tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC July 5, 2011 12:00am-1:05am PDT
12:00 am
up next on "jimmy kimmel live." >> al qaeda announced they found a replacement for osama bin laden. thanks to all of you that texed your votes. >> and cedric the entertainer. >> you're in a big movie. >> i play lamar. >> i would like to put it in my body. >> i could get it in there. >> sunday will be
12:01 am
when a carpet is clean and fresh, it's irresistible. experience this in your home with resolve deep clean powder. its moist powder penetrates deep, removing three times more dirt than vacuuming alone while also neutralizing odors at their source. it's a clean you can see, smell, and really enjoy. resolve deep clean powder. don't just vacuum clean, resolve clean.
12:02 am
>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- cedric the entertainer. inventor and futurist ray kurzweil. and music from breathe carolina. with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" >> dicky: and now, in all honesty, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everyone. thank you, cleto. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show.
12:03 am
thank you for watching. thank you for coming out to see us. i'm here to entertain you and i hope i succeed. i really do. you know this isn't the screening for "mr. popper's penguins," right? father's day is s sunday. i tell you what, this father's day has got to be the number one day for selling barbecue aprons in the whole year, right? father's day is the day on which we take some time to say to dad, hey, thanks for having sex with mom. [ laughtht ] sunday will be a good day for arnold schwarzenegger, this year, he gets an extra gift. [ laughter ] if you haven't purchased a gift for your father, we're going to help you out tonight. we've scoured craigslist to hopefully find the perfect last minute fathers day gifts. we'll present them to you if a few minutes. one of the items for sale is a rake, so -- [ laughter ] if your dad is a fan of the boston bruins hockey team, he got the best present ever last night. bruins beat the canucks to win their first stanley cup in 39
12:04 am
years. the highest rated stanley cup game. ever for nbc. more than 1,000 people tuned in to watch. you know -- [ applause ] hockey is a great sport. it doesn't get the attention that some of the other sports do. but one hockey tradition i love, they allow players from the winning team to each spend a night alone with the stanley cup. which is kind of cool. they do a similar thing in the nba, only instead of the cup, it's a kardashian, but -- [ laughter ] special tradition. the bruins beat the canucks 4-0, and the city of vancouver did not take the loss in their town well. they had riots. and, in vancouver, see, this is what happens when extreme couponing goes unchecked. almost 100 people were arrested. nearly 150 people were hospitalized. look at this. port-a-potties were being viciously attacked. so were the -- i have to say --
12:05 am
the things we do to port-a-potties are disgraceful. and someone set a car on fire, which is always a good idea. >> somebody left it here, probably went down and caught the game and right now it's on fire. look at that. look at that. that's an idiot. >> jimmy: that's what happens when you have free national health care. you can take risks like this. and this is probably my favorite. now, you see, the polili started using flash grenades. that guy -- got one right in the flash grenade. there you go again. bingo. give anthony weiner's wife any ideas. it was pandemonium last night in one of the safest, nicest cities in the world. roll this tape. just, look at what went on here. this is -- after a 4-0 shutout. understand if you -- [ laughter ] punches were being thrown.
12:06 am
hoofs were being pressed. you see here, moose were going crazy. dogs were humping. and photographs were taken. you know -- it looked like a palin family reunion, you know? [ laughter ] i have to say, i don't know where this came from all of a sudden. but i like angry canada, you know? makes me feel less bad about our behavioror canadians in general are very nice, very polite, reasonable. but this new side they showed last night, it was like watchin katie couric get drunk and beat matt lauer's ass. it was fun. they seem to be playing it up over there. >> canada. where the people aren't nice anymore. ♪ canada. [ bleep ] off.
12:07 am
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: from the tourism board. it's almost like they don't want us to visit. whicmakes me want to visit. no major problems in dallas, as the mavericks held their victory parade today. more than 200,000 fans gathered in 100 degree heat to welcome their heros home. they were serenaded by their gentle german giant and mvp, dirk nowitzki. ♪ we are the champions ♪ we are the champions ♪ no time for losers ♪ because we are the champions ♪ of the world >> jimmy: what a beautiful singing voice he has. like when young frankensteinin sang "putting on the ritz." suddenly shaq's rapping doesn't sound so bad. the big news today, the resignation of congressman weiner in new york. weiner resigned from congress this afternoon, weeks after accidentally posting a close-up
12:08 am
photo of his underpants online. you know what? new york's 9th district's loss is bally's total fitness's locker room's game. i guess the pressure was too much for him. you know, it's funny. president clinton had sex and lied about it, he kept his job. anthony weiner didn't have sex and lied about it and he lost his job. i guess the lesson here is, if you're going to lie, you might as well have sex. >> about 20 years ago, i stood in this very same room here at the council center and asked my neighbors for their help to take a chance on me. and elected me to city council. >> jimmy: why would he have that shot up on the screen? he's an exhibitionist. that's all i can figure. i think resigning was a selfish move. his constituents the people who voted him into office, need him. and more importantly, my monologue needs him. [ laughter ] i'm actually thinking of hiring him here at the show as a cameraman, put him on our set. get shots like this.
12:09 am
my eyes are up here. [ laughter ] weiner said pretty much what you would expect him to say at the press conference. he said now is the time for reflection, which, i think he's probably spent enough time looking into the mirror. he said he wants to become a better person. can a man really change in a couple of weeks? it didn't seem like it to me. >> with god's help and with hard work we will all be successful. thank you and good afternoon. >> well, there you have it. he spoke for almost exactly four minutes, answering those questions. >> jimmy: now that, to me, is a warning gn. [ applause ] oh, thank you. if you have -- if you have kids, there's a good chance they've been hearing the word "wiener" a lot lately. and how do you explain a sex scandal before you even explain sex? it's a difficult position for a parent to be in. so, we put together a song that will hopefully go a long way in explaining these types of situations. >> hey, dad.
12:10 am
what's a sex scandal? and what does it have to do with our political system? >> everything, son. it's called the pursuit of happiness. and it's guaranteed by our founding fathers. >> it is? >> sure it is. just see, way back in revolution time. ♪ a man named thomas jefferson ♪ wrote the declaration that made us free ♪ ♪ it took a slave of concubine ♪ he [ bleep ] so much ♪ he knocked her up six times ♪ and never did admit paternity ♪ ♪ he loved that pursuit of happiness ♪ ♪ pursuit of happiness ♪ love, life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness ♪ >> he really believed in the pursuit of happy ps, i guess.
12:11 am
>> hsure, he wasn't the only on. >> he wasn't? ♪ heck no ♪ glover cleveland had kid ♪ warren g. harding did ♪ and several women serviced fdr ♪ ♪ lincoln and buchanan were probably gay ♪ ♪ don't get me started on jfk ♪ and clinton [ bleep ] an intern with a cigar ♪ ♪ they all love the pursuit of happiness ♪ ♪ pursuit of happiness ♪ love ♪ life ♪ liberty ♪ and the pursuit of happiness >> dad, when i grow up, i want to be president. >> well, then, don't tweet your junk to a coed. now go clean your room! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, that's -- i think you get the idea. the ending could use a little work. al qaeda today announced they
12:12 am
found a replacement for osama bin laden. thanks to all of you who called in and texted your votes. j.lo and steven tyler will take osama bin laden's place as head of al qaeda. no, the man who will step in as the new leader of al qaeda is this guy. [ laughter ] terrorist portrait studio. first name is in ayman, as in, hey, man, you want to spend the rest of your life hiding and watching crappy tv until you are killed in your underpants by a team of navy s.e.a.l.s? his last name is al zawahiri. i don't know this is like, when they replaced becky on "roseanne." nobody buys it. of course, al zawahiri gets all the perks of being the chief. own cave. use of the corporate donkey for personal travel. gets to sit on the executive dining rock, so, no more squatting on the ground to eat his goat meat. they say the new al qaeda leader, this guy is argumentative, a micromanager
12:13 am
and hard to get along with. i don't know, sounds like a real jerk. why would they pick him? [ laughter ] and one more thing. it's thursday night. time for our weekly tribute to the fcc where we bleep and blur things whether they need it or not. it is "this week in unnecessary censorship." [ cheers and applause ] >> why this generated a lot of attention. but i got a lot of other [ bleep ] to do. >> about 20 years ago, i stood in this same room here at the council center and asked my neighbors for their help to take a [ bleep ] on me. >> a deep sea diver from here in southern california says he wants to [ bleep ] the body of osama bin laden. >> i think we're a veteran team. we [ bleep ] from behind all season long. >> the most penalized series in 25 years. but yet, they'll be hand [ bleep ] at the end of the night. >> how the [ bleep ] do you celebrate [ bleep ] day? >> they keep [ bleep ] in the caboose. >> [ bleep ] you! >> scenes in the air where
12:14 am
spider-man is [ bleep ] his evil nemesis and they bang each other, the [ bleep ] lines get all tangled up and they bang into the scenery -- >> now they're going to have expanded [ bleep ] sequences. that's great. >> they'll do more rather than less. >> gee. it's even hard to eat a snack when there's no gravity. >> yeah. we can't do anything except [ bleep ]. [ applause ] >> jimmy: oh, snuffy. oh, snuffy. hey, on the show tonight, cedric the entertainer is here. ray kurzweil is here to tell us about the future. we have music from breathe carolina. and when we come back, we're going to help you find a father's day gift on craigslist, so stick around. [ male announcer ] at cheez-it, we expect a lot from our cheese. hello. hello.
12:15 am
how are you? how are you? are you mocking me? are you mocking me? [ both ] well it sounded like you were... now that you're repeating... everything...that i say. ok. ok. [ both ] we made some progress yesterday. [ pen clicks ] click. check. [ pen clicks ] click. [ male announcer ] we take the time for our cheese to mature before we bake it into every delicious cracker because at cheez-it, real cheese matters. comes centrum. because at cheez-it, real cheese matters. with vitamins and minerals balanced to support your energy... ♪ ...immune function... ♪ ...healthy skin... and help protect your cells from environmental stress. everyday benefits from advanced formulas. the complete benefits of centrum. and if you're over 50, discover the age-adjusted benefits of centrum silver.
12:16 am
♪ ♪ [ female announcer ] with the goodness of fresh-picked tea leaves, water, and sunshine. new 100% natural lipton iced tea. you are what you tea. lipton: drink positive. have you ever won anything before? no. [ radio dj ] alright, well here's your question. what is the deepest lake in the us? oh, boy, way to give me the hardest. geography was never my... crater lake. [ radio dj ] you have just won an oversized chess set! i have an oversized chess set. sorry. [ radio dj ] then how about an inflatable bouncy castle? bouncy castle. yeah, i have that too. [ radio dj ] i can give you an entire day with '70s rocker edgar winter!? you know what? just give me another bouncy castle. [ male announcer ] only at&t lets your iphone talk and surf at the same time. it's the network of possibilities. this flat-out delicious --
12:17 am
the new $3 flatbread breakfast combo. [ moos ] a toasty 6-inch flatbread breakfasassandwich and a 16-ounce cup of freshly brewed seattle's best coffee. all for just $3. [ clucks ] build a breakfast of epic proportions, like the crispalicious bacon, egg, & cheese with everything from juicy tomatoes to zesty jalapenos, for a delicious way to start your day. the new subway $3 flatbread breakfast combo. build your better breakfast today.
12:19 am
[ madifferentcer ]y $3 wfrom other deodorants?eo. only dove men+care combines 48 hour protection with our caring 1/4 moisturizer technology in a non-irritant formula. new dove men+care deodorant. tough on sweat not on skin. of the south windsor thunder. a team with pride... guts... and last season... zero wins. [ groans ] [ male announcer ] but it's a new day and with unlimited from sprint, you can help them turn it around for no extra cost. so show your support on facebook, text their coach words of encouragement. and together, we can make a team of underdogs america's team. unlimited from sprint. ♪ gonna have a good time tonight ♪ come in for a great time at olive garden. enjoy our new carbonara ravioli with chicken for just $10.95. pancetta and parmesan-filled ravioli
12:20 am
served with pan-seared chicken in creamy parmesan sauce. ♪ family affair or with sauteed shrimp for $12.95. both with unlimited breadsticks and salad or homemade soup. a great meal sure to end with a smile. olive garden. when you're here, you're family. mmm. oh gosh. oh dear. big deal. you're delicious. so what. i've got news for you. there's no such thing... ...as a bear sheriff.
12:21 am
you think i'm afraid of you? hey what? you don't have to be mean to the ke. i do. you don't. i do. just eat yoplait light. they have great flavors like... boston cream pie, raspberry cheesecake. even though i work here, i've lost weight. wow. yeah. carry on. (announcer) 28 delicious flavors at around 100 calories each. ♪ >> jimmy: hi, there, welcome back.
12:22 am
tonight on the show, a man who, starting july 1st, you can see opposite tom hanks and julul roberts in the movie "larry crowne," cedric the entertainer is here. and then, this guy is fascinating, he's a scientist, an inventor, and an author who will enlighten and, probably frighten us with his theory about computers and humans becoming one. he believes it will happen soon. it's the subject of this documentary "transcendent man," ray kurzweil is with us. one of the things that ray says is that not too long from w, we'll be able to create anything we want, any object we want using inexpensive materials. so, if you want a plane, you can program that into a machine and have a plane. that sounds dangerous, doesn't it? you can even posbly have your own oprah. i don't know. we'll find out. and finally the latest band identified by our friends as the most buzzed about online. this is their new album, "hell is what you make it."
12:23 am
breathe carolina from the bud light stage. breathe carolina. and you can see them live all summer headlining the "scream it like you mean it" tour. next week, we'll be joined by owen wilson, adam levine, eva mendes, jim florentine, molly shannon, rosario dawson, larry david, and we'll have music from pitbull, matt nathanson, jill scott and panic at the disco. so join us for that all next week. father's day is on sunday and if you haven't found a gift for your dad yet, we're here to help. we have a team of researchers spending every waking moment coming through craigslist to try to fininthe best father's day gifts. and tonight, we invited some of the sellers on the show to sell their treasures. it's time for craigslist father's day gift ideas. and -- let's meet our first seller, whose name is mike, from pasadena. mike, come on out. hi, mike. how are you? mike, you have an item available for -- stop doing that, mike. stop it. >> sorry, my -- >> jimmy: don't do it again.
12:24 am
it's a gameboy, an old game boy. you're selling it for $10. >> yes, sir. >> jimmy: it's missing the battery cover. >> no, not missing, just -- somewhere. >> jimmy: okay, all right. it's somewhere. but you don't have it. >> i don't have it. >> jimmy: and you think this is a good father's day gift? >> it's cheap, it's fun. it doesn't come with the battery, though. >> jimmy: so, this is something you think would be a great item for dad? >> obviously. i'd be happy if my son gave me one. >> jimmy: is the price negotiable? >> oh, come on. >> jimmy: it is not. how many games come with that? >> just the one. >> jimmy: this sounds like a great gift for a dad who maybe abandoned you when you were young. what is going on with the beard you have there? how long have you had that? can i buy that from you? >> i'll sell it to you later. >> jimmy: how much would you sell that beard for? >> $5 million. >> jimmy: how about $100? would you sell it to me for $100?
12:25 am
>> i have to talk to my wife. >> jimmy: you don't have a wife, do you? all right, go ahead. thank you very much, mike. if you want to buy mike's item, search for gameboy color in the los angeles area. who is next? who is next? oh, hello there. we have eileen. how are you? nice to meet you. >> nice to meet you. >> jimmy: thank you for coming. now, you have a -- umbrella for sale. not just any umbrella. this is broken. [ laughter ] >> yes -- it's an -- i think it's an antique. i don't know anything about it. it's got the crazy carved handle. >> jimmy: looks like a duck. >> i think it's a duck or a goose. >> jimmy: okay. duck, duck, goose. >> yeah. >> jimmy: open that up, though it's bad luck and we'll see how it looks. >> i'll try. this would be an item -- well, that any dad would love. where did this come from? >> well, actually came from a free sale. >> jimmy: got it for free? >> yeah. and actually found it on craigslist it was -- >> jimmy: somebody gave it away for free on craigslist and now
12:26 am
you're selling it? >> yeah, yeah. i know -- well, i thought -- it might be worth something. >> jimmy: has anyone contacted you about buying this? >> yeah, a couple of people interested. >> jimmy: you have? but you weren't able to work out a price? >> well, actually, they thought $5 was r rsonable. one person said they would give me 20. i was like, okay. >> jimmy: they probably wanted sex. yeah. [ laughter ] >> yeah. maybe. >> jimmy: also to go with maybe the "jersey shore" phone there, the duck there. that would be -- use that in your ad. >> okay, thanks. >> jimmy: thank you, eileen. go to craigslist los angeles, search for carved handle umbrella, $5. all right. next seller is sal. hi, sal. how are you? now, sal, you were here once before. you sell a lot of stuff? >> i sell a lot of stuff. >> jimmy: what do you have here? >> this is a tv, a vintage tv. >> jimmy: a vintage tv. and you have hollowed it out? >> i emptied it out. took me six hours to do that.
12:27 am
>> jimmy: and you would -- you are suggesting that people use it as a pet bed? >> that's my suggestion. but you can use it for other stuff. >> jimmy: it's like your own personal animal plan element you would have here. >> you can put stuffed animal pets in here. >> jimmy: well, you already did do that. so, it doesn't come with the stuffed animal, that's not included? >> it's negotiable. >> jimmy: how much did you want for this? >> $10. >> jimmy: $10. all right. so, again, if you hate your dad and you are interested in the empty tv set, search on craigslist for empty vintage tv, use as pet dog or cat bed. all right. we have one last seller named dennis. dennis, come on out here. dennis has -- wow. now, dennis -- what is this? >> everybody's been to jail knows what it is. >> jimmy: this is a jail toilet. >> that's right. >> jimmy: and how did you get it out of the jail? >> i didn't take it out of the jail.
12:28 am
i fixed it for a plumber that was putting them in jails. >> jimmy: and? he left it behind. >> he didn't pay me for one and took this one for the payment. >> jimmy: i see. has this been used? never used. >> jimmy: you should say a celebrity used it like charles manson or o.j. or something like that. has it been used? >> no. >> j jmy: i said -- >> maybe i could use it at the end of the day. >> jimmy: yeah. so, now, why would someone use -- buy this when they could just go to jail and use one for free? >> i think ty'd like to be home better and use it. >> jimmy: okay. have you had any takers on this so far? >> i've got a lot of callers. >> jimmy: how much are you asking for it? >> 800. >> jimmy: if your dad is an ex-con, this would be great memorabilia for him. something to remind him of his time in jail. thank you, dennis. if you want to buy this, go to craigslist, type in jailhouse toilet/sink combination. it will be a wonderful father's day. thank you. we'll be right back with cedric
12:29 am
the entertainer. ♪ [ female announcer ] the counter. in most homes, it gets all the action. bring it. getting it clean again is easy with bounty. in this lab demo, one sheet of bounty leaves this surface as clean as 2 sheets of the bargain brand. ♪ why use more when you can use less? ♪ super durable. super absorbent. super clean. bounty. the one-sheet clean picker-upper. [ all ] topped! [ male announcer ] applebee's knows what the neighborhood likes! so we created stacked, stuffed and topped entrees, starting at $9.99. stacked, stuffed and loaded with the flavor you love. only at applebee's. open 'til midnight or later.
12:30 am
now,listen to a magazine,aper, with the flavor you love. curl up with a movie, and see a phone call. now, we can take a classroom anywhere, hold an entire bookstore, and touch the stars. because e w...there's this. mine hurt more! mine stopped hurting faster! [ female announcer ] neosporin plus pain relief starts relieving pain faster. and kills more types of infectious bacteria.
12:31 am
neosporin plus pain relief. kills the germs. fights the pain. ♪ 'cause band-aid®'s stuck on me ♪ [ female announcer ] speed up healing for half the tears and twice the fun with band-aid® brand and disney/pixar's cars 2. ♪ i'm stuck on band-aid® brand ♪ ♪ 'cause band-aid® helps heal me ♪ vo:...and so is the bacon... cheddar ranch tendercrisp at burger king. ♪ i'm stuck on band-aid® brand ♪ crispy bacon, rich cheddar cheese and creamy ranch dressing. not even the end of the world will make you put it down. get it before it's gone. and see "transformers: dark of the moon" now in theaters.
12:32 am
a man can only try... and try...and try. i heard eating wle grain oats can help lower my cholesterol. it's gonna be tough...so tough. my wife and i want to lowe our cholesterol, but finding healthy food that tastes good is torturous. your father is suffering. [ male announc ] honey nut cheerios tastes great
12:33 am
and can help lower cholesterol. ♪ >> jimmy: hi, there, welcome back. still to come, ray kurzweil and breathe carolina. our first guest is an original king of comedy, and his last name is entertainer, so, you're in good hands. you can see him co-star alongside tom hanks, julia roberts in the new movie "larry crowne", which opens in theaters july 1st. please say hello to cedric the entertainer. [ cheers and applause ]
12:34 am
>> jimmy: what is this? this is a carburetor. >> yeah. got your very own cacauretor, man. >> jimmy: is this for me? >> i'm doing hats, man. >> jimmy: you put my initials on this. oh, look at that. >> this is a hat. player. >> jimmy: nice. [ cheers and applause ] do i look cool or dumb in this? >> put it to the side. you got to put a little bit of tilt on it. yeah. that's you. that's you, man. >> jimmy: we look like a buddy cop team. >> that's right. they're back. >> jimmy: that's very nice of you. appriate that. by the way, i got you something. i got you an umbrella. it's yours. >> okay. this is -- >> jimmy: you have your own line of hats. you must have an appetite for hats to start your own company. >> yeah, i love hats. i started weing hats a long time ago. >> jimmy: when? how old were you?
12:35 am
>> when i first started doing comedy. in my early 20s. i got the idea in high school the older guys rocked hats. ? in s s louis. like the lords of flatbush. only cooler. they didn't speak like sylvester stallone, you know -- >> jimmy: you remember your first hat? >> yeah. my first hat was, i call it it was -- it was like a green, you know, green dedey hat. and i dressed in all green. so, i was all green everything. >> jimmy: really? >> green socks, shoes. >> jimmy: like one of barney's friends. >> i was like camouflage. >> jimmy: that's great. i always feel like, black guys look way better than white guys in hats. >> that's good thinking. that is -- [ laughter ] no. >> jimmy: i don't know what it is. >> but you foe, when "mad men,"
12:36 am
those guys look cool in hats. >> jimmy: that time has passed now. >> but it's back around. >> jimmy: there's no -- i guess so. i don't know. >> kid rock. >> jimmy: yeah, but he's different. he's got long hair. i look like a nerd. i think i look good in this hat. but i know if i wore it for five seconds i'd be made fun of. [ applause ] i look like i should be writing a story for the, like, "daily planet" or something. >> yeah, you need an old typewriter right now. >> jimmy: how's the family? you having a big father's day thing? >> does anybody have a big father's day? father's day got lost in the side. the kids just get up and go, happy father's day, daddy. that's it. we go to costco and get free samples. >> jimmy: that's a great idea. >> there's a dixie cup of white wine. >> jimmy: there's not as much planning like mother's day. >> mother's day, there's brunch. you can get brunch at a gas station on mother's day.
12:37 am
father's day, nothing. a hot dog and a slushy. >> jimmy: how old are your kids now? >> 7-year-old daughter, 10-year-old son and then a 22-year-old daughter. >> jimmy: they're going to have to start coming through with gifts for you. >> exactly. that's what i told the boy. once he makes double digits, you got to show up, man. when i was 10 -- nothing really happened when i was 10, but you know, we get to say that. when i was 10. >> jimmy: you -- i heard you were dancing on stage and singing with prince. >> oh, yeah. you heard about that? >> jimmy: yeah how did that happen? >> i was at the concert, he does all the shows. but i had been over prince's house before. i met him, you know. and he has these crazy parties in the middle of the night. >> jimmy: i heard about this. what is his house like? >> it's a prince house, you know, all kinds of -- all kinds of, like, sparkles and glitter and stuff. fireworks going off inside, you know. it's like somebody making omelets. >> jimmy: really? >> exactly. he loves omelets.
12:38 am
that's his whole thing. and his voice is deeper than you -- like, have you met him? >> jimim: no. >> he sings like, ahh, but then when he talks, he's like, what's up, ced? yeah, prince, what's happening? >> jimmy: so, he asked you to join him -- what song did you sing? >> he was singing "raspberry beret." >> jimmy: well, perfect for you. >> well, it's great song. but i don't know the verses. everybody only know -- as soon as he called me up, it was in the middle of the verse. i had to do the -- na na na. and there's just thousands of people. i'm just waiting on n part. ♪ raspberry beret i did. my kids saw it on youtube, they were all excited because they had no idea i knew aladdin. i was like -- >> jimmy: they don't know what prince is. >> that is prince.
12:39 am
hey, we didn't foe know you knew aladdin. that's not aladdin. that's a real human being right there. >> jimmy: you're in a big movie coming up here. >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: who do you play? >> i play lamar -- >> jimmy: black guy? >> yeah, i stretched it, jim. i went for it. this is me getting out of the box, you know what i mean? but i did, i played a black guy in this one. and i'm lamar. i'm tom hanks' neighbor. and he's a guy who fell on his luck. even that, in a movie, a black guy as your neighbor, that's crazy. so -- [ laughter ] but tom is a guy who kind of fell on hard times and i have, like, a weekly -- daily yard sale -- >> jimmy: really? that's nice. >> in the neighborhood. every day, all the junk out in front of my house. i'm the big man on campus in the neighborhood, it's a cul-de-sac.
12:40 am
he has to listen to me and i give him some advice. >> jimmy: we have a clip here. this is a big deal. you depth don't beat this. take a look. the movie is called "larry crowne." >> got anything new? >> this is from the '50s. you don't have any of these. i promise. >> he can't afford them. he lost his job. they let him go. >> oh, larry. >> yeah. >> i'm so sorry. >> better than a job? education. get you some knowledge and you'll be fireproof. >> that's right, larry. never too old to learn. just listen to my husband. he hasn't called a man boss in years. >> yeah, i remember why. >> uncle sam took his half. it's going to be 50 cents for the book. >> they give these away for free. >> they do. i don't. >> jimmy: cedric the entertainer. "larry crowne" opens july 1st. we'll be right back with ray kurzweil. [ female announcer ] degree asked women to use these jingle bells
12:41 am
during one entire day so they realize how much they move. [ bells jingling ] that's why degree created the new motionsense technology, the only formula activated directly by movement keeping you protected for longer than theheeading antiperspirant. the more yououove, the more it works. and now, get into the move with degree and you can earn prizes like designer shoes, cool gadgets, or amazing trips. find us on facebook to move, earn and win. degree. it won't let you down.
12:42 am
vo:...and so is the bacon... cheddar ranch tendercrisp at burger king. crispy bacon, rich cheddar cheese and creamy ranch dressing. not even the end of the world will make you put it down. get it before it's gone. and see "transformers: dark of the moon" now in theaters. [ all ] topped! [ male announcer ] applebee's knows what the neighborhood likes! so we created stacked, stuffed and topped entrees, starting at $9.99. stacked, stuffed and loaded with the flavor you love.
12:45 am
12:46 am
form something i call compumans. this is his documentary, it's called "transcendent man." please welcome ray kurzweil. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, first of all, i saw the documentary and it's so interesting. it's terrific. i have many, many questions for you. can you start by giving us some of your credentials so people know who you are and what you've done? >> well, i invented the flat bed scanner. first reading machine for the blind. first music synthesizer that can recreate or kes central instruments. speech recognition. >> jimmy: those things. and now -- well, you have in the past predicted many times predicted the future and you are usually very right on. and one of the things that you talk about is the singularity. what is the singularity? >> well, you know, when i was a student at m.i.t., we used a computer that took up half a
12:47 am
billing, cost tens of millions of dollars. this is thousands of tes more powerful and a million times cheaper. so, that's a billion times more computer per dollar. in 25 years, this will be a billion times more powerful again, per dollar, it will be the size of a blood cell. we'll have millions of them in our body keeping us healthy, from inside, going in our brains, interacting with our biological neurons, making us smarter, putting our brains on the web. allowing us to enter virtual reality environments. so, we'll be merging with our technology. and the technology is expanding. it doubles in power every year. after ten years, it multiplies by 1,000. >> jimmy: now, what happens with the computers, when they become smarter than we are? >> we are going to merge with them. they're not race apart. it's not an invasion from mars. >> jimmy: are you sure? >> well, last time i checked, we're creating them and we're -- they're extensions of ourselves. this is part of me.
12:48 am
i would like to put it in my body. >> jimmy: what? well -- >> little bit too big. there are people who do have -- >> jimmy: i could get it in there. [ laughter ] >> well, people have done that, like, parkinson's patitits who have a computer that connects to their brain and replaces the neurons destroyed by the disease. the latest generation allows you to down load software to the computer in the brain. we'll be able to do o at without surgery in 25 years. >> jimmy: now, 25 years, you say. what -- wh will life be like, what do you think it will be like during our grandchildren's time? time? or will we h he grandchildren? >> well, i plan to be around. >> jimmy: you are planning to live for a very long time. >> i'm going to take you with me, so -- >> jimmy: yeah, i doubt i'm going to make it that long. >> i think you're looking pretty good shape. >> jimmy: we'll see. but you're planning to live, what, 700 years. >> well, you know, you have to realize that by the time we get to 700 years, we're going to have even more technology, which
12:49 am
will enable us to go further. it's a bridge to a bridge. we're only 15 years away from the point where we can really reprogram the information pro setszs in our biology. we can change our genes, not just in a baby, but in a mature individual. we can turn genes off, we can add new genes. for example, i'd like to tell a fat recenter gene, you don't feed to hold on to every calorie anymore. i'm confident the next 100 will be good. >> jimmy: so, you think, how far away? >> well, that's been done in animal experiments and they're working with pharmaceutical companies to bring it to the human market. that's just one small example, that's one gene out of 23,000 we would like to tinker with. >> jimmy: this is going to be huge for the buffet industry. >> absolutely. >> jimmy: so, we'll be able to eat what we want, we'll be -- >> be able to go in virtual reality. right now, you can go in second life. second life is cartoon-like.
12:50 am
it's on a little screen like this. games like that, virtual environments, are going 3d, so, you are in the environment. you can change who you are. when we put virtual reality from within the nervous system, you can really feel like you are part of that virtual environment that will incorporate all of the senses and be full emersion. you don't have the same boring body every time. you can be somebody else. a couple could become each other, for example. >> jimmy: we would never need to travel, really, because we could be anywhere we want to be. >> actually have a technology like that i use where i give speeches and i look like i'm there in 3-d and the audience sees their l lal background behind me as i move. so, we have technology today. it's a little cumbersome today. ultimately, this will be very easy. and you're right. this is going to cut down on travel. >> jimmy: we're going to take a quick break and talk about the most important thing, which is, of course, sex with robots. "transcendent man" is now available on dvd.
12:51 am
we'll be right back with ray kurzweil. ♪ come on everybody ♪ gonna have a good time tonight ♪ come in for a great time at olive garden. enjoy our new carbonara ravioli with chicken for just $10.95. pancetta and parmesan-filled ravioli served with pan-seared chicken in creamy parmesan sauce. ♪ family affair or with sauteed shrimp for $12.95. both with unlimited breadsticks and salad or homemade soup. a great meal sure to end with a smile. olive garden. when you're here, you're family. you are the next mayor... [ announcer ] you are the next trending topic. of this bar. you are the next most viewed. you are the next leader. you are the next breath of fresh air.
12:52 am
you are the next sensation. ♪ when i get older i will be stronger ♪ the htc sensation 4g. instantly connecting you to just about everything. available at t-mobile. new suave professionals rosemary mint versus aveda. i love the fragrance of rosemary mint. her hair is very smooth, shiny. i can't tell the difference. [ male announcer ] new suave professionals. reformulated to work as well as top salon brands. reformulated to work as well crunchy, roasted peanuts. meet soft, chewy caramel. for the energy to keep you going. who wouldn't want to be a part of that? payday. the sweet taste of energy.
12:53 am
[ female announcer ] everybody loves that cushiony feeling. uh oh. i gotta go. [ female announcer ] and with charmin ultra soft, you can get that same cushiony feeling you love while still using less. charmin ultra soft has extra cushions that are soft and more absorbent. so you can use four times less versus the leading value brand. ah. [ female announcer ] using less never felt so good. we all go... why not enjoy the go with charmin ultra soft. leaving behind ground-in dirt and odors that vacuuming alone can't tackle. but with resolve high traffic foam, you can really see the difference.
12:54 am
it removes three times more dirt than vacuuming alone. it also neutralizes odors at their source, so your carpets are clean and fresh every step of the way. nothing revives carpets like resolve high traffic foam. don't just vacuum clean, resolve clean. a man can only try... and try...and try. i heard eating wle grain oats can help lower my cholesterol. it's gonna be tough...so tough. my wife and i want to lowe our cholesterol, but finding healthy food that tastes good is torturous. your father is suffering. [ male announc ] honey nut cheerios tastes great and can help lower cholesterol. unless it's also a scrub. lysol complete clean dual action wipes have 2 sides that go beyond ordinary wipes.
12:55 am
you can feel the difference. one side for everyday touchups. and one to scrub tough messes. all while killing 99.9% of germs. for tips on a healthy home visit lysol.com/missionforhealth. >> jimmy: hi, there, we're back with ray kurzweil. "transcendent man" is his dvd. it's a documentary. we're talking about the future. what will sex be like in the future? >> well, if you are going in second life now, sexual relations is a major interest area. people have second life spouses. there was an article on whatat e reaction of real life spouses is to people having second life spouses. and it varies. virtual reality right now is kind of cartoon like and it's on a screen. it going to become very realistic, kind of like the matrix.
12:56 am
but not so dystopian. so, you will be able to have any kind of relationship. physical, sexual. >> jimmy: would it feel like a physical relationship? >> yes. it will be just like real reality. >> jimmy: and how will we ever get people off the computer then? or will it be like dogs in heat just humping everything in sight? i know i, for one, will. >> well, we actually get sasaated on one thing and maybe we are going to want to eat something and want to create music, we're going to become better musicians, we're going to become funnier. some of us are already pretty good at that. >> jimmy: you're saying thatat these computers will make us funnier? >> well, we're going to put them inside our bodies and brains to make ourselves smarter. and computers are already smarter than we are logically. where we have an edge is getting the joke, being funny, being sense wall, being loving. that's the -- that's the threshold that we're on, to give computers those skills. we're going to put them inside
12:57 am
our bodies and brains to make ourselves greater in these qualities. >> jimmy: will dogs be smarter? >> that's an interesting question. we probably will enhance animals. we'll find out what they have to say. we may not like it. >> jimmy: we might not. be careful with that, because we wind up, if we're testing these things on them and they wind up smarter than we are, we could wind up living under dog rulers. >> i don't think it's going to be us versus them. i think it's going to be all mixed up. i mean, you know, i am smarter now because of these devices. they enable us to access human knowledge. a kid in africa has access to a vast amount of knowledge on a smararphone. they're widely distributed. >> jimmy: will we be able to download, be able to speak, like, swedish? >> we will be able to download human knowledge and skills and become smarter, but we still will be struggling at the edge of knowledge. we double human knowledge every 13 months. the more we know, the more we know that we don't know. so, the circle of ignorance grows. and being able to expand
12:58 am
knowledge will be challenging. creating new mouzic, now poetry, new jokes. that will continue to be challenging. >> jimmy: if someone studies their whole life, becomes a great heart surgeon, will they be able to upload that information onto a computer and pass it along to somebody? >> things that we struggle with now will become easy. things that are easy today that used to be a struggle. solvininmathematics. you can do that now with mathematica. people used to study for years to be able to do that. we already can do things. google, being able to find google. people used to study for years to find that thing. certain things will be easy. but we will be seeking greater frontiers to try to solve new challenges. that's the human story. we are the species that transcends. >> jimmy: you think you will ever own a line of hats? >> ah -- we'll be able to sit down on compmpers and design hats, clothing and print them on three dimensional --
12:59 am
>> jimmy: gnat that seems dangero dangerous. what if andy dick wants to get a grenadeauncher or something like that. wouldn't that be the end of the world if we are able to have anything we want? >> we're going to have to build in protections. there are downsides. since we had fire, there's been technology has been a double-edged sword. >> jimmy: we have to get rid of that, too. very interesting talking to you. if you want to hear more from ray, ray's speech where he talks about all of these things will be broadcast live on august 3rd. and "transcendent man" available on dvd. ray kurzweil, everyone. we'll be right back with breathe carolina. while there are some home disasters you can't avoid,
1:00 am
there is one you can. septic system breakdowns affect 1.2 million homes in the us each year. septic backups can cost about six thousand dollars in expense, and countless hours of repair. rid-x costs only six dollars, and the advanced natural bacteria generate powerful enzymes, which accelerate the waste digestion. use rid-x once a month, and help save yourself from disaster.
1:02 am
it's french's crunchy onion chicken! (announcer) for a quick and easy dinner crush french fried onions. dip chicken in egg. coat with onion crumbs and bake. when dinner's made with french's french fried onions, everyone's happy. french's. happy starts here. look for it in the canned vegetable aisle. >> jimmy: : is is their new album. it's called "hell is what you make it." here with the song "blackout," this month's biggest new band as selected by whooznxt, breathe carolina. ♪ caught up and i can't feel my hands no need to chase ♪
1:03 am
♪ can you relate can you keep up the pace like you're dying for this ♪ ♪ and when you say i'm not okay i left my phone in the cab now you can't get me ♪ ♪ i'm only getting started i won't blackout this time i've got nothing to waste ♪ ♪ let's go a little harder i'm on fire i won't blackout i'm on my way ♪ ♪ i'm only getting started i can't see your face cigarette the wrong way ♪ ♪ inhale to the top of my lungs i've been dying for this ♪ ♪ and when you say i'm not okay i left my phone in the cab now you can't hear me ♪ ♪ i'm only getting started i
1:04 am
won't black out this time i've got nothing to waste ♪ ♪ let's go a little harder i'm on fire but i wonon black out i'm on my way ♪ ♪ i'm only getting started i won't bla out this time i've got nothing to waste ♪ ♪ let's go a little harder i'm on fire but i won't black out i'm on my way ♪ ♪ this won't stop till i say so ♪ ♪ this won't stop till i say so this won't stop until i say so ♪ ♪ going and going and going and going and go ♪ ♪ ♪ i'm only getting started i
214 Views
1 Favorite
IN COLLECTIONS
KGO (ABC) Television Archive Television Archive News Search ServiceUploaded by TV Archive on