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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  July 16, 2011 12:00am-1:05am PDT

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thanks to matt and thank you for watching abc news. "gma" in the morning and have a great weekend, everybody. >> dicky: tonight on "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> jimmy: my plan this weekend is to barbecue everything in sight. nothing is safe. hide your dog, hide your kids, hide your wallet. when i'm done, i want my backyard to look like a zoo caught fire. >> dicky: kevin nealon. >> om. >> dicky: dave salmoni. >> jimmy: oh, my god! >> dicky: and music from parachute. >> jimmy: you know talk show hosts love to have animals on >> jimmy: you know talk show hosts l[ male announcer ]s on nature is unique... ...authentic... ...pure... and also delicious. ♪ like nature valley. granola bars made with crunchy oats and pure honey. because natural is not only good, it also tastes good.
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nature valley -- 100% natural. 100% delicious. empty nest, new kitchen, new us? nature valley -- 100% natural. who are we? chic, modern, daring dinner-party hosts. that sounds dangerous, maybe we're more the tradiotional sunday brunch set? i'll expect slippers and a cocktail to be ready when i get home from work. point taken. how about... peaceful, quiet cottage in the country folk? now that's us. save up to 20% on every kitchen style, now until august 21st at ikea, the life improvement store. a man can only try... and try...and try. i heard eating wle grain oats can help lower my cholesterol. it's gonna be tough...so tough. my wife and i want to lowe our cholesterol, but finding healthy food that tastes good is torturous. your father is suffering.
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[ male announc ] honey nut cheerios tastes great and can help lower cholesterol. "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- kevin nealon. dave salmoni and his wild animals. and music from parachute. with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" >> dicky: and now, the time has come. here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. thanks. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show.
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thank you for watching. thanks for meeting. i appreciate it. hey, quick question. who else is making a red, white and blue jell-o mold in the shape of the liberty bell this weekend? anyone? the 4th of july is on monday, which, i think that means an extra day off. that's nice. the 4th of july is the day we celebrate our independence from simon cowell and his life. my plan this weekend is to barbecue everything in sight. nothing is safe. hide your kid, hide your kid, hide your wallet. when i'm done, i want my backyard to look like a zoo caught fire. that's my goal. experts say that because of high gas prices, fewer families will travel this weekend. and that's -- that is a shame. i can't imagine growing up without the joy of an 18-hour drive through the desert with -- [ laughter ] my father who is too cheap to turn the air conditioning on. be like growing up without ice cream. we've got a lot going on tonight.
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kevin nealon is here tonight, as dave salmoni. [ applause ] and dave has -- that's dave backsta backstage. he brought animals. that's a fox, i think. you know how talk show hosts love to have animals on the show? i don't. i don't look forward to it. and make no mistake, if one of them starts attacking,ly use one or more of you as a human shield. [ laughter ] for a lot of children this is the first week of summer vacation. last week, i asked parents whose kids were out of school to pull a prank on those kids. i asked them to wake their kids up very early, tell them they're late for school and post a video on youtube. and sure enough, a lot of you did. >> late for school. come on, you're late for school. you're going to miss the first day of school. you're late, dude. you have to get up. >> there isn't school, dude.
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>> you're late for school. come on, you have to go to school. >> where's mom? >> i don't know. she ran away. you have to go to school. >> okay. >> rach. time to get up. you u t to get ready for school. >> there's not school. >> yeah, it is. >> what school? >> school. >> this is not a funny joke. >> wake up. jimmy says you have to go to school. >> huh? >> jimmy says you have to to go school. >> oh, don't put this on jimmy kimmel. >> baby, you're going to miss the bus. you're going to be late for school. >> isn't the -- >> we're in august, we're august
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15th. it's already time for school. >> we -- we're already past june? >> yeah, in july. >> that was weird. >> diane? diane, you're late for school. it's already 9:30. you better get up. come on, time to get up. time to go to school. you got to get up. >> jimmy: well, some children can get vicious. [ cheers and applause ] thank you to all of you, the parents who participated, and the kids, too. i think it's nice -- i think it's nice for your children to have these moments on tape so they can have something to show their therapist in 20 years. [ laughter ] tonight on nbc, the finale of "the voice." i tell you something. i think it's great that an nbc show finally made it to a finale before being canceled. it hasn't happened since "friends." if winner tonight of "the voice" was sanjaya. quite a comeback for him. no, the winner was javier.
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a name i have forgotten already. though, i am wearing javier cologne right now. so, "the voice" is done for the season. but if you feel like you're going through withdrawals, just sit in an office chair, turn on the radio and spin around in circles for an hour. you'll get it. another big competition going on right now, the women's soccer world cup. it happens once every four years. this time, it is being held in germany. today, brazil beat australia 1-0. it was a close match. it was a thriller from beginning to end. and this was the highlight, courtesy of espn. it is our women's world cup play of the day. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: amazing what these athletes can do. this is -- this is kind of weird. the pope tweeted yesterday.
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there's the pope with his friends. and he's got an ipad. he's getting ready to tweet. and he real he really just pushed the button at the end of the thing, but there it is. ly -- well, he kind of tweeted. there you go. the pope tweeted. five years ago if you told me the pope tweeted, i would have said, why, does he think he's a bird? i mean, it's -- [ laughter ] but he tweeted. he checked into heaven on foursquare and he's the mayor now. [ laughter ] his first tweet was about jesus. i guess that's the way you have to do it. but the second tweet was a little bit more down to earth. he said, "can't wait for "crazy, stupid love." emma stone and ryan gosling look amaze-balls." amaze-balls.s. the pope tweeted that. elsewhere in the world of social media, fox's parent company news corp has reportedly sold myspace for around $35 million. you know, six years ago, they
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bought myspace for $580 million and sold it for 35. but they have a plan to make it all back. they just bought the rights to "spider-man the musical two." and -- [ laughter ] we should prank them. the moment the sale goes through, rejoining myspace and making it popular again. wouldn't that be good? this is pretty good. this is -- [ applause ] lady gaga is in japan right now and, well, watch this. >> thank you. it's a young japanese designer. [ speaking japanese ] >> and your concept for the look today? >> well, i really like pandas. >> panda! >> jimmy: they went crazy. [ laughter ] panda gaga. what did they say? toshi? anything good? interesting? not really, all right. charlie sheen is back in the news. apparently the producers of "two
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and a half men," his former show, are planning to explain his sudden disappearance from the program by killing off his character. they're going to kill. so, now, it's a race against time to see who can kill charlie sheen first. "two and a half men" or charlie first. they're aware he's a war lock, right,t,nd that death only makes him more powerful? that should be a fun thing for the cbs promo department. monday on an all-new "two and a half men," your favorite character dies and is replaced by the guy from "punkd." i remember when coach died on "cheers." it was upsetting. so, we went out on the street today and asked who would be most affected by this, kids, and found out how they think charlie sheen should die. and here's what they said. >> they should hit charlie sheen with a punch of barbie dolls until he's dead. >> they should whip him like in "indiana jones" and stick him in
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a fire ant pit and the ants would just eat him and burn his face. >> i would probably blow him up. >> put poison in his pudding cup. >> they should set him on fire. >> stab him with this thing. >> dog bite! >> kill him with a shotgun. >> knuckle sandwich. >> stab him with a pocket knife? >> they should probably give him cancer like my cat. >> i think we should kill charlie sheen by -- get a knife, get everything that can kill everything, like, a gun, cannon, bazooka, get charlie and then a -- we can, he's sleeping and we can kill hit. he can kill his [ bleep ].
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>> jimmy: for those of you watching at home, suffice to say, that kid just said something that not only was weird, it's impossible. [ laughter ] sarah palin says she's studying a possible presidential bid, stilil she says she's weighing all her options, should be ready to make her daughter bristol told fox . news her mother has already made up her mind, though she's not telling anybody that andnd reporters asked her about that. sarah said she called bristol and she said, what we talk about on the fishing boat stays on the fishing boat. that's the rule. if you say it in the igolloo, is fair game. but on the fishing boat, no. and if you're out harpooning walruses, it's case by case. one of the things that's fueling rumors about a palin run is a movie that's been released about her. i don't want to ruin it, but she kills bambi and dumbo. is it a good idea for a former governor to make a movie in this day and age? she could wind up getting the maid pregnant, and then all hell
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would break loose. but her documentary is called "the undefeated." the premiere was held in iowa. it was a packed house. they actually had to up the seating capacity due to the high demand for tickets, which sounded a little bit like the ending to "inglorio"inglor youu" to me. levi johnston locks the doors and sets the theater on fire. one person that was in attendance was our friend jake byrd. we met him first at the michael jackson trial, and he loves sarah palin, too. here he is during sarah palin's vice presidential campaign in 2008. >> god bless america. >> yes! palin loves beaver! yes! >> jimmy: he's very excitable. as you can see. so, as you might imagine, when sarah palin's movie premiered last night in iowa, jake byrd was there.
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>> i think sarah palin would be a fabulous president. she's a patriot. >> real patriot. >> sarah palin really does protect her family. >> that's right. she's a mamma grizzly bear and protects her cubs. except for that one time when he grizzly daughter went on that grizzly camping trip and got drunk on grizzly wine coolers and got knocked up by that grizzly hockey player. other than that, perfect grizzly record. >> oh, my. sounds good. >> you sound good. you smell good. let me get a whiff. >> oh, geez. >> check out what i got. i got a hard on for america and a hard on for sarah palin. you want a hard on for america? >> yep. >> let me get you. tell me if i'm poking your pacemaker. you got tea saucer nipples, i can feel. you're ready for milking.
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would you like a hard on for america? >> i will take that. >> let me get a little lower there. little lower. little lower. little lower. little lower. perfect. we've e t a heart on for america. can i show you my sign, too? suck it, streep. there's a new movie star in town. >> i optioned the audio rights to "going rogue" which i used as a linking device. to tie together the scenes in the segments. >> can i congratulate you on a fantastic film? and this is not going to -- >> hang on. >> she's our movie star. she's my meg gone fox. my david craig. my james bond. my john wayne. joan collins.
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my robert de niro. my leonardo dicaprio. dr. house. my cat woman. my oprah. judge judy. tom cruise. katie holmes. "transformers." "green hornet." she's my "kung fu panda." she's my -- >> hey -- >> she's my "percy jackson and the leaguening thiightning thie" >> come on here. >> she's my "thor." my "ironman." my "slungdog millionaire." my "harry potter." >> she was just a governor of alaska, dude. >> thank you for exposing those pictures of weiner's summer sausage. that was hilarious. hilarious. see you. [ laughter ] sarah! sarah! sarah!
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come on, you got to take your shirt off or something. sarah! sarah! forget the presidency. she's going to win the oscar. best actress, right there. best actress in america. oscar! oscar! oscar! oscar! oscar! oscar! you got it, sarah. you got this one. oscar! sign my milk duds. sign my milk duds. she said yes! she said yes! thank you. >> thank you, jake. >> you're awesome. ridiculously awesome. >> thank you so much. i appreciate that. >> she signed my milk duds. >> well, the governor arrived 15 minutes ago. she's already inside the oprah house. about 324 people are -- >> she signed my milk duds. >> you can s s -- >> as far as we know, we won't get to talk to her, but we're going to try. >> okay. always a crowd when palin shows up. thanks dave. >> that's my guy. can i get a hug? that's my guy right there. that's todd. todd the wad, baby. enjoy the movie, sarah!
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don't let todd pull the popcorn trick on you. [ applause ] >> jimmy: tremendous job, jake. >> she signed my milk duds. >> jimmy: jake byrd, everybody. hey, we have a good show tonight. animals with dave salmoni is here. we have music from parachute. and we'll be right back with kevin nealon, so stick around. ♪ come on everybody ♪ gonna have a good time tonight ♪ come in for a great time at olive garden. enjoy our new carbonara ravioli with chicken for just $10.95. pancetta and parmesan-filled ravioli served with pan-seared chicken in creamy parmesan sauce. ♪ family affair or with sauteed shrimp for $12.95. both with unlimited breadsticks and salad or homemade soup. a great meal sure to end with a smile.
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a man can only try... and try...and try.
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i heard eating wle grain oats can help lower my cholesterol. it's gonna be tough...so tough. my wife and i want to lowe our cholesterol, but finding healthy food that tastes good is torturous. your father is suffering. [ male announc ] honey nut cheerios tastes great and can help lower cholesterol. >> jimmy: thank you, cleto, singing, dancing over the years. on the show tonight, a man who has harnessed the power animals and, despite my specific instructions not to, has brought them here tonight. he has a new show called "expedition impossible" here on abc. dave salmoni is with us. and then, the music from this new album, though it looks like a very old album from my parents' record collection.
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it's called "the way it was." parachute from the bud light stage. this summer, you can see parachute on tour with goo goo dolls and michelle branch. tomorrow night, shia labeouf, green bay packers quarterback aaron rodgers, and music from 311. so join us then, too. our first guest tonight is a funny fellow if ever there was one. you know him from nine seasons on "saturday night live" and now seven seasons on "weeds" as the seismically stoned doug. watch it mondays at 10:00 on showtime. please say hello to kevin nealon. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: always a delight to see you. this is your 19th appearance on the show. i think that makes us roommates now. >> yes. 1919nd counting. >> jimmy: how is everything going? >> doesn't seem like 19. >> jimmy: it goes by quickly. >> it's been consecutive, too. last 19 days --
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>> jimmy: that is the weird part about it. we just got on a jag there and kept going with it. >> we had to finish the conversation. >> jimmy: everything all right? >> everything's good. >> jimmy: family's okay? >> no. >> jimmy: no? >> no, everything's good. >> jimmy: what have you be up to? >> i got to tell you, jimmy. i used to poo poo this a lot, but i started meditating. >> jimmy: you did? >> yeah, because i've been kind of stressed out. and it worked for awhile, but now it's become worrying. you know, i start meditating and i have that free time and it becomes -- i start worrying about stuff. probably because of my mantra. my mantra is "oh no." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, that's probably it. >> oh, no. >> jimmy: what do you have to be worried about? what's bothering you? >> that's a good question. i was worried about the rapture for awhile, like a lot of pepele. [ laughter ] and -- >> jimmy: you bought billboards in our neighborhood, which surprised me. >> but you know, what?
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two days before it was supposed to it, i knew it wasn't happening, because i know that australia is two days ahead of us, so i made a random call to australia and they were fine. you know, i just called somebody. the refrigerator was running and prince albert was in a can, so cool. it was cool. >> jimmy: that is a relief. >> i worry about all kinds of things. i have a kid, too. i have a 4-year-old. >> jimmy: are you a worrier? like, are you a strict parent with your son? >> well, we're trying to get him into a good school for kindergarten up to eighth grade and it's really hard. you want a good school but they're all, like, rich white kid schools, you know? i want him to be diversified. i want him to be with a lot -- but the education is great. so maybe i'll send him to that and then on the side i'll have him join a gang. just for the -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's a really good idea. how old is he? >> he's 4 years old. >> jimmy: he's 4 years old. [ laughter ] >> you have to start them young in the gang. >> jimmy: oh, yeah.
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>> but i'm like a tiger mom with him. >> jimmy: are you really? i never imagine you as a tiger mom. what does that mean? >> well, i got him started on piano lessons. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> he has to practice 12 hours a day. but it's just one key. just one key. you know -- we mix up the tempo a little bit. >> jimmy: uh-huh. is he getting good? >> he's getting angry. he's getting angry. >> jimmy: i have -- i g g something from your website. i got crabs from your r bsite. >> you're not the first one. >> jimmy: no, you -- >> you should always wear protection when you check out my website. >> jimmy: you posted some drawings you made. i know you're on the plane a lot. i think these are very good. there's a theme. >> the back of the head of the guy in front of me. >> jimmy: this is the back of -- the dude in front. there's another guy. >> i get so bored on the plane. this is -- >> silhouette.
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>> jimmy: night flight. what's going on with this guy here? >> oh, that guy. he was just standing in the aisle, you know, a few rows ahead of me, just lookokg down the aisle. he looked kind of european. >> jimmy: he has smell lines coming off him. >> no, those are really coming up. >> jimmy: this one -- this one's my favorite one, i think. guy is very business-like. no, wait, this is my favorite. just like my grandma, by the way. i mean, it really -- do you -- do you -- do they catch you, ever, drawing them? >> no, they don't. i'm very good about that. [ laughter ] i can be drawing you right now and you would never know. >> jimmy: i would not know it? because i'll do that and get mad when they move. because i feel like they should be posing for me. >> say i was drawing you -- >> jimmy: hold on. let me get you a pen. >> you're a passenger and you're sitting. every time you look over.
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[ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's the secret. i like that. >> one step ahead. >> jimmy: so, you're on the plane, you'll see kevin and he's probably drawing you and then people should be complimented by that, i think. >> yeah, yeah. i was coming back from lake tahoe once and don cheadle was sitting across from me in the aisle, you know? and this is after "hotel rwanda." big hit. maybe about eight months to a year after it. and i had a script that i was reading and on the front of it, i wrote "hotel rwanda 2," and i had it like this so he could see it. like, i was reading it. >> jimmy: did he glance over? >> he did. he went, oh, you -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this is unbelievable. "weeds" has been on for seven seasons now.
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congratulations. [ cheers and applause ] you -- i know you do that whole thing. but you guys don't really smoke on the show? >> no -- it's a honey rose herb that we smoke. >> jimmy: for real? >> yeah, it's a real honey rose herb. but it's -- it's not as innocent as it sounds. we get it from the honey rose herb cartel in colombia. >> jimmy: is that right? >> they won't cut your head off or anything if you go back on them. but they will give you a headache. they'll nag you to death. where's the money for the honey rose we sent you? >> jimmy: well, it's great to see you. congratulations. i'm glad everything is going so well. kevin nealon, everyone. the new season of "weeds" is mondays at 10:00 on showtime. we'll be right back with dave salmoni and animals.
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>> jimmy: hi there, we're back. still to come, parachute will be with us. every few montnt or so, our next guest buys a box of dangerous animals on craigslist and then brings them here to scare me. there's already something going on back there. he's also the host of a new reality competition show called "expedition impossible." you can watch it thursday nights at 9:00 here on abc. please welcome -- oh, no - -dave salmoni and his animal friends. hey, dave. how are you? >> whoa, hey. come on, fella. >> jimmy: look at that.
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>> we need some treatments here. we have a bowl of treats over there? >> jimmy: ah, yeah. >> g g involved here. >> jimmy: what -- >> the small bowl right in front of you. open it up. >> jimmy: all right, okay. what is that? >> a squirrel monkey. >> jimmy: there you go. >> he wants more. >> jimmy: take my wallet while you're at it. >> every time i bring an animal, i'm going to try to make you fall in love with it. >> jimmy: it's not going to happen. i'd be happy -- can i be honest with you? >> please do. >> jimmy: i feel like -- you feel like you have control over the animals but one of them could mistake my eyeball for a grape and pull it right out of my face. >> not eddie. he's more of a -- >> jimmy: i kind of like eddie. i think i could own an eddie -- >> touch his back. >> jimmy: i feel like i'm being tricked. >> he's totally fine. he likes you because you're giving him the food. the only way that you get aggression this guy is if you try to take the food from him. >> jimmy: i won't do that. >> people often think, oh, they
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make great pelts because it's so little and sweet. as much as i told you, it's nice to pet him, they are terrible pets. >> jimmy: they are? >> he will get older and start biting. >> jimmy: well, then you just throw him in the garbage, right? >> sort of like that. >> jimmy: what is he made of? felt? okay, all right. eddie -- do we know what this guy is? >> that's his dad. >> jimmy: now, this is not -- i'm going to put the food away. >> not as nice and soft as our boy eddie was. >> jimmy: this is a beautiful animal. >> this is a bob cat. >> jimmy: ohohfrom "police academy?" >> bob cat? [ laughter ] he really likes a neck rub. can i get you to give him a neck rub? >> jimmy: i don't think so. i -- >> this is really calming for him. >> jimmy: can't they sense fear? >> they can. but they don't mind it. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> let me put him up here. back of the neck. >> jimmy: i don't really want -- >> just like i did there. like that. you're going to fall in love with this guy. i promise.
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>> jimmy: yeah, i'm worried about him not loving me. >> i'm watching him. i'll warn you. >> jimmy: yeah. >> that being said, this guy can actually take something down as big as a deer. >> jimmy: really? >> he's nice. he got these two big canines in the front top there -- >> jimmy: why would a cat have canines? that seems weird. traitors in his mouth. wow. what is his name? >> when you see him go after a deer, you'll see hitch latch on, such kate him. >> jimmy: really? >> and this guy, off a deer, can survive months -- >> jimmy: where does this guy live? and can i stop pettingngim now? i'm terrified. >> yeah. he's molting a little bit. >> jimmy: yeah, all right. and so -- he's dangerous. is he at full size right now? >> he's only a year old. they look like great pets. right around 4 is when people start having trouble, he gets super aggressive. >> jimmy: this doesn't look like a great pet to me. it looks like a dangerous, dangerous pet to have. >> my other favorite thing that
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i would love to show you if -- >> jimmy: his penis? >> his tail. it's all bobbed there. >> jimmy: oh, hello. you taking him? how many -- if -- could a crazy old lady have 70 of those -- >> no. one of those would hurt a crazy lady. i have a fun guy. and this guy won't scare you at all. >> jimmy: well, that's where you'u' wrong. all right. >> that's a chamameon. >> jimmy: look at that color. >> he's going to grab onto you. >> jimmy: is this going to hurt? >> no. you see his hands there. they are going to grip around your finger. this little tail is going to wrap onto you like that. >> jimmy: he changes colors? >> yeah, he can be green, blue, >> jimmy: what makes him change color?r? >> a hormone change. so when he mood changes, his hormones change -- >> jimmy: like if he's going through menopause? >> see, he's turning green right now. >> jimmy: he is. he was in his box, he was in one mood. he sees all these people, starts turning green.
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>> jimmy: do the moods mean something? >> i don't t tnk it's like a mood ring. it's more like -- it's a change. there are different colors in the different places. what it's used for is to hide from predators. if it seeds s if it seedsees a predator -- >> jimmy: what are the predators? >> anything that's bigger. they're not that good at getting away. so, big birds will go after them. >> jimmy: they don't look that delicious, i'll be honest with you. i don't know why anyone would want to eat one of these things. >> i think that's their hope. anything that's this big, bright colors are saying to the predator, hey, i don't taste very well. >> jimmy: are you allowed to keep these as pets? >> they're not illegal, but it's not a great idea. any of these exotics, though they seem like a great idea, you can get an aquarium, they're not meant to be in houses. they don't have great full lives in houses. >> jimmy: because this one -- it's orange, like, it looks a little bit like snooki. >> that's because you see it's got the googly eyes. snooki gets drunk and her eyes are everywhere. and these, they use the eyes that are all over the place -- >> jimmy: do they ever get drunk?
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oh, now, that looks like a snack -- oh, my god! >> that bowl. that's it. here, buddy. now, your audience was terrified there. >> jimmy: this looks like a cute animal. but what is the fact about this ananal? >> this is the most aggressive, dangerous bird in the animal kingdom. hey, buddy. come here. okay, okay. >> jimmy: oh, my god. and it's running around the audience. why? >> at this age, he's not dangerous to anybody. it's okay, buddy. >> jimmy: okay. and what will happen when he gets older? >> he's going to get double the size. you see the big toe? right in the front there? that's what he will use, he will put both feet like that and be able to open people up. >> jimmy: open people up? >> they kill people. with those big toes. you want to come over, see if you can get him to jump? my favorite thing. you can see, they open people up with the big, powerful legs. see if we can get him to jump. >> jimmy: do we want him to? >> it's cool.
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you see the big strong muscles. i keep trying to convince you that animals are fun. >> jimmy: yeah. it's not working. no. >> another one there? >> jimmy: this could turn into a disney movie where he joins the lakers. [ applause ] >> hey, there he goes. thank you so much. >> jimmy: all right, we have more animals backstage. dave salmoni is here. his show is called "expedition impossible," thursday nights here on abc. we'll be right back. >> jimmy: we're back with dave ♪ have a better day [ male announcer ] only subway has a deal this flat-out delicious -- the new $3 flatbread breakfast combo. [ moos ] a toasty 6-inch flatbread breakfast sandwich and a 16-ounce cup of freshly brewed seattle's best coffee. all for just $3.
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>> jimmy: we're back with dave salmoni. and this is a wallaby. >> it is. would you like to hold him? >> jimmy: i will -- it's not something i've always dreamed about. >> you're going to hold him like a baby. there's no dangerous parts to him. >> jimmy: can i breast feed him? >> if you feel like you're lactating. >> jimmy: these are not dangerous? >> going to eat your microphone. he may be dangerous to your microphone and tie. >> jimmy: that's all right. >> big kangaroos, they can get dangerous. they have big toe much like that bird you just saw that can kick peek. >> jimmy: the boxing gloves, yeah. >> this guy does the same thing. he can lean back and use the big feet. but he's only a baby and he just wants to hang out. >> jimmy: and he lives in, like, in the -- like, storage container or something -- >> he's ininustralia. >> jimmy: look at how relaxed i am. >> i can pull out -- you can see
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his front, free-climbing -- >> jimmy: he is cute. >> look at the big back feet. those are his jumping feet. now i'm going to grab his tail. >> jimmy: let's not get crazy. >ou seem petrified right now. >> jimmy: i am. i told you. not everyone is natural with animals. i'm from brooklyn and we don't have animals there. >> treat him like a raccoon. >> jimmy: i hate those. they're scary. your new show is nonanimal related. >> "expedition impossible." we have camels and donkeys and but i don't have to handle them. >> jimmy: they're not competing. >> no. it's a race across morocco. it's 13 teams of three racing across morocco. in expedition. we push them to the point where they almost break. and part of that is introducing the moroccan culture. they cross the desert with camels. you'll see tomorrow night they are riding arabian stallions. it's really fun.
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>> jimmy: is anyone -- well, you had a blind guy on the show. >> eric is one of the most amazing, impressive human beings. we have a wide variety of contestants. we have football players, little girls from kansas, cops, firemen. and these are all able-bodied, really tough guys and they are competing against eric, our blind guy,y,ho is holding his own and showing them up. >> jimmy: and that is designed to humiliate the contestants, right? >> it's funny. at first, you'd think that. but then you meet him. as you watch the series as it goes, he literally is a guy i'm so impressed by. i wouldn't mind losing to him. >> jimmy: he wouldn't be scared of that adorable wallaby. >> you hear this guy, i have to get on this horse today. if i fall off, i don't know what i'm falling into. you try and picture all the difficult things. they go through the ringer, these guys. picturing -- he's going to do it in the dark. >> jimmy: just getting to the bathroom in the middle of the night is difficult as it is. >> our cast is so strong. we literally -- it's a mark burnett series. and he did so good at, you know, making it so diverse that
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everybody at home is going to have somebody to relate to. you're going to watch and think if that guy can do it, i can do it. >> jimmy: i'm glad you're finally working with humans. next time, bring some baby humans out and i would love to hold them. >> will you hold them? >> jimmy: absolutely. >> jimmy: dave salmoni, everybody. "expedition impossible," thursday nights at 9:00 here on abc. we'll be right back with parachute.
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>> jimmy: this is their new album. it's called "the way it was." here with the song "something to believe in," with some help from the cletones, parachute! ♪ you wake up every morning looking for your answer you're waiting for your sign ♪ ♪ while jeremiah's on his way to tell the people ♪ ♪ but you watch him pass you by you spend your days alone ♪ ♪ still hoping for a true but you don't wanna try ♪ ♪ you swear the world has got you
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backed into a corner ♪ ♪ but no one holds your hand to walk into a fight you swear the light is gonna find you ♪ ♪ but it can't find you when you're waiting all the time you say keep my head from going down ♪ ♪ just for a little just for a little watch my feet float off the ground ♪ ♪ just for a little just for a little love if you can hear this sound ♪ ♪ oh just give me something something to believe in you spend your days alone still hopin' for the truth ♪ ♪ oh but all you hear are lies but no on else is gonna tell you what to do now ♪
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♪ no one else is gonna help you hold the line ♪ ♪ sometimes it's hard to keep on living but you're the one who's got to ♪ ♪ know just when it's right you say keep my head from going down ♪ ♪ just for a little just for a little watch my feet float off the ground ♪ ♪ just for a little just for a little love if you can hear this sound ♪ ♪ oh just give me something something to believe in love come take me now ♪ ♪ love come take me love come take me now ♪
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♪ you say keep my head from going down just for a little just for a little ♪ ♪ watch my feet float off the ground just for a little just for a little ♪ ♪ love if you can hear this sound oh just give me something something to believe in ♪ ♪ yeah oh something to believe in love come take me something to believe in ♪ ♪ love me just give me something ♪ ♪ something to believe in >> jimmy: there you go. this is their new album. "the way it was." go to jimmykimmellive.com and see a bonus performance. from parachute. i want to thank kevin nealon,

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