sleeping. and we are always online at abcnews.com. have a great weekend, and we'll see you back here monday. >> dicky: up next on "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> jimmy: when a politician whose name is weiner potentially tweets a picture of his wiener, for a late-night talk show it's too much for us to handle. >> dicky: jason sudeikis. piers morgan. >> jimmy: you love the show. >> i really do. >> jimmy: you will never leave this show. >> well, not voluntarily. >> dicky: and music from l ♪ [ male announcer ] spare toothbrush, just in case: $4. ♪ home cooked meal: $28. ♪ first date finest: $33. ♪ having time on your side: priceless.

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>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- jason sudeikis. piers morgan. and music from lykke li. with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" >> dicky: and now, what more can i say? here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's very nice. i appreciate that. welcome.

i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for being here. i see you -- i see you got my e-vite. that is nice. i was watching tv this morning. this is how i keep in shape. every morning i watch television. and the spelling bee was on espn. you know, where the kids go on stage and they spell? remember when people cared about spelling? o-m-g, rotfl right? actually, i love it. i was a two-time school spelling champion in the seventh and eighth grade. so i watch that stuff. like, i would imagine michael jordan watches the nba finals. with that sort of perspective. the winner of the spelling bee gets $30,000 in cash. $10,000 in scholarship money. a trophy and about 25 years of virginity, i think. the kids, the kids are very smart. there are a lot of indian kids in the spelling bee. american kids of indian decent, which is impressive because a lot of these kids grew up in homes where english is a second language. right uncle frank? >> yes, definitely. >> jimmy: thank you. and -- [ laughter ]

you would think they'd have a disadvantage when it comes to spelling words in english. but i think i figured it out. have you seen these kids' names? there are -- nine ys, 16 hs. rs combined with js. and that's when it hit me. if you go through life spelling a name like that, you can spell anything. from the moment these children come out of the womb, they are attacked by a swarm of random vowels and consonants. it's like when a fish is born underwater, it automatically knows how to swim. so, that's why you'll never see tim johnson or a paul lee, for instance, win this thing. by the way, the spelling bee wasn't the only academic competition on tv this week. this morning on espn 3, i think, they had their first annual counting bee. >> welcome back to the national counting bee. >> the number is seven. count to seven. >> uh -- can you use it in a sentence?

>> i have seven jelly beans. >> what's the definition? >> it's number after six. >> language of origin? >> math. >> uh -- seven. 1, 2, 4 -- crap! >> jimmy: counting bee. [ cheers and applause ] the winner got all the way up to 12. also tonight, for those who don't follow spelling, game two of the nba finals. by the way, here is how you can tell the difference between a basketball player and a tournament level speller. this is ian mahinmi. tonight during the nba pregame introductions. >> at guard, from washington union high school, number 92, deshawn stevenson. the head coach of the mavericks is -- >> jimmy: and this is dakota jones tonight during the pregame spelling bee introductions. >> let's go ahead and introduce you to this phenomenal young man, coming back to the bee for the second straight year, from the great state of nevada.

>> my name is dakota jones, i'm 14 years old and i'm from las vegas, nevada. >> jimmy: he's the michael phelps of spelling. [ applause ] the dallas mavericks tonight trying to even things up with the miami heat. this game is huge for the mavericks, because, statistically, no team who lost the first two games of a final series and then lost two more games later on in the series has ever gone on to win the nba title. [ laughter ] mavericks forward dirk nowitzki hurt his hand in game one. he's now suffering from a condition called mallet finger. which is a medical term for a finger that looks like a mallet, i guess. if you have mallet finger and hammer toe at the same time, they say you can build a fence without a tool box. [ laughter ] meanwhile, in other body part news, new york congressman anthony weiner has found himself in an uncomfortable position after a photo of what could be him in his underpants was posted

for everyone to see via his twitter account. we had to blur this, but you can definitely see his wiener and a little bit of a schnitzel too, i think. looks like he may have even had a boehner there, too. the tweet was directed at a 21-year-old college student who once tweeted that she had a crush on him. and needless to say, this is making every public appearance for him a lot of fun. >> from your twitter account, a lewd photograph was sent to a college student. >> sir. >> answer the question. was it from you or not? >> sir. permit me -- do you guys want me to finish my answer? >> yes, this answer. >> okay. did you send it or not? >> if i were giving a speech to 45,000 people and someone in the back threw a pie or yelled out an insult, i would not spend the next two hours of my speech responding to that pie or that insult. >> jimmy: no, you would eat the pie. [ laughter ] and then show your penis to it? i don't know.

[ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] if, you know -- if i was anthony weiner, i'd blame this all on brett favre. you know, why not? he claims this was posted as a prank and if this is a prank, i guess we're lucky they pulled it on anthony weiner and not colin powell. but it's interesting that he won't -- he didn't flat-out deny the picture is him. he told wolf blitzer it doesn't look familiar. which -- that's something you're familiar with. i'm so familiar with mine, if i described it to a police sketch artist, it would be arrested within minutes. the best part of the story, of course, is that now, when we turn on the news, we get to hear this over and over again. >> anthony weiner. weiner. weiner. weiner. weiner. weiner. weiner. weiner. weiner. weiner. weiner. weiner. weiner. >> jimmy: oh, wait a minute. that -- [ cheers and applause ] never mind.

so, you know, when a politician whose name is weiner potentially tweets a picture of his weiner, for a late night talk show, it's almost too much for us to handle. we actually had a small explosion in the writer's room today, so -- to help us through this overwhelming time, we decided to outsource some of our work tonight. we have a company in india that helps write jokes for us. let's get them up on the web chat, if we can. >> all right. the word is psoriasis. >> p-s-o-r-i-a-s-i-s. >> jimmy: that's right. hey, guys? hello, guys? i don't mean to interrupt the spelling bee. but are you there? >> hello, groupon redemption center. $20 mani/pedi is unavailable. can i interest you in a bikini wax? >> jimmy: no, no, that's a great deal, but it's jimmy kimmel calling.

>> a thousand plagues on my eyes for not recognizing you. >> jimmy: it's okay. >> how may we be of assistance? >> jimmy: i was wondering if you have any jokes about anthony weiner. >> oh, yes, the wiener guy. of course we do. let me get roger. roger! he has a most excellent -- roger! >> jimmy: okay, very good. we'll get roger in here. >> jimmy kimmel. >> i have a joke. >> go! >> why does democratic representative anthony weiner pleasure himself with one hand? >> jimmy: i don't know, roger, why does he pleasure himself with one hand? >> because the other one is busy tweeting about it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, okay. >> that is funny because there is much truth to it. >> jimmy: yeah, that's right. yeah that is a good one. that is good. >> roger has done it again. >> jimmy: he certainly has. i'll use that. thank you very much, guys.

i tell you something -- 45 cents, very well spent. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] hey -- you guys remember that lady oprah who used to be on tv in the afternoon? i've been worried sick about her since she left us last week without any warning at all, by the way. she finally checked in with a facebook post yesterday. she wrote, now finally away on vaca. relaxing. trying not to eat too much. but had two slices of the best pizza ever in life today. white truffle. had to stop myself. could have eaten the whole thin sliced, homemade thing. you know, in the catholic church, it's considered a miracle if oprah comes to you in white truffle pizza. seeing the words white truffle written out in all caps really made me miss oprah's voice. so much so that i had my r&d team develop an app that turns any voice into an oprah voice. check it out. it's very simple. you speak into it -- pizza with white truffle.

and now it gets oprah-fied. >> pizza with white truffle! >> jimmy: it's good, right? you can do all sorts of things. [ cheers and applause ] stedman will come running if you play this. i'd tell you where to download it, but it doesn't actually exist. piers morgan knows oprah. she did his first show. piers morgan is here tonight. he has a program on cnn. [ cheers and applause ] earlier this week, his guests were paris hilton and her mother kathy and during the course of the interview, he brought up paris' infamous sex tape and in doing so, provided us with our unintentional joke of the day. >> i could type in paris hilton sex tape on google and up it comes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that used to happen to larry king sometimes, too. it's natural. if you are a high school senior or the parent of one you know it's graduation season.

this weekend, families of students around the country will attend graduation ceremonies. hear inspiring speeches given by 17-year-old kids that have no idea what they're talking about. it's a special time in a young person's life. because, you know, unless you become a judge or the pope, it might be the only time you get to wear a full length gown in public. so, of course, graduation means moving on to new things and successful endeavors. we thought, who better to share their memories of high school graduation than the successful men and women who dress up in costume outside our theater here on hollywood boulevard. >> i had to go to high school for five years and i didn't graduate on time. after graduation, i got a job at the pet shop. and they had pets there, you know, ferrets and stuff. so, i figured i would take a ferret home and play with it just for one night. and he got loose. he went out the doggie door. i tried to catch him. right when i was running

outside, there was this big bird swooped down and he picked up the ferret and then he, i guess, he took him to his nest. and that was it and i went back to the pet shop and, you know, they were like, hey, where's that ferret at? and i just told them, i said, hey, this ferret, he was eaten by a giant bird last night. and that was my, the end of my pet shop working. that was it. so, that sucked. [ applause ] >> jimmy: you know what, i think he's probably better off. wookies and ferrets are a bad combination. one more thing. it's thursday night, it's time for our weekly tribute to the fcc, where we bleep and blur things whether they need it or not. it's "this week in unnecessary censorship." >> controversy over whether congressman anthony weiner sent a picture of his [ bleep ] to a female college student in california. >> last month, an energy committee found that there is no evidence that the technique of [ bleep ] was unsafe.

>> shaquille o'neal announced his retirement wednesday in a twitter message. cbs news correspondent bill whitaker takes a look at a legendary big man with a big [ bleep ]. >> do i need to force this kiss, do i need to ram my [ bleep ] down her throat? i think ashley will be open to it. >> barack obama has [ bleep ] america. >> and the miami heat got [ bleep ] up last night. >> faib gabe is not addicted to [ bleep ]. he just salivates -- sorry. just a second. >> you want those horns detachable? they'll slide on and off the head so you can get it in and out of your [ bleep ] easier. >> unusual assignment for police in chula vista this memorial day, [ bleep ] sheep. >> shaq is leaving the game. i still remember him putting that big [ bleep ] in my [ bleep ] when i was a rookie. >> game one of the stanley cup finals was a battle. one player even tried to bite another player's [ bleep ] off. >> what are you going to do for us this evening? >> we are going to [ bleep ] each other.

>> jimmy: well. we have a good show for you tonight. from cnn and "america's got talent," piers morgan is here, we have music from lykke ly. and we'll be right back with jason sudeikis, so stick around. [ woman ] thursday! finally! dinner with the girls tonight. i really want dessert.

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>> jimmy: hi there, welcome back to the show. on the program tonight, from "america's got talent" and "piers morgan tonight," piers morgan is here tonight. he's from england which means by law he has to serve as a judge on a reality competition show for at least three years before being allowed to go on to do other things. and then all the way from sweden with music from this album, "wounded rhymes," lykke li from the bud light outdoor stage. next week, we'll be joined by kathy griffin, paris hilton,

j.j. abrams, i'll take on the new national spelling bee champion, and beat him or her and take his or her trophy away from her, him. and we'll have music from sarah bareilles and friendly fires. and be sure to watch us in primetime on sunday for our "game night" special. airing directly before or after game three of the nba finals at 7:00 on the east coast and after the game in the west. so there you go. good times. [ cheers and applause ] you know our first guest tonight from "saturday night live," but this weekend, he's moonlighting as host of the mtv movie awards. and then on july 8th, his new movie "horrible bosses" opens, thereby making him a potential nominee for next year's mtv movie awards. this is a guy who has it all figured out. please say hello to jason sudeikis. [ cheers and applause ] >> how are you? >> jimmy: you look very handsome. very snazzy tonight. >> thank you. free suit. >> jimmy: last time you were here you were wearing basketball

warmups. >> i was wearing kansas university basketball warmups. i like to switch it up so you can't use any of your jokes you thought up for that. you have to go fresh. >> jimmy: i assumed you'd wear every time i saw you. >> or everywhere i go. >> jimmy: last time you were here, we were both supposed to be part of this nba all-star weekend. >> we were supposed to be. >> jimmy: a game that took place on espn. >> right. >> jimmy: and i was supposed to be the coach of one of the teams, not the team you were on. and you were supposed to play on the team you were on. >> yeah. >> jimmy: neither one of those things really wound up happening, though. >> no. kind of got screwed. didn't we? >> jimmy: i got there and magic johnson was the coach and i thought, well, what am i going to do, fire magic johnson? am i supposed to take over? >> exactly. >> jimmy: well, listen, magic, step aside, i'm in charge here. so, i just sat there. >> and i was on a team with scottie pippen and mitch richmond and chris mullen. i didn't get to play at all. >> jimmy: they let all the nba players -- >> like, five minutes. at some point -- do you know exactly what happened? >> jimmy: no. we were on the other side of the

court. >> but i just mean in general. it seems like bill walton, who is a legendary celtic and then magic johnson, l.a. lakers, like they got real competitive and some point during the celebrity, you know, all-star game it was four nba legends and common, you know? on my team and then on your squad it was, like, everybody, you played a lot -- >> jimmy: and a kardashian. >> and a kardashian. and bieber. >> jimmy: justin bieber was on our team. >> the mvp. >> jimmy: he turned out to be the mvp. i think they thought we'd get trampled by 14-year-old girls if we didn't name him the mvp. he was good, though. justin bieber. >> he was, his game was sporadic but confident. >> jimmy: yeah. kind of like his career, in a way, if you think about it. >> a little bit, right? i don't know how sporadic just this is, but like he -- >> jimmy: did you talk to justin bieber? >> trash talk? a little bit. >> jimmy: did you? >> just a little bit. yeah. i didn't even know it was him for the first couple of

quarters. i thought it was a make a wish situation. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: is that right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: wow. [ applause ] you were trash talking a make a wish kid? >> yeah, you know. easy target. >> jimmy: who was your favorite player growing up? >> favorite player growing up was definitely michael jordan. michael "air" jordan. >> jimmy: heard of him. >> the baseball player. >> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah, i think at one point i literally, proudly had every poster that was made of him on my wall in my bedroom. >> jimmy: you did? >> i think so, yeah. >> jimmy: really? >> and then -- yeah, it was fantastic. >> jimmy: have you met him? >> i did. i got to meet him once -- i was on vacation with my family and we were in hilton head, south carolina, and we got to stay -- like, on this golf course, my mom's a travel agent, so we always got these really great deals as kids. and she came home from the condo thing we were staying, came back to say jason's in a golf tournament here. i was like, whatever.

she goes, celebrity golf tournament. i was like, all right, whatever. michael jordan is going to be here. and then it was literally like picking out an outfit. it was like, okay, i'm going to meet michael jordan this weekend. like -- i had, like, a michael jordan t-shirt. i mean, i traveled with jordan paraphernalia like a -- >> jimmy: really? >> i was 13 and this is before i realized that you could touch boobs, not just look at them in magazines. >> jimmy: yeah, right. you can? >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: they don't honk or anything? >> no. >> jimmy: wow, that's weird. >> but i used to travel around with, like, his rookie card that i had, just, like, in my backpack at the time. >> jimmy: really? >> that nerdy. it was awful. but that thing was worth $4,000, i didn't know it. i was rolling around with it. but there was a two-day tournament. so, the first day, i got into a golf cart. this was when you could actually talk to him. before he had won a championship. he was very accessible. no different than you and i, a man of the people. >> jimmy: justin bieber.

>> like bieber, exactly. so, we, then, the next day, we took the photo, my mom blew it up to 8 by 10 and i presented it to him the very next day. me sitting next to him. and asked him to sign it. but throughout that whole process i had him sign whatever piece of loose leaf paper i had in my backpack. i would like, get in line -- imagine going at the mall, like, meeting santa, getting back in line, coming back through, signing something else, coming back through, like, i just kept doing it over and over. >> jimmy: it would be weird to get santa to sign anything for you. >> well, sure, yeah. yeah, exactly. maybe a blank check. >> jimmy: i ran into you new york last month and your mom was with you. >> yes. >> jimmy: and your mom -- we ran into each other? >> jimmy: i guess so, yeah. we were at a gay bar. >> yeah. is that all right? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: no, we were at "the book of mormon." the musical. >> we were at the musical. >> jimmy: which was great. >> yeah, absolutely. >> jimmy: i thought, anyway, i did too. >> jimmy: so, you're mom is there. your mom is a travel agent, as you mentioned, so, she's talking about these different trips that

you guys take. there was a parade and your uncle george was the grand marshal. i thought that was weird. that his uncle would be the grand marshal of a parade. >> of oktoberfest, nonetheless. >> jimmy: i thought, she must be a great travel agent, if they are actually honoring their relatives of grand marshals of parades in other countries -- >> did you google it? did you figure it out? >> jimmy: yeah, your uncle is george wendt, from "cheers." oh, that makes perfect sense now. >> yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i wish you were george wendt. >> no, you're fine. >> jimmy: why can't you be george wendt? >> you're doing a bang-up job. >> jimmy: he has no idea what we're talking about. >> no idea. >> jimmy: might as well be underwater right now. >> the badge is to keep him awake. oh, something shiny! >> jimmy: we're going to take a very quick break, and we're going to talk about your big hosting gig and the movie that's coming out, too. jason sudeikis is here. [ cheers and applause ] mtv movie awards, sunday at 9:00 and "horrible bosses" opens july 8th. more with jason sudeikis when we come back.

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with fusion proglide. i'm a believer. he is a believer! yeah! [ male announcer ] gillette fusion proglide. his family knows what to expect. hun, mike's coming -- let's get crackin'. [ male announcer ] but what mike rowe doesn't know is that his parents have armed themselves with unquilted viva® towels. place looks great. [ male announcer ] mike doesn't know that every concentrated viva roll is made of strong, fiber packed sheets, making it one tough towel. but his mom sure does. wow, for me? you shouldn't have. i insist. [ male announcer ] hey, if viva can handle mike rowe's mess, just think what it can do in your home. grab a roll for yourself and grasp the unquilted difference. i was obviously gay. and i did get harassed. what i'd love you to take away from it... is that however bad it is now... it gets better. and it can get great. okay little ones, here's the first thing you need to know. you are perfect and wonderful exactly as you are.

you're not alone. there are a ton of us out here in this world. who will love you without even knowing you. it gets better ! ( crowd cheering ) there's art to be made. there's songs to be sung. so hold on. look at me, 80 years old. it gets better with age. it gets better. it gets better. it gets better. so much better. you'll be fine, partner. your life can be amazing. but you have to tough this period of it out and you have to live.

im >> jimmy: well, hello there, we're back with jason sudeikis. piers morgan and lykke li are still to come. big job this weekend, hosting the mtv movie awards. >> yeah. how did that happen? >> jimmy: are you nervous? you've been on television live a lot. >> yeah, i'm not actually too nervous about it. just sort of anxious and want it to be over. not because i'm not enjoying it but just like, it will be fun to have people, you know, just lie to you and tell you you did a good job. >> jimmy: yeah, sure, yeah. everyone will tell you you did great and you go home and read

to see if you actually were any good. >> get on that damn internet and find out otherwise. >> jimmy: are you having a big after party after the show, are you hosting a big thing or anything like that? >> i think they are doing something at the gibson amphitheater over there. universal studios. >> jimmy: you know what the cool move is? >> no, talk to me. >> jimmy: if you are hosting an afterparty, don't go to it. >> oh, yeah. that is the pimp move. >> jimmy: that is the move. that's what, like, diddy would do. >> clooney throws a party a night, never there. >> jimmy: he's never been to a party in his entire life. as a result of that. >> no, people come to him. >> jimmy: and then you have this movie which looks very funny. >> thank you. >> jimmy: i've seen xhers for the party. >> yeah, "horrible bosses." >> jimmy: great cast. jason bateman is in the film. i'm telling you as if you don't know. >> please remind me. >> jimmy: jennifer aniston. >> rachel green. who else is in it? >> rachel green. that's who she played on "friends." >> jimmy: oh, okay, yeah. i just pretended. i didn't want to be rude to who rachel green is. >> as a joke, you have an iphone? >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> and you can put their title.

under jennifer aniston's phone number i literally, have she played rachel on friends. >> jimmy: you have her phone number in your thing? >> no. i didn't know where it was going to go. >> jimmy: and colin ferrell is in the movie. this is a picture of colin in the movie. that's great. you get to be the handsome one. with colin ferrell in the movie. >> yeah. so brave for him not to use his hairpiece in this film. >> jimmy: does he play your boss? whose boss is he? >> yeah. my boss. >> jimmy: tell us a little bit about it. we have a clip here that needs explaining. >> we're three fellas, charlie day and jason bateman and i are three guys who hate our bosses and we conspire to kill our own bosses. and the clip we have to show you is, we realize we don't think we can do it and so we, charlie day's character hires a hitman and we're meeting him for the first time in a very seedy motel. >> jimmy: here we go. the movie is called "horrible bosses." it opens july 8th.

>> looks like james bond. >> he really does, dude. >> i bet he carries one of those guns you screw together. those are the coolest. >> should be great. >> so dangerous. what if that is an undercover cop? >> oh, come on. >> or what if's the real thing, he charges so much money, we can't afford it and he kills us? >> hold on. >> wait, that's a thing? >> could that happen? >> got to let him in now. >> how is my hair? >> what do you mean? >> doesn't matter. >> jimmy: jason sudeikis. and the 2011 mtv movie awards this sunday night at 9:00 on mtv of all places. "horrible bosses" opens july 8th. we'll be right back with piers morgan. ♪ sponge ] okay, te. time to tackle these greasy dishes. we're facing some toug opposition today. i'm gonna need my biggest player. a change in the lineup? that little squirt? [ cheers and applause ] [ female announcer ] one bottle of ultra dawn

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trust most for comfort. >> jimmy: well, hi, everyone.

still to come, lykke li. when our next guest isn't busy interviewing president musharraf about u.s./pakistani relations, he's zeroed in, with laser indensity, on contortionists and professional belly dancers. that show, which is not on cnn, is called "america's got talent." you can see it tuesday and wednesday nights on nbc. please welcome piers morgan. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you get right out here. i like that. >> very nice audience, i have to say. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we haven't gone around individually yet. >> they look nice. they're aesthetically pleasing. always a good start, i think. >> jimmy: how are you? how is everything? >> i'm a little busy. >> jimmy: very busy. >> to put it mildly. one minute i'm judging piano playing pigs, the next minute, i'm interviewing prime minister netanyahu.

it's a bit of a weird, surreal world. >> jimmy: i would think so. are you tired of the "america's got talent"? you are doing serious stuff over there at cnn. >> honestly, i sat and watched the premiere the other night -- did anyone see it, the premiere? [ cheers and applause ] and i have honestly not laughed that hard in about four years. it was one of the funniest two hours of television. >> jimmy: you're sitting at home laughing at yourself? >> at myself, yeah. mainly my own stupidity. i think it's one of those shows where -- every time i think, i'm a little bit bored of this, i actually watch it back. and i realize why it's so successful. it's kind of a snapshot of america in all its guises. good and bad. the same thing in britain with "britain's got talent." it's crazy, it's funny. sometimes you have these inspiring moments. moments that give you goose bumps. a susan boyle moment or jackie, the little girl that came on last year. sang like an angel. every time i feel a little world weary with it, something happens where you say, actually, at its purest, it's a fabulous show.

>> jimmy: you love the show. >> i really do love it. >> jimmy: you will never leave the show. >> well, not voluntarily. [ laughter ] simon cowell is the producer, so -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i just imagine you sitting there going, oh, boy, this was great for awhile. but now i have stuff to do at cnn. >> i like doing both. >> jimmy: it's like if mario batali took a job one night a week cooking at chuck e. cheese. isn't it? >> a little bit like that. >> jimmy: you are on wednesday nights on against yourself. >> twice a week now i will compete with myself. >> jimmy: which should people watch in that case? >> i was on twitter the other night, live tweeting -- >> jimmy: you tweet a lot. >> i do. i'm obsessive. and people were saying, okay, it's nearly 9:00, what are we going to watch? cnn or "america's got talent"? i haven't got a clue. i said, well, watch whatever you want to watch, i mean, i'm on both, so -- >> jimmy: people are looking to you for guidance and you are ignoring that. and you are instead just telling people to do whatever they want to do. >> i wish i could say the show

that was on cnn was obviously serious politicians, a clear point of difference. but it was paris hilton. >> jimmy: oh, i see. >> kind of similar territory. >> jimmy: she's not a serious politician? >> not yet. i wouldn't put anything past her. >> jimmy: that would be something, wouldn't it? >> your clip was embarrassing but funny. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i didn't know i said that. >> jimmy: well, we have the mentality of a 6-year-old here. as a group. >> it was a little awkward watching that back. >> jimmy: when did you first come to the united states? >> i used to be the show business correspondent for "the sun." the legendary, notorious british tabloid. >> jimmy: i thought you meant the actual sun. >> no. not the sun itself. and they sent me out here to do interviews with people. and the idea was nobody really liked "the sun" in hollywood. and my job was to pretend to be a friend to the stars. this meant photographic evidence. however i could get it. so, the second time i came out here, to interview sylvester stallone, someone said to me, hey, you should get up to the beverly hilton hotel, because frank sinatra is having his 75th birthday party and every star in hollywood is going.

i thought, right. i went and got this tuxedo, got my photographer, said we're going to pull off the big one, this is it for us. this is the, i'm going to be friendly with the whole of hollywood in one hit moment. so we went down there. i stood outside in my tuxedo and i greeted every guest as they arrived and just posed for pictures like this. the next day, "sun" had 30 pictures of me with famous people in hollywood. they're like, who is that with our guy piers? the only one that was tricky was charles bronson who i think smelled a rat and didn't want to know at all. this great sequence of pictures of me elbowing out his girlfriend, boom, to try to get my arm around him. my mate charlie, as i'm falling off the edge. >> jimmy: that's a good way to get shots. >> it was a very good way to get shots. it was kind of -- it was what i had to do for a few years. >> jimmy: it's a weird way to kind of go about it. >> pretend to be friendly with famous people. >> jimmy: and then you write -- i know you went on the road, or tour, with new kids on the block. >> i did. >> jimmy: would you pretend to be -- [ cheers and applause ]

what year was this? >> well, they were huge in britain, never mind america. and i was dispatched as the music guy. knew nothing about music. it happened to be part of my brief. to go around america chugging after new kids on the block. and i began to really annoy them. i mean, really annoy them. >> jimmy: in what way? >> because i kept running embarrassing stories about them, and not entirely favorable reviews. this all crashed to a head in london at wembley arena when donnie wahlberg marched out on stage and actually wore a t-shirt that says, piers morgan sucks. which i thought was one of my finest, crowning glory. >> jimmy: you might have been delighted. >> it was fantastic. >> jimmy: so, you would just -- >> my mother said to me, what does that mean? sucks doesn't really exist in britain. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> i said, it means he really likes me. >> jimmy: there's no sucks over in britain? >> not in that sense. >> jimmy: you have to get that going over there. >> i mean, the word exists. not in that context.

>> jimmy: you've been married for almost a year? >> why have you segued into my marriage? >> jimmy: well -- >> i know why you did. >> jimmy: i don't know, maybe the sucks thing. >> i have, yeah. >> jimmy: your wife is in england. >> yeah, she's here at the moment. she's normally in england. she feels it helps the marriage if we're 6,000 miles apart from each other. >> jimmy: i agree. >> and the only weird thing is that i have this device called a sling box which enables me to watch television as if i'm back in my home in london. >> jimmy: you with watch your own tivo. >> on my laptop, i can use a virtual remote, and i discovered that what i can do is if she's watching "desperate housewives" or something, i can from l.a. actually turn over and put the football on. >> jimmy: really? >> and if i hold the play button down on my laptop, she can't turn it back. and i was just glad the first time i discovered this i wasn't trying to go to the playboy channel, you know? >> jimmy: yeah, right. >> if you can imagine, 2:00 in the morning. what the hell is going on here? so it was a funny discovery.

>> jimmy: will she move over here eventually? if this continues to go well -- >> she's not that keen, really. >> jimmy: she's not. >> she prefers the water between us. no, she probably will. >> jimmy: that's okay for a little while -- >> she probably will. >> jimmy: probably? >> the moment we buy a home here is the moment simon cowell fires me. >> jimmy: i see. >> so, i'm lucky -- i have cnn now as a -- you can't get rid of me. you don't own me on that. >> jimmy: it's good. i'm sure larry king is delighted you think of his job as a backup job. >> well, larry king was asked the other day of what he thought of my show, and he said, you know what, it's like watching your mother-in-law driving your favorite bentley off a cliff. so, somebody said to me, they said, what do you think of that? i said, well, if anyone knows about mother-in-laws, it's larry king. >> jimmy: piers morgan, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] you can watch him twice on cnn, every weeknight at 9:00 and "america's got talent" airs tuesdays and wednesdays at 8:00 and 9:00 on nbc. we'll be right back with music from lykke li. iviviviviviviviviv

>> jimmy: this is her new album, >> jimmy: this is her new album, it's called "wounded rhymes." here with the song "get some," lykke li.

♪ ♪ don't pull your pants before i go now don't turn away this is my time ♪ ♪ don't make demands i don't take none just say a prayer that it gon' get done ♪ ♪ don't pull your pants before i go now don't turn away this is my time ♪ ♪ like a shotgun needs an outcome i'm your prostitute you gon' get some ♪ ♪ like a shotgun needs an

outcome i'm your prostitute you gon' get some ♪ ♪ go ahead, go way low where i can do no harm go ahead, go way low in my honey lovin' arms ♪ ♪ go ahead, go way low where i can do no wrong i got you round my finger like a lonely lovers charm ♪ ♪ like a lonely lovers charm aye, aye, oh aye, aye, oh aye, aye, oh oh oh ♪ ♪ and cause i can i'm gon' go west ♪ ♪ just like a man i'm the fortress like the shotgun i can't be outdone ♪ ♪ i'm your prostitute you gon'

get some like the shotgun needs an outcome ♪ ♪ i'm your prostitute you gon' get some go ahead, go way low where i can do no harm ♪ ♪ go ahead, go way low in my honey lovin' arms go ahead, go way low where i can do no wrong ♪ ♪ i got you round my finger like a lonely lovers charm like a lonely lovers charm ♪ ♪ go ahead, go go ahead, go go ahead, go go ahead, go ♪ ♪ go ahead, go go ahead, go go ahead, go go ahead, go way low ♪ ♪ where i can do no harm go ahead, go way low in my honey lovin' arms go ahead, go way low ♪

♪ where i can do no wrong i got you round my finger like a lonely lovers charm go ahead, go way low ♪ ♪ where i can do no harm go ahead, go way low in my honey lovin' arms go ahead, go way low ♪ ♪ where i can do no wrong i got you round my finger like a lonely lovers charm like a lonely lovers charm ♪ ♪ like a lonely lovers charm >> jimmy: i want to thank jason sudeikis, piers morgan. apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time for him. "wounded rhymes" is out now. playing us off the air with "sadness is a blessing," you can see the full performance at jimmykimmellive.com. once again, lykke li. good night! ♪

♪ my wounded rhymes make silent cries tonight my wounded rhymes make silent cries tonight ♪ ♪ and i keep it like a burning i'm longing from a distance ♪ ♪ i ranted, i pleaded i beg him not to go for sorrow, the only lover i've ever known ♪