news. on sunday, george stephanopoulos is back at the helm of "this week," with a very special guest, stephen colbert, who is exploring a presidential run. we're always online at abcnews.com. jimmy kimmel's next. have a great weekend. tonight on jimmy kimmel live. tracy morgan. >> i'm old-school. don't mess with tracy. you might get pregnant. >> there's a lot of fighting on "jersey shore" tonight. it didn't take long for tensions to flare up. >> chris paul. >> all of the clippers fans who have been here for a long time, we're going to give them something to cheer about.

so, this is delicious okay... is this where we're at now, we just eat whatever tastes good? like these sweet honey clusters... actually there's a half a day's worth of fiber in every ... why stop at cereal? bring on the pork chops and the hot fudge. fantastic. are you done sweetie? yea [ male announcer ] fiber beyond recognition. fiber one. hey, i love your ceal there-- it's got that sweet honey taste. but no way it's 80 calories, right? no way. lady, i just drive the truck. right, there's no way right, right? have a nice day. [ male announcer ] 80 delicious calories. fiber one.

>> jimmy: oh, hi. with news about neebo, who is giving out textbook rentals this month. the textbooks are expensive. something that this college student knows all-too well. >> hi. i'm guillermo. this is my house of textbooks. textbooks cost so much money, i have to live in them. >> too. >> guillermo, we're going for 5 cent wing night. you want to come in. >> i can't. i don't have 5 cents because i have to buy textbooks like this one. >> you should get free textbook

rentals from neebo like we do. >> free textbook rental at neebo? tell me more. >> at neebo, you can use money to rent textbooks. >> and i can move to a real house. that's great news, ladies. you want to go for a swim? >> you have a pool in that little house? >> no. but i have a bucket. >> yeah. party. >> let's go. >> dicky: 100,000 free textbook rentals. go to neebo.com and like neebo on facebook. plus, get 20% off all your textbooks. neebo has everything you need for college. "jimmy kimmel live," back in two minutes with tracy morgan, l.a. clipper, chris paul, and music minutes with tracy morgan, l.a. clipper, chris paul, and music from tune-yards. one story. pain doesn't have much of a place in my life. minutes with tracy morgan, l.a. clipper, chris paul, and music from tune-yards. i checked the schedule and it's not on it. [ laughs ] you never know when advil® is needed. well most people only know one side of my life. they see me on stage and they think that that is who i am.

there's many layers to everybody everywhere. singer, songwriter, philanthropist, father, life's a juggling act. when i have to get through the pain, i know where to go. [ male announcer ] take action. take advil®. and i've got to pick someone. [ thinking ] okay, you just ordered a crispy mcchicken and a fresh-brewed sweet tea for only a buck each off mcdonald's dollar menu, so you're smart. nah, i got nothing. ♪ absolutely. thank you so much. no problem. man: do your simple return with the turbotax federal free edition, and now get our free, one-on-one, expert tax advice, live by phone or chat. get the federal free edition, at turbotax.com. ugh, great. you may be going up, but those roots are bringing you down! try root touch-up by nice 'n easy. to extend the life of your color. nice 'n easy has 50% more shades, so you can find your seamless match. with root touch-up by nice 'n easy. so you can find your seamless match. what makes a hershey's bar pure?

pure togetherness. pure friendship. pure delicious chocolate. pure hershey's. and it hasn't been going exactly as planned. cut. cut! [ monica ] i thought we'd be on location for 3 days -- it's been 3 weeks. so i had to pick up some more things. good thing i've got the citi simplicity card. i don't get hit with a fee if i'm late with a payment... which is good because on this job, no! bigger! [ monica ] i may not be home for a while. [ male announcer ] the new citi simplicity card. no late fees. no penalty rate. no worries. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" [ cheers and applause ] tonight -- tracy morgan. l.a. clipper chris paul.

and music from tune-yards. with cleto and the cletones. and now, what luck. here's jimmy kimmel. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much. thank you, cleto. thank you. hi. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. welcome to my apartment. i'm glad you're enthusiastic because it's a big night for television tonight. tonight, "jersey shore" returned to mtv for a new season. which means that new year's resolution that we made to become a better person lasted exactly five days. [ laughter ] but it's so good to have them back vomiting on american soil again. [ laughter ] snooki lost quite a few pounds, too. i think she now weighs less than her hair.

if she gets any smaller, it could be trouble. she could get sucked up by a roomba. [ laughter ] the premiere was exciting. at first, they g'd and they t'd. i didn't know if they were going to l. but they suddenly did. the show added a new unofficial cast member this season. a guy named the unit. not unlike when "the cosby show" added little olivia to their fifth season cast. the unit is a friend of mike "the situation." and i have to say, see if you can follow this, because i don't know if it's just me. but i rewound this repeatedly. and i cannot understand one word this person says. >> white or black tank top? >> i won't wear a shirt. >> all right. you do what you want to do. >> yo, it's the best you've ever looked. nasty. >> yeah. yeah. take your pants off. getting naked right here, buddy. >> yeah. take the pants off. >> no, i'll get naked right here.

>> jimmy: i heard the word naked. but i think that's all i understood. hopefully they will discover sign language, like the other great apes. like the baboons of the serengeti. the we learned a lot about the unit tonight, including how he got his nickname. see if you can guess why he calls himself the unit. is it because, "a," he installed air conditioning units? "b," he's a devout unitarian? "c," he's the grandson of hall of fame quarterback johnny unitas? or "d," he claims to have a baseball bat in his pants, which he named the unit? the answer is "d." that's right. for dumb. [ applause ] you know, most -- most people, especially though who haven't seen the show, think "jersey shore" is a grotesque, low-brow stain on the sheets of humanity. and for the most part, they are absolutely correct. but i like to look for the good in others. so, tonight, i ordered some of my minions to an lose the season premiere to try to find even

just a scrap of intelligent thought. and i'm happy to report they did. >> people living in the aztec civilizations would probably never witness a ninja starting a war with grenades. >> jimmy: did i mention that snooki's only natural predator is the roomba? i did. a lot of fighting on "jersey shore" tonight. it didn't take long for old tensions to flare up. and by tensions, i mean herpes. there was a lot of tension. so, tonight, we want to diffuse some of that tension, by combining the audio from "jersey shore" with video from an old scooby-doo cartoon. and it was a match made -- well, some place. >> my boy unit is here. this is the perfect storm. rider and unit were witness to myself and snooki getting down two months prior. >> you're so annoying, unit. [ bleep ] hair is curly, [ bleep ] [ bleep ]. >> loser. [ bleep ] it owe. >> nicole just saying really mean things. >> unit, your name is [ bleep ]

unit, you moron. >> don't make me -- >> gel your hair. >> okay, unit. all right, unit. get real, bitch. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: for those -- kanye west had quite a night last night. he went on a bizarre twitter rant. by the way, is it good that i can now say twitter rant and everyone knows what i'm talking about? anyway, kayne managed to tweet 86 times in the course of 3 hours, which is a tweet every other minute. i guess he was excited because he's launched a new design organization called donda, which is named after his mother. and the idea of donda, according to kayne, is to bring together all the inventors, designers, creators and thinkers of the world so that he can show them how much better he is than they are. i don't know about this. i'm worried that kayne's spreading himself too think. he barely has time to interrupt

award shows anymore. i read through all of his tweets from last night. some of the stuff does sound like i could have come from an innovative new company. but some of it, well, we thought it would be fun to put -- these are real tweets, to put them together to make a commercial for donda. and, well, we did it. >> introducing donda. donda is a design company which will galvanize amazing thinkers and put them in a creative space. i would like to thank julius cesar for originating my hairstyle. donda will be comprised of more than 22 divisions, making products and experiences for people. my favorite unit of measurement is a [ bleep ] load. everything you see, hear, touch, taste and feel. i just threw some kazoo on this bitch. don't you hate when people clap too loud in the car? it's like, yo, this is a closed area. your clapping is way too loud.

ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. donda. my dreams keep me woke. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: mine, too. meanwhile, while kanye was launching donda, another rapper, ludacris, announced he is opening a restaurant at the atlanta airport, called chicken and beer, which is also the name of his third album. he should name his next album cinnabon. customers at chicken and beer will be able to get their chicken regular or luda-crispy. [ laughter ] he's very excited. this is what he tweeted. he said, we're talking about the busiest airport on the planet. this is history. yeah. definitely. [ laughter ] reminds me of the moon landing, actually. in fact, i think i saw something about this on the history channel. >> this week on the history channel. on january 3rd, 1959, alaska was

admitted at the 49th u.s. state. 53 years later, that moment in history was soon replaced by the approval of ludacris' chicken and beer concession stand at the atlanta international airport. a great day for rappers and cornrows everywhere. watch the exciting tale of "chicken and beer." only on the history channel. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: this is pretty good. times are tough right now from an economic standpoint. and really, you have a choice. you can sit around waiting for somebody to make things better for you. or take matters into your own hands, like this man did. >> most of us have heard the saying go big or go home. a north carolina man took that to heart and tried to pass off a $1 million bill at a walmart. here he is. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what made them suspicious? well, when you look like a million bucks, why not have a million? some exciting news today for

parents of young girls. "us weekly" is reporting that mattel is considering a line of kardashian barbie dolls. they had a meeting. the top executives got together and said, who would make a worse role model for little girls than barbie? and they settled on the kardashians. the dolls themselves will be made -- it's a recycled material. made entirely out of leftover bruce jenner parts. this confused me. i thought the kardashians were already giant, plastic dolls. but if i could make one suggestion to mattel, it's this. don't put them on the same shelf with these guys. we'll have little troll dolls running around. i wonder how barbie feels about -- barbie is one of the most well-loved toys ever made in this country. and now -- i don't know if the kardashians are a bad influence on her. but just moments after this story came out, so did this video. >> trying to do something a little naughty tonight.

camera's ready, honey. where are you? where's my man? >> oh, yeah, baby. >> get in here. oh, yes. >> oh, yeah. >> yes, yes, yes. >> hulk smash. >> yes. you're so green, honey, yeah. >> baseball. baseball. baseball. >> jimmy: she can never go back to ken again. in the ongoing race for the presidency of the united states, rick santorum, who surprised most everyone with a very close second place finish in the iowa caucus on tuesday, is now in new hampshire preparing for the primary. and by the way, he's been defending himself for making this controversial comment in sioux city, iowa, on sunday. >> i don't want to make black people's lives better by giving them somebody else's money. >> jimmy: now, to me, it sounded like he said, i don't want to make black people's lives better by giving them somebody else's money.

but according to rick, that's not what he said at all. >> the point you were trying to make, i want to be fair to you, we have to get away from the entitlement society. we have to get people back to work and give them an incentive rather than giving them a reason not to work. but you threw in black people when most of the people, as you know, on welfare are white people. you think that's going to be a problem? >> no, it's not going to be a problem. first off, the overall point you made is exactly correct. and i was talking about not just in that quote, but throughout the course of my conversation. i looked at that. and i didn't say that. if you look at it, what i started to say is a word and sort of changed and it sort of came out. and people said i said black, i didn't. no one in that audience -- >> we looked at it and it is a little blurry. >> i looked at it very closely. >> i'm going to take you on your word. >> jimmy: he said blah people. i didn't -- let's look at that clip again, because -- >> i don't want to make black people's lives better by giving them somebody else's money.

>> jimmy: he definitely said black people. he went on to say some of his best friends are blah people. and once you go blah, you never go bah. you can't expect a guy who doesn't wear whole sweaters to say whole words. you just can't. blah people. oh, there's a blah person right there. the millionaire. [ laughter and applause ] hey, we're launching an exciting new segment here on the show tonight. anyone who owns a computer knows that the best and most popular -- i'm sorry. character laughing here. popular youtube videos involve cats. and tonight, we bring you not one, but two cats. one of whom is currently in prison for doing this. >> jimmy: they really are. they really are. all right. well, we have a good show for

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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, there. welcome back. tonight on the program, one of the great players in the nba, who was snatched away from the lakers and sent to the clippers. i guess as punishment for something? chris paul is here with us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] and then, with music from this album called "who kill", tune-yards from the bud light stage. tomorrow night, we have a new show for you. we'll be joined by don cheadle, david cross and have music from

boyz ii men. so, please join us tomorrow night, too. our first guest tonight is a very funny man whose decision to quit drinking a few years ago nearly bankrupted the hennessy corporation. "30 rock" returns to nbc one week from tonight. please say hello to tracy morgan. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> i'm good, man. >> jimmy: you know what? i was going to wear that same vest today, tonight. but -- >> yo, feeling like a rock star. >> jimmy: it would have been embarrassing. how are you? >> sober rock star. i'm good. >> jimmy: you do look like a rock star. are you able to enjoy new year's eve now? do you make it up until midnight even? >> talking about new year's -- i stay up sometime. but this new year's -- i didn't even know the ball dropped. i was watching a "honeymooners" marathon.

>> jimmy: were you? >> why you. i just love jackie gleason. i really think he's my biological father. >> jimmy: is that right? [ laughter ] >> jackie cooper. i thought it was tony dorsett. >> jimmy: the former dallas cowboy? >> my mom told me it was drew pearson. he used to come around the house in the white van before he played for the cowboys. he sold fish out the white van. he double-parked that van everywhere. >> jimmy: i didn't know any of that. >> look. >> jimmy: that's him all right. >> i look just like him, right? >> jimmy: there is a striking resemblance. how are you doing? everything good with you? was 2011 a good year for you? >> it was all right. it was good, you know? tragic, too, you know, christmas, you know? like, two people lost they lives on black friday. >> jimmy: who did? >> some guys. [ laughter ] they was working security at toys "r" us and got trampled. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i didn't hear about that. >> that's a bad way to go. i would be mad when i got to heaven.

i'd be like, thanks a lot, god. here's your rock 'em sock 'em robots. all the other stuff i did. i got to lose my life because somebody decided to slash prices? [ laughter ] i lost my life because you decided to take 30% off tvs? i would be mad. >> jimmy: i don't blame you. i'd be mad, too. you -- how long have we known each other now? a long time. >> 28 years. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: something like that. i mean, we grew up together. >> yeah, we was tight. me and jimmy was in that movie "gangs of new york." we was there in the last life. we ain't get along. right now, we working it out. >> jimmy: first time i met you, you were work with friend, leroy. hanging around with leroy still? >> we was at a gentleman's club in dallas. we were hanging out with a guy named lucky. remember lucky? he had a patch. things going to get bad tonight.

you out there, if you're hanging out with somebody with an eye patch -- don't do it. ♪ keep your eyes on the sparrow ♪ >> jimmy: speaking of questionable friends -- [ applause ] this is -- you tweeted this. and this is a photograph of you and -- >> my man gris. >> jimmy: your man gris. >> that's gris two. i'm the only guy in the country with two friends named gris. you don't walk with gris. you walk amongst him. [ laughter ] big boy right there. >> jimmy: he is big. how did you meet gris? >> my friend. we both campaigning for weight watchers. we watch each other's weight and laugh. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he looks like -- >> that's gris, aka great adventures. >> jimmy: why do you call him great adventures? >> look at all the rides on him.

>> jimmy: he's a good-looking man. no question about that. what the hell is going on there? >> that's my friend. >> jimmy: who took that picture? >> that's in my backyard. i got trees and stuff. i went from the projects to trees and stuff. i'm coping. >> jimmy: how's the family doing? >> there ain't no police cars. i get nervous. >> jimmy: are the kids doing well? >> they're doing great. they know not to play with me, though. >> jimmy: what do you mean? >> three young men. they can become high-strung. they can become high-strung. i caught the middle one looking at me. i started scratching my knee, he looked at me, his eyes said, i think i could take the old man. [ laughter ] i turned into the thing and i said, it's clobbering time. >> jimmy: and how old are the boys now? >> one is 26. >> jimmy: one's 26? >> the oldest is 26 and my youngest is 20. i start young man.

you know how it is in the ghetto. i've been putting it in for years. >> jimmy: is it true -- >> i'm old-school. you mess with tracy, you might get pregnant. [ cheers and applause ] i'm a bing-bong freak. >> jimmy: i always said that about you. >> they call me the lion king. i make them call me mufasa. >> jimmy: your family? >> i heard the middle one whisper to the youngest one, i kill mufasa. >> jimmy: you cannot be too careful around your children. >> you mess with me, i have living on canned goods. you ever shop at costco? >> jimmy: all the time. >> you buy in bulk? >> jimmy: i do. >> gris buys in bulk. >> jimmy: i'll bet he does. >> i got 106 rolls of toilet paper in the house right now. i just can't get out of costcos, man. i like buying in bulk. >> jimmy: yeah. i do, too. >> i just like saying buying in bulk. >> jimmy: speaking of things you

say, i understand that you now have -- you have a hibachi in your house? >> that's how me and my fiance and i celebrated christmas. i love benihana so much. i went to high school with beni. >> jimmy: i didn't know there was a beni. >> i just can't go to the restaurant no more because the smoke and all of that. and you got good cologne on, you leave out of there smelling like joop and benihana. >> jimmy: do you use the habach igriihabachi grill? >> yeah, i use it. i make pancakes. i made some spam the other night, late night. >> jimmy: you did? >> yeah. >> jimmy: do you know how to do the knife stuff that they do? >> you want me to get my arm cut off? i thought you was my friend. >> jimmy: you don't do any of that stuff? >> no, just bring somebody in. i bring the crew in. >> jimmy: do you really? >> i pay them under the table. or under the hibachi. >> jimmy: we're going to take a break now -- >> do we have to? >> jimmy: yes, we do. tracy morgan is here. "30 rock" returns to the air january 12th at 8:00 on nbc. more with tracy when we come

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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, we're back with tracy morgan. chris paul is on the way. >> i feel like a real rock star. this jacket makes me feel like a rock star. i feel like the black bon jovi in this. >> jimmy: you -- congratulations. you told me you got engaged. [ applause ]

for real. >> yeah. it hasn't been all bad. i met my lady, she's awesome. but it's been all right. i took out four dictators. >> jimmy: what? >> i took out four dictators this year. >> jimmy: you murdered them? >> bin laden, that was me. >> jimmy: you were on navy s.e.a.l. team six? >> no, that was all a lie. i was just me and a .38 snub nose. >> jimmy: who else did you get? kim jong-il? >> i ain't going to say that one yet. i went to libya a few times. >> jimmy: gadhafi? >> yeah. but i was angry at the government. after i took out gadhafi, they flew me back in coach. >> jimmy: are you kidding? >> they did the same thing when i went to pakistan, man. i thought it was getting on jetblue. you ever flew on jet pakistan? in coach, people was coughing on me. mosquitos everywhere, chickens and goats. >> jimmy: mosquitoes on the plane? >> i was pissed off. >> jimmy: i don't blame you. >> yeah, air pakistan. >> jimmy: are you planning -- >> don't drink the water if you ever fly --

>> jimmy: going to be a big kim kardashian-style television wedding for you? >> no. that's my love, man. she cares more about the marriage than the wedding. >> jimmy: she does? that's nice. [ applause ] >> and i didn't have to tell her that. >> jimmy: so there will not be a big deal? >> you can come down, if you want to bring lucky with you. you bring lucky with the eye patch. >> jimmy: i'll bring him. >> going to be a good old-fashioned -- >> jimmy: and when this is going to happen? >> going to be a welfare wedding. going to have the reception at a community center behind the projects. like everybody else. i don't forget where i come from. potato salad. going to make that macaroni and cheese. she's famous for it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: are you currently -- >> my mom, she's going to make me collard greens. but they give me the runs. >> jimmy: you don't want that on your wedding night.

>> macaroni salad. and the chicken tastes like wood. remember that one? >> jimmy: i remember. it was a simpler time. >> yeah. people wore pajamas back then. >> jimmy: people rapped about food poisoning. >> not just straight poisoning. >> jimmy: are you shooting "30 rock" right now? >> you said "dirty rock?" >> jimmy: i may have gotten that from a friend of mine who can't pronounce th over there. >> yeah, we're shooting. we got eight in the can right now. tina's back, her fighting weight, she's ready. we're ready. >> jimmy: and things are going well? >> i love them. tina, alec, jane. i love my whole cast. >> jimmy: alec got arrested for playing words with friends on the plane. were you glad that it was him? >> no. no. i love my -- that's my dude, alec is the general. and just -- you know -- >> jimmy: i heard -- >> got arrested for playing words with games. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you told somebody you wanted to play one of the jacksons in a movie.

>> oh. >> jimmy: true? >> that's my dream role. to play tito. >> jimmy: to play tito. [ laughter and applause ] >> tito. tito. what happened to his childhood? they got mad at me when michael jackson passed away. >> jimmy: who did? >> in harlem. i was walking down the street. and i had a shirt that said, what about tito? after "rocking robin," after that song, he was just the kid in the corner with the hat. >> jimmy: have you met with the jackson family to perhaps talk about -- >> i would like to sit down with joe. and i would like to sit down with jermaine. and tito. look at my profile. i look just like tito. [ laughter ] either tito or old dirty bastard. [ cheers and applause ] i'm old dirty bastard. i would love to play big baby jesus. >> jimmy: that would be --

>> holler at me. >> jimmy: he's not here. >> wu forever. wu tang. i think president obama's tough. under that suit, he has a wu-tang t-shirt on. >> jimmy: you think so? >> other countries don't want to mess with you. you want to see that walk? mitt romney ain't doing that walk. >> jimmy: no, he is not. >> he called me last night. >> jimmy: who did? mitt romney? >> yeah, about the caucus. >> jimmy: he did? >> you know what a caucus is? >> jimmy: i do. >> i don't want to mention it on tv. it's a family show. >> jimmy: are you an nba fan? >> yeah. >> jimmy: i see you at the knicks games. >> we got tyson chandler. we got my man, baron davis. we going deep. >> jimmy: you hang around with those guys? >> i do not. >> jimmy: why not? >> because i got a girlfriend. [ applause ] >> jimmy: i didn't mean to -- >> see you at the game and then peace. >> jimmy: right. it is always -- >> sit around my woman. >> jimmy: it's always great to

see you, tracy. i hope -- >> women love basketball players. and not for they bank shot. >> jimmy: i would like to be at the wedding. and if i may be so bold, i would like to be your best man. think about it. [ cheers and applause ] >> see, i don't know. i don't know. i already got somebody that's going to do it. >> jimmy: can i be the ring bearer? >> i already got -- >> jimmy: all right. >> tell them i love you. >> jimmy: tracy morgan, everybody. "30 rock" comes back next thursday at 8:00 on nbc. we'll be right back with chris paul. [ cheers and applause ] [ peggy ] here's me. and here's my depression. before i started taking abilify, i was taking an antidepressant alone. most of the time i could pull myself together

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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, there. welcome back. still to come, tune-yards on the show. like beckham and gretzky before him, our next guest has been summoned to breathe life into a lifeless l.a. sports franchise. as a result, his once-miserable team now sits atop the nba's pacific division. here now, from your los angeles clippers, cp-3, chris paul. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] very good to see you. welcome to los angeles. i wish it was under better circumstances. >> what you mean under better circumstances? >> jimmy: well, let's not pretend. you did not want to be with the lakers, when you first heard you

were traded to the lakers, you were excited, right? >> the thing you learn about this league, the nba, is that it is never over until it's over. i'm so excited now to be a los angeles clipper. >> jimmy: really? >> yes, yes. you are, too. you're happy for me, too. >> jimmy: i'm happy you are in town. i wish you were on the lakers, to be honest. i'm a lakers fan. >> this guy was one of the first person i got a text message from when everything happened. >> jimmy: i was so excited. i was beside myself with joy. and then, that bastard david stern came in, like the wicked witch of the east. and flew in on his broomstick and -- did you think about suing the league when this first happened? >> no, man, no. >> jimmy: did you write an angry letter to anyone? had you heard of the clippers before this? >> you have to cut it out now. you better cut it out. you're going to see. >> jimmy: i've never seen such a clippers convert so quickly. honestly, what did you think of the franchise before you wound up on the clippers? >> i didn't know too much, other

than, you know, i was in the western conference. i used to play against them two, three times a year. and, you know, what i do know now is that i am with the clippers. and one thing that everybody can be assured of is that every night, we're going to play hard and we're going to compete. >> jimmy: well good. [ cheers and applause ] and you're doing very well so far. >> yeah, not too bad. we still -- it's a long season. it's a long season. we had a couple bumps -- >> jimmy: this is a short season, actually. it's not going to be such a long season. >> 66 games is a lot of games. >> jimmy: intention to bring people over from the lakers to the clippers? >> it's not necessarily about that. i think for me, it's about all those clippers fans who have been here for a long time. we're going to give them something to cheer about. >> jimmy: but there's only six of them. >> there you go again. those six people are going to have something to be proud of, all right? all right? you believe that. >> jimmy: i believe that. you have the nucleus -- i have to say, because i've been -- i did sports here on the radio for many years. and i've been here since 1994.

and i think the one thing i can always rely on is that the clippers screw things up. just when they get a little wind in their sails and they are named after a sailboat, you know. >> why do you know all this? >> jimmy: i just know. a hole will rip in the sail. and suddenly you and blake griffin go somewhere else and -- >> don't even worry about it. >> jimmy: you plan to be a clipper for the rest of your career? is that something you would want to be? >> it's something to think about. >> jimmy: waiting for a spot for the lakers to open up. >> that's definitely not happening. >> jimmy: it isn't? >> all right. you're crazy. >> jimmy: where you are living right now? >> i'm living in a hotel right now. a hotel. me, my wife, my son, my brother and his wife. my parents out here visiting. all of us are in a hotel. >> jimmy: in one room? >> not in one room. when i came here, i was hoping that you may have somewhere -- >> jimmy: you can stay at my house. you are more than welcome. >> really? >> jimmy: for real. >> not in the outhouse? >> jimmy: you can stay in the

primary residence. and we will talk about your plans to join the lakers eventually. >> that is not going to happen. that is nothing to cheer about. >> jimmy: you are going to have to get used to this. these clippers jokes are something -- they are not even jokes. they are statements of fact. but you are here to change that. i think that's a -- i think that's -- really, do you feel pressure? >> i think we play the lakers, like, next week. you coming to the game? >> jimmy: i will. >> i hope you do. i hope you do. that's one more turnover i'm going to have to take when i nail you, when i throw that ball. >> jimmy: you know i won't be playing, though, right? i mean, i'm just going to be sitting there. >> yeah, i know. front row, one turnover, start the game off. i'll tell coach, you know, coach, i'm going to start off the game with a turnover and just throw the ball at you as hard as i can. >> jimmy: i'll wear my helmet. i have to say, probably the only guy sadder than you when all this happened is kobe. he had to be heartbroken. did you speak to him? >> i talked to him when i moved

to l.a. >> jimmy: you did? that was when you thought you were going to be a laker -- >> we talk every now and then just random times. >> jimmy: i'll take that as a yes. and, well, so, that, yeah -- i have to say, it might be a better situation for you because, to build something from the ground-up is, you know, one thing to join a team that's already got a bunch of championships. >> i'm excited about it, you know? this is my seventh nba season. i have never won a championship. >> jimmy: me, neither. >> that's something that i'm shooting for. and the clippers haven't either. so, i felt like it would be something pretty special if we can do it at the same time. >> jimmy: that would be nice. and congratulations on getting married. how long ago was that? a few months ago? >> this summer. 9/10/11. >> jimmy: lebron james was one of your groomsmen. what did he get you as a gift? >> he got me a very nice gift. >> jimmy: you don't know what it is? >> i know what it is. >> jimmy: a gold-plated blender?

>> no, him being in the wedding was enough. >> jimmy: you are playing lebron, playing miami is your next game. >> yes, january 11th. >> jimmy: you are friends. but does that translate on to the court at all, is there -- >> not at all. >> jimmy: you play harder against him? >> i play hard every night. but being that's one of my friends, we are very competitive. and that's one guy you spend a lot of time with in the summer. so, you want to win. >> jimmy: do you think he'll be competitive about his wedding? try to have bigger shrimp than you? >> i don't know. maybe. >> jimmy: you should definitely get him a better gift than he got you. speaking of gifts here, now, what is that? guillermo is bringing something -- what do we have here? >> january 11th, my new shoe comes out. >> jimmy: all right, oh. [ cheers and applause ] >> so, look at this. we got "jimmy kimmel live" on here, production company and everything. >> jimmy: on all the shoe boxes? >> no, just you. >> jimmy: oh. just mine. okay.

>> if i knew this was all about the lakers, i would not have -- this is black and gold, your high school colors. >> jimmy: you only got me one shoe? the lakers would have got me two shoes. the clippers are so cheap. i'll hop around in this. >> you should. >> jimmy: congratulations. great to have you here in town. it really is. i wish you the best. chris paul. if you need a place to stay, i'm your guy. the clippers host the miami heat next wednesday night on espn. we'll be right back with music from tune-yards. [ cheers and applause ] dinner's ready.

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the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series, sponsored by bud light. >> jimmy: this is their album. it's called "who kill." here with the song "bizness," tune-yards. ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ if i represent the one that did this to you ♪ ♪ then can away the part that represents the thing ♪ ♪ that scarred you i say get up, stand up ♪ ♪ get up, stand up, get on it yes, sir, i am no longer who ♪ ♪ you thought this one would be ♪ ♪ we end up around the

mountain that i climb ♪ ♪ to lose you ♪ i said, i said give me the business, that business ♪ ♪ could work through i say ask me but all ♪ ♪ my wisdom departed tell me but all ♪ ♪ my wisdom departed but help please at least ♪ ♪ answer me this, answer me answer me what's the ♪ ♪ business, yeah, don't take my life away don't take ♪ ♪ my life away from distance yeah, don't take my life away ♪ ♪ don't take my life away i'm a victim yeah don't ♪ ♪ take my life away don't take my life away ♪ ♪ i'm addicted don't take my life away ♪ ♪ don't take my life away ♪ if you just press your fingers down under my skin ♪ ♪ lift up dig up, lift up ♪ ♪ dig up and bleed for me i say i'll bleed ♪

♪ if you ask me ooh, i'll bleed ♪ ♪ if you ask me that's when ♪ ♪ that's when he said no ♪ ♪ ♪ what's the business yeah ♪ ♪ don't take my life away don't take my life away ♪ ♪ from a distance, yeah don't take my life away ♪ ♪ don't take my life away i'm a victim, yeah ♪ ♪ don't take my life away don't take my life away ♪ ♪ i'm addicted, yeah don't take my life away ♪ ♪ don't take my life away i'm addicted, yeah ♪ ♪ don't take my life away didn't take my life away ♪ ♪ that's the business, yeah

♪ what's the business, yeah ♪ i'm a victim, yeah don't take my life away ♪ ♪ don't take my life away [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i want to thank tracy morgan, chris paul. i want to apologize to matt damon. we ran out of time. tomorrow night, don cheadle, david cross and music from boyz ii men. this is their latest album, "who kill." playing us off the air with "you, yes, you," see the full performance at jimmykimmellive.com, once again, tune-yards. good night. [ cheers and applause ] ♪