check in for "good morning kids, but you don't have any america." kids. >> no, i don't have any kids they're working while you're and -- i mean i did, but they left me. sleeping and we're always online they left me. >> jimmy: when the fire hit the at abcnews.com. farm, they hit the road. have a great weekend. >> yes, yes, the fire. tonight on "jimmy kimmel >> jimmy: speaking of kids, what do you do on halloween? do you go out? do you stay home and give out live." candy or anything like that? zach galifianakis. >> i give out candy to kids all the time. >> >> jimmy: aat what point did you decide to be in show >> jimmy: that's nice. business. >> about ten minutes ago. >> jimmy: there has to be an >> in my van that plays ice easier way for the president to cream truck music. get medical marijuana than fly out to california. >> dicky: mike judge and music from prims. halloween, no, this halloween i hxdxapaw u don't think -- but a couple halloweens ago i was at my friend matt's house, and we were -- we were watching trick or treaters and giving candy, and these kids came to the door, and one of the kids was an african-american kid, and he had like a bow tie on and like horn-rimmed glasses from the '50s, and he was like, trick

or treat, this black kid, and my friend looks at him and goes, oh, malcolm x, and the kid goes, no, i'm a nerd. racially profiling a 7-year-old. >> jimmy: he may have been reading a little too much into it. >> yeah, exactly. if a chinese kid comes, ask him if he's mao tse-tung. >> jimmy: have you ever run into anyone dressed as you for halloween? >> i have. a couple years ago i was in albuquerque, new mexico, and -- [ laughter ] i couldn't remember if they switched states. i was in albuquerque, and i was at a halloween party and there was a guy dressed as the character from "the hangover," and i walked up to him and i went, you're me. and he goes, yeah, right and just walked away.

[ laughter ] >> he totally didn't believe me which i find quite rude. >> jimmy: i can see how you would feel that way. by the way, i want to say your television show "bored to death which i enjoy thoroughly just came back to hbo and -- >> that's -- >> jimmy: you're working with jason schwartzman and ted danson. ♪ >> yeah, they're good men. ted danson is always trying to like -- he's very hip. and he's always trying to be youthful on the set, and i heard him say, oh, snap. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" >> jimmy: you did? >> and it was his knee. just his knee. >> jimmy: it was his knee. zach galifianakis, everybody. his movie "puss in boots" opens friday. his show "bored to death" on >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy. hbo. we'll be right back with i'm the host of the show. mike judge. [ applause ] [ male announcer ] if you're only brushing, thanks for joining us here. we had the week off last week. i -- that was good for me.

i was able to catch up on my baby dolling. great to be back. have you been watching the world series of baseball? baseball isn't as popular as it used to be. it needs to start dating a kardashian or something. they played game five tonight in add listerine® total care for more complete oral care. texas, the rangers against the ♪ cardinals. former president bush used to it works in six different ways to restore enamel... own them in college. strengthen teeth... last night he threw out the freshen breath... help prevent cavities... ceremonial first pitch. and kill bad breath germs for a whole mouth clean. so go beyond the brush with listerine® total care, it's high and what do you think the most complete mouthwash. now get all the benefits... without the alcohol. new listerine® total care zero. president bush does all day. angry birds?

i knew the day would come where i would be forced to choose between baseball and rob kardashian dancing. i just didn't anticipate it would come so soon. monday night football, jacksonville and baltimore. so the nfl did something clever to try to bring the dancing with the stars audience over to the game. look at this here. ♪ won't you stand up, stand up, stand up ♪ ♪ won't you stand up, you girls and boys? ♪ [ male announcer ] our heroes. for their service and sacrifice, we will honor them always. a penalty marker is down. this veterans day, all veterans >> he looks like a crazy man. and active duty military eat free at applebee's. he needs more passion. more sex appeal. stand up and share your thanks at thankyoumovement.com. i want to see his inner -- 15-yard penalty. [ male announcer ] introducing mio. a revolutionary water enhancer. add a little...add a lot. touchdown. yes. for a drink that's just the way you like it. >> jimmy: you see what they did.

had judge bruno. make it yours. make it mio. if there's anything i learned from the new "footloose" remake, it's a sin. once with their partner and once in a team dance. i'm still not sure which team chaz bono is on. but chaz got the lowest score of the 19. 19 out of 30. by the way, is it my imagination but has he not lost one pound this season. dirty mouth, huh? what have you been up to? go! go! go! go! go! go! go! go! he's the hurley. yay! yay! yay! yay! j.r. martinez and ricki lake go! go! go! go! go! go! go! go! go! go! go! go! tied. if you're a "dancing with the neighbor. stars" fan looking for a he didn't do nothin'. celebrity to vote for making that can be difficult sometimes orbit. for a good clean feeling. so allow me to suggest david no matter what. or". david or" has style, charisma and most importantly i bet $1,000 on him to win. i did, i gamble on dancing.

the saddest addiction you can have. >> much more action happening online. already number one on amazon. >> jimmy: beaten unconscious with an iphone. actually a guy named benji who works for the howard stern show. pretty representative. president obama visited los angeles tonight. i don't get that. there's got to be an easier way for the president of the united states to get medical marijuana than fly out to california. he went to one dinner party with will smith and another at melanie griffith.

over the weekend in indiana. former is the survivor" conte contestant. he announced he's running for governor. if he doesn't get elected governor, i think he has a pretty good shot at winning wrestle mania. >> i am seeking the libertarian party's nomination for governor of indiana. [ cheers and applause ] there are a lot of issues facing hoosiers now. i am ready to stand up and face them all. >> jimmy: great. i tell you one thing. he won't be squandering the taxpayers' money on haircuts or

shampoo. some people aren't taking rupert seriously because he's rupert from "survivor," but i don't think his opponent should underestimate him. the man has been on "survivor" three times. they're running an ad that i for going over 2 gigabytes of data. find to be very persuasive. t-mobile slows down your data speed. with sprint you don't get charged extra >> rupert boneham for governor, vote for him or he'll hug you. paid for by rupert boneham. >> yeah! and you don't slow down. >> jimmy: because he smells probably. and you get unlimited data, i don't know. i've never been near him. text and calling to any mobile -- for only $79.99. reality stars -- i like they're running for office now. the best unlimited plan...wins. i mean i really -- make the most of unlimited data with a brilliant screen one day my dream of a president snooki might become a reality. on a pencil thin phone. this is an odd story. introducing the samsung galaxy s ii epic 4g touch. one of john lennon's teeth is trouble hearing on the phone? visit sprintrelay.com. going up for auction in england. i guess the tooth fairy is finally cashing in, and it's a [ male announcer ] introducing mio. molar he gave his housekeeper as a revolutionary water enhancer. a gift. either that or he said throw add a little...add a lot. this out and she didn't speak for a drink that's just the way you like it. english, i don't know but she has it and she's telling it. make it yours. make it mio. regis and kelly were talking about it on their show this morning and they mentioned at red lobster. there's so many choices... the guests love it!

another [ male announcer ] it's endless shrimp today at red lobster. renowned collectors of as much as you like any way you like, peculiar auction items. >> here's some other things that all for $15.99. have other interesting things offer ends soon. that have sold in the past. clippings of elvis presley's my name is angela trapp, hair sold in 2009 for $15,000. and i sea food differently. yes. jimmy kimmel bought [ male announcer ] little owen wanted to play, but his nose was raw and sore. achoo! late actor [ male announcer ] and common tissue gary coleman's size 12 xl made it burn even more. ♪ regular gap kid sweatpants in puffs plus lotion is more soothing than common tissue, 2008 for -- oh, no. >> jimmy: it was his knee. for every nose issue. there were fake bids as high as $400,000. they don't tell us what jimmy kimmel actually paid. a nose in need deserves puffs plus lotion indeed. >> i thought jimmy was a little taller than gary coleman. >> i think he just wanted to to give your cold a comforting scent, have them maybe. >> he wanted to have gary try puffs plus lotion with the scent of vicks. coleman's sweatpants. >> we're not sure why. >> interesting about that jimmy kimmel guy. >> jimmy: why wouldn't you want to have gary coleman's sweatpants? and by the way, not only do i own gary coleman's pants, they proudly hang in our studio here every night. you don't get to see this unless you're here visiting, but when he -- we put them up, and then and...a travel toothbrush.

we thought we would take them down, and then he passed away, [ cellphone rings ] hello. you get modern warfare 3 yet? and i didn't have the heart to take them down. of course. been playing. well, i've been all around the world. so there they will hang for all right now i'm playing the new york map...in new york. of eternity. hey, speaking of eternity, you what? know, the world yea, i flew to new york and got the game an hour before you. was supposed to end on friday. if you're in new york, i don't think it did, though. how many toes does the statue of liberty have? the guy that said it was going uhhh...ten. to end is a christian radio host named harold camping. dang, you are there. this is harold camping. [ male announcer ] rated "m" for mature. get call of duty: modern warfare 3 he also had the colts in the at 12:01 november 8th. the best way to play is xbox 360, under last night so it was a tough weekend for him all the fastest way to play is walmart. around. harold camping is the guy who predicted the apocalypse was going to happen back in may, and i don't think that one happened either. well, you know what they say, vo: a breakfast worth waking up for. the third apocalypse is the charm. enjoy the sausage, egg and cheese croissan'wich today. maybe he should start with something easier to predict like only at burger king. the five-day forecast in phoenix or something, then move on to the apocalypse. but this is reported to be the 12th time mr. camping has predicted the end of the world. the first time was in 1978 and he keeps doing -- not only is he bad at predicting

things, but he's kind of a bummer to hang out with. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this is interesting. the bbc has a new seven-part documentary series called "frozen planet" where they follow animals around with cameras, similar to what they do with paris hilton. and this one looks at life in the arctic and antarctic. the first episode this week focuses on penguins, and it's pretty great to watch. i didn't know they did a whole movie about penguins. male penguins attract a mate by building the biggest possible nest, not unlike the way it works in the human world. and sometimes when a good penguin is trying to build his nest, a bad penguin sneaks in and tries to steal his rocks. >> it takes stones of all shapes and sizes to build a decent nest, and finding ones that are just right is not easy. ♪ >> so some penguins turn to a life of crime. ♪

♪ >> jimmy: that's what you get. most adorable episode of it ever. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: one more thing. halloween is one week from tonight. >> jimmy: hi there. if you're going to a party, you we're back. zach galifianakis is here with better figure out a costume or us. you'll be stuck wearing a salad primus is on the way. bowl on your head and calling after 14 years of waiting, yourself justin bieber. america's prayers have been answered with the return of two of our most beloved animated heroes, and it's all thanks to our next guest, who drew them i still can't decide if and taught them to speak. brand-new episodes of "beavis and butt-head" begin this i'm going to be thursday night at 10:00 on mtv. a werewolf or a sexy al roker please say hello to mike judge. but every year -- i blame [ cheers and applause ] facebook for this -- i see more and more costumes on pets. people dress their animals up oo for halloween, and while most people seem to think it's cute, there's an animal rights group two titans of the world of launching a campaign that

strongly disagrees with that assessment. >> we are your pets, your best friends, your most loyal companions, and yet every halloween you dress us in animation here together on, ridiculous, embarrassing well, two separate chairs. costumes. it's good to see you. why may i ask after 14 years, and we're, believe me, very glad to have them back, but why are do we look like clowns to you or you just now bringing "beavis lobsters, punk rockers, ewoks, and butt-head" back? >> well, i felt like television harry potters, fast food, wonder was getting too smart and -- no, i mean i don't know. women, chia pets or mtv had been asking me for oompa-loompas? awhile, you know, like every you spay us, you neuter us, and now you take our dignity. year or so and then they got tired of asking but started we've had enough. watching this, you know, these "16 and pregnant" and "teen mom" if you don't stop dressing us and "jersey shore" and just like idiots, we'll knock you hearing the voice of butt-head down and hump you. woof. and beavis in my head, it just seemed like maybe it was the right time and then -- paid for by pets against people. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: humping is their >> jimmy: they lured you back in solution to everything. by putting all these ridiculous shows on the air. hey, we got a great show for you wow. >> yeah. tonight. it was hard to resist, yeah. the voice of beavis and butt-head is here. >> jimmy: and beavis and butt-head are not older or mike judge is here, and we have smarter. they're still right where they primus, and were when we left off. >> still virgins, still really we'll be right back with stupid, yeah.

zach galifianakis, so stick >> jimmy: uh-huh. around. [ applause ] ♪ yeah, in my life uh-huh. it's funny because you think now about the show and think back when the show came out, and every human being was talking like beavis and butt-head. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i mean, everyone, right? >> yeah, there was -- yeah, i used to overhear that a lot, yeah. >> jimmy: who have you met that ♪ i need you so you've been most surprised to learn was a "beavis and ♪ i need you so butt-head" fan? >> i'd say -- well, i didn't ♪ meet him, but i heard that marlon brando was way into "beavis and butt-head." johnny depp had told me that he ♪ and marlon brando were doing a movie -- i can't remember which one it was but that they would [ male announcer ] that which unleashes your passion is back. do -- marlon would be butt-head, and johnny the simple joy of the mcrib. would be beavis. i wish somebody had filmed it. >> jimmy: oh, my god, yeah, no ♪ kidding. no kidding. wow. that -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's -- boy, i didn't even realize there was an overlap in the marlon brando era and the "beavis and butt-head" ford fusion has now been named the most dependable era. >> he was still alive. >> jimmy: this is before death?

midsize car by jd power and associates. we go to kimberly. >> i'm sure after also. >> jimmy: have you ever been concerned that somebody was a fan like an airline pilot or any thoughts on this news? something like that? i have no idea what's goin on. >> i have a lot of pilot fans. you know, i was actually -- my we are out. what was that? younger daughter -- she's 17 they told me it's the most dependable midsize sedan and now, and when she was not even 2, we had -- she had to have surgery. they ran back into their little box. she's fine now. everything is good but on her tear duct. and so, you know, me and my wife at the time were all nervous, and she goes, oh, the anesthesiologist is a good fan, and i'm like, okay. wait, is that good? that might not be good. and then he turns out to be just a hard-core fan and he's just like saying that mexico episode there was two parts then they don't play that anymore, and i have it taped, and i'm just like, okay, why don't we focus on the surgery here? and it's your fault. >> jimmy: a lot of people were instead of blaming me angry about the show when it try advil congestion relief. first came on. i don't know why they were angry. often the real problem is swelling, not mucus. but did you get any of that or advil congestion relief reduces swelling were you under the -- due to nasal inflammation. >> i mean i got a lot of it. so i can breathe.

[ mucus ] advil congestion relief. all kinds of it but -- well, actually for the most part i didn't get dragged into it. they hated mtv, but i got a voice mail once from this just deranged hillbilly guy with -- >> i apologize. [ laughter ] i just lit my acreage on fire. >> yeah, well, that would all make sense now. no, this guy was like -- he thought the name of the show was "porky's butt hole." with smooth caramel i don't know how he got "porky's and chocolate. butt hole" out of "beavis and ♪ hmm twix. butt-head," but i still have the message. also available in peanut butter. it's like -- >> oh, my god. >> it's like a minute and a half long, and he's just like -- and this is actually -- this is where i got the voice later for a character on "king of the hill." this guy -- the message started

out, i've been calling y'all for a month, and every time that "porky's butt hole" come on. [ laughter ] >> yeah. and the thing that i couldn't figure out is like this message is incomprehensible. i mean it's like -- i've listened to it a million times and still don't know what he's talking about. but what gets me is like, okay, at some point this guy like, 411, yeah, like called information. and then at some point he started going on about "porky's butt hole," and then somebody -- back then, you know, i had a [ boy's voice ] oh, samantha...um, voice mail at mtv. yeah, i'm going to get you mike i've already given my sub to sally. judge, anything butt hole, you what, sally?!?! [ girl's voice ] hey samantha. know, went straight to me. >> jimmy: could you show us, [ giggles ] how could you. take us through how you do i got a phone call... todd... men. beavis or butt-head or vice this is todd... versa.

[ cheers and applause ] [ male announcer ] get your own subway steak melt. >> well, okay. >> jimmy: i know everyone loves it. like the meaty, irresistible & unforgettable >> okay, so the way -- the big philly cheesesteak. beavis -- subway. eat fresh. >> please do something from "porky's butt hole." >> yeah. [ cellphone rings ] cut! [ monica ] i have a small part in a big movie. hey, i think there -- what would that cartoon be, "porky's butt i thought we'd be on location for 3 days, hole"? it's been 3 weeks. >> jimmy: it's up to you to so, i used my citi simplicity card to pick up a few things. figure it out. >> coming up next on abc, "porky's butt hole." and i don't have to worry about a late fee. yeah, the beavis voice came out which is good... no! bigger! bigger! [ monica ] ...because i don't think of -- okay, well, it started -- we're going anywhere for a while. [ male announcer ] write your story with the new citi simplicity card. there was a really nerdy kid no late fees. no penalty rate. no worries. nothing like beavis, this was in calculus class. i grew up in albuquerque, new get started at citisimplicity.com. it's 4g, so you can do more faster. mexico, and we had like in the so, kathryn, post more youtube videos middle -- well, yeah. makes even more sense. so just one -- of your baby acting adorable. baby. on it. >> remember that time i told you you were dressed as me. matt, ignore me and keep updating your fantasy team. [ laughter and applause ] huh? jeff, play a game. turbo boost-ing now, sir. dennis, check in everywhere you go on foursquare. that's mayor dennis of the water cooler. i'm sorry. >> jimmy: do you remember this you're the best. liz, rock out to pandora. oh, no, i'm an only child. and, nick, you shouldn't even be here. kid's name or you can't say? >> i'm not going to say right you can do everything from the golf course. now, but we had this -- out of

good? good. the blue suddenly we had this [ male announcer ] on at&t, new calculus teacher who was a former dallas cowboys blackberry® torch moves at the speed of 4g. cheerleader, and like it was ♪ just -- there was -- it was unheard of to ever have a hot, hot teacher in albuquerque, new mexico. [ female announcer ] lose yourself in a delicious lunch. like nobody had ever seen that happen. >> was it a woman or a guy? ♪ [ laughter ] special k protein shakes and meal bars. with 10 grams of protein and 5 grams of fiber each... >> it was a -- they satisfy your hunger longer so you can stay on track. i like your cheerleader picture. >> jimmy: he's not a big football fan. [ telephone rings ] ♪ >> but, yeah, this kid just would sit in the front of the class. she never said anything funny, but he would laugh at satisfaction. everything. what will you gain when you lose? love your lunch with special k protein shakes and meal bars. write real fast and he was like -- [ making beavis noises ] so, yeah, started with that and turned into a little like -- hey, butt-head and then butt-head just -- i looked at the drawing and was kind of like looked at it going like --

[ making butt-head sounds ] [ cheers and applause ] sounds better coming out of a cartoon. >> jimmy: no, it sounds pretty great coming out of a human being. i have to say. well, everybody is very excited about this. we have a clip here. do you need to set the clip up? >> yes, let me set up the clip. okay, so this -- in this episode beavis and butt-head, they see "twilight" and they see how girls think all vampires are sexy, and so they decide they're going to become vampires or werewolves and they see a guy who they think is a werewolf, but he's just a homeless guy, and they get him to bite them but he bites them, and it turns out he has hep c, and they think they're transforming into werewolves, but they're just getting really sick. >> jimmy: here it is. beavis and butt-head. >> eh, eh. >> aren't we werewolves yet? >> it is working.

i think the transformation is complete. >> that's nice. whoa, look at your face. >> whoa. your arms look cool. >> well, let's go get some girls. a-whoo! >> a-whoo. yeah. ♪ >> a-whoo. >> jimmy: welcome back, fellas. >> jimmy: welcome back. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. beavis and butt-head are going to be here on the show tomorrow night, as a matter of fact. mike judge. "beavis and butt-head" return thursday night at 10:00 on mtv. zach galifianakis. tonight on the program, the voice of a generation. we'll be right back with music on thursday night, we will gather 'round the television for the triumphant return of "beavis and butt-head" to mtv. from primus. and their father, mike judge, is here to tell us about it tonight. and then with music from this, their first album in 11 years, it's called "green naugahyde," primus from the bud light outdoor stage. tomorrow night, hugh laurie will be here, as will snooki and the latest "dancing with the stars" castoff, and both beavis and butt-head too. and later this week

justin timberlake, tyra banks, david spade, brett ratner, rebecca romijn, and music from frank turner and the fray. so please join us then. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest tonight is thick of beard and weird of mind with a name that could win any scrabble game around. starting friday, you can see him give voice to an accident-prone egg named humpty in the new animated feature "puss in boots." please say hello to zach galifianakis. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's good to see you. >> nice to see you. >> jimmy: did you know this is your 15th appearance on this show? >> 15th appearance, yes, i read that. >> jimmy: you did. where did you read that? >> in my diary. >> jimmy: oh, really. okay. >> yep. i'm the one that called you about it. >> jimmy: oh, that's right. i'm so sorry. i forgot. well, it's good to have you back. i know you just had a birthday. did you have a big party? are you a partying kind of guy? >> i don't -- i don't like to --

what do you mean? i like to drink underneath my table alone by myself but not a big party guy. but i -- this birthday, my 27th, was -- [ laughter ] >> i was doing a performance, i was doing a "q" and "a" with "the new yorker" magazine. >> jimmy: ooh. with whom? >> "the new yorker" magazine. that's right. no, it was with "teen people," "tiger beat." >> jimmy: the poster came out? >> yeah. >> jimmy: it was "the new yorker." >> so there were people there, and it was my birthday, and i felt bad that i didn't really have a celebration, so i got 500 cupcakes for the audience. >> jimmy: oh, where do you get 500 cupcakes? >> i got it at

a place called baby cakes in new york in the lower east side of new york. it's called baby cakes. >> jimmy: yeah, i think there is one here too. they make cakes for babies, right? >> yeah, that's what it is. i went into the store, and i was like, i need 500 cupcakes, and they were like, oh, so the usual. [ laughter ] little fat joke about myself? and anyway -- >> jimmy: and you got them and you distributed them to others. >> that's right, in the audience. >> jimmy: was there a candle or anything? >> no, there was no candle, but the cupcakes were laced with lsd. >> jimmy: oh. >> and guess what, everybody is getting a cupcake tonight! >> jimmy: this is their new [ cheers and applause ] album, it's called "green naugahyde" here with the song "lee van cleef," primus. >> oprah, pass it on, oprah. ♪ >> jimmy: you learn when you're in front of a group of people on a regular basis, you learn people love drugs. >> yes, they do. [ cheers and applause ] they do. >> jimmy: they go crazy for them. >> they do. >> jimmy: speaking of drugs, i

♪ found -- well, i didn't find ♪ got a classic red ryder at rocky camp down in ol' hat creek this. somebody found this and said this is a picture lookin' for jaybirds ♪ of you in high school. is that you in high school? ♪ left and right try and knock 'em up out the tree everybody i >> that -- yep, that's when i know's ♪ ♪ watchin' clint they all like was head of the cheerleading squad. watchin clint hi hi hi all the little snaps ♪ ♪ want to be like clint they all >> jimmy: i was staring at it want to be like clint but i want for like 20 minutes to try to to be ♪ make you -- i see like the eyes ♪ like lee van cleef ya know i and everything, although want to be like lee what ever happened to lee van cleef ♪ ♪ what ever happened to lee a i think if maybe we got -- let me see if -- >> you guys have any -- >> jimmy: yeah, that's you. that is you. >> that's it. >> jimmy: what kind of a student were you besides fresh faced? >> i was -- i was a pretty good student. yellow studebaker with a yeah, i got good grades and was, three-oh-two and a seat ♪ you know, respectful to my ♪ of green naugahyde a couple of teachers, and i got an academic dings in that pickup truck a few scholarship to barber college. more dents ♪ ♪ in his pride at hilltop >> jimmy: oh, is that right? drive-in they're watchin' clint they all like ♪ >> yep. >> jimmy: and did you take them up on that. ♪ watchin' clint hi hi hi on the >> yeah, went to barber college.

played linebacker there for big screen they want to see old awhile. >> jimmy: at what point in your clint ♪ life did you decide i want to be ♪ they all want to see old clint in show business, i want to do something that people watch me? but i want to see lee van cleef ♪ >> like ten minutes ago. ♪ ya know i like to see old lee i know i was in elementary whatever happened to lee van cleef ♪ ♪ whatever happened to lee ♪ school, and the kid -- the guy that whistled the theme song to "the andy griffith show" came and whistled. we were on a tight budget, and he whistled the theme song to ♪ now the studebaker's gone "the andy griffith show," and i lee's passed on clint's remember looking at him like all still sharp as can be the he did is showed up to work with hilltop drive-in is an auto mall but no one's ♪ nothing, and he knows how to whistle. ♪ built over lee we all get a i have to figure out how to kick out of watchin' clint we still get a kick out of clint basically do that for a living. hi ♪ and that is how i got -- that's basically the beginning when i ♪ there ain't never been none tried to figure out like what i quite like clint ♪ could do to entertain people. this guy just captivated an assembly of children. and it was the greatest day of ♪ there's really only one clint

my life. but i really did like lee van cleef ♪ ♪ i sure did really like lee a light went off, but whatever happened to lee van cleef whatever happened to lee ♪ unfortunately i got my pants pulled down the same day. yeah. >> jimmy: you did? >> yeah. >> jimmy: and somehow -- well, that must have made an indelible impression on you. >> it made an impression on me, yes, and it made an impressionen everybody else too. >> jimmy: who pulled your pants down? >> the guy that was whistling. i got backstage passes. ♪ [ laughter and applause ] >> oh, childhood abuse. ♪ we still get a kick out of >> jimmy: and now you're trying watchin' clint we still get a to eat your problems away kick out of clint hi ♪ through cupcakes. ♪ their ain't never been one >> that's right. quite like clint there's really only one clint but i always that's exactly right. did ♪ >> jimmy: were you abused regularly, and i don't mean ♪ like lee van cleef always did like lee nobody's steely like lee van cleef ♪ sexually, but as a child, would people pick on you? ♪ whatever happened to lee don't >> no, you know what, i was, but ever forget about lee ♪ i also picked on other people, but my brother, [ cheers and applause ]

who was really big, he used to pick me up by my underwear like where my feet would dangle like >> jimmy: i want to thank zach galifianakis, i want to this, and he would like wait thank mike judge. till gravity kicked in and just i want to apologize to matt hold me for 30 minutes until my damon. we ran out of time. tomorrow night, hugh laurie, snooki, beavis and butt-head and underwear like broke or part of the latest castoff from "dancing with the stars" and my underroos ended up in my small intestine. this is their new album. >> jimmy: did he give you a it's call ed wedgie or -- >> back then we just called it "green naugahyde" love. and playing us back in north carolina it was just called family love. off the air with "jilly's on smack," see the full performance >> jimmy: and are you still on at jimmykimmellive.com, once speaking terms with your again, primus! good night. brother? >> just skyping. ♪ we only skype. >> jimmy: how are things back on the farm in north carolina? you really -- you live on a farm. >> i have a place in north carolina. i got -- i just bought a couple of donkeys, and then i -- the other day i was -- my farm almost burned down. i have a few acres, and i almost burnt my farm down. >> jimmy: you almost burnt your farm down? >> yeah.

>> jimmy: how do you almost burn ♪ a farm down? >> i was smoking grass, and i was trying to burn grass, and i poured a little -- because i don't want any chemicals on my land but poured a little diesel and lit it. i had a maul bucket of water. i knew what i was doing. i was an eagle scout. >> jimmy: this is like a fertilizing thing that goes on. >> so what you want to do is burn your grass so the grass revitalizes itself until you get rid of the weeds, so it's all about getting rid of the weeds, and anyway, six minutes later my land is ablaze, and i'm running to my neighbor's and trying to get this -- had turned on his spigot and filling up the bucket, and two fire trucks and an ambulance came, and, you know, these good old guys, they like see me as a city slicker so it's kind of really embarrassing. oh, well, hey, zach, what's up. what did you do? oh, i don't know.

trying to burn my grass. >> jimmy: everything is all right? >> everything is fine, yeah, everything is fine. >> jimmy: hey you know what, let's take a quick break here. when we come back, let's set your beard on fire. >> sure. >> jimmy: okay. zach galifianakis. "puss in boots" opens friday. we'll be right back. capital one's new cash rewards card gives you a 50% annual bonus! so you earn 50% more cash. according to research, everybody likes more cash. well, almost everybody... ♪ would you like 50% more cash? no! but it's more money. [ male announcer ] the new capital one cash rewards card. the card for people who want 50% more cash. what's in your wallet? woah! [ giggles ] woah! tonight we're setting the table with something new.

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humpty alexander dumpty, how dare you show your face to me. >> i know you're angry. you have every right, but it is good to see you, puss. are those new boots? >> no, they are the same boots i wore when you betrayed me. >> betrayed you? you let me crack in pieces on a bridge surrounded by soldiers. they wrote a song about it. >> jimmy: that's humpty dumpty, zach galifianakis in "puss in boots," a very clean shaven humpty dumpty. >> i had to shave. >> jimmy: you know, a lot of movie stars will come and say, i wanted to do this movie for my