tonight on "jimmy kimmel live." armie hammer. >> i think little people are mad at you, dude. >> some of them don't like me, yes. >> no, no, no. all of them don't like you. >> from "body of proof," jeri ryan. >> craigslist holiday gift ideas. >> this is david hasselhoff statue. >> jimmy: does it ever get drunk and vomit on your carpet? >> and music from t-pain. >> jimmy: no male prostitute i

>> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with news about fuel tv's upcoming reality show. four camps of eight compete in adventures designed by action stars. for you chance to compete for one of four brand-new ford vehicles, just submit a video to octaneacademy.com. my friends are outside making theirs right now. >> okay. i think it's working. >> action. >> hi, i'm guillermo along with my assistant. i want to go to the octane academy. i have the right attitude. that's why i want to go to the octane academy. >> no, i want to go to octane

academy! >> no, listen to me! pick me! i want to go to octane academy! >> no, take me! >> listen to me! i want to go to academy! listen to me! >> jimmy: i think he wants us to listen to him is the point. >> think you have what it takes? submit a video and prove it. you have till january 31st to make the cut. on my team, you need to bring it. bring it. bring it. on my team, we go hard every day. every day. on my team, there are no, days, off. on my team, there'll be epic challenges to test your athleticism, attitude, and audacity.

if you can't take it... you're not gonna make it. you won't make it. we want those who can. we want you. make a video. make it big. you might make the team. do it now at octane academy dot com. ♪ hark how the bells, sweet silver bells, all seem to say, ♪dong ♪ throw cares away, christmas is here, bringing good cheer, ♪ ♪ to young and old, meek and the bold, ding dong ding, dong, ♪ ♪ that is their song, with joyful ring, all caroling, ♪ ♪ one seems to hear, words of good cheer, from everywhere, ♪ ♪ filling the air, oh how they pound, raising the sound, ♪ ♪ o'er hill and dale, telling their tale, gaily they ring, ♪ ♪ while people sing, songs of good cheer, christmas is here. ♪ ♪ merry, merry, merry, merry christmas ♪ i know. this is great.

you know, i feel like... did you just check the game on your phone? what? no! what am i, like some kind of summoner who can just summon footage to his phone like that? come on. i guess i'm just a little... [ grunts ] oversensitive. it's just that you and i -- yes! [ male announcer ] only at&t's network lets your iphone download 3x faster. at&t. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- armie hammer. jeri ryan. and music from t-pain.

with cleto and the cletones. and now, by popular demand, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everyone. thank you, cleto. hi, i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. thank you for braving the elements to be here tonight. it's cold. it's cold in l.a. it's cold in our studio. the weekend before last, it was 80 degrees, now it's 40. which is like -- it's almost half, right? [ laughter ] right now i'm wearing two pants of yoga pants just to stay warm. [ laughter ] i know 40 degrees doesn't sound like much to people in minnesota who have to thaw their children out with hair dryers every morning to send them to school -- [ laughter ] but we're not used to it here and it's starting to take its toll on our local news teams. >> it has been so cold,

like, with a capital f. i had to put on flannel pajamas and socks to go to bed. >> what did you just say? cold with a capital f? >> f. freezing. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, it's f'ing freezing outside. i would have guessed fahrenheit. i don't know why. the good news is, we might be able to leave this freezing cold planet very soon. nasa has discover what they believe might be the first alien planet that can sustain human life. they're calling it -- the planet is kepler 22-b. catchy. [ laughter ] it's only 600 light years away. which means if we send the kardashians now, they should get there by 2612? i guess? 600 light years. that means it would take 600 years for any information we transmit to be received on that planet.

which may explain why they still haven't responded to our friend request. it was spotted by nasa's kepler spacecraft, which has already identified more than 2,000 potential planets. it's only been up there for 16 months. scientists from nasa are hoping that on at least one of these planets they might have some girls who will talk to them. [ laughter ] does it make anyone else nervous that nasa is constantly looking for other planets to sustain human life? makes me worried that they know something very bad about this planet. and they're not telling us. nasa says the climate on kepler 22-b is a lot like ours. the average temper temperature is the same as a pleasant day here on earth and it looks like mtv already has plans for it. >> this spring, nasa in association with mtv present an out of this world television event. join snooki and the rest of this gang as they travel 600 light years from earth to find the one place where people don't hate them yet.

"jersey shore kepler 22-b." >> we're going to outer space, bitches! >> jimmy: well, i think that looks like fine programming, i tell you. [ applause ] and then khloe and kim will take kepler. speaking of new jersey, in medford, new jersey, today, the mayor resigned. chris myers is a republican, married, two kids and being accused of -- anyone? anyone want to take a guess? that's right, sex with a male prostitute. i guess he got mad that the mayor gave him only $500 and didn't deliver on his promise of a car and other gifts. that's what he said. apparently he had the mayor confused with oprah. because who gets a car? no male prostitute i ever went to asked for a car. [ laughter ] so, to get back at the mayor, or something, the guy posted this picture on a website of a man who looks a lot like mayor meyers. i think that's him.

either that or calvin klein is going in a very different direction with their new ad campaign. [ laughter ] makes you wonder, why would a guy that good-looking have to go to a prostitute of any kind? if his wife has any sense of humor, she'll send that out as their family christmas card this year. there have been so many gay sex scandals in politics over the last few years, it was almost kind of refreshing to see herman cain and his shenanigans. cain suspended his campaign for president on saturday. a 13-year long extra marital affair a woman says they had. cain's next big move is to endorse another candidate now that he's out. now, most people presume he will support newt gingrich, the other candidates are working pretty hard to get his supporters on their side. most especially rick perry, who released this new ad today that it's clearly targeted at orphaned herman cain fans. >> we have come to this conclusion that it would be best to suspend this campaign. >> now that herman cain has suspended his run for president,

there's only one gop candidate left who can keep us laughing. >> commerce, education and the uh -- what's the third one there? let's see. and, uh, the -- uh -- uh -- i can't. the third one i can't, sorry. oops. >> rick perry. >> live free or die. victory or death. bring it! >> strong. dumb. perry funny. >> available at walgreens. >> jimmy: wait a second. what row? what aisle? let's do this. we deserve him. [ applause ] i don't know if you heard this but the u.s. postal service is in trouble right now, financial trouble. the post office lost $5.1 billion last year. and you know that $5 check your grandmother sends at christmas? they lost that, too. yesterday, the postmaster general -- which is a very fancy

title for a guy who makes sure you get your omaha steak catalog -- announced a plan to cut $2.1 billion from the budget. 28,000 postal workers would be laid off and it would put an end to next-day mail service. good, yes, make the mail slower. that is the way to save it. [ laughter ] the new plan is a last-ditch effort for the -- they tried everything. they tried closing post offices, raised the price of postage. they had the viagra stamp for a while. remember that? you lick it? that didn't work. now they're cutting staff. basically everyone is fired and the mail will be delivered every other year. which is fine. that's why i only send letters via carrier pigeon. unless they hit a ceiling fan, they never let me down. are you all getting into the holiday spirit? [ applause ] guillermo, are you getting into the holiday spirit? >> of course. >> jimmy: you are? by the way, when are you going to invite me to your house to see the new baby? >> next week. >> jimmy: next week? >> for sure. >> jimmy: i would like to see

him before he grows a mustache. >> okay. next week for sure. >> jimmy: very good. i definitely feel ready for the holidays. my halls are decked. my bells are jingled. i'm staying up late tonight nogging the eggs. the whole deal. last night here on abc, the charlie brown christmas special officially kicked the holiday season off. if you haven't seen the charlie brown special in a while, charlie brown directs a christmas play starring all his friends but he has a hard time being in charge because none of the kids will listen to him. it's pathetic. so, this year, to help charlie out, we replaced his voice with the more commanding voice of donald trump. and i think you'll see here, charlie brown is a whole new man. >> you know, the worst employee is a good employee. a bad employee is fine, because you fire that person right away. but a good employee, you never sort of fire them. but they never lead you to the next level. they just keep their job. they're sort of too good to be fired but they're not good enough, you're never going to do great. so, i always say, the worst

employee isn't a bad employee, it's just a good or average employee. ♪ you're fired. [ applause ] >> jimmy: donald trump. looks good bald. he should go for that. and one more thing. with the holidays, there's a lot of pressure over the holidays as far as buying gifts goes. it's hard to come up with an original idea. for the past two weeks, we've been scouring craigslist. we found some great holiday gift ideas for every price range. i am always fascinated by the things people choose to put on sale on craigslist. so, tonight, we invited the sellers themselves with their items to show off their treasures and it's time now to share "craigslist holiday gift ideas." all right. let's meet our first seller. phillip. come on out, phillip. there we go.

there's phillip. [ applause ] how are you? >> good, how are you doing? >> jimmy: good. happy holidays. now, you are -- tell us what you're selling and how much you want for it? >> my aunt is sell ago january -- well, not a january, a 2011 calendar -- >> jimmy: 2011, okay. >> calendar. for $3. and you'll note this has a coffee stain on it. >> jimmy: uh-huh. so, this calendar is good for another -- >> two weeks. >> jimmy: two weeks. and you want $3 for it. did she arrive at that price? >> she did. >> jimmy: and how did she happen upon that? she thought, there are three weeks left, that's like a dollar a week -- >> maybe. maybe. she probably looked at how deep the coffee stain went and -- >> jimmy: did she stain it herself? >> i have no idea where the stain came from. >> jimmy: well, if you would like to purchase this for, i don't know, a loved one. maybe this would be a great gift for -- if you have a bad kid. you can go to craigslist los angeles and search for desk calendar 2011 and you can buy

it. thank you, phillip. [ applause ] our next seller is jeff. oh, hi, jeff. how are you? >> fine, thank you. >> jimmy: thank you for coming. now, jeff, you have what? >> i have an authentic vintage t.j. hooker cast and crew jacket. >> jimmy: that's beautiful. >> that was given by william shatner to his second wife, marcy. >> jimmy: how did you get ahold of this? >> well, i got ahold of marcy as much as i dated her for awhile after bill. >> jimmy: she didn't want the jacket? >> she didn't. she gave it to me to give to my mother. my mother in turn didn't want the jacket. >> jimmy: is your mother named marcy? >> no. >> jimmy: i can see why -- and your mother didn't want the word hooker on her back. >> she actually did notice that. so, no, she didn't want it. >> jimmy: how much are you asking for this beautiful item? >> this is $250 or best offer. >> jimmy: if you would like to buy this lovely jacket, go to

craigslist los angeles and search "william shatner t.j. hooker jacket and jeff will deliver it to your home. thank you. up next is alex. alex, tell us what you have here. >> i have 20 slightly expired ovulation strips. >> jimmy: ovulation strips. these are used for what? >> these are to tell whether or not you are fertile enough to have a baby. >> jimmy: and when you say slightly used -- >> expired. >> jimmy: how expired are they? >> 2005. >> jimmy: 2005. and you are asking how much for these? >> $1, all 22. >> jimmy: $1 for all of them? >> yes. >> jimmy: and is that a problem, the fact that they expired many, many years ago? >> my wife who is a chemist tells me that that -- the expiration date is basically what manufacturers just put so that they can sell more. >> jimmy: your wife is a chemist and you guys are selling things

for $1 on craigslist? >> yes, we are. >> jimmy: okay. is she an alchemist? >> if only. >> jimmy: if only. and what happens if somebody uses this and then they think they're not pregnant and it turns out they are. will you and your wife raise their child for them? >> no, that's why we are only charging a dollar. >> jimmy: okay, that's why you're only charging a dollar. all right. well, if you are looking for a low-priced way to find out if you are pregnant, and who isn't now a days, go to craigslist los angeles and search ovulation test strips and -- you can get that. oh, hi there. how are you? >> hey, jimmy. >> jimmy: this is vaughn. what do you have? >> i have a figurine in the image or the likeness of michael jackson. >> jimmy: how much are you asking? >> $40. >> jimmy: what is this history of this? >> my mom was cleaning out boxes and she was going to toss it and i said give it to me, i'm going to sell it. >> jimmy: is this a favor artist, a picasso? >> the guy's name is tom cook

and when i first saw it i didn't think it was actually michael jackson. i didn't think it looked like him. maybe if you gave him a fedora, a chimp and he was moonwalking. >> jimmy: but this is a young michael, shortly after he fell out of a plane. >> right. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and broke his neck. >> with the nose job. but there is a glove there, i don't know if you can see that. >> jimmy: okay, all right. >> and when i looked it up online it said "tribute to michael jackson" and it's supposed to be a nome dancing to james brown's "good foot." that's the history of it. >> jimmy: if you would like this beautiful piece of art for your home or perhaps even a church, that would be nice, you can go to craigslist los angeles and search michael jackson figurine and there you will find it. only $45. all right. next we have greg. hello. how are you?

>> hi, jimmy. >> jimmy: i see you have the shirt that says greg and greg's window cleaning. what are you selling? >> my two partially used cans of chewing gum remover. >> jimmy: how used are they? mind if i check? >> quarter of -- >> jimmy: seems like there are some there. and you use these to remove chewing gum from? >> from carpet. >> jimmy: from carpet. and is that something you run into a lot? >> not so much anymore but when i first started out we were a full janitorial service, over the years we became just a window cleaning business so i no longer have the need for them. and placed them on craigslist. >> jimmy: and at what point did you decide -- how much did you want for these? >> $1 per can. >> jimmy: you decided, i'm going to place an ad and field phone calls and then have a stranger come to my house for a potential $2 score. >> i actually -- when i post something on craigslist, i won't ever tell them where i live, i meet them -- >> jimmy: okay, all right, even better then. you will drive, spending who

knows how much in gasoline, and then delivery is free of charge? >> um -- they have to come pick it up. >> jimmy: they have to come meet you at some sort of a point. and you are -- gum is a big problem, it's one of our biggest problems now a days, right? >> yeah, ruins the carpet. >> jimmy: all right, greg, thank you. if you'd like to buy greg's chewing gum remover, go to craigslist los angeles and search chewing gum remover for sale. and one more, we have one more item, our big ticket item here and this is stewart. hi, stewart. >> jimmy, how are you doing? >> jimmy: doing well. tell everyone what this is. >> this is the animatronic david hasselhoff statue from the movie set "spongebob squarepants." >> jimmy: so this is an item -- this was in the movie? >> yes. >> jimmy: and used for what in the movie? >> that i don't -- >> jimmy: you haven't seen the movie?

>> i haven't seen the movie. i just brought the prop. >> jimmy: how long have you had this? >> i had it since july 2007. >> jimmy: it looks a little bit damaged. do you know why that is? >> when it was at the auction house, i guess a dog thought it was real and jumped up and bit it in its breast. >> jimmy: have you considered selling this in germany where you could get a lot more money for it? >> i recently just heard about doing that. >> jimmy: you have? okay. and you say it's animatronic. does it do anything? >> um -- yes. it -- the head moves just like this. >> jimmy: that's -- does it ever get drunk and vomit on your carpet? >> no, but you know, it eats cheese burgers. >> jimmy: well, let me just say, what child wouldn't come down the stairs on christmas morning and be absolutely delighted to see something like this? well, thank you very much. if you would like to buy this item, and who wouldn't, go to craigslist los angeles, search

david hasselhoff movie prop. thank you very much. thanks to all our sellers. we have a good show for you tonight. you can stay here with david. jeri ryan is here. we have music from t-pain. and we'll be right back with armie hammer, too, so stick around. so humpty dumpty had a... great fall. ugh, it's my sinus congestion, and it's all your fault. naturally blame the mucus. he's funny. instead of blaming me, try this, advil congestion relief. often the real problem is swelling, not mucus. advil congestion relief reduces swelling due to nasal inflammation. so i can breathe. happily ever after. another story? from him! [ mucus ] advil congestion relief. the right relief for the real problem.

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>> jimmy: hi there, welcome back. tonight on the show, from "body of proof" here on abc, jeri ryan is with us. and then, with music from this album, it came out today, it's called "revolver." t-pain from the bud light outdoor stage. tomorrow night, we'll be joined by the likes of russell brand. jane fonda. and we'll have music from lukas nelson & promise of the real. and on thursday jeremy renner.

judy greer. and music from chevelle. hey, speaking of music, our announcer dicky barrett's band the mighty mighty bosstones has a new album, just came out today. their first new album in what, how long? >> dicky: ah -- two years? >> jimmy: 40 years. it's called "the magic of youth." >> dicky: two years. >> jimmy: i thought you told me 40. will you sing one of the songs for us? >> dicky: right now? [ applause ] which one would you like to -- do it next week at guillermo's house. >> jimmy: very good. and you can get this on craigslist? >> dicky: yeah. >> jimmy: you can get it on itunes, amazon and even record stores if they still exist. the mighty mighty bosstones, everybody. >> dicky: thank you, jimmy. >> jimmy: you're welcome. thank you for bringing us music once again. >> dicky: thank you. >> jimmy: you know our first guest tonight from two roles in one movie. he played the winklevoss twins in "the social network." now he plays two of the same guy, both old and young,

opposite leonardo dicaprio. the movie is called "j. edgar." please welcome armie hammer. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are you? >> good. >> jimmy: were you interested in any of the craigslist things because you can get a jump on that -- >> oh, yeah, i got on my phone backstage and bid on a couple -- that t.j. hooker jacket, i'm down. >> jimmy: good looking stuff. have you bought anything from craigslist? >> i'm not so much the craiglister but my wife is all over it and she's like shrewd with the craigslist. like, she'll do the thing where she shows up with all the money but will be like, i only brought half. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> your move. >> jimmy: giving her secrets away. >> now everyone knows. >> jimmy: yeah, well -- that's something. so, she's a hard negotiator? >> and she'll look for -- you know, everything from like electronics to antiques, all that kind of thing. she's all over it, yeah. >> jimmy: does she sell things? on craigslist, too?

>> yeah, yeah. she'll sell, buy, anything. >> jimmy: wow. that seems dangerous. she's got to stop with that. >> i mean, she's all over it. i'll be in the background like, everything cool? you can have that kindle, sure. >> jimmy: wow, that's something else. and you and your wife are opening a bakery. >> this is true, yeah. that's one of the things we're putting on craigslist! >> jimmy: the bakery? >> not the whole thing. we're advertising in san antonio for bakers in craigslist. any bakers, are like, come on, we'll take advantage of your skills. >> jimmy: you have no bakers? >> we have some. but -- >> jimmy: what kind of things are you baking? >> it's like cupcakes, mini-pies, lemon bars. the whole thing. >> jimmy: nice. are you participating in the baking in the bakery? >> strictly as a taster. i mean, i -- i got to be honest, i eat nine cupcakes a day. at this point. it's ridiculous. >> jimmy: that sounds like a good job to have. >> i might have the same blood sugar as b.b. king. i'm not even lying, it's absurd. but -- like, it's gotten to the point now where if i eat a

cupcake, i can be like, mm, too much cornstarch. i can tell those things now. it's ridiculous. >> jimmy: and does your wife take criticism well when you say -- >> yeah, yeah, because if i lie and i'm like, this is delicious, she'd be like, how dare you not be honest with me. >> jimmy: oh, so she's -- >> well, she's a journalist so everything has to be 100% honesty all the time. >> jimmy: yeah, except when she shows up to buy things on craigslist. >> yeah, yeah. sorry, baby. >> jimmy: this seems crazy to me you're doing this because aren't you right now playing prince charming in the snow white movie? >> yes. i'm playing prince alcott. the term prince charming makes me want to puke. >> jimmy: oh, so that's not his real name? >> no, no, no, no. >> jimmy: prince alcott. >> yeah. >> jimmy: okay. and the prince -- snow white -- there are two snow white movie. this one is called "mirror mirror." this is the good one. >> the best one. that we're comparing. >> jimmy: and who else is in this movie with you? >> lily collins, julia roberts, nathan lane. robert ems.

it's a great cast. fun actors. >> jimmy: sounds pretty great. and the dwarfs, will they be cgi, because i was disappointed in willy wonka was cgi. i like to see real -- >> but they had a real little person. >> jimmy: but they mult plied him -- >> fair enough. no, no, these are these are real people playing them. and -- >> jimmy: good. >> your name came up. i'm not going to lie. i think little people are mad at you, dude. >> jimmy: some of them don't like me. >> no, no, no. all of them don't like you. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: really? >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: all of them? >> i remember when we were filming, lily came to be on your show, and i remember one of the guys who i'm not going to name but he was like, jimmy kimmel, huh -- >> jimmy: was it sneezy? >> you got it. it was. >> jimmy: really? >> apparently, i think you pissed off a couple of little people. >> jimmy: i know what i did. >> what? i don't know. >> jimmy: like a million things. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: i'm always going into their houses and putting things on the high shelves. >> sure, sure.

just take it, no, just grab it, sure. >> jimmy: they didn't say why? i'm worried now. concerned about my safety. >> jimmy, i think you'll be okay. >> jimmy: i'm like gulliver to them. because i think, i don't know, like, maybe 13 years ago, i found out that they had a championship basketball team, they have their own basketball league. and i decided it would be a good idea if i and the guys from the show, the radio station that i worked for at kroc, took their team on. and -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: and we beat them on a last-second three-point shot. >> okay. i've got a story that can beat that. robert ems, who plays my valet in the movie, he's my man servant for all intents and purposes. i had to actually know how to fight for the movie, so, they were like, we're really going to train you with swords and learning how to flip and all

this kind of stuff so you know how to do it. but with robert, they're like, you don't have to learn how to fight, so we'll stick you here. and he shows up for the first day, you know, you guys have to warm up, run around a lot. so you guys just all play tag. and robert's like -- you want me to play tag with these guys? yeah, yeah, just play tag. and he said -- no joke, it was, like, you're it. okay, you're it. no running on his part, just like reaching and tagging people. >> jimmy: he's not a -- >> he's -- he's a normy, i guess. >> jimmy: normy and a cliffie -- yeah. i love the idea that you're going to work every day and surrounded by real dwarves. >> yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: and then cupcakes later on. some life you've carved out for yourself. >> if only it was keebler elves. then we'd have it covered. >> jimmy: i was reading about you last night. your great grandfather, i read a lot of stuff about him. he was a real character. >> yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: he was one of the many

people who j. edgar hoover kept an eye on. >> hated. yeah, absolutely. >> jimmy: hated your great grandfather. >> well, my great grandfather at the time, you know, all the way up through the cold war, he was a private u.s. citizen that could fly between the united states and russia and back and forth as much as he wanted just because of the connections he had. hoover was immediately like, spy, definitely a spy. >> jimmy: do you think he was a spy? >> i mean -- i wouldn't put it past him. who knows, man? >> jimmy: he might have been. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and so -- and so, now, you're in this movie playing, essentially, j. edgar hoover's boyfriend. >> yeah, yeah. which the fbi was not happy about. >> jimmy: are they still protecting hoover, to this day? >> oh, yeah. oh, yeah. if you ask any, like, current, you know, agent of the fbi, you know, what's the deal? the director is an honorable man. he is the most perfectly structured -- like, they still fear that guy, like he will come out of the grave. go through their trash or something. >> jimmy: maybe he will come

out. he used to go through your great grandfather's trash? >> there was definitely -- i remember stories as a kid of, like, they went through the trash or they listened on the phone and that kind of thing and i just remember thinking, all right, you guys might be full of yourselves. but then i read the script and i was like, holy crap, maybe this did happen. >> jimmy: what great revenge you got on ol' j. edgar, playing his boyfriend. we have a clip here from the movie. you need to set this up? >> this isn't me planting one on him? >> jimmy: no. no, it isn't, unfortunately. but maybe you and i will kiss after the clip just to give everyone a thrill. >> whatever it takes to get me back here, sure. >> jimmy: no. this is leonardo dicaprio playing j. edgar hoover. >> and clyde tolsen played by a much less talented actor named armey hammer, the two of them doing a scene after a senate hearing. >> jimmy: here we go. >> i want you to start a file on him immediately. four agents on him at all times. i want to know what's in his trash and i want you to photograph him at every dinner. don't get in the car.

you can walk back. >> inspector, we have lunch. we don't miss lunch, no matter what. remember? >> you pulled away from me in there. >> you perjured yourself in there. the lie is an easily provable one. if you continue to prove it there's no telling -- >> find agent pervis. he's to be demoted immediately. better yet, fired. >> firing the man who killed john dillinger would be a p.r. disaster. >> then he's to spend the rest of his career behind a desk and if he'd like to keep that job, he'd best stay out the papers. >> jimmy: there you go. it's called "j. edgar." armie hammer, everybody. great to see you. we'll be right back with jeri ryan. ♪ here ...this is my world. this place inspires me... ...to be tougher... ...to stay sharper... ...to think faster. they may be just streets to you... ...but to me... ...they're a playground.

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>> jimmy: hi there. still to come, t-pain will be with us. when the internet was still in its adolescence, millions of "star trek" fans pushed their dial-up modems to the point of exhaustion downloading images of our next guest. you can see her now, sans-unitard, alongside dana delany on "body of proof." it airs tuesdays at 10:00 here on abc. please say hello to jeri ryan. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i heard you have laryngitis. >> this is my first day with any sort of voice. it's not mine yet. >> jimmy: how long have you been

voiceless? >> this is day six. previous five days, there was no literally no sound coming out of my mouth at all. >> jimmy: would it just be like kind of a whistling choking noise that came out of your mouth? >> pretty much. >> jimmy: how did this happen? >> i had a cold, i got a cold wednesday, thursday from my daughter. she shared. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> thursday, halfway through the day at work, i was sitting there for 20 minutes and it was just gone. >> jimmy: how old is your daughter? >> she's 3 1/2. >> jimmy: did you punish her? for giving her the cold? >> i beat her a few times. >> jimmy: so, you had to work through this whole thing. >> i -- yesterday i worked all day. the previous few days i had off which was great. i was off friday and the weekend. i carried around my ipad and go to the notes and type things in. >> jimmy: you would type what you needed to say? >> yeah. i couldn't talk. the only way to get it back is rest it. >> jimmy: they didn't have any paper or pens? you had to use the ipad? >> i've become kind of attracted to my technology. i didn't used to. >> jimmy: that's something else. now, your husband is a chef.

>> he is. >> jimmy: he's a french chef. >> yes. >> jimmy: from france, yes? >> yes, as opposed to the nonfrench -- >> well, there are some french chefs that aren't from france -- >> well, that's true. the french-style food, yes. >> jimmy: and you are very interested in restaurants and all that stuff. do you cook -- have you cooked in his restaurant? >> i love to cook. when i met him, i was cooking for fun on sundays in another restaurant which is no longer with us, which i'm sure had nothing to do with my cooking there. >> jimmy: so you would go to work? >> yeah, i would go there sundays just for fun. i was working the line every night. every sunday night. >> jimmy: where would you work on the line? what were you in charge of? >> sunday nights they had a limited menu because they did family style. one meat course, one fish course. i did the vegetarian entree because i couldn't cook the meat and would screw up the fish. >> jimmy: was that fun for you? >> it was amazing. so exciting. and you -- it's exhausting and you work horribly long hours and every muscle in your body hurts the next day but you get out of

a service at 12:30, and you are dripping with sweat but there's so much adrenaline, you are literally bouncing up and down. you're so excited. so fun. >> jimmy: the rest of the staff, were their minds blown that you were there working with them? >> no, i don't think they really cared. >> jimmy: they didn't? >> it was fun. the chef that i became friends with to get to work there, you know, it was a very -- they had music playing, everything like that, but i was a wreck the first time i was working the line. she, you know, made me a drink to calm me down before service. so the next week i go in and it's me and the chef, we have a drink before service. pretty soon, the whole kitchen, that was the weekly thing every sunday. >> jimmy: you pulled the whole staff into alcoholism. >> just the kitchen staff, you know. >> jimmy: is the place still open? >> no, oddly enough. >> jimmy: wow. you devastated an eating establishment. so, you've now worked in your husband's restaurant -- >> it's a very, very different kitchen that he runs.

he runs the classic french fine dining kitchen. . >> jimmy: very serious. >> there is no talking. there is no chatting. >> jimmy: does he yell? >> oh, god, yeah. we had a stainless steel cutting board, counter, and it was all dented up because he would bang a pepper mill on it. >> jimmy: oh, he's one of those -- >> very french. >> jimmy: does he do that at home? like when he's making breakfast? >> no, he knows better. >> jimmy: okay, good. that's probably good. do "star trek" fans still chase you around and -- because -- do you go to the conventions? >> i couldn't do them for quite a few years because i had some talker issues but now they've beefed up the security for me -- >> jimmy: oh, really? >> it's really fun. >> jimmy: they set their phasers to kill. oh, so, you had -- oh, wow, you had "star trek" stalkers. >> yeah, two actual stalkers.

>> jimmy: they're worse than regular stalkers, you know. and so now you go and you'll participate in this -- >> you go and you talk on stage and answer questions and the fans are so passionate and so loyal and, really, they're good people. fun to interact with them. >> jimmy: as long as security is around, sure. >> yes. >> jimmy: dana delany was here, your co-star from "body of proof" last week, and she brought some of the most horrible things that i've seen in my life. >> come on. that's good stuff. >> jimmy: she brought eye balls. you like that stuff? >> i love the guts. >> jimmy: you guys use it on set. you do? >> that's the best part of the show. i love it. i love it. >> jimmy: you like working with guts? what is going on over there? all these women are -- >> this is the only show you can work on where you are sitting in the makeup trailer and somebody walks in and goes "we need another bucket of pus." that is a direct quote from "body of proof." it's awesome. i love it. >> jimmy: don't take that to the restaurant. that's one tradition you don't want to carry over there. and -- you're enjoying that. >> i get to watch autopsies. real ones.

>> jimmy: and that's good for you? see, because i wouldn't want to watch awe it utopsies. because there are dead people involved. >> there are dead people involved, interestingly enough, in autopsies. one of our technical advisers last season in rhode island, which is where we were shooting, is a man and so he was there assisting in both autopsies i got to watch. both were men. and so you have to remove all of the organs in an autopsy. and so once the chest cavity is completely empty, you remove the testicles. that's the male sex organ. right? >> jimmy: yeah. >> it's fascinating! once the chest cavity is empty and doctor was a female, you just take them and they pop inside out and it's like an egg and just pops right out. fascinating. but our technical adviser who does this professionally for a living and does thousands of these a year, both times, can i stand up? >> jimmy: yeah. >> both times when they got to that point, he's over here in the corner going -- [ laughter ] and had no idea he did it and the doctor said he does it for every single one and he had no idea.

>> jimmy: you always have compassion for your best friend. well, it's great to see you. thank you for coming. it smells good in here all of a sudden, like garlic. jeri ryan, everybody. "body of proof" airs tuesdays at 10:00 here on abc. we'll be right back with t-pain. [ dog ] i am a rockstar. my coat? solid gold. my insides? pure platinum. [ female announcer ] a healthy outside starts inside. new iams simple & natural has chicken as its number one ingredient and zero fillers. it works inside for health you can see on the outside.

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>> jimmy: this is his new album. it's called "revolver." it just came out today. here with the song "drowning again" -- t-pain. ♪ ♪ waves upon waves keep me down

and i can't get ♪ ♪ to the top but when i get there i'll still be nowhere 'cause i can't find ♪ ♪ the one i love and if i make it out then we should talk about how you left me ♪ ♪ just how you left me drowning again yeah drowning again yeah drowning again yeah ♪ ♪ you should come see how good it would be

to come drown with me oh oh oh ♪ ♪ oh oh oh days upon days i've been floatin' and you don't care ♪ ♪ if i die tonight but when i'm deceased i hope you will be dyin' next to me ♪ ♪ and my boat of regret and before we go i just want my baby to know how it would be to be ♪ ♪ drowning again yeah drowning again yeah

drowning again yeah you should come see ♪ ♪ how good it would be hey ya woah ooh ♪ ♪ ♪ oooh drowning again in your love

ahh in your love ♪ [ female announcer ] holiday plus cookies plus memories

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