ethics investigation. that is our report for tonight. for all of us at abc news, thanks for watching, and good night, america. >> dicky: tonight on "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> jimmy: in celebration of easter tonight, our parking lot security guard guillermo is dressed as a march mallow peep. >> dicky: christoph waltz. >> who let the dog out? >> jimmy: president obama was in l.a. today. in town raising money for his campaign and meeting with dr.

>> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with an important message from bud light, the official beer of the nfl. the nfl draft is a week from tonight, and the bud light "best round ever" contest gives you a chance to win $10,000,000. here with more information, our newest spokesmodel heather. [ cheers and applause ] >> hi, i'm spokesmodel heather. would you like a bud lig? >> jimmy: yes. could you open it for me, please? because i'm busy holding these nachos. >> okay. >> jimmy: do you have an opener? >> yes, i do. >> jimmy: wonderful. >> nachos go great with bud light.

the best pick you can make for the nfl draft. >> jimmy: and when is that draft, heather? >> next thursday. >> jimmy: do you have details on how the contest works if. >> yes, i do. the nfl draft is next thursday, april 28th. if you predict all 32 picks from the first round correctly -- you could win $10 million. just find bud light on facebook and clk the "best round ever" tab. >> jimmy: tab indeed. thank you, heather. you're the best. >> thank you. >> dicky: make bud light your pick for the nfl draft. for more details on your chance to win $10 million, find "the best round ever" tab at facebook.com/budlight. >> jimmy: "jimmy kimmel live" back in two minutes kunal nayyar, music from phantogram and christoph waltz. and nachos. ♪ here we go. ♪

[ male announcer ] it's the sure sign of a good time. the just right taste of bud light. here we go. i gotta get a new phone. and sears will match it and give you up to a/ one-hundred dollar gift card. friday and saturday, bring in any ad from the home depot or lowe's, and get an extra ten-percent off all craftsman power lawn/ and garden equipment. it's a turf war. sears./ [ male announcer ] experi new trident vitality. ♪ ♪ ♪

trident vitality. with inspired ingredients, like vitamin c, white tea, and ginseng. ♪ [ male announcer ] surprisingly priced at $15,995, the 2011 jetta has arrived. discover german engineering and premium style on the jetta s with best-in-class rear legroom, as well as no-charge scheduled carefree maintenance, all standard. that's great for the price of good. hurry in, and for a limited time while they last get a 2011 jetta for $179 a month. visit vwdealer.com today. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- christoph waltz. from "the big bang theory," cue

nall n cue nall nay yard. and music from phantogram. with cleto and the cletoneetone. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" >> dicky: and now, let the truth be known. here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everyone, i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. i know we have a lot of -- we have a number of visitors in our audience tonight that are here for easter weekend. easter is on sunday this year. and -- on sunday, children will grab their little baskets in search with eggs filled with tiny lady gagas and be disappointed. the tradition of hiding eggs on ooiser goes all the way back to jesus when jesus told hisdy sipe ms, i'm going to be gone for a

few days. when i come back, i better not find any eggs laying around. in celebration of easter tonight, our parking lot security guard guillermo is dressed as a marshmallow peep. you look great, guillermo. normally he's just a marshmall security guard. finally, i have something that oprah doesn't. a peep. you know, there's no zipper in that. so, you're going to have to eat your way out of the costume. >> okay. >> jimmy: i like easter. it's a low pressure holiday. here is something interesting i learned today. jelly beans, technically not beans. i've been seeing a nutritiousist. easter is a big holiday for my family. my mother makes 80 or 90 meat and cheese pies and between 4,000 and 7,000 manicotti. she starts cooking on st. patrick's day and goes all the way up to sunday.

today, my uncle frank told me -- you remember what you told me about sunday? you said, don't forget, sunday. >> yeah. sunday's a big easter, the whole family's together. >> jimmy: what would make you think that iould forget that? i remembered the last 44 easters in a row. >> i know. no, i -- i thought i'd forget because i'm getting old. you wouldn't forget. >> jimmy: all right, thank you. we have a special easter giveaway for the audience tonight. under one of your seats is a colored egg. i want everyone to look, look under your seats and -- look for the colored egg. and then whoever finds it -- there it is right there. congratulations. [ applause ] that's cool. there you go. that's -- that egg is yours. were you expecting something else? this isn't oprah. i'm sorry.

i don't have things to give to people. you'll have to eat that. you can do whatever you want with it. it's hard boiled. there's some crazy weather going on in the deep south and the northeastern united states right now. tornadoes, thunderstorms, more than 100 tornadoes over the last week. mississippi and tennessee were actually blown into one big state called missiennisippi now. these storms are god's way of sending a message. and that is, when worm humid masses surge northward and combine with a strong jet stream, it can result in severe weather conditions. this is a video from youtube. this is unbelievable. this guy's talking to his wife right now in his car. >> yep. right now. trying to take pictures of it. >> reporter: he's in north carolina. >> i'm recording it. >> jimmy: that's a tornado coming toward. >> yeah, it's not one of those, i would say, you know, like, devastation terrible, i mean,

it's picking up leaves. i see stuff -- >> jimmy: it's a calm tornado. >> just twisting. it's blowing up some power >> oh, blew a roof off a house. >> jimmy: it is coming right at his car and he's not doing -- oh, my goodness. he melted her with wiper fluid. but isn't that crazy? [ applause ] i flee from tornadoes. i think there's an important message here. i can't stress this enough. if you see a tornado coming at you, please, please, make sure you have your video camera rolling. give us something to remember you by if god forbid anything happens. president obama was in los angeles today. he's in town raising money for his campaign, and also meeting with dr. 90210 about an ear tuck. obama is stock piling money for a possible run against the

current gop front runner, donald trump. that's right. he's been giving a lot of interviews this week. most of them have been centered around obama's birth certificate. his real concerns are opec, china and making sure all federal buildings are named after him. he's apparently so concerned about where the president was born he sent a team of investigators to hawaii to look for evidence. so far the only thing they found are a polar bear carcass, a four-toed statue, an empty tub of coleslaw and a cloud of african-american smoke. but -- wouldn't it be great for all this time, the birth certificate is in donald trump's hair? it would be. not all his interviews have been about the birther interview. some have focused on how great he is. say what you want about him, the man has plenty of self-esteem, as we learned in this interview with "the today show." >> i do a fantastic job, and,

you know, just, almost always, it works out really well and everybody says, oh, gee, what a great salesman he is. it's this. it's not my salesmanship. >> what? >> this, you know what that is? >> you're touching your temple. you're pointing to your head. >> this. >> oh. that looks like cotton candy. yes. >> the brain power. >> oh,rain power. i knew that. i knew that. yeah. >> jimmy: well, you got very close, uncle frank. [ applause ] very close. speaking of embarrassing presidents, video of russian president dmitry medvedev hit the internet a few days ago. now, this is -- that's him the arrow is pointing at him in the blue suit, dancing. just like carlton from "the fresh prince of bel air." he said the video was made a year ago during a meeting with college friends. he is either dancing or

suffering side effects from chernobyl, i'm not sure. presidents shouldn't dance. no one should dance, really, let's be honest. singing, on the other hand -- tonight on "american idol," they are down to six, and things are really starting to get exciting. even some air traffic controllers are staying awake to see what happens. stefano tonight is gone. he's been banished to the island of misfit karaoke singers. david cook performed on the show tonight. you remember him? it seems like the only jobs the "american idol" winners get is coming back to perform on "american idol." but -- katy perry sang tonight on the show with kanye west. she was supposed to sing "i kissed a girl," but producers couldn't get a hannibal mask on steven tyler in time. he used the f-word at least once, possibly twice last night. and the show is live. they had to drop the audio out. they tried to wash his mouth out

with soap, but there's not enough soap in all of costco to fill it. [ applause ] and it was -- it was an interesting program. casey abrams the kid with the beard, kissed jennifer lopez. steven tyler got a kiss last night, but from the one woman in the room he has no sexual interest in. >> good to see all of them. also, steven's dghter is here. did she give you that kiss? >> oh this one here? j.lo had to even it off. oh, over here. where's my daughter? mia, where are you? >> jimmy: looks just like her mom. apparently -- [ applause ] steven tyler has been invited to attend the white house correspondents dinner later this month and he'll be sitting at the same table with bristol palin. that's a good way to get shot by sara pah palin. the whole abstinence thing is about to be put to the test.

he has a very active libido. and without it, we would be deprived of steven tyler's creepy leer of the night. ♪ i'm so glad you have a one track mind like me ♪ ♪ you gave my love con nenectio♪ >> jimmy: that's a double, i think. the lizard tongue makes it extra creepy. tomorrow is earth day, in case you didn't know. yesterday was thone-year anniversary of the oil spill in the gulf of mexico. you don't hear much about the oil spill now days, but the affectof it are still being felt. cbs news in san francisco interviewed a commercial fisherwoman from louisiana this morning and in doing so, provided us with our unintentional joke of the day. >> i can't even catch crabs. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: tell you what, back

in -- in '78 -- get them like crazy. here's a story everyone will like. in florida, a robber attempted to break into the house of bobby smith. he's 81. but unfortunately for the would be robber, he's a very feisty 81. >> come around, just like that, just like baseball players do. >> an 81-year-old bobby smith of springfield says that was enough to stun an armed robber who he says was bold enough to hop a concrete fence and rummage through the kitchen. so, he confronted the man with a pan full of potatoes. his supper for the night. >> hit him upside the face. and the potatoes went all over him. then i raced back about six feet away and got this pitch fork. then i went to work on him. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: and then i cooked him. and now he's in my belly. there's some good movies opening this weekend. one of them is "water for elephants," featuring our guest tonight, christoph waltz. and the other one is "madea's big happy family." it wouldn't be easter without her. but this particular movie goes into a decidedly different direction than the other ones. this one has a different tone. >> she had the perfect family. >> ain't nobody bring a family together like you can. >> but she also had a secret. >> can you just told me one more time? >> a taste for domestic abuse. >> somebody does something that you don't like, you can beat the hell out of them and just say, so? >> from the producers of "drag me to hell" and "barbershop three," an american family fighting for their lives.

>> do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth? >> we out of hall. >> you out of hall? ain't got no -- >> who will survive? >> tyler perry's "madea's big happy family." rated r for black on black violence. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, that's -- i'll obably go see that. and one more thing. it's thursday night, it's time for our weekly tribute to the fcc whe fcc, where we bleep and blur thing whether they need it or not. it is "this week in unnecessary censorship." >> the president's proposal calls for some increases and also big [ bleep ]. >> plus, jane at the tower of london, where queens have lost their heads. >> these gentlemen are [ bleep ] [ bleep ]. >> dog came first to e to explain, quote, i release my clients after they have been arrested and [ bleep ] them up if they don't show up in court. >> how does it feel up there?

>> very good. >> bruno doesn't just want [ bleep ]. >> we have made the commitment over the next two years, to [ bleep ] over 20 million people. >> whoa. >> if you woke up with a stiff [ bleep ] today, it might be because of the way you slept. >> i love the fact that you came down here and bla[ bleep ] her. we didn't think that would happen. you love that, too, right? >> i loved it. >> yo. >> so many things that are thrown into this budget and yet we feel we need to, what, [ bleep ] a [ bleep ] with the losing party? >> just in time for easter, there's an iphone app that makes you look like the easter bunny is [ bleep ] your [ bleep ]. >> i will do something that begins with the letter f. yes? i will [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: oh, grover. hey, we have a good show for you tonight.

ku kunal nayyar is here. we have music from phantogram. and we'll be right back with christoph waltz, so stick around. [ woman ] nine iron, it's almost tee time. time to face the pollen that used to make me sneeze. but with zyrtec® liquid gels, i get fast, 24-hour allergy relief. so i feel better by the time we tee off. zyrtec® liquid gels work fast, so i can love the air®. ♪give me land lots of land ♪under starry skies above ♪don't fence me in ♪let me ride through the wide open country♪ ♪don't fence me in... the nokia astound smartphone music video games ...and more available exclusively at t-mobile

[ female announcer ] degree asked women to use these jingle bells during one entire day so they realize how much they move. [ bells jingling ] [ bells jingling ] that's why degree created the new motionsense technology, the only formula activated directly by movement to release bursts of freshness all day keeping you protected for longer than the leading antiperspirant. the more you move, the more it works. degree. it won't let you down. we all have a bloodline. but it takes a bold spirit to say, "it's my turn"... then go o and prove it. the new 2011 jeep compass. genetically engineered with jeep 4x4 capability, iconic beauty, and a red-blooded attitude all its own. the 2011 jeep compass. the evolution of a legendary bloodline. well-qualified lessees can get a 2011 jeep compass sport 4x2 for $239 a month.

introducing crest 3d white enamel renewal toothpaste. it not only removes up to 90% of surface stains in just two weeks, it also strengthens and rebuilds your enamel. new crest 3d whi enamel renewal toothpaste. life opens up when you do.

>> jimmy: welcome back to the show. i feel like, i don't know, why, guillermo, i have this urge to lay you down on the ground and just take a nap on you. >> yeah, sure. >> jimmy: even more so than usual. >> that's good. >> jimmy: tonight on the show from "the big bang theory," kunal nayyar is with us. and then music from this, their debut album, it's called "eyelid movies," fphantogram from the bd light stage. next week on the show,

mark ruffalo, jamie oliver, from "thor," kat dennings and jaimie alexander, sofia vergara manny pacquiao, we'll console the latest castoff fromdancing with the stars," and the great martin short. and for the musically inclined, we'll have music from alter bridge, robbie robertson, augustana and the airborne toxic event. join us next week. you know our first guest tonight from h oscar-winning role in "inglorious gas terlds" and from a long list of foreign films none of us have seen. you can see him alongsid reese witherspoon and an elephant in "water for elephants." it opens in this heeaters tomor. please say hello to christoph waltz. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: because i'm looking at it right now, are you particular with marshmallow peeps. do you have those -- >> with what? >> jimmy: with the big -- the candies we have -- >> i am not.

>> jimmy: oh, well, you'll love them. they are delicious. yeah, we're going to have to send you home with a basket. last time you were here, you just won the academy awad right across the street from us. [ cheers and applause ] >> maybe there's a correlation. >> jimmy: maybe you will go home with a mexican in a marshmallow tonight. an award of a different sort. >> questioyes. >> jimmy: do you remember much from that night? >> no. it's one general fog that i feel very nostalgic about. >> jimmy: you should, certainly. >> this was a trip that cannot be described. >> jimmy: what happens when you get the oscar, you carry it around all night -- >> all night. you hold onto it. >> jimmy: you show it to people -- >> no, you hold it. >> jimmy: do people ask to hold it? >> yeah, i don't let it -- >> jimmy: you don't let them. >> no. >> jimmy: then how do you get it home? >> i put it in, they give you a

beautiful box with the lining that's cut out like the oscar, and i put it in my hand luggage. it goes through the x-ray machine and the security person -- [ laughter ] and he said, he said -- is this real? >> i said, i don't know. >> jimmy: you have to let him touch it if he wants to. where did you put it? do you have a trophy case in your home? >> no, no, i put it armoire, close the door, armoire that i hardly ever go into because it's very intimidating to have it around all the time. >> jimmy: really? >> it looks more at me than i look at it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: do you ever go and just gaze at it? >> no, no. i just -- you know, when i -- i have few things that i occasionally need so when i need it, i open it -- >> jimmy: i was thinking about this today. i was wondering, first of all,

you we born in austria. if younow our governor, or our former governor, arnold schwarzenegger. have you met him? >> i vice president. >> jimmy: you haven't? >> no, it's very unfortunate. >> jimmy: did he send you a card after you won? >> no, i was slightly miffed. >> jimmy: i don't blame you. maybe he doesn't want the competition. >> that's my explanation, too, but -- >> jimmy: maybe he's upset because you come over and speak perfect english and he's here 30 years and we still can't understand anything he says. [ applau ] >> yes, but that could be the case but i'm only, like, a third his size, so -- >> jimmy: he's shrinking. we all do. he'll be this big event chully and you'll put him in your armoire if you want to. >> i don't need that kind of a shock. >> jimmy: your pal quentin tarantino came with you. is he hanging around backstage? >> yeah, he is. he's the prime example of a hanger arounder. >> jimmy: he likes to have fun.

does he take you out? >> he certainly does. spots that i otherwise would never see and never even realize that they exist. as a matter of fact, i really enjoy his company and i like going to his movie theater, you know, the new -- >> jimmy: he owns a movie theat theater. >> he invites people to program and it's fabulous. >> jimmy: it's a great thing. i think it was going out of business and he restored it and reopened it for people to go to and -- >> it's a little haven for cinema buffs. >> jimmy: yeah. >> is that where you go over and over again? >> yeah. >> jimmy: is that good? or maybe you should go some place else? boing, perperhaps? >> no, no, i like the girl -- >> jimmy: the ticket taker? oh, i see. i see. well, it all makes sense now. >> doesn't it? >> jimmy: you are enjoying yourself while you are here?

>> i certainly do. people always ask me, you know, dot you prefer new york? no. well, you should prefer new york. i said, why? well, if you compare the two -- it's nonsense, you know? it's like comparing apples and oranges, you know, the pun's intended. >> jimmy: yes, the big apple. [ laughter ] you even know our puns. schwarzenegger would have no idea what that meant. we have to get you together, i mean, really this is ridiculous that he hasn't invited you over to his home. >> yeah, you'r right. >> jimmy: to his movie theater or something. >> for a cigar. >> jimmy: you would think so. you've been an actor for a long time in the united states, we felt like we discovered you. >> that's cute. >> jimmy: does that bother you? >> not at all. camera operator once said to me, you're an overnight success over 35 years. >> jimmy: and it's true.

you must get all sorts of offers to do all sorts of things. >> fabulous stuff. >> jimmy: like what sort of thing? >> recently, they asked me to do a reality tv show. >> jimmy: oh, really? what sort of a show would it be? >> with singers and -- "american idol." do you know that? >> jimmy: that's a very popular show. >> it is? >> jimmy: what did they want you to do? >> be a judge. >> jimmy: really? >> is that strange? >> jimmy: well, it's -- that was a big deal here. we were wonder who the judges were going to be. did you meet with them? >> no, we did -- we did one show. >> jimmy: you did do a show? >> yeah. >> jimmy: i wi we had videotape of that. >> i got one. >> jimmy: womell, i'm being tol we do. let's take a look. ♪ >> stefano, i love it. i can't wait to see what you do every time.

steven? >> good job. really good, man. >> thank you. >> jennifer, what did you think, man? >> i thought it was very, very good. you really had your swag going on. >> are you three clinically insane? he was a train wreck. he was a disaster. stefano -- >> yes. >> you were terrible. you were naive, you were unlistenable. you failed. and therefore, you leave me no choice but to sentence you to death by firing squad. yes, yes, yes. yes, when it's terrible, you don't inflate a malfunctioning ego. you don't shower undeserved praise on the squeak box. no, you eliminate him. permanently.

>> i want to go out on a limb here and say that that is going to be the best performance of the night. >> he slayed it! he slayed it! >> mad max meets storm troopers on melrose, right? >> this is the exact problem i was talking about. praise, praise, too much praise. i just murdered a man in your presence. >> yeah, baby. yeah. >> enough already. i'm going to make it really simple for you. i'm going to sing a song and you will say something negative about me, otherwise i'll have you all executed. understood? >> go for it, man. just go for it. go for it. ♪ who let the dog out ♪ woof woof ♪ who let the dog out ♪ ruff ruff randy?

>> vocally, it was good. but it doesn't make you jump up and down. it was kind of boring. and, i mean, i love you -- >> you can live. j.lo? >> i'm just not sure that, at this point in the competition, we're kind of getting down to the wire and it's time to pull out the big guns. >> bigger than these? >> because you have so much emotion, it kind of takes you off. >> off. yeah. all right. off is worse than on. okay. you can live, too. and lastly, steven? >> you know what i'm going to say. i thought it was a great performance, as well. you -- you changed -- you changed so many people's minds because you're so good and you're that kind of an artist. i got to tell you, i love you, man. >> steven -- >> yeah? >> jimmy: that made a big mistake not hiring you.

christoph waltz, everybody. "water for elephants" opens tomorrow. we'll be right back with tomorrow. we'll be right back with christoph. hey'd been using - new suave professionals. [ male stylist ] suave? i'm very surprised. [ female stylist ] i'm completely blo away. this does change my mind about suave. -luxurious. -supermodel. big sexy hair. [ male stylist ] new suave professionals actually works like an expensive salon product. [ male announcer ] new suave professionals. reformulated to work as well as top salon brands. rethink salon hair. as top salon brands. to increase its profile isculpted for optimal aerodynamics... it reduces wind resistance, in an irresistible sort of way the all-new ford focus with up to 40 miles per gallon highway

[ ostrich squawks ] whoa. [ woman screams ] oh no... she's chewing stride spark! abort! abort! [ growls ] [ screams ] [ male announcer ] new stride spark. flavor you can feel. oomph you can taste. [ marketer ] get the ram! [ male announcer ] new stride spark™. the ridiculously long lasting gum®. with flavor you can feel.

and so we use this k-y yours and mine. now, this one produces an amazing sensation in her... um...in... they get it. ah. [ chuckles ] and this one produces a thrilling feeling on my... but the real surprise is when they combine. ♪ [ giggling ] [ female announcer ] k-y brand yours and mine. save $5 at k-y.com. [ female announcer ] k-y brand yours and mine. that the new focus can it virtually park itself.ve till you actually see it... park itself. the all-new ford focus

with class-exclusive active park assist.

>> i want you all to experience the earthquake impact of what i'm about to show you. joe, the doors? children, meet our salvation. we got ourselves a guarantee sellout crowd cheering bull. her name's rosie. she's 53 and she's brilliant. >> what's that in her mouth? >> she ran off, they found her

eating a cemetery plot. i'm going to come up with a whole new star act around you and her. >> i'm not getting up on that. i've never ridden an elephant in my life. >> jimmy: that's "water for elephants," it opens tomorrow. christoph waltz is with us. now, robert pattinson was here last night and he said he was nervous around the animals. were you nervous around the animals? >> well, yeah, this lion was kind of intimidating. >> jimmy: lion. how does that work with a lion? is it trained? >> well, that lion, apparently, was the only lion who would ferociously go at something because they auditioned several lions and they were all too tame. they were all niceind of pussy-catty. >> jimmy: they wanted a dangerous lion? >> well, of course, something dangerous happens -- i don't want to give it away. >> jimmy: and how are you protected from the lion?

>> bars. very strong bars. and thank god his paw was -- you call it a paw on a lion? >> jimmy: yeah. >> paw sounds nice. >> jimmy: soft and -- >> yeah. was too big but there was a tiger next door to the lion who had a smaller paw and he always reached out through the bars. >> jimmy: to try to -- >> no, he just wanted to play. >> jimmy: oh, yeah sure. like a cat plays with a little bird kind of play, right? so you're okay around them -- >> yeah, no, it's okay as long as a trainer is around the animals. >> jimmy: is the circus in europe like the circus in the united states? >> nothing like it. it's like a completely different thing. >> jimmy: in what way? >> well, first of all, we have one ring. people in europe like to concentrate on the art. >> jimmy: we have the three rings. >> three rings and you don't care about a single one because everything is happening. >> jimmy: we're very distracted. >> and it's, you know, loud and

aggressive. clowns -- clowns here are frightening. >> jimmy: yes. i agree. so, you guys don't stuff as many of them as you can into a volkswagen and -- >> and make that explode? >> jimmy: not explode. do we do that now? i have to go back to the circus. and then have them come jumping out. you don't do that? >> not really. >> jimmy: gentler clowns. >> gentler clowns and sort of -- >> jimmy: i understand you had a little bit of a love affair on the set. tell white house's going on here this is a scandalous photo. you playing that like a tuba or something? >> sounds good. >> jimmy: do elephants like it when you blow into their trunk? >> trunk. they -- well -- she didn't mind. >> jimmy: she differedn't mind? well, it's great to see you. i hope you come back. >> so do i. >> jimmy: congratulations agn.

the movie is called "water for elephants," it opens tomorrow. be careful with quentin tarantino. we'll be right back with cue nall n knew na kunal nayyar. [ male announcer ] the $5 footlong

orchard chicken salad sub is back! packed with juicy chicken, sweet apples, tart cranberries, and crunch-a-licious celery. it's a bushel full of flavor on freshly baked bread. the $5 footlong orchard chicken salad -- here foa limited time only! subway. eat fresh. i really didn't see it coming. i didn't realize i was drifting into the other lane. [ kim ] i was literally falling asleep at the wheel. it got my attention, telling me that i wasn't paying attention. i had no idea the guy in front of me had stopped short. but my car did. -my car did. -thankfully, my mercedes did. [ male announcer ] a world you can't predict... demands a car you can trust. the e-class.

see your authorized mercedes-benz dealer for exceptional offers through mercedes-benz financial services. the's an easy way to fix that. new lubriderm® men's 3-in-1. the first and only body, face, post shave lotion in one bottle. do something different? male announcer ] new lubriderm® men's 3-in-1.

[ male announcer ] experi new trident vitality. ♪ ♪ ♪ trident vitality. with inspired ingredients, like vitamin c, white tea, and ginseng. ♪

tastes so luscious, i enjoy it with lobster... mmmm... shrimp... oh... and mussels. [ male announcer ] fresh butter taste with 70% less saturated fat than butter. [ kim ] you can have it all. and sears will match it and give you up to a/ one-hundred dollar gift card. friday and saturday, bring in any ad from the home depot or lowe's, and get an extra ten-percent off all craftsman power lawn/ and garden equipment. it's a turf war. sears./ special k protein shakes -- ♪ a truly great-tasting breakfast shake. with 10 grams of protein and 5 grams of fiber, it's the creamy, delicious way to satisfy... your hunger to help you lose weight. ♪ so you can kick the tin can habit. try special k protein shakes today.

i thought it was over here... ♪ [car horn honks] our outback always gets us there... ... sometimes it just takes us a little longer to get back. ♪

>> jimmy: welcome back. still to come, phantogram. our next guest was born among brits, raised among indians and has blossomed among nerds. he is one of the stars of "the big bang theory." you can watch it thursday nights on cbs. please welcome kunal nayyar. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: did i pronounce your name correctly? >> you are the only american who has ever pronounced it correctly. >> jimmy: thank you. >> you are proud to be an american. >> jimmy: where are you from? >> india. >> jimmy: are you from there? >> i grew up in india my whole

life. and new delhi is a small town in india. >> jimmy: is it? >> no, it's like -- that was my first attempt at the worst joke ever. >> jimmy: we don't know anything, so -- if you say there are 11 people there -- >> yeah, yeah, about 14 million. >> jimmy: oh, wow. does your family still live there? >> my parents do. and i get to talk to them on the phone. my mom called, i'm like, i'm about to go on jimmy kimmel, like i told you. okay, cool. this one thing that i had to ask you about -- i was like, no, you don't understand, like this is a really cool thing. yeah, yeah, okay, one second, i have to ask you one thing. >> jimmy: do they understand what's going on with you? you're on a television show? >> they do. the show is popular in india. when i first booked the show, like, i was like, dad, i got cast in the show. they knew the process. they were like, yeah, that's awesome. and then they were like, what does this mean, getting cast? like, just leave it to your parents to cut, like, bring you

down to earth in one second. >> jimmy: very enthusiastic. >> they're like, this is amazing what does this mean? are you going to be on the show? are you writing for the show? they have no -- >> jimmy: so, were there american tv shows on? >> yeah, we got -- we got, like, we got cable when i was like, like, grade seven, and the first american shows were "wonder year years" and "doogie houser." >> jimmy: you work with him now. >> yeah, i said to him something about it in the beginning. and i regretted it. and i really loved "wonder years." when i first had my first kiss -- i have kissed a girl. it does happen in my life. once -- [ applause ] once, i know.

do i have to be katy perry royal ties for that? >> jimmy: she has enough. >> she does. so, in class eight i was, not -- i don't know what dating means when you are in class eight there was this cute girl, she was older than me, and she wanted me to make the move. i didn't know how. in india, we have, like, t lights in the summers, you would lose electricity for a couple of hours, and suddenly the lights went out, we were together in the room, and she was like, now you have to kiss me, and i was like, okay. i had no idea what to do. you know, so, she kissed me and we kissed and it wasn't like, oh, my god, i'm kissing a girl. ism was like, huh, remember that scene when winnie and kevin kissed in the bar? that is what this is like. fast forward to the show, season three, danica was on the show and my character gets to make out with her. so, i told her that story, i was

like, you know, obviously, it's slightly weird when actors kiss. it wasn't weird for me. it was awesome. so, i'm like, i kiss her, i tell her the story in the makeup rm the day of taping, in a very sweet way. she goes, cool, cool story. that's nice. and i was like, maybe i shouldn't have told her, maybe i seem like -- >> jimmy: you have a lot of regrets, don't you? >> yeah. >> jimmy: i think it's perfectly fine. you are being honest. >> it wasn't a bad story, right? would you have told her that story? >> jimmy: oh, yes. i would definitely told her. i would have walked in there nude and told her that story. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and then said, let's practice! and -- so, do you go back home and visit? >> yeah, at least twice a year. >> jimmy: what's the first thing you want to do when you get to new delhi? >> other than eat, like, not that i'm a glutton, but i like

to get in the car, we drive on the different si of the road, i like to drive. that's the first thing i like to do. >> jimmy: why? >> it's like a video game. >> jimmy: in what way? >> you know the game, like grant theft auto, but think of that game, but you're not trying to kill people, but it's the similar idea. you get in the car and, oh, my god, there's a bicycle, there's a truck, and there's an elephant. it's like -- no, i'm serious. you won't believe me. but they're on the road sometimes. and stray dogs and monkeys and -- >> jimmy: the monkeys. >> the monkeys are mean. >> jimmy: we heard about the monkeys when president obama was supposed -- >> he needed extra security -- >> jimmy: anti-monkey measures. >> yeah. you guys are latching buzz it's really serious. but this is like -- these monkeys, they will slap you, they will steal your food. they will try to do, like, sexual things to to you. >>jimmy: really? >> these monkeys, they are -- they are like an organized mafia.

>> jimmy: wow. so the power goes out and you are one-on-one with a monkey in the darked a god knows what might happen. >> exactly. you never know the way the monkey is going to behave. >> jimmy: well, you've done a heck of a commercial for the department of tourism there. >> i know. don't worry. the monkeys aren't actually going to attack you. >> jimmy: great to meet you. thank you for coming. congratulations on all your success. "the big bang theory" is the show. watch it thursday nights on cbs. kunal nayyar, everybody. we'll be right bk with f phantogr phantogram.

twizzlers. the twist you can't resist.

the jimmy kimmle series featured by bud light. >> their debut island movies, when i'm small.

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ when you lead me away ♪ we're leaving today ♪ show me love

♪ sure enough ♪ you've got your hand on the button now ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

♪ take me all the way ♪ ♪ ♪ you've got your hand on the button now ♪ ♪ sure enough you've got your hand on the button now ♪ ♪