check in on "good morning america." we'll see you right back here tomorrow. tonight on jimmy kimmel live. >> all that time together, the only three words of spanish arnold learned were asta and la vista. isn't that unbelievable? >> chaz bono. >> as far as the penis goes, because i have one and i recommend it highly. >> and music from ramstein. >> american idols are idols in the same way american cheese is cheese.

hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with exciting news. "jimmy kimmel live" has an app. here now with the details, katie. hello, katie. how are you? >> good, how are you? >> jimmy: go ahead. >> we are pleased to -- you, katie -- what was that? sorry. >> jimmy: yours is in blue. >> hello, i'm pleased to be here to introduce the "jimmy kimmel live" app. >> jimmy: we're pleased to have you, katie. tell us about some of the app's features. >> with the "jimmy kimmel live" app, you can watch video from the show anywhere on the go. >> jimmy: even like in the tub? >> i mean, if it's waterproof. >> jimmy: even at the circus? >> i mean, sure, if you want to -- what if you lose it on a roller coaster? >> jimmy: even if you're riding a unicorn in heaven?

>> a ewe corn? it would be hard to ride that and hold this at the same time. >> jimmy: okay, back to the cue cards. [ laughter ] >> and you can read all jimmy kimmel's hilarious personal tweets. best of all, it's free. and available on the ipad, iphone, and ipad touch. >> jimmy: how do we install the app? >> go to the itunes apple store and type your name. >> jimmy: type whose name, theirs or mine? >> your, jimmy. >> jimmy: all right. >> duh. [ laughter ] then click the free install button and wait for it to download and install. >> jimmy: wow, it's so easy, even i can do it. thanks, katie. >> thanks. >> the "jimmy kimmel live" app, available exclusively at the apple app store. "jimmy kimmel live" back in two minutes with albert brooks, chaz bono and music from rammstein.

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>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- albert brooks. chaz bono. and music from rammstein. with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" >> dicky: and now, first and foremost, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: gracias. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thanks for coming. thank you for being here. welcome to hollywood. i don't know if you saw, but outside our building today, one of the great singers, chaka khan, got a star on the hollywood walk of fame. which as very big deal in show business.

chaka khan should get four stars. that way, while you walk, you can say, chaka khan, chaka khan. chaka khan, chaka khan. right? we have quite a lineup for you tonight. who is here to see albert brooks, who is here to see rammstein, and who is here to see chaz bono? really, a lot of crossover. we will definitely make a love connection in this audience tonight. speaking of love connections, the saga of arnold schwarzenegger and the maid continues to dominate the news here in california. as you probably know, on tuesday, arnold admitted to having fathered a child with a member of his housekeeping staff. specifically, this member of his housekeeping staff. there they are dancing. to mariachi music. same thing i do with my maid all the time. tmz got a hold of that picture and this one, too. i guess -- i hope it was

halloween, but that's a pirate named mildred. arnold and mildred. sounds like an old jewish couple. doesn't it? [ laughter ] >> but they're not. here's the happy couple posing during christmas time. jingling all the way as arnold has been known to do. feliz navi-dad. that's not the mystery kid, though. that is arnold's son with maria. tmz has a number of pictures of the two of them taken over many years. all that time together, the only three words of spanish arnold learned were hasta, la and vista. isn't that unbelievable? since schwarzenegger left office, he's been working on an animated show. a cartoon about himself which -- what's the point of a cartoon arnold schwarzenegger? how much more of a cartoon can he be? the original pitch for the show was arnold leads a double life so secret that even his wife maria and kids are unaware. it's based on a true story. but now that his double life

isn't so secret anymore, the producers have changed it up. this is the new version of the trailer. it's the trailer for the cartoon, updated to incorporate the unexpected events of this week. >> and i take full responsibility for making a little love child-anator with the cleaning lady. and for that i am truly sorry. >> arnold, why didn't you use protection? >> i did, larry. i used a condom, some duct tape, a latex glove and i ate one, two, three birth control pills. but my sperm are superpowered. latex cannot contain them. i am no longer the governator. from now on, my mission is to get on my motorcycle and drive around california getting everybody pregnant! i am the "baby-make-inator." [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: good stuff.

so i guess then a vasectomy is out of the question. [ laughter ] meanwhile, the identity of arnold's previously unknown child has not been released to the media. but, never fear, the media is parked outside his mistress' house as we speak looking to get a picture. you know, some people are worried what kind of effect all this would have on the child who has been described as a polite 13-year-old boy who regularly walked a white poodle named sugar around the neighborhood. but well, at least we know he won't be knocking anyone up, right? needless to say, the -- the revelation that arnold fathered a child outside of his marriage has caused him a great deal of embarrassment. but the silver lining is, somehow he's managed to parlay that embarrassment into a terrific business opportunity. >> are you a powerful elected official and/or a heavily accented movie star who fathered a baby out of wedlock? then, you need the hasta la vista baby.

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so that's good. it's sad to get so close to the finals, only to get cut the week before, but when it comes down to it, it doesn't really matter. who remembers who won last year? do you know who won last year? "american idols" are idols in the same way american cheese is cheese. 50 cent performed on the show tonight. and not one person got shot. he's slipping a little. this is pretty good. you remember that youtube video where the scientist dropped the mentos in the bottle of diet coke? well, here is how that experiment goes when conducted by a nonscientific professional. that's the guy i was talking about. the nonscientific professional. he has inserted the mentos into the bottle. okay, now he's going to try to -- whoa! [ cheers and applause ] i mean, if he did that ten times, maybe four times, right? could we see the end of that one

more time? look out! forget thor, that's why they invented 3d, for that video right there. the cameraman was literally blinded by science. [ laughter ] have you guys heard what's happening on saturday? the world is ending on saturday. that's right. according to a radio broadcaster named harold camping, this saturday, may 21st, is judgment day. we will be judged by randy and j.lo. [ laughter ] and then on sunday everyone votes and whoever, i guess -- i don't know, i guess we go to hell. i don't know. i have to say, it would really suck if we only got to live three weeks longer than bin laden. wouldn't it? [ laughter ] [ applause ] for everyone except arnold schwarzenegger. [ cheers and applause ] so make sure to write all this down. the apocalypse starts saturday. a new season of "the bachelorette" starts monday. okay? [ laughter ] hey, speaking of the world

ending, it's time for the countdown, guillermo. you ready? >> yes. >> jimmy: here we go. there are only four oprah winfrey shows left. and, guillermo has -- go ahead, guillermo. there you go, all right. four oprah winfrey shows left. [ applause ] apparently stedman finally laid down the law and said, woman, i want dinner on the table when i get home. and so she quit her show. it's very sad. it's probably the saddest thing that's ever happened. but i have some good news for you. i just got off the phone with oprah about an hour ago. i talked to her. i told her we needed her and guess what? she's not leaving! oprah is staying on the air! oprah isn't going anywhere! oprah's here to stay forever!

no, she's leaving. [ laughter ] she's definitely leaving. she's definitely leaving. i'm sorry. but you know what helps if you are feeling sad about oprah? ice cream. lots and lots of ice cream. right? oprah's final show airs next wednesday, may 25th. honestly, i don't know how i'll go on. how do i know what books to read? who will tell me what mango facial scrub to use? how will i know what brand of bra will give me the greatest sense of empowerment as a woman? the truth is, oprah will never leave us. she will appear like obi-wan kenobi when we need her most. "forbes" magazine by the way just released their list of the 100 most powerful celebrities. oprah was number two this year. number one last year. this year she was beaten by lady gaga. put those two in a cage match, i guarantee oprah comes out the most powerful celebrity. [ cheers and applause ]

this week, to honor oprah, we are doing something very special. we've taken the audio from some of the great moments of the oprah show and combined it with video from some great cartoons. tonight, we mashed up oprah's famous interview with mike tyson with video from "the hulk." take a look. >> tell us what happened the night you snapped during the holyfield fight. >> i wanted to beat him up. i was just mad at him. >> did you ever feel remorse for it? >> i apologized to him. >> when you apologized, did you feel the apology? >> no, i did not, no. it wasn't sincere. i thought i was a god. >> so you used the word god because you thought of yourself as a god. >> i think subconsciously i'm a peacock. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's back when oprah wore a cape. and by the way that's what a peacock looks like when you expose it to gamma rays. one more thing with about oprah, as a fellow talk show host, it's humbling to see this worldwide outpouring of love for oprah. it makes me wonder how people

would react if i were to leave my show. so we sent a camera crew to the farmer's market here in l.a. to talk to people about oprah's departure and while we were at it, to take their temperature about mine, too. enjoy. >> i'm going to miss oprah i grew up watching oprah. you know, my mom always watched it. >> i make dinner watching oprah every day. i don't know what i'm going to do at 4:00. >> anything that oprah does and she does it herself, just turns out to be miraculous. >> it makes me very sad that she's leaving. >> she's done so much for children. so much for women. >> she's been phenomenal. she's been inspiration to me and a lot of people i know. >> she's a role model to so many. i just hate to see her go. >> it's the end of an institution, really. >> and how do you feel about "jimmy kimmel live" coming to an end? >> eh. >> i don't know who jimmy kimmel is. >> -- doesn't hold a camera to oprah, come on. >> he doesn't. he's a mental light weight. >> never heard of him. >> i never watched the show. >> i've seen him from time to time. it is not my favorite.

>> i don't know much about jimmy kimmel. >> if he goes, it's okay with me. i really don't watch his show. >> we like piers morgan. >> i was going to say, we like piers morgan. >> who is jimmy kimmel? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you know what, that makes me feel good to know that -- [ applause ] we have a good show for you tonight. chaz bono is here on the show with us. we have music from rammstein. and we'll be right back with albert brooks, so stick around. ♪ ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] nothing will keep you from magnum.

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♪ >> jimmy: well, hello, welcome back. tonight on the show, we have two authors on the show. first, the author of this book,

called "transition: the story of how i became a man." chaz bono is here. [ cheers and applause ] we're gonna chat with chaz and then we're gonna arm wrestle. then, after that, an enormously popular band from germany. this is their latest album. it's called "liebe ist für alle da," which means either "love is for everyone" or "i'm going to kill you with an axe." i'm not sure. [ applause ] rammstein from the bud light outdoor stage. the lead singer has a light implanted in his mouth. when he opens his mouth, there's light. tomorrow we'll be joined by khloe kardashian odom. she also has a light implanted in her mouth. we have music from scott weiland and a science demonstration from our tv friend science bob pflugfelder. so please join us for that. our first guest tonight is one of the funniest men in the world. he is an academy award-nominated actor, director and screenwriter and one of very few people who can say they co-starred in "taxi driver" and "finding nemo." this is his first book. it is a good one, too.

it's a novel called "2030: the real story of what happens to america." please welcome albert brooks. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's -- well, first of all, welcome. and thanks for the memories, that's bob hope's -- >> the day after he died i stole that. >> jimmy: really? >> actually i was in negotiations when he was still alive but he didn't know it. it's too good to let go. >> jimmy: thank you for coming. great to have you here. >> i want to tell the audience something. the reason i'm here -- >> jimmy: oh. >> he wrote me a note and i -- i'm not going to read it because it was private, but he wrote me

the nicest note and, you know, asking me to come and all of that and i'll tell you something, it's what did the trick. also, in the envelope was this white powder -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> i need more. i need more of that. >> jimmy: you need more of that? you liked it? >> yeah, please. >> jimmy: uncle frank? uncle frank gets it for me. >> i didn't know what it was. i wrote another book. i painted my house. please. i'm -- >> jimmy: very productive. well, it's a pleasure to have you. i always wanted to have you on the show. when i saw you had a book, i thought, well, this could be the chance. by the way, i want to thank you, also, because on twitter -- i have it written down here. you tweeted, "getting ready to do jimmy kimmel tonight. watching his old shows to make sure which one he is." [ laughter ] thank you. thank you very much. that's -- did you figure it out because i haven't yet. >> by the way, you at least -- you have the courtesy to follow me. >> jimmy: i do follow you. >> you know? @albertbrooks.

and some of the other hosts who wrote the notes -- i think the notes are hallmark. they are all the same. but they didn't have the powder. but some of the other hosts, they don't follow -- now, if you don't follow you on -- if you don't follow me -- >> jimmy: you have to follow. not only do i follow you, i tweeted -- i told everyone to follow you and some of those people listened and actually are following you now. >> jimmy: do you do your own tweets? >> yeah, i do. i do my own tweets. you do your own tweets, don't you? >> please. what do you think, i'm an indian person? >> jimmy: maybe. you have a call center there at your house? >> how do you spell "jew"? >> jimmy: first of all, let's talk about this transformation from woman to man. oh, wait a minute. i have the wrong card here. hold on. [ laughter ] i want to ask you -- because i know we -- [ applause ] we started out somewhat similarly. >> get all the jokes out before he comes out here.

you can get them out on me. i don't mind. >> jimmy: there will be some when he gets out here, too. >> okay, okay. >> jimmy: but i thought this was interesting. that you started kind of performing at school, in your high school. >> yeah. early on, i -- when i could get a chance to get a microphone. i grew up here in los angeles. and it's funny how, in my lifetime, you know -- hollywood, you didn't want to go into when i was a kid. >> jimmy: our area here? >> yeah, the kodak people weren't going to come there yet. where your theater is right now was -- it's like nostalgic for me. it was my first prostitute. >> jimmy: is that right? wow. and see -- [ applause ] >> jimmy: probably still out there. >> that's right. and it's funny, you're clapping and she, well -- anyway. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: is that really true? >> yes. >> jimmy: wow. that's fantastic. >> yeah, when -- we -- a lot of

my friends and i, in our teen years, pooled our money to try to lose our virginity, just quickly. >> jimmy: wow. and do you feel that helped you get over the hump, or whatever, however you want to say it? once you knew what it was, do you feel like you knew -- >> no, i'll tell you what it did. it trained me for the bull in hollywood. she told me i was great and i believed her. >> jimmy: did this take place in the car or did you actually go somewhere? >> it took place where you are sitting. >> jimmy: in this seat? >> what am i going to say? >> jimmy: that's unbelievable. >> no, it wasn't in a car. there were apartments where people could go. it was more legal then. >> jimmy: yeah. well -- [ laughter ] it's still pretty rough around here. and i bet you she's still walking the streets calling your name. >> oh, god. >> jimmy: she might be dressed as a super hero now. that's our new thing we have here. >> let's hope i don't have a kid. >> jimmy: i'm really enjoying the book, and -- yeah, well. you have -- how old are your kids?

>> i have a 12 1/2-year-old son and a daughter who's 11 and it's the best thing that ever happened. >> jimmy: does the boy know about this story of your deflowering? you're not going to send him over here, are you? >> what do you think, i tell him prostitute stories? >> jimmy: well, i don't know. you're a show biz guy. i don't know what goes on. >> no, no, the boy doesn't -- but i ran the white powder joke by him, though. >> jimmy: he approved of that? >> my daughter's already like -- i don't know. i'm sure people -- there is something in the milk or it's the plastic. because she's 11 and she could go to a bar by herself now and get in. it's frightening. it's scary to me. and it happened so quickly because she was like, you know, so cuddly and always a snuggle at bedtime. i swear to god, two nights ago, she's reading in bed and i said, honey, do you want to snuggle? and she says to me, "i'm good." >> jimmy: i'm good? >> yeah, i'm good.

that's what i'm going to say when they ask me for a car. >> jimmy: not a bad idea. would you consider yourself an anxious person? do you worry about things? >> did you read the book? >> jimmy: i don't know if it's coming from you or if it's just -- >> an act? >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. because i am like that myself. and i worry -- >> let me ask you a question, have you ever met anyone who is really anxious that it is an act? why would you act that way? >> jimmy: some people do up the ante, i guess, and sometimes i think comedians will romanticize that kind of thing. >> romanticize that there's doom coming. that's what i love to do. >> jimmy: you know how -- >> i would love to have a beer and say, "come on, death! come on, baby, i dare you!" >> jimmy: the way you can tell whether somebody's really anxious is the way they say the word "doom" and the way you said it means you're really worried about doom. >> listen, i -- if there's any advantage to getting older, and there's none, don't believe the wisdom crap.

>> jimmy: is that right? >> oh, jimmy, i give up 12 i.q. points to be able to walk up a stairs without hurting. [ applause ] you know, i -- i really carry a notebook where i used to write jokes. i just write down all my activities so i know -- oh, i waved good-bye to somebody at the airport. then two days later, i think i'm having a heart attack. well, i waved good-bye, that's what it is. anyway, what i'm saying is that, if there's anything about getting older, it's that the doom part diminishes a little bit. >> jimmy: does it? >> yeah, you know, what are you going to do? you get tired of worrying about it. >> jimmy: the overall theme, i think, of this book, is, something i think about almost every time i do a charity event and they are looking to cure this disease or that disease, and i think, well, what if they do cure all these diseases and then what's going to happen? i mean, if nobody dies -- >> i'll tell you what's going to happen.

you won't want to go near the 405. you think it's crowded now -- you wait until you see 40 million people cured. >> jimmy: when we come back, we're going to look into the future with albert brooks. his great new book is called "2030: the real story of what happens to america." we'll be right back. with albert brooks. man: and all the pens are put down... woman: and everything there is to learn is learned. man: till the heroes retire and the monsters return to their dens... woman: and all the plots are wrapped up. man: till that day... boy: by hook or by crook... girl: by book or by nook... woman: i will read.

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>> jimmy: hi there, we're back with albert brooks. chaz bono and rammstein are on the way. congratulations, by the way. the book on "the new york times" best seller list, which is quite an accomplishment. it's a snofl. >> that's right. >> jimmy: that's a lot harder, isn't it? >> for fiction it's very hard. those are the airport books, you know? all the books -- i was going to -- it's a little easier if you write a memoir but when you have to compete with "the girl with the dragon tattoo," which by the way is part of the band that's coming out. when you have to -- it's very hard. i wanted to change the title to "the navy s.e.a.l. diet" but they -- just to help sell it at the airport. >> jimmy: speaking of the navy s.e.a.l.s, some of the stuff -- when did you start writing this book?

>> i started a year and a half ago. >> jimmy: some of the stuff that you wrote has already kind of come true. >> well, one of the things, and, i mean, there's humor in the book. it's not a doom and gloom book because we're still here and to me that's, you know, i don't really like the armageddon stories where denzel washington's the only one left and he's got a torn jacket and he's eating a bird. that's not my favorite -- that's not my favorite story. i think this is hopeful in a way. but one of the things that happens in the beginning of the book that sets the action is a 9.1 earthquake on the san andreas fault. and when i wrote it, there was somebody, the publisher, who said, isn't that an extreme number? and i said no. and then, of course, the tragedy in japan, all of a sudden, you see a 9. and that's the pacific rim. we're on the other side of that. so, i do believe that, you know,

i've lived through all the earthquakes here and even the little ones are impossible to just -- >> jimmy: yeah. you think about them. >> the freeway comes down at a 6. so, you don't want to be here. i hope all you guys are on vacation when the 9 happens. >> jimmy: i'm building a nerf home right now that i can live in safely. it will not come down. if i gets wet, it will get a little crunchy. other than that, it will be fine. >> with all due respect, i love scientists. but i think earthquake science is the stupidest of all the scientists. >> jimmy: i agree with you. >> because they stick the things in the ground and then, well, the san andreas fault is never more capable -- will never do more than a 7.1. what are you, god? [ laughter ] how do you know what the middle of the earth is going to decide to do one morning? >> jimmy: have you been there? >> yet they tell us in a million years, los angeles will be above san francisco. so, oh, i see, that happens in little teeny baby steps? maybe one morning it just goes to bakersfield, you don't know.

>> jimmy: and there's something that bothers me is, they'll tell you what the magnitude of the earthquake is. say it's a 7.1 but it's set, like, two hours in the middle of the desert. there should be relative magnitude. >> absolutely. let me tell you, a 2 one mile under where you live is like a 9 in the desert. >> jimmy: exactly. >> there's no relative -- >> jimmy: we have to work together to solve this. >> yeah. >> jimmy: maybe that's the next book. relative magnitude. i'd be happy to work on it with you. >> you would. >> jimmy: yeah, i would love to. >> i'll tweet you about it. >> jimmy: okay, yeah. tweet me. [ laughter ] [ applause ] did you find that this is a more difficult process than writing a screenplay? >> it was actually more enjoyable. because my whole training is writing screenplays, but my budgets aren't very large. so what happens is that your imagination, before you know it, becomes restricted. like, the first movie i made, the movie called "real life," i had a scene where a house burned down and a horse died and, you know, i just wrote it, i

thought, okay. then i sat with a guy for an hour. how are you going to kill the horse? you know how much that costs? no. we can't kill a horse. it's too expensive. okay. can you put him to sleep an hour? do you know how much that is? it's all the talk about, how can i get the horse to close his eyes and look dead? that cost $25,000 for a horse to pretend. >> jimmy: but in this, you can destroy the entire city of los angeles. >> it's not just that. this is -- has global, you know, the chinese play a big part in this book and, really, one of the themes of this book that i do like is the upcoming war that i think is going to happen, between the younger generations and the older generations. >> jimmy: yeah, that's a great -- and the book, again, it's very funny. besides being very interesting, it's very funny. >> my son already looks at me and i can see in his face, i'm not paying for your wheelchair. i ain't paying for it. >> jimmy: take him for a walk around the neighborhood, all will be forgiven. >> yeah.

>> jimmy: well, it's great to see you. it's great to have you here. albert brooks' book is called "2030: the real story of what happened to america." we'll be right back with chaz bono. to others, an obstacle. but when you're genetically engineered with jeep 4x4 capability and iconic beauty, it's more like a mud bath at the spa. ♪

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>> jimmy: hi there. we are back. still to come, rammstein will be here. our next guest started life in the public eye as a little girl on "the sonny and cher show." and now he is a man and still on

tv with a documentary on the own network and a book called "transition: the story of how i became a man." please say hello to chaz bono. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are you? thanks for coming. >> i'm good. i almost feel like i need to apologize at this point. i've been on tv so darn much. >> jimmy: you have done a lot. but there are still people that don't know, first of all, you started out on "the sonny and cher show." i used to watch you when you were a little girl and your parents would hold you up on that show and now, then you turned into a man. >> right. like that. >> jimmy: like magic. >> exactly. magic. >> jimmy: you feel good being a man now? >> i do. >> jimmy: it's great, isn't it? >> it is. it is. >> jimmy: and oprah didn't make you do this, right, to help launch her network? because if she did, tell me and i'll handle it. >> no, she didn't.

>> jimmy: we need content. if you want to be on this network, you're going to have to become a man and next season you might have to go back, so get ready. >> i've been transitioning for just over two years now. >> jimmy: just over two years. we have something in common that we both kind of grew up, i grew up in las vegas -- >> i spent a heck of a lot of time there. >> jimmy: one thing is, my mother isn't cher. >> right. yeah. >> jimmy: so that is a key difference. between us. >> no, i -- >> jimmy: your mother's birthday is coming up. >> tomorrow. yeah. >> jimmy: you have a gift for her? >> i do. >> jimmy: okay, good. >> i'm not going to say what it is. >> jimmy: she must be very hard to shop for. >> she's so hard to shop for. yeah. incredibly hard. >> jimmy: you could give her an autographed copy of your book but i assume she has one already. you know, i think it's interesting, you have a good sense of humor, because we didn't see much laughter or anything in all the very serious interviews that you've been doing.

>> well, yes, no. >> jimmy: who is the funnier of your parents? >> my dad was really hilarious. >> jimmy: your dad? >> they both have great sense of humors. i have to say. my mom is very sharp and very funny. but my dad was, like, really funny. and -- >> jimmy: in what way? >> big practical joker. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> huge. just, like, merciless. so -- >> jimmy: can you think of one good one that he did -- >> there's so many. i think i write in the book, but he used to paint my face, you know, burn a cork and paint my face black when i was a little kid and then hang me in the closet and ask my mom to get his coat for him. [ laughter ] and he -- [ applause ] >> jimmy: there's a lot of weird things about that, yeah. >> no, he was twisted. he once sent his housekeeper to the butcher for pigmys. >> jimmy: he told her to go get pygmies?

>> yes. yeah. and he -- yeah. and with me he teased me all the time. all, all the time. >> jimmy: in a fun way? >> in a fun way. but sadistically fun. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> yeah. i was always in the pool as a kid. and so, and we spent a lot of time in palm springs. so i would be in the pool, happy, and he had this game called save the baby. and he would go into this character of this really decrepit old man who thought i was drowning in the pool and jump in and swim me back to shore, dunking me under the whole time as we got to the shallow end, so -- >> jimmy: wow. >> yes. >> jimmy: what do you think your dad would think of this transformation? >> i don't know. i really don't know. i think -- i think that he -- he was so -- you know, he was always really cool in accepting me for who i was. so, i would hope that would be the case. it's, you know, he would be -- like in his late 70s now. so it would probably be generationally kind of a tough thing to get.

>> jimmy: in the pool he wouldn't even have to play a character now. >> exactly. >> jimmy: it would be literally. >> yeah. but i think as time went on he would get it. look it, i'm really proud of myself and i think he would be, i mean, i did a lot to get to the place that i am and i'm a good man and i think -- >> jimmy: you put a lot of thought into this. >> yeah. >> jimmy: this was not something that you did quickly. >> no. >> jimmy: as far as the penis goes -- how do you get one of those? can you? >> it's pretty complicated. >> jimmy: it is? >> yeah, it is. it is. >> jimmy: is that something that you want? because i have one and i recommend it highly. >> highly. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm very happy with mine. >> good. it is something that i want. and i'm just kind of waiting and doing a little research and waiting to see what kind of advances are coming down the pike. >> jimmy: i see. it would have to be something kind of scientific then.

>> it's pretty scientific. yeah. >> jimmy: it's not as simple as a cosmetic thing -- >> it's not a -- no. it's not, no. >> jimmy: okay. mine either. >> right. you know -- there's a lot of plumbing involved down there. >> jimmy: definitely. a lot of plumbing. >> yeah. >> jimmy: but there are no transplants or anything like that -- >> no. >> jimmy: okay, because they do a heart, i mean, why not -- >> why not? who wants to be a donor? do you want to be a donor? >> jimmy: yeah, but not like you would want osama bin laden's penis, but they threw him overboard and wasted him. >> my god. >> jimmy: you could have had that. right? >> that was bad. >> jimmy: besides the obvious physical stuff that you experienced, do you feel like you have, like, male impulses now? like, do you find the three stooges funny now? or maybe you always did? >> you know, i mean, certain things have changed a little bit. like, i'm really more gadget oriented now. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah.

but i still, my girlfriend still, you know, yelling at me to change the lightbulbs. >> jimmy: oh, really? now that's your responsibility? >> yeah, so -- >> jimmy: now you have to take out the garbage and get the oil changed and all that stuff? >> i know nothing about cars. i'm horrible there. >> jimmy: well, you know, it's no fun being a guy in that respect, is it? you have to do the really dirty stuff. >> exactly. >> jimmy: well, it's great to meet you. here's the book. the documentary is fascinating the book is called "transition: it's the story of how i became a man." chaz bono, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we'll be right back with music from rammstein. ♪ [ male announcer ] nature valley sweet & salty nut bars... they're made from whole roasted nuts and dipped in creamy peanut butter...

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>> jimmy: this is their latest album. it's called "liebe ist für alle da." here with the song "du hast" rammstein. ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ du du hast du hast mich ♪ du du hast du hast mich ♪ du du hast du hast mich ♪ du du hast du hast mich ♪

♪ du du hast du hast mich du hast mich ♪ ♪ du hast mich gefragt du hast mich gefragt du hast mich gefragt ♪ ♪ und ich hab nichts gesagt ♪ willst du bis der tod euch scheidet treu ihr sein für alle tage ♪ ♪ nein nein ♪ willst du bis zum tod der scheide sie lieben auch in schlechten tagen ♪ ♪ nein nien ♪ ♪

♪ du du hast du hast mich ♪ du du hast du hast mich ♪ du du hast du hast mich ♪ ♪ du hast mich gefragt du hast mich gefragt du hast mich