaluates the other people with donald trump. >> the finale's being done may 22nd. >> jimmy: you will be part of that? >> yeah, i'm going back like a heat-seeking missile. nobody should get in my way unless they mean it. >> jimmy: go back as a meat seeking missile. >> a meat seeking missile. >> jimmy: there you go. gary busey, everybody. >> no, not meat seeking missile. >> jimmy: destroy him. >> meat loaf destroyed himself. the good news is meat loaf is going to be on the george lopez show. >> jimmy: he is? >> yeah, isn't that funny? >> jimmy: i guess. gary busy, everybody. look for his book of busey-isms coming out and on "celebrity apprentice." be right back with jessie j.
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and your truth comes second just stop smile ♪ ♪ why is everybody so serious? acting so damn mysterious? ♪ ♪ you got your shades on your eyes and your heels so high ♪ ♪ that you can't even have a good time ♪ ♪ everybody look to their left yeah ♪ ♪ everybody look to their right ♪ ♪ can you feel that? yeah well pay them with love tonight ♪ ♪ it's not about the money money, money we don't need your money money, money ♪ ♪ we just wanna make the world dance forget about the price tag ♪ ♪ ain't about the uh ka-ching ka-ching ♪ ♪ ain't about the yeah ba-bling ba-bling ♪ ♪ tryna make the world dance forget about the price tag ♪ ♪ we need to take it back in time when music made us all unite ♪ ♪ and it wasn't low blows and video hoes am i the only one getting' tired? ♪ ♪ why is everybody
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so obsessed? money can't buy us happiness ♪ ♪ can we all slow down and enjoy right now? guarantee we'll be feelin' all right ♪ ♪ everybody look to their left yeah ♪ ♪ everybody look to their right ♪ ♪ can you feel that? yeah well pay them with love tonight ♪ ♪ it's not about the money money, money we don't need your money money, money ♪ ♪ we just wanna make the world dance forget about the price tag ♪ ♪ ain't about the uh ka-ching ka-ching ♪ ♪ ain't about the yeah ba-bling ba-bling ♪ ♪ wanna make the world dance forget about the price tag ♪ ♪ la, la, la, la la, la, la hey! ♪ ♪ la, la, la, la la, la, la hey! ♪ ♪ la, la, la, la la, la, la price tag ♪ ♪ everybody! ♪ la, la, la, la, la, la, la la, la, la, la, la, la hey! ♪ ♪ la, la, la, la la, la, la hey! ♪ ♪ la, la, la, la la, la, la
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hey! ♪ ♪ price tag ♪ it's not about the money money, money we don't need your money money, money ♪ ♪ we just wanna make the world dance forget about the price tag ♪ ♪ ain't about the uh ka-ching ka-ching ♪ ♪ ain't about the yeah ba-bling ba-bling ♪ ♪ wanna make the world dance forget about the price tag ♪ ♪ it's not about the money money, money we don't need your money money, money ♪ ♪ we just wanna make the world dance forget about the price tag ♪ ♪ ain't about the uh ka-ching ka-ching ♪ ♪ ain't about the yeah ba-bling ba-bling ♪ ♪ wanna make the world dance forget about the price tag ♪ ♪ money, money, money money, money, money world dance price tag ♪ ♪ money, money, money
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money, money, money i just wanna make the kimmel dance yeah ♪ ♪ forget about the price tag ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i want to thank courteney cox, gary busey. tomorrow night, "dancing with the stars" castoff and the belle brigade. "who you are," that is the new cd. playing us off the air with the song "nobody's perfect." you can see the full performance at jimmykimmellive.com. once again, jessie j. good night. ♪ when i'm nervous i have this thing
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