tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC June 3, 2011 12:00am-1:05am PDT
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berman. and thank you for watching abc news. we'll always online at abcnews.com. please check in with "gma" and we'll be back here tomorrow night. until then, good night, america. tonight on "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> jimmy: when a politician whose name is wiener potentially tweet as picture of his weiner it's almost too much for us to handle. >> jason sudeikis. piers morgan. >> jimmy: you love the show. >> i do. >> jimmy: you will never leave this show? >> well, not voluntarily. >> and music from lykke li. >> jimmy: you 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>> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with a word about "the sims 3 generations," the game that lets you build the ultimate bachelor pad, tell stories about all the people you dated, become a master prankster or turn your invisible friend into a real person. available now for the pc/mac, "the sims 3 generations" expansion pack is this summer's must-have game for the prankster in your house because, for the first time, "sims 3 generations" lets your sims pull pranks. like this one security guard guillermo pulled in real life today on security guard adelina. now, adelina is not supposed to eat anything off the snack table while she's working. but she loves cake. so, we put guillermo under the
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table with a cake on his head. >> did you have the first piece? >> no. >> oh. it's good. yeah. >> jimmy: and there she goes. checking to make sure no one's around. >> hola adelina. you want cake? >> yeah. >> jimmy: and she's still going for the cake. >> it's good huh? >> jimmy: that's gross. there you go. >> "the similars 3 generations" is in stores now and available for $39.99. >> jimmy: "jimmy kimmel live" is back in two minutes with piers morgan, music from lykke li and jason sudeikis.
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you been up to? ♪ ♪ bleeeehhhhhh! i don't know what you're talking about. orbit. for a good clean feeling. no matter what. ♪ ♪ ♪ do...just two simple letters. but a million and one imperatives. do. is a challenge. the expectation of greatness. which is why we don't just make technology we make do machines. super powered creation engines that make things happen. lenovo. for those who do. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- jason sudeikis. piers morgan.
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and music from lykke li. with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" ♪ >> dicky: and now, what more can i say? here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's very nice. i appreciate that. welcome. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for being here. i see you -- i see you got my e-vite. that is nice. i was catching tv this morning. this is how i keep in shape. every morning i watch television. and the spilling bee was on espn. you know, where the kids go on stage and they spell? remember when people cared about spelling? o-m-g, right? actually, i love it.
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ism was a two-time school spelling champion in the seventh and eighth grade. i watch that stuff. i would imagine michael jordan watches the nba finals. with that sort of perspective. the winner of the spelling bee gets $30,000 in cash. $10,000 in scholarship money. a trophy and about 25 years or virginity, i think. the kids the kids are very smart. there are a lot of indian kids in the spelling bee. american kids of indian decent, which is impressive because a lot of these kids grew up in homes where english is a second p language. right uncle frank? >> yes definitely. >> jimmy: you would think they would have a disadvantage, but i think i figured it out. have you seen these kids names? there are -- nine ys 16 hs. rs combined with js. and that's when it hit me. if you go through life spelling a name like that you can spell anything. from the moment these children come out of the womb they are attacked by a swarm of random
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letters. like when a fish is born underwater, it automatically knows how to swim. that's why you will never see tim johnson or a paul lee, for instance, win this thing. by the way, the spelling bee wasn't the only competition on tv this week. this morning on espn 3, i think, they had their first annual counting bee. >> welcome back to the national counting bee. >> the number is seven. count to seven. >> uh -- can you use it in a sentence? >> i have seven jelly beans. >> what's the definition? >> it's number after six. >> language of origin? >> math. >> uh -- seven. 1, 2 4 -- crap! >> jimmy: counting bee. [ applause ]
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the winner got all the way up to 12. also tonight, for those who don't follow spelling, game two of the nba finals. by the way, here is how you can tell the difference between a basketball player and a tournament level speller. this is ian mahinmi. >> number 92 deshawn stevenson. the head coach of the mavs is -- >> jimmy: and this is dakota jones tonight during the pregame spilling bee introductions. >> let's introduce you to this young man. from the great state of nevada. >> my name is dakota jones, i'm 14 years old and i'm from las vegas, nevada. >> jimmy: he's the michael phelps of spelling. [ applause ] the dallas mavericks tonight trying to even things up with the miami heat. this game is huge for the mavericks because no team who
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lost the first two games of a final series and then lost two more games later in the series has ever gone on to win the nba title. mavericks forward dirk nowitzki hurt his hand in game one. he's now suffered from a condition called mallet finger. if you have mallet finger and hammer toe at the same time they say you can build a fence without a tool box. meanwhile, in other body part news, new york congressman anthony weiner has found himself in an uncomfortable position after a photo of what would be him in his underpants was posted for everyone to see via his twitter account. we had to blur this but you can definitely see his weiner. and a little bit of a this nitsle, too, i think. looks like he may have even had a boehner, there too. the tweet was directed at a 21-year-old college student who once tweeted that she had a crush on him. and needless to say, this is
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making every public appearance for him a lot of fun. >> from your twitter account, a lewd photograph was sent to a college student. >> sir. >> answer the question. was it from you or not? >> sir. permit me -- do you guys want me to finish my answer? >> yes this answer. >> okay. did you send it or not? >> if i were giving a speech to 45,000 people and someone in the back threw a pie or yelled out an insult, i would not spend the next two hours of my speech responding to that pie or that insult. >> jimmy: no, you would eat the pie. and then show your penis to it? i don't know. if, you know -- if i was him, i would blame this all on brett favre. why not? he claims this was posted as a prank and if this is a prank, i guess we're lucky they pulled it on anthony weiner and not colin powell. it's interesting that he won't -- he isn't denying the
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picture is him. he told wolf blitzer it doesn't look familiar. that's something you're familiar with. i'm so familiar with mine if i described it to a police sketch artist, it would be arrested within minutes. the best part of the story, of course, is that now, when we turn on the news, we get to hear this over and over again. >> weiner. weiner. weiner. wine er weiner. weiner. weiner. >> winner. >> jimmy: oh wait a minute. never mind. so, you know when a politician whose name is weiner potentially tweet as picture of his weiner for a late night talk show it's almost too much for us to handle. we actually had a small explosion in the writer's room today, so -- to help us through this overwhelming time we decided to outsource some of our work tonight. we have a company in india that helps write jokes for us. let's get them up.
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>> all right. the word is psoriasis. >> p-s-o-r-i-a-s-i-s. >> jimmy: hello, guys? guys? i don't mean to interrupt, but are you there? >> hello, groupon redemption center. $20 mani-/p/pedi is unavailable. >> jimmy: no, no it's jimmy kimmel calling. >> oh how may we be of assistance assistance? >> jimmy: i was wondering if you have any jokes about anthony weiner. >> yes, of course we do. let me get roger. he has a most excellent -- roger! >> jimmy: very good. we'll get roger in here. >> jimmy kimmel.
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>> i have a joke. >> go! >> why does democratic representative anthony weiner pleasure himself with one hand? >> jimmy: i don't know roger, why does he pleasure himself with one hand? >> because the other one is busy tweeting about it. >> jimmy: oh okay. >> that is funny because there is much root to it. >> jimmy: that is a good one. that is -- >> roger has done it again. >> jimmy: he certainly has. i'll use that. thank you very much guys. i tell you something -- 45 cents, very well spent. [ applause ] hey -- you guys remember that lady oprah who used to be on tv in the afternoon? i've been worried sick about her since she left us last week without any warning at all. she finally checked in with a
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facebook post yesterday. she wrote, now finally away on vaca. relaxing. trying not to eat too much. had two slices of the best pizza ever in life today. whif truffle. had to stop myself. could have eaten the whole thing. you know, in the catholic church, it's considered a miracle if oprah comes to you in white truffle pizza. seeing that really made me miss oprah oprah's voice so much. i had my team develop an app that turns any voice into an oprah voice. you speak into it -- pizza with white truffle. and now it gets oprah-fied. pizza with white truffle! it's good, right? you can do all sorts of things. stedman will come running if you play this. i tell you where to download it but it doesn't actually exist.
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piers morgan knows oprah. she did -- piers morgan is here tonight. he has a program on cnn. earlier this week his guests were paris hilton and her mother kathy and during the course of the interview, he brought up paris' sex tape and in doing so provided us with our unintentional joke of the day. >> i could type in paris hilton sex tame onpe on google and up it comes. >> jimmy: that used to happen to larry king too. natural. if you are a high school senior or the parent of one you know it's graduation season. this weekend, families of students around the country will astend graduation ceremony sies. it's a special time in a young person's life. because, you know, unless you become a judge or the pope, it might be the only time you get to wear a full length gown in public. so, of course graduation means
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moving onto new things and successful endeavors. we thought, who better to share their memories of high school graduation than the successful men and women who dress up in costume outside our theater here on hollywood boulevard. >> i had to go to high school for five years and graduate on time. after graduation i got a job at the pet shop. and they had pets there, you know ferrets and stuff. so, i figured i would take a ferret home and play with it just for one night. and he got loose. he went out the doggie door. i tried to catch him. when i was running outside, there was this big bird swooped down and he picked up the ferret and then he i guess he took him to his nest. and that was it and i went back to the pet shop and, you know hey, they're like where is that ferret at? and i just told them i said hey, this ferret, he was eat p by a giant bird last night.
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and that was my the end of my pet shop working. that was it. so, that sucked. >> jimmy: you know what, i think he's probably better off. wookies and ferrets are a bad combination. one more thing. it's thursday night, it's time for our weekly tribute to the fcc where we bleep and blur things whether they need it or not. it's "this week in unnecessary censorship." >> sent a picture of his [ bleep ] to a female college student in california. >> last month, an energy committee found that there is no evidence that the technique of [ bleep ] was unsafe. >> shaquille o'neal announced his retirement wednesday in a twitter message. we take a look at the big man with a big [ bleep ]. >> do i need to force this kiss do i need to ram my [ bleep ] down her throat? i think ashley will be open to it. >> barack obama has [ bleep ] america. >> and the miami heat got bleep
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[ bleep ] up last night. >> he's not addicted to [ bleep ], he just salivates. >> you want those horns detachable? they'll slide on and off the head so you can get it in and out of your [ bleep ] easier. >> unusual assignment for police this memorial day, [ bleep ] sheep. >> shaq is leaving the game. i still remember him putting that big [ bleep ] in my [ bleep ] when i was a rookie. >> one player even tried to bite another player's [ bleep ] off. >> what are you going to do for us this evening? >> we are going to [ bleep ] each other. >> jimmy: well. we have a good show for you tonight. from cnn and “america's got talent,” piers morgan is here, we have music from lykke li and we'll be right back with jason sudeikis so stick around.
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t, from "america's got talent" and "piers morgan tonight," piers morgan is here tonight. he's from england which means by law he has to serve as a judge on a reality competition show for at least three years before being allowed to go on to do other things. and then all the way from sweden with music from this album, "wounded rhymes," lykke li from the bud light outdoor stage. next week, we'll be joined by kathy griffin, paris hilton, j.j. abrams, i'll take on the new national spelling bee champion, and beat him or her and take his or her trophy away from her, him. and we'll have music from sarah bareilles and friendly fires. and be sure to watch us in
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primetime on sunday for our "game night" special. airing directly before or after game three of the nba finals at 7:00 on the east coast and after the game in the west. you know our first guest tonight from "saturday night live," but this weekend, he's moonlighting as host of the mtv movie awards. and then on july 8th, his new movie "horrible bosses" opens, thereby making him a potential nominee for next year's mtv movie awards. this is a guy who has it all figured out. please say hello to jason sudeikis. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you look very handsome. very snazzy tonight. >> free suit. >> jimmy: last time you were here you were wearing basketball warmups. >> yeah. kansas university basketball warmups. i like to switch it up so you can't use any of your yolks you thought up for that. you have to go fresh. >> jimmy: i assumed you'd wear
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that everywhere you go. last time you were here we were both supposed to be part of this nba all-star weekend. >> we were supposed to be. >> jimmy: a game that took place on espn. and i was supposed to be the coach of one of the teams, not the team you were on and you were supposed to play on the team you were on. >> yeah. >> jimmy: neither one of those things really wound up happening, though. >> no. kind of got screwed. >> jimmy: i got there and magic johnson was the coach and i thought, well what am i going to do fire magic johnson? am i supposed to take over? well, listen, magic, step aside here. so, i just sat there. >> and i was on a team with mitch richmond and chris mullen. i didn't get to play at all. >> jimmy: they let all the nba players -- >> at some point -- do you know what happened? i feel like -- >> jimmy: we were on the other side of the court. >> but i just mean in general. it seems like bill what walton, a legendary celtic and then magic johnson, l.a. lakers like they got real competitive and
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some point during the celebrity, you know all-star game it was four nba legends and common, you know? on my team and then on your squad it was, like everybody, you played a lot -- >> jimmy: and a kardashian. and justin bieber was on our team. he turned out to be the mvp. i think they thought we'd get trampled by teenage girls. he was good though. >> it was sporadic but competent. >> jimmy: yeah. kind of like his career in a way, if you think about it. >> i don't know how sporadic just this is. >> jimmy: did you talk to justin? >> trash talk? a little bit. >> jimmy: did you? >> just a little bit. yeah. i didn't even know it was hip. i thought it was a make a wish situation. >> jimmy: is that right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: wow. [ applause ] you were trash talking a make a wish kid? >> yeah, you know.
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easy target. >> jimmy: who was your favorite player growing up? >> favorite player growing up was michael jordan. >> jimmy: heard of him. >> the baseball player. >> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah, i think at one point i literally, proudly had every poster that was made of him on my wall in my bedroom. >> jimmy: you did? >> i think so, yeah. >> jimmy: really? >> and then -- yeah it was fantastic. >> jimmy: have you met him? >> i got to meet him once i was on vacation with my family and we were in hilton head south carolina, and we got to stay like, on this golf course my mom's a travel agent so we got really great deals. and she came home from the condo, said, hey, jason, there's a golf tournament here. whatever. celebrity golf tournament. whatever. michael jordan is going to be here. and then it was literally like picking out an outfit. okay, i'm going to meet michael jordan this weekend. like -- i had, like a michael
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jordan t-shirt. i traveled with jordan stuff like a -- >> jimmy: really? >> i was 13 and this is before i realized that you could touch boobs, not just look at them in magazines. >> jimmy: yeah, right. you can? >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: they don't honk or anything? >> no. i used to travel and with his rookie card that i had, just like in my backpack at the time. >> jimmy: really? >> that nerdy. but that thing was worth $4,000 i didn't know it. i was rolling around with it. but there was a two-day tournament. the first day, i got into a golf cart. this was before he had won a championship. it was very accessible. no different than you and i, a man of the people. >> jimmy: justin bieber. >> exactly. so, we then the next day, we took the photo, my mom blew it up to 8 by 10 and i presented it to him me sitting next to him and asked him to sign it.
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but throughout that whole process i had him sign whatever piece of loose leaf paper i had in my backpack. imagine going at the mall like meeting santa, getting back in line, coming back through, signing is something else coming back through, like i just kept doing it over and over. >> jimmy: it would be weird to get santa to sign anything for you. >> maybe a blank check. >> jimmy: i ran into you new york last month and your mom was with you. >> are we allowed to say where we ran into each other? >> jimmy: yeah, we were at a gay bar. >> is that all right? >> jimmy: at the musical, "book of mormon." it was great. >> yeah. >> jimmy: your mom is a travel agent, as you mentioned, so she's talking about these different trips that you guys take. and there was a parade and your uncle george was a grand marshal. i thought that was weird. she must be a great travel agent
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if they are actually honoring her relatives as grand marshal of parades in other countries. >> did you figure it out? >> jimmy: yeah, your uncle is george wendt from "cheers." why can't you be george wendt, uncle frank? >> you are doing a bang-up job -- >> jimmy: he has no idea what we're talking about. might as well be under water right now. >> the badge is to keep him awake. oh, something shiny! >> jimmy: we're going to take a break, and we're going to talk about your hosting gig and the movie that's coming up. jason sudeikis is here. "the 2011 mtv movie awards" are this sunday at 9:00 and jason's movie "horrible bosses" opens july 8th. more with jason sudeikis when we come back.
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♪ no regrets ♪ ahh. ♪ ♪ what's going on over there? ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: well, hello there, we're back with jason sudeikis. piers morgan and lykke li are still to come. big job this weekend, hosting the mtv movie awards. >> yeah. how did that happen? >> jimmy: are you nervous? you've been on television live a lot. >> yeah, i'm not actually too nervous about it. just sort of anxious and want it to be over. not because i'm not enjoying it but just like it will be fun to have people, you know, just lie to you and tell you you did a
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good job. >> jimmy: everyone will tell you you did great and you go home and read to see if you were -- >> get on that damn internet and find out otherwise. >> jimmy: are you hosting a big party after? >> i think they are doing something at the gibson amphitheater over there. >> jimmy: you know what the cool move is? >> talk to me. >> jimmy: if you are hosting an afterparty, don't go to it. >> oh, yeah. that is the pimp move. >> jimmy: that's like what diddy would do. >> clooney throws a party a night, never there. >> jimmy: and then you have this movie. it looks very funny. >> yeah, "horrible bosses." >> jimmy: great cast. jason bateman is in the film. i'm telling you as if you don't know. >> please remind me. >> jimmy: jennifer aniston. >> rachel green. that's who she played on "friends." >> jimmy: i didn't want to be
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rude. >> you have an iphone -- >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> and you can put their title. under jennifer aniston's phone number -- >> jimmy: you have your phone number in your thing? >> no. >> jimmy: and colin ferrell is in the movie. this is a picture of colin in the movie. that's great. you get to be the handsome one. >> so brave for him not to use his hairpiece in this film. >> jimmy: does he play your boss? >> yeah. my boss. >> jimmy: tell us about it. we have a clip here that needs explaining. >> we're three fellas charlie day and jason batemman and i are three guys who hate our bosses and we conspire to kill our own bosses. and the clip we have to show you is, we realize we don't think we can do it and so we charlie day's character hires a hitman
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and we're meeting him for the first time in a very seedy motel. >> jimmy: here we go. the movie is called "horrible bosses." it opens july 8th. >> looks like james bond. >> he really does dude. >> i bet he carries one of those guns you screw together. >> what if that is an undercover cop. or what if he charges so much money, we can't afford us -- >> wait, that's a thing? >> could that happen? >> got to let him in now. >> how is my hair? >> what do you mean? >> doesn't matter. >> jimmy: jason sudeikis. mtv movie awards on sunday night at 9:00 and "horrible bosses" opens july 8th. we'll be right back with piers morgan.
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y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y
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y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y
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>> jimmy: well, hi, everyone. still to come lykke li. when our next guest isn't busy interviewing president musharraf about u.s.-pakistani relations, he's zeroed in, with laser intensity, on impressionists, contortionists and professional belly-dancers. that show, which is not on cnn, is called "america's got talent." you can see it tuesday and wednesday nighs on nbc. please welcome piers morgan. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you get right out here. i like that. >> very nice audience, i have to
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say. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we haven't gone around individually yet. >> they look nice. always a good start, i think. >> jimmy: how are you? how is everything? >> i'm a little busy. to put it mildly. one minute i'm judging piano playing pigs the next minute i'm interview prime minister netanyahu. >> jimmy: are you tired of the "america's got talent?" you are doing serious stuff over there at cnn. >> i watched the premiere the other night, did anyone see it, the premiere? [ applause ] and i have honestly not laughed that hard in about four years. it was one of the funniest two hours of television. >> jimmy: you are laughing at yourself? >> at myself yeah. mainly my own stupidity. i think it's one of those shows where -- every time i think, i'm bored of this i actually watch it back and i realize why it's so successful.
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it's kind of a snapshot of america, good and bad. the same thing in britain with "britain's got talent." it's crazy, it's funny. sometimes you have these inspiring moments. moments that give you goose bumps. a susan boyle moment or jackie the little girl that came on last year. when i feel weary with it i think, it's a fabulous show. >> jimmy: you love the show. >> i do. >> jimmy: you will never leave the show. >> well not voluntarily. simon cowell is the producer so -- >> jimmy: i just imagine you sitting there going, oh, boy, this was great for awhile. but now i have stuff to do at cnn. >> i like doing both. >> jimmy: it's like if mario batali took a job one night a week cooking at chuck e. cheese. >> a little bit like that. >> jimmy: you are on against yourself on cnn -- >> twice a week now i will compete with myself. >> jimmy: which should people
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watch in that case? >> i was on twitter the other night, live tweeting -- >> jimmy: you tweet a lot. >> i do. i'm obsessive. and people were saying, okay it's nearly 9:00 what are we going to watch? cnn or "america's got talent?" i haven't got a clue. watch what you want to watch. i'm on both so -- >> jimmy: people are looking to you for guidance and you are ignoring that. and you are instead just telling people to do what they want. >> i wish i could say the show was a clear point of difference but it was paris hilton. >> jimmy: she's not a serious politician? >> not yet. i wouldn't put anything past her. by the way your clip was embarrassing but funny. >> jimmy: yeah. i didn't know i said that. >> jimmy: we have the mentality of a 6-year-old here. >> it was a little awkward watching that back. >> jimmy: when did you come to the united states? >> i used to be the show business correspondent for "the
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sun." >> jimmy: i thought you meant the actual sun. >> no. and they sent me out here to do interviews with people. and the idea was nobody really liked "the sun" and my job was to pretend to be a friend of the stars. this meant photographic evidence. so, the second time i came out here, to interview sylvester stallone, someone said to me get up to the beverly hilton hotel because frank sinatra is his his 75th birthday party and every star isn hollywood is going. i told my photographer this is the big one for us. i'm going to be friendly with hollywood in one hit. i stood outside and i just greeted every guest as they arrived. and just posed for pictures like this. the next day, "sun" had 30 pictures of me with famous people in hollywood. they're like, who is that with our guy? the only one that was tricky was charles bronson who i think smelled a rat and didn't want to know at all.
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this great sequence of pictures of me elbowing out his girlfriend, boom, to try to get my arm around him. >> jimmy: that's a good way to get shot. >> it was. it was kind of -- it was what i had to do for a few years. >> jimmy: it's a weird way to kind of go about it. >> pretend to be friendly with famous people. >> jimmy: i know you went on the road, or tour, with new kids on the block. >> i did. >> jimmy: would you pretend to be -- what year was this? >> well, they were huge in britain, never mind america. and i was dispatched as the music guy. knew nothing about music. it happened to be part of my brief. to go around america chugging after new kids on the block. and i began to really annoy them. i mean really annoy them. i kept running embarrassing stories about them and not entirely favorable reviews. this all crashed to a head in london when donnie actually wore a t-shirt that said piers morgan sucks.
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which i thought was one of my finest crowning glory. >> jimmy: you might have been delighted. so, you actually -- >> my mother said to me what does that mean? sucks doesn't really exist in britain. i said, it means he really likes me. >> jimmy: there's no sucks over in brit tape? >> not in that sense. >> jimmy: you have to get that going over there. >> i mean, the word exists. not in that context. >> jimmy: you've been married for -- >> why have you segued into my marriage? >> jimmy: i don't know, maybe the suck thing too me there. >> i have, yeah. >> jimmy: your wife is in england. >> yeah, she's here at the moment. she's normally in england. she feels it helps the marriage if we're 6,000 miles apart from each other. the only weird thing is i have this device called a sling box which enables me to watch television as if i'm back in my home in london. >> jimmy: you with watch your own tivo. >> i can on my lap top, i
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discovered that what i could do is if she's watching "desperate housewives" or something i can from l.a. actually turn over and put the football on. >> jimmy: really? >> and if i hold the play button down on my lap top she can't turn it back. and i was just glad the first time i discovered this i wasn't trying to go to the playboy channel, you know? if you can imagine, 2:00 in the morning. what the hell is going on here? so it was a funny discovery. >> jimmy: will she move here? if this continues to go well -- >> she's not that keep really. >> jimmy: she's not. she prefers the water between us. no she probably will. >> jimmy: that's okay for a little while -- >> she probably will. >> jimmy: probably? >> the moment we buy a home here is the moment simon cowell fires me. >> jimmy: i see. >> so, i'm lucky -- i have cnn now as a -- you can't get rid of me. >> jimmy: it's good. i'm sure larry king is delighted you think of his job as a backup
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job. >> larry king said of my show it's like your mother-in-law driving your favorite bentley off a cliff. somebody said to me, what do you think of that? and i said if anyone knows about mother-in-laws, it's larry king. >> jimmy: piers morgan everybody. you can watch him twice on cnn, every weeknight at 9:00 and "america's got talent" airs tuesdays and wednesdays at 8:00 and 9:00 on nbc. we'll be right back with music from lykke li. hmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhm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i don't take none just say a prayer that it gon' get done ♪ ♪ don't pull your pants before i go now don't turn away this is my time ♪ ♪ like a shotgun needs an outcome i'm your prostitute you gon' get some ♪ ♪ like a shotgun needs an outcome i'm your prostitute you gon' get some ♪ ♪ go ahead, go way low where i can do no harm go ahead, go way low in my honey lovin' arms ♪ ♪ go ahead, go way low where i can do no wrong i got you round my finger like a lonely lovers charm ♪ ♪ like a lonely lovers charm aye, aye, oh
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aye, aye, oh aye, aye, oh oh oh ♪ ♪ and cause i can i'm gon' go west ♪ ♪ just like a man i'm the fortress like the shotgun i can't be outdone ♪ ♪ i'm your prostitute you gon' get some like the shotgun needs an outcome ♪ ♪ i'm your prostitute you gon' get some go ahead, go way low where i can do no harm ♪ ♪ go ahead, go way low in my honey lovin' arms go ahead, go way low where i can do no wrong ♪ ♪ i got you round my finger like a lonely lovers charm like a lonely lovers charm ♪
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♪ go ahead, go go ahead, go go ahead, go go ahead, go ♪ ♪ go ahead, go go ahead, go go ahead, go go ahead, go way low ♪ ♪ where i can do no harm go ahead, go way low in my honey lovin' arms go ahead, go way low ♪ ♪ where i can do no wrong i got you round my finger like a lonely lovers charm go ahead, go way low ♪ ♪ where i can do no harm go ahead, go way low in my honey lovin' arms go ahead, go way low ♪ ♪ where i can do no wrong i got you round my finger like a lonely lovers charm like a lonely lovers charm ♪ ♪ like a lonely lovers charm ♪ ♪ like a lonely
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lovers charm ♪ >> jimmy: i want to thank jason sudeikis, piers morgan. apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time for him. “wounded rhymes” is out now. playing us off the air with "sadness is a blessing," you can see the full performance at jimmykimmellive.com. once again lickykke li. good night! ♪ ♪ my wounded rhymes make silent cries tonight my wounded rhymes make silent cries tonight ♪ ♪ and i keep it
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