closed captioning services, inc. uhh! aah! aah! (woman) oh! aah, hold on! ohh! uhh! ooh! when are we gonna let it rain? i want to let it rain. (laughs) tonight, the most famous and mysterious first lady in american history is ready to speak k you. the woman who refused interviews, dodged the paparazzi and kept her secrets for half a century left behind eight and a half hours of audio tape about her life. >> i mean, it's so strange, these things that come back.

>> reporter: the history she witnessed in the white house. >> just put his head in his hands and he started to cry, just with me. >> reporter: the people behind the politics. >> these men with this enormous ego would have been enraged and blocking jack. >> reporter: she is wickedlier rev rant. >> bitter kind of push gr, horrible woman. >> reporter: analyzing the man she married -- >> jack was young and loved everythi everything. >> reporter: and the marriage they made. and how a shy girl, who loved becomes a new symbol of american power. studying the dangerous players on the global stage. >> it seemed just naked, brutal, ruthless power. >> reporter: a wife who bore the geef of a nation, remembers a pledge she gave her husband when the world was unchess move away from nuclear war. >> i said, please don't send me

away. i just want to be with you and i want to die with you and the children do, too. >> reporter: tonight, jacqueline kennedy tells her story. good evening and welcome. tonight, the voice we never thought we'd hear. the private history we never thought we would learn. almost 50 years ago, jacqueline bouvier kennedy went sigh leapt after she left the white house, refusing to give press interviews. so, it was stunning to learn that only four months after her husband's assassination, she sat down and quietly recorded more than eight hours of audio tape about their time together and what happened at the white house. those tapes are now included in a new ok, "jacqueline kennedy: historic conversations on life with john f. kennedy." and by the way, that is how she pronounced her name, jacqueline.

we think these tapes are surprising. and as you're about to see, a portrait of a young person who thinks she is one kind of person only to discover she is another. and they are also a story of someone who is a hisness to history and making history herself. a first lady deciding her country would lay cultural claim to the american century. so, now, it is time to begin. after all these years, jacqueline kennedy, ready to tell us who she really was. the setting is her house in washington, where she liveded for a few months after moving out of the white house. her living room with its pail yellow chairs and favorite pictures on the bookshelves. caroline, age 6, john, age 3,

can be heard in the background. there are ice cubes in a glass. a match lights up her cigarette. and the time capsule begins to open. we see them again, the young couple who once held the promise of a brand new century. a young man filled with nerve and swagger. his luminous wife, lit by the sun, unaware they are racing toward tragedy. again, it's just four months after his death, as she speaks in that singular, intimate, breathy voice. >> i mean, it's so strange the things that come back. i always thought with jack that anything -- he could make, you know, once he was in control, anything, all the best things would happen. in this childish way, i thought, "i won't have to be afraid when i go to slslp at night or wake up."

so strange these things that come back. >> reporter: and so, she takes us there, the day it began. the morning of a freezing cold inauguration, january 20th, 1961. >> it was like children waiting for christmas or something, getting up and getting dressed. and the snowstorm, all the excitement. >> reporter: he is 43, she is 31. the youngest president and first lady in history, taking over from mamie and ike, the eisenhowers, the oldest couple in the white house, who have come to symbolize the conformity and conventions of america in t t the' 50s. as her friend, renowned historian arthur schlesinger, asks her questions, she emerges as a skillful and irreverent diarist of what the people in the photos are really thinking. >> what did the president think of eisenhower? >> well, not much.

you know, jack saw that all that could have been done, i mean, how really he kept us standing still and gave away -- i don't think he thought much of him. >> reporter: and the sweet-faced grandmotherly mamie. what did mamie think of her? >> didn't president eisenhower say during the campaign, "whenever mamie thinks of that girl being in the white house, she goes s-s-s-s-s-s," or a raspberry or some charming sound? you know, there was this sort of venom or something there. >> reporter: as they leave for the ride to the capitol, the amused young newcomer notices mamie seems to have forgotten that kennedy is the first irish catholic president. >> i was sitting in the car, president eisenhower and jack came out afterwards or something and she said, "look at ike in his top hat. he looks just like paddy the irishman!" i don't think she realized -- and then the inauguration. >> reporter: during the

ceremony, we saw only her unchanging smile. >> mr. robert frost. >> reporter: but it was she who invited the first poet ever to speak at an inauguration, robert frost, who was faltering in the blinding sunlight. >> it was such a glare from the snow that he really couldn't see what was written on the paper. >> i'm not having a good light. and he looked like he was going to cry. and then lyndon got up and held his hat over it. >> here, let me have that. >> reporter: the 86-year-oldld decides to recite a poem from memory. >> such as she was, such as she would become, has become, what she will become. >> reporter: and though we can't see it, she is, in fact, like radar, scouting out friends and adversarying from the podium. near her, their bitter rivals in the election, outgoing vice president richard nixon and his wife, pat, working hard to smile through the bruises from that

brutal defeat, where they lost by 16 hununedths of 1%. >> i remember mrs. nixon, who looked really pretty that day. i thought if she -- you could see she could really be rather new york chic when she wanted, in sort of a black persian lamb coat and hat. >> reporter: she watches as her husband, the president, strides to the podium to deliver that soaring new vision for the nation. >> the torch has been n ssed to a new generation of americans. >> reporter: he issues a clarion call for america to defeat the march of communism. and he calls for a new tron tier of economic progress, fighting poverty, civil rights. >> and so, my fellow americans, ask not what your country can do for you. ask what you can do for your country.

>> and everyone says, "why didn't jack kiss you after?" which, of course, he would never do there. but you had to march out in such order that i was about eight behind him, with women or something. and i so badly wanted to see him before the lunch, just to see him alone. i went to a room with all the ladies, where they had sherry and coffee, and he was with the men. and i caught up to him in the capitol and, oh, i was just so proud of him. and there's a picture where i have my happened on his chin and -- he's just looking at me. d there really were tears in his eyes. suddenly a flash came because i didn't think there was anyone there. in the papers it said, "wife chucks him under chin." i mean, that was so much more emotional than any kiss because his eyes really did fill with tears. just say, "oh, jack, what a day." then we got in the car for that

parade, sort of not quite knowing how to wave. >> reporter: a brand new path ahead for all of us. even though, in our middle class nation, it wasn't easy to fathom this new first lady. so golden and exotic,, a debutante who grew up on a newport estate and even spoke foreign languages on the campaign trail. [ speaking foreign language ] >> people came up and used to be surprised that i could speak engli english. >> reporter: it's only now that the tapes reveal what was behind that finishing school smile. the dazzling mrs. kennedy was filled with dread. i used to worry about going into the white house. it'll be a goldfish bowl, the secret service, i'll never see my husband. i spent sosouch time worrying, would it ruin our marriage to

get in the white house? >> reporter: she was intimidated, frightened. after all, she'd never been a natural in politics. a plane from decades ago roars overhead. >> i was always a liability to him. everyone thought i was a snob from newport who had bouffant hair and had french clothes and hated politics. and he'd get so upset for me when something like that came out. and sometimes i'd say, "oh, jack, i i sh -- you know, i'm sorry for you that i'm just such a dud." i mean, he knew i loved him and i did everything i could. >> reporter: it has only been two months since she gave birth to john jr., but cesarean. she had put on a brave face for the star-studded receptions. the first time all of hollywood would come to

celebrate presidential glamour. there's angie dickinson and frank sinatra singing "that old jack magic." ♪ that old jack magic ♪ has them in a spell ♪ that old jack magic ♪ that he wields so well >> reporter: but she's just too tired to watch all of the inaugural parade. and by inauguration night, doesn't know how she can make it to those five inaugural balls. in the 1960s, the pep pills of the day are amphetamines, readily prescribed by doctors. >> it was time to start getting dressed, i couldn't get out of bed. i just couldn't move. and so i called up dr. travell just frantic. she came running over. and she had two pills, a green one and an orange one, and she told me to take the orange one. so i did and i said, "what is it?" and then she told me it was dexedrine, which i'd never taken in my life -- but -- and that i never have again.

but thank god, it really did its trick because then you could get dressed. and then jack came, and he came upstairs and he brought me down to the red room. we all had a toast of champagne and he did -- he liked how i looked and he said something so nice and we went off to that ball. you know, there's that wonderful picture of him sort of pointing. it was like cinderella and the clock striking midnight. i guess that pill wore off because i just couldn't get out of the car. and so jack said, "you go home now," and he sent me home with that aide. sometimes i thought later i wish i'd been able to sort of share all that night with him. but he had such a wonderful time, and then he must have gotten home about 3:00 or 4:00, but he came in and woke me up. and i slept in the queen's room. he slept in the lincoln room then, so that was his first night in lincoln's bed and -- well, he was just so happy. then the next morning when he woke up, very early, well, i was

awake too, and so i went in that room and it's the sunniest room. you know, we both sat on that bed. i mean, you did again feel like two children. think of yourselves sitting in lincoln's bed. i don't know. and he went off with that wonderful springing step to his office and then again -- life with him was always so fast that it isn't until you look back that you see what happened when. >> reporter: coming up, the reality of life behind those white house doors. >> you really become the kind of wife that you can see that your husband wants. >> reporter: and the woman who signs on for one kind of life and discovers she has to chart another.

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"jacqueline kennedy: in her own words" continues. >> reporter: as the tapes roll, you hear the sound of little john kennedy, age 3, barging in on his mother's conversation with historian arthur schlesinger. >> john, what did you do today? >> i don't know. >> is caroline with you? >> no. no. i want to turn the sound on now. >> reporter: on the tape, his mother remembers the first days when the white house woke up to the tumult of a white house with little children. >> he'd get up a quarter of eight, reading the fifty morning papers. and i always thought it was so funny. for people who used his bathroom, that men could use after dinner, because all along his tub were all these little floating animals, ducks and pink

pigs and things. you'd hear this roar, full blast, of cartoons. this awful exercise man, >> jack lalanne. one, two, three. >> reporter: and he'd be telling caroline and john to do what they were doing, so they'd be lying on the floor. he loved those children tumbling around him in this sort of -- sensual is the only way i can think of it. and then he'd always come in before he went over to the office -- you know, come into my room -- i mean, i'd only be half asleep or else i'd be having breakfast. >> reporter: this was his bedroom, a simple, small bed. at the time, most presidential couples at separate bedrooms. but walk out down a private a hallway and its her bedroom. yards of silk. a canopy. on one side a firm horse-hair mattress to help him with back problems. her favorite photos everywhere. >> you know, jack -- i think a woman always adapts, and

especially if you're very young when you get married. you know, you really become the kind of wife you can see that your husband wants. for instance, my sister's husband loves to bring his problems home, and they're all business, and lee doesn't understand that. i mean, i would have been a terrible wife if i tried to pick his brains about that. you know, jack wanted to do that and talk about things at home, then i'd be asking him questions. >> reporter: one time, she tried to ask him something about vietnam -- >> it was at the end of the day and he said, oh, my god, kid, which was -- i i sounds funny bt i got used to it, it was sort of a term of endearment, that i suppose his family used. he said, i've had that on me all day and i just -- he'd been swimming at the pool and sort of changed into his happy evening mood and he said, don't remind me of that all over again. and i just felt so criminal. and i decided, everyone should

be trying to help jack in whatever way they could and that was the way i could do it the best. by making it always a climate of affection and comfort and detant when he came home. the children in good moods. >> reporter: did she discipline you? >> she just -- >> reporter: can you do it? >> no, i couldn't possibly do it. >> reporter: caroline kennedy remembers, too. >> but i could recognize it if i saw it. and so could john. so, we would laugh about it. we would be like -- i got the look. yeah. >> reporter: but she wanted to make this formal public house a home. taking them out to splash in the fountain. >> and we would get to make phone calls and we could call our grandparents or we could call santa claus. so, it was just the most fun time of the day.

>> reporter: then,, every afternoon, the president would come home for a nap. >> i'd sit around while he got dressed. that was my hour. >> reporter: the two of them finding their way, now that his boundless confidence had taken them to the white house. he manages to push through the peace corps, tripe tries tax re but it stalls. so does health care reform. and then, three months in, confidence shatters. historian michael. >> he was aitting duck for the cia to say, we have this great plan to invade cuba. he didn't have the kind of knowledge that would allow him to say, this is going to be a failure. >> reporter: the bay of pigs. you can sese what's happening from one of his notebooks. the circled words. decision, decision, decision. the eisenhower cia has lurur him into signing off on a plan to

have exiled cubans invade communist cuba and provoke an uprising. he's too green to ask the probing questions and expose that is doomed. the exiles invade. castro is waiting. more than 100 die. 1,200 taken captive. they, so brave, and after all his bold talk, he knows he has left the u.s. looking underhanded and inept. >> it was in the morning -- and he came back over to the white house to his bedroom and he started to cry, just with me. you know, just fororne -- just put his head in his hands and sort of wept. and it was so sad, because all his first 100 days and all his dreams, and then this awful thing to happen. and he cared so much. he didn't care about his hundred days, but all those poor men who

you'd sent off with all their hopes high and promises that we'd back them and there they were, shot down like dogs or going to die in jail. and then bobby came to see me. and said to, you know, "please stay very close to jack." >> victory has a hundred fathers and defeat is an orphan. >> reporter: historian richard reeves. >> the reason he looks so confused and inend is because he didn't know the plan because there was no plan. >> reporter: doris kerns goodwin. >> he changed the structure of the white house after the bay of picks to bring closer into him, to not depend on the generals in the same way. she was able to analyze the various people he was meeting and see, with clinical detachment, almost, what their strengths and their weaknesses were. >> reporter: eventually he negotiated a prisoner release and when the battered cue babab

exiles gathered to honor him, he brings her to speak in words they understand. [ speaki ining foreign language] >> there they were sitting with jack. nothing bitter, just looking on him as their hero. that was one of the most moving things i've ever seen. >> reporter: still ahead -- when she first met the bachelor dazzling washington. how romance met reality and someone we know is about to take revenge. >> i couldn't stop crying for about two days. i love this time of year but my nose doesn't. it gets stuffed up and that means i stay up all night. good mornings? not likely! i've tried the pills, the sprays even some home remedies. then i tried something new. [ male announcer ] drug-free breathe right n nal strips. [ woman ] you just put it on and...amazing!

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"jacqueline kennedy: in her own words" continues. once again, diane sawyer. >> reporter: caroline kennedy at the kennedy library. she gathers some of her favorite things, including a sword she and her brother always loved to play with. >> you o on it up, it's curved. so -- >> reporter: oh. >> this is a bracelet that he picked out for her for their tenth anniversary. >> tenth anniversary. he was so sweet. terribly simple good, sort of a snake. >> and i think it's just so mystical and beautiful.

>> reporter: she always knew inside a vault t tre were tapes her mother made as part of a larger oral history project on the kennedy white house. difficult as it was, after the assassination, she wanted to do her part. >> she felt that jfk had been robbed of the opportunity that most presidents get after they leave office. you write your memoirs, you give speeches defending your administration and so on. she felt that because he couldn't do that, she had to. >> i don't think we should forget president kennedy and all this effort that was made for two and a half years. is it just going to be forgotten or ended? or is it in some way going to be to be able to keep going? >> reporter: car line and her brother read the transcripts. but she could only listen to the tapes recently, saying the years have somehow made it less painful to share her mother with

the world. >> you know when we were early married and then later. >> reporter: because her brother had died, too. the decisions about release were up to her. >> you know, i just don't like her a bit. it always looks like she's been sucking a lemon. >> reporter: when to release them and what to leave in, including the 'causing comments about public people, like martin luther king and lbj. you decided not to edit them. must have been very tempting. >> yeah, it was tempting and i can hear her voice in my mind throughout that decision, which was, like anybody, oh, i can't believe i said that, oh, i wish i added something or i changed my mind later. but i think it's really important to realize the value as well as theheimitations of an oral history and once you start making changes, it's -- what do you do? and it's not my oral history, so i really felt an obligation to

history and carry out what she had done. >> reporter: and so she says she decided that this year, the 50th anniversary of president kennedy's inauguration she would release the tapes. they are in a book called "jacqueline kennedy: historic conversations on life with john f. kennedy." her mother's gift of history, as she wanted it told for him and for the world. >> i think that she also was deeply patriotic. and she really felt that her time in the white house was a privilege and she wanted to do everything she could to both record it and preserve it and be worthy of it. >> reporter: when we come back, a newly wed and political novice tries to master the public life she never planned. >> pretty much in love with him, aren't you?

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"jacqueline kennedy: in her own words" continues. >> jack was young and loved, you know, everything. >> he was the first -- >> elegance, girls, you know, in all the best senses of the word. jack was the most unself-conscious person i've ever seen. he just naturally could be attractive in a crowowor a room. he was unself-conscious about walking around with a towel on. if it fell off or something, you know, he'd put it on again. it was like he had many things in common with so o ny sides of you. everyone found a part of him in jack.

>> reporter: when jacqueline bouvier first met john f. kennedy, he was already war hero who had famously pulled his crew through shark-infested waters to safety on an island. he was also a congressman about to become senator. washington's most eligible bachelor, famously irresistible to women and ready for the conquest. several times he met but barely noticed a shy girl with short, curly hair, working for a newspaper. she was a kind of bookworm, the family beauty was her sister lee who married a polish prince. finally, he asked her out, and she met all those brothers and sisters in his family, so unlike her own. >> the kennedys taught me all this -- jack, really, all this questioning, questioning. you know, if you didn't get on the offensive, they'd have you on the defensive all night. and so these questions he'd ask

me or my sister -- so once i asked him how he'd define himself, , d he said, "an idealist without illusions." >> reporter: his father, joe kennedy, one of the 75 richest men in america, took the shy but witty young girl under his wing. >> i always thought he was the tiger mother. and mrs. kennedy, poor little thing, was running around trying to keep up with this demon of energy, seeing if she had enough placemats in palm beach, or should she send the ones from bronxville, or had she put the london ones in storage. you know, that's what -- her little mind went to pieces, and she loves to say now how she sat around the table and talked to them about plymouth rock and molded their minds. but she was really saying, "children, don't disturb your father!" >> reporter: historian michael besh has. >> these were extroverts. she was an introvert. she once said that perhaps the

kennedy way was better than hers. she said, you know, when bad things happen to the kennedys, they go out to a restaurant, they play touch football, they see their friends. "i, on the other hand, when something bad happens to me," she said, "i tend to go inward in and into a spiral of depression." it was a very big influence on her. >> reporter: and she and thehe dashing congressman had something in common. they both loved reading about great civilizations, people, ideas. >> he'd read walking, at the table, he'd read in the bathtub, he'd prop open a desk while he was doing his tie. >> reporter: and to show her devotion, when he's curious about some history books written french? >> he gave me all these french books and asked me to translate them. and i'd stay up these hot nights translating these books all on ho chi minh.

gosh, i'd have to be married to my contribution of that. >> reporter: but a year and a half had gone by, but he's still opening going out with other women. he's her mother who decides he better choose. >> she was living at my grandmother's, translating all the books and i think he was trying to work it into his busy schedule and then eventually -- her mother was quite clear that they needed to get engaged. >> reporter: and so they married. but from the start, the young political wife has trouble finding the boundary between public and private. >> you want to be with him -- >> yes. >> you're pretty much in love with him, aren't you? >> oh, no. >> reporter: these are outtakes from an nbc interview that never aired. >> i said no, didn't i? >> yes, you did. you want to do it again? >> you are pretty much in love with him, aren't you? >> i suppose so. we certainly got that

impression. >> that's what you're gogog to say, i suppose so? >> i've ruined it, haven't i? >> reporter: at first, she's fascinated, meeting all the people in politics with names you would never find on a social register in duport, like onions burk. >> those names just fascinated me so. you know, sort of to see that world and then go have dinner t at -- >> the ritz. >> john kennedy is something new. >> reporter: but soon, the romance gives way to reality. >> jack was away every weekend. and so you'd have three, four days a week, two of which he'd be tired. >> reporter: tired and he had a series of secret illnesses. a disease of the adrian glands

and the bill stating back pain. he tried radical surgery. and infection brought him near death. >> just seeing jack in pain used to make me so sad all the time. >> in bobby's introduction about half his days on this earth spent in pain. >> yeah. once i asked him, i think this is rather touching, if he could have one wish, what would it be, in other words, you know, to look over, looking back on his life. and he said, i wish i had had more good times. and i thought that wasas such a touching thing to say, because i always thought of him as this enormously glamorous figure, i thought he had millions of gay trips to europe, girls, dancing, everything. and of course he had done a lot of that.

but i suppose what he meant what that he had been in pain so much. and it was awful, the years of campaigning, living on a milkshake and a hot dog. he had also -- stomach troubles. >> stomach? yes. >> reporter: medical reports indicate it may have been colitis. >> he had stomach trouble. all his family has it. obviously it comes from nerves. >> reporter: and another sadness. her young wife knows her husband wants a big family, but first, she has a miscarriage and then, finally, she is eight months pregnant with a daughter she plans to name arabella. they have their first home and she prepared a little nursery. but the doctors don't want her to travel. he heads for a vacation on a

yacht in the mediterranean. >> he flew to europe to stay with his father and just rest a few days in the south of france and i lost the baby and he came back to newport, couple of weeks. when i lost the baby, you know, i made nurseries and everything for there, i didn't want to live there anymore. >> reporter: her brother-in-law, bobby, is there to make the funeral arrangements. it is 1960 and the grueling race for the presidency. with so many people wary of his youth and catholicism. by now, she is the mother of a 2-year-old, caroline, and pregnant with another child. she tries to do what she can. doris kern goodwin. >> they wanted to keep her off the trail in 1960. they thought the country wouldn't take to her.

>> reporter: our country of suburbs, ozzie and harriet. poodle skirts and one kind of cheese. >> that shows he wasn't thinking of his image or he would have made me get a little frizzy perm and be like pat nixon. and he never -- he never would hold hands in public or put his arm around me, because that was natural naturally, the way it was. he didn't do anything for his image. and he used to -- sometimes he would tell me i should wear hats instead of -- all the l letters about, my skirt's too short. but then, i'm too short. and he said, oh, i guess you're right. he never said too lengthen them. he would never ask me to change.

thth was so nice about him. >> reporter: and the morning after they win, in the closest popular vote in history, she doesn't know what hit her. >> you know, it was just a mad house. the press, all those women saying what kind of first lady will you be? that conference in florida where caroline walked in with her shoes on. >> caroline walking in, wearing her mother's shoes. >> reporter: and only 16 days later, after she gives birth to john jr., one month early, mamie eisenhower exacts a kind of revenge on the young first lady, issuing a command invitation while she's still in the hospital. >> and i got out of the hospital by about noon. i didn't want to go. i didn't do anything but walk around the room and -- just to be boring after a cesarean, he's very hard to walk and all that for awhile. like a fool, i said i'd go. i wish i hadn't. they s sd they'd have a

wheelchair and everything. there was never any wieheewheel. you were dragged around, passed all the press. she always referred it to my house and my carpet. and when i got back, i really had a weeping fit. and i couldn't stop crying for about two days. it was something that takes away your last strength when you don't have any left. so, that wasn't very nice of mrs. eisenhower. >> reporter: but life is filled with rivers that carry you where you least expect it. coming up, her triumph. e announcer ] when men don't choose what's right for their face, they can end up with shaving irritation. ♪ get gillette irritation defense shave gel and gillette fusion proglide razor to help defend against five signs of shavininirritation.

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"jacqueline kennedy: in her own worlds" contin words" conti. once again, diane sawyer.r. >> reporter: the new couple is making a mark on the white use. black jazz musicians are now rocking the east room. and she persuades a reluctant pablo cassal, the most famous musician in the world, the great cellist, to play in the east room, too.

state dinners are changing. no more eisenhower cheese sauce and cole slaw. she brings in a professional chef. >> every single one was naked to the waist with a hibiscus in their hair. and you just couldn't believe it. and i caught jack's eye and we were trying not to laugh with each other. he was terribly happy and he would say, this is my second wife and this was -- but he was sort of -- i don't know, he had soft of a lecherous look. >> reporter: but the incessant scrutiny and lack of privacy in the white house is even worse than she imagined. comedian vaughn meter skewers the family in the fastest selling album in u.s. historor >> i'm your wife. i would like to ask the following question -- >> no, speak english, jackie.

>> it's been a long time since a president and his family have been subject to such heavy barrage -- >> i thought it sounded more likeeddy than it did me. >> reporter: again, the president seems to have shock absorbers. she does not. >> i mean, i thought it was so mean. i didn't care if they made fun of me or anything but when they made fun o o little children. >> i had my hand up first. >> you did not. >> i explained that to jack, i just felt so strong ly about those children. it was hard enough protecting them in the kennedy family where some of the cousins, especially eunice's children were so conscious of the position, were always tending. they would play that record, "what does your daddy do?" i hid all those things from my children and always taught them that the white house was sort of temporary. so glad i did, for the way it ended.

>> reporter: but privately, the white house is teaching the new couple the lesson it seems to teach every president and his wife. the oval office is at once so public and so isolating. >> mr. kennedy always said, you can always -- if you can count your friends on five fingers on one hand, you're lucky. >> reporter: she routinely escapes the white house, spending time at a 400 acre estate in virginia where she can ride horses and hide from all the cameras. >> daddy told him, keep her riding and she'll always be in a good mood. >> reporter: and by the way, she never really liked the title first lady. she thought it sounded like -- >> a racehorse, yeah, or a saddle horse, yeah. >> you know, sometimes at the end of the day, you just feel one jump away for teaea but you want to be so cheerful for jack when you came on, which i nearly always was. he could see when it was getting to be a bit too much. >> just the tension of having to

do something so much ofhe day, for a person who was much more used to having space and having time, being able to go and read when she wanted to or read her poetry or write a letter to somebody and maybe it was depression that was being felt, when the tension came or maybe it was just being overloaded. >> we had a white house that looked like a bad convention hotel. windows that were sealed, hadn't been opened in years. she said she felt like a moth banging on the glass of the window. >> reporter: previous administrations had given away or even sold white house antiques. the new couple was mystified by something the eisenhowers left behind. >n the white house, in jack's fice, we thought there were termites. it was from the cleats of his golf shoes. you just couldn't believe. i guess he just walked all around the white house in them. >> reporter: so, she had an idea. maybe she could use all this attention on her to hit up rich people in the country to donate

money and prized antiques to restore the white house. her husband thought it was a political land mine. >> he said, you just can't touch the white house. >> reporter: this was the white house before. all the truman's added was a second story porch. but it created an uproar. yet, for some reason, the usually uncertain political wife said she was going to do it anywayay do you think it surprised him how she emerged in the white house? suddenly? >> i think it surprised her. >> reporter: she made her move on donors. >> you know, people weren't going to give up good pieces of furniture. you'd have 9 cups of tea with some old lady and she'd give you $50. >> reporter: and the girl who loved books and history used her scholarly passion and hours of research, studying engravings, finding the french inspired antiques of monroe and madison. >> she helped america to come of age after world war ii. we were the only superpower in

the world but the symbols didn't look that way. >> reporter: you can see her moments. only the lincoln bedroom, she says, is the one not to be changed. the end result, staggering. these are iconic white house rooms, the east sitting hall before and after. the yellow oval room before and after. and then, she decided she would show the house to americans on tv. it was unprecedented. all three networks, 80 million people watching. a sensational success. >> when we first came here and started searching for old things, we found a pier table in the carpenter shop where it was being used as a saw horse. so, we took six weeks to restore it and then in the men's room downstairs, we found that bust of washington. these two pieces are exactly where monroe had them in the room, which we also learned from

studying old engravings. oh, the white house television tour i used to watch all the time. it was so sweet, theay he was proud of me. i was so happy that i could do something that made him proud of me. because, i tell you, one wonderful thing about him, i was really -- i was never any different once i was in the white house than i was before but suddenly everything that had been a liability before, your ha hair, that you spoke french, that you didn't get adore the campaign and you didn't bake bread with flour up to your arms, everythiwhen we got into e house, all the thingss had done suddenly became wonderful. and i was so happy for jack that he could be proud of me then. because, you know, it made him so happy. it made me so happy. those were our happiest years. >> reporter: and suddenly, in that room so long ago, something happened.

when she's talking aboutut happiness, we notice the tape stops, just for a minute before starting again. we are left to wonder why. what went on in that silence? what did the interviewer see in her eyes? still ahead tonight, what does she say about that man and that marriage? and the least likely conquerer does her part to claim the american century. these nasal allergies are spoiling our picnic. i know what works differently than many other allergy medications. omnaris. omnaris, to the nose. did you know nasal symptoms like congestion can be caused by allergic inflammation? omnaris relieves your symptoms by fighting inflammation. side effects may include headachche, nose bleed, and sore throat. got allergy symptoms out of my way. now life's a picnic. [ man ] omnaris. ask your doctor. battling nasal allergy symptoms? omnaris combats the cause.

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>> reporter: as we return, jacqueline kennedy is about to begin a new journey of

discovering. more of the tapes held in a vault for decades and released in a new book. she is talking to her friend, historian arthur schlesinger, four months after her husband's assassination. her children playing in the background. >> is caroline with you? >> no, no. i want to turn the sound on now. >> reporter: we are already learned that this most mysterious first lady, who did not give interviews in her lifetime, in fact, thought she was a liability to the most accomplished political family in america, the kennedys. >> i'd said, oh, jack, you know, i'm so sorry for you that i'm such a dud. >> she had been shy, raised in newport society, loved books, her privacy and the most eligible bachelor in washington. >> yak was the most unself-conscious person i've ever seen. he was unself-conscious about walking around with a towel on. >> reporter: at the white house, she tried to raise her children

under all that scrutiny. their playground? the fountaininn the south lawn. and she tried to be there for her husband as he fought back pain and then devastating failure of the bay of pigs. >> just put his head in his hands and he started to cry. >> reporter: as we resume the tapes, she has just started to find her voice, surprising tour.one with that white house >> we had such a great civilization, so many foreigners don't realize it. >> reporter: she's ready to make her move on the world. as reresume, jacqueline kennedy has become an object of complete scination in america. >> every item shown is examines in the light of the new first lady's taste. >> reporter: women want to entertain as she does. there is even a 30% increase in college students trying to learn french. and we are a nation of bouffant hair and pill box hats, all the way to the flintstones. >> hthere's that jackie

kennel-rock look. >> reporter: did the clothes matter to her? because all of america -- >> was obsessed. i know. i always remember watching "mr. ed" and the women on the show were always trying to look like mommy. i thought it w w so hilarious. she liked to look nice, but it they were important for what she was trying to accomplish. >> reporter: it was something the kennedy family probably never foresaw. the political novice has become their biggest political asset. >> it was the first time we had a first lady who in any way resembled a movie star. in a subtle way, she understood how powerful that could be. >> reporter: she had read all those books showing that great civilizations conquer not with military power but the power of their culture. here, she describes the reaction on their first trip to mexico. >> it looked like a pink

snowstorm. and they keep thinking of new things to shout. viva los kennedy. everything. >> reporter: she is determined to claim the new century for america, taking on the french titan of world war ii, general charles de gaulle. >> de gaulle was my hero when i married jack. i told him how much jack admired him. made it up completely. >> reporter: flattery who now she discovers is a cranky snob. >> i think he was so full of spite. >> reporter: but you'd never know what she's really thinking. >> i loathe the french. there's not one french person that i can think of except maybe two very simple people. you know, they're really not very nice. they're all for themselves. >> reporter: as the president campaigned with de gaulle to get

a nuclear non-proliferation treaty, she has a campaign of her own. >> i'd ask him things of history, like, who did louis xvi marry, things like that. >> reporter: and when the white house assumes about a young provinceal. >> and he asks me -- in very slow french that you would say to someone that might not speak it, and i was just so proud, you know, it was strike one for our side. yeah, a first run for our side. >> reporter: she is such a success in paris that when the meetings are orver, de gaullele announces that he's re-evaluated his opinion of the president. >> i am the man who accompanied jacqueline kennedy to paris, and i've enjoyed it.

>> you could not imagine him ever saying anything like that at any earlier stage of his career. >> later that evening, the prime minister and his daughter arrive at the white house. >> reporter: next onon her list? naru of india. >> when he gets bored with you, heaps his fingertips together, looks up atthe ceiling. and jack said he'd be there but ten minutes when he started to look up at the ceiling. >> reporter: she and her sister lee charm him on a trip to india, despite the open contempt of his daughter who is insulted that it is only the first lady who comes, not the president. >> she is a real prune, bitter kind of pushy,orrible woman. you know, i just don't like her a bit. always looks like she's been sucking a lemon. >> reporter: back in washington, the president takes on u.s. steel for raising prices in a

weak economy and declares america will win the race to the moon. but the stress means his old back problems return. >> president is on crutches. >> reporter: he sat at his desk without moving for six weeks. he didn't walk around the driveway, he didn't swim. and suddenly his back went back. he lost all the muscle tone. so, then, it was awful, because he was really in pain. he was full of novocain and finally we got -- oh -- out. >> why? >> it was the boat that relaxed us the most. and jack was sitting in the back in a black sweater, the wind blowing his hair. blissfully happy with fish chowder. and i was inside with two blankets on and drinking hot soup. that's how cold it was. hall just -- you know, everyone loved that boat, because that was his away from care.

he really taught caroline how to swim. he was saying, come on, you can make it. and he told her all these stories. he'd make up the white shark and the black shark and -- >> he would make people throw their socks over and the socks would disappear and he would say, see, see the purple shark, look, he got, the sock is gone, and i would say, i see, i see, i just saw. mommy took a lot of notes about those stories, which i have, which haare great. >> when ever jack saw it was getting me down, he would send me away. not exactly, but he would say, why don't you go to new york, see your sister? i thought, i can go out,t, go ta restaurant in new york, go down a street and look in an antique shop, go to a nightclub. you know, you've heard of the twist or something, you know, t that you care and i don't want to go more than once a year, but jack couldn't get out.

>> reporter: she throws parties at the white house to bring new york laughter and hold ily wo wooder rev ranls to him, and then, late at night -- >> when you be in bed, play records sometimes. >> reporter: including the broadway hits. >> that once there was a fleeting wisp of glory called "ca "camelot." >> reporter: and on the tape, she says, every night, before the lights would go t, as he did since childhood, he'd say a prayer. >> i often used to think whether it was superstition or not. i mean -- you know, he wasn't quite sure but if it was that way, he wanted to have that on his side. i know he wasn't about atheist or an agnostic. he never missed church one sunday. though, he did believe in god, but he didn't -- like all of us, you don't really start to think about those things until

something terrible happens to you. and you know, i think -- i think gold's injust now and i think he might have thought that. >> reporter: still ahead, her startling drips of their marriage. and the pledge she gives him on the brink of nuclear war. if something is simply the color of gold, is it really worth more? we don't think so. chase sapphire preferred is a card of a different color. unlike others, you get twice the points on travel, and twice the points on dining, and no foreign transaction fees. call now or apply at chasesapphire.com/preferred. and these are the ones you'll love on a school night. pillsbury crescent dogs with just a few ingredients

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"jacqueline kennedy: in her own words" continues. once again, diane sawyer. >> reporter: most historians agree the closest the u.s. has ever come to all-out annihilating nuclear war was 1962, the cuban missile crisis. brought about by a ruthless soviet dictator, maskquerading s a jolly russian pes sant. >> just one gag after another. it's like sitting next to abbott and costello or something. >> reporter: his wife is a communist, too, in the words of general de gaulle -- >> she who is the craftiest of

the two. yeah. she was a bit maud lean, i thought. if you smoke, they say you shouldn't smoke so much. russian women don't smoke or, do you go to engine, did you go to engineering school, you know, always trying to make themselves seem better, i suppose it was a chip on their shoulder. >> reportete at the first meeting, she tried to create some kind ofconnection, while other dinner partners talked to him about wheat yields, she talked about the culture of the ukraine. >> i loved all that, and the dance. an and he said something about, oh, yes, the ukraine has a -- now we have more teachers there per something and more wheat and i was like, mr. president, don't bore me with that, i think the romantic side is so much -- >> reporter: it was a conversational hail mary that made her bring up the docks who had traveled on the russian

triumph in space, sputnik. >> and then i knew the names of the dogs and so i said, i see one of your space dogs has just had puppies. and he just sort of laughed and by god, we were back in washington about two months later and two absolutely ashen face russians come staggering into the oval room with the ambassador carrying this poor, tur if ied puppy who had obviously never been out of a laboratory and jack said to me, i had forgotten to tell him that, he said, how did this dog get here? d i said, well i'm afraid i ask eed him about it. and he said, you played right into his hand. but he laughed.

>> reporter: laughing. though no one is fooled. >> to say after vianna that he really is a gangster. >> reporter: after vienna, the out of his league.nnedy had been that the meeting was like little boy blue meeting al capone. kruschev had savaged him. everyone certain that a test would come for a president that showed the vulnerability at the bay of pigs. >> he said it's going to be a cold winter. he said that in -- then i think you'd see just naked brutal ruthless power and kruschev saw that perhaps he could -- thought he could do what he wanted with jack. >> reporter: first, there was the armed standoff in germany. and then -- there they were. satellite foe taupes in cuba revealing soviet missiles pointing right at america's heart, just 90 miles away.

>> call came through from jack and he said, i'm coming back to washington this afternoon, why don't you come back there. but there was just something funny in his voice. he w it was just so unlike him. i could tell from his voice something was wrong. i could hear them talking through the door and i went up and listened and eavesdropped. i hear mcthnamara saying something, i thought, i mustn't listen, and then i went away. but from then on, it seemed like this was no waking or sleeping and i just don't know which day is which. >> reporter: you can see the president's calendar, meeting after meeting with national security advisers, his notes showing how he is thinking, missile, missile, missile. >> we will not risk the cost of worldwide nuclear war, in which

even the fruits of victory would be ashes in our mouth. but neither will we shrink from that risk at any time it must be faced. >> reporter: for 13 days, the president, who famed to ailed te right questions at the bay of pigs, resisted pressure from the military and instead navigated the hair pin decision as he tried to avoid a cataclysm. >> i'm worried for my kids, mostly. >> are you planning on building a shelter? >> no. i don't think there will be time. >> that's the time i've been the closest to him. and i never left the house or saw the children and when he came home, if it was for sleep or for nap, i would sleep with him. i'd walk by his office all the time and sometimes he would take me out, it was funny, for a walk around the lawn a couple of times. he didn't very often do that. we'd just walk quietly and go back in. it was just this vigil.

i said, please don't send me away to camp david, you know, me and the children. please don't send me anywhere. if anything happens, we're all going to stay right here with you. and even if there's not room in the bomb shelter in the white house. i said, please, then i just want to be on the lawn. i just want to be with you and i want to die with you and the children do, too. don't want to live without you. >> reporter: in the end, a combination of negotiating skill in the kennedy white house and a secret deal to move u.s. missiles out of turkey near russia diffused the tension. historians consider it a high point of the administration. and afterwards, the president decided to give everyone central to those days, a calendar, marking the 13 days of the crisis. he surprised his wife by giving her one. and she says on the tape she burst into tears. in a moment, their marriage.

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. it's a challenge of an oral history to search for the context of the time and the truth.

you may have heard some quotes from jacqueline kennedy about mar ttin luther king. j. edgar hoover told the president he was involved at a lot of parties with sex. >> i said, oh, jack, that man is such a phony. and jack said, oh, well. he would never judge anyone in any sort of way. he never said anything against marlin luther king. >> reporter: what you may not know, he planted another rumor with bobby kennedy. >> bobby told me that martin luther king made fun of jack's funeral. he really is a tricky person. >> reporter: congressman john lewis, legendary figure in king's civil rights movement. >> j. edgar hoover, he despised dr. king. he wanted to destroy the man. >> various disputes if it's king

on the tapes or not. robert kennedy thought it was. >> if you asked her what she thought of him overall, she admired him. >> reporter: and there are caustic comments about another person of the time. i think people are going to think of those comments about lyndon johnson and think, oh, my god. >> she was fond of lyndon johnson and really loved lady byrd. >> reporter: there she is talking about lbj's drinking and saying as haven't, he was barely there. >> lyndon as vice president didn't just do anything. but it was all right. it was fine. rrl aga . >> reporter: again, four months after her husband's assassination. she doesn't think johnson is keeping control of laos and vietnam. >> so, that's the way chaos starts. >> and i think she actually liked lbj at times. but will he be able to stand up in a crisis? so, that was an interesting prof

if i at the time. >> reporter: and keep in mind, bobby is going to mount his own campaign for president. >> bobby and lbj had this mortal hatred. >> reporter: so, she and bobby kennedy are determined to make sure lyndon johnson doesn't take credit for her husband's legacy. >> talking about lyndon, and people will think i'm better, but i'm not so bitter now. but i just want it to be put in context the kind of president jack was and the kind lyndon is. >> reporter: still ahead, that marriage that has intrigued us for decades. and the fragile young widow who bears a nation's grief. [ female announcer ] this is not a prescription. this is edith and ellen. i was the first-born... i got married first... i had children first... and i'm the first to get this haircut. i was the first to get a flu shot. you didn't make an appointment yet. don't need one at walgreens. strolled right in and got my flu shot early from my walgreens pharmacist. they're all specially trained.

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hear what mrs. kennedy says on the tapes back in 1964, when she saw women on television, asserting their own popor, but believed they were on a kind of can sural suicide mission. >> treason does not -- >> reporter: political wife and warrior, south vietnam's formidable mad dam nu. and there's the celebrated playwright who wrote "the women." glamorous, but tough. mrs. kennedy has a conversation with the president. >> mad dam nu, once i asked him, why are these women, like her and claire, who both obviously are attractive to men, why do they have this year thing for p power? she was everything that jack found, that i find attractive in a woman. he said, it's strange, because they resent getting their power through men. and so they become really just hating men. whatever you call that.

like claire. i wouldn't be surprised if they >> what have you done for the women according to the promises of the platform? >> well, i'm sure we haven't done enough, and -- >> this is just my own sort of psychology, but that jack so obviously demanded from a woman a relationship between a man and a woman where a man would be, you know, the leader and a woman would be his wife and look up to him as a man. i always thought. >> reporter: she's talking about those that supported adelaide stephenson for president. >> it was a different kind of man. so -- you know, all these sort of twisted poor little women whose lives hadn't worked out could find adelaide and jack made them nervous. but i mean in my marriage, i

could never conceive, and, remember, i said it in an interview at once, all these women, we get the letters, they said, where do you get your opinions? i said, i get them all from my husband. i mean, how could i have any political opinions? his were going to be the best. it was really victorian, the relationship we had. which i think is the best. i get tired of being emotional about it. whether it was a politician or newspaper person that would, you know, be unfair, but he always treated it so objectively. as if they were people on a chess board, which is right. you may need to work with them again later. it's the only way to be effective. which is one reason, i think, women should never be in poli c politics. they're just not suited to it. >> reporter: japanese wives. did you wince at some of them? >> oh, yeah, sure. and she would have. >> reporter: women are too

emotional for politics. >> yeah, i know. that's obviously not the mother that i remember later on and she was a huge booster of women in politics and women in the workplace, so -- i think this is, as i said, very much a moment in time. >> so, part of it was that she was so young and part of it was a sort of kind of romantic view of what a woman should be that to our modern years sounds like, oh, no, you don't really believe that. and especially when we know she becomes jackie o later, a woman absolutely in her own right. >> reporter: and there is something else that seems to echo throughout, as we listen to the tapes. what we have now read about other women in and out of the white house, in and out of their lives, from hollywood starso women in washington and women with shadowy and dangerous ties. >> she must have known something at the time. clearly you had to know then that something was going on.

women know these things. there's no way you are as perceptive of jackie and you're in the middle of a party and he's suddenly gone that you don't note what must be going on. so, you either decide that you're going to stay with it or you fight about it and you don't talk about it. >> i always thought there was one thing merciful about the white house, this made up for the goldfish bowl and the secret service and all that, that it was kind of -- you were sealed. there was something protective against the outside world. >> reporter: we readadbout others in this marriage. ever talk to you, say anything? >> i think that was really between them, you know? i wouldn't be her daughter if i was going to share all that. >> reporter: anything more? >> well, i know it's something that people are incredibly interested in and that's just

something that i've grown up with. i couldn't begin to answer what people think because there's something new all the time. >> what would she have gained by becoming one of these confessional persons that went out and talked about, oh, it was so hard, it was terrible, i was hurt. i think she carried her dignity right with her to the grave and i think peoplele admired her fo that. >> reporter: but it's one thing to stay sigh leapt and preserve your dignity and another to live with that reality. there are so many act big was references on the tapes to mysterious fatigue, depression, sadness. >> he'd always send you away when he knew you were tired. and then you'd come back, so happy again. i always think our life was a renewal of love after, you know, brief separations. quoted of having said to a e was friend, whoever they were, the others? i was the one he ved. i always knew that.

>> i think she really was happy. she loved my father and i think she knew that he loved her and i think that as she became a greater and greater asset, in the world as well as that they became closer. and so i think that their marriage really was, became happier and happier. and continued after his death to do everything she could to really celebrate and recognize how extraordinary she thought he was. >> i think now that he's dead and the different people who come to me, you think he belonged to so many people and each of them thought they had him completely. and he loved each one just the way love is inif i fit of a mother for their children so, he loved the irish, he loved his family, he loved me and my sister and the world that had nothing to do with politics.

he loved us all. i don't feel any jealousy. he had each of you, he really kept his life so in compartments. and the wonderful thing was evererne and everything in those compartments was ready to die for him. >> reporter: coming up, his haunting words. is is true? [ lucy ] yeah it's true! [ gabor ] it's true -- gabriella uses it! so it's a treatment? no, it's a toothpaste! so it really whitens? whiter teeth in 1 week... [ female announcer ] new colgate optic white toothpaste. it has the same whitening ingredient as strips. [ timea ] so, how does it look? [ lucy ] see for yourself! ♪ it's the hottest thing in whitening! [ woman ] her smile is amazing! [ man ] it's gorgeous! [ female announcer ] new colgate optic white. same whitening ingredient as strips. whiter teeth in one week.

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1963, in the white house, president and mrs. kennedy are studying the portraits of abraham lincoln. >> it is the burdens. the way you look at lincoln's pictures over the years, how much tired and old he got. you can see that in jack's pictures. >> reporter: president kennedy asked a lincoln historian -- >> would lincoln have been as great a president if he'd lived? he said that was his question. >> reporter: kennedy thinks he knows the answer. > what was better for lincol is when he died that he did.

and jack said after the cuban missile crisis when it all turned out so fantastically he said, well, if anyone is ever going to shoot me, this is the day they should do it. >> oh, really? >> he said, nothing can top this. >> reporter: as the first term is almost ending, they start to dream about their future, some day, getting away from the pressures of the white house. >> just toward the end, jack was thinking about being either publisher of a great paper or -- i don't know, bundy said to me the other night that he thought he might have ended up in television or something. just made me so sad because jack could have had his happiest years later. >> reporter: still, so much to do. >> i take pride in the words -- >> reporter: now, his nucucar test ban treaty has passed. his poverty initiatives under way.

>> just seen the good things. the civil rights bill. we were going to go to kentucky sometime and, i know it was mentioned. >> yeah. >> that's it. i just wish he could have seen more good things come in. >> reporter: but there's a campaign for re-election ahead. >> and he was just praying it would be goldwater he wants to run against. he used to say, let barry alone, he's doing just fine. >> reporter: t ty had other happy news. she was pregnant again. but then, in august -- >> patrick kennedy died at 4:04 a.m. >> reporter: patrick, born one month early, died when he was just two days old. >> he just sobbed and put his arms around me. >> reporter: in november,

they're ready to head out again, more hot dogs and hand shakes. >> tampa, dallas. >> reporter: and something new for them. he wanted her opinion of a policy report. >> on november 20th, usually he never brought anything home to show me from his office. and he said, this is the most fascinating readinin and he said, read it. and so i took it to texas with me. i never read it. >> reporter: they went tootexas, because he's introduced a civil rights bill and 's causing a huge rift. texas governor john connelly meets them. as ever, she's a tigress about anyone criticizing her husband and she's heard that connelly is gossiping about her husband's addison's disease. >> the day before jack died in texas, i said to him, i just can't stand governor connelly. i can't stand his soft mouth. he was s s pleased with himself and he would spend all our times in the carteling ja inin ining

jack those things. jack would just sort of take it. >> reporter: she wears one of her favorite suits. it's a copy of a chanel. she had it copied by an american tailor. >> when i said that, jack, so sweet, he sort of rubbed my back. it was as if we were going to bed, he said, you musn't say that. if you think you hate somebody, the next day, you'll act as if you hate them. we've come down toto texas hereo heal everything up. and you would make it all impossible. and you know, jack, you mustn't think that about people. >> this is dallas, november 22 pd. president john k. kennedy was shot and killed here today. period. the president suffered a massive gunshot wound in the brain and was pronounced dead at 1:00 p.m.

central standard time. with no one -- i'm sorry. with no one attending him but physicians and nurses, he died without regaining consciousness or uttering a word. period. paragraph. >> reporter: she has told writer t.h. white what she remembers. the blazing sun, the sound of the bullet. the puzzled look on her husband's face. comenly in the front seat, also hit, yelling "no, no, no." she remembers trying to gasp a piece of her husband's skull as it flew away. she notices an eerie disson nance of his blood and those red roses. we do not hear jacqueline kennedy speak of those details on the tape. by every account, reliving it even once had been too painful. on air force one, the new widow is still wearing the blood-st n blood-stained suit when lyndon

johnson is sworn in. >> constitution of the united states. >> constitution of the united states. >> so help me god. >> so help me god. >> reporter: johnson calls her mother-in-law rose. no tears. every inch a kenneded >> i know you loved jack and he loved you. >> reporter: and then, she doesn't know the line has been disconnected. >> good-bye. good-bye. good-bye. >> reporter: over the next two days, no one can imagine where she summons the strength to watch over every detail of her husband's funeral. she read ablin conabout lincoln funeral, the caisson drawn by six white horses. and though the secret service begged her not to walk out in the open, she walked anyway. his brothers walked. and 19 heads of state walked, led by general charles de gaulle, who wanted to show

respect.t. it was her gift to him. when you look at those images of her standing there, carrying the grief for a whole nation, at her age. two days planning. is it just stronger stuff? >> you know, she was my mother and i knew her but i think that she did it for him, and she knew she didn't have a choice. >> reporter: she said that you were there holding her hand like a soldier. as the tapes resume, she does talk about the weeks after the assassination, how she let many of their glittering old friends drift away. >> so many of the others, i can't bear to see because jack's lacking. >> reporter: when night at midnight, she writes a consoling friend. "sometimes i become so bitter, only alone. i don't tell anyone." and when he little son john saw

a photo of president kennedy in dallas in that car, he said, "close your eyes, mommy." while she's taping, he wanders in. >> john, you went to the airport today. >> yeah. >> did you like it? >> yes. >> john -- john. what happened to your father? >> he's gone to heaven. >> he's gone to heaven? >> yeah. >> do you remember him? >> yeah. >> what do you remember? >> i remember -- i don't remember anything. >> reporter: another letter to a friend. "i always keep thinking of camelot, which is overly sentimental, but i know i'm right. for one brief shining moment, there was camelot. it will never be that way again." and in soo many ways, the remaining years of her life will be alone.

in 1968, robert kennedy is assassinated. she married aristotle onassis in a desperate bid to protect her children and get them out of the country. but she comes home, and surprisingly, becomes a woman of the modern world, working as a editor, living among the books she adored. even telling "ms magazine," it's sad so many women of her generation were never encouraged to use the full power of their minds. when we come back, we tell you the last words on the tape. [ male announcer ] somewhere, there's a perfectly good lasagna being sent to the back of a freezer.

shoved behind the icebox, next to some leftover meatloaf and one frosty-looking microwave diet meal. and it's all because someone said "tacos."" old el paso. when you gotta have mexican. you make it striking. minds. you make it come alive. we make it swing. ♪ you make it all stand out. with hundreds of designers at jcpenney, you're always set to find the look that can only be you. ♪ jcpenney

there's so many choices. the guests come in and they're like yeah i want to try this shrimp and i want to try this kind and this kind.

they wait for this all year long. [ male announcer ] it's endless shrimp today at red lobster. your favorite shrimp entrees, like garlic shrimp scampi or new sweet and spicy shrimp. as much as you like any way you like for just $15.99. [ trapp ] creating an experience instead of just a meal that's endless shrimp. my name is angela trapp. i'm a server at red lobster and i sea food differently. 17 years ago, jacqueline kennedy died of nonhodgkin's lymphoma. her brother-in-law eulogized her. >> no one else looked like her, spoke like her, wrote like her or was so original in the way she did things. no one we knew ever had a better sense of self. >> reporter: she was 64, a grandmother. but she did not know that five years later her son, john, would die when his plane crashed into the ocean.

he was 39. caroline, left t tguard their memories. she hears their voices still in her head. >> if i'm in a situation, i can sort of imagine what she would be thinking right now. and so -- and the same goes for my brother, even more for him in a way. so when i find myself in a situation that it seems peculiar, i definitely think about what they would think. at their take would be. or how they'd get through it. >> reporter: what's the message she would most want to send about her life? >> well, i think she thought of life as a great adventure. fell in love with somebody who broadened her experience immeasurably, and she created words beyond that. and i think she did that, really, by being true to herself. >> among the first ladies of the 20th century, probably only eleanor roosevelt had a greater impact on americans. >> she walked on that stage with

brilliance and that she was something. >> she was our queen. she was our star. >> reporter: eight and a half hours of audiotape later -- >> i'm running out of superlatives now. >> it's time to stop for the day. >> yeah. >> reporter: the conversation is ending. she talks about how easily her husband can sleep. jack lean buv bouvier kennedy starts to fade back into history, and then, the tape goes still. and a reminder, there are eight and a half hours of tape in the book. we could only cover a small portion tonight. there will be more on "nightline" later. and tomorrow on "good morning america." we're so grateful you joined us. and all day long, we've been ue