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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  March 22, 2012 12:00am-1:05am PDT

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plot. jimmy kimmel is up next. see you tomorrow. up next on a "jimmy kimmel live." >> one in three americanses have a twitter account. it's revolutionized the way we ignore or families. >> don rickles. >> what do you approve of that statement? >> i don't know. it's in the toil it will. >> and music from dr. teeth in the electic
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>> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with the total rewards card from caesars, harrah's, horseshoe and world series of poker. this little card gives you vip access to the largest network of casinos and entertainment options anywhere. and whether you're gambling, seeing a show or eating in a restaurant, you're always earning points. guillermo, you took the card to vegas right? >> yes, jimmy, and they treated me like caesar. >> jimmy: really? you know that stabbed caesar, right? >> i did not guess that. >> jimmy: very good. let's take a look at how it went. >> hi, i'm here for any appearance. see how it goes. >> do you know that i learn points when i play black jack
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and when i play here n las vegas. go! >> hey. >> it's so easy. come on, guys. yeah. i have a home! total rewards. >> get your total rewards card today and sign up for the give away at totalrewards.com/escape. >> jimmy: "jimmy kimmel live" back in two minutes with amanda de cadenet and dr. teeth and the electic mayhem. [ male announcer ] cookies
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with smooth caramel and chocolate. ♪ hmm twix. also available in peanut butter. 2:30 in the afternoon, a lot to do,
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and now, like always, here's jimmy kimmel! [ applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome to the show. hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host. you are watching -- [ cheers and applause ] i'm touched. i have to say. how many people in this room have a twitter account? [ cheers and applause ] how many have a savings account? just -- [ applause ] that's the thing. today was the sixth anniversary of twitter. six years ago, the first tweet was send. six years ago, if you had 10,000
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followers, you were a cult leader. in 2006, birded tweeted and gaga was a sound babies made. if i wanted to know what ashton kutcher had for lunch, you had to read it in the paper. it went sent in 2006. and by the founder, jack boarcy and i sate, just setting up my twitter. and then another tweet, josh, stop being so gay sauce. one in three americans has an active twitter account. it has revolutionized the way we ignore or families. between twit iter and face back, we don't need to talk to our families.
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teenagers don't sneak out of the house. we are losing the ability to interact. and that is what we put together tonight, an instructional video i hope can get us back on track. >> due to technicaled a vantsmentes, here the years, our ways to communicate his diminished. here are ways to communicate. the hand shake. extend your rife hand. join hands farmly and giirmly a. next, say hello, smile and use your mouth and vocal chords to say hello. >> hello. >> now you are getting it. a more intimate greeting is called the hug. wrap your arms around another person and squeeze gently. try to avoid genital contact.
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okay that is enough. and finally, the celebratory high five. be careful. follow these steps and you will be on your way back to being a human person. now, say good-bye. >> good-bye. >> nicely done. [ applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. people from around the office. speaking of people who have trouble communicating, joe biden had a moment after the white house yesterday. he was hosting a reception for the irish prime minister and introduced them in a way that only joe biden can. >> there is an old irish saying, as my grandparent used to say, he said, may the hinging of your friendship never go rusty. with these folks there is no doubt about them staying oiled and lubricated here.
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ladies and gentlemen -- >> jimmy: talk about rolling out of red carpet. [ applause ] that's what the vice president is in charge of? i had no idea. republican presidential hopeful rick santorum had a big night last night. fresh off a loss in puerto rico, mitt romney beat him in illinois. but he is staying with it. and plus, what else does he have to do? he is not having sex. santorum went after mitt romney hard. and tonight, he has his family campaigning for him now. in fact, we were fortunate enough to score an interview. i think the first interview with rick santorum's brother who is joining us from harrisburg, pennsylvania. can you hear me? >> loud and clear. >> jimmy: thank you for agreeing
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to people with me tonight. >> i'm just happy to be able to get the word out about my brother. his plan to take america back for the clean people. >> jimmy: okay, tell us about yourself. we have not seen much of you so far in the campaign. >> well, honestly, i'm not that interesting, jimmy. i'm just a regular heterosexual family man living here in harrisburg. this is my wife, 27 years, medusa. >> jimmy: she is beautiful. >> love of my life. we have sex regularly. straight sex and i enjoy it very much. >> jimmy: do you, okay. >> these are our eight chirt, hope, charity, grace, soeb ryety, abstinence and charlie.
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>> jimmy: well, mitt romney got an endorsement today from jeb bush. that is pretty big, right? >> well, rick santorum has the endorsement of your lord and savior, jesus christ. >> mike r.: right now, things don't seem to be going your way. your brother lost in a landslide sunday in pouerto rico, you kno. >> that was an anomaly. we went there with the message, lower taxes and two, stop speaking nespea speaking mexican. but mitt romney drowned us out. >> jimmy: whabl illinois? he is behind in delegates. the same deal there? >> obviously, we are
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disappointed with the results in illinois. we are going to fight hard and pray louder, jimmy. we are up against a man, mitt romney a very virile, a masculine man, with great hair, the hair you can get a grip on in sex. we have to get the message out. >> jimmy: what exactly is the message? >> simple, get the big government off our backs and into our bedrooms. jimmy, we can't compete with the china if they tell us child labor is ill league. our kids need be working too. in our home, we wake up and do chores, home work. spend the rest of the time singing bible songs and making aprons for baby dolls to sell on
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ebay. we got to be sensible and cut through the red tape and send a message oge family values. no to abortion, continraception and no to pulling out of the last minute. that applies to our peepees and our troops. >> what about gay marriage? are you opposed to that? >> i don't believe there is such a thing adds a gay. >> jimmy: thank you for talking to us. i hope we will see more of you in the future. >> i hope so too. remember there is only one true conservative. that is that brother rick santorum. a true champion of true american values and straight, forceful missionary and ranch style sex. this is what i do regularly with
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my wife, medusu. it's god's way. >> jimmy: thank you. >> thank you, jimmy. it was a pleasure. >> jimmy: nice guy. [ applause ] good family. meanwhile, some disturbing news from the cast of "jersey shore" as rumors that michael situation checked into rehab. last night, the situation strongly denied the rum interthis afternoon, he confirmed it. he said he is actually in rehab. it was scary. for a few hours there, we didn't know the situation's situation. he said in a statement he has voluntarily taken steps to get control of a prescription medication problem. i guess this season of the "jersey shore" will have the situation and nooki, because she
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is pregnant, both on the wagon. and the "jersey shore" without drinking is like "glee" without music. and snooki's fetus just checked into fe, hp has been by the way. and mike tyson, next month, he is going to be doing a one-man show in las vegas. it's called mike tyson, undisputed truth, live on stage. just hearing him try to say the word indisputed will be porwortt alone. he sat down for an interview where he talked about the new show and told us what audience members expect to seenchts a lot of people remember the documentary "tyson" and you were going through drug rehab. this is not that kind of a show.
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is it? >> no, this is going to be pretty light and gregorious. >> if that is what he is plan to do in the show, you count me in. this is crazier than mike tyson. this there is a plan to make another big budget movie franchise out of the teenage mutant ninja turtle. michael bay has angered fans in thach got their powers when they were exposed to a radioactive ooze and they were mutants. and michael bay said in his movie, the ninja turtles will be from space, they won't be mutants and the fans are outraged. there has been a lot of very angry backlash online. how dare michael bay tamper with
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the story of turtles who live in the sewer and eat pizza? does he think he's god? i was not a fan of the teenage mutant ninja turtles. i can understand the anger and there is something that can help. >> no, no, no. >> are you depressed because the mutant ninja turtles are aliens and not radioactive? >> it makes no sense. >> unable to focus because of the changes that george lucas is making to episode four? >> what, han solo shot first, end of store ray. >> are you worried that christopher nolan will screw up the batman movie. >> kill me now. >> now it's time to get alife.
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it will help you stop getting worked up for over. >> what do you say i'm the rock to your paper and scissors. what are you waiting for? harry potter 8? get alife today. >> back >>. >> jimmy: back to twitter. one of the thing, it connects celebrities to their fans and vice versa. many of the celebrities do the tweeting and any time you like, you can send a message to them. and unless it's justin beeber with 18 million follower, they will probably read it. it can go to their pocket. and we like to focus on the bad here. in anticipation of twitter, we asked celebrities to read tweets from fans. these are real tweets send to and about the people we see. we present them to you now in
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the old fashion magic of television. enjoy. >> joel mchale is a huge d bag. he couldn't spell douche? you 160 characters. i get it. >> yeah, david cross is not my kind of comedian. >> hey, roseanne, get a life. >> you are a big [ bleep ]. [ bleep ]. >> jason bateman is gay, question mark? who knew. >> yo, you suck fat balls. that is true. >> if you change the "i" in anna faris's last night to a "t," you get, anna farts.
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>> wait, busy phillips is not a six zi chick. >> will ferrell, dumb, lol, make you are dumb. >> kristen bell is so [ bleep ] ugly, way too ugly to play snow white in snow white and the huntsman. >> this is confusing this is not will arnett, he looks like dracula. wow. like a cartoon version or the real -- i get it. it's my hairline. thank you. >> it's people like kathy griffen who are the root causes for why redheads are perceived at the spawn after satan. >> this is tweet. can it be my turn to punch andy
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dick until there are bones in his stool? >> will ferrell is a [ bleep ] fool. that is a come limit. that is a compliment. i'm a fool. look at me, yo, i'm a fool. thank you. thank you. >> jimmy: wow. we have a good show tonight. amanda decadenet is here. from the up. fetes, dr. teeth and the electic mayhem. we will be back with don rickles. so stick around. spring has sprung but so have my allergies. nighttime is the worst. i can't breathe and forget sleeping. good mornings? not likely! i've tried the pills the sprays even some home remedies.
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♪ >> jimmy: hi and welcome back. tonight on the program, the host of the new show called the conversation with amanda de cadenet, it premieres april 26th on lifetime, an man da de cadenet is here. and a musical performance by the muppets band dr. teeth and the electric pay hem will be here and a drum battle with travis barker from blink 182 and animal from the muppets. and tomorrow night, kristin chenoweth, jimmie johnson and news frick the neon trees. our first guest is a legendary performer and one of the funniest men to work the work. see him live in las vegas march 24th and 25th at april 12th in highland, california w joan rivers.
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say hello to mr. warmth, the great don rickles! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: great to see you. look at this. everyone loves you. how are you? >> wait a minute. maybe they will start again.
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[ cheers and applause ] no, no. i must say that is very kind. that is something we as performers live for. that applause. sbun fortunately -- jimmy, how are you. >> jimmy: great. >> how was australia? this was called me from australia, that is how lonely he is. >> jimmy: the only phone call. >> he and molly called me. and i was talking to you like you were in l.a. around the corner. and you got on the phone and acted like you had been there. you ever go to australia? they put a dummy in the front row. no, you are very sweet yk we do that especially for you. >> shut up. >> jimmy: i want to congratulate you. >> after what i heard before. >> jimmy: i want to congratulate you on entering -- you have
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entered the digital age in a big, big way. first of all, you are tweeting now. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i follow you on twitter. >> i swear, my wife, barbara, she says, why don't you just sit on the couch and i say, you got tweet it. and now, i sat down, i said, what do you do? and she says, write funny things. guys are writing back like, go tell your -- and people are very nice and all of a sudden -- i have no followers. and they say, no, you have people hired. i write about you. >> jimmy: you did write something about me. >> i know that you need help. >> no, he doesn't. he does great. [ laughter ] he has a laugh like dead duck. >> jimmy: it's funny because the insult is there and you have to say, no, no, you don't need
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help, which indicates that you need help. >> what do you prove by that statement? >> jimmy: i don't know. >> the show goes in the toilet as soon as you make your speech. keep the going, like my boys there, the cleo brothers. >> jimmy: they are follow and sun. >> and the clark gable son. i never met you. what is your name? >> dicky: my name is dicky. >> dicky? huh? good to see you, dick. >> jimmy: he is irish and he has tattoos all over his body. >> don't knock the irish.
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no, i will make you feel good, okay? >> dicky: okay. >> jimmy: not only are you tweeting but you now have an app. i own your app and i have it on my ipad here. >> you got to explain it to me, jim. >> jimmy: you don't know how it works? >> i take the finger and punch and see what happens. >> jimmy: first, the app, it's loading. and the theme song plays. and it says -- [ applause ] hey, dummy, tap my head or shake me. >> smart phone? who cares. i have dummy phones. kiss my hockey puck dummy phones. >> jimmy: we can go through categories and pick different things. like, you have aethnic. that is a good category. >> wait, you got to the knock the jews right away. >> jimmy: see what you have to
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say about my team, the italians. >> i eat spaghettis, and swell up and die fast and the whole family has a festival. [ applause ] >> jimmy: i'm going go to miscellaneous. this is another category. there is one about sex toys. >> i don't need. the wife has all of those. i just jump over them. >> if you get a chance, buy it. my wife is short of jewelry. >> jimmy: see, you got celebrities on here too. >> bob knnewhart, so great, clever. he really gets on my nerves. >> jimmy: i want to get to myself. is me. >> jimmy jimmy is great host. there is one problem. he laughs at hello. >> that is true. >> i know what you are thinking.
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>> jimmy: i got stop doing it. this is a very good thing. and i have a website as well. >> wait a minute -- you have to pay for that? >> jimmy: $2.99. >> that is not bad. >> jimmy: less than $3. you have a website, with your concert dates on there, and a gallery here with photographs of all sorts. >> that is good times. >> jimmy: let's go through some of theses. you have great, great pictures in here. will you tell us about some of the things? there is a good one. you and clint eastwood. >> he is the most umible high in the world. we did a picture called "kelly's heroes." i don't know if you saw it [ applause ] that was 45 years ago in yugoslavia. we were supposed to go six weeks and my wife and i stayed six months. and i said, clint, isn't this
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fun? and he is a sweet guy. and i say -- you get a chance, look over here, jimmy. >> jimmy: i'm trying to run the thing. >> i said, the same accommodations, a pick up truck and a dog is paradise. but he is a great star. you ask him. >> jimmy: this a great one. what are you doing here? >> first time in my life -- i was very young there. they said i couldn't do it and i water skied on lake mead. >> jimmy: you are doing it pretty well. >> that is good, jim. >> jimmy: i never would have imagined. i have to say, we have a bunch -- there is one of you and tommy lasorda of the dodgers. >> he is a great guy. he had me in uniform that day. i used to go down and talk to the team. and all the kids, the dominian
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republic. and i said, get a visa. >> jimmy: you and barbara -- >> he has an adoring man. and he was skipping around a lot. you know. it's normal! >> jimmy: liza minnelli. >> i'm santa claus. i did that as a favor. >> jimmy: we got -- carol o'conner. >> a great man. great man. he used to sit down, let's have a booze. >> jimmy: he is a big drinker. >> well, he is irish. >> jimmy: you and your pal re s
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regis. how is regis? >> as you and i know, regis, even though he is not on the show, he is most charming, kindest human being you will meet. and he said, i don't want to go three weeks, three weeks on the cruise, and he talks to everybody. the guy pulling the rope. and good to see you. and he gets out of the cab and says, regis is here. and he flies a rocket. >> jimmy: and i was honored to see that you have a photograph of the two of us here, in front of the monster truck -- [ applause ] >> i got to say, you folks might not know. i know jimmy a long time. hoe was in sports. he was great as a critic and announcer. >> jimmy: and a great athlete. >> pardon me? don't push it. you were doing great.
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you get undressed, look at your body and you know, great athlete? the lower part, there is a ripple around the mountains. and jimmy, always a good, charming, wonderful guy and still is. and everybody, not everybody, but a good deal of the crew, family and friends. he hired people. and the cletos, he hired his son and he hired people who care about him and that is very unshl. >> jimmy: well, thank you. as we zoom in here, as we zoom in, you can see, it's me and don, and it says, don rickles and jimmy fallon are seen -- >> watch jimmy fallon if you want to learn how to play ping-pong. >> jimmy: don rickles, everyone.
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don will be performing at the orleans in las vegas, march 24th and 25th, and at the san manuel bingo and casino in highland, california with joan rivers on april 12th. we'll be right back with amanda de cadenet. or you. what factors led you to buy your explorer. definitely the ecoboost option. what's pretty amazing is that you can get the fuel economy of a car in an suv. that basically did it for us. and the technology... oh, my goodness, the technology is amazing. everything is touch. you can actually talk to the car and it talks back to you. what have your friends said about your explorer? can we drive it? can we borrow it? what's your answer? no. no way. uh uh. (laugh) top quality lobster is all we catch. [ male announcer ] don't miss red lobster's lobsterfest. the only time of year you can savor 12 exciting lobster entrees, like lobster lover's dream i'm laura mclennan and i sea food differently. so i get claritin clear. this is all bayberry. bayberry pollen. very allergenic.
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>> jimmy: hi, everybody. still to come, dr. teeth and the electric mayhem. our next guest started hosting tv shows in her native england at age 14. i guess they have no labor laws her new show is called "the conversation with amanda de cadenet." it premieres april 26th at 11:00 p.m. on lifetime. please say hello to amanda de cadenet.
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[ applause ] ♪ hi, how are you? >> i'm good. how are you? >>. >> jimmy: well, thank you. you are from england, much like the queen. >> i am from england. >> jimmy: your parents were famous people in england? >> my dad was a race car driver, my dad was a model and then had kids and stayed at home. >> jimmy: that is cool to have a model mom. maybe if it's your mom -- a race car driver dad is cool thampblts is cool because you get to do things like learn how to drive motor bikes and cars when you are young. >> jimmy: how young? >> i was about a 6 when i learned. >> jimmy: did your mom say, no, we are not going to put our 6
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yard line -- >. >> no, i'm glad she didn't. >> jimmy: do you wear a helmet? >> i delivered your pizza earlier. i had a mel met on. >> jimmy: is it a real motor bike? >> yeah, it's a ducati. as long as you are okay being on the back, it's okay. >> jimmy: i feel that is a ligts p little emasculating. >> why? >> jimmy: i don't know. riding on the back. >> that is a litmus test for me. if a guy can ride on the back of my bike -- and i married him. >> jimmy: i don't think i have been on a motorcycle of any kind.
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>> there is time yet. we can go for sushi after the show. >> jimmy: this show you are mosting is an interview show. >> i'm used to asking the questions. this is a little weird for me. >> jimmy: that is the case you will find this this sort of thing. you are interviewing high provile -- all women, right? >> jimmy: who are some of the names on the show? >> it's been an amazing experience. miley cyrus, who is 19, to jane fonda, lady gaga, gwenth paltrow, sarah silverman. >> jimmy: this is quite a list. do you find there is a theme here besides the obvious?
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>> what is the obvious? >> jimmy: vaginas? >> trust me, i do a lot of talking about vaginas on the show. >> jimmy: do they put that in the promos? >> well, sometimes it's things we can and can't talk about it. and it's things after kids that involve vaginas and at this ti a mother of three after my life. >> jimmy: have you gained knowledge from them that helped you in your own life? >> so much. so much. i say that jane fonda has set an example of what it's like to be a woman who is older who is so sexy and smart. >> jimmy: i don't think she is
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even human. she is a freak of nature. it's crazy to look at her. >> she is amazing. and i shoot the show from my house. which -- >> jimmy: wow, is that a good idea? >> good and bad idea. i'm a working mom. the only way is if i shot it from my house. or i wouldn't see my kids. the upside, people come to you. and the down side, i have 5-year-old twins and they are running around and they need to go in the bathroom, the cat needs feeding. it's crazy. >> jimmy: the fedex guy rings the doorbell and is part of the show. >> the only guy on the show. >> jimmy: lady gaga, she came to your house? >> she was in new york. but i was so surprised. >> jimmy: why? >> i thought she was going to be really mean. >> jimmy: you did? >> i don't know why. i thought, she is so famous, she has to be mean.
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i don't know why. >> jimmy: were any of your guesting mean? >> no, it's not a promotional show. if you want to come on it, it's because you have something to talk about it. >> jimmy: if someone is mean, will you throw them out of the house? >> absolutely, totally. i will say, want to come for a ride and i would take off fast and leave them in the dust. >> jimmy: that, you can be an multiple channels. the speed channel. >> my dad is on speed channel. >> jimmy: congratulations on the show. it's called the conversation with amanda de cadenet. premieres april 26th at 11:00 p.m. on lifetime. when we come back, music from dr. teeth and the electric mayhem. this good...
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it's your lunch, your way, and it's just $6.95 at olive garden. when it comes to paint... ...there's one brand that always tops the charts. so let's grab a few of those gallons- at a price that's now even lower. 'cause when we mix behr ultra paint and primer in one... ...with a few hours... ...we get more than just color... ...we get top-rated coverage. the kind wakes up walls, and reinvents rooms. more saving. more doing. that's the power of the home depot. behr ultra paint and primer in one now starts at just $29.38, it's lowest price ever. what makes a hershey's bar pure? pure togetherness. pure friendship. pure delicious chocolate. pure hershey's. but if i grow this out a little bit, i look too much like an english country gent... naaah. a little this way and i feel like i'm from outer space.
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this and i feel like a viking... [ roars ] not my style, man. [ male announcer ] master your style... even trimming, a close shave, and accurate edging... with the new gillette fusion proglide styler. every inch of hair needs to be on point. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
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[ younger brother ] oh, do you want it? yeah. ok, we'll split it. [ female announcer ] made fresh, so light... ...buttery and flaky... this is half. that is not half. guys i have more. [ female announcer ] do you have enough crescents? mom, we're dying. no you're not, you're just hungry. make some totino's pizza rolls. we don't have any! front... left, totino's. [ male announcer ] well done mom! less drama, more fun! totino's pizza rolls.
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>> jimmy: the dvd for "the muppets" is out now. here with guest drummer travis barker and the song "can you picture that?" dr. teeth and the electric mayhem. [ cheers and applause ] >> two, three, four! ♪ oh, yeah ♪ everybody's lover everybody's brother i wanna be your lifetime friend ♪ ♪ crazy as a rocket nothin' in my pocket i keep it at the rainbow's end ♪ ♪ i never think of money i think of milk 'n honey grinnin' like a cheshire cat ♪ ♪ i focus on the pleasure somethin' i can treasure hey, can you picture that can you picture that ♪ ♪ oh yeah hey floyd take a verse let me take your picture add it to the mixture ♪ ♪ there it is i got you now really nothin' to it anyone can do it ♪ ♪ it's easy and we all know how now begins the changin' mental rearrangin' ♪
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♪ nothing's really where it's at now the eiffel tower's holdin' up a flower ♪ ♪ gave it to a texas cat fact is there's nothin' out there you can't do yeah even santa claus ♪ ♪ believes in you beat down the walls begin believe ♪ ♪ behold begat be a better drummer be an up and comer ♪ ♪ can you picture that can you picture that travis ♪ ♪ ♪ animal ♪
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>> travis! ♪ ♪ whompblts's the animal now? >> oh, yeah!

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