doesn't look like much of a beach vacation for me. thanks for watching abc. don't forget "good morning america," "jimmy kimmel" is next. up next on an all new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> "breaking dawn, part 1, made more than $140 million. it's refreshing to finally see a story about wolves and teen pregnancy that doesn't involve the palins. >> you look great. >> do i really?x@x@x@x@x@x@x@x@@

>> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with disney's big game, where's my water? it is a puzzle app. it's to help swampy the alligator find fresh water so he can take a shower. actually alligators care a lot about hygiene. you have to make sure no dirty water reaches swampy. it's fun but just in case you don't get the idea i thought we'd demonstrate live. >> i got my ipad right here. >> jimmy: i want to demonstrate live how the game works. what i'd like you to do is go to the green room and get swampy jr. some water. can you do that. >> yeah, i go. >> jimmy: go do that right now.

yeah, you can just -- just go. take him. well, there you go. perfectly done. don't take it personally, swampy jr. he's jumpy. >> dicky: where's my water available for 99 cents at the app store. >> jimmy: we have fun. "jimmy kimmel live" back with atticus shaffer and music from lady antebellum and artie lange and nick dipaolo. hi, could you read my list? it's all crossed out... it's 'cause i got everything on it. boom!

thank you! [ male announcer ] black friday's here. why wait outside when walmart has over 2 million tvs in stock? deals start thursday 10 pm. more electronics at midnight. with thermacare heatwraps. that's 8 hours while you wear it, plus an additional 8 hours of relief after you take it off. can your patch say that? for up to 16 hours of relief... try thermacare. take toast. spread with i can't believe it's not butter! add jacques. he's french. mmmm. [ male announcer ] fresh butter taste that's irresistible. i can't believe it's not butter! [ male announcer ] fresh butter taste that's irresistible. look, it's ok to take the occasional gamble-

as long as it's something like switching from boxers to briefs. but you never roll the dice on your truck. so go with the sure thing, ford f-150. jd power and associates just gave f-150 their highest award for initial quality. add to that the best mix of torque and fuel economy you get with its ecoboost engine, and you're money, baby. this is the future. this is the ford f-150. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- artie lange and nick dipaolo. atticus shaffer and music from lady antebellum with cleto and the cletones. and now here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ "jimmy kimmel live" [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: all right. that's very nice. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks for being here. on this magical night of celebrity dancing and that it is it was a night of many rumbas with the second to last "dancing with the stars" of the season. less than 24 hours of knowing who will take home the prophy and less than 36 hours of forgetting who took home the coveted mirror ball trophy. static electricity. the final three contestants, j.r. martinez, ricki lake and rob kardashian danced tonight. according to a new poll, 54% of americans believe rob kardashian is a finalist on the show because his sister has been encouraging people to vote for him through twitter only 14% think he's a finalist because

he's one of the best dancers and 26% said had no opinion because they lead full and productive lives. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: but he was the best one tonight. once again, they're doing things differently this year for the final. the scores will be combined with the viewer votes as they usually do and then one dancer will be eliminated tomorrow night leaving two finalists who will have a final battle and instant samba which -- wasn't that like a brand of decaf coffee my grandparents used to drink or something. sanka. rob kardashian had the highest score, 57 out of 60. ricki and j.r. tied with 54. i think chaz bono could still win this thing, right? wrong? don't patronize me, please. last night here in claengs, the 39th annual amas. they are the annual ceremony on which the american medical association gives out awards

for -- taylor swift won best esophagus. congratulations. this happened before the program. they had a reporter on the red carpet who isn't a reporter. he's an actor named ryan devlin. he had a difficult time acting like he was at all interested in anything mary j. blige had to say. >> you've got a new album dropping speaking of which "it's my life too" a follow-up. >> tomorrow the album comes out and the follow-up to the first "my life" album and the very first "my life" album we were in a place where we weren't happy but there's been so much growth and evolution since then learning how to understand -- >> we're looking forward to seeing you. toss it right back to you. >> and we're done. >> jimmy: if you could please limit your personal journey to 15 words or less. i blame twitter for that. on the other side of the time coin, nicki minaj was -- she won

best rap hip-hop artist then had to walk about a mile and a half to pick up her award. stick with this. >> in her breakthrough year nicki minaj wins her very first american music award. has a chance to take home another trophy tonight, also up for favorite rap hip-hop album. ♪ >> jimmy: and we're there. you know, the song she won for didn't last that long.

which was in kindergarten my mom used to walk me to school it took less time than that. poor mary j. blige still out on the red carpet waiting to finish the story. as you presumably know thanksgiving is on thursday. thanksgiving is the day on which we give thanks for all the cool stuff we have and own, right? at least that's how i do it but in olden times pilgrims wore belts on their hat it was the one day of year people in the country overate. now we do it all 365 days. i am cooking this year. this -- i want to show -- that's a turkey i made last year. is that beautiful or what? look at it. it's nuked -- radioactive. and this year i'll be smoking his son. i like -- you know what i like, i like putting marshmallows on the sweet potato os or yams -- whatever the hell -- i don't see

why we don't put them on all our vegetables all the time. busy time for tv chefs. very few know how to cook a turkey. it can be intimidating. the chefs teach you what to do. we asked my aunt chippy to share her wisdom in the kitchen. not only will you learn something about cooking a turkey but get an idea of the chemistry that she had with my director, brad. >> hi, this is aunt chippy and welcome to "chip's tips." today we have a thanksgiving turkey and it looks wonderful. it smells delicious and we are going to enjoy this turkey. >> cut, cut, cut. this is about carving it. today i'm -- i'm going to show you how to carve a turkey. that's it. here we go. less energy. smile, action. >> hi, this is aunt chippy and welcome to "chip's tips." >> flawed "chip's tips." we have to understand. >> right now we'll learn how to

carve a turkey. >> right. let's do this -- i wonder if you should turn the turkey. i want to make sure -- >> what is it with you and [ bleep ] turning. this guy only has two sides. both sides are exactly the same. we got an ass sticking out with some [ bleep ] over here and his head cut off over here so basically we've got this side and this side. that's all we got to work with. and we are sea going to just do this thing right down the middle -- we're going to -- we're going to beat the [ bleep ] out of this thing and -- i don't know what the hell is in there. >> let's do it again here. get the other turkey. >> better not go to waste. don't let me see you put it in the garbage or i'll dump your ass in with it. if you like dark meat you have to go -- i don't care. that's it right now.

>> no, no, no. >> the turkey does not look good on camera. do we have another turkey? >> what do you mean it didn't look good? you told me it was cooked for eight hour. >> it doesn't look good. >> god is watching you, brad. he is watching you right now. >> okay, here we go. a lot of energy. a lot of energy. >> we're going to carve a turkey today and it's going to be perfect. we're going to start in the middle. >> no. cut, cut, cut, cut, cut. wait. should be -- no, no. you can't shoot with this turkey. >> you know what, shoot -- don't throw it out! oh, my god! >> okay. >> oh, my god! >> do we have any other turkeys. >> oh, my god. >> okay. let's go get another turkey. >> oh, no. you're not going to get another turkey. because i am not going to stand

here cutting up [ bleep ] turkeys because -- and letting you throw them out when people are hungry. they would want that turkey. stick this bit up your ass. i'm done. i'm not doing it. i'm done. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the idea is get her very angry and make sure she has a sharp knife in her hands. the big movie was the latest installment of "the twilight saga." "breaking dawn: part 1." it made more than $140 million over the weekend. i have to say it's refreshing to finally see a story about wolves and teen pregnancy that doesn't involve the palins. isn't it? remember them? [ applause ] >> jimmy: i saw the movie and i tell you something for someone who can't see himself in the mirror edward's hair looks amazing. congress today failed us again. shocking, i know.

republicans and democrats in the congressional super committee were unable to make any kind of compromise to cut the deficit by the deadline which was tonight. the super committee in case you don't know is to committees what super cuts is to cuts and i think the problem is there were consequences for the country if they didn't get this done but no consequences for the committee members themselves. if we had fed each committee member a poisoned cupcake, something that takes a month to kill you and told them that once they came to an agreement they could have the antidote, i'm not a political scientist but have a feeling the process would have gone more smoothly. [ applause ] >> jimmy: this is -- here's a government that has its act together. north korea has apparently opened its borders to tourism. you know, this is a country that would not let others in but this is a real quote from the tourism bureau. pyongyang, i'm sure i'm misprovide announcing it, water

so clean you can drink from the tap, wide boulevard, uncluttered by traffic and a plethora of soaring memorials and monuments. when the second item on your list is tap water you can drink, i don't know if it's the greatest place but there are restrictions -- you can go -- there are restrictions on traveling in north korea. visitors are only allowed in certain areas. you're not permitted to interact with north korean citizens and you can't bring cell phones or cameras to which that will bring in the asian tourist, all right. but they are serious about tourism and, in fact, just launched a new ad campaign. if you try to attract visitors from the united states. >> this is beautiful north korea. stay in our luxury hotels. relax in our tropical spa getaway. meet our friendly locals and marvel at our beautiful women. visit north korea, you won't want to leave. it won't be permitted.

north korea, you may not leave. >> jimmy: more of a staycation is what you call it. you know, on thursday night, we held our second annual national unfriend day. this is a day on which we asked everyone with a facebook page to cut back their friends' list. it was a huge success. millions of so-called facebook friends were unfriended. almost 100% of the feedback i've heard has been positive. people were very happy to unclutter their page but some people were a little upset because they got unfriended. it's hard to get unfriended. a rejection from somebody who maybe you thought was your friend. it's for the best though and tonight to help you through it if you are having trouble someone who has become a big supporter has come here to let you know no matter how many times you were unfriended everything will be okay. >> it happens to everyone. you never think it can happen to you. unfriended. hi, i'm william shatner. being unfriended by someone you kind of know can hurt.

you can no longer read their status updates, see their spring break photos or deny their farmville requests. you feel low. you feel worthless. but now there's hope. first comes denial. surely they didn't unfriend me. why, i've known dave ever since i met him at that thing. you feverishly refresh the page. could this be sabotage? something must be wrong. next comes anger. so i'm not good enough to write on your wall, then screw you. i have hundreds of other real facebook friends who are just begging to be poked and yet you miss dave. which leads to depression. dave no longer pops up on your

news feed. you miss the way you randomly stalked his photo albums at 2:00 in the morning. you miss the picture of his girlfriend on the beach. in a way she was your girlfriend too. you miss it all. but he's gone now and eventually you will move on to acceptance. you were unfriended. it's time to move on. use this new-fund freedom to better yourself. poke new people. upload photos of your dog drinking beer. that bastard dave, rue the day he unfriended you and know that i will never unfriend you for as a logical man once said, i have been and always will be your friend.

"star trek." >> oh. man u manu. >> wheth[ bleep ], loser. >> jimmy: we have a good show from "the middle" atticus shaffer is here and right back with nick dipaolo and artie lange so stick around. it's so nice to spend time, just you and me. i know. this is great. you know, i feel like... did you just check the game on your phone? what? no! what am i, like some kind of summoner who can just summon footage to his phone like that? come on. i guess i'm just a little... [ grunts ] oversensitive. it's just that you and i -- yes!

[ male announcer ] only at&t's network lets your iphone download 3x faster. at&t. set out to create a different kind of cold remedy using powerful medicine and natural ingredients from around the world. he called it vicks vaporub. today, the vicks journey continues. introducing new vicks nature fusion cold & flu syrup. powerful multi-symptom medicine flavored with natural honey instead of artificial flavors and dyes. so you can feel good about what you take to feel better. instead of artificial flavors and dyes. chase freedom gives you 1% cash back. and the largest cash back card only gives you a quarter percent until you spend $3,000 every year. but you know, it's your choice, so... don't' get short changed. get your cash back. chase freedom. you've got to try the new sizzling entrees. [ sizzling ] [ male announcer ] fresh flavor never sounded as good as applebee's new sizzling entrees ok, i'll have that. [ male announcer ] try our juicy new

double barrel whisky sirloins and more, starting at $8.99. come taste what's new in the neighborhood. now serving half-price appetizers late night. is for more than dandruff. how it gives me a healthy scalp and great looking hair. but who used mine up? it was hines. seriously? you lying fool. [ male announcer ] head & shoulders: seven benefits, every bottle. it's a great hd tv. shh. don't speak. i'll just leave you two alone. [ male announcer ] black friday's here. deals start thursday 10 pm. more electronics start at midnight. and we're open all day and night so you don't have to wait outside. walmart.

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, tonight on the program a very funny young man from "the middle," atticus shaffer is with us and everyone's favorite country

group at the american music awards, their latest "own the night" lady antebellum from the bud light stage. i want to mention our pal william shatner has a new book called "shatner rules." he would like you to buy it, so do. we have a good show for you tomorrow night. tomorrow night we'll have the winner of "dancing with the stars," david beckham, and dana delany will join us and music from nickelback and that's it but that's good, right? after turning down numerous offers from "grey's anatomy" and "dancing with the stars" our first guest decided to do a sports radio show, the nationally syndicated show airs monday and friday nights at 10:00, please say hello to nick dipaolo and artie lange. [ cheers and applause ]

thanks for -- i know you guys took a night off, right, to come out and do this. >> yeah, they had to really twist our arm. >> we've been on seven week, jim, and it's time for a night off. >> jimmy: are you sick of each other already. >> yes. >> a little bit. >> jimmy: a little bit. would either of you have considered this if it was a morning radio show? >> well, first of all, we wouldn't do mornings because the morning guys at talk sports know what they're talking about. 10:00 p.m., we don't know what we're talking about. >> if i knew about sports with my gambling problem i'd have three summer homes by now. >> jimmy: you know, it's funny, i think will say you don't know what you're talking about when it comes to sports but do anyone know what they're talking about unless you played or are a coach or something. >> i played at a football factory, university of maine. >> jimmy: you did. >> i was a running back. i got hit by a deer on our first

scrimmage. true story. not making that up. >> jimmy: did the deer have a little celebration dance? i should ask, artie, how are you doing? everyone asks how are you doing. >> i'm doing good. i'm doing really good. [ applause ] >> jimmy: you look great. you look -- >> do i really? yeah, because i'm looking at the monitor and i think you're [ bleep ] me. no, i'm doing great. you know, i'm sober. i've been sober for a long time, clean and sober. >> jimmy: good, good. >> the problem is you go to rehab and they try to -- they try to take your mind off drugs with other things like board games. like you're -- they'll say to a crackhead, we know you're a crackhead but, hey, you want to play monopoly?

and the crackhead will go, no, i don't want to play monopoly. i want to smoke crack. like i know there is -- you got a big high out of putting a hotel on boardwalk, but it really doesn't compare to the high of crack. >> jimmy: the idea is they're doing things that are so very boring when you get out you'll appreciate like a softball game. >> right, right, right. yeah, people tell me about a runner's high like i've heard about that. that hasn't happened to me. i've tried running to get a runner's high and apparently you have to run more than 30 feet together. >> jimmy: that's what they say. >> like forrest gump-type running. >> jimmy: you were in a facility or what kind -- where were you? >> i was in several facilities. >> jimmy: several facilities. >> i was in a rehab in a psych ward, a mental institution for a little while which is a lot of fun because a lot of interesting things happen when you're there. >> i'm working with him now.

>> jimmy: you haven't been in the psych ward? >> not yet. >> jimmy: give it time. >> i hooked on sodium. that's about it. >> i'll get the guy going. >> jimmy: what was that like in the psych ward. >> you meet a lot of interesting people there. people have a little opinion but it can be fun and you actually came up in the psych ward. >> jimmy: oh, great. >> true. >> i was walking around and this like 350-pound black guy thought he recognized me from tv. i know you, man. i was like, whatever. i was trying to be anonymous but i was wearing a "jimmy kimmel" t-shirt. you get a t-shirt. he said, hey, man, you're jimmy kimmel. [ applause ] >> jimmy: terrific. >> i'm your buddy. i said, no. don't -- the cat's out of the bag, man.

i go, no, i'm really not. then he starts telling everyone, jimmy kimmel is here, man. jimmy kimmel is here. after four times i got tired so i just let him think i was jimmy kimmel. and then there's a common area where you watch tv and your show came on television and i said, see, he's on tv 3,000 miles away. no, no, man. you taped that earlier. you're jimmy kimmel. and then i got him mad because my shower was broken in the psych ward and they took me to a different shower to use and he got all mad at me. oh, jimmy, mr. big shot. mr. celebrity can't shower with us. >> jimmy: i would have showered with him. i still would love to shower with him. >> take it easy, sandusky. it's a sports show. >> jimmy: how did you meet? >> at an audition in l.a.

i came out here to act and, you know, it went well. i'm doing radio in new york. but the problem was every audition i went on, it was me and the same three or four italian guys in the waiting room so we started carpooling after like two weeks it was like me scott baio and ralph macchio looking for ed mar narrow types, so -- >> that's how i became good friends with the guy that played newman on "seinfeld." we just met at auditions. >> jimmy: you were hired first. >> yeah. >> jimmy: then how -- did you have to talk artie into it. >> well, they wanted to match me up with like tony siragusa and i was like bring tony serico from "the sopranos." i said michael vick got a second chance. artie is not machine gunning puppies and throwing poodles into a fryolator.

>> jimmy: he's not. >> so at least not that i remember. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and, artie, did you have to think about it for awhile. >> no, at that point i was ready to start working a landscaping business. i would have done anything. >> i'm laying there literally on the couch trying to -- i had a conversation with direct tv guys. it'll be on directv in the spring. at least that's what i'm saying over here. so i'm laying there trying to think of somebody and literally haven't heard from him in 11 or 12 months delaying scrabble in a psych ward and the phone says arthur lang and i go, artie, want to do a sports radio show. yeah, what the hell. why not. >> jimmy: that's how it happened. >> no agents involved or nothing. it was beautiful. >> jimmy: nick and artie are woo us "the nick and artie show." we'll be right back. ioo us "the

show." we'll be right back. thoo us "th show." we'll be right back. us "the ni show." we'll be right back. us "the ni show." we'll be right back. [ male announcer ] only rogaine® foam is shown to regrow hair in 85% of guys. i'm like, "hey look at me. it's working." [ male announcer ] go to rogainefoam.com and you can get " a 4-month supply of rogaine® for just $59.95.

order in the next 10 minutes and get free shipping! yeah, it does seven great things like giving me a healthy scalp and great looking hair. you should make that eight things. dude, why don't you just use the stuff? [ male announcer ] head & shoulders: seven benefits. every bottle. [ female announcer ] go-to... [ male announcer ] house party. ♪ [ female announcer ] go-to... [ male announcer ] temptation. [ female announcer ] i'll have the yellow tail, i'll have the yellow tail. ♪ [ female announcer ] go-to... [ male announcer ] joker's wild. [ female announcer ] i just love that kangaroo. go-to... [ male announcer ] girl's night in. [ female announcer ] never the wrong time, for the right wine.

[ male announcer ] yellow tail. the go-to.

elelelelelelelelelelelelelelelel anything else, hon? hon? do you call everyone hon? no. i'm sweetie. precious. sugar britches. whoever you are, get a whole dinner and a drink for just $8 with the $2, $4, $6, $8 value menu. only at denny's. america's diner is always open. >> jimmy: we are back. with nick dipaolo and artie lange. lady antebellum so you're doing this radio show now every single night. >> right. >> jimmy: have you adjusted to working these hours. >> well, it's weird. >> i spend time with you every time i go to work, jim. i don't know if you realize

this. i take a cab to work and the show in new york city cabs now the show is in the back of cabs. >> jimmy: he run our videos. >> you can't get away from it. it's always on. every time i'm in there there is a video of you and interviewing a guest to promote the show and one time i'm watching the show and you're interviewing adam sandler. i'm in the back of the cab and the cab driver is one of these real angry sgries like you don't know where he's from exactly and has a mad look on his face and he's got like, you know, like real hairy ears and he's got like that bluetooth thing that shoves in the ear and it's all stuck in there arguing with someone and you don't know what he's talking about. and every once in a while you recognize one word -- staten island. and i'm watching the show and you're interviewing adam sandler. i'm laughing.

you guys are making me laugh. we stop at a red light and the cab driver looks behind at me during the red light and he goes, you like jimmy kimmel? and i go, i go, yeah, i like him a lot. he makes me laugh. i go, do you like him? he goes, i think he's a whining bitch. >> jimmy: probably somewhere in between. >> i wanted to defend you because like you're my friend but i was scared of the guy. i didn't want to start a fatwa with the guy. i'm 38. >> my question is when did adam carolla start driving a cab? >> jimmy: it's not his ears. the man's hairy. what can i say? >> i haven't adjusted to -- >> jimmy: you haven't. >> you're a comic. you work nights. why would that be an adjustment but when you do radio you drink a ton of coffee. when you do comedy you drink a ton of scotch. i come home now i'm wired.

i drive home and i'm wired on caffeine. i watch "the o'reilly factor." go up to my wife who i didn't know. she snores like a pirate. she's 105 pounds soaking wet but when she snores she sounds like precious with a sinus infection. [ applause ] >> it's a very deceiving snore -- it's like -- [ making snoring sounds ] >> like trying to sleep next to a cappuccino machine. i don't know what to do to start i pinch her nose while she's sleeping. i'm standing on her neck with my timberlands. i'm sleeping in other women's beds. nothing's working. i'm exhausted. >> jimmy: got to switch to decaf. >> the new sports, i'm a big boxing fan but everyone likes mma, marshall -- whatever it is. >> jimmy: mixed martial arts.

>> everyone calls in about it. every time i put it on it weirds me out. in boxing the guys hit each other. every time i put it on there's a guy spread eagle and a guy laying on top of him and they're not -- they're almost like talking like cuddling for a little while. and then all of a sudden they just start punching each other in the face and what it looks like to me two gay guys are having sex and one of the guys realizes he's not gay and starts fighting. >> jimmy: nick and artie "the nick and artie" show. on the radio and coming to directv. >> yeah, directv. >> jimmy: we'll be right back with atticus shaffer.

crunchy, roasted peanuts. meet soft, chewy caramel. for the energy to keep you going. who wouldn't want to be a part of that? payday. the sweet taste of energy.

'cause i'm like a savings ninja. ok... [ male announcer ] black friday's here. deals start thursday 10 pm. but we're open all day and night fighting. ay. walmart.

[ applause ] >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series sponsored by bud light. to stream off-air performances and other music videos go to jimmykimmellive.com. for some, it's a lifelong passion. for others, it's something discovered yesterday.

we all have things that speak to us. they drive us to get up early, and stay up late. getting lost in the things we love has never felt quite like this. it's here! it's here! tittering nervously]

take toast. spread with i can't believe it's not butter! add jacques. he's french. mmmm. [ male announcer ] fresh butter taste that's irresistible. i can't believe it's not butter! and started earning loads of points. you got a weather balloon with points? yes, i did. [ man ] points i could use for just about anything. ♪ keep on going in this direction. take this bridge over here. there it is. [ man ] so i used mine to get a whole new perspective. ♪ [ male announcer ] write your story with the citi thankyou premier card, with no point caps, and points that don't expire. get started at thankyoucard.citi.com. going to stop me is weak thighs. here and the last thing that's and points that don't expire. mountain series, level 10. backwards.

starts friday morning at midnight.

[ applause ] >> jimmy: lady antebellum will join us. our next guest is a very talented young man who we hope will grow up to be nothing like nick or artie, one of the stars of "the middle." please welcome atticus shaffer. hey, atticus. how are you doing? >> good. how about you. >> jimmy: how old are you. >> i'm 13. >> jimmy: that means pg-13 movies can you go to on your own. that's a big age, teenage. >> definitely, definitely. >> jimmy: this is the third season of "the middle." are people recognizing you. >> yeah, they really have been. there have been a lot of -- there have been a lot of people that recognize me and i'm into the used to it. when i see people staring at me, is there a booger in my nose, but -- >> jimmy: then that one day where there is -- >> yeah, there is, yeah. yeah.

no, but there have been -- i don't want to say strange but there have been unique people that come up to me and how they react to the show and i really like to see it because i like feedback because -- >> jimmy: what will they say to you. >> well, i mean them's say, there was this -- actually this one time we were at comicon for my other show, voice over show i do "fish hooks." we were walking to dinner, myself, my mom and my brother and the man -- another man and his girl come up to us and walking by and go, can we do a photo-op? i'm thinking what does he mean. oh, that, yeah, so i just agreed and he goes, this is awesome. he gets the camera over the girl and he comes over to me. oh, we're such huge fans of "modern family." nice to meet you, bye. and -- >> jimmy: that rubbed you the wrong way. >> then he -- then he -- his

mood changes. no, wait, it's "the middle." i remember it because -- mike is a fan of the cloth and i am too. it made me made when -- last year and -- oh, my god. i love this kid! >> jimmy: you realized that adults can't be trusted. >> yeah. okay, yeah, take the picture, please. i just want to go. >> jimmy: last time you were here -- how many pets do you have. >> a lot. >> jimmy: a lot what are the highlights petwise? >> well, everything. really i mean you have -- we have the cat, the dog, the chicken, unfortunately this summer has been the summer of passing on because we've lost a couple of our pets but we also -- >> jimmy: what did you lose. >> we lost a rabbit and our three birds. but -- >> jimmy: three birds. >> three bird, not chickens. just regular birds. >> jimmy: just regular birds. was there a police

investigation? >> a small one, but -- >> jimmy: there was. >> the cats didn't do it so we were okay. >> jimmy: have you replaced these animals? >> we have because -- what we really like in our house because we live in the country we love byrdsong. we like to hear it come around and if we're upstairs we like to hear them sing with each other so we did get two new parakeets and they're just so sweet. one of them actually does have mutton chops which is very -- which is very sweet. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you -- facial hair on a parakeet? >> yeah, it scared me too when i first -- but, no, they're just so sweet. they love each other. they love being in the house and we've put them right by the window so they can see all the other birds flying around. >> jimmy: that's great. almost like being in prison. >> yeah. >> jimmy: with a view of the mall. >> i wish i was there. >> jimmy: but i can't get through.

are you -- what's your plan for the holiday weekend? what do you do for thanksgiving. >> my mom is definitely cook up a big thanksgiving dinner which is really good. >> jimmy: nice. >> not from -- from the cafe. no, but a nice homemade dinner and actually myself, my mom and my brother are going away to disney world for about a week. >> jimmy: a week, wow. >> definitely. >> jimmy: that's a lot of fun. something you've done before. >> no, we've never done it before and there's actually a really nice story behind it. is my brother, when he was 13, my mom had saved up enough money to go to disney world in florida to travel there and about ten days before the vacation a bully pushed him down at school and hurt his leg and they weren't able to go so it's really cool. a way to right a wrong done a long time ago and i get to be a part of it. >> jimmy: and you didn't even get pushed down the stairs. nice. [ applause ] >> jimmy: that bully, do you

guys hire somebody to break his kneecaps or anything like that. >> well, let's just say he learned his lesson, yeah. >> jimmy: you must like amusement parks because i have a picture of you at lego land where i have not been to lego land but the statue of liberty is made of legos. >> what they do -- this was the lego land in florida that just recently opened. i was going to look at the construction. it was cool to see how they construct it but what they did is they made a mini usa and took a picture of one of the seasons of "the middle" and made a mini lander of me and i can put it anywhere i want in mini land usa and i was able to put it right there on the base of the statue of liberty. >> we have a closer shot. >> jimmy: there's you right there. >> lig lego land there welcoming the immigrants into florida. [ applause ] >> jimmy: that's nice. >> yeah.

>> jimmy: that's pretty cool. will it be there forever. >> as far as i know, yes. >> jimmy: well, if it isn't, cause a lot of trouble when you get there. you had -- norm mcdonald was on your show last week. >> yeah, he was. >> jimmy: you guys drove together. i know norm does not know how to drive, right. >> correct, yeah, he doesn't know how to drive and. >> jimmy: so did you do the driving? >> well, what they did -- and this was really good is they took one of the guys and what they did because the bottom of the truck was big enough to fit a person down there, they had him work the brakes and all i had to do was steer. >> jimmy: really. >> i drove right past a $500 something camera with a guy that doesn't know how to drive. >> jimmy: like a dream come true. >> well, no, not really. >> jimmy: it wasn't. >> no, i was -- i was scared to death at the same time the adrenaline is bumping because it

is a different experience, but, yeah. >> jimmy: you've got norm in the car with you. >> and i've got norm in the car which he was really cool. he was really cool to work with him because i like when we have guest stars because with the regular cast members you have the same stories you know who they are. >> jimmy: they're boring. >> not -- in -- yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, it's very good to see you. i hope you have fun at disney world. not disneyland. good times and hopefully something terrible will happen to the bully. atticus shaffer, everybody. "the middle" wednesday nights at 8:00 on abc. be right back with lady antebellum. [ cheers and applause ] da

>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series sponsored by bud light. >> jimmy: this is their latest album "own the night" here with the song "we own the night," lady antebellum. >> stick your hands in the air.h the song "we own the night," lady antebellum. >> stick your hands in the air. with the song "we own the night," lady antebellum. >> stick your hands in the air. ♪ tell me have you ever wanted someone so much it hurts ♪ ♪ your lips keep trying to speak but you just can't find the words ♪ ♪ well i had this dream once

and i held it in my hands ♪ ♪ she was the purest beauty but not the common kind ♪ ♪ she had a way about her that made you feel alive ♪ ♪ and for a moment we made the world stand still ♪ ♪ yeah, we owned the night ♪ ♪ you had me dim the lights you danced just like a child ♪ ♪ the wine spilled on your dress and all you did was smile ♪ ♪ yeah, it was perfect and i hold it in my mind ♪ ♪ yeah, we owned the night

oh, yeah ♪ ♪ ♪ when the summer rolls around and the sun starts sinking down ♪ ♪ i still remember you oh i remember you ♪ ♪ and i wonder where you are are you looking at those same stars again do you remember when ♪ ♪ we woke under a blanket all tangled up in skin not knowing in that moment we'd never speak again ♪ ♪ but it was perfect i never will forget ♪ ♪ oh i never will forget ♪ when we owned the night ♪ ♪ yeah, we

owned the night, yeah ♪ ♪ >> all right, everybody, sing. ♪ whoa oh-oh oh whoa oh-oh oh ♪ ♪ whoa oh-oh oh whoa oh-oh oh ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i want to an artie language and nick dipaolo. i want to thank atticus shaffer and william shatner. i want to apologize to damon. you can see the full